Not everyone wants kids

[zoebartlett]

Back when people used to ask me this i responded thusly:

How soon do you need to know?

 

[AGBF]

Back when people used to ask me this i responded thusly:

How soon do you need to know?

I just saw this. I also saw that other women had already responded to you with positive "emoties", so I know that I am not alone in appreciating your wit. However, I had to tell you how clever I think you are. Your response was, and is, truly brilliant.

It reminded me of some bibs I have for my huge Newfoundland dog. (Newfoundlands drool, so some owners use the bibs to help with the drooling. I only use them as decoration.) One simply says, "I am not a bear". The other, however, asks a question back that is asked constantly about the poor Newfie. It says, "How much do you weigh?"

Deb/AGBF

 

[House Cat]

Back when people used to ask me this i responded thusly:

How soon do you need to know?

 

[House Cat]

Back when people used to ask me this i responded thusly:

How soon do you need to know?

I just saw this. I also saw that other women had already responded to you with positive "emoties", so I know that I am not alone in appreciating your wit. However, I had to tell you how clever I think you are. Your response was, and is, truly brilliant.

It reminded me of some bibs I have for my huge Newfoundland dog. (Newfoundlands drool, so some owners use the bibs to help with the drooling. I only use them as decoration.) One simply says, "I am not a bear". The other, however, asks a question back that is asked constantly about the poor Newfie. It says, "How much do you weigh?"

Deb/AGBF

I will NEVER get tired of seeing that face!!!

 

[OreoRosies86]

Ah life would be so much easier if everyone could manage not to be an @&?! about people's choices.

 

[CJ2008]

Back when people used to ask me this i responded thusly:

How soon do you need to know?

Awesome response, Kristie.

 

[kenny]

I think this is another example of that problematic, but very common, thinking ... There's one right way and everyone should adhere to it ... vs. truly accepting that people just vary.

The frame of mind that there is one single right way everyone should follow shows up in language, often unintentionally.

For example, the following statement, "Parenting gives meaning to life."
It would be better to say, "Parenting gives meaning to my life."
It's best to speak for yourself, and only yourself.
It is accurate ... speaking for everyone is not accurate.

It is unfortunate that we have to go through the trouble to add a word or a clarifying sentence to emphasize (in this case) I want kids but am totally okay with others who don't.

In this thread posters report responding evasively or politely to rude comments like, "So, when are YOU going to have kids?"
Wouldn't it be better to just respond, "I don't want kids, and that's okay."?
That's not rude.

It comes from the position that people vary, and helps educate the one-right-way folks.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

It seems like no matter what stage of life I find myself, everyone has an opinion. Most people LOVE vocalizing their opinions. It does get exhausting. I have one child. That was never my master plan but that's what happened. I used to hear ALL the time how my child DESERVED a sibling. Really?!? Having another child for the sole goal to give my child a sibling is stupid. I know SO many people who HATE their brother(s)/sister(s).

I totally get why some people do not want children. I think it is so horrible that we can't all be left in peace to honor our individual choices. I don't mind putting people on the spot sometimes when they say something inappropriate. Sometimes I just let it go. For me it depends on the person, relationship, and situation. If they know about my past and say comments like that I can be more forward than a stranger who doesn't know any better.

 

[Sky56]

I think it may be that people who have one child get more flak than people who have none. I love my brother, but I find the idea of being an only child appealing. I know only children of wonderful parents and those children are happy.

 

[azstonie]

Hi Deb, Housie and CJ: Thank you I also used that reply when people used to ask me when I was getting married!!!! I used to squirm and blush and just dread the "When are you ----" questions that people would throw out there and I finally realized it was time to turn the ol' tables and watch THEM squirm and blush and stammer!!!!

BTW, Deb, I so love your Newfie. When I lived in Juneau and Anchorage, Alaska, there were quite a few Newfies and they have the best dispositions, just the most wonderful dogs. My husband, when meeting a Newfie, will stop, drop and play with them, just cannot resist!!

 

[Maria D]

I think it may be that people who have one child get more flak than people who have none. I love my brother, but I find the idea of being an only child appealing. I know only children of wonderful parents and those children are happy.

Yeah, I got flak for only having one from a few people. One was an old neighbor who kept telling me "you're staying home for one, might as well stay home for two." As if being a SAHM for an only was just too much slacking, lol. Another was a friend of my husband who kept telling him how much his siblings meant to him. This one also kept hinting around that we should baptize our child. He's a good guy - I'm sure he saw it not as being nosy but just trying to save my poor kid from an earthly life of loneliness and an afterlife of limbo.

But my favorite was my only brother, who is 7 years older than me. He knew we weren't planning on having more than one and every time my daughter got cranky as a baby/toddler he would say something along the lines of "that's what you can expect with an only child." I just ignored him but my mother finally shut him up by pointing out he was only child for 7 years!

edited to add: It just occurred to me that all 3 were guys. I'm trying hard to think of a time that a woman gave me her unwanted opinion on this and I can't!

 

[Calliecake]

Back when people used to ask me this i responded thusly:

How soon do you need to know?

I just saw this. I also saw that other women had already responded to you with positive "emoties", so I know that I am not alone in appreciating your wit. However, I had to tell you how clever I think you are. Your response was, and is, truly brilliant.

It reminded me of some bibs I have for my huge Newfoundland dog. (Newfoundlands drool, so some owners use the bibs to help with the drooling. I only use them as decoration.) One simply says, "I am not a bear". The other, however, asks a question back that is asked constantly about the poor Newfie. It says, "How much do you weigh?"

Deb/AGBF

Deb, Griffin's picture is too cute!!! I love the bib.

Kristie, Perfect come back!!!!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

My favorite, "but you make such beautiful children." Like that's another valid reason to have another child.