Help me decide between 2 rings?!

[glitterglitter]

Longtime lurker here... ready for your advice/opinions... Help me decide what to do? Pretty please!

BACKGROUND AND STUFF

My boyfriend and I are 27. He has $16,000 in student debt and lives month to month, but is a hard worker. He could be receiving a promotion by the year's end but expenses could increase with a move. I make substantially more, with lower expenses, plenty of savings, no debt.

We don't live on credit... we are "pay as you go" types.

I have offered to contribute towards the ring if we decide to spend more than $1000. The financial aspects of of getting married are stressful for my man and I don't want the cost of a ring to interfere with the natural progression of our relationship. He has said he is okay with me contributing, although I suspect he may feel more manly/romantic with a simpler ring paid for entirely on his own.

MY FEELINGS ON RINGS

Originally I wanted a simple, antique ring in yellow gold with smaller diamonds set in it. Something easy and comfortable to wear that wouldn't bonk on things.

But sometimes I lust after fancy, more expensive sparklers.

Then I have guilt about spending so much on a material item. I worry I will regret getting something beyond my boyfriend's means and spending my own $$ on it. It's such a permanent decision so there's no going back. There are many other uses for the money: we've never taken a trip overseas together and my man is itching to travel; I'm saving towards our future home; my man isn't contributing to his 401k; California is expensive; I have health issues; etc. But then I justify spending more on the ring because we will plan a budget wedding on family land (free location!) and a taco truck. Although, since I am the only one with savings, any spending at this point is money he doesn't have (Pray for that promotion!).

So, RINGS, RINGS, RINGS!

I have two contenders at the moment. They are VERY different.

Ring #1 is:
- .98ct Old Mine Cut with .2ct in accent diamonds
- Platinum
- I Color
- SI2 Clarity
- Consignment listing at $4200; dropped the price to $3400 when I asked




Ring #2 is:
- .25 cts
- 14kt Yellow Gold
- G-H Color
- VS2 Clarity
- Listed at $695; have not negotiated but they should come down?




First I tried on Ring #1. $3400 might not seem like a lot, but it's more than the $1000-$1500 I anticipated spending. I got swept away when I tried it on. It's on the flashy side for my small town, but it measures up to what my college/city friends have. I know that shouldn't matter, but I do have a smidgen of self-consciousness around having a simple ring. I haven't found any other filigree rings I like better - even at triple the price.

When I tried on Ring #2, it was like seeing what I had imagined on my hand. I like the delicate detail. It's something I can see myself wearing every day with ease and enjoying. At $695, I know we wouldn't regret it financially. I like it more than any ring I tried on in my original budget. I'm just worried I won't feel proud/excited about the ring, and that Ring #1 will be "The One That Got Away."

IN CONCLUSION

How do I decide whether the fancy ring is worth an extra $2700 ($2400 of which would be mine)?

I am all over the map. What should I do? What would you do? And why? How do I make this decision and feel at peace about it?

 

[Stone Hunter]

I got engaged and married a long time ago. Back then I thought I needed an e ring to be "really" engaged. We kind of rushed the ring purchase. Now I think differently. Could you see yourself getting married and getting an e ring for an anniversary? I know it's a radical idea to put forward on a diamond board...but so much is up in the air at this point in your lives.

Talk to your fiance about how he really feels about you contributing to the ring. Would he feel the need to replace it after his promotion? How would that make you feel? Are there any family rings out there you could use instead?

Both rings you posted look lovely, but they are VERY different choices. Good luck!

 

[glitterglitter]

Thanks for your response! So sweet of you to weigh in.

Do you wish you had waited to get your ring?

I would be open to the idea of receiving an e-ring for an anniversary... but I have a few hesitations.
#1) I really haven't seen anything out there like Ring #1 for anywhere near $3400, and I like it more than any other filigree ring I've seen, with the exception of some crazy expensive ones.
#2) Having to answer the "where's your e ring" questions from ALL THE PEOPLES.

In our culture, it almost feels like you're not "engaged" until you have a ring.

If I got Ring #2, I would probably forgo having an additional wedding band and perhaps I could upgrade later.

It's hard because I have enough money in savings to pay for Ring #1 pretty easily.... what I'm having trouble with is determining priorities for spending $$ on a ring instead of something else, because I don't know how happy the "dream ring" would make me over the long run... I could see myself feeling grateful I went for it, and I could picture regretting it too.

I know he wouldn't feel the need to replace it after his promotion. And we've talked openly about me contributing. He was grateful I offered. He feels more strongly about having a say in which ring is chosen than he does about the money piece. I think he wishes he could afford to pay for it entirely, primarily because he wishes he were in a better financial position to provide for me. It's not about the ring so much as it is about his financial picture overall.

 

[lkredhat]

Leaving your friends' rings aside ...

Are you in LOOOOOVE with ring #1? Will you keep on being in love?

As important as the ring is, your relationship with husband-to-be matters more. You've brought up several points (you think he wants to pay for it, he's in debt, you're worried too much money on the ring may impact his feelings about the wedding, etc.)

What could you do with that $2700 that would make you happier? A romantic honeymoon? A better wedding venue? Paying off part of his debt (now THAT'S a wedding present)!!

Weigh that against the likelihood that this will be the one that "got away".

 

[iluvshinythings]

I love both rings but #1 has an edge because you seem to like it more (I like it more too but that's just my personal preference, I'm a sucker for filigree and platinum).

Have you asked your BF which he prefers? It sounds like he just wants to be involved in the process but you know him better than we do.

For me, I always ask myself which choice I would make if the price were the same or not a factor. I'm usually not happy with something I chose based only on the price. Not to say that more expensive is always better because it's not but sometimes we buy things because they are a bargain and not because we really, really want them.

You have money in savings so it's totally up to you. I'm not the person to advise you about how to decide because I really, really love antique bling and have a million justifications for why it's a good idea. I'm also a person who has bought a pretty piece of bling and suffered some major guilt about it.

The one thing I can tell you for certain is to buy the ring that speaks to your heart. Don't buy what your friends have just to fit in or what you think they would approve of.

 

[dontaskme]

oh wow!! #1 is beautiful and I think it's very well priced!! I don't think you could find anything close to that for that price!! it looks very white which is really rare too..

 

[glitterglitter]

Thank you all for your perspectives! They are definitely helping me sort through my feelings.

@Ikredhat: I am in LOOOOOVE with ring #1 but have no idea if I will keep being in love. And I have no way of knowing, really, because I've never purchased or had anything like it!

After @Ikredhat posted, I was leaning towards Ring #2. Then @Iluvshinythings posted... and I now I'm reconsidering Ring #1.

@Iluvshinythings says:
I really, really love antique bling and have a million justifications for why it's a good idea.

Can you share with me some of the justifications? You say you're not the person to advise me, but all perspectives are helping me come to a thoughtful decision that is my own....

You also say:
I'm also a person who has bought a pretty piece of bling and suffered some major guilt about it.


Can speak more about the guilt!? Was it enough that you wish you had not purchased the bling? Did the guilt turn into regret? Or was it just guilt along with the pleasure and no regret?

 

[glitterglitter]

oh wow!! #1 is beautiful and I think it's very well priced!! I don't think you could find anything close to that for that price!! it looks very white which is really rare too..

Thank you for weighing in on the price. I have been feeling like it's a steal because the setting is gorgeous and even buying a loose stone of that size could cost more than the total price of the ring!

Does anyone know what I should be asking for in terms of certifications and stuff if I go for Ring #1? What do people usually get with estate rings? Does paperwork matter?

My heart doesn't really care as long as it's a diamond and as long as I think it's pretty, but I also don't want to be naive...

 

[ariel144]

Ring 1 is phenomenal and the price is a steal. That setting would cost a lot to remake as it is a very beautiful and intricate antique setting. Normally diamond rings are not considered an "investment" as one rarely can recover what they paid if they have to resell it but IMO this ring would sell for double what you are paying.

Remember, you will be wearing this ring every day for the rest of your life. I don't think you will ever regret choosing this engagement ring. It is truly a great find!

As long as you love it you don't need to worry about getting the diamond certified. You can have the jeweler write up an appraisal on it for insurance purposes.

 

[glitterglitter]

Ring 1 is phenomenal and the price is a steal. Normally diamond rings are not considered an "investment" as one rarely can recover what they paid if they have to resell it but IMO this ring would sell for double what you are paying.

Wow! I don't know too much about diamonds but I have noticed that for that price I haven't been able to find anything nearly as nice. And I've scoured all of the internet practically!

When you say the ring would sell for double, do you mean you think I could sell it for double? Or I could at least recoup costs if I sold it to a nice jewelry store that would do the full markup on it. The idea of being able to resell it is comforting. I don't think I will want to. But having the option is nice.

As long as you love it you don't need to worry about getting the diamond certified. You can have the jeweler write up an appraisal on it for insurance purposes.

I'm wondering if I should be getting it certified just because it seems too good to be true?

If I did want to get it certified, does anyone have tips?

Thank you @ariel for weighing in! Much appreciated!

 

[iluvshinythings]

Thank you all for your perspectives! They are definitely helping me sort through my feelings.

@Ikredhat: I am in LOOOOOVE with ring #1 but have no idea if I will keep being in love. And I have no way of knowing, really, because I've never purchased or had anything like it!

After @Ikredhat posted, I was leaning towards Ring #2. Then @Iluvshinythings posted... and I now I'm reconsidering Ring #1.

@Iluvshinythings says:
I really, really love antique bling and have a million justifications for why it's a good idea.

Can you share with me some of the justifications? You say you're not the person to advise me, but all perspectives are helping me come to a thoughtful decision that is my own....

You also say:
I'm also a person who has bought a pretty piece of bling and suffered some major guilt about it.


Can speak more about the guilt!? Was it enough that you wish you had not purchased the bling? Did the guilt turn into regret? Or was it just guilt along with the pleasure and no regret?

Keep in mind that I am really good at justifying jewelry so take what I say with a grain of salt.... I love antique jewelry because it's unique, chances are you will never see a piece exactly like it and they aren't making it anymore. This is your wedding/engagement ring so it's special and unless you decide to upgrade, it's worth getting what you want because you'll be wearing it every day for a long time. (within reason, but you sound like a very reasonable, thoughtful person) I've found that the quality of vintage jewelry is much, much higher than the quality and workmanship we typically see today. There are some high-end jewelers that do a remarkable job but the details of vintage jewelry is just gorgeous. I also agree with everyone that the price for ring #1 is really, really good. I look at antique jewelry all the time because it's my hobby and that looks like a steal.

The guilt: I have zero guilt over my engagement ring. Between the DH and I, (I kicked in some funds) we paid cash and it was less than a nice car. For some reason that's always my standard. It's exactly what I wanted and I still love it as much as the first time I saw it.

The piece I felt guilty about was an orange blossom ring. It was an impulse buy because I felt I "needed" a little retail therapy. I didn't really need it and both of us are in an industry that is tanking right now so any extra funds should really be put in savings because the odds are huge that one of us will be laid off. I put that ring on lay-away and had to really squeeze the budget for a couple of months to get it paid off. The layaway made it unreturnable so I was stuck with it. I could have done something for both of us or had some savings or a really nice weekend trip for what I spent. The ring is nice and a nice size for casual wear and travel but I feel a little twang of guilt when I wear it. I think I regret my lack of impulse control more than anything. I also feel guilty because it was unnecessary since I already have several really nice rings. If I could do it over again, I'd pass on the orange blossom but I never feel bad about my e-ring.

 

[glitterglitter]

Impulse buys can be hard to swallow later. I've definitely done that dance, mostly with clothing. And I totally agree with you. I love antique jewelry. Love it! Can't wait to start my collection with this ring.

I know that the store owner of Ring 1 has a one week, no questions asked return policy. I'm thinking about seeing if the owner of Ring 2 has something similar. If so, I may purchase both and wear them around the house for a few days. I tried on Ring 1 in June, and Ring 2 a full 2 months later... hard to decide between the two by looking at photos months after the fact.

I have a feeling if I have them both together, the answer may become clearer.

And thank you for saying I seem thoughful! That was really sweet. I am still so impressed by the community here and how helpful you all are to a total stranger.

 

[glitterglitter]

Also, still wondering if anyone has tips regarding certification! Should I have it done? And if so, any tips on what I should do?

I don't have a strong desire for paperwork, other than I want to make sure I'm not being swindled or duped. How do I know they aren't inflating the quality of the stone if there aren't any papers?

 

[ariel144]

Also, still wondering if anyone has tips regarding certification! Should I have it done? And if so, any tips on what I should do?

I don't have a strong desire for paperwork, other than I want to make sure I'm not being swindled or duped. How do I know they aren't inflating the quality of the stone if there aren't any papers?

You should take it to an independent GIA appraiser in your city to get it appraised. They will tell you the color, clarity and measurements of the central stone. Plus confirm that the metal is platinum or gold and the specs of the diamonds in the setting etc.

To get it "certified" by GIA, AGS or EGL you have to send it off to get the diamond certified as to the accuracy of the color/clarity. GIA and AGS have the highest grading standards, but GIA takes longer. you would not need to have your diamond certified for your own personal use. Sellers do this to authenticate what they are selling for the buying public. Some individuals like to get their diamonds certified for their own personal reference; knowing exactly what they have by GIA standards. If you wanted to sell your ring in the future then you might get the diamond certified.


No you could not get double taking it to a brick and mortar vendor. probably could by consignment on GOG (Good Old Gold), or Love Affair Diamonds or Jewels by Grace or selling it yourself on EBay or Loupe Troop. These online vendors specialize in antique jewelry. Go to their site and check out their prices. Just the setting on #1 would cost probably over $4k to make.

The setting on your ring is nicer than this one IMO but here's an example to compare cost:
http://www.jewelsbygrace.com/rings/vintage-antique/1-03ct-old-european-cut-diamond-square-halo-ring#.VepXl7xViko

You should ask the jeweler to measure the stone ...length/width/depth. Would be nice to see a macro picture of the stone to see the facet pattern of the cushion. That is the way you choose old cuts...what you see with your eyes in person.

BTW, if you decide not to purchase it, please post the Vendor on this thread, I'm sure someone on here would love to have it if you pass on it.

 

[kgizo]

I also agree that #1 is a stunner and seems to be a very good price. Some appraisers will give you 2 options: a less expensive verbal appraisal to confirm what you bought is as advertised, or more expensive with a written report for insurance or resale purposes. Appraisals can vary, and I find even more so with antique pieces. One thing to ask about is previous repairs to the piece and if there are any concerns about the integrity of the piece.

Going on the little bit shared here it seems like you might be settling for #2 since you don't even have it yet you are speculating about upgrading at some point. Think about how long you plan to wear the ring and if you always want to wear what he proposed with or if you envision upgrades in the future. Does the color of the metal matter to you in regards to other jewelry you wear?

Know whatever you get you will occasionally think "what if" about the other. It's just natural.

 

[tyty333]

I kind of feel like when you're getting married your money and his money all sort of becomes funny money. In a matter of months
the money will sort of be used to help/support the family. I think if you love the first ring then you should get it. I wish you had
a better picture of the stone. It looks to be a beautiful ring and a good price. And, if you do get it...DO NOT feel guilty about
getting something you wanted and could afford! You can tell him that the wedding band is all on him .

 

[redroze1]

The first one. It is stunning and the money you pay towards it will not matter a year from now.

 

[chrono]

Without proper paperwork, how do you know that you are getting a true I SI2 stone? Will you still love it if it turned out to be a L I3 diamond? Will you feel that you paid a fair price for it then? Please do your homework first, then you can make an informed decision.

 

[glitterglitter]

Without proper paperwork, how do you know that you are getting a true I SI2 stone? Will you still love it if it turned out to be a L I3 diamond? Will you feel that you paid a fair price for it then? Please do your homework first, then you can make an informed decision.

I have some additional pictures and a video of the ring here: https://goo.gl/photos/HahNe4LQmMg2BHsu8

Until you pointed it out I never even noticed that circled bit! #DiamondNewbie. Kind of wish I hadn't seen it, actually... ignorance is bliss.

Do folks think this is still a fair price if the center stone were an L I3? $3400, down from $4200, Platinum, .98ct center stone, .10cts in side stones, Old Mine Cut.

Does that magnified photo suggest that it's not an S12? I don't particularly want to know where the flaws are in the diamond. As long as I think it's pretty, I don't care much about the color or clarity.

My main concern is: I want to make sure I'm not being sold a bill of goods, just in case somewhere down the line I'd like to consign the ring.

I just spoke with the owner of the store, who said the stone was evaluated using GIA standards. Does that mean anything? Or is that just bullock because he's the seller? He said I will get an appraisal certificate at the time of purchase for insurance purposes.

I'm having trouble with the idea of paying several hundred dollars to get the diamond evaluated in an independent appraisal (plus the cost of shipping it back and forth with insurance, as I live in a rural area). Is it really worth it? Even if the ring is being sold to me as better than it is in color or clarity, would knowing that bring the price down? If it were less of a stone, it wouldn't discourage me from buying it... I would just want to negotiate on the price. They've already taken $800 off the ring, so I'm not sure there's any wiggle room.

Hmmm, perhaps there is a less official way to get an opinion on the color and clarity without paying for a full appraisal?

Thanks for any thoughts! I am getting ready to pull the trigger but definitely welcome your thoughts on this last set of questions

 

[Tourmaline]

When my husband and I got engaged, we were about to combine all of our assets and debts, and the money we spent on the ring came out of my account. It made absolutely no difference. We traded in that ring toward a different stone for our 10th anniversary.

You love the ring. Don't worry about certification. It's a great price. Go for it, and enjoy.

 

[lkredhat]

I didn't mean you shouldn't buy ring #1, but that you want that money to bring you as much pleasure as possible.

As for the ring: I bought my e-ring in a hurry and cut corners. Years later, I'm still looking for an upgrade. So it can be a mistake to cut corners if you won't be happy in the long run. I'd just suggest you talk over some of the issues you raised so your fiance is on board and supportive about your choice.

There's another way of looking at it: cost per wear. If you plan to wear the ring every day for 50 years, that's 365 x 50 = 18,250 days. So you'll only be spending pennies a day! At that rate, either ring is a BARGAIN!!

 

[chrono]

The pictures are too far away to make out anything about the cut quality. Also to assess the cut properly, it has to be a full on straight down picture, taken with macro, and not taken at an angle as most of the pictures show. Ignorance isn't bliss. If it were, you wouldn't be stressing whether the diamond is overpriced or fairly priced. You want all the information upfront now so that there will be no regrets in the future. What if the colour is lower than an L and the clarity worse than I3? As of this point, nobody knows and I've found in-store evaluations to be consistently very generous in their grading. After all, the higher the grading, the higher priced it will be, correct? In-house evaluation is a strong conflict of interest, which is why a proper GIA lab report which is independent of the transaction is the fairest way to determine what it truly is. Any in-house appraisal is also a strong conflict of interest. Have the seller send it of to GIA to find out what you have and if it comes back lower in colour and clarity (which most likely it will), you can then ask for a lower price.

 

[rimjaja]

I am going to be the dissenting opinion and say neither. I think you can do a lot better for your money.

Ring #1 is expensive for what it is. You can get a VS1-2 stone of similar size and color for less money. I've seen PS'ers ask for help locating a good estate diamond/ring on ebay or elsewhere - and you'd be amazed at what they find. I have purchased a .85 vs1/ J-K stone in a white gold art deco setting for $750, and another 1.11 tcw ring with a .93 center stone si2/g-h for $1200 on ebay recently, and my appraiser confirmed the quality. Both rings appraised for much higher than I paid.

Ring #2 doesn't sound like something you have your heart set on.

Collect what you love and what you keep thinking about. I went for 23 years without a wedding ring. We were broke students when we got married and bought a simple gold band with a cz with the hopes of replacing it when we had the funds. After the first year or so of marriage, I was too embarrassed to wear my ring, and so i went ringless and since life happens - replacing my ring was never a priority. Now the kids are teenagers and we finally have some extra $, so I have delved into estate jewelry. If you know what to look for, you can get a lot more for your money AND have something you love and are proud of. Your pawn shop is asking full retail for estate pieces. You can do better. If you make a thread in Rocky talk asking for help finding a ring - I know you will get a lot of suggestions and support

 

[chrono]

If you make a thread in Rocky talk asking for help finding a ring - I know you will get a lot of suggestions and support

+1.

 

[glitterglitter]

Fair points, Chrono and Rimjaja!

The main thing I do worry about regretting is that it's platinum. I have considered yellow gold solitaires because I prefer yellow gold. Platinum filigree engagement rings are the only exception - I think filigree makes diamonds look amazing... I don't own any other yellow gold rings, and I'm not a big jewelry wearer. But my wedding band, which I will wear separately when I'm not feeling blingy, will be yellow gold.

I'm considering an appraisal by a PS listed appraiser who is a GIA graduate. If I go the GIA certification route, I will still have to have the piece appraised for insurance purposes. That just gets to be a lot of $$. Do folks agree that an independent appraisal is a sufficient way to tell what the stone is?

On Old World Diamonds, an .94ct S1 M is $1300. A .9ct L S1 is $1700. A .9ct K SI1 is $1900. I bet there are better prices elsewhere, so if I conservatively estimate that the center stone is valued at$1000, I wonder if the setting is "worth" $2400 (with .10cts in accent diamonds)? The setting is the part of this ring I am really attached to.

I'm glad there is such a range of voices on this forum, but it is confusing. Some say this ring is an outstanding steal. Others say it's full retail. Some say certify, others say go for it and enjoy. And you know what? I see each and every perspective as a valid route! Oy.

What do y'all think I should do? Weigh in! I'm wondering if a wider sample of the group will help me settle on a decision.

Do I:
- Go for it without certs
- Get it certified by GIA and renegotiate
- Get it appraised by an independent appraiser who is a graduate of GIA and renegotiate
- Hold off and look for something in yellow gold that I actually love
- Ask the jeweler to send the stone off to GIA and agree to purchase the ring if it checks out

I have scoured the entire internet for months... ebay, a TON of estate jewelry websites, etsy, Ruby Lane. So far this has been the only filigree piece I love that is anywhere near affordable. I have found a couple of yellow gold rings I like, but so far nothing that's in my price range...

Thanks for the Rocky Talk suggestion... I'm going to start a thread over on rocky talk to see if there's a yellow gold ring out there for me.

And thank you for all of your perspectives!

 

[chrono]

If you insure it, you'll need the GIA lab report at minimum because the appraisal is made based on the result of the GIA lab report.

 

[glitterglitter]

Also, my honey and I came up with an alternative that I am really excited about, regardless of which ring we select. I am going to purchase the e-ring and give it to him. He will handle the proposal. And he is going to start saving to take us on our first international vacation together. If he gets his promotion, it could be in 6 months. If not, it may take a few years to save up. Either way, having him take me on a romantic vacation together is far more meaningful than having him pay for a piece of jewelry that I picked out. Most importantly... we both feel good about the plan.

We were going to split the cost of the ring and split the cost of a trip, but I proposed the new arrangement and he softened immediately and thought it was more romantic. I've never been treated to an international trip by a partner before, so I am just so excited to see where he will be whisking me away!

 

[glitterglitter]

So @Chrono, you're saying that I can't truly get the piece appraised without a GIA lab report? I didn't know that!

 

[chrono]

So @Chrono, you're saying that I can't truly get the piece appraised without a GIA lab report? I didn't know that!

You can but it will be the appraiser's opinion only. If reselling, the GIA report will hold more clout than the appraiser's opinion. I've had my older diamonds appraised but when submitted to GIA, the results were less than favourable. I couldn't be mind clean about it and traded it in for another diamond, this time with GIA paperwork.

 

[westjenn]

Just my opinion, I would stick within your budget for a few reasons. You say that you don't wear jewelry much and you're going to be getting a YG wedding band. If you're on the fence about Platinum I don't see that changing.. Why pay the premium if you don't love the metal?
If you can't find anything that you love within your budget right now, have you considered getting something like a diamond band that you can pair with your YG wedding band? Stacking sets are popular right now and it's a very simple and modern look.
You will still have that bling factor for a lot less money given you are going with YG.