"Natural" Childbirth Overrated?

[Kaleigh]

I wanted a natural birth but my body didn't go with that plan. My first labor was 48 hours, with pitocin. I was like please do a c section , and the doctor was like no you can do this. Finally he agreed and did the C section. I was a wreck afterwards and was thankful for the pain meds.

I did beat myself up for having a C section but got over it quickly. I had a healthy baby and that's all that mattered to me...

I would tell my daughter to go with what is right for her.

Women should do more supporting of eachother than judging.. JMHO.

 

[telephone89]

@katharath - I had a friend who had an ectopic pregnancy that almost killed her. She now wants to have another child, but is terrified of what will happen both to her and her potential child. While complications are 'rare', they aren't really. I agree, it's important to be informed - no matter your decision.

Thanks for the supportive post, I appreciate it. Completely understand your friend's fears, and I hope everything turns out well for her. All we can really do is make our choices and hope for the best, I guess.

Agreed. Everything has risks, even crossing the street. I'm glad you shared Thank you.

PS I'm also a september baby. So YAY for me & your kidlets!

 

[JDDN]

OMG...

Is "unnatural birth" an option? Incubating it in a nice cozy box with a heat lamp and waiting for it to hatch is sounding better and better the more posts in this thread I read

Lol, my OB and I had this exact conversation!!

Despite all the pain and suffering I went through it was totally worth it. And I did fall in love with both of my children the moment I held them in my arms.

I think the most important thing is to not be afraid. Don't take to heart other women's horror stories of how painful, yucky, long, etc. their labor was - meaning don't let the stories scare you. There are plenty of women who had easy, smooth and low pain births. Just like some women LOVE being pregnant.

For me having a difficult birth wasn't even the main thing, not even close. I had a complication that happens approx 1-3% of the time with births in industrialized countries. It caused so many health complications that I had to quit my job, have two corrective surgeries which were only partially effective, and I will have lasting problems for the rest of my life. I do not want to be more specific on a public venue as it was intensely private and difficult, and still is.

The thing that bothers me is that so many women don't even know that really serious, lasting complications can happen with pregnancy and childbirth. Tv and movies glamorize it and make it seem so easy. It's actually life threatening and a very serious choice. This is a big part of why I'm so pro choice. No one should be forced to have a child!

I don't want to scare women. Maybe it's truly not helpful for them to know that pretty awful things you've never even heard of or imagined can happen to your body with childbirth. But I guess a part of me still wishes I had known, that someone had told me! I guess that seems silly, I don't know. My kids are very healthy and I'm so thankful that if something "bad" happened, it's better that it was me and not them.

My children were both born in Sept and their bdays are coming up very soon (one is this week), so I guess I'm contemplative more than usual right now. I can't help but sort of relive it all, even though my oldest will be 11. It's been that long and still I deal with the health consequences of his birth on a daily basis. Usually I'm fine about it and used to it, but it can still get upset over it. I don't focus on it, it was just seeing this thread that made me stop and think. Believe me, the focus of the entire month of Sept is their bdays

Sorry for any negativity, I'm just relating my personal experience. My children have brought me a lot of happiness, there truly is nothing I can compare it to.

And don't forget - birth #2 was a c section and couldn't have gone smoother! I like to think it was the universe trying to make up for my difficult first birth, lol.

Katharath: I'm so sorry you had such a complicated labor and delivery. It's a hard thing to go through and I'm thankful to hear that you are healthy and so are your children. But like you say, you're still dealing with the consequences daily and that is no easy thing. If pregnancy and labor weren't enough....I say it's the gift that keeps on giving.

I was just trying to convey that the unknown can be really scary and sometimes stories make us fear it even more. There are very real complications of pregnancy and childbirth and those are not to be taken lightly. I don't ever want to minimize the risks of pregnancy or labor.

And glad to hear birth #2 was much easier on you!

 

[katharath]

Telephone - that's funny, my mom is a Sept baby too! She and my youngest have the same bday, she was there for his birth, it was a great experience

JDDN - I completely understand what you were trying to say. And really you are right, we don't want to scare people needlessly. Thank you for the kind words. I know I must seem conflicted when I write about this topic - it's just still tough, even with time. I really do take comfort in the nice comments that understanding women (such as yourself) make.

Sorry if I've taken us too far off topic!! But thank you all for letting me be heard.

 

[tuffyluvr]

Re: "Natural" Childbirth Overrated?

With my first, I didn't even think about it,I asked for an epidural. M had a 95% head and was facing up....whatever that's called. Not breach, but facing up instead of down.

I don't know if this is the technical term, but my friend's daughter was turned up rather than facing down and she called it "back labor" because the baby's spine is pressed against the mother's spine. She said it was excruciating. She had her daughter naturally and had an epidural with her son and after having her son she said she would have asked for the epidural the first time around if she knew how much more pleasant it would have been.

I've never had a baby, but my mom said "it's really not that bad" (quite nonchalantly) about childbirth on multiple occasions :O She either happened to have 2 very easy births or she had an insanely high pain tolerance (from other experiences, I believe this to be the case).

 

[MissGotRocks]

iLander, I'm presuming we were both giving birth in the same time frame when 'natural' childbirth was all the rage. It was better for the baby, blah, blah, blah. The only other thing that was offered was a spinal and you were scared with the stories of raging headaches afterward and possible temporary paralysis. The word epidural was not mentioned to me. Once in labor, we had to be shaved and have enemas. Talk about painful! I was fortunate that although both of my labors started hard and very intense, they were relatively short lived - about four hours all told. When it was over, it was over with no residual pain - except for afterbirth pain with my second. I couldn't understand why I was still having pain and was told that happens with second births on - but not the first. As with anything else, I was just glad to have gotten through it although I certainly didn't consider myself a hero by any means. The only thing I was really proud of was the fact that I didn't scream like I heard other women doing. Frankly, I felt like I had to save my energy for the task at hand and didn't want to waste it on screaming. We had done the classes which in the final analysis were worthless from the point of view that if you controlled your breathing, the pain wouldn't be as intense. Utter nonsense!

Fast forward to my daughter and DIL giving birth. My advice to them was to do what worked for them and plans often go awry anyway as every birth is different. DIL ended up having to have an epidural to relax so that labor would resume and my daughter had a scheduled C-section as the baby was breach. I know that neither of them suffered as much as I did and frankly I was grateful for that. With age comes wisdom and the ability to not be influenced by what a doctor - particularly a male doctor who has never given birth - thinks is best for you. Today I would gladly take the epidural and not suffer needlessly - regardless of what anyone else thought.

I think the same applies to breastfeeding - so much pressure and while we all understand the benefits - it is just not always practical. Once young mothers return to work, it is a real juggling game to do it full time. Here again, what works best for the individual is what I would advocate. Some plow through it, some pump and some supplement with formula. The baby will generally thrive as long as it is fed something!

In a perfect world, young mothers would be given all the options and then be able to choose what works best for them in their particular situation without any guilt being laid on them for being less than 'perfect' - whatever perfect means!

 

[momhappy]

iLander, I totally agree with you.

I had my daughter back in the late 80's. We went to Lamaze classes and I was convinced that if I just breathed correctly during the birth, I wouldn't feel any pain. Boy was I WRONG!!! It hurt a lot!!! I was in shock when I realized how much contractions hurt and that my breathing didn't do squat to help. My OB was old fashioned and didn't believe in giving first time mothers epidurals. If I had known then what I know now, I would have found a different doctor! I was finally given a shot of Demerol, along with a large dose of guilt from my ex and the nurses, which didn't really help the pain at all but it did calm me down. I felt like a failure for many years because I had that medication. (my opinion is completely different now)

I've been with my daughter when both of my grandsons were born and things have completely changed. She was given an epidural both times and had mostly pleasant deliveries. A couple of weeks before her due date with her second, she watched "The Business of Being Born" and had a meltdown. I think the guilt trip associated with not having a completely "natural" birth continues and it makes me sad.

Looking back on the way women were "prepped" for delivery and how our pain was managed, I think it was barbaric compared to today's standards. There was a lot of "prep" involved in having my daughter that she didn't have to go through with my grandsons and I think that's a huge improvement.

I don't think my "natural" birth experience was any more natural than my daughter's. I hope that any woman who's had a C-section wasn't given that load of BS either about how her birth wasn't "natural" or wasn't as "good". I don't understand how a large amount of pain, stretching and tearing in any way makes one birth superior to another just like I don't think it's a failure in any way if the end result was surgical or required medication.

I think women should be informed of their options and not made to feel bad about whatever they and their doctor chooses. I definitely think "natural" childbirth is overrated and unnecessary but if that's what a woman chooses to do, more power to her.

I guess what I'm trying to say that is that I wish we could all have healthy babies with as much or as little medical intervention as we desire and not make each other feel guilty about it.

Boy, is this spot-on... I took a "Prepared Childbirth" class and I would have been waaaaaaayyyyy better off without it. They taught us about pain management by breathing through the pain of clipping clothes pins on our ear lobes. They told us to bring comfy slippers, relaxing music, a wooden back massager-thingy.....Oh, and don't forget my birth "plan"....as though childbirth is something that you can plan What I quickly realized was that the pain was not "manageable" with any of these things and it made me feel like a big ol' failure. With 2nd baby, I figured this out and had an epidural, which made childbirth so much more tolerable, meaningful, and downright more pleasurable. A woman should do whatever makes her happy and/or keeps her (and baby ) safe

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

I'm due to give birth for the first time in January, I've been thinking about this a lot. I am aiming for a drug free birth but not for me really, epidurals have been shown to increase the length of labor and the amount of women who need a cesarean. And babies born to Mothers who don't have any pain meds tend to latch quicker and better (in the beginning at least) than babies born to Mothers who used pain meds. I've also had both a lumbar puncture and an epidural blood patch in the last year and would prefer not to introduce any more trauma to the area than needed. Then again, we'll see how I handle it when I'm actually in labor :p

 

[Polished]

Three children. One cesarean, followed by one epidural, followed by another cesarean. Give me the cesarean any day. I didn't want to witness my son being born or have him presented to me at the end. I wanted to throw up. He was an odd looking soul anyway - all long legs and arms (we nicknamed him "Moose" for years) not in the least chubby and cherubic. I consider myself lucky to have had assisted births. My mother had lost her first child in India, where they had been posted due to a botched forceps delivery.

I agree with the statement there is no such thing as unnatural childbirth. Whatever works best for you is the best method for you. I think you are all champions for having gone through it and all that matters is you and your baby got through it safely.

missy you're a gem! In another thread the topic of women supporting other women in their choices came up. You've actioned it straight away.

 

[Dandi]

My son was posterior as well (face up) but I was content labouring drug free for about 13 hours. My OB asked me to get an epidural at that point, as my son was stuck and my body was working so hard to push him out with a few seconds between contractions. He wanted my body to slow down and relax. I was happy to do whatever he felt was right, I trust him completely. I got the epidural and rested comfortably for another 7 hours, at which point O got really distressed and was passing a lot of meconium. I had an emergency caesarean, and had an easy and relatively painless recovery. O attached straight away and fed like a champ.

There are risks and benefits to everything, but for me, a VBAC isn't on the cards for baby #2. I feel the risks outweigh the benefits, and quite frankly, I've experienced labour and don't feel the need to go there again. Everyone's experience is so different, and like others have stated, there are no extra points for unmedicated births, nor do I view those mothers in any different light to caesarean mums, or mums who request the works in terms of pain relief. It's more about what the mum wishes to experience. I'm an anaesthetic nurse and I feel that medicine has come such an amazingly long way, and the pain relief options available are safe and effective, and should never be disregarded or ruled out long before the birth happens.

So for me, natural childbirth merely means giving birth without makeup on

 

[ericad]

I only have one child, yet had a bit of both types lol. 20 hours of labor and 2.5 hours of pushing. I had the epidural about 10 hours in and it was smooth sailing until I sat up to start pushing, and the epidural must have shifted or something because I FELT EVERYTHING after that. I am thankful I was spared the additional 10 hours of contraction pain, but am quite bitter that I got shafted in the end.

I vote for the epidural and encourage women I know to also do so without any guilt whatsoever, but I certainly don't have a personal stake in what other people choose. Give birth with pain killers, without, in a birth center, in a hospital, in a bath tub, or swinging in a hammock made of hemp and the dried placentas of your ancestors - not my business. Whatever we choose, it should be met with kindness and support from our fellow mommas because the experience of childbirth is as unique as the child herself. It's not a contest.

And don't even get me started on the topic of breastfeeding...

 

[momhappy]

^epidurals aren't necessarily supposed to take away all of the pain. Each medical facility can utilize their own "cocktail" of drugs, so while one epidural might take away almost all of the pain, another one might just take the edge off (like the one that I had). I still felt a considerable amount of pain with my epidural, but the pain was tolerable and allowed me to be human and focus on the task at hand (as opposed to my non-epidural experience where it was pretty much all a blur because I couldn't function due to the pain).

Childbirth is intensely personal. I would advocate that each woman does what's best for her. I don't think that there is some "badge of honor" that should be associated with birthing a child drug-free - if a woman chooses to go that route, fabulous, but I don't think it minimizes any other birth experience.

 

[ericad]

^epidurals aren't necessarily supposed to take away all of the pain. Each medical facility can utilize their own "cocktail" of drugs, so while one epidural might take away almost all of the pain, another one might just take the edge off (like the one that I had). I still felt a considerable amount of pain with my epidural, but the pain was tolerable and allowed me to be human and focus on the task at hand (as opposed to my non-epidural experience where it was pretty much all a blur because I couldn't function due to the pain).

Childbirth is intensely personal. I would advocate that each woman does what's best for her. I don't think that there is some "badge of honor" that should be associated with birthing a child drug-free - if a woman chooses to go that route, fabulous, but I don't think it minimizes any other birth experience.

That's possible, but the lady who did my epidural had to do it 3 or 4 times (I've blocked the memory) and complained that I had "very dense discs" lol, and while pushing I distinctly remember wanting to kill myself, my eyes frantically searching for an open window to throw myself out of - if a drug-free birth is even worse than that, I'm shocked that we haven't gone extinct lol. Around that time the nurse, and my husband, suggested that I was "pushing wrong" and so I killed them both.

There's a reason my daughter is an only child, lol.

 

[katharath]

I've had an epidural (birth 1, vaginal) and a spinal (birth 2, c/s), they both blocked every bit of pain. All I could feel was pressure. If your doctor is doing it right, I don't think you should feel pain, lol.

Although yes, they can certainly make them less strong, I don't doubt that. If you want the full effect, just ask for it! If you ask for it and you don't get the relief, I'm so sorry...

EricaD - it sounds like they really messed yours up, SO sorry you had that experience . With all that went wrong with my first son's birth, I tell myself "at least the epidural went right"!! I remember that by the time I finally got the epi (I asked for it at 6 cm in intense pain, but the anesthesiologist was doing another woman's epi/or spinal for a c/s, and the nurse basically said, see we told you to get it when you had the chance, lol! So I had to wait what felt like ages but was about an hour...I think I literally cried years of relief when it kicked in).

Erica I completely understand only having one , bc if my epi hadn't worked I think I'd have stuck with one too!

Eta - had to edit this at least 4 times, so any mistakes, lol!! Need coffee.

 

[momhappy]

^I don't feel that way. I think that a certain amount of pain is normal (and doesn't mean that a doctor is not doing his/her job). I actually preferred to have some pain because I could still feel when it was time to push (as opposed to the doctors/nurses telling me when it was time to push). I didn't want to be completely numb because even though the experience of childbirth is painful, it's still something that I wanted to experience. I was relieved that the epidural my hospital used took away enough pain to function normally, but not so much that I felt out-of-it.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I haven't read all the posts, but my situation was the exact opposite (babies born in the 80's). Everyone took Lamaze classes, but almost everyone I knew had epidurals and just used the Lamaze up to that point! I thought it was wonderful! What no one ever told me was that epidurals can slow labor and it isn't very natural or easy to give birth flat on your back! Gravity helps! I have grown more skeptical of accepting everything conventional medicine says, because there are often alternatives that are better.

Fast forward to now, my daughter has had two babies with midwives and no epidural. Honestly, her labors were faster, and the second time, she delivered in a birth center (in big tub) around 2 am and was back home around 9:30 am not too long after her 2.5 year old woke up! She was in FAR better shape than I was either time! Her recovery was vastly faster than mine.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1595040/

Anyway, everyone has to make that choice. I judge no one due to the fact that it usually works out fine either way. There are horrible stories you can find from both sides. What is important is a healthy baby at the end.

 

[momhappy]

^epidurals aren't necessarily supposed to take away all of the pain. Each medical facility can utilize their own "cocktail" of drugs, so while one epidural might take away almost all of the pain, another one might just take the edge off (like the one that I had). I still felt a considerable amount of pain with my epidural, but the pain was tolerable and allowed me to be human and focus on the task at hand (as opposed to my non-epidural experience where it was pretty much all a blur because I couldn't function due to the pain).

Childbirth is intensely personal. I would advocate that each woman does what's best for her. I don't think that there is some "badge of honor" that should be associated with birthing a child drug-free - if a woman chooses to go that route, fabulous, but I don't think it minimizes any other birth experience.

That's possible, but the lady who did my epidural had to do it 3 or 4 times (I've blocked the memory) and complained that I had "very dense discs" lol, and while pushing I distinctly remember wanting to kill myself, my eyes frantically searching for an open window to throw myself out of - if a drug-free birth is even worse than that, I'm shocked that we haven't gone extinct lol. Around that time the nurse, and my husband, suggested that I was "pushing wrong" and so I killed them both.

There's a reason my daughter is an only child, lol.

I'm sorry to hear about your experience. I certainly wasn't trying to imply that Your epidural was fine - I was just commenting about how all epidurals are not created equal

 

[Laila619]

I've birthed 4 babies, both big and small. My biggest baby was 9 lb 6 ounces. Lemme tell you, the epidural was heavenly! I personally was in so much pain that I don't think I would have been able to do it without the epidural. I wanted to have a drug-free birth, badly. Um yeah, that went right out the window. I am usually pretty resistant to pain, but for some reason, childbirth contractions are SO INCREDIBLY PAINFUL to me. Worst pain I've ever felt in my life.

 

[tyty333]

I had one vaginal birth with epi, and 2 c-sections. Give me a c-section any day. I felt like I had been hit by a mac truck after my
vaginal birth. The epi was a big help at first but later on I felt plenty of pain...I guess it was tolerable but I sure could have
done without it. Afterwards I was so exhausted I couldnt even lift my arms to hold my new baby.

To me, whatever it takes to have a healthy baby and mom is the way to go. No one should make you feel bad because of how
your delivery went.

 

[ericad]

No worries momhappy - I didn't take it in a bad way at all! If I found out my epi wasn't as strong as it could have been, I'd still feel like I got ripped off because I bet they charged me the same amount on the bill! Let's just say that my expectation was to maybe feel pressure but no pain, so I was surprised...I honestly think my spinal column was just not cooperative, though I'm still grateful for 10 hours without contraction pain - I honestly can't imagine 2 hours of pushing after 20 hours of hard contractions. I'm sure I would have powered through somehow but, glad I didn't have to.

 

[katharath]

^I don't feel that way. I think that a certain amount of pain is normal (and doesn't mean that a doctor is not doing his/her job). I actually preferred to have some pain because I could still feel when it was time to push (as opposed to the doctors/nurses telling me when it was time to push). I didn't want to be completely numb because even though the experience of childbirth is painful, it's still something that I wanted to experience. I was relieved that the epidural my hospital used took away enough pain to function normally, but not so much that I felt out-of-it.

Yes, some people do want some feeling. If you tell your doctor that, they can adjust your levels. This is more typically known as a walking epidural and is not the strength of your usual epidural.

You have to keep in mind that they use these procedures (epis and spinals) for c sections too. They do NOT want you to feel your belly being cut open, these are very strong doses. You should not feel any pain if given a full dose, only pressure.

If you want to feel more that's fine, just say so. But when getting a full strength dose, it is not typical to feel pain. The reason I'm clarifying is for any women who haven't been through this - if you get an epi and still feel pain, especially excessive pain, you need to speak up because they should adjust your medication level.

ETA - I am not AT ALL saying that all women will have the same experience - just stating what a typical full dose epidural usually feels like.

 

[katharath]

Just found this on epis and thought it may be of interest (from a UK baby site):


-For about one-in-eight women it doesn't work adequately and only numbs parts of their tummy. In this case, extra pain relief will be needed. If you're not pain-free within half an hour of the epidural starting, ask the anaesthetist to come back to adjust it or try again.
-Though it works fairly quickly, it takes about 20 minutes to insert and set up and another 20 minutes to work once the anaesthetic has been injected. This is longer than most other types of pain relief.
-You will need to stay in bed, as your legs are likely to feel weak or heavy. Even if you are able to shuffle around on the bed, you won't be able to walk around. Not many hospitals offer true mobile epidurals.

 

[House Cat]

I had a c-section for my first birth, a 10 pound 5 ounce boy with a head the size of a basketball...ok, not a basketball, but seriously it was huge. This child was a behemoth and I was not. I have a small frame.

I remember when I got pregnant with my second child, ten years later...there were SO MANY granola, home birthing moms who told me that my c-section was unnecessary. They told me that my body would NEVER produce a child that was too big for me to birth. They said that if I had allowed myself to be in labor longer (i had been in labor three days) that my body would have "known what to do" and I would have been able to birth that baby.

They also told me to ignore the advice of my doctor and do a VBAC. Nevermind the fact that I was at risk for having an even larger baby the second go around. Nevermind that an even larger baby meant that my uterus was at a greater risk for rupturing which meant my baby would die and I might too. "C-sections were convenient for doctors. That is why they push to schedule them so often"

Heaping scoops of BS disguised as uninformed granola propaganda guilt. This is dangerous stuff.

I had my c-section...btw. And I would do it again in a heartbeat!

 

[SylviaF]

I haven't read all the posts, but my situation was the exact opposite (babies born in the 80's). Everyone took Lamaze classes, but almost everyone I knew had epidurals and just used the Lamaze up to that point! I thought it was wonderful! What no one ever told me was that epidurals can slow labor and it isn't very natural or easy to give birth flat on your back! Gravity helps! I have grown more skeptical of accepting everything conventional medicine says, because there are often alternatives that are better.

Fast forward to now, my daughter has had two babies with midwives and no epidural. Honestly, her labors were faster, and the second time, she delivered in a birth center (in big tub) around 2 am and was back home around 9:30 am not too long after her 2.5 year old woke up! She was in FAR better shape than I was either time! Her recovery was vastly faster than mine.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1595040/

Anyway, everyone has to make that choice. I judge no one due to the fact that it usually works out fine either way. There are horrible stories you can find from both sides. What is important is a healthy baby at the end.

I agree with this that gravity and being able to walk around and not tied to a bed by an IV makes a HUGE difference in the speed and efficacy of labor. There is no doubt, based on studies conducted worldwide, that the U.S. has a very high c-section rate when compared to other countries. I think we would be able to lower that rate with better education of moms and better availability of midwives and birthing centers.

 

[momhappy]

^I don't feel that way. I think that a certain amount of pain is normal (and doesn't mean that a doctor is not doing his/her job). I actually preferred to have some pain because I could still feel when it was time to push (as opposed to the doctors/nurses telling me when it was time to push). I didn't want to be completely numb because even though the experience of childbirth is painful, it's still something that I wanted to experience. I was relieved that the epidural my hospital used took away enough pain to function normally, but not so much that I felt out-of-it.

Yes, some people do want some feeling. If you tell your doctor that, they can adjust your levels. This is more typically known as a walking epidural and is not the strength of your usual epidural.

You have to keep in mind that they use these procedures (epis and spinals) for c sections too. They do NOT want you to feel your belly being cut open, these are very strong doses. You should not feel any pain if given a full dose, only pressure.

If you want to feel more that's fine, just say so. But when getting a full strength dose, it is not typical to feel pain. The reason I'm clarifying is for any women who haven't been through this - if you get an epi and still feel pain, especially excessive pain, you need to speak up because they should adjust your medication level.

ETA - I am not AT ALL saying that all women will have the same experience - just stating what a typical full dose epidural usually feels like.

Epidurals make the contractions feel less strong and easier to manage. Being totally numb during labor is undesirable because you need to know when and where to push at the end of your labor. Medical facilities can adjust the medication type and amount to meet each patient's needs. Some epidurals allow patients to give themselves a couple of extra doses of medication and those extra doses should provide satisfactory pain control. I would presume that If a woman experiences what she considers to be a lot of pain after the epidural is in place, they can add more medicine to the catheter. I don't agree that you shouldn't feel any pain with an epidural (generally speaking), but again, that would vary from person to person, hospital to hospital, epidural to epidural

 

[lyra]

What I took away from childbirth is that women can feel guilty for life over their birthing experiences. No one around me judged me. It was media images that made me feel bad. I had a horrendous first birth, and I never tell the story. It ended in an emergency c-section and a hospital file a few inches thick because I think they were worried about malpractice. I wouldn't even consider having another child until my new doctor told me I could definitely have a scheduled c-section. Birth number 2 was great! No guilt from that, no regrets, it was incredibly easy. I wish women didn't face this kind of judgement over every little thing to do with pregnancy and birth. It's stressful enough no matter how it goes.

 

[katharath]

I was just thinking - isn't it funny how once we have a baby, we all become experts on what's the best way? Not just the birth experience, but everything else too - I think that's why we women have these issues supporting each other. Once we've been through it, it seems easy to say, this is right or this is wrong, I wish I'd done this so YOU should do that, etc etc etc. I know I'm guilty of this!!

House Cat - I'm with you on the C/S thing. I wish to god that I'd had one with my first, it would've saved me an unimaginable amount of pain, time, money, etc. But I was terrified of "having" to have one because I'd heard so many judge-y comments about it! No one had ever told me about a great c/s experience, ever. And my second birth with my c/s was so wonderful, that's why I recommend them to anyone who is on the fence or afraid of having to have one. I wish there wasn't so much fear of them, or anger at them, or negativity - whatever you want to call it. My recovery time was incredibly fast. My recovery from my vaginal birth? Never going to fully happen, I deal with the effects on a daily basis.

As far as epidurals go, I have no wish to debate the exact level of pain that they remove for every single woman, as that's nothing I can know. I only "know" that I'm grateful mine worked, that I'd recommend them, and that I had no pain while I delivered my first OR while they cut into my belly for my second. I'm incredibly grateful that my procedures were so effective. I wish any women who hope to utilize them in the future such effectiveness, and would only say that if you have one but remain in pain at a level that is uncomfortable to you, please speak to your doctor.

 

[katharath]

What I took away from childbirth is that women can feel guilty for life over their birthing experiences. No one around me judged me. It was media images that made me feel bad. I had a horrendous first birth, and I never tell the story. It ended in an emergency c-section and a hospital file a few inches thick because I think they were worried about malpractice. I wouldn't even consider having another child until my new doctor told me I could definitely have a scheduled c-section. Birth number 2 was great! No guilt from that, no regrets, it was incredibly easy. I wish women didn't face this kind of judgement over every little thing to do with pregnancy and birth. It's stressful enough no matter how it goes.

I just read your post after I posted that last one.

Sounds like we have A LOT in common!!! I can completely empathize with almost every sentence you wrote. I hate to say it bc I know it must have been so painful for you - but it does help when I read about other women who've gone through something so similar. Thank you for your post.

 

[sugarski]

^epidurals aren't necessarily supposed to take away all of the pain. Each medical facility can utilize their own "cocktail" of drugs, so while one epidural might take away almost all of the pain, another one might just take the edge off (like the one that I had). I still felt a considerable amount of pain with my epidural, but the pain was tolerable and allowed me to be human and focus on the task at hand (as opposed to my non-epidural experience where it was pretty much all a blur because I couldn't function due to the pain).

Childbirth is intensely personal. I would advocate that each woman does what's best for her. I don't think that there is some "badge of honor" that should be associated with birthing a child drug-free - if a woman chooses to go that route, fabulous, but I don't think it minimizes any other birth experience.

That's possible, but the lady who did my epidural had to do it 3 or 4 times (I've blocked the memory) and complained that I had "very dense discs" lol, and while pushing I distinctly remember wanting to kill myself, my eyes frantically searching for an open window to throw myself out of - if a drug-free birth is even worse than that, I'm shocked that we haven't gone extinct lol. Around that time the nurse, and my husband, suggested that I was "pushing wrong" and so I killed them both.

There's a reason my daughter is an only child, lol.

EricaD, I don't know how to highlight just part of your quote, but the last few lines of this made me laugh very hard. And cry a little bit.

 

[momhappy]

I was just thinking - isn't it funny how once we have a baby, we all become experts on what's the best way? Not just the birth experience, but everything else too - I think that's why we women have these issues supporting each other. Once we've been through it, it seems easy to say, this is right or this is wrong, I wish I'd done this so YOU should do that, etc etc etc. I know I'm guilty of this!!

House Cat - I'm with you on the C/S thing. I wish to god that I'd had one with my first, it would've saved me an unimaginable amount of pain, time, money, etc. But I was terrified of "having" to have one because I'd heard so many judge-y comments about it! No one had ever told me about a great c/s experience, ever. And my second birth with my c/s was so wonderful, that's why I recommend them to anyone who is on the fence or afraid of having to have one. I wish there wasn't so much fear of them, or anger at them, or negativity - whatever you want to call it. My recovery time was incredibly fast. My recovery from my vaginal birth? Never going to fully happen, I deal with the effects on a daily basis.

As far as epidurals go, I have no wish to debate the exact level of pain that they remove for every single woman, as that's nothing I can know. I only "know" that I'm grateful mine worked, that I'd recommend them, and that I had no pain while I delivered my first OR while they cut into my belly for my second. I'm incredibly grateful that my procedures were so effective. I wish any women who hope to utilize them in the future such effectiveness, and would only say that if you have one but remain in pain at a level that is uncomfortable to you, please speak to your doctor.

I'm sorry that you felt that it was a debate - I thought that we were just sharing opinions, experiences, etc. with epidurals As I mentioned before, I would advocate that every woman does what is right for her (and that includes epidurals). I am glad that your experiences were positive ones and I appreciated reading your posts