How Do You Stop Ogling at Others When You Alr Have Your SO?

[D_]

At least that's the analogy I can think of.
(Well, except for the fact that it's acceptable in many cultures to have many diamonds).
This doesn't always happen, often you get what you expect and you are happy.

Let's say you have a list of criteria, narrow it down to 3-5 suitors, exchange a few emails with them and feel/think that 1 of them is "perfect".
You decide to meet with the diamond, who is beautiful and looks just like what the profile says.
But for some reason, it doesn't blow your socks off.
Perhaps it's the anticipation, perhaps it's because those who have helped to set up the date have told you so much glowing things about it.
You look at it every day and grows more and more attached to it.
But after you put it back in the box, you sneak out, open your computer/phone, and swipe left and right at profiles from various other websites.
And you found others, some look smarter, some are more beautiful, more intriguing, cheaper...
And it'll be months or a couple of years before you can date again (read: add yet another diamond in your collection).
You are not sure if you should date another instead - inside you fear if the other one you have been ogling (smarter, more beautiful one) will not be a good match for you after all. Plus you are scared of piling on bad karma.

What do you do?

 

[tyty333]

Re: How Do You Stop Ogling at Others When You Alr Have Your

Ha Ha! I have this same feeling but about settings. There are so many beautiful settings out there...how can I settle with just
one? I would like to try them all...maybe a few on the same hand! And when I do think I want to settle down on one,
how do I know it will be the *right* one and I will be faithful??? If I don't choose the right one, it could all be very costly in the
end! Sometime I think it would just be easier to be celibate!

The grass is always greener comes to mind...

 

[D_]

Re: How Do You Stop Ogling at Others When You Alr Have Your

My dear friend told me to stop looking at other people's lawns.
But it's easier said than done when you can easily tiptoe or see them while "just walking casually"

 

[jordyonbass]

Re: How Do You Stop Ogling at Others When You Alr Have Your

This is the same dirty, horrible feeling of betrayal that I get whenever I go to a different shop to get my fishing gear. It's like cheating

 

[canuk-gal]

Re: How Do You Stop Ogling at Others When You Alr Have Your

My dear friend told me to stop looking at other people's lawns.
But it's easier said than done when you can easily tiptoe or see them while "just walking casually"

You know the grass isn't always greener.....

 

[minousbijoux]

Re: How Do You Stop Ogling at Others When You Alr Have Your

Who cares? Look away, its free and harmless.

 

[D_]

Re: How Do You Stop Ogling at Others When You Alr Have Your

Well the problem is you look and you find some that makes you want to swap your SO for them (or at least wondering if you should/would have happier life with them)

 

[ennui]

Re: How Do You Stop Ogling at Others When You Alr Have Your

The grass is always greener comes to mind...

The grass is greener where it gets watered.
Otoh, in the California drought, brown is the new green.

 

[tyty333]

Re: How Do You Stop Ogling at Others When You Alr Have Your

The grass is always greener comes to mind...

The grass is greener where it gets watered.
Otoh, in the California drought, brown is the new green.

I'm on the east coast...I'll send you some of the rain we've been getting! It's been raining cats and dogs and now
we might have tropical storm Erika headed our way!

I know lack of rain is no laughing matter. Makes me sad whats going on our there with the fires.

 

[missy]

Re: How Do You Stop Ogling at Others When You Alr Have Your

People are different than things. So for example with regards to my dh he *is* the absolutely perfect fit for me. He is my soulmate, my best friend, my everything. My ER and other jewelry well, not so much in that it is just a material possession. Not irreplaceable in any way unlike my dh. So with regards to jewelry I continue to ogle and appreciate other bling. But with regards to my life partner, my one and only, he is just that. My one and only and there is no other that could ever take his place. He is truly the perfect partner in every way and I have no desire for anyone else. None at all.

 

[Caramelfreak]

Re: How Do You Stop Ogling at Others When You Alr Have Your

Gauge out my eyes.

 

[junebug17]

Re: How Do You Stop Ogling at Others When You Alr Have Your

Lol Carmelfreak!

It's funny, but as much as I love diamonds I'm pretty content with my current OEC and don't really have any regrets or second thoughts about it. I can admire other stones without second-guessing my choice. I guess I'm just managing to be practical about it - I know it's not perfect, but it's a pretty stone, it was in my budget, and I happy enough with it that I don't what to spend money upgrading to better specs or a bigger size. I'm attached to it and it just feels like "my" diamond if that makes sense. I remind myself that even a few years ago I never dreamed I'd ever have a diamond like this. I admit I oogle the large solitaires but I guess I'm at peace that that just isn't in the cards for me and I'm ok with that. I was having DSS for a while, but for some reason setting it in a halo got me over that hump.

Not to say I don't have other bling desires lol! I am obsessing a bit over a CS in a double halo and an eternity band.

 

[momhappy]

Re: How Do You Stop Ogling at Others When You Alr Have Your

*Looking* is one thing - *ogling* is another. I don't have a problem with looking - it's normal and DH and I both do it sometimes. However, I think that if someone is in a committed relationship, ogling is disrespectful.

 

[marymm]

Re: How Do You Stop Ogling at Others When You Alr Have Your

At least that's the analogy I can think of.
(Well, except for the fact that it's acceptable in many cultures to have many diamonds).
This doesn't always happen, often you get what you expect and you are happy.

Let's say you have a list of criteria, narrow it down to 3-5 suitors, exchange a few emails with them and feel/think that 1 of them is "perfect".
You decide to meet with the diamond, who is beautiful and looks just like what the profile says.
But for some reason, it doesn't blow your socks off.
Perhaps it's the anticipation, perhaps it's because those who have helped to set up the date have told you so much glowing things about it.
You look at it every day and grows more and more attached to it.
But after you put it back in the box, you sneak out, open your computer/phone, and swipe left and right at profiles from various other websites.
And you found others, some look smarter, some are more beautiful, more intriguing, cheaper...
And it'll be months or a couple of years before you can date again (read: add yet another diamond in your collection).
You are not sure if you should date another instead - inside you fear if the other one you have been ogling (smarter, more beautiful one) will not be a good match for you after all. Plus you are scared of piling on bad karma.

What do you do?

OP - it is a bit unclear to me - are you talking about ogling other diamonds or ogling other men/women?

 

[momhappy]

Re: How Do You Stop Ogling at Others When You Alr Have Your

I think I'm confused too
After re-reading the original post, I think this thread is about diamonds.

 

[JDDN]

Re: How Do You Stop Ogling at Others When You Alr Have Your

I'm confused too!

I think you are talking about diamonds and using wishing you had a different SO as an analogy??

Is that right D?

Are you wanting a different e-ring and feeling guilty?

I'm sorry if I'm totally off!

 

[missy]

Re: How Do You Stop Ogling at Others When You Alr Have Your

Haha I thought it was a bit confusing too so I answered it as if she was asking about both LOL. All bases covered.

 

[ame]

Re: How Do You Stop Ogling at Others When You Alr Have Your

Well the problem is you look and you find some that makes you want to swap your SO for them (or at least wondering if you should/would have happier life with them)

For me, it comes down to remembering how hard it was to find this SO. This one is a literal needle in a haystack. I'd have to have a custom cut stone to get a replacement of it, or basically custom cut an upgrade to meet my criteria on clarity, and frankly that's a giant pain in the ass I am not ready to endure. I have actually thought about when and if that day comes, how will I proceed. Will I get another of this cut? Will I fall back on the old "boring" H&A perfect cut numbers even though I like these modified stones? Will I just get a totally different modified stone style altogether like a Crisscut cushion or EC or an Ashoka?

I say that like an upgrade is anywhere near likely to occur in the next decade.

 

[D_]

Re: How Do You Stop Ogling at Others When You Alr Have Your

I'm confused too!

I think you are talking about diamonds and using wishing you had a different SO as an analogy??

Is that right D?

Are you wanting a different e-ring and feeling guilty?

I'm sorry if I'm totally off!

Sorry Everyone for getting you confused.
Yes, it's about diamonds.
The SO is just an analogy, considering how emotional the whole process of purchasing a diamond can be, be it for e-ring (well esp for e-ring), RHR, wedding band etc. so though it's just "things" it doesn't feel the same as when I'm buying, say, a TV or dishwasher.

But... if you want to talk about the *actual* SO, I won't stop your imagination

ETA: In short, say you found something you really like (or you think you really like).
Since it's online, you can't see it until you get it (some stuff can't be captured in pictures & videos).
Then you got it.
This time you are somewhat happy about it, but not entirely sure this is IT (no slow motion when you open the box etc.)
So out of "curiosity" you browse other diamonds.
You spotted one or two that somehow looks better (can be bigger, better colour, clarity, or cheaper etc.)
Then you started to wonder whether to swap it or not.
You wonder if you'd like the other diamonds you looked at better.
But you also wonder what if you may not like it better than the one you have purchased?
And you are concerned that it wouldn't be fair to people who have been helping you in getting the first diamond (say, if you end up swapping for a diamond from a different vendor).
I think this is different from the case where you are disappointed with your diamond or not too happy with it (0-70%).
We're talking about where you are in the 70-85% or perhaps even 90% range.
Many people here says about needing to be "completely" happy with it, which I assume to mean 100%.
(Hmm... that ended up being not too short )

 

[Calliecake]

Re: How Do You Stop Ogling at Others When You Alr Have Your

This is why we all need more than one fabulous diamond! I love my current diamond. I would also love to have an Emerald Cut and an OEC.

I find it actually helps not wearing my diamond everyday. It has especially help with diamond shrinkage. It still seems like a good size everytime I put it on my finger.

 

[momhappy]

Re: How Do You Stop Ogling at Others When You Alr Have Your

Since OP clarified, I change my original post in this thread….
Ogling other men/women is not okay, but ogling other diamonds is completely acceptable in my book

 

[JDDN]

Re: How Do You Stop Ogling at Others When You Alr Have Your

I'm confused too!

I think you are talking about diamonds and using wishing you had a different SO as an analogy??

Is that right D?

Are you wanting a different e-ring and feeling guilty?

I'm sorry if I'm totally off!

Sorry Everyone for getting you confused.
Yes, it's about diamonds.
The SO is just an analogy, considering how emotional the whole process of purchasing a diamond can be, be it for e-ring (well esp for e-ring), RHR, wedding band etc. so though it's just "things" it doesn't feel the same as when I'm buying, say, a TV or dishwasher.

But... if you want to talk about the *actual* SO, I won't stop your imagination

ETA: In short, say you found something you really like (or you think you really like).
Since it's online, you can't see it until you get it (some stuff can't be captured in pictures & videos).
Then you got it.
This time you are somewhat happy about it, but not entirely sure this is IT (no slow motion when you open the box etc.)
So out of "curiosity" you browse other diamonds.
You spotted one or two that somehow looks better (can be bigger, better colour, clarity, or cheaper etc.)
Then you started to wonder whether to swap it or not.
You wonder if you'd like the other diamonds you looked at better.
But you also wonder what if you may not like it better than the one you have purchased?
And you are concerned that it wouldn't be fair to people who have been helping you in getting the first diamond (say, if you end up swapping for a diamond from a different vendor).
I think this is different from the case where you are disappointed with your diamond or not too happy with it (0-70%).
We're talking about where you are in the 70-85% or perhaps even 90% range.
Many people here says about needing to be "completely" happy with it, which I assume to mean 100%.
(Hmm... that ended up being not too short )

I can totally relate. I had purchased a diamond and of course I didn't know whether or not I would love it until I got to see it in person. When it arrived, I thought it was pretty, but I didn't fall off my chair or anything. It had great numbers, it was large 2.5 carats!, and the other C's were great. But there was something about it that didn't knock my socks off even though it had beauty. I decided that because it was a lot of money I would return it and hold out for a diamond that made me swoon. I don't mind waiting a long time too. I can be notoriously indecisive at times and I feel I should just take my time with finding the right diamond.

Regarding being fair to the people who have been helping, I do feel a bit guilty for taking their time, but I'm always very kind, respectful and grateful. I don't think they expect 100% of their customers to buy something. Plus, it would be silly to spend thousands of dollars on something because you didn't want to disappoint the vendor or sales person. As long as you're not taking advantage of them, I think it's fine to return an item.

If you don't mind me asking, what kind of stone are you looking for? Is it for a ring? Just curious.

 

[D_]

Re: How Do You Stop Ogling at Others When You Alr Have Your

Just an RB for a ring.

I thought it was pretty, but I didn't fall off my chair or anything. It had great numbers

That's right. Maybe I've been watching too many rom coms and start treating words like "breathtaking" too literally

 

[JDDN]

Re: How Do You Stop Ogling at Others When You Alr Have Your

Just an RB for a ring.

I thought it was pretty, but I didn't fall off my chair or anything. It had great numbers

That's right. Maybe I've been watching too many rom coms and start treating words like "breathtaking" too literally

Lol!!

You know what's weird....I've had several round brilliants and the first two I thought I didn't like. When I look back on photos of them they make me "breathless!" Especially the first one. I'm kicking myself for not keeping it. Sigh.....sometimes I think the quest for the "perfect" diamond has made me blind.

Well keep us up-dated on what you find.