Do your friends and family badmouth your dog?

[ihy138]

People make fun of my little guy because he has a snaggletooth. I don't think they mean anything by it, but I do feel bad for him. He can't defend himself! I think he's the cutest guy in the world. If people act rudely in my house, they are not likely to receive an invite back!

ihy he is really really cute - the snaggletooth makes him even MORE cute!

Thanks so much! I agree - but I'm biased!

 

[nala]

Thank you so much for all your responses! I have been putting up with this rude behavior because I didn't know any better. But I am going to make it stop.I don't think any of my friends and family are aware of how rude they are every time they make those remarks because I have never been rude back. I have always responded by defending my dog, but never outright insulted them---though believe me, there are plenty of insults I could have hurled at them, too!

ihy138--He is so adorable!!!!

 

[Arcadian]

I usually get told how unfriendly my dog can be. She's very friendly, but she picks and chooses who she wants to be friends with.

Seriously someone asked if something was wrong with our dog because she very rarely barks, and honestly unless its mommy or daddy (and sometimes not even then) its RARE for her to care who's at the door. Our mailman didn't even know we had a dog for the longest time! If she doesn't want you to touch her, she will move FAR AWAY FROM YOU. He tells people she's shy (she's not) I tell people the truth, that she's in bitch mode and doesn't want you to touch her. If she likes you, watch out, she sticks like glue...lol.

She's a beautiful girl, thats one thing everyone agrees on and she KNOWS she's a beauty! I don't allow trash talking of my dog, nor will I allow for someone to exclude her in her home. I don't shut her away from people, she comes and goes as she pleases. People know that about me so, if they can't hang, don't come over.

Basically, your house, your rules, and that means they shouldn't be talking dirt on the dog. That to me is rude and disrespectful.

 

[blackprophet]

I'd like to add a different perspective in support of what's been said here.

I hate cats and dogs. Cannot stand them. I get why people love them, but I would never have one, and generally avoid them if I can.

However, I would NEVER insult someone's dog or cat. And certainly not in their house. And a dog or cat would never stop me from going to their house. That is just ridiculous to me. Family or not, that is their pet not yours. Keep your thoughts to yourself. That's just not being a gracious guest.

 

[azstonie]

I had such a strong reaction to this thread and some of the postings for a reason:

Abusers, before they abuse, check to see if there would be any consequences before they do it. It happens in the form of comments, small actions, the like, and they watch to see what the responsible person (an owner, if a pet; or a parent, if a child is involved) does before they take it any further. Abusers don't like consequences and avoid them.

My parents, abusive people. When I was a child in elementary school and unable to defend myself, they would come to the first of day of school and meet the teacher, telling them that they could do anything they felt the needed to do to me. Same thing with babysitters and after-school childcare providers. Some teachers saw the ugliness of this and were very kind to me throughout the school year. But the sadistic teachers got a gleam in their eye on hearing this and a year of torture then ensued for me. When my grandmother was in assisted living suffering from Alzheimer's, my mom did the same damn thing with the staff there. I called her out for it immediately at the nurse's station when I heard her comment on what a pain in the ass my gramma was in her cognitive decline. I told her she was making my sweet defenseless gramma a target for every psycho and abuser on the staff there. When my DH and I got a dog (my darling avatar, Finn the Westie), my mom proceeded to tell me that she was going to train my dog not to jump up on people when greeting them, and she would do this by ramming her knee into my small dog's chest, very hard. We told her not to come to our house again/hurt our dog like this.

So people who make abusive comments and do probing actions to see what your reaction will be, whether its for your pet, your child, your spouse, etc., take them seriously. Verbal abuse is a query to see if you would allow or tolerate escalating abuse.

 

[telephone89]

azstonie, I'm very sorry to hear about your past. I don't think anyone (including OPs complainers) were suggesting physical abuse upon an animal. You can dislike yappy dogs and still not want to hurt them.

 

[azstonie]

I just wanted to point out that some people make denigrating comments to test the water, advising care taken when hearing the comments. I gave an example to illustrate. I always am careful with animals and children because they are largely defenseless.

 

[CJ2008]

I just wanted to point out that some people make denigrating comments to test the water, advising care taken when hearing the comments. I gave an example to illustrate. I always am careful with animals and children because they are largely defenseless.

You're a kind soul Kristie.

I never made this connection except for very obvious instances where somebody might give me the creeps - but I see your point. Someone that says your cat or dog is annoying might take it out on them - even with something "harmless" like a hard pinch or slap on the nose or whatever (and I say harmless only because it may not cause any real long term injury but not OK by any stretch of the imagination) - when nobody's looking.

 

[azstonie]

Thank you for your kind attention to what I wrote, CJ. Disclosure is healing because it takes away secrecy and when the secrecy ends so does control and the burden of carrying that is lightened or lifted. I've talked about my struggle with my family of origin here and that has been of great benefit to me and I'm grateful.

There are people who have not had personal experience with the cruelty by people who do terrible things because they can get away with it, using children, pets/animals, very poor people to expend rage on. So sometimes I speak up in those threads to just alert that it could be something more than bad choice of words.

 

[CJ2008]

Thank you for your kind attention to what I wrote, CJ. Disclosure is healing because it takes away secrecy and when the secrecy ends so does control and the burden of carrying that is lightened or lifted. I've talked about my struggle with my family of origin here and that has been of great benefit to me and I'm grateful.

There are people who have not had personal experience with the cruelty by people who do terrible things because they can get away with it, using children, pets/animals, very poor people to expend rage on. So sometimes I speak up in those threads to just alert that it could be something more than bad choice of words.

Kristie I don't remember reading about your struggles except for in this thread but I won't forget now. I'm sorry for everything you've been through.

And I love that you take every opportunity possible to make people more aware that something that seems subtle or that can be taken as a joke or just a comment can actually be a warning sign. You never know how that slightly higher level of awareness might keep a child or a pet from being hurt.

I saw the documentary "Deliver Us From Evil" recently, and yeah, these things happen right under families' noses.

 

[House Cat]

I just wanted to point out that some people make denigrating comments to test the water, advising care taken when hearing the comments. I gave an example to illustrate. I always am careful with animals and children because they are largely defenseless.

To add, if my dog doesn't like someone, I take note. My dog likes everyone, except for evil, black hearted people. Well, that's how I interpret her actions. If she is growling with her hackles up, that person must have made a pact with the devil himself. My girl doesn't have a mean bone in her body, but she's smart and intuitive. I trust her instincts!

The saying goes: "I am suspicious of people who don't like dogs, but I trust a dog when it doesn't like a person!"

azstonie, I am sorry that your parents didn't protect you and that they enlisted others to carry out their campaign of abuse upon you. I admire the fact that you came through with sensitivity, strength, and grace! Big hugs to you!

 

[azstonie]

Thank you! The friendship and support at PS is amazing and there is a lot of incredibly valuable life experience around here

And you cannot go wrong with the judgement of our furry family members, good thought, Housie!

 

[Lisa Loves Shiny]

Honestly my friends do not badmouth my dogs more than once. Imagine you say something about our dogs that you think is innocent. Suddenly, all around you the world comes to a screeching halt with all eyes fixed on you. Time stretches forever as you realize that you have done the unthinkable. No one says a word and there is nowhere to hide. The ball is now in your court in which you stammer such things as "I was kidding, they are so cute!" When those words are uttered you are brought back into the fold, with the memory of what not to do firmly embedded into your very core. Friends come and go. The dogs stay.

 

[Calliecake]

Honestly my friends do not badmouth my dogs more than once. Imagine you say something about our dogs that you think is innocent. Suddenly, all around you the world comes to a screeching halt with all eyes fixed on you. Time stretches forever as you realize that you have done the unthinkable. No one says a word and there is nowhere to hide. The ball is now in your court in which you stammer such things as "I was kidding, they are so cute!" When those words are uttered you are brought back into the fold, with the memory of what not to do firmly embedded into your very core. Friends come and go. The dogs stay.

Lisa, This post had me LOL!!!

 

[CJ2008]

Honestly my friends do not badmouth my dogs more than once. Imagine you say something about our dogs that you think is innocent. Suddenly, all around you the world comes to a screeching halt with all eyes fixed on you. Time stretches forever as you realize that you have done the unthinkable. No one says a word and there is nowhere to hide. The ball is now in your court in which you stammer such things as "I was kidding, they are so cute!" When those words are uttered you are brought back into the fold, with the memory of what not to do firmly embedded into your very core. Friends come and go. The dogs stay.

Lisa this is so intense and awesome.

I love it.

 

[lyra]

Honestly my friends do not badmouth my dogs more than once. Imagine you say something about our dogs that you think is innocent. Suddenly, all around you the world comes to a screeching halt with all eyes fixed on you. Time stretches forever as you realize that you have done the unthinkable. No one says a word and there is nowhere to hide. The ball is now in your court in which you stammer such things as "I was kidding, they are so cute!" When those words are uttered you are brought back into the fold, with the memory of what not to do firmly embedded into your very core. Friends come and go. The dogs stay.

LOL, exactly! I don't like people who don't like my dogs immediately.

 

[House Cat]

Honestly my friends do not badmouth my dogs more than once. Imagine you say something about our dogs that you think is innocent. Suddenly, all around you the world comes to a screeching halt with all eyes fixed on you. Time stretches forever as you realize that you have done the unthinkable. No one says a word and there is nowhere to hide. The ball is now in your court in which you stammer such things as "I was kidding, they are so cute!" When those words are uttered you are brought back into the fold, with the memory of what not to do firmly embedded into your very core. Friends come and go. The dogs stay.

Fantastic! And so true!!!

 

[azstonie]

Honestly my friends do not badmouth my dogs more than once. Imagine you say something about our dogs that you think is innocent. Suddenly, all around you the world comes to a screeching halt with all eyes fixed on you. Time stretches forever as you realize that you have done the unthinkable. No one says a word and there is nowhere to hide. The ball is now in your court in which you stammer such things as "I was kidding, they are so cute!" When those words are uttered you are brought back into the fold, with the memory of what not to do firmly embedded into your very core. Friends come and go. The dogs stay.

THIS! 1000 times this!

 

[Victoria10]

My husband and I have always had a dog. People are just mean, sometimes. Sometimes they do it without thinking, sometimes to be snobby, or sometimes just because. I am sorry they are behaving that way.

ihy138 your dog is precious!

 

[packrat]

I'd make them leave. I remember after JD first agreed to let the stray cat in at his farm place-the cat we'd have together for several years. He had people over for Thanksgiving-some were relatives to friends of his that I'd never met. The woman saw Bella and gagged and said "That is the UGLIEST effing cat I've ever seen. Christ, shoot that thing, you better put it somewhere when we eat or I'll barf". I was almost in tears. JD stared at her and said "You know what, that cat lives here and you don't, you were invited into MY house and this is MY girlfriends cat and she loves her like none other. YOU don't hold that same position in my house, so if I were you, I'd shut my pie hole and act like a civilized human being, or you can leave".

ETA there's such a thing as common courtesy and I'll be damned if we haven't completely turned into a nation of I'll do what I want and say what I want. Ridiculous.

 

[Madam Bijoux]

Wise old saying: "Love me, love my dog".

 

[kgizo]

Interesting thread and lots of good input. I enjoyed the barking comments bc if I get a dog and it doesn't bark at the doorbell I immediately think it's deaf or somethings wrong. It's just their instinct to bark at doorbells.

I see both sides of this argument. My dogs are all special needs so I get lots and lots of comments. I respond with "I love her". There is no acknowledgement of their nasty comment. On the flip side, my MiL has a very badly behaved dog. I don't think people would say anything out right, but she goes on and on about how fabulous the dog is and how well trained. She opens the door and people respond with a dose of reality she doesn't want to hear.

I do encourage everyone, no matter how well behaved your dog is, to be especially careful around children and keep your dog on a leash. I know too many kids who are scared of dogs because the owner says "oh, he's harmless".

 

[TaylaBrewer]

No, just the cat

 

[Sky56]

packrat, did she shut up and stay or did she leave?

Seriously, anybody who is rude enough to say mean things about anything I own, say or do - they get red-flagged in my mind and at some point get kicked out of my life.

 

[packrat]

Sky, she actually did shut up and not another word was said!

 

[Sky56]