shape
carat
color
clarity

Is it common now to have a baby shower with every child?

amc80

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 18, 2010
Messages
5,765
msop04|1435869135|3898090 said:
amc80 said:
House Cat|1435859092|3897966 said:
But none of you are embarrassed to express these thoughts? Does feeling this way bring you happiness or joy? What is the big deal? Go support your friends! Go have a good time! Stop being so darned judgemental!

Are you seriously telling me that you are giving people the side eye when you are attending their showers...these "most happy moments of their entire lives" parties? And you don't see how embarrassed you should be for behaving this way?

You ladies are so blessed! Spread the love!

Yeah, I am probably going to catch hell from the "biotches" for this. I generally consider you all to be incredibly kind and beautiful..is it an act?

I love celebrating big events. I mean, who doesn't? I don't love been expected to outfit that new life event.

Having a baby or getting married for the first time? Yay! Here's $XX to buy the stroller you want.

Having your 2nd kid in 3 years? You should really have everything you need...but here's something small and cute because YAY baby stuff. But, no, I'm not buying you a new stroller because you chose a bright pink one for your daughter and are now having a boy.

DH and I are closing on our house today (actually, it should be recorded in 2 minutes, ha). Should we throw a house warming party and register for presents? I mean, we are both in our mid-30s and have lived on our own for 12+ years. But it's our first house together and I WANT NEW STUFF. :lol: :lol:

Girl, run to Pottery Barn and register -- call it a "fresh start" and send out invitations!! I can think of several ppl on this thread alone that'll hook you up!! [emoji12][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

I should! That's especially convenient seeing how most of the furniture we want is from there...
 

msop04

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Dec 3, 2011
Messages
10,051
amc80 said:
msop04|1435869135|3898090 said:
amc80 said:
House Cat|1435859092|3897966 said:
But none of you are embarrassed to express these thoughts? Does feeling this way bring you happiness or joy? What is the big deal? Go support your friends! Go have a good time! Stop being so darned judgemental!

Are you seriously telling me that you are giving people the side eye when you are attending their showers...these "most happy moments of their entire lives" parties? And you don't see how embarrassed you should be for behaving this way?

You ladies are so blessed! Spread the love!

Yeah, I am probably going to catch hell from the "biotches" for this. I generally consider you all to be incredibly kind and beautiful..is it an act?

I love celebrating big events. I mean, who doesn't? I don't love been expected to outfit that new life event.

Having a baby or getting married for the first time? Yay! Here's $XX to buy the stroller you want.

Having your 2nd kid in 3 years? You should really have everything you need...but here's something small and cute because YAY baby stuff. But, no, I'm not buying you a new stroller because you chose a bright pink one for your daughter and are now having a boy.

DH and I are closing on our house today (actually, it should be recorded in 2 minutes, ha). Should we throw a house warming party and register for presents? I mean, we are both in our mid-30s and have lived on our own for 12+ years. But it's our first house together and I WANT NEW STUFF. :lol: :lol:

Girl, run to Pottery Barn and register -- call it a "fresh start" and send out invitations!! I can think of several ppl on this thread alone that'll hook you up!! [emoji12][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

I should! That's especially convenient seeing how most of the furniture we want is from there...

BAM!! [emoji136]
 

packrat

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 12, 2008
Messages
10,614
PintoBean|1435867318|3898069 said:
You know what... I'm 36 and with each passing day, it's less and less likely that I will have a child. So gosh darn it, the next furbaby I adopt, I am SOooooo having a fur baby shower!

when we got a puppy a few years ago, Gemgirl sent a box of goodies for her and I thought that was the *sweetest* gesture ever.


ETA **DINING* room not DINGING room gah!
 

Jambalaya

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Oct 2, 2014
Messages
4,784
Msop, you posted that by the third baby you're assuming a friend has all the onesies they'll ever need. But....babies wet and poop and throw up on onesies all the time, despite the best efforts of the diapers! Not to mention all the food and spit-up. I think babies need new onesies!
 

Jambalaya

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Oct 2, 2014
Messages
4,784
I think it's tacky to call others tacky! Wait, I just said some people were tacky, so I'm tacky too! :loopy:

I just feel it's a judgmental and kind of mean word. Are the tacky-callers real posh all the time themselves?? Maybe a tacky-caller has some behaviors that the tackee might deem tacky!

Regarding second, third weddings. Yes, there are some serial marriers who don't take the institution seriously. But what about a woman whose first marriage ended because she was abused, and her second husband died? I know someone like this. What about a third wedding and shower for her?
 

Jambalaya

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Oct 2, 2014
Messages
4,784
I'm with HouseCat, I don't mind the shower thing at all.

Full disclosure: I have no kids but am a huge champion of parents and all the work they do, especially moms because they do most, and they put their lives at risk to have the kids in the first place.

About the SATC thing with the shoes, and spending money on other people's kids, and not getting a single life or a life with no kids funded, it's because of this: When people have kids, society recognizes that this benefits everyone as a whole. Even if a couple has kids for the most selfish of reasons, only to have a mini-me and to take care of them in their old age, their parenting efforts and their money spent creates workers, generates taxes, and the creation of families contributes toward a stable society. Bringing up the next generation is one of the hardest, most responsible, and hair-raising tasks there is. If a couple marries but doesn't have kids, that also helps society stabilize. Couples tend to have more disposable income, which means more money going back into the economy. Also, couples exercise checks and balances on each other's behaviors (for example, a wife I know got her new husband into treatment for mental illness, which he was unable to accomplish by himself), and the more that people feel settled, loved, and safe, the lower the crime rate and the better the health of a community.

Having a kitchen remodeled or buying new shoes doesn't quite compare! :lol: That's why you don't get money for it!

So the wedding and baby gifts are an acknowledgement that a couple is embarking on things that are known to be challenging, difficult, yet beneficial to the tribe - i.e. forming marriages and raising children. Much of our behavior has primal roots. We need the tribe to survive, so we help ensure its survival by giving practical gifts.

I've often thought, thank God for people having kids. Imagine if everyone stopped. Within two generations, it would be last one left turn the lights out.

I do think that people who get married and/or have kids are living a generally less selfish life than the life I live. I respect them for their sacrifices, for all the times they grit their teeth and remember their marriage vows or for all the nights they get up to tend a sick child, which is why I don't mind buying them gifts to smooth them on their way.
 

Calliecake

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 7, 2014
Messages
9,229
PintoBean|1435867318|3898069 said:
You know what... I'm 36 and with each passing day, it's less and less likely that I will have a child. So gosh darn it, the next furbaby I adopt, I am SOooooo having a fur baby shower!


I want one of these too! Pinto Bean, Can I please come to your furbaby shower? I promise to bring really cute gifts for your little one.
 

msop04

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Dec 3, 2011
Messages
10,051
I still think some are still confusing a "celebration" and buying things for the couple/new baby on your own with the person asking for (registry) and expecting gifts (showers).

Buy gifts!! Buy until you can't buy anymore -- I do that all the time. I'll retire the word "tacky" and say it's in bad taste to do so with consecutive children and/or marriages unless there are extenuating circumstances in which you really don't have the necessities to embark on whatever chapter is upcoming in your life.

If it's another marriage bc you were abused or cheated on, that's super sad. [emoji17] ...but do celebrate the person's new found love and happiness -- Absolutely!! But unless they lost all their dishes, drapes, and towels for whatever reason, they shouldn't be asking for all new stuff just bc they've got a new spouse.

Same with babies. Onesies are cheap and they'll obviously need diapers and such -- buy away!! However, like was mentioned earlier, just because they registered for a pink crib and stroller system does not mean they should expect someone to buy them another in a more boyish color now that they're expecting a son. And it would be selfish and in bad taste for those moms to ask for that type of thing... again... but in a different color. [emoji52]

We're having a girl (first girl out of 10 grandchildren!!)... I sooooo wanted the fuschia travel system and all the cutesy stuff that screams "GIRL!" But I knew that we may have another and it might be a boy, so I registered for lots of more neutral stuff. I would never dream of having showers for a second child bc we'll have all the stuff from our first to use (all the big, expensive stuff, anyway...). Would ppl buy us stuff if we had another child? Idk, probably. That's just what my circle does. [emoji4] But we don't register again and do showers -- and TBH, I think the adult parties are WAY more fun for everyone!! [emoji39][emoji322][emoji8]
 

katharath

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 5, 2013
Messages
2,850
Here's my personal experience: the women I know who have had multiple showers are by far the most selfish, self absorbed, "me me me" types I've ever known.

I'm specifically thinking of two female family members - one by blood, one by marriage - and they each have two children. ALL of the kids are boys (two each - which is what I have also). One set of boys is 3 years apart, and the other set is two. Between these two women, they had 8 - EIGHT showers - that I know of. One of these women actually demanded that I throw her a baby shower. When she found out she was pregnant, she told me early on (she was 4 weeks pg or so) that she expected me to throw her a shower, and that she also expected to get any baby items I no longer needed for my own kids. It was the tackiest thing I've ever heard, quite honestly.

I could literally go on and on and on, presenting "evidence" as to why I think these women are tacky and rude, but honestly I don't have the time, lol. I completely agree that celebrating babies is lovely!! I have two kids myself. But there's a big big difference in celebrating a baby vs a full on gift grab. My experiences with these women in my life have given me firm feelings on the subject.
 

Jambalaya

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Oct 2, 2014
Messages
4,784
I guess I don't believe that friends are being gift-grabby when they have showers or wedding parties, whether first or second or even third under some circs. Maybe a couple is having a third child who's their first girl, and thought a pink-themed shower would be fun. Who doesn't love to buy sweet babygirl stuff? I'd assume it's about the pink fun and happiness, not a cynical gift grab. I mean, I tend to pick my friends carefully and I know they're good people, so....I don't participate in a whole social circle as such, where there might be peripheral members that I'm not crazy about. I'm only friends with people I really, really like, and who have passed my high moral standards! :saint: :lol:

Also, in a third marriage scenario like I said where there's abuse and bereavement, the person may not need anything as such but given that they had gone through such hard times, I'd be happy to buy them some shiny new stuff, since I would assume they weren't being gift-grabby. I mean, are there really a lot of cynical people out there who just invite people to showers as a gift grab, not because they love or are fond of or respect the attendees? Maybe I'm just naive.
 

Jambalaya

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Oct 2, 2014
Messages
4,784
Katharath - we were posting at almost the same time, so I didn't read your post before I made mine. Just want to say that I found your experiences interesting. Maybe I am naive!
 

katharath

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 5, 2013
Messages
2,850
And just to add - I have two boys three years apart - I had one shower. I declined another, but had some friends who gave me small gifts (I.e, onesies etc) for my second son. I thought that was very nice, and that's what I do when friends have additional kids. When I wanted a few larger items for my second son, DH and I bought them ourselves.

I do fully support multiple showers for children born many years apart, etc. It's just the gift grab thing I hate, not welcoming a new baby. I've happily thrown several showers for close friends/family.
 

katharath

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 5, 2013
Messages
2,850
Jambalaya|1435890054|3898242 said:
Katharath - we were posting at almost the same time, so I didn't read your post before I made mine. Just want to say that I found your experiences interesting. Maybe I am naive!

Jambalaya I just wanted to say that I loved your earlier post regarding the value of children and marriages for society :)

But I have to say that I really do know people who are selfish about showers, lol!!
 

packrat

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 12, 2008
Messages
10,614
haha yeah, there are people like that. I've gotten invitations where I've had to ask around to figure out who the person was and how I knew them. Relatives I've never met too. Which..I guess I understand in a way, I mean, we're related and all but..you're however old and we've *never* met, and I should bring you a gift for having a baby or getting married? I had a gawd awful time when we were doing a guest list for our wedding, and JD did too.
 

Gypsy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 8, 2005
Messages
40,225
House Cat|1435859092|3897966 said:
But none of you are embarrassed to express these thoughts? Does feeling this way bring you happiness or joy? What is the big deal? Go support your friends! Go have a good time! Stop being so darned judgemental!

Are you seriously telling me that you are giving people the side eye when you are attending their showers...these "most happy moments of their entire lives" parties? And you don't see how embarrassed you should be for behaving this way?

You ladies are so blessed! Spread the love!

Yeah, I am probably going to catch hell from the "biotches" for this. I generally consider you all to be incredibly kind and beautiful..is it an act?

So agree. No catching hell from me.
 

Gypsy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 8, 2005
Messages
40,225
packrat|1435863977|3898023 said:
I've gotten a couple invitations to things where it says like "You're Invited! It's not a shower!" and it makes me laugh. It says "We're (getting married/having a baby/moving to a new house/doing something big) and want you to celebrate with us! The only thing we don't have that we would love for you to bring is you". It totally threw my mom off when she got one "What does that mean? It's a "it's not a shower? What's a "it's not a shower"?" It sounds like a who's on first thing.


Here's my point. I love the above. And it is what *I* would do. Second child OR second wedding.

But I don't feel it is my place to tell OTHERS how they should celebrate their events. And so I don't judge.

Also most of the time (if people are following proper etiquette) the person is not throwing the shower for themselves. So again, I try not to judge.

And if I feel something is inappropriate, I will send a card congratulating them and decline the invitation.
 

Gypsy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 8, 2005
Messages
40,225
Jambalaya|1435889806|3898238 said:
Also, in a third marriage scenario like I said where there's abuse and bereavement, the person may not need anything as such but given that they had gone through such hard times, I'd be happy to buy them some shiny new stuff, since I would assume they weren't being gift-grabby. I mean, are there really a lot of cynical people out there who just invite people to showers as a gift grab, not because they love or are fond of or respect the attendees? Maybe I'm just naive.

I think I am too. As for your friend's situation for the third marriage.

She isn't the one demanding the shower. You are throwing one for her. So I think it's fine. As long as the people you invite are all really close to her.

I think 'gift grab' showers are often ones where a bunch of near strangers are invited.
 

blackprophet

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Mar 13, 2013
Messages
531
amc80|1435852902|3897910 said:
blackprophet|1435852575|3897906 said:
amc80|1435851939|3897900 said:
I think it's tacky. The point of a bridal shower is to set up the household, which has probably already been done. By all means, celebrate, but no registry, no shower.

In my FB debate I was having on 2nd, 3rd, and 4th baby showers, I brought up weddings as an analogy. If someone gets married and does the whole shower/big wedding thing, then gets divorced and marries someone two years later, it would be flat out rude for that person to do all of that stuff over again. My naysayers, of course, were all "no, it's a new marriage and deserves to be celebrated!!" Ugh.

msop04- I wish we could connect off of PS. I like what you say and I think we'd get along! I sure wish PS would open up private messages.

I guess it comes down to whether you see a baby/wedding shower primarily as a celebration of the new baby/bride, or a gift getting event.

Do you (and others) still object to it, if the gift giving aspect of it is removed?

Not at all! The more reasons to celebrate and get together, the better! It's called a shower because the honoree is "showered" with gifts. Don't want gifts? Then call it something else. Call it a party, gathering, get together, celebration, meet and greet. Just not a shower. A shower without gifts isn't a shower.

Maybe its because I was just reading the other thread. And I'll probably get skewered for this particular analogy but...

But there are those out there who say if its not a man and a woman don't call it a marriage.

I feel like "Shower" no longer holds that particular definition, and that it really is just a celebration of a new moment in a person's life.

I agree with everyone's sentiment that gift grabs are not cool ever. Especially in this day and age when people are having kids and getting married when they are established at more advanced ages. I too had an acquaintance who had a "monetary shower" (yes they put that on the invite), a stag and doe ($100+ tickets), a destination bachelorette AND wedding (wedding in Portugal no doubt), and a wedding at home as well. And this couple drives a BMW and is buy a house in one of the richest parts of my area. That is ridiculous and disgusting.

But I disagree that because its called a shower, its tacky. In my mind a party to celebrate a new baby (whether or not you want gifts, whether or not its the first, second, or third child, whether its in a hall or a home) is a baby shower.
 

msop04

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Dec 3, 2011
Messages
10,051
blackprophet said:
amc80|1435852902|3897910 said:
blackprophet|1435852575|3897906 said:
amc80|1435851939|3897900 said:
I think it's tacky. The point of a bridal shower is to set up the household, which has probably already been done. By all means, celebrate, but no registry, no shower.

In my FB debate I was having on 2nd, 3rd, and 4th baby showers, I brought up weddings as an analogy. If someone gets married and does the whole shower/big wedding thing, then gets divorced and marries someone two years later, it would be flat out rude for that person to do all of that stuff over again. My naysayers, of course, were all "no, it's a new marriage and deserves to be celebrated!!" Ugh.

msop04- I wish we could connect off of PS. I like what you say and I think we'd get along! I sure wish PS would open up private messages.

I guess it comes down to whether you see a baby/wedding shower primarily as a celebration of the new baby/bride, or a gift getting event.

Do you (and others) still object to it, if the gift giving aspect of it is removed?

Not at all! The more reasons to celebrate and get together, the better! It's called a shower because the honoree is "showered" with gifts. Don't want gifts? Then call it something else. Call it a party, gathering, get together, celebration, meet and greet. Just not a shower. A shower without gifts isn't a shower.

Maybe its because I was just reading the other thread. And I'll probably get skewered for this particular analogy but...

But there are those out there who say if its not a man and a woman don't call it a marriage.

I feel like "Shower" no longer holds that particular definition, and that it really is just a celebration of a new moment in a person's life.

I agree with everyone's sentiment that gift grabs are not cool ever. Especially in this day and age when people are having kids and getting married when they are established at more advanced ages. I too had an acquaintance who had a "monetary shower" (yes they put that on the invite), a stag and doe ($100+ tickets), a destination bachelorette AND wedding (wedding in Portugal no doubt), and a wedding at home as well. And this couple drives a BMW and is buy a house in one of the richest parts of my area. That is ridiculous and disgusting.

But I disagree that because its called a shower, its tacky. In my mind a party to celebrate a new baby (whether or not you want gifts, whether or not its the first, second, or third child, whether its in a hall or a home) is a baby shower.

I suppose if you're changing the entire definition of shower... sure. [emoji15]
 
Be a part of the community Get 3 HCA Results
Top