Is it common now to have a baby shower with every child?

[msop04]

Lots of things that people do make me annoyed, but I guess having a shower for each baby isn't one of them!

Just wait until every girlfriend you've ever had is on baby number 2 or 3....

Thank you Liaerfby! I also think part of my mood is coming from the fact that I spent over $900 on shower gifts the month of May and close to that during the month of June. It really adds up quickly!

I feel you, Calliecake. I was the last of my group to get married and have the "first baby," so I can tell you I've spent a pretty penny on bridesmaids getaways, wedding parties, and countless baby showers (oh yes, a few had 2nd baby showers). Although I wouldn't change a thing and have always supported my friends, the baby thing is getting out of control these days... We always send gifts and well wishes and sip-and-sees, but for the love of GOD -- please do not have the nerve to have a 2nd or 3rd shower!! UGH!!

 

[msop04]

My friend had two. We called the second a "sprinkle" and basically bought her all of the essentials (diapers, bibs, newborn onesies).

"Sprinkles" are fair... as long as it's just the basics. If others want to go beyond that, then it needs to be done privately (not at the shower).

 

[liaerfbv]

Whenever I get a 2nd baby shower invite, I'm always reminded of the Sex and the City episode where Carrie goes to visit a friend with children and is asked to take off her Manolos, which are then stolen. The friend doesn't want to reimburse Carrie for the shoes, and Carrie calculates all the money she has spent on gifts for this friend over the years - gifts for showers, children's presents, wedding gifts, etc. and it's a lot of money (can't remember the amount off the top of my head) -- and it's never reciprocated to her because she is single and without children. I love my friends, but it does annoy me that I have spent thousands of dollars over the years on their children. It makes me feel petty to admit, but there it is. No one ever wants to contribute to my life financially because I chose to be childfree after years of IF. Why can't I have to shower to fund my kitchen remodel?

 

[CJ2008]

Whenever I get a 2nd baby shower invite, I'm always reminded of the Sex and the City episode where Carrie goes to visit a friend with children and is asked to take off her Manolos, which are then stolen. The friend doesn't want to reimburse Carrie for the shoes, and Carrie calculates all the money she has spent on gifts for this friend over the years - gifts for showers, children's presents, wedding gifts, etc. and it's a lot of money (can't remember the amount off the top of my head) -- and it's never reciprocated to her because she is single and without children. I love my friends, but it does annoy me that I have spent thousands of dollars over the years on their children. It makes me feel petty to admit, but there it is. No one ever wants to contribute to my life financially because I chose to be childfree after years of IF. Why can't I have to shower to fund my kitchen remodel?

This is so so true...

 

[msop04]

Whenever I get a 2nd baby shower invite, I'm always reminded of the Sex and the City episode where Carrie goes to visit a friend with children and is asked to take off her Manolos, which are then stolen. The friend doesn't want to reimburse Carrie for the shoes, and Carrie calculates all the money she has spent on gifts for this friend over the years - gifts for showers, children's presents, wedding gifts, etc. and it's a lot of money (can't remember the amount off the top of my head) -- and it's never reciprocated to her because she is single and without children. I love my friends, but it does annoy me that I have spent thousands of dollars over the years on their children. It makes me feel petty to admit, but there it is. No one ever wants to contribute to my life financially because I chose to be childfree after years of IF. Why can't I have to shower to fund my kitchen remodel?

YASSSSS!!!!!!

 

[amc80]

I'm a member of a local mom group on FB. Tonight, three people have posted asking if it's tacky to have a repeat baby shower (in one case it's a 4th baby...in another it's a second baby, same gender as the first, 16 months apart. I'm getting chewed out for saying it is tacky.

 

[katharath]

I'm a member of a local mom group on FB. Tonight, three people have posted asking if it's tacky to have a repeat baby shower (in one case it's a 4th baby...in another it's a second baby, same gender as the first, 16 months apart. I'm getting chewed out for saying it is tacky.

Send them a link to this thread then, so they know it's not just you, lol.

 

[Gypsy]

I just want to comment on the child free thing.

My friends have kids. And I LOVE buying stuff for their kiddos. Really. I'm excited when they tell me they are expecting, and as soon as the 'dangerous' first few months have passed, I start buying things. Little things. A onesie here, a stuffed animal there. Or a book. Because it is fun for me.

Honestly, it doesn't even register on my radar to be resentful about what I've CHOSEN to spend on my friends kids. And make no mistake it is MY CHOICE. I don't know who you guys are friends with by at least with my friends it is not a requirement for me to spend money on the kiddos. And honestly, I don't feel like I have to compete with other friends or have to spend a certain amount. I spend what I feel comfortable. And if that money is NONE, that's okay too.

For me, at least, child free doesn't mean I don't love kids or that I don't enjoy them. I'm not some kind of kid scrooge like those nasty Sex in the City women. It's a lifestyle choice not to have kids of my own, sure. But that doesn't mean that resent my friends for having kids, or for my decision to indulge those kids with gifts.

I think of the opportunity to buy my friends' kids gifts a PERK of having friends. Not a liability.

 

[liaerfbv]

All I can say is my decision to be child free was made after 5 years of unsuccessful infertility treatments, so I will always harbor a certain amount of resentment and jealousy for the people in my life having babies. I'm human. I accept I could have children by a host of other means, and it's my choice to be child free. I've learned to live with it and focus on the other good things in my life.

It also means that I have very little patience for the "baby machine" social expectations of having friends and wives of DH's friends. If you want to have 3 showers and a gender reveal party, I choose to go to one and buy you a gift to celebrate. It also means I'll think you are being inconsiderate and greedy and focusing on the "stuff" you get vs the joy of having a child.

I also want to say though I do like children, I think it's absolutely fine to not enjoy them. Women in society are shamed and made to feel unnatural if they do not like and want children, and if someone does think it's a burden to buy baby gifts for her friends, I'm fine with that and wouldn't judge either the person or her friendship with the mother.

 

[CJ2008]

I just want to comment on the child free thing.

My friends have kids. And I LOVE buying stuff for their kiddos. Really. I'm excited when they tell me they are expecting, and as soon as the 'dangerous' first few months have passed, I start buying things. Little things. A onesie here, a stuffed animal there. Or a book. Because it is fun for me.

Honestly, it doesn't even register on my radar to be resentful about what I've CHOSEN to spend on my friends kids. And make no mistake it is MY CHOICE. I don't know who you guys are friends with by at least with my friends it is not a requirement for me to spend money on the kiddos. And honestly, I don't feel like I have to compete with other friends or have to spend a certain amount. I spend what I feel comfortable. And if that money is NONE, that's okay too.

For me, at least, child free doesn't mean I don't love kids or that I don't enjoy them. I'm not some kind of kid scrooge like those nasty Sex in the City women. It's a lifestyle choice not to have kids of my own, sure. But that doesn't mean that resent my friends for having kids, or for my decision to indulge those kids with gifts.

I think of the opportunity to buy my friends' kids gifts a PERK of having friends. Not a liability.

You're a nicer person than me for sure.

I sometimes enjoy buying stuff for other people's kids, much like I sometimes enjoy buying gifts for other people. It's fun if I find something I think they'll love, etc. But other times I don't enjoy it - it feels like an obligation, I wish I didn't have to spend the $, I can't find what I think is a "good" gift, etc. - whether the gift is for a child or an adult.

This may also be a matter of boundaries and how comfortable you are with yourself...but for me I feel at least some pressure to spend a "decent" or appropriate amount of money - especially if it's at a gift giving event like a shower. I'd feel uncomfortable showing up with just a little book or something, even though I would not feel uncomfortable (and probably very much enjoy) giving the kid a book out of the blue, just because I saw it and thought of him/her.

Same with invitations to showers in general - if they are very, very good friends I see it as part of the package deal - even though I don't like showers and stuff like that, of course I'd go. But for friends who are in the circle but I'm not that close with, or random people that I kind of know, I might say no and not attend, but I do feel the pressure especially if I'm the only one or one of the very few not going.

I'm child free because I don't enjoy enjoy kids enough to have them with me 24/7 - but that doesn't mean I hate kids or can't enjoy them in small doses. But I don't at all resent my friends for having kids - but by the very nature of it, gift giving does sometimes became - or feels like - an obligation if you're having 3 showers, good friends or not.

 

[momhappy]

I just want to comment on the child free thing.

My friends have kids. And I LOVE buying stuff for their kiddos. Really. I'm excited when they tell me they are expecting, and as soon as the 'dangerous' first few months have passed, I start buying things. Little things. A onesie here, a stuffed animal there. Or a book. Because it is fun for me.

Honestly, it doesn't even register on my radar to be resentful about what I've CHOSEN to spend on my friends kids. And make no mistake it is MY CHOICE. I don't know who you guys are friends with by at least with my friends it is not a requirement for me to spend money on the kiddos. And honestly, I don't feel like I have to compete with other friends or have to spend a certain amount. I spend what I feel comfortable. And if that money is NONE, that's okay too.

For me, at least, child free doesn't mean I don't love kids or that I don't enjoy them. I'm not some kind of kid scrooge like those nasty Sex in the City women. It's a lifestyle choice not to have kids of my own, sure. But that doesn't mean that resent my friends for having kids, or for my decision to indulge those kids with gifts.

I think of the opportunity to buy my friends' kids gifts a PERK of having friends. Not a liability.

Good post, gypsy and well said. Some of my closest friends are child-free (some by choice, some not) and I'd hate to think that they did things for my children based on some sort of obligation and they they were resentful towards me and my family. Gift-giving is a choice and not a requirement and I wouldn't expect any of my friends (with kids or without) to gift because my friendships aren't based on those things.

 

[packrat]

I don't have a lot of friends. More male than female, and they're mostly my age or older, so baby showers are pretty much done. One sort of family member had a baby last year and that's the extent of it other than two PS friends who had babies a few years ago. My lead teacher is due next week and I've already brought a few things over-she wants to have a shower after the baby comes and I was too excited to wait. I'm never going to be a "real" Aunt, so I'm totally going to take advantage of baby fun w/someone I care for, now. And she promised that if I get Star Trek onesies, the baby will wear them. But, that's my choice, and it's been a different mindset than for the showers I've been invited to for a friend of a friend or for the 4th kid in 4 years. Plus, my kids are 11 and 8-and there's different stuff out now than when mine were born, so it's kinda fun to see the new things.

 

[msop04]

I just want to comment on the child free thing.

My friends have kids. And I LOVE buying stuff for their kiddos. Really. I'm excited when they tell me they are expecting, and as soon as the 'dangerous' first few months have passed, I start buying things. Little things. A onesie here, a stuffed animal there. Or a book. Because it is fun for me.

Honestly, it doesn't even register on my radar to be resentful about what I've CHOSEN to spend on my friends kids. And make no mistake it is MY CHOICE. I don't know who you guys are friends with by at least with my friends it is not a requirement for me to spend money on the kiddos. And honestly, I don't feel like I have to compete with other friends or have to spend a certain amount. I spend what I feel comfortable. And if that money is NONE, that's okay too.

For me, at least, child free doesn't mean I don't love kids or that I don't enjoy them. I'm not some kind of kid scrooge like those nasty Sex in the City women. It's a lifestyle choice not to have kids of my own, sure. But that doesn't mean that resent my friends for having kids, or for my decision to indulge those kids with gifts.

I think of the opportunity to buy my friends' kids gifts a PERK of having friends. Not a liability.

You're a nicer person than me for sure.

I sometimes enjoy buying stuff for other people's kids, much like I sometimes enjoy buying gifts for other people. It's fun if I find something I think they'll love, etc. But other times I don't enjoy it - it feels like an obligation, I wish I didn't have to spend the $, I can't find what I think is a "good" gift, etc. - whether the gift is for a child or an adult.

This may also be a matter of boundaries and how comfortable you are with yourself...but for me I feel at least some pressure to spend a "decent" or appropriate amount of money - especially if it's at a gift giving event like a shower. I'd feel uncomfortable showing up with just a little book or something, even though I would not feel uncomfortable (and probably very much enjoy) giving the kid a book out of the blue, just because I saw it and thought of him/her.

Same with invitations to showers in general - if they are very, very good friends I see it as part of the package deal - even though I don't like showers and stuff like that, of course I'd go. But for friends who are in the circle but I'm not that close with, or random people that I kind of know, I might say no and not attend, but I do feel the pressure especially if I'm the only one or one of the very few not going.

I'm child free because I don't enjoy enjoy kids enough to have them with me 24/7 - but that doesn't mean I hate kids or can't enjoy them in small doses. But I don't at all resent my friends for having kids - but by the very nature of it, gift giving does sometimes became - or feels like - an obligation if you're having 3 showers, good friends or not.

This word could just as easily be changed to "expectation" on the part of the baby mamas... If one of my friends has a shower, it is absolutely expected that you send a gift -- even if you don't attend the actual shower. This is what turns me off about 2nd,3rd, etc showers. It. Is. Tacky.

...and I don't think the SATC ladies were being "nasty" or "scrooges" about children. They chose not to have them (well, with the exception of Miranda's, which was unplanned and unwanted at first, and Charlotte, who was completely baby-obsessed), but they certainly recognized the double standard when it came to "celebration gifing" and the single woman. They didn't think it was quite fair to celebrate others decisions (showers and gifting) but not be able to celebrate their own in the same way... and they are absolutely right.

FWIW, I don't really like other people's kids. I'm due in September, and I know I'll be completely obsessed with my own. I used to think I was a bad person, but many of my best friends have shared the same thoughts -- they ONLY like their own kids.

 

[msop04]

Good post, gypsy and well said. Some of my closest friends are child-free (some by choice, some not) and I'd hate to think that they did things for my children based on some sort of obligation and they they were resentful towards me and my family. Gift-giving is a choice and not a requirement and I wouldn't expect any of my friends (with kids or without) to gift because my friendships aren't based on those things.

If a good friend has a child, there is an obligation and expectation to give a gift, assuming there are no financial hardships or other understandable circumstances as such. Gift-giving is a choice ultimately, but it's also an expectation (even if it's subconscious). Although you may not expect your friends to give you anything, they may feel obligated to do so and vice versa.

Are friendships based on whether or not you give lots of gifts, no... but I'd be lying if I said it wouldn't hurt my feelings a bit if my close friends didn't send a gift for my child -- and I would feel a bit guilty if I didn't do the same for them, even if it were a 2nd or 3rd... And, again, this is why it's tacky to have baby showers for children other than the first. Giving a gift just because you want to is one thing (which is what most do anyway), but having an official shower where gifts are expected is completely different.

 

[msop04]

I don't have a lot of friends. More male than female, and they're mostly my age or older, so baby showers are pretty much done. One sort of family member had a baby last year and that's the extent of it other than two PS friends who had babies a few years ago. My lead teacher is due next week and I've already brought a few things over-she wants to have a shower after the baby comes and I was too excited to wait. I'm never going to be a "real" Aunt, so I'm totally going to take advantage of baby fun w/someone I care for, now. And she promised that if I get Star Trek onesies, the baby will wear them. But, that's my choice, and it's been a different mindset than for the showers I've been invited to for a friend of a friend or for the 4th kid in 4 years. Plus, my kids are 11 and 8-and there's different stuff out now than when mine were born, so it's kinda fun to see the new things.

AMEN! This!

 

[liaerfbv]

...and I don't think the SATC ladies were being "nasty" or "scrooges" about children. They chose not to have them (well, with the exception of Miranda's, which was unplanned and unwanted at first, and Charlotte, who was completely baby-obsessed), but they certainly recognized the double standard when it came to "celebration gifing" and the single woman. They didn't think it was quite fair to celebrate others decisions (showers and gifting) but not be able to celebrate their own in the same way... and they are absolutely right.

That's the point that I was trying to make - thank you for saying that better than I could.

There is obviously a social expectation for gift giving. I have bucked a lot of those expectations in the past few years and ruffled some feathers and offended some people. My close friends understand my position, but those further out in my social circle have gotten some hurt feelings. I don't care - I assume by baby #3 you have all the onesies you'll ever need and will gladly express to you my feelings on baby showers. But let's not pretend that the obligation isn't there and our friendships are so strong and based on love that feelings don't get hurt if social norms are not upheld.

(Basically what you already said, msop04. )

 

[aviastar]

I wonder how much of that expectation or obligation we place on ourselves, though. For sure, in some circles there is a very real expectation, but I would posit that it's the expectation, not the shower itself that is the tacky part. But showers are FOR gift giving, is the argument- maybe they started that way or that's how you feel about them, but clearly, not everyone does. Back to intent. I bet those expectors would make you feel guilty for skipping the gift even without the formal event.

I'm with Gypsy on this one- I feel absolutely zero obligation to give gifts of any kind ever. Maybe that's my personality, my upbringing, my social circle; maybe it's being able to set boundaries, or simply giving no %^^# But I also have absolutely zero expectation of receiving gifts ever. My friends tend to go out of their way to say- This is a Celebration, no gifts. And what gifts are given, for weddings, holidays, birthdays, showers, are often inexpensive or homemade. I have showed up at weddings without gifts, because I spent three days before hand decorating and making flower arrangements- my time and effort was what I had and could afford to give so I did. No guilt and I received a heartfelt thank you in person and by card. Zero obligation, zero expectation- just good friends who loved each other.

 

[msop04]

...and I don't think the SATC ladies were being "nasty" or "scrooges" about children. They chose not to have them (well, with the exception of Miranda's, which was unplanned and unwanted at first, and Charlotte, who was completely baby-obsessed), but they certainly recognized the double standard when it came to "celebration gifing" and the single woman. They didn't think it was quite fair to celebrate others decisions (showers and gifting) but not be able to celebrate their own in the same way... and they are absolutely right.

That's the point that I was trying to make - thank you for saying that better than I could.

There is obviously a social expectation for gift giving. I have bucked a lot of those expectations in the past few years and ruffled some feathers and offended some people. My close friends understand my position, but those further out in my social circle have gotten some hurt feelings. I don't care - I assume by baby #3 you have all the onesies you'll ever need and will gladly express to you my feelings on baby showers. But let's not pretend that the obligation isn't there and our friendships are so strong and based on love that feelings don't get hurt if social norms are not upheld.

(Basically what you already said, msop04. )

I get ya, liaerfbv... I get ya.

 

[msop04]

I wonder how much of that expectation or obligation we place on ourselves, though. For sure, in some circles there is a very real expectation, but I would posit that it's the expectation, not the shower itself that is the tacky part. But showers are FOR gift giving, is the argument- maybe they started that way or that's how you feel about them, but clearly, not everyone does. Back to intent. I bet those expectors would make you feel guilty for skipping the gift even without the formal event.

I'm with Gypsy on this one- I feel absolutely zero obligation to give gifts of any kind ever. Maybe that's my personality, my upbringing, my social circle; maybe it's being able to set boundaries, or simply giving no %^^# But I also have absolutely zero expectation of receiving gifts ever. My friends tend to go out of their way to say- This is a Celebration, no gifts. And what gifts are given, for weddings, holidays, birthdays, showers, are often inexpensive or homemade. I have showed up at weddings without gifts, because I spent three days before hand decorating and making flower arrangements- my time and effort was what I had and could afford to give so I did. No guilt and I received a heartfelt thank you in person and by card. Zero obligation, zero expectation- just good friends who loved each other.

I agree with a lot of this being internalized within ourselves... so true. I also think it's perfectly fine to have a GTG to celebrate a new baby -- if it's made clear that there will be no gifts, like you mentioned.

 

[Rhea]

We don't have these in the UK - in fact it's considered bad luck to give gifts before a baby is safely born. I didn't get a thing before the birth - it's up to the parents to buy the essentials for their own child (obviously close relatives might chip in, and there is a lot of sharing between families and friends). After the birth, people visit to see the baby and bring small token gifts - blankets, clothes, soft toys etc.

Long may it continue IMO. Doesn't it just work out the same cost if everyone keeps their money to buy things for their own children, rather than spending it on others over the years?

Bridal showers aren't a thing here either, yet. Unfortunately, bachelor/bachelorette parties are definitely turning into expensive vacations, so the tide is probably turning...

Agreed. I look at the US shower thing and cringe. And I'm American

The hen and stag dos are getting big, but the absence of showers - long may that continue!! My husband's cousin (British) had a baby shower and it was quite clear from what was being said that it was not appreciated within the family. There were a lot of declines.

 

[CJ2008]

I wonder how much of that expectation or obligation we place on ourselves, though. For sure, in some circles there is a very real expectation, but I would posit that it's the expectation, not the shower itself that is the tacky part. But showers are FOR gift giving, is the argument- maybe they started that way or that's how you feel about them, but clearly, not everyone does. Back to intent. I bet those expectors would make you feel guilty for skipping the gift even without the formal event.

I'm with Gypsy on this one- I feel absolutely zero obligation to give gifts of any kind ever. Maybe that's my personality, my upbringing, my social circle; maybe it's being able to set boundaries, or simply giving no %^^# But I also have absolutely zero expectation of receiving gifts ever. My friends tend to go out of their way to say- This is a Celebration, no gifts. And what gifts are given, for weddings, holidays, birthdays, showers, are often inexpensive or homemade. I have showed up at weddings without gifts, because I spent three days before hand decorating and making flower arrangements- my time and effort was what I had and could afford to give so I did. No guilt and I received a heartfelt thank you in person and by card. Zero obligation, zero expectation- just good friends who loved each other.

I agree with a lot of this being internalized within ourselves... so true. I also think it's perfectly fine to have a GTG to celebrate a new baby -- if it's made clear that there will be no gifts, like you mentioned.

I agree msop04...

 

[Laila619]

For close friends, I think most people are happy to celebrate their friend's new baby, and would probably give a gift regardless.

I think what's annoying is getting invited to showers for people whom you A) haven't seen in years and/or B) aren't good friends with. I've gotten invited to showers for people I hardly even know (a wife of DH's co-worker) or haven't talked to or seen in forever, and that feels weird, because it comes across as gift grabby. It's like we're not good friends, we don't keep in touch, you didn't care when I had my kids, but now I am supposed to come to a party in your honor and shower you with gifts?

I have no problem giving gifts to people who are real friends and who are a part of my life. But when it's one-sided? No.

 

[Laila619]

I wonder how much of that expectation or obligation we place on ourselves, though. For sure, in some circles there is a very real expectation, but I would posit that it's the expectation, not the shower itself that is the tacky part. But showers are FOR gift giving, is the argument- maybe they started that way or that's how you feel about them, but clearly, not everyone does. Back to intent. I bet those expectors would make you feel guilty for skipping the gift even without the formal event.

I'm with Gypsy on this one- I feel absolutely zero obligation to give gifts of any kind ever. Maybe that's my personality, my upbringing, my social circle; maybe it's being able to set boundaries, or simply giving no %^^# But I also have absolutely zero expectation of receiving gifts ever. My friends tend to go out of their way to say- This is a Celebration, no gifts. And what gifts are given, for weddings, holidays, birthdays, showers, are often inexpensive or homemade. I have showed up at weddings without gifts, because I spent three days before hand decorating and making flower arrangements- my time and effort was what I had and could afford to give so I did. No guilt and I received a heartfelt thank you in person and by card. Zero obligation, zero expectation- just good friends who loved each other.

I think this is great!

 

[aviastar]

For close friends, I think most people are happy to celebrate their friend's new baby, and would probably give a gift regardless.

I think what's annoying is getting invited to showers for people whom you A) haven't seen in years and/or B) aren't good friends with. I've gotten invited to showers for people I hardly even know (a wife of DH's co-worker) or haven't talked to or seen in forever, and that feels weird, because it comes across as gift grabby. It's like we're not good friends, we don't keep in touch, you didn't care when I had my kids, but now I am supposed to come to a party in your honor and shower you with gifts?

I have no problem giving gifts to people who are real friends and who are a part of my life. But when it's one-sided? No.

This is essentially the crux of things, isn't it? I agree with you!

 

[msop04]

For close friends, I think most people are happy to celebrate their friend's new baby, and would probably give a gift regardless.

I think what's annoying is getting invited to showers for people whom you A) haven't seen in years and/or B) aren't good friends with. I've gotten invited to showers for people I hardly even know (a wife of DH's co-worker) or haven't talked to or seen in forever, and that feels weird, because it comes across as gift grabby. It's like we're not good friends, we don't keep in touch, you didn't care when I had my kids, but now I am supposed to come to a party in your honor and shower you with gifts?

I have no problem giving gifts to people who are real friends and who are a part of my life. But when it's one-sided? No.

This is essentially the crux of things, isn't it? I agree with you!

YES!!

 

[CJ2008]

For close friends, I think most people are happy to celebrate their friend's new baby, and would probably give a gift regardless.

I think what's annoying is getting invited to showers for people whom you A) haven't seen in years and/or B) aren't good friends with. I've gotten invited to showers for people I hardly even know (a wife of DH's co-worker) or haven't talked to or seen in forever, and that feels weird, because it comes across as gift grabby. It's like we're not good friends, we don't keep in touch, you didn't care when I had my kids, but now I am supposed to come to a party in your honor and shower you with gifts?

I have no problem giving gifts to people who are real friends and who are a part of my life. But when it's one-sided? No.

This is essentially the crux of things, isn't it? I agree with you!

YES!!

I think for me, even real friends can do things like I might not like or agree with...doesn't mean I love them any less...but...if you're having 3 showers...and you don't go out of your way to make sure people understand and know 100% that no gifts are expected/required, then I'm not going to like it. Even if I would buy a gift anyway, on my own. The difference is, the shower sets the expectation.

 

[momhappy]

For close friends, I think most people are happy to celebrate their friend's new baby, and would probably give a gift regardless.

I think what's annoying is getting invited to showers for people whom you A) haven't seen in years and/or B) aren't good friends with. I've gotten invited to showers for people I hardly even know (a wife of DH's co-worker) or haven't talked to or seen in forever, and that feels weird, because it comes across as gift grabby. It's like we're not good friends, we don't keep in touch, you didn't care when I had my kids, but now I am supposed to come to a party in your honor and shower you with gifts?

I have no problem giving gifts to people who are real friends and who are a part of my life. But when it's one-sided? No.

I understand what you're saying and I guess it's exactly why none of this really bothers me. If it's a close friend/close family member, then I would gift anyways (shower or no shower). If it's not someone I'm close to, then I don't go, don't gift, and don't care. It doesn't feel weird for me because quite frankly, I really, truly don't care and I simply throw the invite in the recycling bin and move on with my life

 

[msop04]

For close friends, I think most people are happy to celebrate their friend's new baby, and would probably give a gift regardless.

I think what's annoying is getting invited to showers for people whom you A) haven't seen in years and/or B) aren't good friends with. I've gotten invited to showers for people I hardly even know (a wife of DH's co-worker) or haven't talked to or seen in forever, and that feels weird, because it comes across as gift grabby. It's like we're not good friends, we don't keep in touch, you didn't care when I had my kids, but now I am supposed to come to a party in your honor and shower you with gifts?

I have no problem giving gifts to people who are real friends and who are a part of my life. But when it's one-sided? No.

This is essentially the crux of things, isn't it? I agree with you!

YES!!

I think for me, even real friends can do things like I might not like or agree with...doesn't mean I love them any less...but...if you're having 3 showers...and you don't go out of your way to make sure people understand and know 100% that no gifts are expected/required, then I'm not going to like it. Even if I would buy a gift anyway, on my own. The difference is, the shower sets the expectation.

Exactly ...which is precisely why a 2nd, 3rd, ect shower isn't in good taste.

 

[Laila619]

Question: what do you all think about bridal showers for a second-time bride? Are those considered tacky?

 

[msop04]

Question: what do you all think about bridal showers for a second-time bride? Are those considered tacky?

Good question. Assuming the bride and/or groom hasn't lost everything in a divorce, I would say it's not quite tasteful, buuutttt... That's a little trickier, IMO. Maybe it would be better to do a couple of smaller, more "themed" or specialty showers, like "stock the bar" or "BBQ Master"... Hmmm...