Is it common now to have a baby shower with every child?

[Niel]

Yes, and I think it's pretty tacky, honestly. You can celebrate each baby without having a shower.

Same. Very tacky IMO

 

[16ocean]

Yes, and I think it's pretty tacky, honestly. You can celebrate each baby without having a shower.

Same. Very tacky IMO

+1

 

[missy]

I feel the same way about engagement parties/bachelor/bachelorette parties and wedding showers etc. While I enjoy celebrating happy occasions I don't care for excessive gift taking events. One party for gifts before the wedding is fine but 3 different parties that many people have these days before the wedding? Seems excessive.

As for baby showers I give gifts to my friends for each child whether they have a shower or not but for acquaintances? No. And to have a full baby shower complete with the gifting theme for children close in age is greedy IMO.

Celebrate by all means as each child deserves to be celebrated but leave the gift requests out please for subsequent children. In any case I don't go to showers where I am not close to the people involved and as for work showers yes that is a conundrum but I will just give a small token gift if it is for a person for whom I have attended a baby shower in the recent past.

 

[liaerfbv]

I feel the same way about engagement parties/bachelor/bachelorette parties and wedding showers etc. While I enjoy celebrating happy occasions I don't care for excessive gift taking events. One party for gifts before the wedding is fine but 3 different parties that many people have these days before the wedding? Seems excessive.

As for baby showers I give gifts to my friends for each child whether they have a shower or not but for acquaintances? No. And to have a full baby shower complete with the gifting theme for children close in age is greedy IMO.

Celebrate by all means as each child deserves to be celebrated but leave the gift requests out please for subsequent children. In any case I don't go to showers where I am not close to the people involved and as for work showers yes that is a conundrum but I will just give a small token gift if it is for a person for whom I have attended a baby shower in the recent past.

A bit off topic, but I am so glad to hear someone else say all the wedding BS is out of control. I was the first of my friends to get married and I had 2 showers (in 2 different states). My bachelorette party was a few friends going out drinking and staying one night in a hotel. It now seems like 3-4 showers is the norm, and all the same people are invited to them all. Bachelorette parties are now vacations - one of my DH's friends is getting married and his fiance had: 1) an engagement party, 2) a girls weekend cruise to celebrate getting engaged, 3) a bachelorette getaway (4 days at the beach), and 4) a bridesmaids trip to Savannah. THAT'S JUST SO FAR, THE WEDDING ISN'T UNTIL 2016! And somehow, I'm the weird one for refusing to participate in this madness.

Back on topic, I drew a line in the sand last year and said no more baby showers. I hate them, I'm miserable when I'm there, no matter how close I am to the mom I just dread the whole show. I always send a great present and I'm very happy for everyone to have as many babies as they want but I just can't deal with that anymore. 2nd baby showers are incredibly tacky and I do blame the mom-to-be for not putting the kibosh on that.

 

[Calliecake]

Thank you for everyones responses. I have always given a gift when a child is born along with a gift for the couples other children so they also feel part of the celebration. I guess I really am old. I had never heard of someone having another shower a year after they had their first child. As others mentioned I have only attend a second shower if there was a five year or longer spread between the children. I guess I'm just burned out on wedding and baby showers this summer. I have had a shower to attend almost every weekend since April. At one of the baby showers I attended the guests had to sit thru over 5 hours of her opening gifts. I had never seen anything like it. The baby's grandmother announced that she had been shopping the past 120 days and we all had to sit thru her opening 120 gifts from her mother.

 

[PintoBean]

i get the whole being burnt out. It costs more to attend these events than to mail something as a gesture, and sometimes if it's a heavy season workwise or event-wise, I just can't take the hit to the wallet and to my sanity. My default gift for parents, whether it is a baby shower I won't be attending or for parents that didn't have a shower (or I wasn't invited to - e.g., my cousins in another state having another baby), is buy buy baby coupons and a gift card.

 

[amc80]

I have a friend who had a baby, gender unknown. She obviously had all gender neutral stuff. She had her second baby (also gender unknown) 18 months later. And, with it, a second shower. Are you freaking kidding me? I didn't attend that one. Another friend had a son two years after having a daughter. She had a FULL shower- theme, games, registry, etc. When I got pregnant with #2, my friends were begging to throw me a shower. I stood strong and refused. I told them I'd be more than happy to go out to lunch or something with everyone, but in no way would it be a real shower. And I totally agree with the wedding stuff- it's totally out of control.

 

[momhappy]

Well I'm glad that my pregnant friend and I didn't put the kibosh on our friends planning of our 2nd joint shower It was a fun event and everyone had a great time. This friend and I have been pregnant together at exactly the same times (due dates within a few days of each other) with the same sex babies every time, so it was a fun excuse to get the group together. We didn't play cheesy shower games - just good food, good friends, and yes, gifts. In my social circle, we gift a lot though. If I'm invited to and attend a party, I bring a hostess gift. I like gifting. I suppose this issue sort of depends on the intent. If it's a shower thrown for the sole purpose of getting gifts, then I can see how some people might have negative feelings about. I'm just not that sensitive about it because like I said, I can choose to go or not go, gift or not gift and while there may be consequences when making those choices, the bottom line is that I am an adult and make my own choices I agree that sometimes the parties, gifting, etc. can feel like too much, especially with weddings, so I can sympathize with the fact that it might feel overwhelming. I'm older and don't attend many weddings, celebrate the birth of many babies, etc. any more, so I admit that I am bias in that sense. Interesting thread though. It reminds me of how crazy prom has gotten these days too. I have many friends with prom-age kids and it's all gotten sooooooooooo elaborate It must set the bar so high and then they go through life with the same expectations. Maybe it's those sorts of expectations/attitudes that contribute to all of the elaborate showers, celebrations, parties, etc.?

 

[LLJsmom]

I didn't want one for my second, but my family insisted and said I wasn't being "fair" to the second one. Uhhhh...ok....

 

[packrat]

ugh-fair to the 2nd one?? You know what would be fair to the 2nd one? People to come and help take pictures and do a baby book for the 2nd one. Trapper has about 1/2 the pictures that London does...and really, I felt so overwhelmed w/London I didn't finish her baby book either. Trapper doesn't even *have* one. That's what new mom's need-help w/keepsake things like that, not eleventy thirteen onesies.

 

[Gypsy]

Do moms-to-be really have a choice in the matter? Showers are typically planned by friends and/or family, so if someone offers to throw a shower, can a mom-to-be turn down the offer and how might that be perceived? I guess that'a why I don't perceive showers for subsequent babies as an attention/gift grabby thing - because a mom-to-be doesn't throw her own shower, but rather her friends/family do.

Technically, you are right. In fact, traditional etiquette was that the mom's family should not host, either, only friends, because it is an event asking guests to bring gifts. However, if our friends and family are any indication, lately it appears that the moms-to-be are often part of the planning, so yes, she could decline the idea.

I was not aware that moms-to-be are often part of the planning process.
I guess none of this really bothers me all that much. If someone wants to host a subsequent shower (or even throw one themselves), I can choose to attend or not attend, so I don't see the big deal.

And that's the bottom line. If I know the person and care about them, I will get them a baby gift regardless of whether there is a shower for #2+ or not. I will happily attend a shower because I love them. If I am invited to a shower for a distant acquaintance (which I can't really say has ever happened) I wouldn't attend or feel obligated to give a gift.

I definitely think there is a difference today with most people finding out the sex of the baby in advance. My daughter had a girl first and was given beautiful baby girl clothing and accessories and the nursery was decorated for a girl. If she ever has a boy, she will need all new clothes. So I can absolutely see justification for a shower if the sex of the second baby is different than the first. But again, if you aren't close enough to really care about the person, just decline and forget about it!

I basically agree with this.

You can decline if you object. You can just send a card. You can show up with a $5 gift (there are a lot of theses for babies).

I can see thinking that a 'sprinkle' is more appropriate in certain situations. But... it's not my job to tell someone how to celebrate the birth of their child. My only job is to support them as a friend/family member, and to decide what 'support' means to me. No one is forcing me to participate in the festivities if I don't find them appropriate.

As for people 'forcing' showers on you. I don't think that's possible. You can counter that argument very easily by saying, "Well, I'm the kids' mom and I'll decide what is fair and what is not. And I feel that a full blown shower isn't fair. I appreciate the thought, and I'd love to get together and take some pictures and make memories. But any invite will have to specify 'no presents' or I won't attend." They can't have the shower without YOU.

Backbone. Find it.

 

[susief]

We don't have these in the UK - in fact it's considered bad luck to give gifts before a baby is safely born. I didn't get a thing before the birth - it's up to the parents to buy the essentials for their own child (obviously close relatives might chip in, and there is a lot of sharing between families and friends). After the birth, people visit to see the baby and bring small token gifts - blankets, clothes, soft toys etc.

Long may it continue IMO. Doesn't it just work out the same cost if everyone keeps their money to buy things for their own children, rather than spending it on others over the years?

Bridal showers aren't a thing here either, yet. Unfortunately, bachelor/bachelorette parties are definitely turning into expensive vacations, so the tide is probably turning...

 

[MissStepcut]

Ugh. I admit I just don't like showers at all (and have politely declined all those offered to me). I understand that it's a staple of our culture, and I don't know if I think anything about this phenomenon is necessarily tacky or rude, but good lord, financially secure people hosting elaborate gift-giving occasions for themselves does sort of put me off, and particularly when it's a departure from traditional etiquette. I know it does make me a bit of a grinch. I'm happy to be generous when people are raising money for good charities, helping out when a member of the support staff in my office faces difficult times, etc. And if my social group had more people who are going to find the start up costs of marriage or babies difficult to swing, I think I would get into the spirit more.

 

[smitcompton]

Hi,

The only time I have some doubts about a baby shower is when the mother or mother-in law throws it. Many people belong to several different social or work groups with no over-lapping guests and can have several showers. I think this is a celebration for the mother to be, even if its her second or third child. I do think I would have thought that 120 gifts for the mother to be was someone showing off. This would have annoyed me as well.

I don't see it as gift grabbing as much as all women want to feel excited at a new baby, so if her friends want to throw a small party, I think its nice. I don't care for elaborate affairs. Its just as much as puzzle to me as hiring a hall for childrens birthday parties. what happened to ice-cream and cake?

Annette

 

[MissStepcut]

Hi,

The only time I have some doubts about a baby shower is when the mother or mother-in law throws it. Many people belong to several different social or work groups with no over-lapping guests and can have several showers. I think this is a celebration for the mother to be, even if its her second or third child. I do think I would have thought that 120 gifts for the mother to be was someone showing off. This would have annoyed me as well.

I don't see it as gift grabbing as much as all women want to feel excited at a new baby, so if her friends want to throw a small party, I think its nice. I don't care for elaborate affairs. Its just as much as puzzle to me as hiring a hall for childrens birthday parties. what happened to ice-cream and cake?

Annette

That's funny. I feel like there's almost no party too elaborate, as long as you're being a good host. A big party for a small child's birthday, but with good food and entertainment seems like a great way to gather loved ones.

 

[msop04]

My daughter was given a "sprinkle" for her second child (same sex as the first) by her best friends. We ate at a restaurant and she was given a few gifts. Nursery was a different color and there were some things she needed. In addition, our church gives a "dipes, wipes, and swipes" (diapers, wipes, and gift cards) to welcome every new baby. I think that is helpful and appreciated by everyone.

I think it's a little tacky to have a full-on shower with a second/third child (unless it's years apart or different sex), but people seem to do it. I like this idea of "dipes, wipes, and swipes" if given by the church and to each child. Very thoughtful.

 

[Laila619]

I once got an invite to a baby shower for the second and third babies (the couple was having twin girls) two years after they already had their first daughter. The kicker was that the invite was from the mom herself! I was shocked she was throwing herself her own shower.

 

[msop04]

I once got an invite to a baby shower for the second and third babies (the couple was having twin girls) two years after they already had their first daughter. The kicker was that the invite was from the mom herself! I was shocked she was throwing herself her own shower.

OMG!! Shameless!!
...seriously, that's terribly tacky.

 

[MishB]

My lash artist is pregnant with her second. At my last appointment she was telling me all about the 'baby shower' she was throwing...for herself. I did think to myself, that's not really the done thing, twice over.

However, she is Swedish and told me baby showers aren't the norm where she comes from so I think she heard of the idea and wanted to have a 'baby party', obviously none of her friends thought to organise one.

She didn't mention the guests buying gifts for the baby, but she was very preoccupied about the elaborate (traditional Swedish) food her husband was planning to prepare, and the gift bags she was putting together for the guests!

I don't think it even occurred to her that people would be expecting to give her gifts.

 

[Jambalaya]

Most of my friends are single ladies, so I haven't been to many baby showers, or weddings for that matter. This thread is a surprise to me - all this etiquette I knew nothing about!

Why is it considered bad to have a shower for each child? I see it as a celebration of each baby. Why shouldn't each baby receive gifts? I understand that babies go through a lot of onesies and they don't cost much to give. Lots of other baby items are very inexpensive.

And why shouldn't the mom-to-be throw her own shower? It's her baby and she wants to celebrate it.

Seems a shame that there's so backbiting such as whispers of "tacky" behind the backs of women giving birth or getting married. Weddings and babies are joyous things. Why can't we be just be happy for everyone without the judgment.

 

[aviastar]

Most of my friends are single ladies, so I haven't been to many baby showers, or weddings for that matter. This thread is a surprise to me - all this etiquette I knew nothing about!

Why is it considered bad to have a shower for each child? I see it as a celebration of each baby. Why shouldn't each baby receive gifts? I understand that babies go through a lot of onesies and they don't cost much to give. Lots of other baby items are very inexpensive.

And why shouldn't the mom-to-be throw her own shower? It's her baby and she wants to celebrate it.

Seems a shame that there's so backbiting such as whispers of "tacky" behind the backs of women giving birth or getting married. Weddings and babies are joyous things. Why can't we be just be happy for everyone without the judgment.

I really love this post. This is the 'attitude of gratitude' I try to cultivate in my life- sometimes more successfully than others!

I do get a little put off when I feel I am being milked for gifts- but this is an individual assessment. I know the people issuing the invites and I know their past behaviors and whether or not they have a history of grabbiness and entitlement. It often has nothing to do with how many kids/showers, who hosts, what words are used on the invite. Intent, that's my only gauge. In those cases, I simply decline the invite.

I, myself, am skipping a shower for this baby, even though it's my first. There are many reasons- most of my close girlfriends are far away, including my sisters, we have a very small home and I am carefully curating exactly what we have room for, etc. I suppose someone could surprise me with one, but I've quietly let it out to those that might (ahem, my overly enthusiastic, bless her heart, but not a good planner SIL) that I'd rather have a 'meet the baby' when my family is all in town for the holidays this year.

 

[Calliecake]

Most of my friends are single ladies, so I haven't been to many baby showers, or weddings for that matter. This thread is a surprise to me - all this etiquette I knew nothing about!

Why is it considered bad to have a shower for each child? I see it as a celebration of each baby. Why shouldn't each baby receive gifts? I understand that babies go through a lot of onesies and they don't cost much to give. Lots of other baby items are very inexpensive.

And why shouldn't the mom-to-be throw her own shower? It's her baby and she wants to celebrate it.

Seems a shame that there's so backbiting such as whispers of "tacky" behind the backs of women giving birth or getting married. Weddings and babies are joyous things. Why can't we be just be happy for everyone without the judgment.

When I started this thread it was because I had never heard of having a shower after the first baby was born in a family unless there was a large gap between the children. I have ALWAYS brought gifts whenever a friend or family member has had a new baby. I have also bought gifts for the other children in the family so they feel special in the celebration. Everyone I knows does this so please believe me when I say all the babies are celebrated. I guess that is why I was kind of surprised to get another shower invitation a year later.

 

[NonieMarie]

Seems to be. Personally I don't like it unless the kids are VERY far apart. I have been to several showers where the kids are same sex and only a few years apart. What possibly could they need? I have been to a few "sprinkles" too. Not a full blown shower.

It's becoming a pet peeve of mine. We bought all gender neutral stuff even though we knew we were having a boy. It's not our friends' jobs to buy us new stuff. I've heard the argument that all babies should be celebrated. But, the entire point of a shower is presents. So celebrate the baby, but put "no gifts" on the invitation.

I agree. If it was me and friends pushed the shower, I would insist on no gifts, just a party. People that feel the need, can buy something after the baby is born.

 

[MissStepcut]

Most of my friends are single ladies, so I haven't been to many baby showers, or weddings for that matter. This thread is a surprise to me - all this etiquette I knew nothing about!

Why is it considered bad to have a shower for each child? I see it as a celebration of each baby. Why shouldn't each baby receive gifts? I understand that babies go through a lot of onesies and they don't cost much to give. Lots of other baby items are very inexpensive.

And why shouldn't the mom-to-be throw her own shower? It's her baby and she wants to celebrate it.

Seems a shame that there's so backbiting such as whispers of "tacky" behind the backs of women giving birth or getting married. Weddings and babies are joyous things. Why can't we be just be happy for everyone without the judgment.

It's really not a celebration of the baby. There are some lovely occasions that are: dedications or baptisms in churches, sip n sees after babies are born, and then of course birthdays. They're specifically to "shower" the parents to be with gifts, to ease the burden of bringing home a new baby.

There are lots of occasions for celebration in life, but if a person gets a promotion, gets engaged, gets into grad school, we would all agree they shouldn't throw themselves a "shower" to celebrate, which is by definition a call to give gifts.

 

[Jambalaya]

Lots of things that people do make me annoyed, but I guess having a shower for each baby isn't one of them!

 

[liaerfbv]

Lots of things that people do make me annoyed, but I guess having a shower for each baby isn't one of them!

Just wait until every girlfriend you've ever had is on baby number 2 or 3....

 

[Jambalaya]

Fair point!

 

[Calliecake]

Lots of things that people do make me annoyed, but I guess having a shower for each baby isn't one of them!

Just wait until every girlfriend you've ever had is on baby number 2 or 3....

Thank you Liaerfby! I also think part of my mood is coming from the fact that I spent over $900 on shower gifts the month of May and close to that during the month of June. It really adds up quickly!

 

[msop04]

Most of my friends are single ladies, so I haven't been to many baby showers, or weddings for that matter. This thread is a surprise to me - all this etiquette I knew nothing about!

Why is it considered bad to have a shower for each child? I see it as a celebration of each baby. Why shouldn't each baby receive gifts? I understand that babies go through a lot of onesies and they don't cost much to give. Lots of other baby items are very inexpensive.

And why shouldn't the mom-to-be throw her own shower? It's her baby and she wants to celebrate it.

Seems a shame that there's so backbiting such as whispers of "tacky" behind the backs of women giving birth or getting married. Weddings and babies are joyous things. Why can't we be just be happy for everyone without the judgment.

It's really not a celebration of the baby. There are some lovely occasions that are: dedications or baptisms in churches, sip n sees after babies are born, and then of course birthdays. They're specifically to "shower" the parents to be with gifts, to ease the burden of bringing home a new baby.

There are lots of occasions for celebration in life, but if a person gets a promotion, gets engaged, gets into grad school, we would all agree they shouldn't throw themselves a "shower" to celebrate, which is by definition a call to give gifts.

This exactly. There is absolutely nothing wrong with buying a baby a gift -- no matter if it's the first or #5 (and I do this regardless)... but an official "baby shower" after the first or under certain circumstances is in poor taste, period. When you go to a baby shower, just like a wedding shower, you are expected to bring a gift. It's tacky because you're asking for and expecting gifts.

My cousin's wife is expecting twin boys (they have a 3 yo girl) and just posted photos on FB of one of at least THREE showers she's having. When I tell you there were tons of gifts, I mean enough to take up the entire living room AND dining room of a very large home -- ridiculous. They make a lot of money (he's an orthodontist who took over an extremely profitable practice years ago), so it's not like they couldn't afford some onesies, diapers, or wipes -- which is really all they need. The same people (for the most part) are always invited and expected to "gift"...

As I mentioned before, there is NOTHING wrong with gifting to those you love -- GIFT AWAY!! ...but to have formal "showers" where gift are expected is beyond tacky... especially when given by the expectant mother or immediate family. Yes, you can put your foot down, but how is that going to look when everyone else is present and brings a gift, and you are not/don't?? Baby and wedding showers are two events that you can shamelessly ask for gifts -- just not after the first baby/wedding. After that, it's in bad taste.

 

[athenaworth]

My friend had two. We called the second a "sprinkle" and basically bought her all of the essentials (diapers, bibs, newborn onesies).