Do you have a happy marriage?

[DNB]

Yes we are. Are we blissful all the time, heck no. Anyone who says so isn't telling the truth lol

34 years married next month, together 37 this fall. He adores me and we drive each other crazy, but we also can't imagine not being together. I've never wanted to be with anyone else. He was my "first" and my only long term boyfriend. I wasn't for him, but he has told me many times he wishes I had been. We were 21 and 24 when we got married.

 

[iLander]

32 years married.

Ridiculously happy. It's almost silly. We're each other's favorite person to be with, always have been. We both think that if we had met as little kids we would have played together all the time. Which is basically what we do now.

We went on our first date in February and were married by December of the same year.

On a 1-10 scale, I think a 10. We both feel like the lucky one, the one that got the better deal.

We both put the other's happiness ahead of our own. You should see what happens when we're down to the last meatball (or whatever delicious dinner thing), it will remain uneaten because we each want the other to have the treat.

Interestingly, no one wanted us to get married. They all said it would never last, etc. None of them has ever admitted that they were wrong, but obviously they were.

I would love to have this in my life! Good for you, iLander!

You will. Definitely, Minous, you will.

 

[NOYFB]

I wanted to give a fair answer so I asked my DH.

I did the same thing. He said 10, which is the same number I'd say. We are very happy with our marriage. We are each other's best friend and we just "get" each other. Neither of us could imagine being with anyone else. Been married 14 years and together for 19.

 

[rubybeth]

I just asked DH if we have a happy marriage, and he said, "No..." Then left me hanging and said, "We have a VERY happy marriage!" I laughed. I don't know that I can give it a rating. We are both wonderfully flawed people, but we love, respect, and support each other through our trials and tough times. We will celebrate 7 years of marriage in August, dated for a bit over 2 years, and knew each other/were friends for 6 years before dating, so we have known each other more than half our lives.

I think one thing that helps our happiness is shared goals, or at least a lot of support for each other's goals. Right now, DH is studying for a test on Tuesday for his grad school program. I am quietly hanging out nearby. I think he is brilliant, and am so glad he is in school, studying what interests him, and excelling at it! He also supports my goals--I wanted to learn to skateboard (yes, at age 34!) and so he bought me a board and helmet and is teaching me. That's love. [emoji173]️

 

[Dancing Fire]

Those of you with super happy, blissful marriages: what do you think is the key to your success?

#1- don't have an affair.
#2- don't talk about money.

The two main reasons leading to a divorce.

oh Dancing Fire you are so wise!

Thank you!..

 

[Arcadian]

I think we have a good marriage. Happy? well that's relative! We're not unhappy being together, but we're not exactly giddy or sappy. Not our nature. We have a good and honest relationship. We love each other, and enjoy being together, we dare each other sometimes to do different stuff and get out of our comfort zone. We have our arguments but IMO that's normal when you're with someone else. I won't hold grudges, I get what I have to say out and be done with it. He had to learn to follow my lead in that, because holding it in is very unhealthy. Funny enough, after an argument (our are more like discussions, we don't tend to yell), he said he'd rather have a bad time with me than have a good time with someone else. (yes its a song but still!) that tells me a lot right there.

We're best friends, but I had to teach him the difference between love and like. I love him, probably will always, but he hops on that last nerve and I admittedly don't always like him. He didn't get that really, until he did something that caused me to uncharacteristically yell at him. I've yelled at him twice in the 15 years we've been together if that tells you anything.

 

[sarahb]

We have been married 23 years, both 2nd marriages, both 1st marriages were over very quickly. Met in May, eloped 5 months later in September. Very happy. Have had times of tests, but over all, its all good.

 

[AshBee]

Reading all of these posts made me excited/driven/hopeful for my future and my upcoming marriage, especially seeing as I relate to a lot of what has been said so far. My fiancé is my best friend, and he makes me into a better person. I don't have anywhere near the years of experience most of the posters have, but I hope to be able to post about my 10, 20, and 30 year anniversaries if they still are using forums by then.

We have been together for over a year, known each other 2 years. Nobody has really batted an eye at the timeline considering our situation is a bit unique. He is from England and I'm living in the United States. We met on the internet, we play a lot of internet games and I post on several different forums which had put me in touch with plenty of people around the world. Of course, I never would have chosen such a long distance relationship for myself if I could help it, who would? But then he came to visit me for the first visit of many for three weeks and it was game over from there.
Most of my life I had been afraid of marriage, my parents went through three different divorces while I was growing up. In most of my relationships I remained guarded and safe, opting to be selfish instead of giving. Focusing on taking and receiving instead of putting them before myself. This is the first time that I've seen what a relationship should be like. I want nothing more than to make him happy, and I strive every day to be better for him. I don't need anything in return but to know he is smiling and that he is okay, and every day I'm surprised by how strongly I feel for him. Young love and all that I suppose.

We are still going through the Visa process, and will be getting married in a courtroom for the fiancé visa when he is allowed to enter the country. We are projecting September but it is completely up to processing times by our respective governments. When we marry, we will start planning a larger wedding a year from then in order to celebrate with our friends and family. It was this past February on another trip to the US to see me that he proposed, and it has been 4 months since I have hugged him or kissed him.

This engagement is what drove me to want to start posting here now that I have a diamond of my own.

 

[ame]

Married 10 years July 2nd. By and Large yes. We have the same few arguments over and over though and I am sure one day we'll snap and end up on the news But we don't fight over money, thankfully, so we have that goin for us I guess.

 

[CRYSTAL24K]

Congratulations, Ashbee! I know you can't wait to be with your sweetie full time.

I am really enjoying this thread.

 

[Ally T]

I have read every post on this thread & the diversity is fascinating. I for one really appreciate everyone's honesty.

Personally, I would rate my marriage at 8 / 10. We met & married quickly. We belly laugh every day. We have 2 beautiful daughters that I risked my life to have due to a medical condition even though I didn't want children, because he wanted them & I love him so much I wanted to make him happy. We have a nice life that he works hard for, as I stopped working when our eldest was born.

We discuss money. He's tight & I like to spend, so there are bickers to be had there.
We never, EVER get cross or disagree in front of the girls, as we decided long ago that they should never see conflict in mummy & daddy.
He is my best friend.
I quite often want to stab his eyes out with a heeled stiletto shoe.
I quite often mumble under my breath the word a$$ when he is behaving like one.
I cannot imagine my life without him. I dream of all the adventures I will have when my children have left home, and there is no one on earth I would rather have by my side than Mr. T. Except George Clooney. I'd leave him in a flash for George

 

[AshBee]

Congratulations, Ashbee! I know you can't wait to be with your sweetie full time.

I am really enjoying this thread.

Thank you! I've been enjoying it too.

Hopefully it won't be too long, but we've managed alright so far.

 

[luv2sparkle]

Yes we do. We have been married 35 years this July 12. Most of the time, I would say it's a 9.5. There are a few days, I would rate it a 2, but I am sure everyone has a few of those days! LOL. I liked what Alex T said about mumbling under her breath when he is acting like an a$$. So true. I do most of my mumbling in the shower! He is my best friend and we have very few issues. This year has probably been our hardest year. Stress levels have been high. We have weathered a lot of really hard things together and come through stronger but I admit this year has hit us both kind of hard for whatever reason. So we talk it out until we are both feeling better. Sometimes that takes a while like it has this year. We have been married since we were twenty years old. I am so glad of that. I know a lot of people these days don't want to get married so young, and I understand that, but it has been the biggest blessing of my life to have shared all these years with this man. We will go from knowing and loving each other as kids, to knowing and loving each other as old people I hope. I am very thankful for that.

 

[PintoBean]

5/10. We have been married 2+ years. Separating our professional and private lives is the issue.

When we are together and it's just about us and work is not brought up, it's an 8/10.
When work barges into the home it makes the happiness a 2/10.

We are working at this. It is a work in progress...pun intended!
Up through 2013 we worked at the same company. Now I work at home but in the same industry. I don't want to hear more than 20 minutes of what happened at work because without limits DH turns it into a three hour vent session and it doesn't relieve his stress because hes literally not taking a break from work. It also stresses me out. One thing we are working on is keeping it to 20 minutes or less. And I don't ask him how work was. I ask him, "did anything funny happen at work today?" In hopes that this question forces him to talk about something silly or funny that happened at work and frames work in a more positive light.

And if I won lotto I would totally get a divorce. How else would DH and I play, oh the pool boy is here (DH as pool boy) but wait, I have no pool! Call me sugar mama!

 

[iLander]

5/10. We have been married 2+ years. Separating our professional and private lives is the issue.

When we are together and it's just about us and work is not brought up, it's an 8/10.
When work barges into the home it makes the happiness a 2/10.

We are working at this. It is a work in progress...pun intended!
Up through 2013 we worked at the same company. Now I work at home but in the same industry. I don't want to hear more than 20 minutes of what happened at work because without limits DH turns it into a three hour vent session and it doesn't relieve his stress because hes literally not taking a break from work. It also stresses me out. One thing we are working on is keeping it to 20 minutes or less. And I don't ask him how work was. I ask him, "did anything funny happen at work today?" In hopes that this question forces him to talk about something silly or funny that happened at work and frames work in a more positive light.

And if I won lotto I would totally get a divorce. How else would DH and I play, oh the pool boy is here (DH as pool boy) but wait, I have no pool! Call me sugar mama!

I found this interesting because DH and I have run our own company for 30+ years. We worked together and dealt with employee problems, client issues, etc, and then we went home to be a married couple. I think I should get extra credit on anniversaries, since the sheer amount of time spent together (24/7!) exceeds that of most married couples. I think it's more like 50+ years in terms of hours logged, lol.

We solved this by me saying "it's after five, I don't talk about work," and leaving the room. Or "it's the weekend, I don't want to talk about work." You have to separate yourself from work and your DH does too, or he will go nuts. Gentle but firm, no, is the only way. It sounds like you have a good start on it, and you're helping him, because obviously venting just makes it worse for him.

We also had a trick for awful clients; pretend that this is a brand new client, and none of their history exists. A fresh start in your mind. Otherwise, your attitude will get worse every day, and sometimes you can't afford to dump a client (or employer).

 

[momhappy]

Interesting replies in this thread Although I must admit, I'm surprised by some of them. I wouldn't rate anything in my life a "10" even though there are plenty of things I'm stupid-happy about A 10 implies 100% perfection and nothing in life is perfect - there is always something to improve upon, which is what keeps my life interesting. It's nice to know that there are plenty of happy marriages out there though, especially when I see/know so many miserable ones.

 

[Hospatogi]

Well according to my inlaws we do not since we have been married almost 3 years and still haven't given them any grand babies haha ! Our response always is that we gave them a grand daughter..only she has fur, four legs, a tail, and barks !

 

[Rena7]

We are having our 30th anniversary this August. I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. I would say a 10.

 

[Tekate]

Laila! thank you.. on the dark days.. it brought us together.. on these golden days.. honey all is well.. thank you so much!

Happy? hmmm... enjoyable is a better answer for me.. We have been together 30 years and married 28. This is my 2nd marriage, first was so horrible but I was young.

We had kids immediately... our older son was very trying and caused arguments and anger - our son is now 27 and a programmer at HP and happy.. he was just the 'difficult baby/toddler/child/teen/early adult"... our other son is quiet, a programmer and introverted..

We married and came from extremely different backgrounds; me - fighting Irish; him - english snobbery types, THAT caused friction for years.. we almost divorced once.. I had many chips, blocks, boulders and my husband had never been involved with anyone with so much baggage... time... jobs.. moving.... boys growing up, deaths.. then came RETIREMENT... it has been great for him and stressful for me, as my husband inadvertently became my 'team leader' ... we have had to work on that..

I would rate my marriage a 9 out of 10.. we weathered all of the above and became closer, we love our kids, our dog, our life, we are financially well off (not richey rich), we can travel, we have a great home.. these things don't make one happy but they help.

I don't think anyone mentioned and I don't want to be too personal etc.. but one thing my husband and I had was a very good sex life..we were very compatible, I think this more than much kept us together during the rotten times and enhanced the good times.. I apologize if anyone is affected by me mentioning the s word.. but it is important to some in marriages.

Lol Tekate! On those bad days, sometimes a healthy sex life is probably the only thing that keeps us together. Definitely important.

I think sex and finances are the two things most couples fight about.

 

[partgypsy]

I said on a forum people were rating their marriages, and on a 1 to 10 scale, how would he rate ours?

He said, "Is this Pricescope? I give it 3 sapphires up, 1 ruby down." And then said what I said before, don't think I could really give it a number. But we did end up talking. We have had a lot of rough times. Right now, not so rough time, or at least have faith we will get through the hard times.

 

[MishB]

We've been married 13 years, and yes, both of us are very happy and content with our marriage.

We just enjoy being together, whether we are travelling the world or sitting on either ends of the couch messaging each other on our laptops. I think romantic love is incredibly important, but so is respect and appreciation. We never never take each other for granted. I had a life threatening illness several years ago, he was my rock and I never miss an opportunity to tell him how thankful I am to be married to him.

I talk to other single friends about their lives, and I think how lost and bereft I would be if he wasn't here.

 

[KristyDarling]

I love reading these responses. Such diversity and wonderful insights.

Over the years we've fluctuated between 3 and 9. In recent years it's been more like 8-9, thank goodness. We've been together 18 years and married for 14.

I think the overall key to our marriage is that I don't depend on him to make me happy, and vice versa. It took us quite awhile to figure that out. We now understand that we are each responsible for our own happiness. For me that means accepting myself as I am, finding joy and meaning in what I do, and being grateful for my life's blessings. At least, I strive for those things each day...I don't always succeed.

We're happiest when we're able to bring our individual contentment to the marriage, along with mutual love, respect, and friendship. Our lowest points occurred when we looked to the other to fill up the holes inside ourselves -- which we learned is an impossible and very miserable endeavor.

All that said, I just really, really enjoy my husband's company. He makes me laugh. Life is richer and more fun together. I think that our sense of belonging together has gradually developed over time -- it's not like it was a natural fit from the get-go. We're growing up side-by-side. Even though he can drive me BAT-SH!T CRAZY like no one else can, he's still the person I most enjoy being with in just about every situation (except for jewelry and handbag shopping).

 

[aljdewey]

Those of you with super happy, blissful marriages: what do you think is the key to your success?

I've been with R for 13 years, and we are about to celebrate our 11th anniversary next week. I would say it's 10 out of 10 - we are each other's best friend, and we each still feel fortunate to have found the other.

I think the key to our success: mutual respect. We do not call each other names; we do not belittle one another. We have very aligned fundamental values, so we don't often disagree but when we do, we both are willing to make adjustments to find a middle ground we can both be happy with. We don't attack one another; neither one tries to "win" at the expense of the other. We are both problem solvers by nature, and we each feel the other's happiness is as important as our own.

If I had to pick one thing, that would be it. Even the most intense love can be eroded when partners don't treat each other well.

ETA: In replying 10 out of 10, I'm rating my/our happiness level, not implying that my marriage is perfect or has no room for improvement. No marriage is perfect, I think.....we all have our ups and downs. For me, the ups and downs are what strengthen the fabric of marriage.

Still, I couldn't imagine being happier than I am. We've built a wonderful life together, and I waited half my life to find the right guy. I still feel giddy at the sheer good luck we had in finally crossing paths, so yeah.......10.

 

[minousbijoux]

Those of you with super happy, blissful marriages: what do you think is the key to your success?

I've been with R for 13 years, and we are about to celebrate our 11th anniversary next week. I would say it's 10 out of 10 - we are each other's best friend, and we each still feel fortunate to have found the other.

I think the key to our success: mutual respect. We do not call each other names; we do not belittle one another. We have very aligned fundamental values, so we don't often disagree but when we do, we both are willing to make adjustments to find a middle ground we can both be happy with. We don't attack one another; neither one tries to "win" at the expense of the other. We are both problem solvers by nature, and we each feel the other's happiness is as important as our own.

If I had to pick one thing, that would be it. Even the most intense love can be eroded when partners don't treat each other well.

ETA: In replying 10 out of 10, I'm rating my/our happiness level, not implying that my marriage is perfect or has no room for improvement. No marriage is perfect, I think.....we all have our ups and downs. For me, the ups and downs are what strengthen the fabric of marriage.

Still, I couldn't imagine being happier than I am. We've built a wonderful life together, and I waited half my life to find the right guy. I still feel giddy at the sheer good luck we had in finally crossing paths, so yeah.......10.

Awwww, LOVE this. And anyone who has hung around with Alj knows it to be true!

 

[4ever]

Ridiculously happy. 10/10. Married 3 years. I think the key for us is always putting each other and our relationship first.

Honesty: I'm so happy I'm convinced I can't deserve it and something bad is just around the corner. I worry about one of us having an accident every day. We're also TTC so assuming that goes well and neither of us perish in a horrible car crash, I'm betting on the stress of parenthood f***ing it up for a bit.

 

[laylah]

Yes I do but it's my second marriage my first was horrible. I have 2 kids with special needs (adults). I regret not leaving earlier..28 long years. But yes I have a happy home and one of my kids is super close to my spouse I swear he loves her the most!

 

[GliderPoss]

Beautiful thread - so lovely to hear such heart-warming responses from everyone.

We will be married 9 years this December, together for 10 January 2016. I'd rate my marriage 9/10. As others have said before me - there are always up and downs and we too have had our share of rough patches but it's usually external influences/events that cause the hard times not him personally. Eg. money strain, time apart, job stress etc. I agree with Dancing Fire though that money & cheating certainly seem to be the biggest reason for failed marriages...

Lucky for me my husband is without doubt my best friend and I cannot imagine life without him! He is hysterically funny, intelligent, kind, generous almost to a fault and best of all he is mentally on the same page as me. We finish each others sentences and "mind-read" so much it's almost creepy! He's not perfect but neither am I, so overall I'm very happy and lucky to be with him. He brings the best out in me and I try my absolute best to return the favour by loving him & supporting him unconditionally.

 

[Jennifer W]

I'm giving my marriage 9.5 out of ten. That half point was deducted on account of him denting my very beautiful car today

 

[Sky56]

25 years. 9.5 - 10 The only time I am unhappy is when our styles of operation conflict. I'm a tortoise and he is a rabbit. He is fast, efficient and can do 5 things at once and is often in a hurry. I am slow, efficient and only feel comfortable doing one thing at a time. An example of us - He can be entering the store in the time I am unbuckling my seat belt. I can't stand feeling hurried or rushed, while he thrives on it. I like the indoors better than the outdoors and he is the opposite. Other than that, it's "perfection."

 

[PintoBean]

25 years. 9.5 - 10 The only time I am unhappy is when our styles of operation conflict. I'm a tortoise and he is a rabbit. He is fast, efficient and can do 5 things at once and is often in a hurry. I am slow, efficient and only feel comfortable doing one thing at a time. An example of us - He can be entering the store in the time I am unbuckling my seat belt. I can't stand feeling hurried or rushed, while he thrives on it. I like the indoors better than the outdoors and he is the opposite. Other than that, it's "perfection."

I love your description of your "styles"! I am borrowing it tonight. Sometimes DH feels "stupid" because he likes to work serially to my crazy manic parallel multitasking. He shouldn't... he just ticks differently from me. I am going to tell him that he is the tortoise to my hare.