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What about a wedding on Kauai?

luv2sparkle

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My daughter is getting married! Woohoo! Not only that, but she is marrying the son of my best friend! They have known each other since they were 7 years old. We moved out of town when DD was 14, so the kids rarely saw each other after that even though the parents got together on a regular basis. So we went to dinner a few weeks ago, and casually talked about getting the kids together just so they would have someone to hang out with and have some fun-and BOOM! It hit them both so very hard. I say, they are kids, but in reality they are 32 and 33 years old.

My daughter has been married before but this is Steve's first marriage. They want to be married on Kauai with just our two families. Has anyone ever got married there before? I would love some tips if you have them. My DD, myself and my BF are going to Kauai at the end of the month to check things out.

I would love to hear your stories and advice. Here is a photo of the happy couple.

img_7626.jpg
 

Gypsy

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No advice but I love Kauai! They are going to have a beautiful wedding. And congratulations on their engagement!
 

momhappy

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No advice her either, but congrats!!!!
 

stracci2000

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A beach wedding on the North shore--Hanalei Bay is so wonderful.
Quiet, peaceful and beautiful!
 

Calliecake

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Luv2sparkle, I have no advice but am thrilled for your daughter and your family! I remember you being nervous when they started dating. Things sure worked out wonderfully!!! Congratulations! Enjoy this happy time.
 

missy

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Ooh CONGRATULATIONS!!! You and your friends must be thrilled at the union of your daughter and their son. Wishing the happy couple all the best. :appl: I think a Kauai wedding sounds amazing and I hope you will come back here with pics!
 

cflutist

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Congratulations to the happy couple.
Kauai is a beautiful island (we spent part of our honeymoon there in Poipu at the Hyatt).
 

luv2sparkle

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Thank you everyone! We are very thrilled. Your right, Callicake, I was a little nervous. Only because they were moving so fast, but they are over 30 and have known each other for a very long time. To see them together is a wonderful thing. My BF tells me that Steve has done a 180 and she has never seen him so happy, and my daughter is unlearning all her ways of thinking about things after being married to a drug addict. She is not living in fear and distrust any more and it is a beautiful thing to see.

Stracci, I think Hanalei bay is beautiful from what I have seen in pictures. I mentioned it, but got vetoed. It was a little too quiet for my friend. I was a little bummed because we could have had a great deal at the St. Regis. My husbands work has a program and you get half price on the rooms there. We will have to go back by ourselves. Frankly, peaceful and quiet sounds amazing to me!

It is interesting, because although my BF and I have been friends for 25 years, this is a new level of intimacy that will take some grace. We have shared a lot of things but I know a lot more now of their families inner workings, if you will, and I am sure they know ours. But for the most part, I think it will be wonderful. Thank you for all your well wishes, I will come back with some photos of the wedding, and of course her ring, as soon as she gets it. Stevie wanted to go and find it himself, with no help from anyone. He said it was the one thing he could do for her and a special gift from him. My DD will love it no doubt no matter what. She told him what she wanted, which was a basic setting with round stones down the sides. His mom called her the other day and said 'What about baguettes?'. She called me and said, "Mom, what do I do? I don't want to sound like a brat!" I had to ask my DH, 'why on earth do men do that?'. She told him exactly what she wanted. You just have to laugh.

My friend has four boys and has never been able to be involved in any kind of wedding planning. So the three of us are doing this together.
She is very excited to be a part of all the fun. A little more than a week to go until we leave on our planning trip.

Hopefully, someone else here will have some tips for me!
 

azstonie

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Congratulations and they are an adorable couple!

I've had 2 'destination' weddings and my advice is to not assume an invitee won't the trip---I was shocked by how many people came to Alaska for mine. The simpler you keep things, the better things will go. Serve beverages as soon as possible that day, hee.
 

pandabee

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Catching up after being absent on PS for a while but I just went to Kauai last month with DH...LOVED it!!!! We were able to spend some time on all the different parts of the island. Poipu/the south shore is where we stayed. Koa Kea is a beautiful resort so that might be one that could accommodate a wedding. Hanalei Bay would be gorgeous also...close to where you can go hike or snorkel on the Na Pali coast which was my favorite part. We had a destination wedding too (not in Kauai) but I would recommend they look up either a concierge/wedding coordinator at the hotel if they choose to get married there, otherwise I think I did see some wedding planning websites while doing some research for our trip in Kauai. Best of luck to your DD - sounds like a wonderful love story!!
 

kenny

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luv2sparkle|1429141623|3862550 said:
They want to be married on Kauai with just our two families.

First, congratulations to the happy couple.
May they have long happy lives together.

Next I'm glad you limited it to the two families.

I think it's kinda rude, selfish and even narcissistic when people send wedding invitations to lots of friends for a travel wedding.
It's expensive, takes time away from work and can be a burden.
Then there's the pressure some invitees may feel to spend money and vacation time that they don't really have or wanted to use on themselves.

Worse, I've heard of sending invitations only to the friends they think can afford it.
Then of course the ones who didn't get an invitation feel hurt.

Even inviting only the two families I do hope every invited member of the family got in on the discussion and had a chance to say yay or nay prior to the invitations being sent.
IOW, I hope nobody found out about the idea when they opened their mail ... for all the reasons above.
Additionally, members may have different definitions of 'family'.
The four parents only?
Parents and siblings of the couple?
Aunts and uncles?
All four grandparents too?
Kids of aunts and uncles?
All the above for previous marriages?

Someone somewhere may feel left out.

Even if close family members have plenty of money and time it belongs to them, not me.

I realize I'm being a Debbie Downer, but nothing generates hurt feelings like weddings.
 

azstonie

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I disagree with you, Kenny, about invitations and weddings in other locations than the invitee lives.

Invitations are not orders or commands for the attendance of the recipient. (They also are not orders or commands for gift purchasing.)

The host/s of a wedding are aware that not all invitees will attend. We are aware that our wedding is not anyone else's priority, and that it takes money, effort and community to attend a wedding that is more than 30 minutes from where YOU live.

It was not narcissism or rudeness that prompted me to invite 20 people to Alaska to my wedding, it was love and friendship.I assumed NO ONE would care enough to attend. I was very aware that plane tickets cost money and not every invitee would want to spend money for plane and hotel in order to attend my wedding. I was pleasantly surprised that all but 2 invitees came to my wedding. i planned salmon/halibut fishing trips for them, whale watching, I chose a reception that would give them a substantial and high quality meal in a beautiful spot, I provided a nanny for children. I tasked the photographer with taking pictures of guests and attendants which I then had printed (LOL, years ago before digital) and framed and sent to the guests with their thank you notes.

I paid for the dresses of my attendants IN FULL, from fabric to seamstress. The groomsmen wore their own suits.

Where you live when you get married is not going to be where all of friends and family live. I know that if my small group of friends and even smaller family had not been invited, they would have been hurt.

It was one of the best moments of my life, seeing friends and family in the small chapel as I walked down the aisle. I will never forget it. They saved my wedding when my own parents wouldn't be bothered to show up to it on time to walk me down the aisle; the father of one of my high-school students (a bridesmaid) volunteered to walk me down the aisle when it was clear my parents weren't there. I would not have had that if I had wondered if I looked narcissistic for sending them invitations.

Not for one moment did I think of my wedding as being MY DAY or that it was about me or my fiance. We felt we were HOSTS, we were responsible for every guest and we wanted to take care of everyone AND show them a really good time too!

Its cynical and hard-bitten to receive an invitation to be with people on a milestone event and believe *they* are the narcissist. Its sad too.
 

telephone89

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Kauai is my absolute favourite hawaiian island! It will be so beautiful. We stayed at the Grand Hyatt kauai which was AMAZING and had a few beautiful places for a wedding. Keep in mind that all beaches in hawaii are public, so you cannot block them off or have a totally private wedding. People can walk right on through while they're saying their vows/taking photos/etc.

And i also disagree with Kenny. An invitation does not come with shackles and chains, it is a choice of any invitee to accept it. It's perfectly acceptable to not invite many people, its perfectly acceptable to invite everyone you know, so long as you plan for everyone to attend and host them properly. Anyways, that doesn't matter in this case. But congrats! That's so exciting.
 

telephone89

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azstonie|1432138746|3879067 said:
Invitations are not orders or commands for the attendance of the recipient. (They also are not orders or commands for gift purchasing.)


Not for one moment did I think of my wedding as being MY DAY or that it was about me or my fiance. We felt we were HOSTS, we were responsible for every guest and we wanted to take care of everyone AND show them a really good time too!
This is so refreshing to read. I am so tired of the dribble that certain websites tout now a days - its YOUR big day, do what YOU want, who cares if it makes your guests uncomfortable! I am very big on proper wedding ettiquite, and so many these days are terrible.
 

azstonie

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Hi telephone:

Glad to hear I'm not alone when it comes to hosting.

Sadly, my first marriage didn't make it BUT I've been married to my second husband for going on 20 years and when we decided to tie the knot, we eloped :lol: But when we returned from our elopement, we threw a kicka$$ party at our house, invited EVERYONE and their dogs, and it was the partay of the year :lickout:
 

kenny

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Of course an invitation is not a gun held to your head.
But some folks are more about seeking approval of others and less self confident.
They may stress out feeling (perhaps self-imposed) pressure.

The OP asked for our advice.
Naturally advice will vary and the OP will take what resonates and leave the rest.
I think it best to just be honest and not self-censor.

It's okay when people don't agree.
 

azstonie

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Assumed! :lol:
 

diamondseeker2006

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How exciting! :appl: Can't wait to follow the plans and eventually see the pictures! I hope they have a wonderful time during the process! When are they planning to get married?
 

distracts

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Fly into Honolulu rather than direct to Kauai. That way if there is a problem with your plane, you can at least get to Honolulu and transfer flights instead of being stuck in the Kauai airport, which has happened to almost everyone I know who goes there at some point or another.

I've stayed a couple times at Kauai Beach Resort in Lihue and recommend it highly. Great service, good food, fun evening entertainment. And when we were stuck in the airport and they sent us back to the hotel at 2 am without our luggage, they were extremely accommodating about getting us the basics including taking us to walmart in the morning so we could buy new underwear. Getting a place with a small kitchen would be good since then you could cook your own food. I can also recommend using Yelp to find restaurants, since sometimes it recommends nontouristy things that are cheaper.

There are some great waterfalls with rainbows and ALSO ABSOLUTELY DO A HELICOPTER TOUR. It was the most scenic helicopter tour I've ever been on.

There really isn't going to be anyplace on Kauai that ISN'T quiet - Lihue area may be least quiet, but everything still shuts down at night. If they want not quiet, any island that's not Kauai would be better.
 

luv2sparkle

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Thanks everyone for your responses! We went to Kauai and scouted out all the sights, and met with the wedding planner. We had a great time and found the locations. It is going to be at Na Aina Kai, which is a lovely botanical garden. When we first drove through the gates, I was sure it was NOT going to be a place my daughter liked. We all fell in love with the place. It has a perfect private beach, forests and lagoons with water falls. Here are a couple pics of where it is going to be.

The beach will be the location of some photos.
The ceremony will take place by the lagoon
The stairs are where Kellie will walk down with her dad.

img_8018.jpg

img_8019.jpg

img_8020.jpg
 

luv2sparkle

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Here are a couple more of the dress and the ring.

img_8022.jpg

img_8023.jpg
 

azstonie

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It all looks wonderful, from the wedding location to the gorgeous dress to the happy couple :appl:
 

kenny

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Looks absolutely beautiful! :love:
 

telephone89

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Wow that is a gorgeous place to get married!

Also - someone suggested the heli ride, which is awesome! We also did this combo tour - https://kauaiairtour.com/air-boat-combo-tour/ So you can do air & ocean sight seeing. A bit cheaper, and some folks were freaking out on the heli tour, so its a bit more stable.
 

luv2sparkle

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telephone89|1432227109|3879682 said:
Wow that is a gorgeous place to get married!

Also - someone suggested the heli ride, which is awesome! We also did this combo tour - https://kauaiairtour.com/air-boat-combo-tour/ So you can do air & ocean sight seeing. A bit cheaper, and some folks were freaking out on the heli tour, so its a bit more stable.[/quote

telephone, thank you! That looks awesome and we will definitely take that tour!
 

Calliecake

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azstonie|1432187547|3879482 said:
It all looks wonderful, from the wedding location to the gorgeous dress to the happy couple :appl:


Could not have said it any better. Your daughter looks so happy and beautiful Luv2sparkle.
 

pandabee

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Oh that looks so amazing!! The location and her dress. Congrats again to the happy couple and their happy families :)
 

luv2sparkle

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Thank you Calliecake and Pandabee! Thank you Kenny, and Azstonie!
 

DiamondsOnly

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Congrats to the happy couple!! And what a great choice...Kauai! My husband and I honeymooned on Kauai for 2 weeks and stayed in Princeville. What an amazing beautiful island!!!

The wedding spot looks amazing and that dress..beautiful!

Best wishes! :)
 

Candygrl

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Looks amazing!!!! :love:
 
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