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Wedding gift etiquette - no reception

hoover

Shiny_Rock
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Oct 15, 2011
Messages
355
I've been invited to celebrate the union of a couple... They are holding multiple ceremonies, one at home and two as part of a destination wedding where guests paid $2000+ for the all-inclusive package to attend/celebrate with them. The wedding ceremony at home will not have a reception.

I'm at a loss as to how much to give as a wedding gift because I've already gone to her stagette in Vegas, given a nice shower gift and I will be going to Mexico for the ceremonies there too. I feel like I need to give a gift still without looking cheap. Do I at least give the same dollar value as the shower gift? Normally I at least cover my plate plus extra but in this case I covered my own plate by paying for my trip to their destination wedding, and there is no plate to cover at home since there is no reception... I've already spent more on celebrating my friend's marriage than I really wanted to, but I felt obligated to because of her difficult family situation (not supportive of this marriage since they are different religions) and I've known her since we were kids.

How much do you think would be appropriate?
 

dk168

Super_Ideal_Rock
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As mentioned in another thread, my default wedding gift is a sterling silver picture frame, and how much I would spend on one is dependent upon my relationship with the bride or groom or both, as in I would spend more if he/she/they are very good friends.

If the friend is a true friend, then IMHO, he/she would appreciate your gift whatever it may be, as it is the thought that counts.

DK :))
 

telephone89

Ideal_Rock
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Wtf? Why do they need 3 ceremonies? Unless it's some religious thing, they must think very highly of themselves. That's all I will say, because I could rant for hours about this sort of sh!$...

Anyways, I would only get ONE gift, for their ONE marriage. Bring a card to the others if you wish. I would still give something even though you paid your $2k to attend - that is your choice. Probably just $100 cash or something off their registry.
 

blackprophet

Brilliant_Rock
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Mar 13, 2013
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531
I always thought presence at a destination wedding was the gift.
People who don't go usually give gifts. in lieu of their attendance.
Looks like you are in the $3000+ range just on wedding events, I think they will understand if you don't give a gift. You've given a lot already. That more than covers your meal (which is technically included in your stay at the hotel)
That's how I look at it any ways. I'm not expecting gift from anyone, especially the people travelling.

Did the invite not indicate how they are handling gifts? I think they would want to remove that ambiguity.
 

amc80

Ideal_Rock
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blackprophet|1431109284|3874104 said:
I always thought presence at a destination wedding was the gift.
People who don't go usually give gifts. in lieu of their attendance.
Looks like you are in the $3000+ range just on wedding events, I think they will understand if you don't give a gift. You've given a lot already. That more than covers your meal (which is technically included in your stay at the hotel)
That's how I look at it any ways. I'm not expecting gift from anyone, especially the people travelling.

Did the invite not indicate how they are handling gifts? I think they would want to remove that ambiguity.

This. We had a destination wedding and didn't even register. When people asked what we wanted, we just said "for you to come to our wedding." We didn't have showers or any other parties, for that matter. I can't stand how most parties now just seem like gift grabs, whether for a wedding, engagement, baby, etc.

Personally, I would give a card. Maybe something small (<$50) as a token.
 

aviastar

Brilliant_Rock
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Oct 5, 2010
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1,190
One marriage, one gift. You're covered, so don't worry about another gift.
 

ckrickett

Ideal_Rock
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Jul 26, 2008
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5,346
IMHO If YOU feel you want to give them a gift (which it seems like you do) then you should. But you should not have to go all out or even what you might would have done if they had not had a destination wedding and was a traditional ceremony and reception that the couple pays for.

I'd say rather then worry about a fixed amount, maybe get them something sentimental, or something they can use right away? Will they be staying at the destination longer, can you buy them a dinner at a great restaurant there? Maybe a nice glass of wine to share on their honeymoon? Something unique to that location as a sentimental reminder of the days events?

I wouldn't worry about going all out but a little something may be nice, and make you feel comfortable about giving them a gift.
 

telephone89

Ideal_Rock
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blackprophet|1431109284|3874104 said:
I always thought presence at a destination wedding was the gift.
People who don't go usually give gifts. in lieu of their attendance.
Looks like you are in the $3000+ range just on wedding events, I think they will understand if you don't give a gift. You've given a lot already. That more than covers your meal (which is technically included in your stay at the hotel)
That's how I look at it any ways. I'm not expecting gift from anyone, especially the people travelling.

Did the invite not indicate how they are handling gifts? I think they would want to remove that ambiguity.
It can be seen as very rude to write anything about gifts, as they should not be expected. Even saying 'no gifts please' tends to rub people the wrong way because it looks like you WERE expecting them, but choose to turn them down. If that makes sense. lol.
 

hoover

Shiny_Rock
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Oct 15, 2011
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355
Thanks for the advice guys... It's 3 ceremonies because she wanted two Indian (one at home and one in Mexico) and one catholic (in Mexico). There wasn't anything mentioned on the invitation about gifts.
I guess I felt obligated to give/do more because I feel bad for her (her parents disowned her when she told them he is of a different culture/religion).
I'm very thankful that I'm not a bridesmaid - they paid out way more money than I did because they're pitching in for more events/activities and they had to buy saris in addition to their bridesmaid dresses and shoes.
 

ckrickett

Ideal_Rock
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Jul 26, 2008
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hoover|1431122586|3874215 said:
Thanks for the advice guys... It's 3 ceremonies because she wanted two Indian (one at home and one in Mexico) and one catholic (in Mexico). There wasn't anything mentioned on the invitation about gifts.
I guess I felt obligated to give/do more because I feel bad for her (her parents disowned her when she told them he is of a different culture/religion).
I'm very thankful that I'm not a bridesmaid - they paid out way more money than I did because they're pitching in for more events/activities and they had to buy saris in addition to their bridesmaid dresses and shoes.

I would give a gift if I were you. But again that is me (I am told I am a very eager gift giver).
 

Gypsy

Super_Ideal_Rock
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40,225
I'd do a nice picture frame, or a donation to a cause in their name.
 

maccers

Brilliant_Rock
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Sep 19, 2012
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1,167
Like amc, we had a destination wedding and we did not register anywhere and we definitely did not expect gifts. I was just thrilled that people came to our wedding. That was more than enough. New friendships formed bc of the destination wedding (spending a week together will do that), our families are much closer together as are our friends.

We were going to put on our invitations that gifts were unnecessary and that their attendance was enough but then I read that telling guests to not bring gifts was rude! So when anyone asked if we were registered anywhere or needed anything, we said no, we are just happy that you're going to be there. You could ask them if they are registered anywhere and see how they respond. And, of course, if You feel you absolutely must give something then a small token is sufficient.
 

azstonie

Ideal_Rock
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Something small in cost but sentimental.
 

kenny

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Don't worry about etiquette.
Look inside yourself to find out what you want to do.
Then do that and don't look back or second guess yourself.

So many who 'follow etiquette' post their bitterness and resentment here.
Why do people pay attention to others but not to themselves?

:nono:
 
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