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Another "What Would You Do?" Thread (Racism)

House Cat

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Today my cousin put up an incredibly racist meme on facebook. The comments that followed were so horrendous, I was left in sad disbelief. I really had no idea people even thought this way anymore, let alone would actually put those thoughts into words, then type them out in such a public forum as facebook. He, his friends, and his girlfriend weren't trying to hide the fact that they felt this way either, they were/are proud.

At one point, I had a very long comment written out about how a high school or entry-level college history class would teach them a thing or two about slavery, abolition, and civil rights. I explained many things that would argue against the crude things they were saying, but then I didn't send.

I have to admit that I felt I wouldn't get through to them.

And if I had to be even more honest, I was afraid. If they are willing to be this disgusting in public, how will they treat me when I respond? How will they treat me when I see them in person?

I have read again and again that it is our duty to call out racism for what it is and try to educate the racists among us. I really feel OBLIGATED to say SOMETHING.

So what would you do?
 

Gypsy

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I'd say something and I wouldn't give a rats arse what anyone said about me behind my back or to my face as a result of it.

But then, if you know me at all, that answer doesn't surprise you.

My SIL posted something incredibly ignorant the other day. I replied to her post with "that is inaccurate to the point of ignorance."

I call them like I see them. Sometimes it's not about getting through to the other person. It's about standing up for what's right. Besides, you may not get through to them, but maybe you will to someone else on that thread. Or maybe you will down the line. You never know. What you DO know is if you DON'T post you 100% will not have a positive effect.

My motto is below. If I alienate some ignorant BLEEP that I have the misfortune to share blood with, so be it.

3ac673fb8cdbc28a15cb379a008bc216.jpg
 

missy

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I agree with Gyspy. If we turn a blind eye when bad things are happening we are guilty too. Remember that famous ‎Martin Niemöller quote.

We are all in this together and cannot let ignorance and evil prevail.

Gypsy I love your motto. And I feel the same way.
 

Gypsy

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missy|1430267660|3869334 said:
I agree with Gyspy. If we turn a blind eye when bad things are happening we are guilty too. Remember that famous ‎Martin Niemöller quote.

We are all in this together and cannot let ignorance and evil prevail.

Gypsy I love your motto. And I feel the same way.

That's exactly how I feel Missy.

As for friends. Yup. I only need genuine and sincere people in my life.

Honestly, I've had people 'unfriend' me on facebook because I objected to some stupid thing they posted. I just laughed and said good riddance. And yes, some of them have been family. Or law school friends. Or whatever. you outgrow people. And just like those jeans you are never gonna fit into again, they sit around cluttering up your life... might as well say goodbye to them.
 

momhappy

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I actually had a similar scenario on FB today. Someone posted something (racial) that was inaccurate and I typed a response, but opted not to post. It's not worth it. Personally, it seems that I need to learn to bit my tongue these days. Having said that, you should do what feels right for you, House Cat. If you feel obligated to say something, then follow your gut and do what you feel is appropriate:) I'm sorry that you're dealing with this:(
 

rainydaze

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Gypsy|1430268014|3869342 said:
missy|1430267660|3869334 said:
I agree with Gyspy. If we turn a blind eye when bad things are happening we are guilty too. Remember that famous ‎Martin Niemöller quote.

We are all in this together and cannot let ignorance and evil prevail.

Gypsy I love your motto. And I feel the same way.

That's exactly how I feel Missy.

As for friends. Yup. I only need genuine and sincere people in my life.

Honestly, I've had people 'unfriend' me on facebook because I objected to some stupid thing they posted. I just laughed and said good riddance. And yes, some of them have been family. Or law school friends. Or whatever. you outgrow people. And just like those jeans you are never gonna fit into again, they sit around cluttering up your life... might as well say goodbye to them.

LOVE this Gypsy! Love it!

I know it can be hard to be the person who makes the comment you were about to, House Cat, especially if you are the first to do it. But if you can muster up the courage, you may reach someone else who reads your comment and walks away better than before... even if it sadly doesn't affect your cousin. You may not know you changed someone's mindset for the better if they're just reading and not part of the conversation, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen. It's worth it then, right?

Not to mention, there must be (hopefully are!) others of sound mind like you who will follow you, and you could trend that 'conversation' in a new direction. Right now their fire is being fueled by the commiseration, but if the wind turns they might take notice.
 

movie zombie

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if I were a facebook participant and if I had a relative who did this, well, no surprise here, i'm in the Gypsy camp: i'd post some links encouraging him to read so that perhaps he'd not be so ignorant of history AND i'd unfriend him 'cause at the end of the day I have no use for such people IRL or on the internet regardless if family or not. blood is not thicker than water and the Civil War pretty much proved that.
 

Calliecake

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I'm also sitting in the Gypsy camp. I have a relative who is extremely racist. I'm not one for confrontation but there is no way I can stay silent. Many arguments have been had. I called him a racist once and he and his family were so offended. I find it incredibly sad that his children have grown up feeling the same way.
 

blackprophet

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This has happened to me recently as well. I decided not to post because it was someone I didn't know. I only saw the post because one of my friends posted on the post saying something similar to what I would've said, so I let it slide.

If it was someone that I knew, I would've posted.

I remember someone posing something on here that was extremely racist, and I didn't respond because I didn't know that person well, and I wasn't sure if they were being racist. Other posters called them out for it.

I feel like racism should be called out when you see it. But that is part my upbringing, part the fact that I am a 6' black man who gets followed in stores in business attire. I just have to deal with it a lot more.
 

aviastar

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I struggle with this on FB, specifically. I have absolutely zero problem saying something face to face, because it can be a real conversation and I know my intentions come across better with the spoken word.

I just hate, hate, hate FB as a forum for honest to goodness conversation; I truly don't believe it is an effective medium for discourse. Too short a space for actual arguments to be constructed, potential for such pile ons and misunderstandings, too many directions and not very focused discussion.

But does my dislike of the medium absolve my responsibility to stand up against what I feel is abhorrent ideology or behavior? Probably not...

It's a problem I have 'solved' largely by refusing to be very active on FB at all and doing my best to confront what I encounter in my real life as best as I can. I absolutely unfriend or unfollow people whose posts are distasteful to me for any reason- I don't need that in my life.
 

kgizo

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This is what I saw posted on FB today and I think it's timely to your question. When I have been in a similar situation I sent a PM to the person telling them that I am unfriending them and why. Like the poster above, I don't think you can have a good discussion about serious issues in a forum like FB.

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momhappy

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I agree with those who have said the FB is not a good platform for productive dialogue (especially when it comes to sensitive topics like race, politics, religion, etc.). It doesn't matter how thoughtfully written your post, how eloquent, how well-intended - it typically falls on deaf ears and more often than not, starts a sh*t storm of commentary. Again, though, this is just my personal experience, and others should certainly do what they feel is right:)
 

hlmr

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Be true to yourself. Say what is in your heart. Speaking up against bigotry is always the right thing to do (no matter what the venue).
 

missy

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hlmr|1430365095|3869938 said:
Be true to yourself. Say what is in your heart. Speaking up against bigotry is always the right thing to do (no matter what the venue).

I agree completely. If we always waited for the "right" time or the "right' place we would rarely speak out against anything wrong and unjust. Issues like these are never comfortable nor should one allow them to be IMO. We must always fight against injustice no matter when or where.

Gypsy, with you on the friends thing too. I only want to be with people who are sincere and real and supportive. I don't want any frenemies in my life and don't need to have that saying "with friends like these who needs enemies" apply to anyone in my life.
 

House Cat

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Well it has just gotten worse, WAY WORSE. I have decided that I am going to say something, I just don't know what. I vacillate between rage and disgust and whenever I begin to formulate a response, I end up cussing him out.

Cussing him out won't do any good. :wall:


Hopefully I will get my head together this afternoon.

All of you have really encouraged me to search my heart on this matter. Thank you.
 

smitcompton

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Hi,

I think facebook may have a policy on that. Recently, I think they said they will not allow certain types of posts. Maybe you could check with them. Once, I contacted Yahoo for loads of terrible comments on a financial site. It stopped for awhile, but has come back. I've given up on that site.

Zuckerman is a very concerned guy, so I'd check with them.

Why not just simply say, "I don't agree with what has been said.", and leave it at that.


Annette
 

momhappy

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House Cat|1430400351|3870044 said:
Well it has just gotten worse, WAY WORSE. I have decided that I am going to say something, I just don't know what. I vacillate between rage and disgust and whenever I begin to formulate a response, I end up cussing him out.

Cussing him out won't do any good. :wall:


Hopefully I will get my head together this afternoon.

All of you have really encouraged me to search my heart on this matter. Thank you.

I'm sure that you'll think of the right things to say, House Cat and I wish you the best with your situation.

For what it's worth, I just wanted to mention that the "right" thing to do can vary from person to person. What feels right for some, may not for another, so everyone should do what makes them feel comfortable. I do not believe that people should feel obligated to make choices based on what is perceived as right or wrong - they should make choices that feel right to them.
 

Gypsy

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I don't think the doing the 'right thing' is a matter of doing 'what feels right to you.'

Those are two very different things in my mind.

I believe in many cases, especially in ones like racism, there is an absolute right and wrong. What does that mean? Unless it exposes you to a real threat of harm, then you speak up. Not when you feel like it. Not when it is convenient. Rather ESPECIALLY when you don't feel like it or when it is inconvenient.

I think 'what feels right for you' is a way of abdicating the responsibility we all have to 'do the right thing.'

I don't have ANY desire to get into it with you momhappy. You and I do not see eye to eye at all, in general, but I believe the right thing to do was to post this. Because I don't agree with you.
 

telephone89

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I usually try to respond with a news article, or something factual to disprove/try to show the right way to do something.

Do you mind sharing what they posted? I'd be happy to help you find something. TBH i find something short and sweet will get across better than a long novel. But I do agree that I would absolutely say something.

eta - this is the stuff i like to post along with an article lol.
https://scontent-iad.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xaf1/v/t1.0-9/22126_10153383164846614_2408575768572410585_n.jpg?oh=15119eb8f397b8491eb851d43959c34c&oe=55C9EAA0
 

momhappy

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Gypsy|1430414423|3870146 said:
I don't think the doing the 'right thing' is a matter of doing 'what feels right to you.'

Those are two very different things in my mind.

I believe in many cases, especially in ones like racism, there is an absolute right and wrong. What does that mean? Unless it exposes you to a real threat of harm, then you speak up. Not when you feel like it. Not when it is convenient. Rather ESPECIALLY when you don't feel like it or when it is inconvenient.

I think 'what feels right for you' is a way of abdicating the responsibility we all have to 'do the right thing.'

I don't have ANY desire to get into it with you momhappy. You and I do not see eye to eye at all, in general, but I believe the right thing to do was to post this. Because I don't agree with you.

I was referring to certain aspects of right and wrong. In this specific example, I don't think that it's necessarily the "right" thing to do to engage in racist dialogue on FB (because I don't feel that it's the right platform). I don't disagree that we should speak up against racism (or other important topics), but the when, the how, etc. should be handled as each individual sees fit. My point was that I don't think that someone should feel obligated to post things on FB because others might feel that it's the right thing to do. If they are comfortable doing so, then great, if not, I'm okay with that too. There are lots of circumstances in life that sometimes prevent us from saying what we truly feel and it can make a big difference in how our message is heard, how it's received, how it's perceived, etc.
And I'm sorry that you feel that by disagreeing with me, gypsy, that you'll "get into it" with me (although, I'm not really sure what you meant by that :confused: ). I'm fine with disagreement and I appreciate your posts. I was not aware that my posts may have seemed confrontational and I apologize if you perceived it that way.
 

House Cat

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Well, I have started a dialogue. We will see how it goes.

I would be banned from Pricescope if I posted any of the memes that my cousin posted on his FB.
 

momhappy

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It's good that you did what felt right to you, House Cat - like I said before, I'm sure that you handled it appropriately. Again, Im sorry that you had to deal with that and I hope that it goes well for you:)
 

Amber St. Clare

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I just want to add my experience with dealing with what I perceive with "racism", or at the very least inappropriate words. I worked in a high school for 6 years. There was a LOT of casual use of the N word and the C word for women/girls. I started out by asking the offenders" not to use these word around me, I found them offensive. The use persisted so I started writing them up and sending them to Affirmative Action. Some students more than once. Finally I was called down and told to drop the matter, this is how the young people spoke today AND I HAD TO GET OVER IT. So I m not surprised at the filth that gets posted on a routine basis.
 
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