VAPID Lapid, Yo
- Thread starter iLander
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VapidLapid
Ideal_Rock
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Thank you iLander. It is very sweet of you.
Things aren't so good here. ever since the surgery SO's eye has been swollen three times the size and pointing in the wrong direction, so she has at least double vision, and that is affecting her mental state. Last week she asked me to kill her. A difficult patient, she has refused to go to a doctor about it, saying it needs time to heal. How one would cancel the other is unknown to me, but these days she is hostile to logic and rational thought. I believe the cause of this was a mistake of the aenesthesiologist when he was intubating her, that he knicked a spot by the eye and did some small physical trauma. She is also smoking, nay, vapeing too much pot and hash. She has convinced herself that the cancer is spreading though the pet scans show stable and actually some shrinking. She has also convinced herself that a huge lump she had on her head a few years ago from hitting her head on the subway car pole, was cancer and that it went through her skull into her brain. The pet scans show the skull to be intact and no hypermetabolism around the skull, in the skull, or in the brain. Something, however, must be going on as she is crying and whimpering ALL the time, but when I ask she says it is nothing, just an ache or such. She is always nauseous and throws up every day, I think because she has worked herself into a manic panic and can't get back from it. We see the oncologist tomorrow so that may help. also it is time for new scans so we will find out if there has been any change. She said the other day that we have to get married for estate reasons, which is true. All in all, things are wretched here, with a lot of retching.
Things aren't so good here. ever since the surgery SO's eye has been swollen three times the size and pointing in the wrong direction, so she has at least double vision, and that is affecting her mental state. Last week she asked me to kill her. A difficult patient, she has refused to go to a doctor about it, saying it needs time to heal. How one would cancel the other is unknown to me, but these days she is hostile to logic and rational thought. I believe the cause of this was a mistake of the aenesthesiologist when he was intubating her, that he knicked a spot by the eye and did some small physical trauma. She is also smoking, nay, vapeing too much pot and hash. She has convinced herself that the cancer is spreading though the pet scans show stable and actually some shrinking. She has also convinced herself that a huge lump she had on her head a few years ago from hitting her head on the subway car pole, was cancer and that it went through her skull into her brain. The pet scans show the skull to be intact and no hypermetabolism around the skull, in the skull, or in the brain. Something, however, must be going on as she is crying and whimpering ALL the time, but when I ask she says it is nothing, just an ache or such. She is always nauseous and throws up every day, I think because she has worked herself into a manic panic and can't get back from it. We see the oncologist tomorrow so that may help. also it is time for new scans so we will find out if there has been any change. She said the other day that we have to get married for estate reasons, which is true. All in all, things are wretched here, with a lot of retching.
iLander
Ideal_Rock
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Just saw this. 
Sounds like you need to check her meds. I have that reaction (crying, weeping, depression, not nausea) to morphine, codeine, percodan and percocet. Sometimes right away, sometimes after a while. The only thing that doesn't push me over the edge is demerol, and it works great for me when I have had major pain (in the past). It is definitely a meds issue. Call the doc. Just do it for me.
Don't let them give her anything with Tylenol (acetaminophen) in it, it'll damage the kidneys/liver. Could the hash be making her paranoid too? I would go to your pharmacist and have a sit-down consult if you can't get to your doc.
Oh, VL, this is so hard. I kinda felt some vibes, so I wanted to touch base. This is the hardest thing, and everything is hard right now. It's a suckfest (trying to make light).
I wonder if the eye thing is fluid buildup or an infection? At least call the dental surgeon, the eye is connected through the sinuses. There could be an abcess that needs to be drained.
Is there anyone that can step in for a couple of hours, to give you a rest? Can you borrow a friend's dog for a while, to distract you both? Something to give you both something else to think about.
I have a feeling it will get better the middle of next week for some reason . . .
When you're going through hell, just keep going.
Please let me know how it's going. Big hugs to you both.
Sounds like you need to check her meds. I have that reaction (crying, weeping, depression, not nausea) to morphine, codeine, percodan and percocet. Sometimes right away, sometimes after a while. The only thing that doesn't push me over the edge is demerol, and it works great for me when I have had major pain (in the past). It is definitely a meds issue. Call the doc. Just do it for me.
Don't let them give her anything with Tylenol (acetaminophen) in it, it'll damage the kidneys/liver. Could the hash be making her paranoid too? I would go to your pharmacist and have a sit-down consult if you can't get to your doc. Oh, VL, this is so hard. I kinda felt some vibes, so I wanted to touch base. This is the hardest thing, and everything is hard right now. It's a suckfest (trying to make light).
I wonder if the eye thing is fluid buildup or an infection? At least call the dental surgeon, the eye is connected through the sinuses. There could be an abcess that needs to be drained.
Is there anyone that can step in for a couple of hours, to give you a rest? Can you borrow a friend's dog for a while, to distract you both? Something to give you both something else to think about.
I have a feeling it will get better the middle of next week for some reason . . .
When you're going through hell, just keep going.
Please let me know how it's going. Big hugs to you both.
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Ooh, so very sorry VL, I did not know this was going on. Health is the most important thing and it is so hard once that is compromised. This is a really trying situation and please do not let her give up the fight, I am crossing all fingers and toes that you conquer this together. I would say that some bling fix would be in order for her but she probably cannot focus on anything like that yet.
I will try to search your threads to see if you tell us more about the background of what was found and what will be done or if it was not said before, would you mind sharing?
I am sure that many of us here would really like to support you both in this battle. I will be thinking of you. Healing dust sent your way.
I will try to search your threads to see if you tell us more about the background of what was found and what will be done or if it was not said before, would you mind sharing?
I am sure that many of us here would really like to support you both in this battle. I will be thinking of you. Healing dust sent your way.
VapidLapid
Ideal_Rock
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ugh
I got home at three this mornign from the hospital. oh it is a long story and best untold. first stop this morning was the oncologist for the 28 say check in and treatment (fulvestrant, and this ti me, first since december, prolia. She characterized the eye as either a sty (no way) or cellulitis. Her recommendation was to go to eye ear nose throat... I decided why dither? (am I reallly chosing my language to be unoffensive? **** **** ****! Ban me if you have to, I can take it. SHe has a 25mcg fentanyl patch on so she is out of it. I havent yet told her the extent of what is goign on. she in now in the SICU (surgical intensive are unit) waiting the results of mri. CAT showed the sty is actually metastases in the occipital bone pushing the eye out and pressing on the brain. I was introduced to a team of neurosurgeons who I will meet with again in the morning. Before the week is out they will do some sort of remedial brain surgery. I haven't slept or et in two days. I t hrew a fit in the ER after we had been there for 5 hours, two nurses or whatever had failed to install am IV, blowing out the veins and just hurting her. no water no food no explanations meanwhile she is dehydrating and t hey want to take more blood. Waiting and waiting for the CAT scan, finally I hear the nurse tell the assistant to get a wheel chair and take the lady in 9a to cat scan. she comes back with chair and takes the lady in 9B, who is a crack addict with hiv and prego. I try to tell he that she may have ethe wrong patient, she tells me she knows her job and I dont and taled the poor girl for testing that is not hers.
I then went to the nurse and said hey we would like to have our cat scan too and we have been here hours longer than the young lady who just went.
she say to me that she just sent the PC to get a wheelchair and take SO and I told her she did that and took the wrong person. NO Apology. eventually they fixed, took SO and when we got to CAT wrong person was told top go back from whence. so we got through that, th ough the tecj was a brute and the IV port was not right and he had to send for a nurse as it was leaking....then we went back to ER and waited two hours. then I had a fit. I told them there was a conspiracy of incompetence at work and that after all this pain and failure to get the IV installed, she still had no hydration or antibiotic, let alone a room in the works or a meal. Further the guy in the curtained area next to us STANK like a crack head who hadn't bathed since 2004 and was loudly mumbling in a schizophrenic idiom.
I probably owe you more info but I need my hour of sleep and I am crashing hard
I got home at three this mornign from the hospital. oh it is a long story and best untold. first stop this morning was the oncologist for the 28 say check in and treatment (fulvestrant, and this ti me, first since december, prolia. She characterized the eye as either a sty (no way) or cellulitis. Her recommendation was to go to eye ear nose throat... I decided why dither? (am I reallly chosing my language to be unoffensive? **** **** ****! Ban me if you have to, I can take it. SHe has a 25mcg fentanyl patch on so she is out of it. I havent yet told her the extent of what is goign on. she in now in the SICU (surgical intensive are unit) waiting the results of mri. CAT showed the sty is actually metastases in the occipital bone pushing the eye out and pressing on the brain. I was introduced to a team of neurosurgeons who I will meet with again in the morning. Before the week is out they will do some sort of remedial brain surgery. I haven't slept or et in two days. I t hrew a fit in the ER after we had been there for 5 hours, two nurses or whatever had failed to install am IV, blowing out the veins and just hurting her. no water no food no explanations meanwhile she is dehydrating and t hey want to take more blood. Waiting and waiting for the CAT scan, finally I hear the nurse tell the assistant to get a wheel chair and take the lady in 9a to cat scan. she comes back with chair and takes the lady in 9B, who is a crack addict with hiv and prego. I try to tell he that she may have ethe wrong patient, she tells me she knows her job and I dont and taled the poor girl for testing that is not hers.
I then went to the nurse and said hey we would like to have our cat scan too and we have been here hours longer than the young lady who just went.
she say to me that she just sent the PC to get a wheelchair and take SO and I told her she did that and took the wrong person. NO Apology. eventually they fixed, took SO and when we got to CAT wrong person was told top go back from whence. so we got through that, th ough the tecj was a brute and the IV port was not right and he had to send for a nurse as it was leaking....then we went back to ER and waited two hours. then I had a fit. I told them there was a conspiracy of incompetence at work and that after all this pain and failure to get the IV installed, she still had no hydration or antibiotic, let alone a room in the works or a meal. Further the guy in the curtained area next to us STANK like a crack head who hadn't bathed since 2004 and was loudly mumbling in a schizophrenic idiom.
I probably owe you more info but I need my hour of sleep and I am crashing hard
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Vapid, I am so upset for you and your SO and so very sorry about what is happening. I am keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers and sending all the PS ***DUST*** I have to your dear SO. This is awful and the fact that some of the people attending to her seem incompetent or careless or even worse indifferent is unacceptable.
I hope you can get some sleep. You need to take care of yourself so you can take care of your SO but I know that is not easy with all that is happening. Sending healing vibes and hugs to your SO and hugs to you.
I hope you can get some sleep. You need to take care of yourself so you can take care of your SO but I know that is not easy with all that is happening. Sending healing vibes and hugs to your SO and hugs to you.
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VL, I am so sorry for all you and SO are going through, and for your experience at the hospital. I can empathize with you, my brother and I had a similar ER experience in August with my mother when she was hospitalized twice in a week. It was bad. We ended up buying her water and food in the cafeteria while we waited many hours in that little room. Stressful doesn't begin to cover it.
Keeping both of you in my thoughts - please try to take care of yourself, try to get some rest and force yourself it eat something if you can. I worry about you, and I hope you have some kind of support system - I feel like you are on your own in dealing with all of this, and that's really tough. Again, I'm just so sorry about this.
Keeping both of you in my thoughts - please try to take care of yourself, try to get some rest and force yourself it eat something if you can. I worry about you, and I hope you have some kind of support system - I feel like you are on your own in dealing with all of this, and that's really tough. Again, I'm just so sorry about this.
VapidLapid
Ideal_Rock
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they just told me that there is a very large, fast growing mass in the skull ranging from the temporal lobe up behind the right eye. it is the size of a peach. we are waiting for an mri which will give the neurosurgeons a clearer idea of where, and how entangled it is. surgery tomorrow.
iLander
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VapidLapid said:
Jesus Christ, VL.
First the ER shi† show and now this. Damnit. Sending you both all my sympathy, best wishes, dust, everything. I am praying hard for your SO.
Hold on as best you can, my friend. Just hold the h@ll on . . .
Breathe . . . go slow . . . just hold on . . .
Hugs to you both.
VL, I am so sorry you and your SO are going through all of this. Please know I'll be thinking of both of you tomorrow. Please take care of yourself. You said you're not eating or sleeping. I'm worried you're running on shear adrenalin right now and will collapse at any moment. I know it can be hard to eat when under such severe stress but maybe just a bite or two of a granola bar every once in a while or have a smoothie or milkshake handy to have a few sips to keep your blood sugar from dropping. I hope you're able to get some sleep tonight as I know tomorrow will be a long and difficult day. Dust to both of you!
peachster
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VapidLapid, I know how terrible it is to have someone you love go through unendurable challenging medical issues, and there isn't much I can say except sending hope and wishes, and take care of yourself as best you can. Your significant other is so fortunate to have your love, because that is the only thing to hold onto for her and for you. I've been through this with someone, seven brain surgeries and three times trying a course of radiation treatments. All you can do is try and all you can do is care.
Oh, VL. What can I say? Before I signed up - when I lurked - my heart clenched when I saw that your SO had Stage IV breast cancer, because I know the journey, although it is different for everyone. I am so, so sorry that you're both having such a hard time. At least you know now why your SO has been in such a state. I am so glad that she is in hospital now and can be treated for her symptoms as well as getting the surgery.
Not everyone can be a caregiver, you know. What you're doing is special, and often thankless - which makes it all the more special. Think what an amazing gift you are giving another human being, caring for them during the worst times of their life. It is not that uncommon for a partner to abandon an SO who has cancer, or for relationships and marriages to break up over it - ask any oncologist. But you are sticking it out like a hero. And it's such a private pain. Unless you've traveled the same road, friends, family, acquaintances have no idea - but no idea - what it really entails or how bad it can get. The breast cancer campaigns only trumpet their 5-year stats, not their 10,15, 25 year stats, which are much, much worse. So people think that breast cancer isn't so bad, and in turn, I feel that this denies patients and caregiver vital support. So if you're feeling alone, VL, it's not your imagination. Breast cancer is a lonely road, for both patients and their loved ones.
Oh, what I wouldn't give to be able to take your burden away for just five minutes. My heart truly goes out to you. It is completely unfair and it pushes us way past our breaking point. I've lost three relatives to Stage IV breast cancer, and after one of them - my favorite - I basically had a bit of a collapse. I thought I'd never have any energy again. I slept day and night, for months. So if you feel as if you're on your last legs, VL, and can't take anymore, perhaps you'll take comfort from the fact that others have felt as tired and broken-hearted and wretched as you do now because of breast cancer, but were able to take pleasure in life again at some point.
Holding you in my thoughts tonight.
Jambalaya xxxxx
Not everyone can be a caregiver, you know. What you're doing is special, and often thankless - which makes it all the more special. Think what an amazing gift you are giving another human being, caring for them during the worst times of their life. It is not that uncommon for a partner to abandon an SO who has cancer, or for relationships and marriages to break up over it - ask any oncologist. But you are sticking it out like a hero. And it's such a private pain. Unless you've traveled the same road, friends, family, acquaintances have no idea - but no idea - what it really entails or how bad it can get. The breast cancer campaigns only trumpet their 5-year stats, not their 10,15, 25 year stats, which are much, much worse. So people think that breast cancer isn't so bad, and in turn, I feel that this denies patients and caregiver vital support. So if you're feeling alone, VL, it's not your imagination. Breast cancer is a lonely road, for both patients and their loved ones.
Oh, what I wouldn't give to be able to take your burden away for just five minutes. My heart truly goes out to you. It is completely unfair and it pushes us way past our breaking point. I've lost three relatives to Stage IV breast cancer, and after one of them - my favorite - I basically had a bit of a collapse. I thought I'd never have any energy again. I slept day and night, for months. So if you feel as if you're on your last legs, VL, and can't take anymore, perhaps you'll take comfort from the fact that others have felt as tired and broken-hearted and wretched as you do now because of breast cancer, but were able to take pleasure in life again at some point.
Holding you in my thoughts tonight.
Jambalaya xxxxx
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VL, I am so so sorry for all you and your SO are going through. I'm keeping both of you in my thoughts and prayers. I wish there was something I could do to help you. Hugs.
Jambalaya, your post was very touching - brought tears to my eyes. It does take a special person to be a caregiver. And it's true, unless you've been through it it's hard to understand. The circumstances of a sick loved one may be different but the love and intent of the caregiver is the same. I lurked for quite a while before I joined Pricescope. It was VL's posts about Murry that brought me out of lurkdown. His kindness and compassion towards his SO and Murry touched my heart. I admire his strength and integrity. I'm thinking of both of VL and his SO today across the miles.
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VL-- sending you big hugs and lots of positive thoughts. I hope the surgery went well and your SO is more comfortable.
VapidLapid
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Thanks for all your support and thoughts.
The surgery is postponed to monday morning. Swelling of brain is coming down with steroids. MRI showed the mass is not entangled with the adjacent artery to the brain. It has just pushed it out of the way so the artery is lying on top of it. The tricky part is over toward the eye where the nerves that control muscles that move the eye are. As the surgeons did not have the mri results until yesterday (friday) morning they had scheduled the friday surgery expecting that there was greater entanglement and a greater emergency. Since it wasn't they put back to monday which buys time for further reduction of swelling and time to make more detailed plan between all the surgeons.
The surgery is postponed to monday morning. Swelling of brain is coming down with steroids. MRI showed the mass is not entangled with the adjacent artery to the brain. It has just pushed it out of the way so the artery is lying on top of it. The tricky part is over toward the eye where the nerves that control muscles that move the eye are. As the surgeons did not have the mri results until yesterday (friday) morning they had scheduled the friday surgery expecting that there was greater entanglement and a greater emergency. Since it wasn't they put back to monday which buys time for further reduction of swelling and time to make more detailed plan between all the surgeons.
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VapidLapid|1428759158|3860353 said:
That is very good news in a land where "good news" is highly relative. I hope and pray that the swelling goes as far down as the brain allows swelling to go. We all await news.
Big hugs to both of you,
Deb
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Glad to hear it is as good as can be for something like this. Continuing to send you lots of hugs and positive thoughts.
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