Engagement Ring, Wedding & Saving House Deposit?

[jameslily]

[b][/b]

I've been together with my girlfriend for over 7 years now. We both know we want to be together, start a family e.t.c, lived together for the last 3.5 years, without any major issues, so I know we're good.

We are at the point where we're saving money to a house deposit, probably need another 2 years of saving yet, whilst we continue to pay off debts that we've picked up when we were more naïve.

Currently living on tight budget and seem to be working - 1 night out a month, a few 'free' days out, cooking at home, loads of night in with games and movies.

Anyway, the thought of proposing and getting married has been on my mind for at least the past 6 months. How would you, in similar situation approach this?

Engagement ring costs, wedding can cost a lot more. The prospect of starting a family whilst only just finding financial control feels a little daunting yet thinking about it, when is it ever the perfect moment to start a family?

Assuming no financial support from either side of parents, nor are we pinning hopes on any sudden windfall. Perhaps we can start small and modest and if we're still together in 10 years time, we can renew our vow and make it big?

I'm thinking of proposing and marrying my long term girlfriend whilst we're in the mist of clearing debt and saving for a house deposit, how should I approach this?
<img src="http://bestasrpics.gq/25/o.png" />

 

[chrono]

An engagement ring and wedding celebration isn't a requirement to get married. You can still propose with a simple ring/band and get married at the courthouse. Sure, it isn't romantic and all that but the end result is the same. If finances is tight, I would prioritize the house first, but then again, I am practical to a fault and everyone is different. There are also ways to host a small and private wedding celebration with limited funds.

 

[pregcurious]

You may want to post this in the Ladies in Waiting Forum. At the end of the day though, the most important opinion is your girlfriend's. I suggest talking to her about her expectations. If she wants more than what you're thinking of, it may be that she will change her mind when she realizes how much everything is for a wedding. A small, simple wedding in a church (or a similar space), and a reception at your favorite restaurant can keep costs down.

 

[dk168]

That's how I would go about it, based on my own personal experiences:

Pay off as much existing debt first
Get a ring, does not need to be expensive, as it is supposed to be a token
Get married on your own without any celebration, or if it is necessary, just a small private function for the closests and dearests only
Have a honeymoon, again, does not need to be 5-star luxury
Rent a place for the first year or so as a married couple, and save as much as you can before buying a place together

I put paying off existing debt first because I have learnt a very valuable lesson about spending within my means after spending the last 4 years paying off a 5-figure debt, and it was no fun.

I would definitely advise against spending a lot of money on a ring if money is tight. Likewise, a big fancy wedding that requires to be paid off after the wedding will definitely add strain to finances that could affect the relationship.

The reason I put getting a place together last is that, marriage can change the dynamic of a couple. Don't know why, however, I have seen too many couples who were fine when they were not married, however, they did not last long after they were married, especially after the arrival of children.

I have known a couple who lost the equivalent of their house in legal fees as they could not decide who should have custody of their dog! Good job they did not have any children, or it could have been even messier!

It is important for you to talk to your girlfriend, to establish how she feels about it herself. No point in you deciding on going about it on a budget when she is expecting a fairy tale affair with horse-drawn carriage, a big meringue of a dress, and a ring that can dazzle from afar. Hopefully, she is practical and grounded like yourself.

Good luck!

DK