A shocking ie of "boy soon"

[sweetnghtmr]

Today I had the pleasure of getting a first hand example of "boy soon".
So this morning I was talking to a friend when he told me he was planning on popping the question to his girlfriend soon! Also being good friends with his girlfriend, I got all excited for her, and asked when? He said this:

"Well I figure we''ll start talking about it within a year, getting everything talked over will probably take around 2 years, then I''d need one year to buy the ring, and another three to propose, so I''m thinking 7 years or so."

I immadetly asked him if he was joking, and he got rather offended "Um..no, why would I joke about something like that?" What the heck?!?! How can ANYONE consider 7 years to be soon?!?! I think this is the worst case of "boy" vs. "girl" soon I have ever heard of.... I feel bad for his g/f who I know has already been hinting for a ring (they''ve been together for 4+ yrs) I guess I should introduce her to this forum!

 

[icekid]

errrrrr perhaps you should tell this boy that after he strings his gf along for an additional 7 YEARS, she will no longer want to marry him. i am soooo glad that my bf''s brain is not that warped!!!

 

[FireGoddess]

Holy cr@p!!! I would definitely do both of your friends a favor by telling this guy that SEVEN years from now is NOT soon!!! It''s closer to another DECADE than it is "soon!!!" If he had said "before 2006" I would consider that to be somewhere on the order of soon...ugh.

 

[elepri]

I really hope he was kidding. No one in the right mind thinks seven years is soon. Unless they''re in high school, then maybe it''s a reasonable time frame.

 

[blueroses]

Wow. That''s insane, and makes my "wait" seem short. Is he deranged? What in god''s name makes him think she will wait around for another SEVEN years?????!!!! AAAAHHHHHH!!! He deserves to be dumped for that kind of thinking. What did you say to him after he acted offended? WHOA. That''s just ridiculous.

 

[MissAva]

Oh My Lord, I am not sure if I would have laughed or slapped him silly. Seven years???? What about a proposal takes three years? I am confused is he going to buy her a house for her present? Crazy.... Pull him aside tell him to have "the talk" with his lady and to hit PS and find her a ring. 7 years my bum.

 

[JCJD]

OK, first of all, how old is this guy? If he were, say, 15, then 7 years from now to engagement is more than reasonable. If he's (or more importantly, SHE is...) 25 or older and they want children, 7 years is pretty ridiculous, especially since they've already been together for over 4 years.

This couple needs to have a brutally honest heart-to-heart. He thinks 7 years is "soon", while she may think 7 days is too long. Your friends are in my prayers. If they are going to have a successful relationship and perhaps marriage, they need to talk ASAP and get their internally-decided plans out in the open.

 

[Erin]

Good God!!!! No wonder women have to drop hints which turn into degrees of pressure and no wonder they become frustrated and have to come here to vent.

If I were her, I would want you to tell me that my boyfriend thinks IT will happen in the next oh, roundabout, say, Seven Years!!!!! But of course I know better than to pry into anything as personal as that with friends.

I feel bad for her and I think he''s a complete fool.

 

[NoonersMom]

Whoa Nelly! Shocking is a fitting descriptor for this thread!!!!! Pull that boy aside & have a heart to heart with him. When men hear it from their partner sometimes it doesn''t register. BUT when they hear it from other people or hear other people confirm it, do they *ever* pay attention!

With that line of thinking, he may be single before the seven years is up! LOL...unbelievable! That''s the truth about cats & dogs! LOL

 

[beautifuldisaster]

my stars..the poor girl 7 years wow...thats a loonnnnnnnnnnng time.

i will be sure to NOT let my bf see this post lol

 

[teebee]

Seriously??? 7 years??? Good Lord that''s just crazy talk!!

I''m with Matatora ~ what about the proposal takes 3 years??? Um, and 2 years to "get everything talked over"??? Helloooooo? Conversation takes 2 years? I''m just flabergasted...

Um.... no. No way. Huh-uh. That is just not okay...

 

[sweetnghtmr]

I knew you ladies would be as shocked as I was to hear this. I''ve notice before how his g/f always GUSHES over my lil'' promise ring, and how she always hints that she''s never recieved any jewelery from him and probably never will... so after that I tried to talk to him about maybe getting her a promise ring or a nice diamond pendant but he wouldn''t give in at all, and ended up buying her flowers. I think he is just too concerned with himself. I know it would be a good idea to talk to them sepearte, but I really don''t want to be the one responsible for their breakup! I mean she''s already broke up with him before for a week, and he was totally crushed until she took him back. So I just don''t want to be the one to cause that heartache for him again. As some of you asked he''s 22 (which I know would mean 29yrs old when the proposal happens, but if it takes 7 years to propose just imagine how long it would take to plan a wedding, they''d be 77!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) lol, anways she''s 23. When he acted offended over the phone I didn''t say anything except "oh, okay." I don''t know what this guy is thinking!

 

[snow_happy]

my goodness - 7 YEARS?! that poor girl! Especially since she drools over your promise ring. I don''t know about getting involved or in the middle of things though. This is a situation I would definitely stay out of. Just be there for your friend when she gets angry about the super long extended time line.

 

[researcher]

Maybe he''s confusing years and months. That HAS to be it!

Poor girl! Fortunately they are on the younger side, so it isn''t absolutely out of the question to wait, but he needs to at least let her in on his plans. So sad!

 

[FireGoddess]

Well, at least the two of them are younger than I thought, so waiting would not throw her into menopause or anything (

), and I must say, I did change alot over the course of my twenties, so there is something to be said for "figuring it all out" - but there''s no way in hell I''d be with someone for what amounts to 10 years without knowing exactly where things were headed, and in what time frame! If she''s already been somewhat hinting for a ring...no mortal woman could wait 7 more years for one (as all the LIW well know)!! I completely understand your NOT wanting to step into the middle of all that...I guess the main thing you can do is be there for her... A promise ring would be a really good step for them right now, having been together for 4 years but not wanting to necessarily get married right away...a shame your male friend isn''t a little more open to suggestion.

 

[IrishEyes]

Hahahaha... I just read this. Yup, that''s a man for you!!

Man, seven years?! I don''t know if I would hold out that long. My DH jumped the gun on me!! I wasn''t ready yet, we had been together 5 years at that point and I was 22 at the time, so I didn''t feel quite ready to be engaged ( although I did like the idea of a ring!) and next thing I know he''s on one knee asking me!! I said yes because I knew that he was the one and knew we would do it someday. Well, someday was 2 months later when one day we just looked at each other and said " let''s do it this weekend!" It was great....

However, I can''t imagine still just being his girlfriend and waiting 5 more years or something

I hope that guy gets a clue!

 

[Buena Girl]

Wow, 7 years!

It probably would be best just to stay out of their mess. She will probably get tired of waiting sometime in the next 7 years and bring the subject up with him herself. That, and the boy brain is so confusing sometimes. He may just wake up one morning and realize his own plan is ridiculous.

 

[teebee]

Yep, you are probably making a good decision to stay out of that mess unless he specifically asks you what you think about his ridiculous & excruxiatingly long timeline... But if he ever does, perhaps you could remind him of how crushed he was during that one week break-up and let him know that he is potentially subjecting his girlfriend to a similar type of devastation when she finds out that she''s got to wait 7 years for a proposal.... I''m glad to hear that they are both pretty young, so maybe it will be okay. Too bad he won''t even consider the promise ring, that would be perfect. I realize that this guy is your friend ~ but he sounds pretty selfish to refuse to consider a promise ring or a pendant in addition to not realizing that 7 years (on top of 4) is a very long time to expect this girl to wait w/out even cluing her in on it.

 

[hopefulbutpoor]

I read this post and was feeling bad for whoever it was about and then I had a discussion with my bf. . .he asked me why I said I would have been mad if he had gone on a trip this summer (long story), but I said it was because he wants to buy a condo and the trip money would be closing costs and other money - ahem, a ring! He said that he would just put it on his credit card, but the WHOLE reason he has not bought a condo up till now is because he wants to pay down his credit card debt - so why would he add to it???

THEN he said it was his money and he could do whatever he wanted with it, so I told him of course it was, but him going on that trip would have indicated to me everything being pushed back. . .no money means no condo, means no moving in together, means no engagement. . . So then I asked him what his time frame was because he said he might not be moving this summer as planned (This summer was the latest deadline he set for himself - he''s been looking at condos for over a year) and he said: "I definitely want to move by the time I''m 30 and then maybe get married by mid-30s."

He''s 28 now and we''ve been dating for over 2 years. . .mid-30s = 35 = SEVEN MORE YEARS????!!!!!!

so then I was crying and he was like I didn''t mean to make you upset and I said that I don''t want to be still dating when I''m 103, waiting for him to "be ready" and he said that he wouldn''t expect me to wait around for that long. So how long do I wait? Is he trying to make me dump him???

I love him very much and I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I have also known since I was a little girl that I wanted to get married and have kids. . . What do I do?

sorry for the long post, soooo upset right now.

 

[sasa]

I think "boy soon" is definitely than "girl soon". I''ve been dating my BF for 10 years this year

, he is finally talking about getting marry next year. But of course I''m still waiting for the e-ring

, who know when that will happen. I know the reason for him not popping the question is because 1. I''m young (me 26, him 33) 2. he felt he is not financially ready. He feel that he need to buy a house first, get a big ring ready and then propose. 3. my mom doesn''t like him, she think he is not rich enough (not a doctor or a lawyer)

I guess boy and girl think differently when the word "Marriage" comes up. I think about the wedding, the ring etc. He thinks about stuff after the wedding. All the burden and the responsibility I guess.

 

[sweetnghtmr]

hopefulbutpoor- I''m so sorry to hear about your new timeline. I think the best thing to do would set down and have a talk with you b/f. Maybe the two of you can compromise on a new timeline that fits both your needs. Just be honest and express your true feelings. Hopefully, He''ll understand. Good luck, I''m sure things will work out in the end!

 

[FireGoddess]

hopeful, i agree with sweetnghtmr - you and your bf definitely need to sit down and pow wow about this. i''m sure the "i wouldn''t expect you to wait" comment was intended to make you feel better, not worse (but jeez - how could it NOT make you feel worse?!). you need to figure out where he''s at in this relationship...is it that he''s not ready to get married, or not ready with you...is he not really considering how his "time plan" would really work in the future (ie. if you''re 35 as well when you guys would be getting married...you''d have to start working on having kids pretty quickly)? these things need to be out in the open without pressure to get engaged necessarily right now, but also without this blowing in the breeze, open ended, 7 years from now plan either.

am i making sense? it''s late here...i think i''m babbling. the point is, you guys definitely need to discuss this. good luck...

 

[MiniMouse]

Hells bells, seven years? This guy is in danger of losing his girlfriend. She''ll get snapped up by a guy who sees her worth and takes the initiative to cement the relationship. I hope she doesn''t hang around for too long, waiting for him to do the business, she has a life to get on with. My oh my, I''m shocked.

 

[hopefulbutpoor]

Thanks for the advice ladies - it just gets frustrating when it seems like I''m bringing it up all the time - although, for the record, he was the one who brought it up the last time.

It''s very stressing for me when things are all up-in-the-air and uncertain - I''m a planner (all right, a control freak). . .definitely Type A. I just don''t like feeling unsettled and I''m at a point in my life right now where EVERY aspect of my life is uncertain - my job, my school, my bf (apparently), and my living sutuation. That all combines to leave me walking around irritated all the time - someone make a damn decision already so I can stop feeling like I''m just dangling!

My best friend is buying a 2-bedroom apartment and he offered me the extra bedroom so maybe my moving in there will give mmy bf the push into realizing he would rather that I be with him. . .especially since moving into that apartment would mean I''m living farther away from him (about 45 minutes) than I already am (about 30 minutes).

I knew we weren''t going to get engaged tomorrow, but I was expecting it within a year or two most - and this sudden announcement from him that it will be closer to a decade if at all is horrible.

I really don''t want to break up with him, but what if I wait for 7 years and he''s STILL not ready? I feel like I would be wasting my time, but I don''t want anyone else.

 

[sweetnghtmr]

Wow, I'm very sorry for your current situation, and even though it may get frustrating obviously he's not listening, and/or understanding.... have you tried the "We need to talk." phone call? Then meet up with him somewhere and expalain everything, just put your hart on the table. Make sure not to nag but be persistent in expressing your feelings and finding out if he's willing to change the timeline. It's obvious that you love him and don't want anyone else, it's also obvious that you are willing to wait, if thats what makes him happy, but 7 years?!?! That's just unreasonable. It's better to have a heart to heart with him now and find out if there's any chance of a sooner engagment than to wait all that time just for another timeline change. I wish you the best of luck with this, men can be uncooperative and stubborn, but you must express all your worries and hopes in order to make him understand where your comeing from. Please continue to keep us all updated.

 

[Gale]

There will always be some financial reason for a man NOT to propose. First it''s a home, then it''s a car, or a new computer. In seven years time, he may very well be talking about another home and another new car. There comes a time when these things must be put aside in favour of making a commitment to the one you love. While it is his money, and his life, he must arrive at a decision about where you fit, or don''t fit, into that life. Everyone knows it is not an absolute necessity to have a ring to symbolise the commitment (although it sure is nice). And you absolutely deserve to know where you stand. Afterall, you are not a mere convenience, you are supposed to be the one he loves.

 

[sweetnghtmr]

Just wanted to update everyone on the "Seven year" couple. After being together for over 4 years, they broke up. Now this is not like the last break-up, he moved out and she refuses to even talk to him! She told him that he is never going to make anything out of his life and she was sick of waiting around... Maybe she got wind of his 7 year "itch" or perhaps she just realized he wasn't the one. I tried to call to make sure she was alright but she never returned my phone call. I guess since I'm friends with the enemy she wonl't want to talk to me anymore.
Some people are just better apart.




P.S. Hopefulbutpoor- How have you been???

 

[hopefulbutpoor]

Hi ladies. . .sorry I''ve been a bit MIA - this past week has been a flurry of activity at school and work, but everything''s dying down again for the time being.

So I told my bf about my friend''s apartment and how I might move in there and he was like "well, I hope you and J will be very happy together." (This is my best friend who is gay AND in a relationship - and I''m in a relationship you idiot!) Then he proceeded to be pissy and upset about the whole thing. I explained to him that I had been talking about moving out of my house as soon as I could afford it since we first started dating and now - if everything goes well - I could afford it. . .and it''s not like he''s giving me the option of living with him - he lives in the second family part of his parents'' 2 family house and he''s dragging his heels on moving out. I told him point blank that I don''t think he had a right to be that upset given the situation and if he was upset he had the power to do something about it. To clarify, my moving into my friend''s apartment is beyond tentative and depends on sooooo many things that might not even happen that it''s not worth worrying about now.

Long story short, we are together and he knows where I stand, but I don''t know how long I should just wait here in limbo. He gives me very mixed signals - half the time he can''t wait till we are together and the other half he''s having like a panic attack. So everything''s still up in there and I''m not sure what will happen to make a change, but we''ll see. I''m definitley not waiting 7 years for a maybe.