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HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged!!!

msop04

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Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

OP, I meant to comment that you and your FI are a seriously good looking couple -- now I'm envious of your [possible] upgrade and both of your good looks! HA! :bigsmile: Seriously, ya'll look adorable and so happy!
 

packrat

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Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

why not add a big five stone wedding band? Or a big rhr for your other hand? That's what I'd do. W/a big rhr you could venture into other shapes/looks, and if your ring fingers are close to the same size, you could switch them back and forth if you wanted.
 

Jumpin_Jacks

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Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

You guys are so cute and your ring is lovely. We got engaged around the same time too, late October 2013 :)

People have raised a lot of good point, things to ask yourself first such as will you get DSS again, taking a step back, etc. But do what makes you happy given you both are ok with the increased cost, and it's awesome you both have an open enough relationship to really talk about it.

For me personally, I chose a well cut .77 and we didn't break the bank by any means. I probably have the smallest stone out of my group of friends. Some days I get DSS and wish perhaps I would've gotten bigger and honestly if I did say something to my fiance, he'd be open to talking about it. But for me, although we have 20% down sitting in the bank, single family homes in Orange County, CA are $600k+ for fixer uppers or $700k+ with Mello-Roos and HOA, so I've made peace with my ring. We now have a wedding to pay for and can save the money vs a 1+ ct stone for a honeymoon. We won't be in debt by any means with the wedding and down payment, but it's a personal choice only YOU and your fiance can answer.

Best of luck! By chance do you have anymore hand shots of your ring?
 

msop04

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Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

Jumpin_Jacks|1422056338|3821121 said:
You guys are so cute and your ring is lovely. We got engaged around the same time too, late October 2013 :)

People have raised a lot of good point, things to ask yourself first such as will you get DSS again, taking a step back, etc. But do what makes you happy given you both are ok with the increased cost, and it's awesome you both have an open enough relationship to really talk about it.

For me personally, I chose a well cut .77 and we didn't break the bank by any means. I probably have the smallest stone out of my group of friends. Some days I get DSS and wish perhaps I would've gotten bigger and honestly if I did say something to my fiance, he'd be open to talking about it. But for me, although we have 20% down sitting in the bank, single family homes in Orange County, CA are $600k+ for fixer uppers or $700k+ with Mello-Roos and HOA, so I've made peace with my ring. We now have a wedding to pay for and can save the money vs a 1+ ct stone for a honeymoon. We won't be in debt by any means with the wedding and down payment, but it's a personal choice only YOU and your fiance can answer.

Best of luck! By chance do you have anymore hand shots of your ring?

Yes, please! More handshots!! :appl: :love: :love:
 

KobiD

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Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

ame|1422049539|3821054 said:
Valid points, Kobi. Will you be satisfied with the upgrade this one time...will you be wanting another later? You have to ask yourself that. It's not a matter of will your fiance/husband be onboard, it's will YOU be satisfied with it when you upgrade this time. There's nothing wrong with a later upgrade, but don't start a chain of dissatisfaction that you can't maintain in life.

Thansk Ame. Thats where I was going with my posts.

msop04|1422050296|3821060 said:
Oooohhhh, KobiD... bless your heart. :lol: :lol: People upgrade all the time -- this is Pricescope, after all. Please don't take offense when I say that responses such as yours reminds me of that other forum where all the women "buzz" around talking about how you must be ungrateful and materialistic if you want something different... :D This is a diamond forum... we love diamonds! First world problems are the name of the game -- diamonds are a luxury item, after all. You don't need diamonds... and you don't have to be "filling a void" to want them. :bigsmile: Besides, she's already said finances are a non-issue, her FI is on board, so actually... the decision is now hers, and hers alone.

Why should OP be "inclined to love the ring"?? She's already made it clear her FI is totally good with it. Why should she have another ring made when the change she's wanting is for her ering?? I can only speak for myself, but if I wanted a different/larger/smaller/etc ering, a RHR wouldn't do a thing to change that... at all. :| What would a new diamond achieve? Well, if she wanted one, it may scratch the DSS itch she's having. ;))

Look at it this way.. Relationships are a luxury item as well. Not everyone gets one, and many get bad deals. To me, its like saying "My partner of x years who I have loved for ever just proposed in the most romantic way! It was everything I imaged it would be, and the ring was perfect!" ..then 3 months later after speaking with a couple 'new men' questioning if the man you are with is the one you really want, or if there are better deals to be had elsewhere.

After writing that, maybe this is how some people work? I don't know. I'm not in anyway implying that this is the case with the OP.

A relationship is built around love, not material items. A material item given with love is a token. Feeling dissatisfied with the token, could easily lead to dissatisfaction with the relationship, which impacts on the love. Learning to accept and love things for what they are probably doesn't fit in well with the PS mentality, but it does form a basis for a happy life. I guess thats what the others are trying to say with their "don't get caught up in PS" comments.
 

pfunk

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Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

If your fiance is totally cool with upgrading, and money isn't an issue, then by all means go for it. When I made my initial post, I was simply trying to remind you that perhaps, even though he said he was cool with it, deep down it may have hurt him that you wanted to start from scratch and replace the ring he put together for you. I know it would have if I were him, but obviously he is completely different and you have each other figured out. Thats GREAT!

I can completely see why someone might want to change up their ring if they didn't have any say in what they were getting. But you had the opportunity to tell him what you wanted in your engagement ring, and ultimately got what you wanted, but decided 3 months later you were wrong, it's in fact NOT what you wanted. Others have said that if it would have been a 0.4 being upgraded to a 0.6 then it wouldn't be a big deal. To me, that is far from the truth. No matter what the size, that is what your guy put together for you because he loves you and you can't gauge that in carat weight. Some guys try very hard to get it right and get attached to the entire process and the ring they have given you. OBVIOUSLY, others do not. Neither is right or wrong, just a difference from one person to the next.

I just think where some people are rubbed the wrong way and get the feeling that it's materialistic is because you told him what you wanted and you got it, then changed your mind. From your posts, you don't come across as being materialistic and are very thankful for what you have. So don't take this as me labelling you, because I am not. Just speculating as to why some people came after you on the "harsh" side.

I think we, as guys, are used to women not knowing exactly want they want at times. And at times it can be frustrating, but when they are small day to day things it really isn't a big deal at all. When you are talking thousands of dollars worth of rock, I'd like to make an effort to, along with my significant other, get it right the first time. BUT money is more of an issue for someone like myself than it is to you, so perhaps that is part of it.

Like others have said, I think you should think it over some more before you make a decision. I'd guess you came to a relatively quick decision to want a 2ish carat stone. This time, make sure you know exactly what you want before you decide on anything. While money isn't necessarily an issue now, I'd advise you to always consider what the future may bring. Perhaps the money you would spend to upgrade your ring could be spent on other things that are, in the grand scheme of life, much more important to your relationship.
 

msop04

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Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

KobiD|1422058352|3821136 said:
ame|1422049539|3821054 said:
Valid points, Kobi. Will you be satisfied with the upgrade this one time...will you be wanting another later? You have to ask yourself that. It's not a matter of will your fiance/husband be onboard, it's will YOU be satisfied with it when you upgrade this time. There's nothing wrong with a later upgrade, but don't start a chain of dissatisfaction that you can't maintain in life.

Thansk Ame. Thats where I was going with my posts.

msop04|1422050296|3821060 said:
Oooohhhh, KobiD... bless your heart. :lol: :lol: People upgrade all the time -- this is Pricescope, after all. Please don't take offense when I say that responses such as yours reminds me of that other forum where all the women "buzz" around talking about how you must be ungrateful and materialistic if you want something different... :D This is a diamond forum... we love diamonds! First world problems are the name of the game -- diamonds are a luxury item, after all. You don't need diamonds... and you don't have to be "filling a void" to want them. :bigsmile: Besides, she's already said finances are a non-issue, her FI is on board, so actually... the decision is now hers, and hers alone.

Why should OP be "inclined to love the ring"?? She's already made it clear her FI is totally good with it. Why should she have another ring made when the change she's wanting is for her ering?? I can only speak for myself, but if I wanted a different/larger/smaller/etc ering, a RHR wouldn't do a thing to change that... at all. :| What would a new diamond achieve? Well, if she wanted one, it may scratch the DSS itch she's having. ;))

Look at it this way.. Relationships are a luxury item as well. Not everyone gets one, and many get bad deals. To me, its like saying "My partner of x years who I have loved for ever just proposed in the most romantic way! It was everything I imaged it would be, and the ring was perfect!" ..then 3 months later after speaking with a couple 'new men' questioning if the man you are with is the one you really want, or if there are better deals to be had elsewhere.

After writing that, maybe this is how some people work? I don't know. I'm not in anyway implying that this is the case with the OP.

A relationship is built around love, not material items. A material item given with love is a token. Feeling dissatisfied with the token, could easily lead to dissatisfaction with the relationship, which impacts on the love. Learning to accept and love things for what they are probably doesn't fit in well with the PS mentality, but it does form a basis for a happy life. I guess thats what the others are trying to say with their "don't get caught up in PS" comments.

This is true, too, KobiD. :))
 

azstonie

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Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

Congrats on your special engagement and the very beautiful ring!!! More hand shots, pretty please? :appl: you two are a beautiful and happy looking couple.

I got my first PS-inspired diamond 2 years ago and some days it looks smallish to me and some days it looks enormous and I could jump and down with glee! (it's a 1.24 ct pear) crazy!

I agree with the advice to look a little at other shapes and sizes...
 

Dancing Fire

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Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

Ladies, FYI... :read: it is against forum rule #15 to discourage any PSer from upgrading.
 

arkieb1

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Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

Why do you even need to say this stuff in someone else's post? Are you really getting something out of it?
 

elle_chris

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Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

arkieb1 said:
Why do you even need to say this stuff in someone else's post? Are you really getting something out of it?

Ark, if the above was directed at me, it's takes two, or even three now that you got involved. So I'm not the only one being "mean". How come mop over there gets a free pass, eh?
Hypocrisy at it's finest.

To be honest, I'm kind of blown away by this. The other thread, I know I pushed it with my comments. But this one? Hell, I didn't say anything for mop to come at me.
 

pittin

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Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

If money isn't an issue, then go for it. I don't think it is ungrateful at all. You're being honest about your feelings. Personally, I would try to make yourself wait a few more months to see if the itch passes. Your ring is gorgeous.
 

Calliecake

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Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

If you want a larger diamond, can afford a larger diamond and your fiancé is fine with you getting a larger diamond, I would get the diamond that makes you happy. I have a few engagement rings in my 20 something years of marriage. My husband always says he could careless if I change the ring, as long as I don't change the husband.

PS can change your views on what you consider a large diamond.

Congratulations on your engagement. The pictures of the two of you are beautiful. You look so happy together!
 

akoya

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Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

arkieb1|1422024891|3820857 said:
I think you are a gorgeous couple and congrats on your engagement. I agree with the other posters that you might consider round brilliants next time around because they face up larger and will give you more bang for your buck so to speak..... If you are both on board with buying a new ring and can afford it, buy a new ring. Life is short - enjoy it.

Yea, but to give back to society too if possible
hope everyone help with some donations or to help needy, one way or another. so many rich people here. it will be good to give back to the society at times. for those doing it, well done! :clap:

how good it will be if every purchases, trade in esp big ticket ones, comes with an encouraging voluntary clause :angel: - to pay back to society (not that $$$ flowing back to the economy lol) but to give to the needy. time or $.

someone said its not materialistic. of course it is materialistic. if its not, what is? Love? can a stone buy love? :doh:
we are all materialistic. all after materialistic gains which is kind of sad in a way lol. otherwise we will not be here discussing abt diamonds. hope i will end this materialistic chase after i am done with my purchases :pray:
 

pfunk

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Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

By the way, happy 6 year anniversary! Wishing you much happiness in the years ahead.
 

arkieb1

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Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

akoya|1422076887|3821273 said:
arkieb1|1422024891|3820857 said:
I think you are a gorgeous couple and congrats on your engagement. I agree with the other posters that you might consider round brilliants next time around because they face up larger and will give you more bang for your buck so to speak..... If you are both on board with buying a new ring and can afford it, buy a new ring. Life is short - enjoy it.

Yea, but to give back to society too if possible
hope everyone help with some donations or to help needy, one way or another. so many rich people here. it will be good to give back to the society at times. for those doing it, well done! :clap:

how good it will be if every purchases, trade in esp big ticket ones, comes with an encouraging voluntary clause :angel: - to pay back to society (not that $$$ flowing back to the economy lol) but to give to the needy. time or $.

someone said its not materialistic. of course it is materialistic. if its not, what is? Love? can a stone buy love? :doh:
we are all materialistic. all after materialistic gains which is kind of sad in a way lol. otherwise we will not be here discussing abt diamonds. hope i will end this materialistic chase after i am done with my purchases :pray:

I make the observation that there are a lot of really good people here from a wide range of backgrounds that both give their time generously and donate to a number of worthy causes.
 

dk168

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Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

Late to the party, and I have not read all the posts, certainly not the ones relating to a bun fight! :rolleyes:

My own experiences in life taught me to be grateful with what I have, and make the most of them within my own means.

I too had DSS.

My engagement ring that I chose myself, was a lovely 3-stone EC totalling about 0.75ct, the ring that made me realised I loved EC above all other cuts.

However much I loved that ring, I longed for another EC, a bigger one, not to replace the ER, but as a RHR. And I kept dropping hints at my then husband that I would like one, to the point that I had dragged him window-shopping for one, and even went inside some shops to enquire about how much it would cost to get a 1ct+ stone.

He was not a stingy person, very generous in fact, and allowed me the freedom to do what I wanted with my own money that I earned. It was a case of "Whatever is mine, is mine; and whatever is his, is ours."

I was able to buy pieces of jewellery over the years, and still had some of them in my collection. However, not a 1ct+ EC.

With a 40th year birthday looming, I took out a saving plan, with the aim to go on a luxury holiday with my then husband to celebrate.

By the time the saving plan matured, we had had plenty of ups and downs, and there was no way I would go on a long holiday with him ever again. I decided I would leave him.

I decided to treat myself to an EC with the money I saved, and bought my 1.19ct E VS1 as my 40th birthday present to myself. That was 10 years ago.

I treasured that diamond dearly, as it has huge sentimental value to me.

Although I was not "in love" of the setting (it sits too high on my finger and the band was too thin), and had always planned to change it one day (it is currently being set, collecting the new ring on 31 Jan, can't wait), I have no intention of parting the diamond, as it will always remind me of a very important chapter in my life.

Looking back, I would say I was looking to buy things, diamonds, jewellery, whatever, to compensate for the lack of sparks in my relationship with my then husband (we were together for 10 years, married for 7 of them).

10 years later, and a lot of water has passed under the bridge, and having spent the last 4 years paying off my debts, I have learnt my lesson about money the hard way, thanks to my ex-hubby's faithful words when I asked him for help yet again (we remain in good terms, and he is joining me for my 50th celebrations), in that it was time for me to stand up to my own two feet instead of running to him, or my parents, or anyone else, to bail me out.

PS is one of my favourite waste of time, and I love to ogle at everyone's pride and joy. Yes I would love to have a lot more jewellery and bigger diamonds, however, I am not going to spend beyond my means. I do not feel the need to keep up with the Jones by getting the latest must haves, or to upgrade and go large etc...

Whenever I am low and need a pick me up, I would go and play with my jewellery box, as each piece of jewellery in my collection that I have amassed so far has a story or two to tell, and they would always bring a smile to my face. I worked hard to acquire some of the pieces, while getting into debt for spending beyond my means with others.

My jewellery collection may not be a very big or valuable collection by PS standards, however, it is mine and mine alone, and it is mighty precious to me.

OP, good luck to you and your hubby for your future ahead, and I hope you'll get over this DSS issue in no time.

DK :))

P.S. I play the lottery, and have a very long wish list for jewellery amongst other items. :bigsmile: And yes, I am kind of emotional, as I am about to turn 50, and have had some good and some very bad times in the past 10 years, however, I survived and am here to tell the tales! :bigsmile:
 

Laila619

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Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

If there's one thing I've learned in life, it's to try to be happy with what you already have and not be on the quest for bigger and grander all the time. Not saying you can't upgrade down the road for a big anniversary, but my advice would be to enjoy the gorgeous and large ring you have now.
 

Zizzy

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Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

Wedding band etc.: this thread may help you

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/show-me-your-wedding-sets-a-2013-edition.193315/

I have recently ordered a 2.1 mm plain platinum wedding band that matches the band on my e-ring. It lets my diamond shine and will be anxiety free so I can wear it all the time. I want to add the matching pave eternity too before too long. All three bands will be the same width, they are part of a suite made by the jewellery store so designed to fit together and compliment.

I am a 3.5 with short fingers so the non-matchy look is a bit much on me but there are some great examples of that on PS too.

There are so many gorgeous bands out there. Tiffany are superb for bands and its a great place to try out lots of different styles. I ended up buying from De Beers for the matchy-matchy, but we're it not for that, I might have gone with Tiffany.

Have fun!
 

CRYSTAL24K

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Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

Calliecake|1422073359|3821254 said:
My husband always says he could careless if I change the ring, as long as I don't change the husband.

I love that your husband said this!
 

MarionC

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Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

dk168|1422092671|3821302 said:
Late to the party, and I have not read all the posts, certainly not the ones relating to a bun fight! :rolleyes:

My own experiences in life taught me to be grateful with what I have, and make the most of them within my own means.


PS is one of my favourite waste of time, and I love to ogle at everyone's pride and joy. Yes I would love to have a lot more jewellery and bigger diamonds, however, I am not going to spend beyond my means. I do not feel the need to keep up with the Jones by getting the latest must haves, or to upgrade and go large etc...

Whenever I am low and need a pick me up, I would go and play with my jewellery box, as each piece of jewellery in my collection that I have amassed so far has a story or two to tell, and they would always bring a smile to my face. I worked hard to acquire some of the pieces, while getting into debt for spending beyond my means with others.

My jewellery collection may not be a very big or valuable collection by PS standards, however, it is mine and mine alone, and it is mighty precious to me.

OP, good luck to you and your hubby for your future ahead, and I hope you'll get over this DSS issue in no time.

DK :))

:bigsmile:

I love your thoughtful post.
:)) :)) :))

I struggle with DSS even though I have my Mom's big stones that I never wear...so I don't know what it's REALLY all about.
It seems that we are looking for some ultimate expression of perfection when we go into the "more & better" phase.
I go to the diamond websites that have videos and fall in love with a different diamond every time. Having been through a year of serious diamond lust, hunt & purchases I know that buying the "next" one will probably not cure the itch for the ultimate expression.
But that doesn't stop the longing! :love: :lol: :confused:
 

makemepretty

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Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

If you want to upgrade, do it now. Seriously. Now. Why wait? You have the money, you're not married yet. I think upgrading before getting married is a great idea. I loved radiants once upon a time but they do face up smaller than a round. You might consider a round in a cushion halo setting, it seems to give you the best of both worlds and looks HUGE. I'm not sure bands would really scratch that itch.

Sometimes you don't know what you really want until you get something you "thought" you wanted. We've all been there. Congratulations, it sounds like you've got a very understanding guy and a lovely family.
 

msop04

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Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

makemepretty said:
If you want to upgrade, do it now. Seriously. Now. Why wait? You have the money, you're not married yet. I think upgrading before getting married is a great idea. I loved radiants once upon a time but they do face up smaller than a round. You might consider a round in a cushion halo setting, it seems to give you the best of both worlds and looks HUGE. I'm not sure bands would really scratch that itch.

Sometimes you don't know what you really want until you get something you "thought" you wanted. We've all been there. Congratulations, it sounds like you've got a very understanding guy and a lovely family.

This is so true! ...in jewelry and in life! [emoji6]
 

msop04

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Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

CRYSTAL24K said:
Calliecake|1422073359|3821254 said:
My husband always says he could careless if I change the ring, as long as I don't change the husband.

I love that your husband said this!

I agree!! Great quote! [emoji106][emoji106]
 

Jambalaya

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Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

First of all, many congratulations on your engagement! The proposal sounds wonderful.

So, regarding changing the ring for a 3ct, I'm in the "why wait?" camp. Presumably the ring was bought only recently which means you can exchange it - i.e. get the full purchase price back to put towards the 3ct. If you wait, this may not be the case - and diamond prices are only going to go up.

You have the money now, and your fiance is on board with the plan. I see no reason not to go for it. The heart wants what the heart wants.

Perhaps your fiance is keen to show his appreciation of the love and care you've shown towards your stepson for the last six years.

Congratulations, and have fun picking out your new diamond!
 

Jambalaya

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Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

HappyNewLife - may I just ask you where you got the stars necklace that you're wearing in your ring shot? It's exquisite!
 

Jambalaya

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Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

Sorry - I've just remembered that the proposal was in October so the return period has probably passed.

Just seen the proposal photographs. What a gorgeous couple! That's what I like to see, shining happy young faces with their whole future ahead of them! I felt quite emotional, looking at your pics.

I think that a 3ct is in your future, whether now or later. Therefore, I think you should just get it now, before diamond prices shoot up, as they tend to do. And it seems as if your fiance is totally fine with it. From what you say about your relationship, it seems he would say so if he wasn't OK.

Really, I see not reason at all not to go for it. Or at least to look seriously at 3cts. I really don't see the point of putting this purchase off for a few years when it will only get more expensive.

Good luck!
 

Asscherhalo_lover

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Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

I read the WHOLE thread, lol, but as for your actual question, upgrade!

I would say though, really pay attention to measurements and performance of the diamond, as others have mentioned. As far as wedding bands go, if you stick with your current ring and setting I would do a matching band to go with the shank of your ER and then do an impressive eternity band to wear alone when you want to change it up. I have over 10 bands that I switch out and change up but my classic is my "set" which is a 1.06 asscher in a halo with a coordinating rb and baguette band. My major "stand alone" band is a 5+ carat asscher eternity. You could do a radiant or princess eternity or you could do something totally different for a stand alone band. Either way, best of luck!
 

minidancer

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 11, 2014
Messages
191
Re: HELP! DSS has set in less than 3 months of being engaged

I'm curious to see what OP decides. :)) You guys are a lovely-looking couple!

If $$ isn't an issue, and bigger would make you happier (and therefore your fiance happier :bigsmile:), then why not upgrade? As long as you are certain it will make you happier, I see no issue here.
 
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