Would you miss your kid's birthday?

[candy]

I am so sad because an upcoming business trip may mean that I don't see my kid at all on his 2nd birthday. I know I'm more sad about it than he is -- he hasn't got a clue.

How would you feel, have you ever missed a birthday... or would you?

 

[momhappy]

No, I've never missed a birthday and I would go to great lengths to ensure that I never would.
Having said that, your feelings of guilt are perfectly normal, but please don't beat yourself up over it. Your little one is very young and I'm sure that he will be happy celebrating at another time that's more convenient for you. Sure, children's birthdays are very special, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they have to be celebrated on the actual day. Children are usually satisfied with making a big fuss no matter when you make it, so plan something fun and try not to focus on the fact that you won't be there on the actual day.

 

[OreoRosies86]

Awww. It sometimes can't be helped, unfortunately. Just make a big to-do about celebrating before or after you return.

 

[monarch64]

My daughter is only 2 and a half, and I haven't had to miss a birthday so far. I would feel terrible if I did have to miss the actual day for business purposes, but there is all sorts of wonderful technology that now allows us to "be there" without being there. Skype, Face Time, Viber, Google Hangout chat, etc. are all great for seeing each other when you can't be together. My husband and I have both used those apps when we've been away from home and it's a great way to feel better about the situation.

Before you feel too bad about the issue, think of all the men and women in the armed forces or who work odd hours or periods of the year who don't get to see their kids due to their line of work. It's not the end of the world. It's more about you missing your baby than it is you not being a good parent or whatever. And I don't think it's something your child would ever see as a negative unless you make a big deal out of it. I think enjoying the time you ARE available to spend with your baby is far more important than one specific date that you will obviously make up for by celebrating before or after your trip. I'm sure you know this, but I know it's nice to hear encouraging words and reassurance.

Tl;dr: missing a birthday due to work doesn't make you a bad mom.

 

[Lady_Disdain]

I don't have a kid but my father did have to miss some of my birthdays because of work. In my case, I was older so I always got a phone call (international calls in the 80s - that did make me feel special, since it was quite expensive and I knew it). When he got back, I would get my present from him, a small cake so he could sing happy birthday and I would show him my other gifts. I felt plenty special

 

[jaysonsmom]

I have not missed either of my kid's birthdays due to a business trip, but my husband has...same kid (12 year old son), 2 years in a row! However, I make it extra special for my son, I let him pick his favorite fancy restaurant, and the 3 of us go without dad. Then, he gets another family celebration when my husband gets back. He has not complained about it ever....double the celebration!

 

[smitcompton]

Hi,

Monarch is right, contact your child by new technology. He/she doesn't know which day it is. Tell him his party will Sat or Sunday when you are home. Make the fuss when you are home. The celebration isn't always on "the day" Hes going to love it.

Annette

 

[Mayk]

I have missed a birthday and I've left a meeting early to be home for her 16th. My company has a meeting the same week every year, it happens to be the week her birthday falls on. I'm so pumped because her birthday will be later in the week these next few years and I'm likely not to miss it.

When I have had to miss it we do big things on both weekends to celebrate. It's probably a bigger deal than when I'm home.

I've worked full time her entire life and traveled for work. She knows a big part of our lives depends on my career. I hope I've instilled in her a solid work ethic and the desire to be successful and independent. I do wish I hadn't missed important things but she and I always make it up big and make a big deal out of it.

 

[AprilBaby]

My daughter is upset I am going to miss her 27th bd this month.

 

[packrat]

I've not yet, we always tell the kids Happy Birthday on their birthdays, but we don't always celebrate on that specific day. Sometimes it's just not possible. And as someone who grew up never celebrating, I don't place that much importance on it. Sure it's important, but I'm not going to rearrange my work schedule. Sometimes stuff comes up, especially during the week. Celebrate it on the weekend, you know? It's no different than some families having to change when they do Christmas.

 

[arkieb1]

I think you will feel more guilt or anxiety over it than you child will. From memory my husband missed our sons 2nd birthday because he was away working overseas and our son doesn't even remember he wasn't there. So don't beat yourself up over it. Having said that they older they get the more they remember so perhaps plan not to miss ones in the future if you can avoid it.

 

[lyra]

My husband has missed many birthdays, anniversaries and even a couple of Christmases with us. Our kids are now grown. They suffered no ill feelings or effects. It's part of life. Birthdays can be celebrated when you come home too. Same with any other special occasion. Don't sweat it.

 

[lambskin]

Divorced and separated folks face this too. The child ends up having two birthday celebrations-two cakes, two parties etc. The chid does not complain and each parent can celebrate. So missing an actual birthday and delaying the party-especially at this young age- does not make a big impact.

 

[Lady_Disdain]

I have missed a birthday and I've left a meeting early to be home for her 16th. My company has a meeting the same week every year, it happens to be the week her birthday falls on. I'm so pumped because her birthday will be later in the week these next few years and I'm likely not to miss it.

When I have had to miss it we do big things on both weekends to celebrate. It's probably a bigger deal than when I'm home.

I've worked full time her entire life and traveled for work. She knows a big part of our lives depends on my career. I hope I've instilled in her a solid work ethic and the desire to be successful and independent. I do wish I hadn't missed important things but she and I always make it up big and make a big deal out of it.

You hit on an important point. I never resented the fact my father was way because he never reacted with guilt, more of "this is life, work sometimes has to take priority but we will celebrate you too." I also knew there were times that family would come ahead of work (a longer vacation, leaving early for my important recital, etc).

 

[Jennl]

I have not missed either of my kid's birthdays due to a business trip, but my husband has...same kid (12 year old son), 2 years in a row! However, I make it extra special for my son, I let him pick his favorite fancy restaurant, and the 3 of us go without dad. Then, he gets another family celebration when my husband gets back. He has not complained about it ever....double the celebration!

My hubby missed DS's birthday (his 10th) for the first time and he was really upset when we told him. I took him (and DD) for a fancy dinner at place he'd been wanting to try (that I normally wouldn't take him....too $$), and we then had a family party when DH got home (not to mention mini golf/sleepover for 10 friends)...

While I think he was still sad, I think we did the best we could. At two, I think he won't know the difference though.

 

[diamondringlover]

My son just turned 29 in December, I thought I would have to miss his birthday this year, but did not, it worked out where I got to see him so no I have not missed any birthdays of either of my son's..but sometimes work does get in the way and it cannot be helped, it is just part of life.

 

[LLJsmom]

Haven't yet, but probably will at some point. I don't think it's that big a deal. My parents have missed my bday, and I'm certainly not scarred for life. But I grew up in a household where bdays are not that big a deal.

 

[telephone89]

I don't think my mother ever missed a birthday (at least that I can remember), but she did not have to travel for work. My aunt also (still!) calls me at 6:45 am on my birthday every year.

But tbh, it's not the date that is important, it's more the celebration and spending time together. And, of course, presents.

 

[swingirl]

Celebrate the birthday on another day when you are back home. A 2 year old will never know the difference.

 

[lioness]

Celebrate the birthday on another day when you are back home. A 2 year old will never know the difference.

Bingo. And I have two daughters, both of whom are now way past the age of two. Call him on his birthday, having told him that his party is coming up soon. They just don't have the same concept of time that we do at that age. They can't read a calendar. I'm not telling you to deceive him. I'm saying that they don't attach much importance to birthday celebrations at that age.

Just wait until next year, especially if he's in preschool. You're no longer off the hook. They start to grasp the concept of time by then.