Do you hide your love, er, obsession for fine jewelry?

[junebug17]

I really didn't get interested in jewelry until my early 30's, and by that time I was married with small kids (my poor husband lol), so I'm a little shaky on dating advice, but mainly because I'm old . But I think TooPatient makes a good point - I think it's important to just be yourself. If you enjoy wearing a few diamond pieces, I think you should. If your jewelry makes someone uncomfortable then maybe he isn't the guy for you. I don't know that I'd talk about it a lot - if the subject came up, I'd probably just say that jewelry and gemstones are an interest of mine, and if he seemed interested, I'd discuss it a little more, but I don't think I'd talk about it in depth otherwise. But I don't think you should hide a part of yourself.

As for me, I don't hide my interest in all things sparkly, but I don't really talk about jewelry too much with others, most people seem to get bored pretty quickly. That's why PS comes in so handy

 

[missy]

Madelise, I am so sorry for all the heartache and tears you have gone through this year. I believe all this happened for a reason and you will find the person you are meant to be with and spend the rest of your life with and this happened as part of that process if that makes sense.

You will be able to be your true wonderful self with the man who will ultimately become your life partner and you will enjoy all the love, support and friendship you deserve with him. And my advice is to always be yourself because that is the only way you will find the right person. Wear the bling girlfriend because that is what you enjoy doing and why would you be with anyone who wouldn't want you to be your sparkly self and all that entails. (((Hugs)))!

 

[stracci2000]

There is a culture here that dictates that women sacrifice all for their husband and children. Seriously. The men here are selfish horses' patoots.

TC--This is absolutely correct. I was born and raised in southwestern PA. I spent alot of time at that big lake just north of you. (You once mentioned your town in another post)
The men there like 'em barefoot n' pregnant.

 

[Circe]

I suppose some of it depends upon what type of message you want to send. IMO, a moderate amount of nice jewelry is fine and shows that you take pride in your appearance. Noticeable jewelry (either in quantity or quality) might send a different message - like one that says that you might be "high-maintenance." That's not unlike other aspects of our physical appearances that people make judgements about. If you like fine jewelry, then wear what makes you feel comfortable, keeping in mind what types of messages that it might send.

But I am high-maintenance, so that's the exact right message to send.

I also think a lot of judgment about high-maintenance women is... really sexist. So I'm supposed to have perfect professionally done hair and nails, turn myself out in style at all times, but do that with no effort and expecting no attention for it? Fffffffffffffffffff that.

Also, honestly, if a man thinks I'm high-maintenance because of my interests, he is NOT a man I would want to date, let alone enter into a serious relationship with.

(I suppose I may have the luxury of this mindset because I live in Dallas where everything and everyone is high-maintenance.)

Presented without comment, Gillian Flynn's delightful "Cool Girl" rant:

“Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl.

Men actually think this girl exists. Maybe they’re fooled because so many women are willing to pretend to be this girl. For a long time Cool Girl offended me. I used to see men – friends, coworkers, strangers – giddy over these awful pretender women, and I’d want to sit these men down and calmly say: You are not dating a woman, you are dating a woman who has watched too many movies written by socially awkward men who’d like to believe that this kind of woman exists and might kiss them. I’d want to grab the poor guy by his lapels or messenger bag and say: The bitch doesn’t really love chili dogs that much – no one loves chili dogs that much! And the Cool Girls are even more pathetic: They’re not even pretending to be the woman they want to be, they’re pretending to be the woman a man wants them to be. Oh, and if you’re not a Cool Girl, I beg you not to believe that your man doesn’t want the Cool Girl. It may be a slightly different version – maybe he’s a vegetarian, so Cool Girl loves seitan and is great with dogs; or maybe he’s a hipster artist, so Cool Girl is a tattooed, bespectacled nerd who loves comics. There are variations to the window dressing, but believe me, he wants Cool Girl, who is basically the girl who likes every ****ing thing he likes and doesn’t ever complain. (How do you know you’re not Cool Girl? Because he says things like: “I like strong women.” If he says that to you, he will at some point **** someone else. Because “I like strong women” is code for “I hate strong women.”)”
― Gillian Flynn, Gone Girl

Oh, screw it ... it's not like any of y'all believed the "without comment" bit, anyway. I HAVE to comment, because this is SO TRUE. The idea of a woman being "high maintenance" being a drawback has always fascinated/horrified me. Why is being 'low maintenance" a desirable ideal? Almost everything I've ever wanted in life has required effort to maintain it! The things that haven't are, er, how to say ... low quality and/or worthless. My professional reputation? Needs maintenance in the form of constant publication, conference attendance, participation in the intellectual discourse. My nice furniture/clothing/shoes/etc.? Needs maintenance in the form of cleaning, polishing, repairs. Ditto the jewelry. My kid? SO high high maintenance. Rinse, repeat as necessary.

So why are we expected to be "low maintenance?" Unless, of course, they mean it in the sense of "money you keep paying on something once you already own it," like with real estate. In which case, yuck, pass. Any dude who thinks of me in terms of a possession that ought to be free-and-clear because ... emotional Libertarianism, or something .... and doesn't give me the credit for maintaining myself, and having the self-respect for self-care (which can mean anything from liking bling, wearing makeup, and teasing my hair, to going to the gym a lot, to expecting him to have long emotional conversations with me) can go to hell.

Ahem. Anyway. Just had to vent. Not directed at anybody on the thread, specifically, just something that'd been percolating in my head for a while.

 

[cflutist]

When I was single and dating I wore a 2.05 D-VS2 RHR and sometimes wondered if it scared some guys off (but I was older then too).
I asked hubby today what he thought and his words were "Yeah, I noticed it and knew that you would be expensive" which is why he proposed without an e-ring. He said that he loved me anyway and was not intimidated by my success in Corporate America.

I don't hide my fine jewelry and normally wear e/w ring, 18K watch, 2 tennis bracelets, RHR, and a pendant , so my friends who see me in person do know that I love jewelry. However, I do not post anything about my jewelry on Facebook a la SMTB. There may be a picture or two of me say performing on my flute where some of the jewelry is visible, but the pictures themselves do NOT highlight them.

In some ways I am very fortunate that I live in the San Francisco Bay Area where one can wear their jewelry. However I am definitely not high maintenance, e.g. don't wear makeup, don't go to a stylist, don't do my nails, but rather look like a bum walking down the street. Have never been into fashion (but did wear suits at work), but neither were my women co-workers (software engineering). The Admin Assistant was dressed to the nines (she had a 5 ct. pear btw), but the rest of us were rather boring.

 

[momhappy]

^^Again, though, my post wasn't about women in particular because my posts could apply to both men and women (I realize too that Circe said that her post was not directed at anyone in particular). I'm not going to turn this into a debate about the term "high maintenance" - I was simply pointing out that our physical appearances can sometimes send messages about us (much like cflutist posted above about her DH noticing her ring and thinking that she would be expensive). I don't care if someone is high-maintenance, low-maintenance, or anything in between….and I'm not placing value judgements on any of it (in other words, I've never said that it's better or worse to be high/low-maintenance).
I consider myself to be fairly high-maintenance and I don't have a problem with the term (I would consider my DH pretty high-maintenance too). If I was to enter the world of dating, I'd likely continue wearing what I love (fine jewelry, designer handbags & shoes, etc.) because that's what I'm comfortable in. I suggest that people do what makes them feel comfortable

 

[lyra]

I say do whatever feels right for you, because you shouldn't have to hide the real you. You love jewelry. That's a hobby. You've bought your own pieces. That shows that you worked hard for something and achieved a goal. It also shows you don't need a man to provide for you in that way, since you provide for yourself and are independent. If someone is intimidated, they aren't right for you. If it opens up conversation, that's an opportunity for you to see who shares your values. Hopefully that person has their own hobbies, goals and achievements. Eventually you'll find someone completely compatible.

As an aside, the very first thing my husband and I bonded over was jewelry. At the time he was making silver pieces as a hobby, and I was doing the GIA colored stone course by correspondence. We are still together, just had our 31st anniversary a week ago. For my two daughters, I've always told them not to wait for men to buy them diamonds or jewelry--buy it yourself. They have both done that.

 

[madelise]

Update: I've been very open about my passion for the old-world, and for jewelry collecting. It hasn't deterred any of the men I have dated. I wear rings on my left ring finger, and they don't care.. either because they don't notice, or because I'm out with them, so I'm obviously single. I have not worn an "engagement ring" looking ring with a white diamond, though. Just my mahenge spinel in halo, or my yellow diamond in halo.

 

[marcy]

I think you should be yourself. Your love of jewelry is a part of you like any other thing you are passionate about. We all can just use common sense about where, when and how much to talk about our interests.

 

[caf]

And for the record I think sometimes women judge other women by the jewellery they wear as well.

Whenever I say anything remotely feminist around strange women, even ones who are supposedly hardcore feminists, they ALWAYS obviously look at my engagement ring. One time I was at a seminar for progressive women's leadership and the leader of the seminar like GLARED at my ring after I said something about feminism. Like, seriously, lady, cool your jets, I can be a raging feminist AND love bling AND be married, jesus christ. That was especially appalling to me because she seemed like the sort of person who SHOULD know that regarding typically feminine interests such as fashion/makeup/jewelry as less and/or deserving of scorn is sexist and A Tool Of The Patriarchy.[/quote]

Wow - I laughed so hard I spit out my club soda. I'm with you. Jewelry is NOT anti-feminist. But okay, leaves more jewelry for us. Makes me happy.

 

[kenny]

...I spent alot of time at that big lake just north of you. (You once mentioned your town in another post)
The men there like 'em barefoot n' pregnant.

Women going barefoot leads to pregnancy? Really?

Gosh I have a lot to learn about straight sex.
I always thought that exposing a certain other part of the female anatomy could lead to pregnancy.

This is all so confusing.
So, it's the feet.

 

[arkieb1]

Update: I've been very open about my passion for the old-world, and for jewelry collecting. It hasn't deterred any of the men I have dated. I wear rings on my left ring finger, and they don't care.. either because they don't notice, or because I'm out with them, so I'm obviously single. I have not worn an "engagement ring" looking ring with a white diamond, though. Just my mahenge spinel in halo, or my yellow diamond in halo.

That's wonderful to hear!!!! You go girl and I hope you meet a lovely guy worth keeping soon

 

[madelise]

Update: I've been very open about my passion for the old-world, and for jewelry collecting. It hasn't deterred any of the men I have dated. I wear rings on my left ring finger, and they don't care.. either because they don't notice, or because I'm out with them, so I'm obviously single. I have not worn an "engagement ring" looking ring with a white diamond, though. Just my mahenge spinel in halo, or my yellow diamond in halo.

That's wonderful to hear!!!! You go girl and I hope you meet a lovely guy worth keeping soon

Thank you, Arkie. I might have but we'll see.

 

[LaraOnline]

"Part magpie" -- Wink, you are a riot! I am going to use that phrase to justify my ownership of jewelry to all of the haters I encounter here.

I didn't expect this to be a question about dating when I opened the thread. But to answer just the question posed in the thread title, yes, I do hide my jewelry and love of it. The problem is that I live in a small town, and it's rundown and impoverished, and most of the women in my age group here have nothing except a .25-.33ct and/or a plain gold band. There is a culture here that dictates that women sacrifice all for their husband and children. Seriously. The men here are selfish horses' patoots. They begrudge a woman anything, and treat her like a slave. The women here are either employed in menial jobs or else are the primary wage earner for their families of 3-4 kids. In this town, it's considered extremely bad form to spend money on frivolous luxury items for oneself if you are a women after you marry. Men get to do whatever they want, and buy themselves whatever toys they want, though, because this is a wife-beating hick town where women don't have a say in anything, and the kids are the woman's problem, due to the low-class p.w.t. mentality here. So, to avoid being the victim of criticism (or robbery) and also to avoid making other women feel bad, I wear a .8ct pawn shop diamond and sims and my best stuff only gets trotted out when I am out of town among normal people or at a gathering of my own family who are not of the local gene pool and woman-hating mindset.

Seeing as this thread is up and running again, I'll say that I think that much of this quote sums up the culture of very large parts -certainly a majority - of suburban Australia.

 

[FrekeChild]

...I spent alot of time at that big lake just north of you. (You once mentioned your town in another post)
The men there like 'em barefoot n' pregnant.

Women going barefoot leads to pregnancy? Really?

Gosh I have a lot to learn about straight sex.
I always thought that exposing a certain other part of the female anatomy could lead to pregnancy.

This is all so confusing.
So, it's the feet.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barefoot_and_pregnant

 

[missy]

I am happy that things are going well for you Madelise. You deserve only the best.

 

[stracci2000]

...I spent alot of time at that big lake just north of you. (You once mentioned your town in another post)
The men there like 'em barefoot n' pregnant.

Women going barefoot leads to pregnancy? Really?

Gosh I have a lot to learn about straight sex.
I always thought that exposing a certain other part of the female anatomy could lead to pregnancy.

This is all so confusing.
So, it's the feet.

Yes, Kenny. It's because in PA., it's usually snowing. It snows alot. And the snow gets deep.
So on Steeler Sunday, after your husband has consumed one too many Iron City Beers, and is feeling amorous,
it's hard to run away. See, 'cause you are barefoot. You don't have shoes, 'cause you don't need 'em. You never leave the house. And there's alot of snow out in the yard. Running barefoot through snow is unpleasant. Hence the problem.

 

[lioness]

Ok, I just decided that each of my daughters gets a big sparkly honkin' rock in a RHR (they'll get to choose the setting) as a college graduation gift, under the condition that they wear their rings to work (provided it's safe and reasonable, the idea being that they're still wearing the rings at the bar after work) and on dates. Any man who approaches my girls needs to know that he won't be dazzling them with their first diamond, that there is a family standing behind them and that he must not dare warp their appreciation of beauty - or anything for that matter - into a way to demean them or attack their individuality.

Don't hide your love of fine jewelry. Don't dim your radiance. It's part of who you are. Would you expect a man to conceal a love for fast cars or fishing or football? Why do we as women always kowtow and conform?

 

[lioness]

And for the record I think sometimes women judge other women by the jewellery they wear as well.

Whenever I say anything remotely feminist around strange women, even ones who are supposedly hardcore feminists, they ALWAYS obviously look at my engagement ring. One time I was at a seminar for progressive women's leadership and the leader of the seminar like GLARED at my ring after I said something about feminism. Like, seriously, lady, cool your jets, I can be a raging feminist AND love bling AND be married, jesus christ. That was especially appalling to me because she seemed like the sort of person who SHOULD know that regarding typically feminine interests such as fashion/makeup/jewelry as less and/or deserving of scorn is sexist and A Tool Of The Patriarchy.

Wow - I laughed so hard I spit out my club soda. I'm with you. Jewelry is NOT anti-feminist. But okay, leaves more jewelry for us. Makes me happy.[/quote]

I need to see this ring. SMTB please.

But seriously, I understand, I empathize and it makes my blood boil when other women expect us to conform to their personal notions of what a woman should want to wear, love, read, believe, embrace. Even if it says somewhere that feminists should eschew fine jewelry (where?), who cares? Are we trading a set of rules that was devised by men hundreds of years ago for another drafted by women today? Where's the liberation in that?

 

[arkieb1]

And for the record I think sometimes women judge other women by the jewellery they wear as well.

Whenever I say anything remotely feminist around strange women, even ones who are supposedly hardcore feminists, they ALWAYS obviously look at my engagement ring. One time I was at a seminar for progressive women's leadership and the leader of the seminar like GLARED at my ring after I said something about feminism. Like, seriously, lady, cool your jets, I can be a raging feminist AND love bling AND be married, jesus christ. That was especially appalling to me because she seemed like the sort of person who SHOULD know that regarding typically feminine interests such as fashion/makeup/jewelry as less and/or deserving of scorn is sexist and A Tool Of The Patriarchy.

Wow - I laughed so hard I spit out my club soda. I'm with you. Jewelry is NOT anti-feminist. But okay, leaves more jewelry for us. Makes me happy.

I need to see this ring. SMTB please.

But seriously, I understand, I empathize and it makes my blood boil when other women expect us to conform to their personal notions of what a woman should want to wear, love, read, believe, embrace. Even if it says somewhere that feminists should eschew fine jewelry (where?), who cares? Are we trading a set of rules that was devised by men hundreds of years ago for another drafted by women today? Where's the liberation in that?[/quote]


Women judging women fullstop gives me the shits. I agree with Lara, in Australia out in the suburbs we are judged all the time, too stuck up if we wear flash jewellery, not good enough if we don't drive certain cars, too good if we drive other cars..... I'm tired of women being too fat, too thin, too well dressed, not good enough parents and so on. We're anti this if we dress a certain way, asking for it we dress a certain way, not sexy if we dress a certain way. It's tiring.

When my son started school in a working class suburb I hid my jewellery then I thought about it and it took me nearly a year to go bleep it, I really don't care what other women think if they don't like me specifically because I wear a big diamond, that says more about each of them than it does about me.

 

[LaraOnline]

[quote="arkieb1|1415182971|3777837"
When my son started school in a working class suburb I hid my jewellery then I thought about it and it took me nearly a year to go bleep it, I really don't care what other women think if they don't like me specifically because I wear a big diamond, that says more about each of them than it does about me.[/color] [/quote]

I wear both my diamonds pretty much every day. The eye rolls and 'value judgements' stopped years ago, I'd like to think.
The rest of me is fairly ... ordinary and friendly.
There was a backlash at first - I think (subtle, it's very subtle).
Sooner or later they get the drift of my personality.
Generally I'd say I'm friends with everyone from the tracky-dak mums to the fancy pants in 10 inch heels!
(who I try not to judge for being too flashy LOL LOL)

 

[SB621]

Honestly I could be wearing half the crown jewels and my husband (even when we were just dating) wouldn't have noticed. Half the men in my family wouldn't have noticed. Now if you wanted to talk bout golf clubs they would notice if I was noting around a 10k plus set!

I guess my point is I would wear what I want. My hobbies are apart of me so I wouldn't try to hide it or down play it. I might slowly ease them into though

And yes several of my friends know about my obsession with jewelry and some family too. Lots of them don't understand it though. All that matters is it keeps me happy and DH could care less as long as I love it!

 

[NTave]

I think as a single woman you can wear what you wish...and be who you are. As a single woman I wear rings, sometimes on my left ring finger, always on my right ring..and I don't care who thinks what about me. I explained recently to a date when he picked up my right hand and asked me about my ring, I told him the truth. I bought it myself, because I love sparkly things. I don't hide it, but I don't broadcast it. No one knows how much I love it, except maybe my sister,and my children. Its not any one's business but mine.

 

[LaraOnline]

Agree, NTave.

also, allow me a moment to applaud distracts, momhappy and Circe...
EXACTLY - who would want to be 'low maintenance'.??
It seems the way you'd describe a cheap runabout car!