The Official TTC for 6 Months or More Thread

[Huff26]

MP I am so very sorry for your loss. I don't have experience with what you are going through, but I pray that your procedure will go smoothly and that you will be comforted by all those who care for. Most of all, I hope that life blesses you quickly again.

 

[lliang_chi]

MP, Hugs my friend. I'm so sorry. I'd opt for the D&C as well. It's intrusive but it's discrete as well. I'm mvery very sorry that this was the outcome. It just sucks overall. HUUUUUUUGS my friend. Your strength is admirable

 

[BrightSpot]

MP, I'm so very sorry to hear this devastating news. I do understand your intuition on this & I think it was wise for you to push for resolution sooner rather than later, both on the u/s & D&C. Being in limbo is so difficult, especially when you have a foreboding sense of the likely outcome.

I hope the procedure goes smoothly tomorrow & I'll be keeping you in my thoughts & prayers during your physical & emotional recovery.
FWIW, I conceived 2 cycles after each of my D&C's (and the second time with my sticky bean.)
I'm still so very hopeful for you but so sorry you have to go through this. Sending you a big hug.

 

[royalasscherlover]

mp, I'm so sorry to read your update. Hugs. I hope everything goes smoothly tomorrow and you find the strength to get through this.

 

[random_thought]

tourmaline you're definitely welcome here. I conceived my son after 7 months with no medical intervention at all. Go figure eh Anyways, I hope your stay is short but we got a pretty good group here in the meantime

 

[dani13]

Oh MP, I'm so sorry to hear your news. You are in my thoughts today. Big hugs and prayers outgoing.

 

[Tourmaline]

MP, my heart is still aching for you. You, too, RT. I know how exciting BFPs are, and to get them and then lose them would be really hard. Hugs to both of you. And LC, too.

Thank you for the welcome, ladies. 12dpo BFN on Wondfo and FRER. Expecting my period in the next day or two. My husband travels a lot for work, and it's hard to time BD. Some months there's no chance. I think we'll have a good shot this month. I am considering giving up on girl timing to tap into most fertile timing, but I hope I don't do that. I hope I hold onto my resolve.

 

[Puppmom]

MP, thinking of you today. I hope everything goes smoothly and that you have a relaxing weekend.

 

[JGator]

MP, wishing you peace, strength, and hope today. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

 

[Sha]

I'm really sorry too, MP. It sucks to have to be going through this, after such a long road. I hope things go ok for you today. Please take some time to grieve, and get comfort from those around you that you trust sharing this experience with. I've had a D&C before and while the procedure itself and recovery were fine, the emptiness I felt afterwards (physically and emotionally - having a much-longed for baby inside me and then not having it) was harder to deal with. It was only after I really grieved the loss of that baby that I was able to move on and feel better. HUGS. We're all here for you.

 

[Tourmaline]

I just got my period. Onto a new cycle. I've lost count.

 

[monkeyprincess]

Hi everyone, thanks for all the good thoughts and prayers on Friday. I read them while waiting for the surgery, and it meant a lot. Everything went pretty smoothly on Friday, and I didn't have much of any pain or cramping. I didn't have any bleeding until yesterday, and now it is mainly only light, but it is a constant reminder. So physically, I'm doing pretty well. And most of the weekend, I was doing pretty well emoptionally too and just enjoying spending time with Ev. But the grief hit me last night. I think it was when I was starting to get organized for today and start mentally preparing to come back to work. I stayed home Thursday and obviously couldn't go in on Friday. It was something about returning to normal life that just made me profoundly sad for our loss, or the loss of what could have been. I'm having a hard time holding it together today. I only told one person at work who has become a friend and is very discrete (mostly because I needed her to take care of a few things for me), but to everyone else, I just have to pretend all is well. I feel like this set me back and I'm back to having a hard time believing we'll ever have another baby. Just trying to stay strong and move forward. Thanks again for all the support. I have a greater understanding of what many of you have experienced before, and so in case I didn't say it strongly enough before, I'm so sorry to any of you who have had to experience a pregnancy loss. You are all so strong!

 

[Loves Vintage]

MP - I am sorry to hear that you are struggling today. I am glad you have someone at work to at least share a little of what you are going through. It is not easy. I hope that tomorrow and each day after will be a little easier for you. Take care of yourself for now and then worry about everything else later. You will have another baby. I know you will. For now, be strong. Tomorrow is a new day. Hugs.

 

[JGator]

Hi, MP, sorry to hear you are down. You are going through a normal grieving process though. I agree with LV that you will have a baby - it's just a matter of when. I know when I had my loss it was hard to believe that it would happen. I would cry a lot at night for some reason while praying/talking to God. And, I just kept praying for a happy, healthy baby one day even though I was devastated and sad. I do still pray and talk to the baby we lost, and I tell him to watch out for K and be her guardian angel. That has to be the smallest blessing in disguise that hopefully he's up there watching out for K, and that he's being taken care of by my grandparents and my dad who have all passed previously. I'm sorry you are part of this club, and it will take time to heal.

 

[Puppmom]

MP, I’m so sorry you’re struggling. I think how you’re feeling is totally normal. I had a similar experience (must mean it’s normal, right?). Keep in mind that not only are you dealing with an incredibly emotional event but your hormones are insane right now. I know it’s not true for everyone but my HCG took an instant nosedive after my D&C and that really made an already very difficult thing feel near unbearable. You ARE strong. Take it one day at a time and be kind to yourself.

 

[monkeyprincess]

LV, thanks. I do think it will get easier as the days go on, and especially once my cycle returns and I can start moving forward with plans for trying again. The girl that I confided in at work is also the one who has three little boys, and her second was born just a couple weeks after my son. She now also has an 8 month old, and I was just in a meeting with her, and I am almost positive, she'll be making another announcement soon because she had a definite bump. I probably put her in awkward position by telling her about our struggles. Oh well. Thinking of you a lot this week and hoping for continued good news!

JGator, that's a nice perspective. I think part of the sadness I'm having right now is that I didn't at all let myself connect with the pregnancy and baby because I just knew the baby wouldn't make it, so I think I'm feeling a little guilty about that. Like I didn't appreciate the fact that a little life was created, and I'm having mixed feelings about all of our other embryos that didn't make it and the ones that are frozen, which was the initial reluctance I had about IVF in the first place. But I like thinking of the little one as watching out for Ev and any future baby. How are you doing these days? Did you ever confirm ovulation or are you just going to wait until you think you are late to test?

Pupp, thanks for the support. I hadn't really thought about the hormonal things that are going on and how that might be contributing. But you're right. I go in to check on my hormone levels on Friday, so I'll see how fast things are going down. I think I was just hoping I would feel relief to finally have an answer and wasn't expecting this sadness. I just want to feel normal again and hopefully find a way to be hopeful again.

 

[choro72]

Hugs mp, you're such a strong woman to go through with it so soon. I've recently began to open up to 5 of my mom friends. Of the 5, 4 of them had miscarriages, one of them had it twice, and the 5th one took 10 years to conceive. I am still surprised at how often this happens. All the moms who's had miscarriages are strong and happy, but they did say that it was emotionally easier once they conceived.
I think it's important to be true to our emotions. hugs. It's been such a long road for you and it's just not fair.

 

[monkeyprincess]

Choro, wow, I'm glad you were able to find support from your friends. I do agree that I think the only way to get over it will be to conceive again and have a healthy pregnancy. The hard part is when you already struggle to conceive and have pretty much done as much as you can do to make it happen, and it still doesn't work! Anyway, how are you doing these days? Has your spotting and everything stopped? Do you know if your HCG has zeroed out yet? I feel so badly for you how long it's been since your pregnancy and you are still waiting to try again. That must be really hard.

SB, thinking all sorts of good thoughts for you this week. I so, so hope this will work this time!

Hope everyone else is doing well and hanging in there.

AFM, I took a wondfo HPT this morning, and the line has gotten much lighter than the control line again, so I'm hoping that's a good sign that my HCG is going down as it should. I should know more on Friday. Feeling much better today than I did yesterday. I think it was just the transition to coming back to work yesterday that got me down and feeling behind at work without being to explain to people why I was not on top of my game. Anyway, thanks again for all the support. I hate that so many of us have been through this, but it is comforting to know that things do get better.

 

[royalasscherlover]

MP, so sorry for all you are going through, but I'm glad the procedure went well and your HCG seems to be dropping. Just the struggle to get pregnant is overwhelming enough without added sorrow. I trust the others that time, and hopefully another healthy pregnancy, will help.

Tourmaline, welcome and sorry about AF.

Unfortunately, I don't have good news to report. My ultrasound over the weekend showed fluid in my uterus, which means we will have to postpone or cancel my transfer. I'm scheduled for another ultrasound this weekend to see whether the fluid has absorbed, but I'm struggling with whether we should cancel even if it does. I've gotten mixed messages from the staff at my clinic - some say that it would be reasonable and prudent to cancel, others have said it should be fine as long as the fluid absorbs (of course, my primary RE is out of town for the next two weeks when I need to make this decision...) The studies are mixed about whether having fluid leads to a poorer pregnancy outcome even if the fluid is subsequently absorbed, and now that the seed of doubt has been planted, I'm worried I will feel like we wasted our embryos on a suboptimal lining if the cycle doesn't work. But I also feel really disappointed about canceling as I will have done three IVF cycles now with only one transfer. My body just doesn't want to do this.

 

[Loves Vintage]

MP - I am glad to hear you are feeling a little bit more yourself today. One day at a time. Let work be your distraction right now. Oh, and I wouldn't worry about having shared with your co-worker. Chances are that she has been through the same herself.

SB - I am really sorry to hear about the fluid. Do they know what causes it? I can only imagine how disappointed you are. I'm afraid, given how much I know you want to proceed, that I would feel like I have to cancel too -- like you said the seed has been planted, and it can't be good to go into a transfer without feeling 100% sure. I am really sorry. I hope I don't sound too negative. Maybe at the later ultrasound, things will be more clear, and they can provide you with better, more reassuring guidance.

 

[royalasscherlover]

LV, I don't think you sound too negative - I am leaning towards canceling myself (I edited my post a bit to hopefully make this more clear). It just stinks to have to make this decision without much clear information and I'm so, so tired of the process. I feel defeated.

The fluid is just like regular cervical fluid but in my uterus instead. It apparently just happens sometimes and isn't anything to worry about for future cycles where it isn't present.

 

[Loves Vintage]

I know you feel defeated. You have seen your share of delays in this process, and the waiting is the hardest part. Plus, the not knowing how much longer it will take. I wish it were easier. I wish I had some magic words for you, but I already know there are no magic words for this. We just have to go through it and keep going, until we come out the other side. I know you will make it to the other side of this. I will be thinking of you.

 

[JGator]

SB, sorry about the fluid. I might hold off too if I were you. See what they say at the next ultrasound, but I would likely be concerned more since your RE is away too.

Choro, you are right there are so many women out there who have been through this - it just isn't something that we talk about. My manager knew about my MC and told me she had 2 MCs - and 2 healthy children in between each one also. My thoughts are with you.

MP, I'm glad the line is getting lighter - that's a good sign. I'm also glad you are feeling a little better today emotionally. I still have tons of hope for you. I am assuming I Oed this cycle based on a temp shift even though I never got a dark line.

LV, thinking of you. Can't wait to hear your report on Friday.

LC, thinking of you.

Tourmaline, sorry about AF. I think I would not bother trying for a boy or girl at this point either. You want to cover all your bases!

AFM, I'm 12 DPO according to FF and I got a BFN today. My temp was low this AM, but that may have been due to temping at 3am when my daughter woke up! 12 DPO is when I got my BFP with my daughter so that's my indicator of success/failure this cycle. Planning to call the RE and schedule the IUI when AF shows any day now. I'm not real optimistic on the IUI success rates either.

 

[random_thought]

Just wanted to stop by to say that I am thinking about all of you even if I'm not posting much. Honestly, I am just trying to keep myself preoccupied. Kind of worried that last cycle was a fluke and it might take another long amount of time to get another positive. #feelingsorryformyself.

 

[monkeyprincess]

Random, it's understandable to be worried. I'm feeling a lot like you right now and worrying that our BFP was a fluke and the other blasts won't implant. It is so hard to stay optimistic sometimes.The positive I see for you is that it was your first cycle past your surgery, so I'm really hopeful that had something to do with your BFP and that it can be repeated. Hang in there!

JGator, keeping my fingers crossed for you that it was still too early today. If not, I'm hopeful the IUI will be helpful for you. It would be so nice if this happened quickly for you and you didn't have to do IVF.

SB, oh no! I'm so sorry to see your update. Seriously, I understand your frustration with all these roadblocks. I don't know anything about fluid in the uterus or what that means, but I'm so sorry you now have to decide whether to proceed. Is there another RE in the practice you can talk to or how does that work? Do they have any idea what might have caused the fluid and if it is something you can prevent in the future? Or is there a different protocol you could use if you decide to cancel and try again next cycle? Big hugs to you.

 

[Tourmaline]

MP, I imagine that, as someone mentioned, hormones play a big part in how you are feeling. Similar to after a birth, the hormone shift makes us feel emotionally broken open. Big hugs as your body finds its way back to normal.

Wow, SB, I hadn't heard of fluid in the uterus before. I wonder how many of us experience that or something similar and don't know about it (but don't conceive because of it). Did they say they would check absorption before you have to decide whether to cancel? If so, I'd wait until then to decide. Hugs.

JGator, I've gotten BFPs at all different days, up to 8 days late for AF, with previous pregnancies. There's still time. But I understand how the hope starts to seep away as expected AF date gets closer.

RT, sending you good wishes.

It's such a climb each month when the period starts. Just before, there's all that hope, and then it's gone, and the cycle begins again. It's really exhausting sometimes.

 

[tbaus]

I had decided t catch up on the last few ages before I post but I am just never able to catch up, so I'm jumping in.

MP- I'm so sorry to read your news. I agree your hormones are probably escalating things but it is also perfectly normal to grieve. I also know how you feel, I made it to 22 weeks and I never really felt like I could properly celebrate the life inside of me, no matter how short it was. Mother's intuition is an interesting thing. I haven't been in your exact situation, so I can't say every day will get better, but I hope your heart is able to heal a little more each day. *Hugs*

Random- I'm sorry about your chemical pregnancy. The people at your RE office seem overly harsh. But the important thing is you know it happened, and hopefully you will be pregnant again soon.

LC- I haven't had time to completely catch up on what you have been going through, but I know it has been rough for you as well. I hope you are doing ok.

JGator- Don't give up yet lady. Stranger things have happened. I have my fingers crossed for you.

SB- I have no idea about the fluid, but if it were me and I had any doubts I would hold off unless I could speak to my Dr (or his/her replacement) and get their take on things.

LV- I think some congratulations and sticky dust are in order! I had an ultrasound at 5 weeks to check for an ectopic pregnancy, my Dr explained it was because my progesterone was low. How has your bloodwork been? Hoping to her more good news from you soon.

Tourmaline- The ups and downs we feel in during a cycle really is exhausting. This has been our first month on the TTC wagon and I'm already sick of it and so emotional.

My apologies if I have missed anyone, I have just skimmed over the last 2 pages.

AFM, This is our first month officially trying. Since the end of my last pregnancy I have had 3x 35 day cycles. This cycle I had my first appointment with my RE on Day21, so of course she assumed it was O day. Well, the bloodwork showed otherwise, and we think I only ovulated around CD44. Of course! So today I am possible 12DPO, they want me to test on Saturday am (15dpo). I'll see if I can hold out. I am not expecting good news, last time I was pregnant I had super sore BBs, and this time not so much.

 

[monkeyprincess]

Tbaus, glad to see you check in. Thanks so much for the support. While what I experienced was very hard and sad, I am thankful I at least found out very early. What you went through is unimaginable. Keeping everything crossed for you. If not this cycle, I pray it happens very soon for you.

Tourmaline, I agree. It is such a roller coaster. If I remember correctly you already have 3 or 4 kiddos, right? Hoping is just a matter of time for you as your body clearly knows what to do. I'm not sure how old you are, but maybe that's why it's taking a little longer this time. Not that it makes it any easier! Thanks for the support as well. I still have several moments of sadness each day, but I am trying to stop dwelling on what could've been.

 

[Tourmaline]

Tourmaline, I agree. It is such a roller coaster. If I remember correctly you already have 3 or 4 kiddos, right? Hoping is just a matter of time for you as your body clearly knows what to do. I'm not sure how old you are, but maybe that's why it's taking a little longer this time. Not that it makes it any easier! Thanks for the support as well. I still have several moments of sadness each day, but I am trying to stop dwelling on what could've been.

Yes, I have 4 kiddos. I am 38 now. I think the unreliable cycle is due to both aging and dieting I did last year. And I think it's taking a long time because we are trying to push it to girl timing, which means less than fertile timing, and just not getting close enough. This month I am going to push it closer and see what happens. My husband and I won't be apart this cycle until after O, which is great.

 

[random_thought]

My mom just got her ct scan back and we found out that she has 2 choices- chemo or no chemo. Her cancer has spread rapidly. If she does nothing, she was given 6 months to live. The chemo could make her lung and heart problems even worse and at most will only buy her an additional 6 months of time. This was my worse fear with infertility - that my mom would never meet her last grandchild and now it's happening. To say that I am devastated would be an understatement