shape
carat
color
clarity

Parenting question.

JaneSmith

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 11, 2012
Messages
1,589
I need some perspectives and opinions please.
Parents, what do you tell your children (especially the young children) about other religions? If you are raising your child to believe in one particular religion and god, how do you go about telling your child that there are plenty of different religions, and many other kids at their school will believe that some other god is real and theirs is not. What do you tell your kid about respecting the right of others to believe what they want while still maintaining that their religion is the one that is real and true?
Basically, how do you tell your kids that they are right, the others are wrong, but don't be a dick about it? Do you just tell them to keep their religion to themselves?
Also, what do you tell them to say if another kid declares something that is contrary to their religion?


I believe we can have a helpful, calm discussion about this aspect of parenting. :))
 

sonnyjane

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 13, 2008
Messages
2,476
JaneSmith|1409156824|3740165 said:
I need some perspectives and opinions please.
Parents, what do you tell your children (especially the young children) about other religions? If you are raising your child to believe in one particular religion and god, how do you go about telling your child that there are plenty of different religions, and many other kids at their school will believe that some other god is real and theirs is not. What do you tell your kid about respecting the right of others to believe what they want while still maintaining that their religion is the one that is real and true?
Basically, how do you tell your kids that they are right, the others are wrong, but don't be a dick about it? Do you just tell them to keep their religion to themselves?
Also, what do you tell them to say if another kid declares something that is contrary to their religion?


I believe we can have a helpful, calm discussion about this aspect of parenting. :))

Wow. I guess I never really thought about this but what a tricky spot to be in. I know you're not really supposed to talk about this here. I'll reply since I don't think it's crossing the line but if MODS decide otherwise, I apologize and feel free to delete!

I don't have kids but I can tell you how we were raised. My mom was raised Catholic and my dad wasn't very religious but did follow the principles of Buddhism and occasionally went to the temple. My mom would sometimes take us to church and my dad would sometimes take us to temple. I don't recall ever "believing" in either thing. I liked to go and sing songs and look at the windows and flowers and things like that, but I don't remember ever having a strong notion of either religion or of a god of any type. Eventually they divorced when I was 7 and gave up trying to raise us with any type of religion and I ended up being Atheist as an adult.

I think religion is inherently tricky that way... everyone believes their way is best, including Atheists I'll admit. I would probably encourage them to study the different religions and their principles (we actually had a religion class in 6th grade, but it was not a public school so they could get away with it). Maybe get them to see some positives in all of the religions but you could point out examples of why your beliefs work best for your family, etc.

I do know some families that have decided not to raise their (older) kids to be any religion even though they themselves are religious and let the children decide what they want to believe. If they want to come to church with them (and sometimes they do) then great, if not that's ok too. I like that approach.
 

Circe

Ideal_Rock
Trade
Joined
Apr 26, 2007
Messages
8,087
I think my first instinct is to say that you lose the battle for tolerance the second you start phrasing things in terms of an objective "right" and "wrong." Keep it subjective with "this is what *we* believe" while leaving the door open for other people to hew to what's theirs, if that makes sense?
 

TooPatient

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Sep 1, 2009
Messages
10,295
We try to avoid absolute right or wrong. We are Jewish and we believe this. Other people are whatever and they believe that. It is okay for people to believe differently. Always be respectful of what others choose to believe like you want them to be respectful of what we believe.

As different holidays and festivals cone up, we try to mention them so there is knowledge of different religions (I'm including atheists in this as not believing is just as valid and deserving of respect).

We've also tried to make it clear that talking about is okay but not if someone else is uncomfortable. It is okay to answer or ask questions but only in a respectful way. No one should ever feel that it is implied one or another is bwmetter/worse than others.
 

kenny

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 30, 2005
Messages
33,225
See my sigline.
 

JulieN

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 25, 2005
Messages
13,375

purplesparklies

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 28, 2010
Messages
744
I do not go into right vs. wrong. I tell my children that families have different beliefs and different values just as they have different rules. Every family gets to choose how they live. We have our own beliefs and values and we may not agree with the beliefs and values of others. It is fine to disagree but we always respect others, regardless of whether their beliefs match ours.
 

sonnyjane

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 13, 2008
Messages
2,476
purplesparklies|1409171620|3740333 said:
I do not go into right vs. wrong. I tell my children that families have different beliefs and different values just as they have different rules. Every family gets to choose how they live. We have our own beliefs and values and we may not agree with the beliefs and values of others. It is fine to disagree but we always respect others, regardless of whether their beliefs match ours.

Totally perfect.
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 8, 2008
Messages
53,980
I'm not a parent but the way we were raised was learning there was no one better religion. And as long as one is a good person who is kind and respectful to others and gives back to society etc that is what matters. And that it doesn't matter what religion one practices or if they don't following any religion because that doesn't matter.

We were raised traditionally in that we did celebrate the holidays and I did attend religious school a few hours a week after my public school classes for learning purposes. My parents never taught us one religion was better or more right than another. We were never taught hate or intolerance.

I married a man who was raised (religious) Catholic because his mom is very religious and active in the church and that is how she raised her boys. My dh though always thought for himself and as an adult doesn't practice any religion.

What I dislike about religion (and my dh feels the same way) is that it serves to separate people and make some feel they are superior simply because of what religion they believe in. That is always what I did not care for regarding religion so while we still celebrate the "religious" holidays (both Catholic and Jewish) it is more about the traditions and bringing family together if you kwim.

My sister and her dh are also 2 different religions and they are bringing their girls up learning about both and the traditions they encompass. As well as learning about all religions around the world. All very healthy IMO and no one religion is touted as better or superior or right.

If only the whole world would follow that principle who knows what would happen. Maybe the excuse for wars would be diminished and the world would be a better, more loving, and tolerating place to be.
 

purplesparklies

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 28, 2010
Messages
744
I also teach my children that any topic, including religion, can be discussed with someone who is thoughtful and intelligent. Respect is a choice made by someone who is intelligent enough to understand that he/she does not have all of the answers. Those who feel a false sense of superior knowledge are those with whom many topics can not be discussed.
 

arkieb1

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
May 11, 2012
Messages
9,786
How do you know that you are right and everyone else is wrong? Isn't that a biased attitude to start with? Maybe the easiest way to explain it is that different people from different religions all have faith they just believe in different things.
 

monarch64

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 12, 2005
Messages
19,221
My child can choose for herself what she believes once she starts looking for answers. My husband and I come from different views but believe only in exposing her to both our traditions and practices and allowing her to explore for herself. I would never be so presumptuous to think I could "raise" another human being to believe exactly what I believe. Bottom line: we will tell her to treat people the way she would like to be treated. I think that's a generic enough all-encompassing way to approach it.
 

kenny

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 30, 2005
Messages
33,225
Seems like to really, fully, truly, sincerely believe a religion you have to also believe all others are wrong.

#1 world problem!!!!!

Like sex, alcohol, and politics, I see religion as a topic that a child's mind is not ready for.
(Unless you just want to create a carbon copy of yourself, not develop a separate new thinking individual) :knockout:
I think kids should not be exposed to any of these topics before late teens to early 20s.

Tobacco companies know they have to get kids before they can think, same with religions.
Sure, a few people start smoking or join their first religion as adults but exceptions do not vanish the generalization.
 

purplesparklies

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 28, 2010
Messages
744
I feel there needs to be open communication on any topic by the time a child is in their teens. I guarantee your kid will be hearing about sex, alcohol and politics from their friends in their early teens, if not before. If a parent isn't weighing in at the same time, the child is left to depend on the not so wise input of the friends. Not a good idea. If a child is old enough to ask, they are old enough for a thoughtful, appropriate response. Your input will be significantly more effective if it is given out in small chunks on a frequent basis. There should not be "the talk" on one day at one time. It truly needs to be an ongoing dialogue on a multitude of subjects.

My kids have come up with very interesting and surprising questions on various topics. I want them to be thinkers so I often respond by telling them how people's opinions vary on the subject at hand. Some believe A because B, C, D. Others believe V because X, Y, Z. Dad and I believe L because M, N,O. What do you think? I am often surprised by their insightful responses.
 

packrat

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 12, 2008
Messages
10,614
I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness, so completely different than most. I was told ALL THE TIME that I was wrong. ALL THE TIME. And I would look at the person and say "Well...if I'm wrong, and that means you're right, why am I taught to accept other people and their differences and taught to accept that not everyone believes what I do, and you're taught to tell other people they're wrong and not accept me because I'm different than you and I don't believe the same thing as you?" aaaand I was like...seven. And grown adults were so sure in their piety, they would all but SPIT on me...which again, proved my point. And they sooo didn't like that.

JD was raised Catholic, and taught he was right, everyone else is wrong. Now, we don't have any religion that we practice, other than my religion of BEING NICE, and we teach our children that everyone is different, nobody is right, nobody is wrong. I'd never tell my kids they were just inherently "right" because that means others are inherently "wrong".

And, I fully admit to my kids that I don't know. B/c I don't. I tell them I don't know what I believe. B/c I don't. And I tell them it's fine if they don't know either. London insists there is a God, and she says when we die, we go to Heaven. She was not taught that from me or JD. B/c I don't believe in Heaven. She asked me, I told her how I feel, she said "It's ok if you don't know what I know, we can be different".
 

TooPatient

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Sep 1, 2009
Messages
10,295
kenny|1409179702|3740415 said:
Seems like to really, fully, truly, sincerely believe a religion you have to also believe all others are wrong.

#1 world problem!!!!!

Like sex, alcohol, and politics, I see religion as a topic that a child's mind is not ready for.
(Unless you just want to create a carbon copy of yourself, not develop a separate new thinking individual) :knockout:
I think kids should not be exposed to any of these topics before late teens to early 20s.

Tobacco companies know they have to get kids before they can think, same with religions.
Sure, a few people start smoking or join their first religion as adults but exceptions do not vanish the generalization.

Why?

Who says there is ONE correct religion? Who says that they aren't just different views of some unified thing? How come in order for one person to believe in something of their choosing, that means that all others are wrong?

I don't think your statement is true. Just like each family has different views on how to raise kids, what movies are okay or not, cats or dogs or no pets, long or short hair, etc.

Just like it is no more "right" to teach a child all religions and let them choose than it is to teach one religion or no religion.

It isn't math. There can be more than one "right" answer.
Heck.... you could argue it is math -- one "right" answer but infinite ways of getting to it.


Raising a kid to believe in your family's choice of religion (or non-religion) is, for many people, a big part of raising a child. It takes a very caring, responsible parent to take the time to introduce respect for other religions while still instilling a solid belief.
 

TooPatient

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Sep 1, 2009
Messages
10,295
purplesparklies|1409181862|3740441 said:
I feel there needs to be open communication on any topic by the time a child is in their teens. I guarantee your kid will be hearing about sex, alcohol and politics from their friends in their early teens, if not before. If a parent isn't weighing in at the same time, the child is left to depend on the not so wise input of the friends. Not a good idea. If a child is old enough to ask, they are old enough for a thoughtful, appropriate response. Your input will be significantly more effective if it is given out in small chunks on a frequent basis. There should not be "the talk" on one day at one time. It truly needs to be an ongoing dialogue on a multitude of subjects.

My kids have come up with very interesting and surprising questions on various topics. I want them to be thinkers so I often respond by telling them how people's opinions vary on the subject at hand. Some believe A because B, C, D. Others believe V because X, Y, Z. Dad and I believe L because M, N,O. What do you think? I am often surprised by their insightful responses.

This exactly!

I've got 3 teenage girls out in my living room right now. They know people their age (14-15) who have had sex, are seriously dating, have parents who do drugs, and more. They ARE talking about it. How am I sure? Just a few weeks ago, I got to spend 10 hours (5 each way) in a car alone with two of them and they got talking and forgot I was there driving...

Your "some people believe...." approach is sort of what we do with "A". I've watched other parents do it with younger kids too.
 

distracts

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Oct 11, 2011
Messages
6,131
AHAHHAHAHA I don't know that I'll be able to manage not being a dick about it. I'll probably raise the next Richard Dawkins. :halo:

They need to respect what other people believe because it's a basic social nicety. People are entitled to wrong beliefs just as they are entitled to right ones. If they are open to talking about their beliefs, you may engage them in civil debate and attempt to change their mind. You will probably not succeed. But don't worry about it. You'll encounter many people with beliefs much more obviously incorrect than their religious affiliation over the course of your lifetime. Let them go along their merry little way believing whatever weird stuff they want to.

(I actually don't get why any religious person would raise their kid to believe all religions are equally valid. Like... why even bother then? Isn't that basically agnosticism with a security blanket and bit of community? You just picked it because you like it but it might all be a wash in the end? idgi???????????????)
 

packrat

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 12, 2008
Messages
10,614
I think it's more about raising them to understand that not everyone believes the same thing and THAT'S OKAY. Not so much that all religions are right. Not everyone believes the same thing about lots of things, and that's okay. It's important to respect other people's belief's, you don't have to believe in them yourself. I think X religion is the "right" one, but I can still respect that other's don't believe that, and that they believe Y or Z is the "right" one. Just common courtesy and respect for other people.
 

smitcompton

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 11, 2006
Messages
3,254
Hi,

First of all, I don't recall the discussion of differences in religion even coming up until I was a teenager. My father went to a Lutheran
parochial school and became anti church, but my parents believed we needed a religious education. So we had to go to Sunday school and church, even if they didn't. When I asked them about other religions they would say, "We all believe in God, and that's all that matters",

There were no atheists in my neighborhood. Actually, the God that is worshiped is supposed to be the one God for the main religions.
Even Islam is born from a branch of Judism (SP). I thought that was a good answer.

While I had a good religious education, I'm in the Kenny camp now. The world makes much more sense without the God stuff.


Annette
 

iLander

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 23, 2010
Messages
6,731
Never mind, not touching this one.
 

Sky56

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 27, 2010
Messages
1,040
lol, not really touching this one either. I believe in God and in a specific religion...but I don't say mine is the only one true way. I see a lot of things in other religions which resonate with me. kenny is right about this...the way religion separates people and is a source of hatred and bigotry, not to mention killing, wars, etc. is the biggest problem with organized religion. Obnoxious people foist their religion on others.
 

JaneSmith

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 11, 2012
Messages
1,589
Thank you all very much for your replies. I enjoy seeing everyone's opinion. Apologies for not getting back sooner. :oops:

I was not suggesting myself that there is only one right and true religion, only stating that many people do believe this. I am truly only interested in the parenting aspect, not a philosophical or theological debate (not allowed on PS anyway).

Has anyone dealt with a scenario like this hypothetical: kid comes home from school talking about how you go to heaven when you die, but your religion teaches about a different afterlife. What do you tell your kid? And, do you tell them to not go and 'correct' the other kid?
 

ponder

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Mar 5, 2009
Messages
748
I personally believe that god has revealed himself to different people(s) in different ways forming the basis for different religions. This helps to reinforce the way that I teach my children that no one religion is superior or correct or even necessary to have a relationship with god.
 

yennyfire

Ideal_Rock
Trade
Joined
Jun 6, 2010
Messages
6,872
purplesparklies|1409171620|3740333 said:
I do not go into right vs. wrong. I tell my children that families have different beliefs and different values just as they have different rules. Every family gets to choose how they live. We have our own beliefs and values and we may not agree with the beliefs and values of others. It is fine to disagree but we always respect others, regardless of whether their beliefs match ours.
This, exactly!
 
Be a part of the community Get 3 HCA Results
Top