My rabbit died

[Tanzigrrl]

Hi Distracts, They are special little creatures. I had no idea I was a "rabbit person" until I had Oliver. Now I cannot imagine my life without a rabbit in it. In fact, I sort of used that description to convince those around me who thought I rushed into a new relationship with a new rabbit too soon. I adopted Oliver on a whim and then he became such a special part of my life that I didn't want to be without a rabbit just because he could no longer be here, himself. Kind of like on a long standing soap opera or TV series or something where a lead actor/actress leaves and there is a caption at the bottom of the screen that says, "the role of so and so will now be played by so and so." Well, the part of the house rabbit is now played by Mimi and she's doing a great job at it! The rabbit is a permanent position in our household and it's important to me that the role is always filled.

They are sensitive and somewhat high-maintenance creatures health-wise. I was even receiving bills from the ER vet hospital a month after Oliver passed. That was extra sad. I am good at administering critical care formula one-handedly while keeping a bunny in a towel "burrito." I also gave Oliver subcutaneous shots of Reglan on a near weekly basis. I had vet prescribed needles and GI drugs on hand ready for his next bout of stasis. It's amazing how crazy it got toward the end of his life.

Oliver and Mimi both enjoy having their whiskers stroked. Each bunny is different, though. Oliver hated to be picked up and Mimi's favorite pass time is being picked up and carried around the house. She especially likes being held up to the mirror in the dining room and being told what a pretty bunny she is. I like your idea of using Gwen's fur in a locket.

When Oliver died, he took a part of me with him. As time has gone by and as I've formed a new bond with a special bunny, Mimi, I feel his love warmly and it doesn't hurt to think about him anymore, at least not the way it used to. I never would have imagined getting a new bunny the day after Oliver died but I did and it worked out. See how you feel about everything and see where the path leads you. I personally knew I needed another bunny to help fill the tremendous hole Oliver left.

I am attaching some funny pictures of Mimi to hopefully help you to smile on this particularly dark day. I'm always ready to talk about bunnies if you are.

Take care!

 

[Gypsy]

I'm not touching the dog issue. I can see both sides. The dog is obviously not in an environment that is best for him. One owner is negligent to the point of not feeding the dog for a week. The other one apathetic at best, and right now... filled with rage at worst. I can see waiting to re-home and I can see re-homing now.

But I agree with MZ about the marriage issue. This is a betrayal and a deep one. And I think counseling is a great idea. I REALLY think you should look into that distracts.

Also, the Edible Arrangements thing? Would only fuel my range. It's not cute. It's not the dog's freaking fault. It's his fault. And it's not going away and it's not a 'send flowers and make it all better' thing. I would ram that arrangement down his throat if it were me.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Distracts, sorry to hear this news .. BIG HUGS.

 

[OreoRosies86]

He sent an edible arrangement in the dog's name? That just filled me with rage for you!

What the &@$!

We aren't talking about a comforter that got peed on. This isn't funny, or a "whoops" moment. How insensitive can a person be?

I'm sorry, but does he understand that pets are not toys? They have lives and feelings and needs that need to be respected? Because if my guy's dog killed one of my cats and he sent a $&@! flower arrangement in the dog's name when HE was responsible I would throw it in the garbage and tell him to get a hotel room for the night. Does he expect you to go "Oh, tee hee, all is forgiven, let me get back to feeding and caring for your animal since you apparently can't be bothered."

 

[Calliecake]

Distracts, I'm so so sorry! I wish I could take away your pain. Please take good care of yourself. Hugs

 

[CJ2008]

Oh, Distracts, I am so mad at your husband right now...

I don't know if he's normally a sensitive person or not...or if this "in line" with who he is or totally uncharacteristic of him...

But either way it's very clear that you and him and not on the same page as to the level of pain and how tragic this situation was, on so many levels...

I just can't imagine how you must be feeling right now...I think I'd feel so...alone...

Hopefully posting here is helping, and we're all giving you perspectives to think about and consider, and also a place to grieve about your little rabbit.

 

[iLander]

The OP was too painful for me read all the way through . . .

My sympathies on your loss, it's a shame. My heart goes out to you.

 

[Circe]

Put me in the camp of WUT. I ... am sure his heart is in the right place, but no, not cool.

I kinda think in a situation like this, the person who feels most strongly gets the final say. If he's at the "bouquet made of fruit" level (by my lights, reserved for Secretary's Day, the baby showers of people I don't know that well, and as diet encouragement for my friends who reallyreallyreally like kiwi) and you are roughly at the place I was when my cat died (I'd put it at 2nd worst thing ever, and it's not for a lack of competition, unfortunately ... I just really loved that damn cat), you get emperor's veto. Dog gets boarded. Or you get a stay at an extremely nice spa so as to avoid flashbacks - on his dime, natch - while he figures out his shit. MEN. WTF is he THINKING?

 

[Kaleigh]

I am sooooo sorry. I couldn't read the rest of the thread because it had me to tears. I send you hugs and love

 

[distracts]

Oh, Distracts, I am so mad at your husband right now...

I don't know if he's normally a sensitive person or not...or if this "in line" with who he is or totally uncharacteristic of him...

It is SO uncharacteristic - normally he gets what I'm feeling and how to behave and so it's like EXTRA upsetting? But also I know that he sucks at everything when he's upset. It's just normally only one of us is ever extremely upset and stressed out at a time because the things that upset us are normally very different. I know he feels guilty and is scared for his dog and scared for how this will impact our relationship but... like... let's not compound it by continuing to make decisions that weren't well thought-out. (The fruit basket itself wasn't a horrible idea... he knows I like fruit baskets more than flowers because it makes me sad that the flowers die. So there was probably some logic there about the choice of thing. But signing it from the dog? I am at the place where even listening to her go in and out of the dog door was filling me with visions of strangling her with her leash, so.)

And I don't know what I want to do about anything right now. I agree that rushing the decision on the dog wouldn't be good - not for the dog, not for me and the guilt I would feel, and not for the relationship.

Right after my last post I packed up and went to stay with my parents. They and my brother and future sis-in-law came over last night to help and hug. I was trying to stay at home but I just can't handle it right now. Of course, staying in my old bedroom brings up questions like "where the heck did I used to plug in my ipad? Oh, that's right, I didn't have an ipad. Where'd I plug in my phone? Jesus, I probably didn't read books on my phone back then so I bet the battery lasted way longer. Where'd my tv go? Oh, that's right, my parents moved it to the living room because it was nicer than theirs." etc. However I've now got my Design Within Reach dresser with the amazing drawer sliding action (like, guys, just go to DWR and slide out a drawer. It's heavenly) that I got at a resale shop for $150 (that is literally less than ten percent of the sticker price) because the back was chipped. The back. That you can't even see. So anyway, yeah,whenever I feel an overwhelming amount of sadness or rage I pull out one of those drawers because it's impossible to sustain negativity in the face of such drawer-pull-mechanism perfection. This is possibly a horribly dysfunctional coping tactic.

Thanks to anyone reading my word vomit. It really, really helps me to write out all my thoughts and to hear that I'm not totally crazy and that some of you have gone through kind of similar things before. Everyone on PS always seems so wise in these threads! I love you all!

 

[AGBF]

distracts-

I am very, very sorry for your loss and your trauma. I cannot bear to think about what happened to your rabbit, which is why I didn't open this thread in the first place. It is awful beyond words. My worst nightmare. Yet I would never blame the poor dog. Dogs are dogs. If it were my husband who did that, he would, now, be in fear of his life. What part of "responsibility for life" doesn't he get? This is his fault. He can't be trusted. I'd keep the dog and put him out forever.

Deb

 

[CJ2008]

Oh, Distracts, I am so mad at your husband right now...

I don't know if he's normally a sensitive person or not...or if this "in line" with who he is or totally uncharacteristic of him...

It is SO uncharacteristic - normally he gets what I'm feeling and how to behave and so it's like EXTRA upsetting? But also I know that he sucks at everything when he's upset. It's just normally only one of us is ever extremely upset and stressed out at a time because the things that upset us are normally very different. I know he feels guilty and is scared for his dog and scared for how this will impact our relationship but... like... let's not compound it by continuing to make decisions that weren't well thought-out. (The fruit basket itself wasn't a horrible idea... he knows I like fruit baskets more than flowers because it makes me sad that the flowers die. So there was probably some logic there about the choice of thing. But signing it from the dog? I am at the place where even listening to her go in and out of the dog door was filling me with visions of strangling her with her leash, so.)

And I don't know what I want to do about anything right now. I agree that rushing the decision on the dog wouldn't be good - not for the dog, not for me and the guilt I would feel, and not for the relationship.

Right after my last post I packed up and went to stay with my parents. They and my brother and future sis-in-law came over last night to help and hug. I was trying to stay at home but I just can't handle it right now. Of course, staying in my old bedroom brings up questions like "where the heck did I used to plug in my ipad? Oh, that's right, I didn't have an ipad. Where'd I plug in my phone? Jesus, I probably didn't read books on my phone back then so I bet the battery lasted way longer. Where'd my tv go? Oh, that's right, my parents moved it to the living room because it was nicer than theirs." etc. However I've now got my Design Within Reach dresser with the amazing drawer sliding action (like, guys, just go to DWR and slide out a drawer. It's heavenly) that I got at a resale shop for $150 (that is literally less than ten percent of the sticker price) because the back was chipped. The back. That you can't even see. So anyway, yeah,whenever I feel an overwhelming amount of sadness or rage I pull out one of those drawers because it's impossible to sustain negativity in the face of such drawer-pull-mechanism perfection. This is possibly a horribly dysfunctional coping tactic.

Thanks to anyone reading my word vomit. It really, really helps me to write out all my thoughts and to hear that I'm not totally crazy and that some of you have gone through kind of similar things before. Everyone on PS always seems so wise in these threads! I love you all!

I am so glad to hear this is UNcharacteristic of him because in the bigger picture, well, I am just glad about that for you...and at the same time, I totally also understand and feel like it makes it WORSE that he's just...not getting this.

I am glad you put some distance between you, so you can process, and think...calmly...without the weight of further annoyances or disappointments. And maybe will also give him a chance to process more, too, without the pressure of thinking of what he could do for you and (obviously) getting it so...WRONG.

I do think if this is uncharacteristic of him, coupled with the fear he's feeling about the dog, and about how you're going to feel about the relationship and him after all this...this is a situation riddled with emotional minefields...but that as soon as you're genuinely able to, you might want to write him a letter and explain the level of what you're feeling...I hope you will eventually be able to come together on this and work through all your feelings. And also make some decisions about what needs to change...including doing whatever is necessary to remember and do his share in the care of the dog...(ETA if you do end up deciding to keep her...)

I find the same comfort here in PS, Distracts, so I am so glad to be able to give it back once in a while!

Hugs.

(ETA next time I see a DWR store, I will make sure to try the drawers!)

 

[Candygrl]

Oh no my heart breaks for your loss. The neighbor cat killed my bunny so I can relate Gosh I don't even know what to say, I can completely understand how much rage and anger you feel. Just awful, and it seems so horribly disrespectful. Gosh I'm so sad for you, big hugs

 

[TooPatient]

I am so sorry for your loss. It is my worst nightmare that something preventable hurts one of our cats or dogs. They are special parts of our family and I love each so very much.

One of our dogs killing a cat is my biggest worry. She has gotten older and tries to go after them sometimes. Luckily, she's gotten slower and clumsy so they have been okay. She'll do this with us in the room. Heck... She will try to grab a cat off my lap! I don't know what I'll do if she ever manages to hurt one of the cats. She has been my puppy for 18+ years. The cats were all rescues too and are just as much family as she is.
Anyway, I just mention this because I think about "what if..." often and it breaks my heart to even go there. Please take your time in deciding. Give yourself time to get past the shock. Maybe even see a good therapist to talk out some possibilities. Consider training classes for the dog. Maybe they can help teach leaving animals alone. Your DH needs to go and learn the full size of his responsibility to an animal -- even if you re-home the dog, he needs to learn this for the benefit of any animal you bring into your home. You should try the dog training too. It may help begin the process of healing -- when/if you feel ready.

Please take care of yourself.

 

[JewelFreak]

Just checking in again, Distracts, because I'm still thinking about you. Your decision to go to your parents for a bit is a very wise one -- thank goodness they live near enough so you can. Time away to catch your breath can be a sanity saver.

Your husband obviously feels guilty, whether or not he can say so -- the edible bouquet's meaning is plain, even if he's clumsy enough to sign the dog's name. I think it would take me quite some time to forgive this too. And I'd seriously question his fitness as a pet owner. Anybody who forgets to feed a dog for a week should not have one. Or anything else. But if you do re-home her, PLEASE take time & care to find her a responsible & loving family. She is helpless to help herself in life -- which is why she doesn't know enough to leave bunnies alone.

I loved this:

"Of course, staying in my old bedroom brings up questions like "where the heck did I used to plug in my ipad? Oh, that's right, I didn't have an ipad. Where'd I plug in my phone? Jesus, I probably didn't read books on my phone back then so I bet the battery lasted way longer. Where'd my tv go? Oh, that's right, my parents moved it to the living room because it was nicer than theirs." etc. However I've now got my Design Within Reach dresser with the amazing drawer sliding action (like, guys, just go to DWR and slide out a drawer. It's heavenly) that I got at a resale shop for $150 (that is literally less than ten percent of the sticker price) because the back was chipped. The back. That you can't even see. So anyway, yeah,whenever I feel an overwhelming amount of sadness or rage I pull out one of those drawers because it's impossible to sustain negativity in the face of such drawer-pull-mechanism perfection."

You are a funny girl, even in distress. I just love you!

Since I've had serious depression since childhood, I have thought of you on that topic all day. If you generally feel so low, it sounds like meds or new meds would help. Something isn't doing the job for you & I deeply hope you have a dr. who can work with you on that. I do know exactly what you're going through & wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy (which you're not ).

Big hugs. Settle down in your oldtime bed & dream of the prom!

--- Laurie

 

[VapidLapid]

I'll add another voice, Distracts, to say how sad I am that this happened & I understand your grief completely. Been through unexpected & even preventable deaths of animals who were wrapped tightly around my heart too. It is so bloody hard to reconcile.

Please don't blame the dog, though. She was only being a dog -- they do what their DNA tells them to do. It isn't her fault. I know dogs well enough to be sure that, had she been able to understand what the bunny meant to you, she never would've touched it. Their goals do not include hurting people purposely. They're predators because they are created that way, just as tigers or wolves are. I know it's hard, but try not to hold it against her -- she wasn't being "naughty;" she was being a canine animal, nothing more.

Rip your DH a new one if it feels necessary. I'm sure he's heartbroken for the pain he caused you & feels awful about it. But I also know that's one that takes a long time to forget. Mine has done some careless things when caring for our animals that still make me mad after 20 years, so I push them out of my mind, or I'd kill him! I hate to say it, but often men are not as task-oriented with pets as women are.

Even one meeting with a pet-grief group might help. You're hurting so bad & I wish a simple hug of understanding & care would help. There's one in this message for you, just in case.

--- Laurie

+1

 

[MissGotRocks]

What a horrible, tragic thing! It really does make my heart hurt for you. I'm glad you've gone to your parents for a break. Now hubby will have no choice but to deal with caring for the dog. I hope he steps up and does this well.

Time is the only thing that will help your healing - and possibly another rabbit. To some it seems cold hearted like you're trying to replace one with the other but the truth is that it might be the only thing that will help your heart to heal. You obviously have lots of love to give and I'm sure a special little bunny would appreciate it and love you back.

I feel torn about the dog as well. He was just being a dog and can't be totally blamed for that. I hope your husband thinks long and hard about what to do as well so that you can both come to a reasonable conclusion - be it to keep him or not. I'm sure it has a large bearing on whether or not you decide to get another rabbit though - no one would want a repeat of this situation.

In time you'll be able to think more clearly - until then, big hugs to you! I am so terribly sorry for your loss.

 

[jaysonsmom]

So sorry for your loss.....losing a beloved pet is very hard (((hugs)))).

 

[JanesJewels]

Distracts, I am SO sorry about the loss of your darling bunny rabbit. Bunnies are my favorite animals. Yours sounds so special. What a lucky bunny, to be so loved. It sounds as if the end was quite quick.

Thank you for posting photos of your special one. I love them xxxx

Edit: Sorry, I've just realized the photos are of Tanzigirl's Mimi - who is gorgeous!

Distracts, can you post some photos of Gwen?

 

[hoover]

Distracts, I'm so sorry for your loss. Having had two bunnies, I understand that they are a special pet and the loss of a precious life is already difficult and what happened makes it even harder to deal with.

I am angry at your DH, sad for you and hope that you are coping as best you can. I think some men are pretty clueless and I think my DH would do the same thing as yours with the fruit bouquet. The space will be good for both of you and hopefully your DH will step up and take responsibility for the dog - forgetting to feed it for a week is just unacceptable.

You will know when/if the time is right to open up your heart to another bunny. Big hugs to you. If opening and closing drawers is helping you through your grieving process, keep doing it!

 

[movie zombie]

I agree: the dog was being a dog.
however, because of "parental" lack of responsibility which your husband has a history of and the fact I think you'll never be able to cohabitate with that particular dog again, well, you could take the dog to the boarder and tell you husband the tab is on him and it is his responsibility to find the doggie a new home....or the tab is on him and you'll find doggie a new home.

i'm glad you got out of the house. it does give one pause to think.....perhaps it will give your husband time to think as well.

he, not the dog, owed you an apology and agree to make amends in whatever manner you see fit.

he may be a "good" guy but he is not responsible enough to have a pet [my god who forgets to feed their dog for a week!?] and the dog deserves a better life. he will need to go to a home w/o other pets. he will need a person who will love him for who he is and will play with him, take him on leash walks, etc.

again, it is not the dog's fault for being a dog. but I don't think it fair to expect you to forgive and forget and come home to take care of this dog for your husband.

please take care of yourself through this.

 

[Enerchi]

I am so sorry to read about the loss of your beloved Gwen, Distracts. What a horrific way to pass - I hope you can eventually put that image out of your mind... and replace it with the wonderful memories you have of her. I am so sad for you. To lose an innocent pet is painful. To lose one under tortuous circumstances that could have been preventable, that's just mind blowing. Please take as long as you need to grieve and do whatever it takes to get thru it. (((HUGS)))

Anything decided on now is done in haste and possibly a rash decision. Take your time, get the dog removed from your immediate vicinity, for both of your sakes, and just plan slowly for what is best for you and the dog.

As for DH - um - fruit? from the dog? oh good lord NO! That's just plain old stupidity!! He's trying... but its not in sync with what you need.
Maybe he'd like to go a week without food, or be boarded elsewhere WITH the dog!

Thinking of you...

 

[monarch64]

Distracts, I'm so very sorry to hear that your beloved rabbit is gone. I empathize with you. As for your husband...I'm sure he doesn't mean to hurt you any further. I hope you can work through this very traumatic issue. Big hugs.

 

[Rhea]

Distracts, I'm sorry for your loss. I'm at a bit of a loss on what to say, but wanted to post and add my support.

 

[Polished]

Distracts I knew you loved bunnies. I'm so sorry about what happened to dear Gwen. We have two golden Retrievers (one a pet rescue) who are extremely good natured. They have a revered respect for the cat and appear gentle and docile. However once my son told me that he took them over to their group house and they literally went bananas trying to get to the house's pet guinea pigs. Fortunately they were all on top of this and moved the guinea pigs to a safe hiding place. Even when they'd gone the dogs (particularly the dog rescue) set about demolishing the guinea pig home in an effort to make sure there was no guinea pig hiding there. I really think people can be lulled into a false sense of security with dogs because of the way they normally see them behave - before an instinct kicks in.

 

[MarionC]

I am so sorry to hear about your bunny - my daughter has a Flemish Giant whom we love so much. Until one lives with one they have no idea how amazing it is to share a house with a rabbit.

As for your dog - my dog literally almost killed one of my other dogs. My first reaction was to have him put down, but eventually I grew to love him again.
He has to have his own space as I no longer can trust him with other animals, but he is loyal to me so I have forgiven him for his instincts.

I hope everything in this situation resolves soon!

 

[momhappy]

It sounds like you made a good decision to just get away for a little while. You certainly need it…
I also have to agree with Gypsy about finding a new home for the dog. It's not that I would advocate for a rush decision after the rabbit incident, but it's more about the other things that you've said. A responsible, loving pet owner does not "forget" to feed their animals. Based on that information alone, I would suggest finding the dog a new home. I realize that it's probably not something that you want/need to deal with right now, but for everyone's health & happiness, I hope that you consider it in the near future.
Continued hugs to you and again, I feel for you and your loss. Years ago, I had a rabbit as a pet - they are very gently, loving creatures. I'm sure that yours will be missed.

 

[makemepretty]

It was an accident. Try to remember that. Your husband loves you, he wouldn't hurt you like this on purpose. Men do not think like women, they just don't... so the edible arrangement signed by the dog was not appropriate but he didn't know that. I could see my brother doing that for his wife, she always says how clueless he is about what's appropriate/funny/heartfelt. He honestly doesn't have a clue about that stuff. Your husband doesn't know how to fix this.

Accidents happen, I know, you probably aren't viewing this as an accident because it was preventable. But most accidents are, just something goes wrong. I remember seeing in the news about a father who left his newborn in the car instead of dropping her off at daycare. When he talked to his wife, she asked him how the daycare people liked their daughters new dress and then he remembered. The little girl didn't make it because of the hot weather, even though it wasn't that long in the car. I've always wondered how his wife could ever forgive him. They're still married and had more kids. I bet every day he wishes he could redo that day.

You're grieving now. Any loss is hard.

 

[missy]

Distracts, I have been thinking of you and just want you to know how very sorry and sad I am for you and sweet Gwen. I am glad you left for a while if it will bring you some space and perspective.

I didn't want to comment on your dh but suffice it to say I don't think he is responsible enough right now to have a dog or any other living animal to watch over. It is definitely not the dog's fault but instead the carelessness of your dh's actions. I cannot even begin to understand the fact he did not feed the dog for so long. IMO he should not be in charge of the care of any animal.

I just wanted to send you more gentle {hugs} and good thoughts for your healing as that is the most important thing right now.

 

[iluvshinythings]

I'm so sorry Distracts! Losing a pet is traumatic, but losing one in those circumstances is just awful. You have my sympathy and a hug. Take good care of yourself right now and do whatever it takes to make yourself feel better.