My rabbit died

[distracts]

This evening as I was getting ready to go out and see a friend, my husband let the dog in the house without checking that the bunny room door was closed (we have ONE RULE in this house. ONE. Check that the bunny door is closed before letting the dog in and check that the dog door is closed before letting the bunny out. It's an easy rule! You can see the bunny door from the dog door so it's not hard to mess up!). I've worked hard on training our dog to not want to immediately grab the bunny, but she can still only hold out a couple of minutes. So while I was showering, I suddenly heard this big commotion and hop out of the shower to find that, yes, the dog has climbed in the rabbit cage and gotten the rabbit. No skin was broken but she must have been internally injured because blood was coming out of her mouth. She was terrified and in so much pain. She wouldn't even let me pet her. She died within minutes.

Y'all have no idea how much this stupid little rabbit meant to me. She was literally the best pet. Not too clingy like a dog or too independent like a cat. She knew several commands and tricks and was learning more. She loved meeting new people and showing off for them. We had a huge rotation of people who were battling to petsit every time we went out of town - we called it the rabbit time-share. She had her favorite vet-tech at the vet and the one time the py had a different vet-tech do the initial part of her appointment, when she heard her regular guy out in the hall, she hopped across to the door, stood ip on her hind legs, and started pawing at it. (She was really good at recognizing people.) She loved to just sit in my lap and be petted. This afternoon we watched "Keeping the Faith," the romantic comedy with Ben Stiller, Jenna Elfman, and Ed Norton. Well, you know, I watched it and she got petted. Like, literally I loved her so much that waking up every morning felt like Christmas when you're a kid, only instead of going downstairs to open presents I got to go say hello to Gwen. I suffer from depression and even with medication and counseling there have always been many days when I just never got out of bed, but there were only a couple once I got Gwen because I was always so excited to get up and see her and do out morning routine. I thought I had loved my old cat, and I guess I did, but he never had as much impact on my life as the rabbit.

The worst thing about is that I have SO MUCH ANGER toward the dog and my husband and I'm not sure how to resolve it. I mean, I told my husband from day one of moving in that if the dog ever killed the rabbit, the dog was gone. And since I moved in, all the care of the dog has gradually fallen to me. Which, like, obviously isn't happening because the one glimpse I got of her after the incident filled me with homicidal rage. And like. I dunno. I needed to vent. I don't know what to do. Gwen was always a sickly rabbit so her death was something I was at least a little prepared for, but I thought it would be from getting sick, not from something so stupid and preventable as leaving a door open.

 

[Gypsy]

OMG. That's horrible distracts. And I am so sorry for your loss, and I totally understand what you mean about the rage. Because it was preventable. Not something outside your control.

Our dog once went after my Duncan. I was in a killing rage. So I really feel a lot of empathy for you. Not to mention watching him pass like that, helpless. I just wish I could give you a big hug.

 

[bling addict]

I am sorry for your loss. I don't have anything useful to add unfortunately, but wanted to offer my condolences. She sounds like a very sweet and special bunny.

 

[missy]

I am so sorry distracts. What a terrible tragedy. Keeping you in my thoughts.

 

[TC1987]

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's easy to understand why you feel so angry and betrayed. (((hugs))) Let the husband deal with his dog. I'd probably not speak to either of them for a month. There's no excuse. Sounds like he just didn't care enough.

 

[CrazyBirdLady]

Gosh I'm so sorry and I hope with a little time things will get easier.

 

[OreoRosies86]

Oh that is so sad... I don't know if I could live with an animal that killed either of my cats. I hope you are kind to yourself and however you feel going forward, what happened was certainly very traumatic.

 

[Andelain]

I'm so sorry.

 

[NOYFB]

I'm so sorry for your loss and totally understand your feelings of rage. I would be . Hugs to you, sweetie!

 

[Circe]

Distracts, that is awful beyond words - I am so very sorry. It's not the same, but 6 years ago, my cat died, quite unexpectedly, during a visit to the vet. She was only 9, it was a routine checkup, they took her away for a shot, she had a seizure. They let me see her, but told me she'd need time to recover, so they sent me home ... and an hour later, I got the call she was dying, and to come quick. I loved that cat like a piece of myself, and watching the light go out of her eyes was one of the most traumatic things that had happened to me at that point. It took a long time to grieve. For weeks, I was irrationally furious at the vet, the techs, the secretaries ... anybody who was even tangentially involved, because I needed some outlet for all of the uncontrollable emotions. Like you, I thought we would have more time. Processing the loss was ... hard. I cannot even imagine how angry you must be at the dog. Could your husband board him for a week to give you time to come to terms without feeling triggered every time you hear a bark? I also imagine he must be feeling incredibly guilty ... but priority #1 should be your emotional well-being right now, and if he makes any excuses to the contrary, screw that. Yes, it was an accident, yes, instincts, but right now you need time more than almost anything else, and I think you should get it. (And hugs. And red wine. And whatever other damn thing might make you feel even a little better in the immediate moments to follow.) Again, I am so, so sorry .

 

[chrono]

I am so very sorry. Given the pain and anger you are feeling now, I think the dog should be removed temporarily to give you the space to think and time to discuss with your spouse how the two of you are going to more forward. Either board the dog with a professional boarder or have it stay with other family/friends. This will help center you emotionally and be more calm/rational when discussion whether the dog stays or goes and who is to be responsible for the future care of the dog. Again, I am so very sorry.

 

[kgizo]

I am so sorry for the loss of Gwen. She sounded like a very special bunny. The flood of emotions when dealing with a loss can be difficult to handle. I believe you are in the DFW area like me. Our local SPCA has a grief counseling group that meets once a month and a phone # you can call and they will call you back w/in 24 hrs. I haven't used either resource so I can't give a personal reference, but given your situation with the dog and how upsetting everything is right now perhaps they can be of help to you.

 

[yssie]

Oh, god.


The cats' safety was my top priority when we brought the dogs home. They don't particularly like each other but they're willing to co-exist... and even having seen them all lounging in the same room for hours, having seen Gretta bat Bax's nose away when he gets too curious, having watched them all take turns drinking from the same water bowl... They are NEVER together unsupervised. When we leave the house the cats are upstairs and the dogs are downstairs and the door MUST BE SHUT, and we, like you, triple-check the darn thing before walking out.

I truly cannot imagine how I'd feel and react if one of the dogs did irreparable damage to one of the cats, but I'm certain fury and heartbreak would be at the top of the list. I love my dogs but I can definitely envision not wanting anything to do with them right then - boarding her for a few days sounds like a great idea, or maybe ship both the husband and the dog off to a pet-friendly hotel for the week


I'm so, so sorry you lost Gwen. She was obviously a dearly beloved friend I'll be thinking of you today.

 

[momhappy]

Oh, that's awful I'm so sorry for your loss. I wouldn't worry too much about your anger/resentment towards your DH & dog - I think that your feelings are perfectly normal. Give yourself some time to heal - hugs to you...

 

[luv2sparkle]

Distracts, I am so sorry. That is awful. I would be mad too. Hugs.

 

[JewelFreak]

I'll add another voice, Distracts, to say how sad I am that this happened & I understand your grief completely. Been through unexpected & even preventable deaths of animals who were wrapped tightly around my heart too. It is so bloody hard to reconcile.

Please don't blame the dog, though. She was only being a dog -- they do what their DNA tells them to do. It isn't her fault. I know dogs well enough to be sure that, had she been able to understand what the bunny meant to you, she never would've touched it. Their goals do not include hurting people purposely. They're predators because they are created that way, just as tigers or wolves are. I know it's hard, but try not to hold it against her -- she wasn't being "naughty;" she was being a canine animal, nothing more.

Rip your DH a new one if it feels necessary. I'm sure he's heartbroken for the pain he caused you & feels awful about it. But I also know that's one that takes a long time to forget. Mine has done some careless things when caring for our animals that still make me mad after 20 years, so I push them out of my mind, or I'd kill him! I hate to say it, but often men are not as task-oriented with pets as women are.

Even one meeting with a pet-grief group might help. You're hurting so bad & I wish a simple hug of understanding & care would help. There's one in this message for you, just in case.

--- Laurie

 

[movie zombie]

can't even begin to imagine....
RIP bunny: you were well loved and loved well.

ok, the dog needs to go.
while your rage may dissipate you will never be able to really love this dog.
find a good home for it....and tell you hubby he needs to be proactive in this as well.
no, he does not get a say in the matter: he knew the rule.
I don't know if he realizes this but this is a "trust" issue........and when trust in a marriage is broken it is not regained.

get to counseling for yourself.

and get another bunny! there are so many that need your love and you will love again.

but get that dog out of the house because a dog...and specifically this dog....will not be able to be trusted together and you cannot trust your husband to remember the rules.

I know I sound hard and critical. but I bond with my cats the way you do with your bunny.

given the care of the dog has fallen to you and it was your bunny you get to decide, not your husband.
if he really wanted the dog he would have continued to take care of it AND he would have made sure your bunny was safe.

i'm sure he feels terrible and is not going to be happy with the dog leaving. but you have a right to be in your own home w/o fear that your bunny will be hurt. and you can't do that now. you never will with a dog in the house.

again, i'm sorry you're going through this and i'm sorry for being so harsh on this matter.

 

[mr_kroshka]

Sorry for your loss. This is just so sad and painful.

 

[Dee*Jay]

Distracts, I am so sad and sorry to hear of your rabbbit passing in this way. You are prefectly right to be angry and I agree that the dog has to go. Please grieve in whatever way and as long as you feel is right, and then I hope you will get antoher bunny. Biggest hugs outgoing to you.

 

[lulu]

Distracts, I am very sorry for your loss. Please don't blame the dog. I have a new rescue dog who is very prey driven-it's in his dna. He'd kill a bunny or a squirrel in a heartbeat and there wouldn't be any malice in it. Thankfully, he's fine with the cats.

I understand being angry with your husband. My DH almost killed three of our cats once because he was careless with a topical flea medicine. I got past it but I keep an eye on him.

 

[yssie]

mz, I can't agree with this at all. I've had nightmares about going through exactly this with my cats and my dogs and oh, it's agonising I think Distracts needs some time (away from the dog!!) to heal, but I really don't think this is the moment to advocate for making any final decisions on getting rid of her.

The dog was... being a dog. And together Distracts and her DH agreed to care for the dog - which includes responsibility for the fact that she IS a dog with all her natural predatory instincts. That DH dumped so much of her care onto Distracts is, IMO, reprehensible, and I can only imagine that it's going to take a long, long time to forgive him for leaving that damned door open, but at the end of the day the fault for this tragedy lies solely with him. This isn't the dog's fault, and she's going to be the one most affected by any snap decisions re. re-homing.

The reality of this situation is that given how over-filled no-kill shelters are, an adult dog with (now) a history of harming other household pets is very unlikely to be accepted - and even if by some miracle they do find room for her, the odds of an adult dog with (now) a history of harming other household pets being adopted is pretty much rock bottom. There's no virtue in summarily sentencing her to a distressing, distressingly short life in a shelter because DH was a bloody idiot - at least not without a LOT of thought that just isn't possible in the immediate aftermath

 

[OreoRosies86]

I have to ultimately agree with Movie_Zombie. A dog that cannot co-exist peacefully with other animals (and in extremely tragic cases, babies and small children) needs to be rehomed to an enviroment where it will be the only animal, with owners who have the time and experience to handle a dog with a history.

It would be unfair for Distracts to have to continue living with the dog after what has happened, in the way that it would be unfair for a person who was bitten by their spouse's dog to have to live in fear and distrust. To live with that cloud of resentment isn't fair to anyone, including the dog.

I do agree that the shelter should be avoided at all costs. Yes the dog was being a dog and ultimately punishing the dog with a death sentence by way of the pound won't bring sweet Gwen back. Distract's husband should be willing to put his time and effort into finding a suitable adoptive home where the dog can live in safety and away from potential prey.

The rules were clear when the animals were homed together, and those rules were broken. Distact's bunny paid the price. Now sadly, her husband will have to pay his as well.

 

[maccers]

Distracts, I'm so sorry for your loss. That's truly traumatizing.

Take time to grieve and consider waiting to make any major decisions concerning the dog.

 

[CJ2008]

Oh, Distracts I can't even begin to understand how you must feel right now.

Aside from the grief to have that clouded with anger and rage, it must be such a painful feeling.

I am so so sorry for your rabbit. and for you

Understand that even when I see my cats going after lizards I don't like them very much in that moment (thankfully, I've been able to save every lizard...although one time one got nipped on the side pretty badly... But I just try to remember that they're being who they are, even if I don't like that side of them.

So I do think the dog was just being a dog...

Unless it's different with dogs, and that I'm not sure about. In other words I am not sure if there are dogs that are good with other animals and others not so much.

But even then, it was much more your husband's fault because you/he knew this dog could not be trusted with the rabbit. (although I want to say it may have been a careless mistake and nothing to do with not caring (not saying I wouldn't be just as angry and disappointed as you - I'm actually not sure it's something I could forgive unless I saw complete and utter sadness and guilt coming from my DH if he ever let something like that happen)

So I DO think you immediately need time away from the dog. Let you husband take the dog to a friend's house (where there's no other animals obviously) or to a boarding facility until you have time to process everything you feel and can make a clear decision.

And I hope your husband is offering to do whatever it is he could possibly to do to be supportive of you through this horrible tragedy.

Just do get some time away from the dog.

And if you have children, try not to say anything negative about the dog...or your husband, for that matter...again, until after you've processed everything and have a clear head.

Again, I am so sorry.

Edited for clarity

 

[yssie]

I want to clarify - I'm not suggesting that Distracts and DH do (or don't) keep the dog, but I am strongly recommending that they take some time to process before making any huge, final decisions. Re-homing a dog - into any new home - is a huge, final decision that deserves careful consideration, and I really don't think that's a reasonable expectation in the immediate aftermath of such a tragedy. Poor Gwen paid the price for DH's negligence, and if they do decide to re-home I hope they are able to find her a new environment that is appropriate, safe, and healthy, as Elliot said. My heart aches at the thought of their dog suffering too

Tragedy... really is the only word. What a horrible, horrible tragedy

 

[Tanzigrrl]

Distracts, I'm so, so sorry to hear this. I am a 2nd time rabbit owner. I lost my Oliver rabbit on 2/22/14. He had been sick most of his life. He lived to be just over 4 years old and I feel cheated because he should have made it at least 7 years (they say 7-10 for small/medium breeds). He had recurrent GI stasis and despite numerous tests, the rabbit specialist vet (who is very well known and well published) couldn't figure out why he kept going into stasis. We spent thousands upon thousands of dollars at the ER vet annually (I can't remember how many trips we made to the vet in the still of the night) and every time Oliver would bounce back like nothing had happened - until he had the last bout of it. I knew he was sick though, and I also knew I'd never have another rabbit after him. He had an exceptionally bad bout of stasis on February 21st and I lost him the very next day. I remember very vividly sitting in my bathtub sobbing the night of the 21st. I knew this time was different. I could feel it.

It hurt too much to even post about it here. This is, in fact, the first time I've mentioned it on here that I recall. The pain was immeasurable. He had such a huge personality in that 5 lb body. That animal and I were united through our souls. I've had dogs, cats, rats, birds, frogs - all kinds of pets - and nothing ever came close to the love I had for that rabbit.

I am fortunate in that I hired a professional pet photographer to take some amazing photos of him when he was healthy and I am grateful for those. I kept a whisker of his (for luck) too. I am also having a small gold necklace made in his likeness to remember him by.

And, of course, since I said I would never have another bunny after him, I adopted Mimi on 2/23/14. Yes. The day after Oliver died, I acquired a new rabbit. My friends and family thought I had lost my mind. I would never recommend this to anyone, but it worked for me. Oliver had been sick and I just needed to know that there were still healthy and happy bunnies in the world and I set out to find one. And, there she was. A female baby bunny just waiting to go home with me. She's not Oliver, but she's wonderful in her own way and I benefit from our friendship. For me, the only way I could move on was to get another rabbit. Oliver is irreplaceable but Mimi is a wonderful, loving, special little friend and I'm happy I adopted her.

I wish you the best and I'll be thinking of you during this difficult time.

 

[distracts]

I kinda feel like the worst part is that the whole reason I have taken over taking care of the dog is because my husband FORGOT. Once he forgot to feed her for nearly a week. Like. How??????? I am not a dog person at all. I never have been and never will be. I only ended up with one because we each had our pets when we started dating. But I took over because, well, I'm not heartless. I only mentioned several times that if he wasn't going to do any of the things to take care of her or play with her that we should rehome her. And now I hate myself for not insisting, because of COURSE he totally forgot about pet-related stuff again. I'm not even too surprised.

I just received an edible bouquet thing that is signed from the dog, so I am guessing that's my husband trying to keep her... He refused last night and this morning to take her to the boarders so I'm honestly not sure where that leaves us. Sorry for having a meltdown all over everyone, but thank you for your support and thoughtful comments. It's really helping me process. Hugs to all.

 

[partgypsy]

I totally understand the hurt and pain you feel, I am so sorry. When I was in HS, we had a chinchilla who had so much personality, all us kids I loved it to death. We also had one rule, for people to be careful (particularly my older brother) coming down the stairs because the chinchilla was allowed to roam free in the basement, and our brother in addition to wearing big combat boots, was very careless. Well sure enough, after we had chinchy for a couple years, brother steps on him running down the stairs. Didn't kill him outright, broke his jaw. We refused to euthanize (probably should have) and had 3 terrible days of trying to feed and give him water by dropper and keep him alive before he died. I had dreams and nightmares years afterwards about the incident, holding him in my arms when he passed. I know one should forgive and forget but I don't think I could ever entirely forgave him for that..
I know, not helping, other than to say I know your pain.

 

[distracts]

Distracts, I'm so, so sorry to hear this. I am a 2nd time rabbit owner. I lost my Oliver rabbit on 2/22/14. He had been sick most of his life. He lived to be just over 4 years old and I feel cheated because he should have made it at least 7 years (they say 7-10 for small/medium breeds). He had recurrent GI stasis and despite numerous tests, the rabbit specialist vet (who is very well known and well published) couldn't figure out why he kept going into stasis. We spent thousands upon thousands of dollars at the ER vet annually (I can't remember how many trips we made to the vet in the still of the night) and every time Oliver would bounce back like nothing had happened - until he had the last bout of it. I knew he was sick though, and I also knew I'd never have another rabbit after him. He had an exceptionally bad bout of stasis on February 21st and I lost him the very next day. I remember very vividly sitting in my bathtub sobbing the night of the 21st. I knew this time was different. I could feel it.

It hurt too much to even post about it here. This is, in fact, the first time I've mentioned it on here that I recall. The pain was immeasurable. He had such a huge personality in that 5 lb body. That animal and I were united through our souls. I've had dogs, cats, rats, birds, frogs - all kinds of pets - and nothing ever came close to the love I had for that rabbit.

I am fortunate in that I hired a professional pet photographer to take some amazing photos of him when he was healthy and I am grateful for those. I kept a whisker of his (for luck) too. I am also having a small gold necklace made in his likeness to remember him by.

And, of course, since I said I would never have another bunny after him, I adopted Mimi on 2/23/14. Yes. The day after Oliver died, I acquired a new rabbit. My friends and family thought I had lost my mind. I would never recommend this to anyone, but it worked for me. Oliver had been sick and I just needed to know that there were still healthy and happy bunnies in the world and I set out to find one. And, there she was. A female baby bunny just waiting to go home with me. She's not Oliver, but she's wonderful in her own way and I benefit from our friendship. For me, the only way I could move on was to get another rabbit. Oliver is irreplaceable but Mimi is a wonderful, loving, special little friend and I'm happy I adopted her.

I wish you the best and I'll be thinking of you during this difficult time.

Tanzigrrl, I was hoping you would comment since I knew you had a rabbit. I'm so sorry to hear about Oliver! He was a beautiful rabbit. Gwen was just over 4 as well. She had recurring upper respiratory infections that no amount of antibiotics would kick. It wasn't really expensive to treat (probably just about. $300-$400 a year) but a couple of weeks out of the year would be spent force-feeding her and giving her fluid injections since the antibiotics would put her off her food. So I know when you put that level of care into the little bunny and see them bounce back so many times it seems extra wasteful when they die because you have recurring proof that they're little fighters. And I told her repeatedly that we had a deal that she wasn't allowed to die until she was ten.

I know exactly what you mean about feeling united through our souls. That's a very good way to put it.

I didn't think about keeping a whisker! I got a fur clipping to put in a locket or something (and because I'm not sure what I'll do without my whole house drowning in rabbit fur all the time). She hated it if I touched her whiskers so I can't imagine doing that even in death!

 

[yssie]

I kinda feel like the worst part is that the whole reason I have taken over taking care of the dog is because my husband FORGOT. Once he forgot to feed her for nearly a week. Like. How??????? I am not a dog person at all. I never have been and never will be. I only ended up with one because we each had our pets when we started dating. But I took over because, well, I'm not heartless. I only mentioned several times that if he wasn't going to do any of the things to take care of her or play with her that we should rehome her. And now I hate myself for not insisting, because of COURSE he totally forgot about pet-related stuff again. I'm not even too surprised.

I just received an edible bouquet thing that is signed from the dog, so I am guessing that's my husband trying to keep her... He refused last night and this morning to take her to the boarders so I'm honestly not sure where that leaves us. Sorry for having a meltdown all over everyone, but thank you for your support and thoughtful comments. It's really helping me process. Hugs to all.

BIG ::HUGS:: Distracts

Okay, your DH is being a class A twit right now. He NEEDS to get that dog out of the house for at least a few days for your emotional health!! It sounds like he's been disgracefully negligent regarding caring for her for a long time now - you can't forget to feed a companion you love. You just can't.

I'm so sorry vent here as much as you like! Goodness knows I love my husband to bits but sometimes he can be such a dingbat and I'd love to strangle him - it's perfectly obvious to me and he just DOESN'T. GET. IT. In your case - well, he can continue to want to keep the dog, but he's proven himself incapable of addressing her needs and seeing to her well-being himself so in my opinion he's already ceded responsibility of her - to you. And Distracts... you're clearly the sort of person who wouldn't be able to take that sort of decision lightly even if you for some reason wanted to, and I'm completely sure that your heart will lead you into the right "next".

Edited.