shape
carat
color
clarity

Do men hit on you?

Kelinas

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 25, 2013
Messages
431
Yes.
I'm a Asian & Caucasian mix, short, petite with (for now) bright red hair.
I look even younger than I really am, so I get the college kids to fall for me, along with older men.

Do I enjoy it? Of course I do. Its always nice to realize that people are still attracted to you.
(Then again, I never leave my house in frumpy clothing.)
 

junebug17

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 17, 2009
Messages
14,128
Hell no - I was considered very pretty when I was younger and received a lot of attention, but that ship has sailed, those days are over, the sun has set on that - you get the point. I guess I'm not ugly but I haven't aged particularly well and I am certainly not turning heads these days. I was initially upset and unsettled about losing my looks, but I've grown to accept it. I have other things to focus on - and at least I have my health :cheeky: Sometimes I have dreams that I'm young and look the way I used to, and I'm very sad when I wake up. But life goes on and it ain't no big thing anymore. The really bad thing is my appearance formed the basis for a lot of my self-confidence and self-worth, and when my looks hit the highway I wasn't left with much else. Had to reinvent myself, and come up with other ways to feel good about myself. That's a work in progress for sure.

I remember reading an article featuring an interview with Jane Fonda, Dolly Parton, and Lily Tomlin. They were promoting the second 9 to 5 movie. The subject of being whistled at on the street came up. Jane Fonda said something to the effect that she wished someone would whistle at her every once in a while because she feels invisible. And this is Jane Fonda, who is still gorgeous! I found it kind of comforting that even Jane Fonda can feel unconfident about her looks.
 

AGBF

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 26, 2003
Messages
22,143
junebug17|1407553426|3728948 said:
Sometimes I have dreams that I'm young and look the way I used to, and I'm very sad when I wake up.

It's an ill wind that blows no good. I thought that this thread was simply going to depress me, but what you just wrote was therapeutic for me, junebug. ;)) I had never really realized that I had those dreams until I read what you wrote above. I often do, however. They do not seem terribly unrealistic and I do not feel terribly sad, so I never really stopped to think about them, but when I read what you wrote, I did stop to think. And it is interesting. They are simple, wish-fulfillment dreams. I also have simple wish-fulfillment dreams that I am petting my Newfoundland, Griffin. It isn't as if I couldn't do that at any point during the day. It is hardly something that is prohibited to me. Yet I frequently dream about him.

Thank you for sharing that information.

Deb :wavey:
 

pregcurious

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 18, 2009
Messages
6,724
Yes, but I have 2 kids and it feels mostly icky. I've also become more physically weak, so I always feel a little threatened.

When I was single, or even married without kids, it was flattering.
 

Sky56

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 27, 2010
Messages
1,040
I think personally dealing with the "woman aging/feeling invisible/ losing looks" issue is mostly about attitude.

I'm getting older, I look OK but see that my looks are on the declining side of the hill, and I have been in menopause for a long time. The reason it has not bothered me and I feel emotionally good is that I see the advantages. No more monthly periods - easier life, especially travel is easier.

In excellent health, I feel happy I am still alive and I want to live many more years, and if I do, the majority of my life will be spent as an old person. There is so much more I want to do, much of that entails doing my art and hobbies and travel.

Though I don't feel invisible, I like the sense of freedom that being older gives: I don't get harassed and followed on the street anymore by creeps. I feel more secure in general. I don't much relish sleeping like I used to do, as I feel my remaining time is more limited and I want to be there for every remaining minute to do the things I enjoy. All I really want is to remain healthy so I can continue that path.

It shocks me how many aging women I talk to tell me they feel distressed and unhealthy.
 

rosetta

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 7, 2010
Messages
3,417
Nope. They never really have. The only real male attention I have received is from men who have fallen in love with me. Of which, I know of only four. I married the last one. :))

My perception of self worth has almost no connection to my looks. I look ok, some may even say pretty or beautiful. I photograph surprisingly well. I just don't really and truly feel like the opinions of random strangers matter, so getting hit on means nothing to me.

Growing older is something I'm finding easy so far, though I'm only mid thirties so ask me a decade or two later! I'm not actively seeking out wrinkles by smoking or sunbathing obviously, but my only true wish is to stay healthy for as long as I can.

Edited for punctuation.
 

Tourmaline

Ideal_Rock
Trade
Joined
Nov 17, 2013
Messages
2,560
Before I met my husband 11 years ago, I got hit on ALL THE TIME. I was enthusiastic and engaging, and I think that's why. My weight fluctuated, and I found that the quality of men who hit on me increased with weight gain (interesting...like they were less shallow if they were still attracted to me when I was overweight). My husband FREAKED OUT about men hitting on me, to the point that I learned not to flirt at all, not to do anything that could be misconstrued as flirting, so as not to upset him. He backed up his jealousy, which came from a troubled childhood due to an ill mother, with being totally in love with me. Over time, he learned to trust me, but I never went back to being at all flirtatious. In fact, I get seriously uncomfortable when I witness married people flirting with people who are not their spouses. So I don't get hit on anymore and haven't for a long time, but my husband is totally into me, and I don't miss my previous life at all.
 

princesss

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 18, 2007
Messages
8,035
So, this is something I've been thinking about a lot lately.

I recently started work in an upscale hotel and (though it's not explicitly stated), keeping up my appearance is part of the job. It's an open secret that people either get hired for looks or experience, and when people hand in CVs the managers will ask us if the applicants are, "[hotel name] material". I would not say that I am necessarily as pretty as some of the other girls that work there (our hostesses are absolute knock outs), but I love to put on a black dress and do my make up and flirt a bit, so the job is a fairly natural environment for me. I get hit on a lot at work, and for the most part, I don't mind it. People are chatty and respectful and when I turn them down, they take it with good grace (and if they didn't, they'd be kicked out). It's never guys my age, though - usually they're about 7-10 years older than I am or 3-5 years younger.

But as somebody who doesn't think she's that pretty, this has been a bizarre mental shift. I mean, I think I'm attractive in a basic sense - I attract people to me, I'm always having a good time and people like friendly/fun people - but I would not say my looks are anything exceptional. But the mix of confidence (not in my looks, really, just in my value as a person and my general likability) and flirtatiousness means I can end up getting a lot of attention.

I don't know. Attractiveness is a weird thing.
 

junebug17

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 17, 2009
Messages
14,128
Sky56|1407576733|3729077 said:
… I like the sense of freedom that being older gives: I don't get harassed and followed on the street anymore by creeps… All I really want is to remain healthy so I can continue that path.

Yeah, this is how I'm feeling these days too…I'm dealing with family issues right now, so I don't really care about getting/looking older, there are other pressing issues for me to deal with. I was just thinking that maybe an appreciative glance every now and then might be nice, but on second thought I don't even care about that. It doesn't matter at this stage of the game, at all. My health is good, and that's the most important thing and what I care about these days.
 

Calliecake

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 7, 2014
Messages
9,229
Junebug, I think we are pretty close in age. I can totally understand what you are saying. I could have written your original post myself. The attention part doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would. I realized very early in my life that attention isn't always such a good thing. When I get attention now I always assume the guy must be crazy and he's only paying attention because I was kind. How I see myself bothers me much more. It's a strange feeling to walk by a mirror or window and being shocked by my appearance. I guess sometimes in my head I still feel like i look like I did at 30. Unfortunately mirrors don't lie. I think my self worth came in large part from my job and appearance. I quit working recently so now that both those areas of my life are very different, I definitely see it affecting my self confidence. I also am extremely grateful for my health. I wish we lived closer to each other. I'd love sit and have a cup of coffee with you.
 

packrat

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 12, 2008
Messages
10,614
Well, apparently JD still has it. He worked security for a concert thing our town puts on, Friday and Saturday night. There were 16k Fri and about 5k last night. He came home and was like yeaaaaaah you'll be glad to know I'm still hot. :loopy:
 

GliderPoss

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Sep 25, 2008
Messages
2,936
Nope, hadly ever! :(sad If I'm all dressed up, in the right environment with the right people then maybe a guy will catch my eye and try to chat me up but I don't go out all that much so it rarely happens. Also I'm always wearing my rings and hubby is quite tall & strong... :lol:
 

monarch64

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 12, 2005
Messages
19,219
packrat|1407704623|3729768 said:
Well, apparently JD still has it. He worked security for a concert thing our town puts on, Friday and Saturday night. There were 16k Fri and about 5k last night. He came home and was like yeaaaaaah you'll be glad to know I'm still hot. :loopy:

I want to know how much alcohol was involved! :lol: :wavey: Not because your husband isn't hot (I don't know, I've never met him!) but you know the concert atmosphere...lots of intoxicated fans getting all uninhibited! We're not talking about a random drugstore meetcute here! LOL
 

Dreamer_D

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 16, 2007
Messages
25,244
I have no clue! I don't think of other men in that way so I don't notice their behaviour one way or another. My husband seems to think from stories I tell that men hit on me, but who knows. I am pretty clueless in that regard at this point in my life.

I prefer men NOT hit on me anyways, because it feels nasty and disrespectful given that I wear a flashy wedding set and am clearly married.
 

partgypsy

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Nov 7, 2004
Messages
6,622
AGBF|1407494564|3728434 said:
Laila619|1407462254|3728263 said:
No, 'cause I'm heavily pregnant with twins and everywhere I go, I am usually with my two kids and/or my husband. Not exactly conducive to getting hit on!

When I was younger and single, yes.

It's probably only the the husband that deters the men. ;)) A huge number of men are attracted to pregnant women, and not because they are weirdos, either. Subconsciously, they are looking for some nurturing. Pregnant women are also at a child bearing age by definition. It is actually sort of sweet.

Deb :wavey:

Yeah one of the strangest times I was hit on, I walked to and was waiting to cross an intersection. I was in my second trimester in my late 30's. A good looking younger man in a suit actually runs to catch up with me, and starts a conversation with me at the intersection saying hi and how he is in town for a work meeting. I thought maybe he was just friendly because he was new to town, and I'm just nodding my head, when he starts telling me where he is staying, what hotel, and what was I doing. At that point the light changes and speechless I just start walking away without making eye contact. When I told a friend about it at the time, shocked that some guy would hit on a pregnant woman (plus I was wearing a wedding band), my friend said it was possible he didn't notice I was pregnant, so who knows. He actually was good looking so in other circumstances I would have really appreciated the attention!
 

partgypsy

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Nov 7, 2004
Messages
6,622
As far as men hitting on me, when I lived in the city there are always guys that say things on the street, on the subway etc, some things quite explicit maybe to get a reaction. It's a total turn off and if anything that makes a women do less eye contact and be more hardened. So I wore baggy clothes and tried to avoid any kind of attention.

Nowadays I'm in my later 40's, married with kids so if someone says something complimentary to me (whether it is a man or woman) I actually appreciate it now! People are constantly telling me I look way younger than my age. What I've been told from friends, after menopause you become invisible to men. So i'll enjoy it while it lasts.
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 8, 2008
Messages
53,980
Dreamer_D|1407729765|3730020 said:
I have no clue! I don't think of other men in that way so I don't notice their behaviour one way or another. My husband seems to think from stories I tell that men hit on me, but who knows. I am pretty clueless in that regard at this point in my life.

I prefer men NOT hit on me anyways, because it feels nasty and disrespectful given that I wear a flashy wedding set and am clearly married.

It depends on what your definition of getting hit on is. I think it is flattering for someone to do a little gentle flirting with the knowledge that it won't go anywhere. It's a compliment when it is done the right way. Of course we know what feels respectful and complimentary and when it is clearly icky. And I agree that I don't care for any the latter but I appreciate the former. ;))
 

junebug17

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 17, 2009
Messages
14,128
Calliecake|1407698135|3729730 said:
Junebug, I think we are pretty close in age. I can totally understand what you are saying. I could have written your original post myself. The attention part doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would. I realized very early in my life that attention isn't always such a good thing. When I get attention now I always assume the guy must be crazy and he's only paying attention because I was kind. How I see myself bothers me much more. It's a strange feeling to walk by a mirror or window and being shocked by my appearance. I guess sometimes in my head I still feel like i look like I did at 30. Unfortunately mirrors don't lie. I think my self worth came in large part from my job and appearance. I quit working recently so now that both those areas of my life are very different, I definitely see it affecting my self confidence. I also am extremely grateful for my health. I wish we lived closer to each other. I'd love sit and have a cup of coffee with you.

Just saw this - I can relate to much of your post too, Calliecake. I'm not a fan these days of mirrors, or of having my picture taken! Getting older is hard, you have to basically reinvent yourself in some ways. I wish we could get together too, I think we would have fun chatting with each other (and giving each other moral support lol)
 

MishB

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Aug 16, 2008
Messages
656
Sometimes yes. Some men do turn their heads to check me out on the street and at least twice in the last few months, when we have been out at a bar, my husband has come back from getting drinks to find someone trying to chat me up. I think I'm a little more than averagely attractive for my age, I look after myself and I have long, wavy (Duchess Kate) hair that men love. Also the way I dress, I'm curvy with a small waist and dress to accentuate it.
 

CJ2008

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Dec 31, 2006
Messages
4,750
I got hit on yesterday...

Funny thing is, I was wearing leggings, which I haven't done in a long time because I've gained some weight, so I've been feeling too self-conscious. Granted I was wearing them with a long-ish workout-type tank (doesn't quite cover my whole hips or butt) and I got stopped before I went into an establishment by a guy who was asking me questions about the place and then came out and said "to tell you the truth I was looking at you for other reasons" and gave me his card. Of course I ignored his comment I didn't want to invite any more, but yeah, he very clearly hit on me.

So note to ourselves, ladies: we have to enjoy whatever body we have at the moment. Someone, somewhere out there will think you look good, or nice, or attractive, or whatever (even if they don't always tell you.)

For me, what always catches my eye about any woman is one who takes the time to look put together, no matter her age. So maybe the trick is, the older we get, the more we need to try to look well kept.
 

Tacori E-ring

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 15, 2005
Messages
20,041
Rarely.
 

Calliecake

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 7, 2014
Messages
9,229
CJ2008|1408029728|3732308 said:
I got hit on yesterday...

Funny thing is, I was wearing leggings, which I haven't done in a long time because I've gained some weight, so I've been feeling too self-conscious. Granted I was wearing them with a long-ish workout-type tank (doesn't quite cover my whole hips or butt) and I got stopped before I went into an establishment by a guy who was asking me questions about the place and then came out and said "to tell you the truth I was looking at you for other reasons" and gave me his card. Of course I ignored his comment I didn't want to invite any more, but yeah, he very clearly hit on me.

So note to ourselves, ladies: we have to enjoy whatever body we have at the moment. Someone, somewhere out there will think you look good, or nice, or attractive, or whatever (even if they don't always tell you.)

For me, what always catches my eye about any woman is one who takes the time to look put together, no matter her age. So maybe the trick is, the older we get, the more we need to try to look well kept.


Hi CJ, Your last couple sentences really say it all! :angel:

Hi Junebug, I'm always here to give you moral support :wavey: I hope everything is going better with your mom.
 

Dreamer_D

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 16, 2007
Messages
25,244
missy|1407782839|3730322 said:
Dreamer_D|1407729765|3730020 said:
I have no clue! I don't think of other men in that way so I don't notice their behaviour one way or another. My husband seems to think from stories I tell that men hit on me, but who knows. I am pretty clueless in that regard at this point in my life.

I prefer men NOT hit on me anyways, because it feels nasty and disrespectful given that I wear a flashy wedding set and am clearly married.

It depends on what your definition of getting hit on is. I think it is flattering for someone to do a little gentle flirting with the knowledge that it won't go anywhere. It's a compliment when it is done the right way. Of course we know what feels respectful and complimentary and when it is clearly icky. And I agree that I don't care for any the latter but I appreciate the former. ;))

Maybe we define flirting differently. I think of it as exclusively aimed at exhibiting romantic or sexual interest. Simple warm enjoyment of one another's company is not flirting in my book. I enjoy such interactions with men or women!

I know many women love being flirted with and find it complimentary. I just don't! I prefer to flirt and carry on with my husband. No judgement. Just my preference.
 

qtiekiki

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 14, 2004
Messages
3,880
Dreamer_D|1407729765|3730020 said:
I have no clue! I don't think of other men in that way so I don't notice their behaviour one way or another. My husband seems to think from stories I tell that men hit on me, but who knows. I am pretty clueless in that regard at this point in my life.

^This is me too. It's probably also because I can care less if someone is flirting with me or hitting on me.
 
Be a part of the community Get 3 HCA Results
Top