Tired of defending myself!

[Sky56]

That's why one of the worst things a person can do is kill someone's joy. I can understand it if someone's joy is destructive. But attacking things such as reading, having more than a couple of cats, or hobbies & collecting - that is ~not~ right at all. I like how Gypsy handles her mother in a practical and assertive manner.

 

[Gypsy]

Sky... killing joy. That's exactly what it is.

As for the book burning. Yeah, my mom has a temper and she goes zero to nutz quickly. It was especially bad that a couple of the books she burned were library books (because that was the most affordable way to get the books). I can't tell you how I felt watching those books burn.

 

[Gypsy]

Gypsy OMG burned your books I like how you handle your mom, and I really like that you still show her love before leaving if she's doing something to upset you. I love cats too. I only have 2 right now, but growing up my stepmom had 9

Great advice from everyone, thank you!

I hope it was helpful. I always tell my mom I love her. She's very insecure. So I it took a lot of effort to make her realize that I love her, but that doesn't mean I have to put up with everything she does because of that love I have for her.

 

[azstonie]

Candygrl, just tell your mom that PS and diamonds are what's keeping your from going off the deep to spend all your money on coke and strippers . That will put it in perspective for her.

BWAHAHAHA, this is why I love the Diamond Hangout, hee!!!

Everyone has coping strategies. Mine include bling, PS, reading, walking and the beach. My family gives me krap for ANYTHING, I learned a long time to ago to just keep on keepin' on.

 

[Dreamer_D]

"Mom, you need to stop bugging me about my diamonds. This means a lot to me because it makes me feel constantly criticized and makes me feel bad about myself. From now on, if you mention my diamonds or jewelery in a negative light I am going to simply end the conversation and change the topic." Then follow through. It will take a while, but she will eventually learn your boundaries. And you will have learned a valuable lesson is setting boundaries and teaching people how to treat you.

Great pat response. I tried to say something similar upthread, but once again am just not as articulate as some of our wordsmiths/mavens here on PS. Dreamer, you and Circe are two posters whose words almost always resonate with me. So glad you continue to contribute to the community here!

ETA: and Gypsy (and heck, Kenny!)...I also always find your words refreshing and enlightening.

I am a real harbinger of positivity tonight...I had a stressful day with a sick child, so I guess I'm counting all my blessings and affirming where I can. Thanks for indulging me!

What an amazing compliment, monarch, thank you so much and I hope your kiddie is well soon, I know how stressful that is!

 

[Gem Queen]

Everyone thinks I'm nuts, too. Who cares.
Hello. My name is lauren and I am a jewelryaholic. Wlcome to my beautiful club.
I do sometimes hesitate to tell my husband when I make a big purchase..... Like a really big purchase.
So here is how it went.
Q How was the show?
A Pretty good. I bought something.
a few minutes later, I believe so that he can compose himself.
Q What did you buy this time?
A A 5 ct diamond!
Q What? I'm sure! That is ridiculous.
A Yeah, but it was a really good price.
Q How much is a good price?
A Well.... Karen bought a 4.30 emerald cut.
No further comment.
I always tell everyone that it's for my retirement. I will never lose money!
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

 

[Candygrl]

Gem Queen too funny

 

[tyty333]

I get really tired of people doing that, so I use a technique that is effective. I don't bring up subjects that they don't respect my love for, and if they bring them up, I cut short the conversation by either walking away, changing the subject, or saying one neutral sentence and then dropping it. If they are not family members, I drop the people as friends.

I do the same thing as Sky...learned this early on with the in-laws. Just because they want to discuss something doesnt mean I have
to. If they ask something give them a short "Yep" or "no" and get up and walk away. Mine get the hint but I'm sure you have to be
more blatant with some parents/people.

 

[Sky56]

^ The bad thing is that sometimes I forget to do the technique when caught off-guard and I get sucked in to discussing the subject! Afterwards, I kick myself for doing that and I am also left with fresh resentments for the "offenders." It's like I have to relearn the lesson over and over again. The good news is that I am getting more aware of all this and generally becoming more efficient at preserving my sanity and integrity as time goes on.

 

[TC1987]

...
She had 18 years to brainwash you, but now you're free.

If that doesn't work the next step is to tell her to mind her own ****ing business.
If that doesn't work the next step is to tell her to mind her own ****ING business.
...

(snort!) You DO have a way with words!

...
What happens in the privacy of homes is criminal.
How we protect the sanctity and privacy of family is criminal.

I would not go that far. But yes, some of them use "family" as an excuse to hang around too long, trying to be control freaks.

This is why I firmly advocate that the proper sizing of one's abode is: A minimum of 1000 sq. ft. per each occupant. With locking doors on every room. LOL

 

[stracci2000]

Sky... killing joy. That's exactly what it is.

As for the book burning. Yeah, my mom has a temper and she goes zero to nutz quickly. It was especially bad that a couple of the books she burned were library books (because that was the most affordable way to get the books). I can't tell you how I felt watching those books burn.

Oh Gypsy ,hearing that made my heart skip a beat. Books are treasured in my house. My Mom, who taught me to love reading, said "never throw a book away". But to burn them in front of you! So awful.......

 

[MarionC]

"Mom, you need to stop bugging me about my diamonds. This means a lot to me because it makes me feel constantly criticized and makes me feel bad about myself. From now on, if you mention my diamonds or jewelery in a negative light I am going to simply end the conversation and change the topic." Then follow through. It will take a while, but she will eventually learn your boundaries. And you will have learned a valuable lesson is setting boundaries and teaching people how to treat you.

Dreamer, great advice.

My daughter told me the same sort of thing and cut me off when I overstepped. It was painful for both of us. I had to finally accept her as an adult who does not need or want my unsolicited advice!

I am not always perfect and have to really work at keeping my mouth shut, but as time goes on she and I get closer and closer because we are really communicating.

This is an excellent script to follow.

 

[Candygrl]

Dreamer, great advice.

My daughter told me the same sort of thing and cut me off when I overstepped. It was painful for both of us. I had to finally accept her as an adult who does not need or want my unsolicited advice!

I am not always perfect and have to really work at keeping my mouth shut, but as time goes on she and I get closer and closer because we are really communicating.

This is an excellent script to follow.

I agree

 

[Dreamer_D]

Dreamer, great advice.

My daughter told me the same sort of thing and cut me off when I overstepped. It was painful for both of us. I had to finally accept her as an adult who does not need or want my unsolicited advice!

I am not always perfect and have to really work at keeping my mouth shut, but as time goes on she and I get closer and closer because we are really communicating.

This is an excellent script to follow.

I agree

I'm glad my own suffering journey is relatable

Jimmi it's really interesting to hear the "other side" so to speak. I know my mom found it hard at first too and has had to work hard at biting her tongue. But we are closer now, too. I will try to remember all of this when my own kids are grown!

 

[kgizo]

I find if I respond to the specifics in these situations it just leads to a lengthy debate. So now I say "life's too short to live my life and the one you want me to live, so I'm just going to live mine". And I just keep repeating it.

 

[movie zombie]

I find if I respond to the specifics in these situations it just leads to a lengthy debate. So now I say "life's too short to live my life and the one you want me to live, so I'm just going to live mine". And I just keep repeating it.[/quote]


that is a great one to use both to the other person and to oneself to reinforce resolve!
love it!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I will have to say that Dreamer and Gypsy's methods are loving but firm and a respectful way to handle the situation.

I never, ever talk about jewelry to my husband and I would recommend that most women do not make that mistake. Unless the man is interested in rocks and minerals or something, he probably won't be too interested in jewelry. My husband lets me pretty much buy whatever I want because I don't bug him. Some of the time I do like Gem Queen and just say after the fact...look at this! I got the greatest deal and couldn't pass it up! I reality, though, he doesn't notice jewelry so I could buy an endless number of pieces and he probably wouldn't notice!!! Fortunately I put the limits on myself in regard to spending. He doesn't usually ask, which is good for me!

I am very glad to have PS and PS friends to talk about jewelry with! I think that is why so many of us stay long after the project we first came for is completed.

 

[Sky56]

I agree. Unless people are rock hounds or jewelry nuts, I don't talk about jewelry much with people, and that includes my husband and friends. If people ask me questions about jewelry or ask for advice about it, I am happy to talk about it and help. One person, someone close to me, told me that diamonds are a ridiculous thing to buy because they look just like glass and that glass should be used instead in jewelry because diamonds are expensive. I know now to not discuss diamonds and gemstones with this person.