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Child's Birthday Party RSVP

Puppmom

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So I’ve got myself in a bit of a pickle. My son’s turning 4 and, for the first time, he wanted to invite his friends. He’s in daycare and the only means for me to communicate with the other parents is by putting a note in the child’s cubbie/mail slot. I decided to invite all of the children. There are 20. I crossed my fingers that maybe half would come at most. Well, here I am 4 days out and only 5 parents have responded (4 of them were “no”). I failed to put an RSVP date in the invite. Anyway, I don’t know if I’m having one classmate and parents attend or 15. At first I thought it was no big deal and we’ll just roll with it but then I realized it makes planning nearly impossible. No idea how much I need in the way of snacks, favors, games, cupcakes… What would you do? I thought about putting a copy of the invite in the cubbies with a note apologizing for not including an RSVP date and asking that they let me know as soon as possible. Do you think people will find that irritating? It’s just a birthday party so I’ve got no intentions of working anyone’s nerves just want to make sure I have enough of everything.

On a side note, is it normal that people don’t respond to invites?
 

missy

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Even if you had an RSVP date I find that parents are not always considerate in responding. I know this because my sister has thrown joint birthday parties for my nieces for the last 6 plus years and there are always inconsiderate people who show up without responding. My friends and colleagues with children experience this exact same phenomena/problem and I just don't get it. And then there are the people who bring guests who were not invited. Extra kids for example without even calling and asking if this is OK. We are not even talking casual at home parties but actual scheduled event catered parties not at home.

If this was my situation I would send them a note apologizing and asking them to please RSVP by a certain date.

Happy Birthday to your son and I hope he has a great party!
 

jaysonsmom

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puppmom|1406060587|3718465 said:
So I’ve got myself in a bit of a pickle. My son’s turning 4 and, for the first time, he wanted to invite his friends. He’s in daycare and the only means for me to communicate with the other parents is by putting a note in the child’s cubbie/mail slot. I decided to invite all of the children. There are 20. I crossed my fingers that maybe half would come at most. Well, here I am 4 days out and only 5 parents have responded (4 of them were “no”). I failed to put an RSVP date in the invite. Anyway, I don’t know if I’m having one classmate and parents attend or 15. At first I thought it was no big deal and we’ll just roll with it but then I realized it makes planning nearly impossible. No idea how much I need in the way of snacks, favors, games, cupcakes… What would you do? I thought about putting a copy of the invite in the cubbies with a note apologizing for not including an RSVP date and asking that they let me know as soon as possible. Do you think people will find that irritating? It’s just a birthday party so I’ve got no intentions of working anyone’s nerves just want to make sure I have enough of everything.

On a side note, is it normal that people don’t respond to invites?

I'm a planner and would go nuts if I were in your shoes. I don't think people would find it annoying to get a little reminder. Sometimes parents do forget to RSVP if the invites are handed out too far in advance. I've been known to get invites a month ahead, and completely forget to RSVP until an Evite reminder pops up 48 hours before the party!

Good luck and send out those notes ASAP!
 

tyty333

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I would not find it annoying to get a reminder. Did you give them an email/text number/cell number so they have multiply
ways to respond?

I pretty much assume if I dont hear from someone then they are not coming. I'll maybe plan for 1 extra person showing up
that didnt rsvp.

For my daughter's 6th bday, I invited all the girls from my daughters class (10) and only 2 RSVPed "yes". Seems like unless you
are close friends with the kids/parents that a lot of people won't come.

Edit - I think it is becoming the "norm" (well, in my area) that if you dont hear from someone then its a negative RSVP.
 

Jennifer W

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I always rsvp to kids' party invitations, because I figure people are trying to plan for space, games, food etc. My daughter invited her class to her last birthday party and everyone who was coming let me know. I put my cellphone no on the invitations, and everyone sent me a text to say they were or weren't coming along.

Interestingly, more people sent me a text to say their kid was coming than I actually invited... I was amused, and totally perplexed!
 

azstonie

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Former teacher here who says BLESS YOU for inviting each and every child. The hurt that children feel when left out is HORRIBLE.

You're a kind parent. Your child is in good hands :appl:

Re the RSVP, put another flyer in the cubbies with a YES or NO box, put a sticker on your child's box that matches a sticker on the YES/NO flyer so the parents can see to put it in the right cubbie.

It might work!
 

Tacori E-ring

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It is totally normal and rude. Out of the 4 RSVP parties I have thrown my DD (in two different states/regions of the US) I have never had everyone respond. I usually bring a few extra goodie bags just in case because there is usually a surprise. I always put a RSVP date but people forget or blow it off. I would plan for 15.
 

qtiekiki

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In my experience, typically only the kids who are pretty close to my kids will show up for the party. Also no one (from school) who didn't RVSP had eve shown up at our party. I just take no response as a "NO", but I am lazy to send a reminder. So if there are a handful of kids who are close to your son, then I would plan for that, just in case.

For my daughter's 6th birthday party, I only invited the two girls she talks about/plays with. But she is a summer baby, so it's not like the whole class knows she is having a party.

ETA: I had never received a NO RSVP from school "friends" for the 5 parties I've thrown since my kids started preschool.
 

kenny

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Maybe the problem, or part of it, is assuming everyone shares your understanding of the term RSVP.

I wasn't sure what exactly RSVP meant or is an acronym for.
I looked it up on Wiki and found a few surprises (see quote below).. like, these days some people feel an RSVP does not require a mandatory response whether or not you are attending ...

Perhaps this explains people not following RSVP protocol that posters apparently assume to be universally agreed-upon.
IOW, that gul-darnded People Vary thing once again rears it's annoying head.

I think many people did not have parents who taught them about the RSVP thing.
Mine didn't.
My parents would have seen RSVP as something for snobby rich people.
My parents' attitude towards "proper" people, the 'cultured' or the wealthy closely resembles the irreverence you see portrayed in old episodes of The Three Stooges.
If my dad got an invitation to something with an RSVP he'd absolutely not respond just on principle.
I never heard of RSVP till I was in my 20s, and only today looked it up.

SNIP from Wiki:
RSVP (invitations)
In the context of social invitations, RSVP is a request for a response from the invited person or people. It is an initialism derived from the French phrase répondez s'il vous plaît, meaning "please respond".[1]

Emily Post[edit]
The high society of England adopted French etiquette in the late 18th century, and the writings of Emily Post aim to offer a standard no more stringent than that tradition. Late 20th century editions building on her 1920s work say, e.g., that "Anyone receiving an invitation with an R.S.V.P. on it is obliged to reply....",[2] and some recent editions describe breaching this standard as "inexcusably rude".

Emily Post advises anyone receiving an invitation with an RSVP on it must reply promptly, and should reply within a month or two of receiving the invitation.[3]

Responding as notice of attending[edit]
While an RSVP request expects responses from both those attending and not attending - there is discussion suggesting many people misunderstand the concept and do not respond if they are not attending.[4]

RSVP, regrets only[edit]
The phrase "RSVP, regrets only," or simply "Regrets only," is a popular modern variation on the Emily Post RSVP. The intention is to say "you only need to reply if you are going to decline" with the effect "if you do not reply, that will be taken as an acceptance."

More specifically, if most invitations can be assumed to be accepted, a "regrets only" RSVP will reduce the communication required by both host and guests. The phrase "Regrets only" refers to the assumption that a decline will be worded with some variation of "We regret we cannot attend...," and it follows that if the guest intends to attend the event, any "regrets" will be missing from the reply.[5]

Save the date cards[edit]
Prior to receiving the RSVP invitation, the host may mail out a "save the date" card to advise the date and location of the party. This may be used when the event will be held in a distant location to allow for travel plans, such as a wedding, christening or any other important event.[6]
 

Rena7

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With my kids parties over the years (they are 17 & 15) I have found that most people do not RSVP. I just tried to guess. I usually had too much of everything but I always felt that was better than not enough.
 

tyty333

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Good point Kenny...as a Mom I'm going to make sure all my kids know what RSVP means before they fly the coop!

I don't think my parents taught me but somehow figured it out along the way.
 

arkieb1

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I think most parents know what RSVP means but they are too lazy or busy to bother, they don't get the note or put it somewhere and forget it, or they wait until right before the day to see if they are doing anything else and if they are not they just turn up to the party. Yes other people are rude. Put a reminder in the boxes and see what happens, if people don't know you then you might not get very many.

The thing that annoys me the most when we throw a kids party, is that a lot of my son's parents bring their other kids along without letting me know. So I invite 10 kids to a party and end up with 25 kids of all ages running around which can be dangerous, they all expect to be fed and they then turn around and expect a party box/treat or favour box for all of their uninvited children at the end. :shock: Like I said people these days are rude....
 

yennyfire

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I have thrown at least 10 RSVP type parties for my children and believe it or not, twice I've had people NOT RSVP but then show up for the party! Also, as my kids got older, it became harder to know if parents planned to stay or drop off. That makes planning food a challenge. Now that they are 7 and 9, I assume everyone is dropping off....rarely, a parent will stay and hang out.
I also always have enough extra food and an extra goody bag just in case someone extra shows up.

I find not RSVPing extremely rude. I do fairly elaborate parties for my kids. I did a "mock" sleepover for my daughter's 6th birthday where the party favors were handmade quilted sleeping bags/pillows for their dolls--I sew, so the cost was reasonable, just time consuming. For my son's 9th birthday, we did a Percy Jackson and the Lightening Thief theme and painted shields (plastic gold charger plates) and went on a "Quest" to find the lightening bolt, complete with challenges to find each clue (e.g.100 balloons, all with slips of paper in them, but only one had the clue on it, Medusa freeze tag, Hades dodge ball, etc.)....anyway, in planning these kinds of parties, it is really hard when I don't know how many to plan for. Drives me BATTY!!

I'd definitely copy the invitation and put a note on it asking people to RSVP by "X" date.
 

jaysonsmom

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As the kids get older, it gets even more tricky....Sometimes my kids don't even say anything, or give me the invitation they received until the party day has passed. Then I appear to be the "rude" parent who didn't bother to RSVP. I've also run into parents at school who ask me if my kids were planning to attend their kid's party that weekend, and I have a total blank look on my face, because I wasn't aware of an invite being sent home with my kids!
 

JewelFreak

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It stuns me how un-thoughtful people are. Didn't anybody get taught to put themselves in the other guy's shoes? Does it bother these parents when they have parties to have no idea how many to plan for? Maybe they just take it as normal. It's not. Pretty selfish.
 

packrat

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Seeing as how I have a wedding RSVP that was supposed to be returned by the 16th...feel free to ignore me.

I'd put another note in the cubbies.

All of the bday parties we've done wthe kids have had our phone number/email to rsvp to, and about 1/2 or better, don't. A couple times I've gotten no's, and once each for Trapper and London they've been given a gift anyway even tho the friend couldn't come. I get the amount of stuff for goody bags, snacks, whatever, as I would for the full party amount, and the kids that come just get extra.

We didn't do a preschool birthday party for London, we did her first in Kindergarten. Trapper tho, we did in preschool. Invited his entire class of 20 boys and girls, and four came. Funny to see the differences between a girl party and a boy party (no boys came to London's and no girls came to Trapper's, tho he did get a present from one of the girls who couldn't come)...the girls come in screaming and jumping up and down OMG HIIIII EEEEEK! and run around hysterically. The boys come in, hands in the pockets.."hi".

I have to RSVP for the kids' birthday party invites they bring home THAT SECOND or I will forget.
 

missy

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azstonie|1406064067|3718512 said:
Former teacher here who says BLESS YOU for inviting each and every child. The hurt that children feel when left out is HORRIBLE.

You're a kind parent. Your child is in good hands :appl:

Re the RSVP, put another flyer in the cubbies with a YES or NO box, put a sticker on your child's box that matches a sticker on the YES/NO flyer so the parents can see to put it in the right cubbie.

It might work!

Where we live it is the norm to invite the whole class. Everyone does it and at first I thought my sister was crazy because that's a lot of kids and her parties are quite elaborate and popular and almost everyone shows. But seeing it from this perspective makes me realize it's the right thing to do. No child should feel left out. :appl:


JewelFreak said:
It stuns me how un-thoughtful people are. Didn't anybody get taught to put themselves in the other guy's shoes? Does it bother these parents when they have parties to have no idea how many to plan for? Maybe they just take it as normal. It's not. Pretty selfish.

Yeah, some people can be pretty selfish and just not aware because they are the center of the universe. NPD anyone?
I know my dear PS twin is like me in that we are acutely aware of how others feel and want to be considerate of everyone.
 

alene

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I find that it's pretty normal for people not to respond and I think it's more likely with a paper invitation, which is much easier to misplace. Do all the parents check the kids' cubbies regularly? Mine were picked up by a babysitter in preschool so it was quite possible for me to never even see a paper invite left in the cubbie. I've done all my kids invitations by email and still I find that about half the people don't RSVP by requested date. Usually, a reminder email goes out a few days before the party (I always do it and it seems most other parents here do too) and even then you may not have everyone respond. If you can't communicate by email, I'd absolutely put a reminder in each cubbie with an RSVP date and ask them to respond as soon as possible. Or if possible, can you ask the teacher to put the reminder into each kids' backpack?
 

asscherisme

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Tacori E-ring|1406064935|3718521 said:
It is totally normal and rude. Out of the 4 RSVP parties I have thrown my DD (in two different states/regions of the US) I have never had everyone respond. I usually bring a few extra goodie bags just in case because there is usually a surprise. I always put a RSVP date but people forget or blow it off. I would plan for 15.

This. I have thrown my kids parties in 3 states across 3 regions of the U.S. and it drives me nuts that people don't RSVP. I would just bring a few extra goodie bags.
 

MichelleCarmen

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Putting a note in the cubbies is fine! Parents WILL understand. Plus it'll remind them to RSVP yes or no and make things easier for you (and there is nothing wrong with that!).

IME, most parents do RSVP, but we've had a couple of parties where the RSVP came in after the date on the invitation or when a kid decided to show up the day of the party, but overall, it's been a rare situation for us.

Hope your son has a great party!
 

momhappy

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missy|1406074190|3718653 said:
azstonie|1406064067|3718512 said:
Former teacher here who says BLESS YOU for inviting each and every child. The hurt that children feel when left out is HORRIBLE.

You're a kind parent. Your child is in good hands :appl:

Re the RSVP, put another flyer in the cubbies with a YES or NO box, put a sticker on your child's box that matches a sticker on the YES/NO flyer so the parents can see to put it in the right cubbie.

It might work!

Where we live it is the norm to invite the whole class. Everyone does it and at first I thought my sister was crazy because that's a lot of kids and her parties are quite elaborate and popular and almost everyone shows. But seeing it from this perspective makes me realize it's the right thing to do. No child should feel left out. :appl:


JewelFreak said:
It stuns me how un-thoughtful people are. Didn't anybody get taught to put themselves in the other guy's shoes? Does it bother these parents when they have parties to have no idea how many to plan for? Maybe they just take it as normal. It's not. Pretty selfish.

Yeah, some people can be pretty selfish and just not aware because they are the center of the universe. NPD anyone?
I know my dear PS twin is like me in that we are acutely aware of how others feel and want to be considerate of everyone.

I have mixed feelings about inviting a whole class. It's sort of like the same concept as awarding a losing team with participation ribbons…I don't agree with that either. I think that learning to deal with things like loss, rejection, etc. is an important life skill. As an adult, there are parties that Im not invited to, jobs I don't get, etc. but those things are a normal part of life. If I'm not close friends with someone, I wouldn't expect to be invited to their party and at some point, kids need to learn that too. Protecting them form the inevitable later in life isn't doing them any favors IMO.
 

packrat

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I get the whole not every one gets a ribbon thing...but not at 3 and 4 and 5 years old. That's pretty young to try and explain that not everyone is friends w/everyone and learn that sometimes you're excluded.
 

missy

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momhappy|1406136433|3719183 said:
missy|1406074190|3718653 said:
azstonie|1406064067|3718512 said:
Former teacher here who says BLESS YOU for inviting each and every child. The hurt that children feel when left out is HORRIBLE.

You're a kind parent. Your child is in good hands :appl:

Re the RSVP, put another flyer in the cubbies with a YES or NO box, put a sticker on your child's box that matches a sticker on the YES/NO flyer so the parents can see to put it in the right cubbie.

It might work!

Where we live it is the norm to invite the whole class. Everyone does it and at first I thought my sister was crazy because that's a lot of kids and her parties are quite elaborate and popular and almost everyone shows. But seeing it from this perspective makes me realize it's the right thing to do. No child should feel left out. :appl:


JewelFreak said:
It stuns me how un-thoughtful people are. Didn't anybody get taught to put themselves in the other guy's shoes? Does it bother these parents when they have parties to have no idea how many to plan for? Maybe they just take it as normal. It's not. Pretty selfish.

Yeah, some people can be pretty selfish and just not aware because they are the center of the universe. NPD anyone?
I know my dear PS twin is like me in that we are acutely aware of how others feel and want to be considerate of everyone.

I have mixed feelings about inviting a whole class. It's sort of like the same concept as awarding a losing team with participation ribbons…I don't agree with that either. I think that learning to deal with things like loss, rejection, etc. is an important life skill. As an adult, there are parties that Im not invited to, jobs I don't get, etc. but those things are a normal part of life. If I'm not close friends with someone, I wouldn't expect to be invited to their party and at some point, kids need to learn that too. Protecting them form the inevitable later in life isn't doing them any favors IMO.

Well we are talking about very young children-from the ages of 1 and 3 up to 6 and 8. Now my sister says she is done with the big birthday parties so we shall see. She had terrific themed parties always involving animals and hands on for the kids. It was a big hit with kids and adults alike. LOL both parents usually came with their children so you can imagine the size of the parties. And in any case that's the culture in the small neighborhood my sister lives in and where the children attend school. Everyone does it and it is actually a very nice thing to do.

However I don't agree with you that it is the same thing as everyone winning in sports and what have you. It is nice to instill in children the qualities of kindness and generosity and sharing and the younger one starts to learn that lesson the better. That's my opinion of course and YMMV.
There's plenty of time to learn about loss and rejection.
 

Puppmom

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Thanks for all of the responses! I decided to put the reminders in the cubbies and actually ran into one mom this morning who said she lost the invite but would love to come. I’ll update the thread when this all shakes out. A mini social experiment of sorts. ;-)

I always thought RSVP meant to respond one way or the other. I can’t always do it right away but if something is getting close and I’m still not sure, I at least give the person a head’s up. I didn’t realize that there wasn’t a universal understanding of RSVP. When I was chatting with my girlfriend and mentioned only 4 had responded and they were all no she said she thinks a lot of people only respond if they’re NOT coming and that I should plan on the remainder of the kids attending. That’s when I started to get nervous!

My trick for not “losing” invites and other sorts of important but not legal docs is to take a picture of it with my phone as soon as I get it.

I will be sure to pass along to my children my understanding of RSVP but first I have to explain to my 4 year old that not everyone you invite actually comes!

FWIW, DS considers all of the kids in his class his "friends". I think that's totally normal for this age.
 

missy

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puppmom|1406138939|3719221 said:
Thanks for all of the responses! I decided to put the reminders in the cubbies and actually ran into one mom this morning who said she lost the invite but would love to come. I’ll update the thread when this all shakes out. A mini social experiment of sorts. ;-)

I always thought RSVP meant to respond one way or the other. I can’t always do it right away but if something is getting close and I’m still not sure, I at least give the person a head’s up. I didn’t realize that there wasn’t a universal understanding of RSVP. When I was chatting with my girlfriend and mentioned only 4 had responded and they were all no she said she thinks a lot of people only respond if they’re NOT coming and that I should plan on the remainder of the kids attending. That’s when I started to get nervous!

My trick for not “losing” invites and other sorts of important but not legal docs is to take a picture of it with my phone as soon as I get it.

I will be sure to pass along to my children my understanding of RSVP but first I have to explain to my 4 year old that not everyone you invite actually comes!

FWIW, DS considers all of the kids in his class his "friends". I think that's totally normal for this age.

I totally agree with this now that you mention it. My nieces feel the same way. Everyone in their class is their friend with the distinction being best friend vs friend. I always laugh when my older niece refers to her best friend as her best friend. For some reason it makes me chuckle. It's so cute.
 

momhappy

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missy|1406138119|3719211 said:
momhappy|1406136433|3719183 said:
missy|1406074190|3718653 said:
azstonie|1406064067|3718512 said:
Former teacher here who says BLESS YOU for inviting each and every child. The hurt that children feel when left out is HORRIBLE.

You're a kind parent. Your child is in good hands :appl:

Re the RSVP, put another flyer in the cubbies with a YES or NO box, put a sticker on your child's box that matches a sticker on the YES/NO flyer so the parents can see to put it in the right cubbie.

It might work!

Where we live it is the norm to invite the whole class. Everyone does it and at first I thought my sister was crazy because that's a lot of kids and her parties are quite elaborate and popular and almost everyone shows. But seeing it from this perspective makes me realize it's the right thing to do. No child should feel left out. :appl:


JewelFreak said:
It stuns me how un-thoughtful people are. Didn't anybody get taught to put themselves in the other guy's shoes? Does it bother these parents when they have parties to have no idea how many to plan for? Maybe they just take it as normal. It's not. Pretty selfish.

Yeah, some people can be pretty selfish and just not aware because they are the center of the universe. NPD anyone?
I know my dear PS twin is like me in that we are acutely aware of how others feel and want to be considerate of everyone.

I have mixed feelings about inviting a whole class. It's sort of like the same concept as awarding a losing team with participation ribbons…I don't agree with that either. I think that learning to deal with things like loss, rejection, etc. is an important life skill. As an adult, there are parties that Im not invited to, jobs I don't get, etc. but those things are a normal part of life. If I'm not close friends with someone, I wouldn't expect to be invited to their party and at some point, kids need to learn that too. Protecting them form the inevitable later in life isn't doing them any favors IMO.

Well we are talking about very young children-from the ages of 1 and 3 up to 6 and 8. Now my sister says she is done with the big birthday parties so we shall see. She had terrific themed parties always involving animals and hands on for the kids. It was a big hit with kids and adults alike. LOL both parents usually came with their children so you can imagine the size of the parties. And in any case that's the culture in the small neighborhood my sister lives in and where the children attend school. Everyone does it and it is actually a very nice thing to do.

However I don't agree with you that it is the same thing as everyone winning in sports and what have you. It is nice to instill in children the qualities of kindness and generosity and sharing and the younger one starts to learn that lesson the better. That's my opinion of course and YMMV.
There's plenty of time to learn about loss and rejection.

I agree with you too - that's why I said that I have mixed feelings about it On the one hand, it is a nice way to teach kindness, generosity, etc., but on the other hand, learning how to cope with rejection, losing, etc. is important too. Also, if we are talking about very young children (say ages 1-3 for example), I don't think that they can truly grasp/process the concept of being excluded from something like a birthday party (I say this from my personal experiences as a parent as well as my past professional experience that included teaching in a preschool setting and beyond). My kids were never invited to every single party for every single classmate in preschool and elementary school and I don't recall it ever being a major drama. There were parties we were invited to and went, parties we were invited to and couldn't attend (for whatever reason), and parties we weren't invited to… Whatever the case, most young children recover (and move on) pretty quickly. Having said all that, I am a invite-them-all kind of parent and when I did parties for my little ones, we invited the whole class. Some would attend and some wouldn't - some would RSVP and some wouldn't. I always made sure to have extras (food, snacks, favor bags, etc.) if need be for additional guests and/or siblings.
 

momhappy

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puppmom|1406138939|3719221 said:
Thanks for all of the responses! I decided to put the reminders in the cubbies and actually ran into one mom this morning who said she lost the invite but would love to come. I’ll update the thread when this all shakes out. A mini social experiment of sorts. ;-)

I always thought RSVP meant to respond one way or the other. I can’t always do it right away but if something is getting close and I’m still not sure, I at least give the person a head’s up. I didn’t realize that there wasn’t a universal understanding of RSVP. When I was chatting with my girlfriend and mentioned only 4 had responded and they were all no she said she thinks a lot of people only respond if they’re NOT coming and that I should plan on the remainder of the kids attending. That’s when I started to get nervous!

My trick for not “losing” invites and other sorts of important but not legal docs is to take a picture of it with my phone as soon as I get it.

I will be sure to pass along to my children my understanding of RSVP but first I have to explain to my 4 year old that not everyone you invite actually comes!

FWIW, DS considers all of the kids in his class his "friends". I think that's totally normal for this age.

I think that the reminders were a good idea - hope the party is a success :)
 

missy

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momhappy|1406139885|3719230 said:
missy|1406138119|3719211 said:
momhappy|1406136433|3719183 said:
missy|1406074190|3718653 said:
azstonie|1406064067|3718512 said:
Former teacher here who says BLESS YOU for inviting each and every child. The hurt that children feel when left out is HORRIBLE.

You're a kind parent. Your child is in good hands :appl:

Re the RSVP, put another flyer in the cubbies with a YES or NO box, put a sticker on your child's box that matches a sticker on the YES/NO flyer so the parents can see to put it in the right cubbie.

It might work!

Where we live it is the norm to invite the whole class. Everyone does it and at first I thought my sister was crazy because that's a lot of kids and her parties are quite elaborate and popular and almost everyone shows. But seeing it from this perspective makes me realize it's the right thing to do. No child should feel left out. :appl:


JewelFreak said:
It stuns me how un-thoughtful people are. Didn't anybody get taught to put themselves in the other guy's shoes? Does it bother these parents when they have parties to have no idea how many to plan for? Maybe they just take it as normal. It's not. Pretty selfish.

Yeah, some people can be pretty selfish and just not aware because they are the center of the universe. NPD anyone?
I know my dear PS twin is like me in that we are acutely aware of how others feel and want to be considerate of everyone.

I have mixed feelings about inviting a whole class. It's sort of like the same concept as awarding a losing team with participation ribbons…I don't agree with that either. I think that learning to deal with things like loss, rejection, etc. is an important life skill. As an adult, there are parties that Im not invited to, jobs I don't get, etc. but those things are a normal part of life. If I'm not close friends with someone, I wouldn't expect to be invited to their party and at some point, kids need to learn that too. Protecting them form the inevitable later in life isn't doing them any favors IMO.

Well we are talking about very young children-from the ages of 1 and 3 up to 6 and 8. Now my sister says she is done with the big birthday parties so we shall see. She had terrific themed parties always involving animals and hands on for the kids. It was a big hit with kids and adults alike. LOL both parents usually came with their children so you can imagine the size of the parties. And in any case that's the culture in the small neighborhood my sister lives in and where the children attend school. Everyone does it and it is actually a very nice thing to do.

However I don't agree with you that it is the same thing as everyone winning in sports and what have you. It is nice to instill in children the qualities of kindness and generosity and sharing and the younger one starts to learn that lesson the better. That's my opinion of course and YMMV.
There's plenty of time to learn about loss and rejection.

I agree with you too - that's why I said that I have mixed feelings about it On the one hand, it is a nice way to teach kindness, generosity, etc., but on the other hand, learning how to cope with rejection, losing, etc. is important too. Also, if we are talking about very young children (say ages 1-3 for example), I don't think that they can truly grasp/process the concept of being excluded from something like a birthday party (I say this from my personal experiences as a parent as well as my past professional experience that included teaching in a preschool setting and beyond). My kids were never invited to every single party for every single classmate in preschool and elementary school and I don't recall it ever being a major drama. There were parties we were invited to and went, parties we were invited to and couldn't attend (for whatever reason), and parties we weren't invited to… Whatever the case, most young children recover (and move on) pretty quickly. Having said all that, I am a invite-them-all kind of parent and when I did parties for my little ones, we invited the whole class. Some would attend and some wouldn't - some would RSVP and some wouldn't. I always made sure to have extras (food, snacks, favor bags, etc.) if need be for additional guests and/or siblings.

I understand. It is a minefield raising children these days more than ever it seems but what do I know lol. It is most definitely the most difficult job/life decision a couple can undertake and I have so much respect for those who take it on with all of their hearts and souls. It is a job that has no ending and one in which the reward is truly priceless. Great challenges reap great rewards. Hats off to all of you amazing parents!
 

momhappy

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^Yes, a minefield indeed! One of the hardest parts is simply wondering if the choices we make, are the right ones. I suppose that we all do the best we can and hopefully, that's good enough :)
 

monarch64

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Aug 12, 2005
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In this situation I'd just plan for 20 plus parents, and give leftovers to people on their way out. Tough to plan with inviting through the cubbie.

Sidenote thought: as a parent of one 2 year old I would have found a way to reach you via phone or FB and either committed, or turned down. Not sure why that is so hard for people!
 
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