At what age did you lose your virginity?

[NOYFB]

I have to admit that I'm intrigued by the person who answered "11 or under"...makes me wonder if it was consensual.

That would be super-duper personal.

I wasn't suggesting anyone disclose any personal information, just concerned that there may be someone who suffered from sexual abuse, which is a horrible crime.

 

[Dancing Fire]

[quote="Niel|1405123458|

No but some people will see it as incorrect.

If person a says they are a virgin but performed oral sex, are they wrong because you consider oral sex intercourse?

If not everyone describes sex the same how can it be that there is only one hard and fast definition for virginity.

[/quote]


Yes, according to Clinton.

..One of them must be "hard"...

 

[kenny]

Wow, Kenny, I never thought of you as someone who reacts so coldly to suggestions...

Seriously… For someone he wants others to open their minds to other ideas, you sure shot that one down... I understand that PS won't let you edit after a while, but that was kind of rude, kenny.

As you always say, "people vary," so obviously different people's definitions of what it means to lose his/her virginity would naturally vary.

Using that reasoning, 3 can be claimed to be the same as 4.

Yes, people vary.
Some can't handle reality, so they endeavor to invent their own.

Insisting 3 is 3, and not 4, is rude I guess.
Whatev.

 

[Niel]

Wow, Kenny, I never thought of you as someone who reacts so coldly to suggestions...

Seriously… For someone he wants others to open their minds to other ideas, you sure shot that one down... I understand that PS won't let you edit after a while, but that was kind of rude, kenny.

As you always say, "people vary," so obviously different people's definitions of what it means to lose his/her virginity would naturally vary.

Using that reasoning, 3 can be claimed to be the same as 4.

Yes, people vary.
Some can't handle reality, so they endeavor to invent their own.

Insisting 3 is 3, and not 4, is rude I guess.
Whatev.

That metaphors couldn't be less correct. Some things are a soft science, some are a hard science

Just because you make a comparison doesn't make it at all accurate.

And I seem to recall a resent post from someone who also used a fluid definition

Post by kenny » 06 Mar 2014 22:46
Pick the closest number.
This is anonymous so be honest.

For this poll let's define "sex" as … well … whatever YOU define as going all the way.
I hope that's nuff said

 

[mochiko42]

Also, I heard in some places there are such things as "born-again virgins"...

 

[Niel]

Also, I heard in some places there are such things as "born-again virgins"...

Ha!
In that case can those people vote twice?

 

[mrs jam]

The only virginal orifice of my anatomy is my butthole. It hasn't even been tipped. I've named it the Jergen Mary.

 

[ruby59]

Also, I heard in some places there are such things as "born-again virgins"...

Ha!
In that case can those people vote twice?

I technically lost mine twice. So where is that vote twice box?

 

[LaraOnline]

I hope I don't sound like someone who doesn't think stat rape is " real rape" I do. But in high school situations consentual sex can still fall into that category.

Yep, and out of high school too.... I'm surprised the intense social pressure on women to have sex inappropriately ie with irresponsible and fairly disconnected men is not discussed more in our open society, tbh. When I was young and unmarried, the pressure seemed really constant... just because I was accessible - ie able to be talked to - so glad my twenties are behind me lol but gee

 

[monarch64]

I hope I don't sound like someone who doesn't think stat rape is " real rape" I do. But in high school situations consentual sex can still fall into that category.

Yep, and out of high school too.... I'm surprised the intense social pressure on women to have sex inappropriately ie with irresponsible and fairly disconnected men is not discussed more in our open society, tbh. When I was young and unmarried, the pressure seemed really constant... just because I was accessible - ie able to be talked to - so glad my twenties are behind me lol but gee

Lara, you talk about pressure--wait til you read this: http://thedailybanter.com/2014/06/dear-men-everywhere-women-scared-us/

Maybe that article goes in the "sexting" thread, but I think it also belongs here. There IS intense and constant pressure, and it OFTEN takes the form of harassment.

 

[boerumbiddy]

I put 22 as 21 is not on the poll.

 

[MMtwo]

I wonder what the outcomes would be if this was a poll by generation too.

I came into adulthood in the early 80's in the Detroit area. Life moved pretty fast and Fast Times at Ridgemont Times was not too far off track. Right on the heels of the free-loving 70's and before AIDS became a household word and connected with sexual contact. Madonna (and my classmates) wore bustiers and the world was a burlesque show. No one seemed to think twice about losing virginity. Virgins at graduation were deemed unusual.

The 90's saw the party come to a crashing halt and subdued down as AIDS took it's toll. Society became more somber, Grunge took off and a sort of apathy (or hangover) hit pop culture. Kids started being taught they should wait for sex. Sex became a life and death decision. Sure people still had sex, but the carnival atmosphere was over.

Now my kid's generation is much more traditional. When my adult kids watched Fast Times at Ridgmont High they were shocked. I told them about the High School smoking pit (unthinkable now days), rifle club (also unthinkable now days) and how we moved out just as SOON as we turned 18 and had a job. Mine at still at home at 20 & 22, and will be until they graduate college.

Anyhow, my guess would be that the average age of the "first time" would also vary by era and culture.

 

[monarch64]

I wonder what the outcomes would be if this was a poll by generation too.

I came into adulthood in the early 80's in the Detroit area. Life moved pretty fast and Fast Times at Ridgemont Times was not too far off track. Right on the heels of the free-loving 70's and before AIDS became a household word and connected with sexual contact. Madonna (and my classmates) wore bustiers and the world was a burlesque show. No one seemed to think twice about losing virginity. Virgins at graduation were deemed unusual.

The 90's saw the party come to a crashing halt and subdued down as AIDS took it's toll. Society became more somber, Grunge took off and a sort of apathy (or hangover) hit pop culture. Kids started being taught they should wait for sex. Sex became a life and death decision. Sure people still had sex, but the carnival atmosphere was over.

Now my kid's generation is much more traditional. When my adult kids watched Fast Times at Ridgmont High they were shocked. I told them about the High School smoking pit (unthinkable now days), rifle club (also unthinkable now days) and how we moved out just as SOON as we turned 18 and had a job. Mine at still at home at 20 & 22, and will be until they graduate college.

Anyhow, my guess would be that the average age of the "first time" would also vary by era and culture.

My 90s experience was different, I guess. American Pie was our Fast Times, "Let's Talk About Sex," "Do Me," "I Wanna Sex You Up," "Freak Me," were playing on the radio alongside the Soundgarden, Nirvana, and Stone Temple Pilots, and we were learning how to use flavored and colorful condoms by rolling them onto bananas. Oh, and we still had Madonna, who published her coffee table book SEX in 1992.

 

[MMtwo]

I wonder what the outcomes would be if this was a poll by generation too.

I came into adulthood in the early 80's in the Detroit area. Life moved pretty fast and Fast Times at Ridgemont Times was not too far off track. Right on the heels of the free-loving 70's and before AIDS became a household word and connected with sexual contact. Madonna (and my classmates) wore bustiers and the world was a burlesque show. No one seemed to think twice about losing virginity. Virgins at graduation were deemed unusual.

The 90's saw the party come to a crashing halt and subdued down as AIDS took it's toll. Society became more somber, Grunge took off and a sort of apathy (or hangover) hit pop culture. Kids started being taught they should wait for sex. Sex became a life and death decision. Sure people still had sex, but the carnival atmosphere was over.

Now my kid's generation is much more traditional. When my adult kids watched Fast Times at Ridgmont High they were shocked. I told them about the High School smoking pit (unthinkable now days), rifle club (also unthinkable now days) and how we moved out just as SOON as we turned 18 and had a job. Mine at still at home at 20 & 22, and will be until they graduate college.

Anyhow, my guess would be that the average age of the "first time" would also vary by era and culture.

My 90s experience was different, I guess. American Pie was our Fast Times, "Let's Talk About Sex," "Do Me," "I Wanna Sex You Up," "Freak Me," were playing on the radio alongside the Soundgarden, Nirvana, and Stone Temple Pilots, and we were learning how to use flavored and colorful condoms by rolling them onto bananas. Oh, and we still had Madonna, who published her coffee table book SEX in 1992.

HA, maybe my party slowed down. My darling son was born in 92. Yes, yes, you are right, still had some freakiness then too. They still do today, I'm sure !

AHA, found it! (Sorry, women only, but this shows the ages by era) http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1802108/figure/F2/

 

[Sky56]

I did things at age 14 with older men, it was my idea, I wasn't coerced. My parents would have had heart attacks had they known...but I was a virgin until age 18 in the classical sense. (Waited until age 18 to have intercourse)

 

[Sky56]

My body at 14 looked like a full-grown woman's.

 

[swingirl]

Not too many virgins in college in 1970s. Men's dorm became coed every weekend (even though it was against the rules).

 

[LaraOnline]

I wonder what the outcomes would be if this was a poll by generation too.

I came into adulthood in the early 80's in the Detroit area. Life moved pretty fast and Fast Times at Ridgemont Times was not too far off track. Right on the heels of the free-loving 70's and before AIDS became a household word and connected with sexual contact. Madonna (and my classmates) wore bustiers and the world was a burlesque show. No one seemed to think twice about losing virginity. Virgins at graduation were deemed unusual.

The 90's saw the party come to a crashing halt and subdued down as AIDS took it's toll. Society became more somber, Grunge took off and a sort of apathy (or hangover) hit pop culture. Kids started being taught they should wait for sex. Sex became a life and death decision. Sure people still had sex, but the carnival atmosphere was over.

Now my kid's generation is much more traditional. When my adult kids watched Fast Times at Ridgmont High they were shocked. I told them about the High School smoking pit (unthinkable now days), rifle club (also unthinkable now days) and how we moved out just as SOON as we turned 18 and had a job. Mine at still at home at 20 & 22, and will be until they graduate college.

Anyhow, my guess would be that the average age of the "first time" would also vary by era and culture.

My 90s experience was different, I guess. American Pie was our Fast Times, "Let's Talk About Sex," "Do Me," "I Wanna Sex You Up," "Freak Me," were playing on the radio alongside the Soundgarden, Nirvana, and Stone Temple Pilots, and we were learning how to use flavored and colorful condoms by rolling them onto bananas. Oh, and we still had Madonna, who published her coffee table book SEX in 1992.

HA, maybe my party slowed down. My darling son was born in 92. Yes, yes, you are right, still had some freakiness then too. They still do today, I'm sure !

AHA, found it! (Sorry, women only, but this shows the ages by era) http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1802108/figure/F2/

I graduated 89 and then was at uni through the 90s, I felt the interaction between men and women became less open and generous in that time.
90s men wanted sex, of course, and so reached out to women but there was very much a sense of 'don't expect too much from me!'.
It was like there was a massive interpersonal crisis of confidence in terms of masculinity and love?!!
youth culture seemed jaded and rather grim in the 'grunge' era.
But it is so hard to separate out your own individual experiences from that of the mass, is it not?
thank goodness dance music came along!!!

 

[Rhea]

I have to admit that I'm intrigued by the person who answered "11 or under"...makes me wonder if it was consensual.

I wonder, Do people consider molestation and rape loosing their virginity? I mean I consider stat rape losing your virginity. If consentual(like 14 and a 16 year old). But I as I'm not someone who was in the situation I don't know how I'd feel. Outside the situation I wouldn't consider MYSELF loosing MY verginity until it was consentual.

I hope I don't sound like someone who doesn't think stat rape is " real rape" I do. But in high school situations consentual sex can still fall into that category.

Dictionary definition ...



Sounds like virginity is a physical thing not a mental one or one with consent or moral qualifications.
That's not harsh or mean, just accurate to the meaning of the word.

If it was a mental thing wouldn't we'd all lose our virginity the first time we masturbated?

All the value judgement stuff related to virginity is a different topic.

Not every word is limited to the dictionary definition. There are social definitions as well. That's why not everyone considers performing oral sex as losing their virginity, though intercourse is described as penetration so......

Not everything is cut and dry

I used to work at a rape crisis centre and so many young women who were raped were very upset about this exact question. It was a top question after what will my parents say, and you aren't going to tell my father, are you. Our answer, virginity is something that is given, not taken. It's not strictly true going by a dictionary definition but frankly I don't give a shit about the dictionary. Being raped is so traumatic and so personal, a complete violation of your being, your person, and your soul. I agree with what we were taught and consoled women (mostly) with in the hospitals. Virginity is given.

 

[missy]

I have to admit that I'm intrigued by the person who answered "11 or under"...makes me wonder if it was consensual.

I wonder, Do people consider molestation and rape loosing their virginity? I mean I consider stat rape losing your virginity. If consentual(like 14 and a 16 year old). But I as I'm not someone who was in the situation I don't know how I'd feel. Outside the situation I wouldn't consider MYSELF loosing MY verginity until it was consentual.

I hope I don't sound like someone who doesn't think stat rape is " real rape" I do. But in high school situations consentual sex can still fall into that category.

Dictionary definition ...



Sounds like virginity is a physical thing not a mental one or one with consent or moral qualifications.
That's not harsh or mean, just accurate to the meaning of the word.

If it was a mental thing wouldn't we'd all lose our virginity the first time we masturbated?

All the value judgement stuff related to virginity is a different topic.

Not every word is limited to the dictionary definition. There are social definitions as well. That's why not everyone considers performing oral sex as losing their virginity, though intercourse is described as penetration so......

Not everything is cut and dry

I used to work at a rape crisis centre and so many young women who were raped were very upset about this exact question. It was a top question after what will my parents say, and you aren't going to tell my father, are you. Our answer, virginity is something that is given, not taken. It's not strictly true going by a dictionary definition but frankly I don't give a shit about the dictionary. Being raped is so traumatic and so personal, a complete violation of your being, your person, and your soul. I agree with what we were taught and consoled women (mostly) with in the hospitals. Virginity is given.

This is the "best" definition IMO. It's the one that makes the most sense and it would be nice if the dictionary definition could reflect this much more civilized and humane definition that Rhea was taught.

 

[Niel]

I have to admit that I'm intrigued by the person who answered "11 or under"...makes me wonder if it was consensual.

I wonder, Do people consider molestation and rape loosing their virginity? I mean I consider stat rape losing your virginity. If consentual(like 14 and a 16 year old). But I as I'm not someone who was in the situation I don't know how I'd feel. Outside the situation I wouldn't consider MYSELF loosing MY verginity until it was consentual.

I hope I don't sound like someone who doesn't think stat rape is " real rape" I do. But in high school situations consentual sex can still fall into that category.

Dictionary definition ...



Sounds like virginity is a physical thing not a mental one or one with consent or moral qualifications.
That's not harsh or mean, just accurate to the meaning of the word.

If it was a mental thing wouldn't we'd all lose our virginity the first time we masturbated?

All the value judgement stuff related to virginity is a different topic.

Not every word is limited to the dictionary definition. There are social definitions as well. That's why not everyone considers performing oral sex as losing their virginity, though intercourse is described as penetration so......

Not everything is cut and dry

I used to work at a rape crisis centre and so many young women who were raped were very upset about this exact question. It was a top question after what will my parents say, and you aren't going to tell my father, are you. Our answer, virginity is something that is given, not taken. It's not strictly true going by a dictionary definition but frankly I don't give a shit about the dictionary. Being raped is so traumatic and so personal, a complete violation of your being, your person, and your soul. I agree with what we were taught and consoled women (mostly) with in the hospitals. Virginity is given.

This is the "best" definition IMO. It's the one that makes the most sense and it would be nice if the dictionary definition could reflect this much more civilized and humane definition that Rhea was taught.

+100

 

[msop04]

I have to admit that I'm intrigued by the person who answered "11 or under"...makes me wonder if it was consensual.

I wonder, Do people consider molestation and rape loosing their virginity? I mean I consider stat rape losing your virginity. If consentual(like 14 and a 16 year old). But I as I'm not someone who was in the situation I don't know how I'd feel. Outside the situation I wouldn't consider MYSELF loosing MY verginity until it was consentual.

I hope I don't sound like someone who doesn't think stat rape is " real rape" I do. But in high school situations consentual sex can still fall into that category.

Dictionary definition ...



Sounds like virginity is a physical thing not a mental one or one with consent or moral qualifications.
That's not harsh or mean, just accurate to the meaning of the word.

If it was a mental thing wouldn't we'd all lose our virginity the first time we masturbated?

All the value judgement stuff related to virginity is a different topic.

Not every word is limited to the dictionary definition. There are social definitions as well. That's why not everyone considers performing oral sex as losing their virginity, though intercourse is described as penetration so......

Not everything is cut and dry

I used to work at a rape crisis centre and so many young women who were raped were very upset about this exact question. It was a top question after what will my parents say, and you aren't going to tell my father, are you. Our answer, virginity is something that is given, not taken. It's not strictly true going by a dictionary definition but frankly I don't give a shit about the dictionary. Being raped is so traumatic and so personal, a complete violation of your being, your person, and your soul. I agree with what we were taught and consoled women (mostly) with in the hospitals. Virginity is given.

This is the "best" definition IMO. It's the one that makes the most sense and it would be nice if the dictionary definition could reflect this much more civilized and humane definition that Rhea was taught.

+100

This exactly.

 

[mayerling]

You'll think I'm stupid, but I don't follow. What do you mean by "virginity is given"?

 

[Niel]

You'll think I'm stupid, but I don't follow. What do you mean by "virginity is given"?

That if you get raped you haven't lost your virginity. IE someone can't take your virginity unless you concent

 

[kenny]

If you are the victim of an armed robbery and the criminal shoots off your hand as he steals your purse your hand is not really gone and neither is your money.
You didn't want that so it didn't happen.

Admitting your finger and money are gone would be mean.
Your hand it still there and so is your money.

 

[Niel]

If you are the victim of an armed robbery and the criminal shoots off your hand as he steals your purse your hand is not really gone and neither is your money.
You didn't want that so it didn't happen.

Admitting your finger and money are gone would be mean.
Your hand it still there and so is your money.

When you use fluid definitions its totally legit. When other people use it super stupid. Makes totally sense.

 

[mayerling]

You'll think I'm stupid, but I don't follow. What do you mean by "virginity is given"?

That if you get raped you haven't lost your virginity. IE someone can't take your virginity unless you concent

Oh, I see! So true.

 

[Rhea]

If you are the victim of an armed robbery and the criminal shoots off your hand as he steals your purse your hand is not really gone and neither is your money.
You didn't want that so it didn't happen.

Admitting your finger and money are gone would be mean.
Your hand it still there and so is your money.

I would argue that's completely different. As a young person who grew up in a suburban Christian community the question of virginity comes up a lot especially with all the abstinence only education taught in schools. And a 17 year old woman feeling that she needs to tell her 17 year old boyfriend that she's not a virgin because a cop, her father's high school friend actually, raped her after pulling her over for speeding. Rape is a violation that's completely different to any other. It's not on the same level as robbery, even a fairly violent one. Throw in the added complexities of being young, religious, and it most often happening by an older male in a position of power, trust, and strength. That's something that I doubt most teens could deal with. How would you feel upon asking your first boyfriend, in your teen years, if he was still a virgin and he told you all that?

I sat in too many hospital rooms, looking at too many bruises, and dealing with too many emotions from the survivor, friends, family, and my own, while one wonderful sexual assault trained nurse took a rape kit to think that asking a young woman or man to believe that something so precious stolen from them is something they ever need to consider or admit.

 

[chrono]

I don't like the topic of virginity; there is too much importance placed on virginity for women compared to men in general. My interpretation is that it IS the first time penetrative sexual intercourse takes place, regardless of whether it is consensual or forced. If society loosens this discrimination (and double standard) against women, the poor victims will be less distraught over whether it something that can be taken away or something to be given.

 

[LaraOnline]

If you are the victim of an armed robbery and the criminal shoots off your hand as he steals your purse your hand is not really gone and neither is your money.
You didn't want that so it didn't happen.

Admitting your finger and money are gone would be mean.
Your hand it still there and so is your money.

I would argue that's completely different. As a young person who grew up in a suburban Christian community the question of virginity comes up a lot especially with all the abstinence only education taught in schools. And a 17 year old woman feeling that she needs to tell her 17 year old boyfriend that she's not a virgin because a cop, her father's high school friend actually, raped her after pulling her over for speeding. Rape is a violation that's completely different to any other. It's not on the same level as robbery, even a fairly violent one. Throw in the added complexities of being young, religious, and it most often happening by an older male in a position of power, trust, and strength. That's something that I doubt most teens could deal with. How would you feel upon asking your first boyfriend, in your teen years, if he was still a virgin and he told you all that?

I sat in too many hospital rooms, looking at too many bruises, and dealing with too many emotions from the survivor, friends, family, and my own, while one wonderful sexual assault trained nurse took a rape kit to think that asking a young woman or man to believe that something so precious stolen from them is something they ever need to consider or admit.

Thank you for posting this Rhea. Thank goodness for all the kind people in the world!