"Just Barely" Pregnant PS''ers

[amc80]

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OMG look what I found...

https://www.etsy.com/ca/listing/182899421/western-big-brother-shirt-big-brother-to?ref=sr_gallery_9&ga_search_query=big+brother+shirt&ga_ship_to=US&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_view_type=gallery

Perfect because DH is a deputy sheriff

Awwww, that's so cute!

For some reason, I am dying to know the gender of my baby. It doesn't even matter to me because it's my first! I'm going to ask my doctor about blood DNA screening for early gender prediction (I think it can also detect chromosomal abnormalities).

DH and I have already decided we are getting the MaterniT21 test (which tells gender). My insurance only covers it under certain conditions, but the max you will pay out of pocket if you do have insurance is around $230.

 

[dani13]

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Congrats smc, Amc, and lp!! Very exciting news!!!! Very happy for all of you!

With the M21 test, usually the doc won't recommend it unless there is a family history of Downs, trisomies, or you are over age 35. We had it done for both pregnancies, and I believe the cost to us was about what Amc said, $250-ish? Well worth it for peace of mind regarding chromosomal abnormalities, IMO!!!

 

[amc80]

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Congrats smc, Amc, and lp!! Very exciting news!!!! Very happy for all of you!

With the M21 test, usually the doc won't recommend it unless there is a family history of Downs, trisomies, or you are over age 35. We had it done for both pregnancies, and I believe the cost to us was about what Amc said, $250-ish? Well worth it for peace of mind regarding chromosomal abnormalities, IMO!!!

I asked my OB about it and she said that if I wanted it, she would come up with a reason why it was necessary. I love my OB

 

[SMC]

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Is anyone else terrified of labor and delivery? The whole process of being pregnant and going through L&D scares me. I read "What to Expect" and found the book more terrifying that reassuring.

If I had to list them out, here are my fears:
1. fecal incontinence from tearing
2. gaining weight and not being able to lose it
3. varicose veins
4. stretch marks

I know that this stuff shouldn't matter as long as I have a healthy baby, but it does matter to me. I'm used to being in pretty good shape and not going to the bathroom in my pants. Is anyone else scared?

 

[amc80]

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Is anyone else terrified of labor and delivery? The whole process of being pregnant and going through L&D scares me. I read "What to Expect" and found the book more terrifying that reassuring.

If I had to list them out, here are my fears:
1. fecal incontinence from tearing
2. gaining weight and not being able to lose it
3. varicose veins
4. stretch marks

I know that this stuff shouldn't matter as long as I have a healthy baby, but it does matter to me. I'm used to being in pretty good shape and not going to the bathroom in my pants. Is anyone else scared?

It's funny, before #1 I had a very similar list. Mine was something like:

1) Acne (yep, it was bad...I was like a teenager and you can't use any of the good stuff)
2) Weight gain (sigh, yep, and I never lost most of it. I've just decided I will be fat for the next few years until we are done having kids, rather than gaining, losing, gaining, losing)
3) Nausea (the pill always made me sick...sure enough, I was sick from week 6-16, all day, every day. Zofran helped but not 100%)
4) stretch marks (I'm very prone to them and have a lot from adolescence. I was golden until about week 35. Bam.)

So yeah, I understand your fears completely. I had an episiotomy...just a small one. It wasn't a big deal and I didn't even know it was being done. But if that protected me from tearing? DONE.

Regarding L&D- My history is on here somewhere, but I had a pretty rough labor and delivery. In a nut shell, I pushed for 3.5 hours straight. It was horrible. All of that pushing and straining completely wrecked my pelvic floor, to the point where I could barely hold my pee. I couldn't run, jump, etc., without peeing my pants. I ended up going to physical therapy and it helped a lot. I don't think I'll every be 100%. As a result, I refuse to go through it again. I'm having an elective c-section. I think I have some PTSD from it, to be honest. The thought of going through labor gives me immediate anxiety.

Wait, that probably didn't help you at all...the good news is I think my situation was not normal and most people have a much easier time. But it's totally normal to be scared and nervous. I mean a human has to come...out of you...

 

[SMC]

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It's funny, before #1 I had a very similar list. Mine was something like:

1) Acne (yep, it was bad...I was like a teenager and you can't use any of the good stuff)
2) Weight gain (sigh, yep, and I never lost most of it. I've just decided I will be fat for the next few years until we are done having kids, rather than gaining, losing, gaining, losing)
3) Nausea (the pill always made me sick...sure enough, I was sick from week 6-16, all day, every day. Zofran helped but not 100%)
4) stretch marks (I'm very prone to them and have a lot from adolescence. I was golden until about week 35. Bam.)

So yeah, I understand your fears completely. I had an episiotomy...just a small one. It wasn't a big deal and I didn't even know it was being done. But if that protected me from tearing? DONE.

Regarding L&D- My history is on here somewhere, but I had a pretty rough labor and delivery. In a nut shell, I pushed for 3.5 hours straight. It was horrible. All of that pushing and straining completely wrecked my pelvic floor, to the point where I could barely hold my pee. I couldn't run, jump, etc., without peeing my pants. I ended up going to physical therapy and it helped a lot. I don't think I'll every be 100%. As a result, I refuse to go through it again. I'm having an elective c-section. I think I have some PTSD from it, to be honest. The thought of going through labor gives me immediate anxiety.

Wait, that probably didn't help you at all...the good news is I think my situation was not normal and most people have a much easier time. But it's totally normal to be scared and nervous. I mean a human has to come...out of you...

Haha, your post was not entirely reassuring but it does help to know that my fears are normal. I expect to lose some bladder control (apparently it happens even if you choose a c-section because the baby has been resting above the bladder for so long) but a tear all the way to my rectum freaks me out to no end. I really hope it doesn't come to that.

I plan to ask my doctor about elective cesareans too, just to get more information.

I'm a normal weight now, but an extra 30 lbs is going to look a lot different on my 5'3 frame than it is on someone who is 5'9. Argh.

 

[shihtzulover]

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SMC and AMC, I am terrified of labor and delivery, too! It's always been a huge fear of mine. For me, I'm mostly afraid of the pain. It scares me to no end. I'm also afraid of something going horribly wrong.

I made an appointment with my OB before I even tried to get pregnant, and he didn't think there was any reason I would have a problem more than any other woman. I'm especially concerned because I'm petite and my husband has a larger frame (truly larger bones…even his head is large), but my OB didn't seem to think it would be a problem. Then again, he also made it sound like labor wouldn't be that bad and the pain meds would make everything so much better, but I see births on TV and hear stories, and it looks terrifying.

I'm also afraid of the weight gain, and I hate that I already feel so huge. I have hypoglycemia and I've had it since I was a teenager, but it was so easy to control before I got pregnant and now it's really bad. I've been sooo hungry every 2-3 hours and if I don't eat, I feel really sick…really shaky, nauseous, irritable, no energy, and just feel like I might keel over. I'm apparently supposed to eat protein and carbs because carbs will only bring up my blood sugar quickly and then it will crash again, but I rarely feel like I can stomach protein. I'm all about carbs right now.

I can't cut back on eating because if I do, I will get really sick and probably end up in the hospital. On the other hand, eating so much also makes me feel gassy and then I get a stomachache and nausea from that, and then I can't sleep well and I"m falling asleep at work. I really hope this gets better in the second trimester, but I guess time will tell.

 

[SMC]

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SMC and AMC, I am terrified of labor and delivery, too! It's always been a huge fear of mine. For me, I'm mostly afraid of the pain. It scares me to no end. I'm also afraid of something going horribly wrong.

I made an appointment with my OB before I even tried to get pregnant, and he didn't think there was any reason I would have a problem more than any other woman. I'm especially concerned because I'm petite and my husband has a larger frame (truly larger bones…even his head is large), but my OB didn't seem to think it would be a problem. Then again, he also made it sound like labor wouldn't be that bad and the pain meds would make everything so much better, but I see births on TV and hear stories, and it looks terrifying.

I'm also afraid of the weight gain, and I hate that I already feel so huge. I have hypoglycemia and I've had it since I was a teenager, but it was so easy to control before I got pregnant and now it's really bad. I've been sooo hungry every 2-3 hours and if I don't eat, I feel really sick…really shaky, nauseous, irritable, no energy, and just feel like I might keel over. I'm apparently supposed to eat protein and carbs because carbs will only bring up my blood sugar quickly and then it will crash again, but I rarely feel like I can stomach protein. I'm all about carbs right now.

I can't cut back on eating because if I do, I will get really sick and probably end up in the hospital. On the other hand, eating so much also makes me feel gassy and then I get a stomachache and nausea from that, and then I can't sleep well and I"m falling asleep at work. I really hope this gets better in the second trimester, but I guess time will tell.

So, I'm not a doctor but I think you should listen to your body in the first trimester. It's hard to find food that you can stomach, so I'd eat what I felt like I could keep down (and take a prenatal vitamin).

FWIW, I think you will be fine in terms of baby size! It seems like baby's birth weights are more closely correlated with maternal birth weight than paternal birth weight (especially true if baby is a daughter). This is bad for me because I was 7.5 lbs at birth and my DH was 3.5 (he's a twin). As for the pain, my friends and sister-in-laws have said that epidurals have been amazing. Your doctor will probably perform a c-section if anything is off (if anything, doctors are too quick to perform c-sections), and you can always ask about an elective c-section just to get more information.

I feel gassy too! I know that it's too early for me to show (only 6 weeks) but I feel like I have to walk around sucking in for things to look normal. But yes, I totally understand the fear and nothing will make it go away completely until it's over. The good thing is that you probably have excellent prenatal care so the chances of something going horribly wrong are very very very slim.

 

[amc80]

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I was worried about having a large baby as well, but my OB told me the same thing- that the baby's size is more based on the mom's size at birth than the dad's. I was born two months early, though, so that wasn't very helpful. My DH is 6'7" so I was a little nervous. Luckily, he was something like 7lbs at birth- totally average. What I didn't know, though, is that he was born a month early. B measured big from 20 weeks on. At my 20 week scan he was an entire week ahead. I had a lot of growth scans, and by 35 weeks he was 3-4 weeks ahead. I had a final growth scan around 37 weeks and I remember his head was measuring something like 42 weeks. Um, can we get this kid out of me please? I was induced a week early because of his size. When he came out he was fairly skinny and the doctor said "oh he's not that big, I guess the scans were wrong." Then they put him on the scale and he was 8lbs10.5oz. We were all a bit puzzled until he was measured and found to be 22" long. So yeah, I basically gave birth to a 6 week old. With a square block head. He still has the block head today and he's still huge (he will be 2 in August and he's in 3T clothes).

Okay now I feel like I'm doing a really bad job of being reassuring....The good news is we are built for this and our bodies know what to do. And if they don't, we have a beautiful thing called modern medicine

By the way, labor itself wasn't too painful, once I had the epi. I had back labor all night which was terrible, but that epi was amazing. I didn't feel any contractions after that point. Unfortunately, just as I reach 10cm it ran out. The nurse said it was fine because it would take around two hours to wear off at that point. Which would have been fine, had I not been pushing for 3.5 hours. See why I'm opting for a c-section? The only way I'm giving birth again is if I'm stuck in an elevator or something.

 

[JGator]

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shihtzulover, when I was born, I was 8 lbs and 11 oz and all of my ultrasounds showed that my dd was going to be at least 8lbs. She was only 7lbs even and ended up losing about 2lbs before we left the hospital. So, don't trust those ultrasound estimates when you do start getting them. Also, I had a c-section, and it was very smooth sailing. On eating, when I was pregnant, I ate a lot of string cheese and lemonade. I think eating multiple small meals and snacks is a good idea. I think the gas is par for the course for the rest of your pregnancy. If you do get constipated, take Colace (I think I took it daily), and/or try PlumSmart which is prune juice that tastes much better. I also had a lot of anxiety about my body changing and being taken over by the baby. I found that prenatal yoga videos really helped - stretching and breathing were calming influences for me. I lost the weight after the delivery pretty quickly - maybe due to breastfeeding which burns a lot of calories. Good luck to you and everyone else here!

 

[Laila619]

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Is anyone else terrified of labor and delivery? The whole process of being pregnant and going through L&D scares me. I read "What to Expect" and found the book more terrifying that reassuring.

If I had to list them out, here are my fears:
1. fecal incontinence from tearing
2. gaining weight and not being able to lose it
3. varicose veins
4. stretch marks

I know that this stuff shouldn't matter as long as I have a healthy baby, but it does matter to me. I'm used to being in pretty good shape and not going to the bathroom in my pants. Is anyone else scared?

Don't worry!! It's not all that bad. I birthed a 9lb 6 oz baby vaginally, and I have no urine or fecal incontinence whatsoever. Gaining weight and not being able to lose it? Yes, but that's because I'm just lazy and don't work out. And I got no varicose veins or stretch marks. What I did experience after my 2nd pregnancy is my shoe size and ring size went up. Kinda sucked because I had to give away all my cute shoes. But that's not the norm, I don't think that happens too often.

 

[SMC]

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Don't worry!! It's not all that bad. I birthed a 9lb 6 oz baby vaginally, and I have no urine or fecal incontinence whatsoever. Gaining weight and not being able to lose it? Yes, but that's because I'm just lazy and don't work out. And I got no varicose veins or stretch marks. What I did experience after my 2nd pregnancy is my shoe size and ring size went up. Kinda sucked because I had to give away all my cute shoes. But that's not the norm, I don't think that happens too often.

Thanks for the reassurance! I'm barely 6w today and I already feel very different, and not in a good way. Normal people won't be able to tell but I'm feeling super bloated and uncomfortable already - there are already pairs of jeans that I can't zip up. To imagine I have 34 more weeks of feeling like this (and possibly getting worse) is depressing.

Luckily, no morning sickness yet. When does that normally kick in?

 

[amc80]

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Is anyone else terrified of labor and delivery? The whole process of being pregnant and going through L&D scares me. I read "What to Expect" and found the book more terrifying that reassuring.

If I had to list them out, here are my fears:
1. fecal incontinence from tearing
2. gaining weight and not being able to lose it
3. varicose veins
4. stretch marks

I know that this stuff shouldn't matter as long as I have a healthy baby, but it does matter to me. I'm used to being in pretty good shape and not going to the bathroom in my pants. Is anyone else scared?

Don't worry!! It's not all that bad. I birthed a 9lb 6 oz baby vaginally, and I have no urine or fecal incontinence whatsoever. Gaining weight and not being able to lose it? Yes, but that's because I'm just lazy and don't work out. And I got no varicose veins or stretch marks. What I did experience after my 2nd pregnancy is my shoe size and ring size went up. Kinda sucked because I had to give away all my cute shoes. But that's not the norm, I don't think that happens too often.

My feet got bigger with B...I really hope they don't get any bigger!

SMC, I think the important thing to remember is everyone's experience is different. Some people have awesome, painless, straight-forward births. I have a friend whose husband was telling her jokes and the doctor told her to stop laughing because she was literally laughing out the baby. I think she pushed twice. It's obviously a full spectrum of what can happen but most people are just fine. So don't let my horror stories scare you

 

[amc80]

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Don't worry!! It's not all that bad. I birthed a 9lb 6 oz baby vaginally, and I have no urine or fecal incontinence whatsoever. Gaining weight and not being able to lose it? Yes, but that's because I'm just lazy and don't work out. And I got no varicose veins or stretch marks. What I did experience after my 2nd pregnancy is my shoe size and ring size went up. Kinda sucked because I had to give away all my cute shoes. But that's not the norm, I don't think that happens too often.

Thanks for the reassurance! I'm barely 6w today and I already feel very different, and not in a good way. Normal people won't be able to tell but I'm feeling super bloated and uncomfortable already - there are already pairs of jeans that I can't zip up. To imagine I have 34 more weeks of feeling like this (and possibly getting worse) is depressing.

Luckily, no morning sickness yet. When does that normally kick in?

Mine kicked in at 6w on the day. With my m/c in February, I had it from about 11dpo on. Maybe you'll be a lucky one who doesn't get it at all!

For the pants- I recommend getting a Bella Band, either the band itself or the tank version. Or you can do the rubberband trick where you loop a rubber band through the button hole and to the button. A lot of people love that but I always found it a bit uncomfortable.

 

[Bella_mezzo]

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SMC-Just popping in to say that everyone's experience is different but this was mine...I had a difficult pregnancy (constant vomiting up to and including labor), difficult labor (my brith story is somewhere in the pregnancy or newborn thread in Jan/Feb of 2014 but the cliff notes is that I went into labor with my water breaking almost a month early, had 40 hours of labor, a whole bunch of complications, my son was 7 lbs and was born with a huge head and shoulders, "sunny side up", with one hand in his mouth and one next to his head so there was a huge circumference to come through my lady parts , I had a vacuum and a small episiotomy) and my recovery was easy-peasy.

I was a little bruised/sore feeling in my lady bits for a few days but that was it. The rest of me felt great, I had some stretch marks but 4 months later they are mostly faded, I am about 10-15 lbs lighter than before I got pregnant (a very twisted side benefit of hyperemesis!), I was a little leaky the first few days post-partum but regained full bladder control within about 2 weeks, and overall consider breastfeeding and recovery from labor 1000% the easy part

There is also a postpartum recovery thread that has some great tips and highlights a lot of ladies' experiences.

My three biggest tips are:
1. Find a provider who you trust who, if at all medically possible, will help you have the kind of birth you want and think will be best for your body
2. Rinse with lukewarm water in the peribottle and witch hazel and apply mama bottom balm liberally and often as soon as you leave the delivery room (this worked for me WAY better than dermablast)
3. Keep taking your stool softeners for a week or two after you think you don't need them anymore! My first postpartum poop was fine, the second gave me a fissure that hurt far more than my labor recovery!

 

[amc80]

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As Bella mentioned, there is a PP thread on here somewhere that has awesome tips for what to expect after delivery. I need to reread it since I'm have a c-section this time, so thanks for the reminder, Bella.

How is everyone doing? I felt sort of blah over the weekend. Not ms, but just an icky feeling that would come and go. Today I woke up with full on ms....that "am I on a boat?" feeling. It isn't horrible yet but it is definitely the real deal. It's actually good timing because (TMI) last night I noticed a little pink on the TP. I was freaking out but couldn't find any more. I woke up this morning and felt a lot of wetness down there, and thought for sure that AF had started....nope! I guess it was just leftovers from my progesterone. I still look for AF every time I go to the bathroom. I'm hoping that as my symptoms act up a bit I won't be quite so neurotic.

 

[ladypirate]

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AMC, I feel the same way about the symptoms! The only things so far are sore boobs and having to pee more frequently. I can't wait until I hit the 12 week mark so I don't have to keep my excitement in check quite as much. I'm glad that you haven't had any more spotting.

Also, so funny that your husband is 6'7", that's the same height as mine! I was the bigger baby at birth, though, so I'm in trouble. I was ~8.5 lbs and 23" long with a big head and shoulders.

I'm not too freaked out about the delivery yet, but I'm definitely not looking forward to all the stretch marks. I'm hoping my fairly oily skin helps me out there.

ShihtzuLover, I'm sure you look great! If your body is telling you you need to eat frequently, then I think you should listen.

SMC, I'm definitely bloated as well. I'm trying not to worry about it, but I know it's tough.

 

[SMC]

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I've been feeling slightly nauseous but not to the point of actually throwing up. The idea of eating certain foods (fish in particular but also sour cream and onion potato chips, chocolate, drinking milk) makes me feel even sicker. I'm only 6 weeks and I've heard that it gets worse until like 10-12 weeks before it gets better. I hope I can stand it! The bloating seems to have gotten better, but I'm putting my skinny jeans away for at least a year (and am considering giving them away altogether).

To be honest, I'm really apprehensive/scared about having a baby because I'm not ready for all the responsibility and all the changes my body will go through. Financially, we're ok, but mentally, I'm not prepared for all the work with raising a child. This may sound mean, but I don't find newborns and infants particularly enjoyable to be with. It's not until they're like 2 before I derive enjoyment from their company, and I really prefer hanging out with older children - so I feel like I'm setting myself up for a few years of suffering. I hope I feel differently when it's my own child. Also, I got a BFP the same month we started trying and I thought that it would take longer - I was expecting a few cycles of BFNs (and hopefully feeling disappointment) and more time to mentally prepare for having a child. When I got the BFP, my first feelings were way more nervousness and sadness (the end of my freedom!) than happiness.

I don't know when I'll ever be ready so I'm just taking it as it goes.

Anyway, this is just a rant. I would never get an abortion because we're in a good place to have children, lots of people don't get this opportunity, and I'm not young (I'm 33!) so it's now or never. I'm just really really really hoping my feelings will change over the course of my pregnancy and when I finally have the child. Right now, I don't have any maternal feelings whatsoever and have a hard time comprehending how I'd love someone that I've never met simply because I made him/her.

 

[mia1181]

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Hey ladies just popping in to say congrats to you all! Great to see this thread moving!


SMC- I saw your post and had to respond! I think you will get there, just take it day by day. There are a lot of things about pregnancy, labor, delivery, recovery and parenthood that just plain suck. There WILL be times where you feel your lowest of lows. The beginning of pregnancy is awful. You feel your worst and look fat instead of pregnant and you know you have a long way to go. But then you get little happy moments on the way, like seeing this creature on an ultrasound, the second trimester "burst of energy," finding out the gender, having a fun baby shower. The third trimester sucks because you will carrying around all this weight and you will just want it to be over. But you will also feel the baby move and have strangers opening doors for you and letting skip them in lines. Labor, delivery and recovery could be hard, then again you could get lucky, lots of women do. You could be the one who just pops that kid out without even the slightest tear. If you're not, again you will find ways to think positively about it. I had a c-section, not what I expected, but my vagina is intact and I don't have any problems with incontinence. And then you will have this newborn that you love but might resent at the same time. You will be so tired, but sometimes you will give up the nap you should be taking to hold your baby and watch her sleep instead. It doesn't change as the kid gets older. DD is a year old and I still think "what have we done, and why are we doing it again?!!" But most of the time I am enjoying the happy moments and there are plenty of those to go around.

You might not feel all of the things I've said. I can't tell you which of the "bad things" you will get. But just know that it is totally normal and okay to be afraid, and to not love every second of your pregnancy. But I have a feeling you will be just fine. Most women will. It's normal to not be attached to the little parasite living in you now, but you will likely bond through ultrasounds, feeling movement, and caring for the baby when it's out. And if you still have a hard time and get postpartum depression, that's normal too. Hormones are crazy! You can get help if necessary but really most women will be just fine!

I don't know if I've been reassuring. I tried not to sugar coat things. Most parents will say it's the hardest thing they've ever done but there are rewards or we wouldn't keep doing it!

 

[SMC]

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Hey ladies just popping in to say congrats to you all! Great to see this thread moving!


SMC- I saw your post and had to respond! I think you will get there, just take it day by day. There are a lot of things about pregnancy, labor, delivery, recovery and parenthood that just plain suck. There WILL be times where you feel your lowest of lows. The beginning of pregnancy is awful. You feel your worst and look fat instead of pregnant and you know you have a long way to go. But then you get little happy moments on the way, like seeing this creature on an ultrasound, the second trimester "burst of energy," finding out the gender, having a fun baby shower. The third trimester sucks because you will carrying around all this weight and you will just want it to be over. But you will also feel the baby move and have strangers opening doors for you and letting skip them in lines. Labor, delivery and recovery could be hard, then again you could get lucky, lots of women do. You could be the one who just pops that kid out without even the slightest tear. If you're not, again you will find ways to think positively about it. I had a c-section, not what I expected, but my vagina is intact and I don't have any problems with incontinence. And then you will have this newborn that you love but might resent at the same time. You will be so tired, but sometimes you will give up the nap you should be taking to hold your baby and watch her sleep instead. It doesn't change as the kid gets older. DD is a year old and I still think "what have we done, and why are we doing it again?!!" But most of the time I am enjoying the happy moments and there are plenty of those to go around.

You might not feel all of the things I've said. I can't tell you which of the "bad things" you will get. But just know that it is totally normal and okay to be afraid, and to not love every second of your pregnancy. But I have a feeling you will be just fine. Most women will. It's normal to not be attached to the little parasite living in you now, but you will likely bond through ultrasounds, feeling movement, and caring for the baby when it's out. And if you still have a hard time and get postpartum depression, that's normal too. Hormones are crazy! You can get help if necessary but really most women will be just fine!

I don't know if I've been reassuring. I tried not to sugar coat things. Most parents will say it's the hardest thing they've ever done but there are rewards or we wouldn't keep doing it!

Thank you - you are so kind. I am really hoping that things will change. I've been reading all the posts on this site and on BabyCenter and everyone just seems so !!elated!! to be pregnant that I wonder if I'm weird to be unexcited. I really like my life right now without kids, and I'm scared of giving that up forever (or at least 22 years). Plus, a baby brings so much extra work and I'm already tired all the time without kids.

It doesn't really help that my extended family doesn't provide stellar examples of having a great work-family balance. My SIL has a full-time nanny for her 2 kids but she still has no time to exercise or keep herself in shape (and her house is a mess). My BIL has 3 kids but he lives in Hong Kong with 2 maids so bringing kids into his life hardly cramped his style at all (he only has to do the fun part like play with him, but never has to change a diaper or do laundry). My DH and I will be doing this alone in the States and likely going the daycare route so the amount of work that I anticipate having to do with a baby seems really scary!

Anyway, I'm hoping these feelings will pass and I'll get more excited with time.

 

[ladypirate]

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SMC, *hugs*! I hear where you're coming from on not wanting to give up your "DINK" lifestyle and on feeling overwhelmed. My husband and I both love what we do and I'm really nervous that having a kid is going to negatively impact my career. Most of our current favorite things to do are not particularly kid friendly and few of my local friends have kids, so I am worried that it's going to be really lonely. Our families both live far away and I don't know how we're going to make it work.

At the same time, we're both cautiously excited about the next chapter in our lives. It's going to be a scary adventure, but I think it'll all be worth it in the end. I certainly hope so!

 

[pancake]

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I always knew I wanted kids - but even then when we got pregnant with #1 I freaked out. About lots of the things you mentioned, smc.

All of the things I feared would change HAVE changed but I feel like my life has taken off, exploded (in a good way), in the last 2 years. I'm now 27 weeks pregnant with #2, and whilst I worry about how her arrival will affect #1, I overwhelmingly "know" that she will bring even MORE joy and even MORE of a feeling of fulfilment, loads of hard days and tiredness but I won't ever question that it was the right thing to do.

You just have to dive in!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

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smc, I could have written your post a few years ago. When we got our BFP after TTC#1, we both cried. Not tears of joy, tears of complete terror for how our lives were going to change. A little of it was even sadness that we knew the freedom of the life we had was over (at least for a long time). It felt odd that even though we were trying to have a baby and wanted a baby, I was having such a hard time accepting the good news.

Also, I wasn't a "baby" person. Nor was I one of those women who always wanted to be a mom. I didn't feel especially patient or maternal. I HATE the thought of Disney World.

I know that there is a lot of pressure when you're expecting a baby. Everybody thinks you're over the moon. Other parents tell you that you've never felt love so deep or that your whole world changes once you have a baby. It makes you feel like if you don't have this euphoric moment where the heavens part and angels sing once that baby is placed in your arms, it means you're the worst mother ever. Avoid the pressure as much as possible. And don't feel guilty about being scared. It's healthy to be scared. You're being realistic. I think that's good parenting.

But being on the other side (with a toddler and an infant), I am now one of those annoying people who gushes with excitement when somebody is pregnant. And I blab about how you've never known a love so deep and how words aren't enough and blah blah blah because I can't help it. I'm genuinely excited for you. Yes, your life changes. Yes, some moments suck. Yes, life is...harder. But it's also more full. And it's fun. And you feel lucky and grateful. And you don't even have to like other peoples' kids

 

[JGator]

Re:

SMC, a huge "LIKE" and Ditto to NEL and Pancake. I have always been a baby/kid lover, but it's totally different when you can hand the kid back to his/her parents than when it's yours 24X7! I also had anxiety, and it's totally normal. I had 40 years of being free and travelling (and sleeping in) without a kid, and I feared the adjustment. You kind of go into survival mode at the beginning and those fears subside as you deal with the day to day needs of an infant. And, once you get some interaction/feedback/reactions from the baby, it's the best and so worth it all! You can do this!!! Hang in there!

 

[SMC]

Re:

ladypirate, pancake, NewEnglandLady, & jgator - thank you for the reassurance! It's comforting to know that those who've been through this (and are loving motherhood) started with approximately the same feelings that I feel now. I'm trying my best to do everything right - eating healthier, taking my vitamins, and exercising because I want to give this baby and myself the best chance at being happy. I'm pretty sure I'd be sad if this pregnancy ended in a MC so I do know that I want to have a child. It's just ... scary! DH assures me that plenty of people who are in situations less comfortable than ours (we are not rich but not poor) have managed just fine so there's no reason why we can't do it. I'm just selfish right now, but I'm hoping that will change once the kid comes!

I feel pretty crappy in the morning but I haven't thrown up yet (thank goodness) and it subsides once I get some food in me. Crossing my fingers that it doesn't get much worse!

And I can't wait until the first doctor's appointment. It's not for 2 more weeks - feels like forever!

 

[amc80]

Re:

SMC- I totally get your post. I don't like newborns at all. And I really dislike pregnancy. I see it as a means to an end. If I could skip the entire pregnancy and newborn phase, I would. Please, just give me a 6 month old who can sit on their own and actually interact with me. Someone brought in a newborn to work and everyone was fussing over it and wanting to hold it. Um, no thanks, I'm good.

The other thing that isn't spoken about much is what happens right when the baby is born. I always heard of women having this rush of "I've never loved anything so much" feeling. I didn't have that at all. My initial thought was "thank God that's over," followed by "I would like to sleep." I mean I was happy he was there and it was neat to see him and see what he looked like, but that was about it. And I didn't have an immediate bond with him, either. He was a stranger. A new little human who I knew nothing about. It took a while, maybe 2-4 weeks, for me to really be like "this is MY baby." I didn't get upset over it or feel like I was a horrible mother, but I was envious of those women who feel an immediate bond.

There's no way to sugar coat it- your life is going to change, instantly and permanently (well, for 18 years). The good news is you still have around 34 weeks until that happens. Make it a point to go out to dinner a lot, go to the movies, go out late and sleep in, etc. Go on some vacations (even if they are just long weekends) and enjoy time with your husband. Life doesn't end when you have a kid, but your ability to do what you want, when you want, definitely changes. The thing I miss more than anything is sleeping in. B doesn't know that it's a Saturday, he still wakes up at 6am regardless. I know it's temporary and eventually he'll sleep in (or he will be old enough to get himself up and entertain himself for an hour).

But, you will also have this little person who loves you unconditionally. You will be the one they want. When I pick B up from day care, he yells "mama" and runs to me and gives me a hug. When I put him in bed at night he grabs his stuffed giraffe and has it give me a kiss. These little moments really do make it worth it, as cheesy as that sounds.

 

[SMC]

Re: Re:

SMC- I totally get your post. I don't like newborns at all. And I really dislike pregnancy. I see it as a means to an end. If I could skip the entire pregnancy and newborn phase, I would. Please, just give me a 6 month old who can sit on their own and actually interact with me. Someone brought in a newborn to work and everyone was fussing over it and wanting to hold it. Um, no thanks, I'm good.

The other thing that isn't spoken about much is what happens right when the baby is born. I always heard of women having this rush of "I've never loved anything so much" feeling. I didn't have that at all. My initial thought was "thank God that's over," followed by "I would like to sleep." I mean I was happy he was there and it was neat to see him and see what he looked like, but that was about it. And I didn't have an immediate bond with him, either. He was a stranger. A new little human who I knew nothing about. It took a while, maybe 2-4 weeks, for me to really be like "this is MY baby." I didn't get upset over it or feel like I was a horrible mother, but I was envious of those women who feel an immediate bond.

There's no way to sugar coat it- your life is going to change, instantly and permanently (well, for 18 years). The good news is you still have around 34 weeks until that happens. Make it a point to go out to dinner a lot, go to the movies, go out late and sleep in, etc. Go on some vacations (even if they are just long weekends) and enjoy time with your husband. Life doesn't end when you have a kid, but your ability to do what you want, when you want, definitely changes. The thing I miss more than anything is sleeping in. B doesn't know that it's a Saturday, he still wakes up at 6am regardless. I know it's temporary and eventually he'll sleep in (or he will be old enough to get himself up and entertain himself for an hour).

But, you will also have this little person who loves you unconditionally. You will be the one they want. When I pick B up from day care, he yells "mama" and runs to me and gives me a hug. When I put him in bed at night he grabs his stuffed giraffe and has it give me a kiss. These little moments really do make it worth it, as cheesy as that sounds.

Thank you for your post. I'm glad that I'm not the only one who doesn't find enjoyment in newborns. To me, they're kind of like slugs - but demanding ones! Anyway, we're going to take this one step at a time. I can't wait for the first trimester to be over so everything's stable. I'm waiting until after the 1st doctor's appointment (at 8 weeks) to tell people. It's frustrating to sit here, feeling sort of crappy and bloated, and not being able to talk about it with anyone!

 

[amc80]

Re: Re:

Thank you for your post. I'm glad that I'm not the only one who doesn't find enjoyment in newborns. To me, they're kind of like slugs - but demanding ones! Anyway, we're going to take this one step at a time. I can't wait for the first trimester to be over so everything's stable. I'm waiting until after the 1st doctor's appointment (at 8 weeks) to tell people. It's frustrating to sit here, feeling sort of crappy and bloated, and not being able to talk about it with anyone!

Ugh, I feel your pain! Yesterday I felt so awful all day, and I can't even tell anyone why. Today I feel much better, thank goodness. We are telling our parents after the first u/s (June 23), and will tell everyone else after the NT scan around 12/13 weeks (unless I'm really sick, in which case I'll tell my boss earlier). It seems like such a long time from now!

 

[SMC]

Re: Re:

Ugh, I feel your pain! Yesterday I felt so awful all day, and I can't even tell anyone why. Today I feel much better, thank goodness. We are telling our parents after the first u/s (June 23), and will tell everyone else after the NT scan around 12/13 weeks (unless I'm really sick, in which case I'll tell my boss earlier). It seems like such a long time from now!

I totally want to tell my manager too! But I feel like until I can confirm that there's something in there through a doctor, it's not real yet. I plan to tell my parents this weekend since I'll be visiting them for Father's Day (the live 2 hours away by plane). I know they will be super excited as it's their first grandchild. It'll be the 6th grandchild on DH's side so I don't think they will be as happy.

When does morning sickness usually peak? I feel like it's slowly building up for me, but it's not yet unmanageable (i.e. have not puked!).

 

[amc80]

Re: Re:

Ugh, I feel your pain! Yesterday I felt so awful all day, and I can't even tell anyone why. Today I feel much better, thank goodness. We are telling our parents after the first u/s (June 23), and will tell everyone else after the NT scan around 12/13 weeks (unless I'm really sick, in which case I'll tell my boss earlier). It seems like such a long time from now!

I totally want to tell my manager too! But I feel like until I can confirm that there's something in there through a doctor, it's not real yet. I plan to tell my parents this weekend since I'll be visiting them for Father's Day (the live 2 hours away by plane). I know they will be super excited as it's their first grandchild. It'll be the 6th grandchild on DH's side so I don't think they will be as happy.

When does morning sickness usually peak? I feel like it's slowly building up for me, but it's not yet unmanageable (i.e. have not puked!).

It's totally different for everyone. With B, it kicked in full strength at 6 weeks on the dot, and lasted until around 16 weeks. There wasn't a day without it, it was constant. Apparently, this pregnancy is different in that it comes and goes. It may not stay that way but I will enjoy the good days while they last. For most people it goes away around 10 weeks when the placenta takes over.