Would you want your kids/grandkids to feel comfortable...

[pandabee]

Re: Would you want your kids/grandkids to feel comfortable..

In my culture it would be extremely frowned upon and bad luck to ask something of an elder family member like that. It would be close to wishing their passing so you could have their possessions. By no means do I get that feeling from you in this particular situation, but I do think you should just let the grandmother decide on her own what to do with her jewelry.

 

[LLJsmom]

Re: Would you want your kids/grandkids to feel comfortable..

I would never ask anyone, my mom, MIL, grandmother, etc. I myself would bring this up with my daughter when the time came. When she gets married someday (if she does), I will be giving her my anniversary ring. As for when my daughter gets married, I would expect her fiance to present her with an e-ring. That to me is his role. My jewelry will go to my daughter and granddaughters, but my daughter's husband is not off the hook. My stones will just be a measuring stick.

 

[ponder]

Re: Would you want your kids/grandkids to feel comfortable..

Hmmm... Yes and no. I agree that your timing may be off and due to the value of the request it could appear to be greedy. My grandma passed this last weekend, and while having nothing of any real monetary value she was the type of person who started giving things away or labeling items with masking tape and your name well before she started having any serious health issues. I had no qualms asking for an antique sewing machine she had in the back corner of the garage holding empty flower pots and cans of motor oil. She was amazed that I wanted it, she saw no value in it. I valued it because my grandma taught my mom to sew on it. I also had no qualms insisting that my parents collect my grandma's hope chest that contained her wedding gown after she moved into the nursing home. None of my mother's brothers wanted it, although I bet a few of my cousins would have wanted it. Oh well, I guess there are a few perks to being the only daughter's only daughter.

 

[AprilBaby]

Re: Would you want your kids/grandkids to feel comfortable..

If I was close to her I would just ask. I plan on giving mine away long before I am gone.

Just keep me in mind...

You will be fifth in line!

 

[partgypsy]

Re: Would you want your kids/grandkids to feel comfortable..

I think the timing is not great. If it was any other circumstance and I felt close to that person, I would just gossip about the situation with the lady, talking about the two couples, and saying something like "they are just waiting to get engaged when they can afford a ring." And not really more than that. Because it gives the person the information, and the chance to offer, but if they do not feel like offering, they are not put on the spot.
My nephew recently got engaged. I even sent him a message or two saying how much I enjoy jewelry and if he wants any tips on finding a ring I'd be happy to help (it wasn't a big secret what their status was). But then I heard through the grapevine they were using a family ring from her side of the family. So everyone was happy; that they are trying to start off their lives frugally, and she has a piece of jewelry that she got to check out ahead of time that has a family connection.

 

[LLJsmom]

Re: Would you want your kids/grandkids to feel comfortable..

Hmmm... Yes and no. I agree that your timing may be off and due to the value of the request it could appear to be greedy. My grandma passed this last weekend, and while having nothing of any real monetary value she was the type of person who started giving things away or labeling items with masking tape and your name well before she started having any serious health issues. I had no qualms asking for an antique sewing machine she had in the back corner of the garage holding empty flower pots and cans of motor oil. She was amazed that I wanted it, she saw no value in it. I valued it because my grandma taught my mom to sew on it. I also had no qualms insisting that my parents collect my grandma's hope chest that contained her wedding gown after she moved into the nursing home. None of my mother's brothers wanted it, although I bet a few of my cousins would have wanted it. Oh well, I guess there are a few perks to being the only daughter's only daughter.

It's lovely that you wanted her sewing machine, that a piece a machinery would have such meaning. If that was my granddaughter, I would have been very touched...

 

[zoebartlett]

Re: Would you want your kids/grandkids to feel comfortable..

No, I think the offer of giving jewelry should come from the person with the jewelry, not the person who wants the jewelry (or the person who wants the jewelry distributed).

I feel this way too. I wouldn't feel comfortable asking. I guess depending on how it's worded and how close the couple and his/her grandparents are it could be fine to ask. I'd err on the side of caution though and not mention anything.

 

[JewelFreak]

Re: Would you want your kids/grandkids to feel comfortable..

I, too, would feel uncomfortable asking for something, especially of an old lady with health problems. It's just too much "Let's get this over while you're still alive," though I know you don't mean it that way. She might be delighted to help them, but I would not, myself, in a million years risk what the grandmother might think. Undergoing cancer treatment is hard enough without the suspicion the family is trying to rush you offstage.

Actually, this isn't your problem. If they are old enough to live together, they're old enough to figure out their own e-ring solutions. Let them, like real grownups. DH & I had a fun engagement & a valid wedding without an e-ring, almost 37 years ago. It works just fine.

If they receive some of her jewelry after she dies -- a long time in the future -- rings can be changed on & off for different occasions or worn as RHRs. Enjoy her while she's with you, without the chance of "stuff" getting in the way.

--- Laurie

 

[minousbijoux]

Re: Would you want your kids/grandkids to feel comfortable..

I have some nice stones put away at the bank and often think it would be great if my kids would come to me at a later date and ask for one for an ER. That would be so awesome! But then I think it would have to be at the right time (not too soon), and it would have to be the right SO, and it would have to be...there I go again, trying to take charge!

 

[jaysonsmom]

Re: Would you want your kids/grandkids to feel comfortable..

At my relatively youthful age of 41, i have already asked my kids who wants what in the event that I pass. I don't want it going to Dh's next wife! I would probably just want to be buried with my 2mm plain band. This way, they already know that I expect them to have it, and if they had the need for it (before I'm on my deathbed), I would be okay with them coming to ask for it.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Re: Would you want your kids/grandkids to feel comfortable..

My 6 year old already asks for all my belongs "when you die." I have no advice for your situation but did want to mention (as a PSA) no one should ever go to a hospital/rehab/nursing home with valuable jewelry. The employees get paid so little. It is too tempting. My grandmother had ALL her jewelry (that she wore 24/7 and never took off) stolen in a nursing home. First it was her rings. Then her necklaces were taken off her after she passed. As much is I would never feel comfortable asking for anything I hate that they probably got pawned. I already told my mom I was not letting her wear anything of value if she is ever in the same situation.

 

[alene]

Re: Would you want your kids/grandkids to feel comfortable..

My 5-year-old daughter has called dibs on all my jewelry too once I'm dead (my son just wants my phone). Seriously, I'm not sure how I'd feel when they're older but I would want them to be completely financially independent before getting married, and would include being able to afford their own engagement ring. Myself, I'd never ask anyone for their jewelry, I just can't imagine the circumstances where it would be appropriate.