Tacky to put registry cards in invites?

[Strawdermangrl]

I am new to PS, wondering what general opinion is about putting cards from your registry in the invites is a "no no" or if it has become ok?


Thanks!

 

[teebee]

Date: 3/11/2005 4

8:10 PM
Author:Strawdermangrl
I am new to PS, wondering what general opinion is about putting cards from your registry in the invites is a ''no no'' or if it has become ok?


Thanks!

Hi Strawdermangrl!! Welcome to PS!!

As for the registry info... Yep, I think it is still considered a pretty big etiquette "no-no" to include that info in the wedding invitations. Traditionally, this info is spread by word of mouth through parents and attendants. Are you having a wedding website? I think that is a great way to inform guests about your registry. Also, when I have thrown wedding showers for friends, I have included their registry with the shower invites and I believe that is quite acceptable because it is someone other than the bride herself informing people where they can go to buy her gifts!!

Hope that helps!!

 

[Strawdermangrl]

Thank you so much!

Most of the people that are invited are on the other side of the country so obviously I didn''t know what to do, I appreicate it!

 

[flopkins]

i second teebee, personally I think it''s tacky still, but hey, to each their own - I think the best way to get around it is to put it inconspicuously (sp?!!) on the wedding website!!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I think it''s very tacky. . .only one person I know has put a registration notice in a card and she tends to be a fairly pushy girl, in general, so her sticking her *Target* registration notice in really annoyed me

 

[mightyred]

Teebee hit the nail on the head.....definately not etiquette to put registry info in the invites but it''s perfectly acceptable to put it on the website and/or let parents family tell people by word of mouth.

Don''t worry if you are not web savvy.......most places like The Knot let you set up an announcement page step by step!

 

[WTNLVR]

As a guest at countless weddings over the years, I can tell you that people call each other to find out where the couple is registered. Including a registry card in the invite is a HUGE no-no. Some people won''t bother with the registry and give you outrageous gifts. 15 years after our wedding , we still joke about the hideous vegetable motif platter we received (and promptly returned) for our wedding. These days most people, except close friends and close family, opt out for the easy way and give cash.

 

[windy1365]

My fiance made me do it!! I didn''t want to, but he insited that the last few wedding invitations that we got had it in it. It will ensure that you get the things you want.

 

[singingbell]

Personally I find it very tacky. The last three wedding invitations I've received all included a registry card, and a fourth invitation specifically asked for monetary donations to help pay for the couple's honeymoon! I was surprised because all those couples are not normally imposing or overly-demanding, yet I kind of felt like they were telling me that they valued my gift as much or more than my presence at the wedding. I like the convenience of gift registries as much as anyone, but I can easily get that information from the family or friends of the happy couple.

Of course I've been keeping my feelings to myself in front of those couples for the sake of maintaining peace and harmony.

I just hope that this practice isn't going to become a trend!

Edited to fix a typo

 

[MelissaSue]

its an etiquette no-no, so I won''t do it.. but I honestly don''t see the harm. Its not like you''re demaning gifts..

 

[Mara]

i know that it's a huge etiquette no-no but for me I was SOO tempted to do it.

here is why..i personally really dislike receiving gifts that i do not want. i am so not into when people try to get creative about their gift....UNLESS they know me super well and can really gauge what I/we would like.

getting a waterford vase from a friend, however nice it may be, just has no room in our life for now....whereas that could have been another place setting of china, which we WILL use. the waterford vase has been in the closet for a year. doesn't mean we will NEVER use it, but i just am so much more into useful things.

i always use people's registries to buy, so i of course wished people would use ours, or if they are going to be creative, at least know that i will love it. i could have cared less if we got gifts from people, but if you do buy something, make sure it's wanted.

also alot of people ask YOU the bride or groom where you are registered. so why not just tell them up front?

i know that technically it's tacky but i think if more people did it, at least others would know the drill ..and some people are shy about asking other people about where you are registered, and what about those people who do not know other people aka friends out of the loop or people who don't live near you etc. i know alot of people who attended our wedding who did not have the 'connection' to my maids to ask about registries, etc. so they just bought whatever or asked me themselves.

however, we didn't include any sort of registry card as a nod to proper etiquette and i just tried to spread the word to those who asked and through my maids...but there's always people you miss who give you random things, aka a silver butane long-handled lighter...like for a grill????

 

[elepri]

Since people are technically not obligated to give you wedding gifts, inlcuding registry information or implying in any way that you''re expecting gifts is very tacky. However, for some reason, it''s considered appropriate to include that information in your shower invite ( i guess because the whole point of a shower is gift giving). Even if you''re not having a shower or inviting a lot more people to the wedding than to the shower, most guests know that couples register and will ask around to find out where. I''ve had people ask me directly where fiance and I registered and i have no problem telling them but i wouldn''t initiate this conversation.

 

[blueroses]

Well--I suppose it''s ok in a shower invite b/c technically the bride herself (nor a sister or mother) is not supposed to ever throw herself a shower at all!!

Agreed. No problem with it on a website, or answered if asked....but just not good form at all--tackytackytacky--with the invitation. I have seen people who''ve included the info in with their savethedates, but that''s not much better. If there''s no way to rely on word of mouth, then including the website on the savethedate is a good compromise I think.

 

[teebee]

Date: 3/12/2005 2:53:21 PM
Author: blueroses
Well--I suppose it''s ok in a shower invite b/c technically the bride herself (nor a sister or mother) is not supposed to ever throw herself a shower at all!!

Agreed. No problem with it on a website, or answered if asked....but just not good form at all--tackytackytacky--with the invitation. I have seen people who''ve included the info in with their savethedates, but that''s not much better. If there''s no way to rely on word of mouth, then including the website on the savethedate is a good compromise I think.

Good point Blueroses about putting website on the save-the-dates. I think that is what we will do and is completely justified since we are having a semi-destination wedding and there will be a lot of information people will need.

 

[youngster]

Date: 3/11/2005 10:50:58 PM
Author: Mara

however, we didn''t include any sort of registry card as a nod to proper etiquette and i just tried to spread the word to those who asked and through my maids...but there''s always people you miss who give you random things, aka a silver butane long-handled lighter...like for a grill????

No kidding! No matter how hard you try to (delicately) spread the word about where you are registered, you are still going to receive a number of gifts that just come out of left field. Most people are happy to give you something that you truly want but there are a few that will refuse to use the registry. Some creative gifts can be fun, especially if the giver knows you well, but others? I ended up quietly donating several un-returnable items to charity a few years after we were married. In the meantime, they just took up valuable closet/storage space.

 

[meghannk]

Also new to PS ... I''m addicted to all things wedding related!!!

Anyhoo, I''m not a big stickler when it comes to rules, but this is just something I cannot bend on. I feel it says that the guests'' presents, not their presence, is what matters to a bride and groom that include registry info in their invites.

Shower invites, however? Fair game! It is an event based on giving gifts and is thrown by the exact people who are supposed to be spreading the word about your registry!

A lot of stores are now giving you registry cards to include in your invites, which is why I think more and more people are assuming it is an accepted practice and throwing them in there. I''m just passing mine along to my MOH and she can decide if she wants to use them or not.

Ps - this guy is just a lil'' bit creepy ...

 

[Strawdermangrl]

Thank you guys soooo much! I was wondering, I have always been against but we were registering at Foleys the other day and the "bridal expert consultant" assured me that it was a thing of the past to frown upon the registry cards in the invites. I am going to the east coast this weekend so I will just use the mouth that the Lord blessed me with to get the word out! Any ways I just really appriecate the time yall took to help a poor lost Bride not to look tacky!!

 

[windy1365]

My fiancee made me put it in the invitations!! Now I''m embarrassed since you all say that it is so tacky. I even showed him that it says it is tacky on theknot.com, etc, but he wouldn''t listen. He insisted that his friends included it in their invitations - which I don''t remember. I think he just imagined that.

 

[MelissaSue]

lol.. for some reason the random gift thing reminded me of a year or so ago when my FSIL for her 18th birthday got a pewter CANDLE snuffer from one of her aunts.. she just did NOT know what to do with the thing! Who uses a candle snuffer these days? She snuffed out the candles on her birthday cake.. That just seems like something someone would give for a wedding gift.

Hmm.. I think the wedding webpage with registry info on it is a really good alternative.. Because i have some OOT guests who could really use the guidance. I also am someone who will really NEED things off a registry.. We won''t have our own place until right before the wedding.. so I will have lots of use for things like cookware and sheets and towels.. and no use for things like pewter candle snuffers and crystal bowls.

 

[elepri]

The problem with those clueless out-of-town guests is that you can send them letters every day with your registry information and they still get you something you don''t want. We had an engagement party last summer and people actually asked us to register, then asked where we registered and then still got us something completely different. I''ve pretty much resigned myself to the fact that we''ll be studk with a lot of gifts we don''t want. Oh well, there''s always Salvation Army.

 

[flopkins]

Date: 3/16/2005 10:34:51 AM
Author: elepri
The problem with those clueless out-of-town guests is that you can send them letters every day with your registry information and they still get you something you don''t want. We had an engagement party last summer and people actually asked us to register, then asked where we registered and then still got us something completely different. I''ve pretty much resigned myself to the fact that we''ll be studk with a lot of gifts we don''t want. Oh well, there''s always Salvation Army.

hahahaha elepri - reminds me of my friends bridal shower last yr, the guests were all close friends/family who pretty much knew where the couple was registered...
and she got THREE (not one, or two) but THREE SLOW COOKERS!!! (they did not register for *any* slow cookers...)

We think that they were ''regifted'' from thier OWN weddings!!! hehehe... ah well the least you can do is laugh about it!

 

[Buena Girl]

Date: 3/15/2005 10:59:52 PM
Author: windy1365
My fiancee made me put it in the invitations!! Now I''m embarrassed since you all say that it is so tacky. I even showed him that it says it is tacky on theknot.com, etc, but he wouldn''t listen. He insisted that his friends included it in their invitations - which I don''t remember. I think he just imagined that.

windy,

I wouldn''t stress about it

They have already been sent, right? So it is pretty much out of your hands. Anyways, it sounds like there are plenty of people out there who have also sent their registry info with their invitations.

I definitely would suggest not discussing this with guests or making a big deal out of it. The more you talk about it to your guests, the more attention it brings to the fact that you did it. Just personally thank each person who comes and tell them how grateful you are that they were able to come and be a part of your special day.

If you are still worried about "damage control", then maybe you could start a new thread and ask other pscopers for suggestions. I think the most important thing is to make sure each guest knows you value them more than the gift they gave.

 

[Buena Girl]

Date: 3/12/2005 2:53:21 PM
Author: blueroses

If there''s no way to rely on word of mouth, then including the website on the savethedate is a good compromise I think.

Love this idea!!

 

[Buena Girl]

I just looked back at the bridal shower invitation (that the bride''s sister sent out) for a shower I am going to next week, and places of registry are listed on the invitation. Seems like that is the current trend

 

[lmurden]

Maybe you can put it with the Save The Date.

 

[MrsFrk]

It''s tacky and presumptuous, and even if it becomes the thing to do, it is will remain tacky.

Wedding increasingly seem to be about the ''stuff''. So you get some stuff you don''t like. Big deal. Exchange it.

The thing that realllllly gets my blood boiling is when couples request cash, in writing. Now, in my culture we very often give cash to the bride and groom, but for goodness sakes, to include it on your invitations!!!