Who pupposed to pay for the bridesmaid dress?

[Dancing Fire]

the bride or the bridesmaid? what are the basic rules?...

two of my daughter's friend asked her to be one of the bridesmaid, and one of them said her bachelorette party will be in Hawaii... .. who pays for the hotel and air fare?

 

[EmeraldObsessed3]

The bridesmaid pays for the dress the bride selects.

As for the bachelorette party, the person attending pays for hotel and airfare, if she chooses to go.

 

[missy]

It's the bridesmaid's responsibility. For the dress, the trip etc. If the bridesmaid cannot afford (or does not want) to pay then she should decline the invite to be a bridesmaid. It's all part of being a bridesmaid. Same goes for a destination wedding. If it is too great a responsibility (financial or time or otherwise) one can always politely decline.

Occasionally the bride will pay for the bridesmaid dresses and hotel accommodations for a destination wedding but that is not usual or expected and a rare occurrence. But I never heard of the bride paying for her own bachelorette party.

 

[momhappy]

Typically, the bridesmaid is responsible for her own expenses.

 

[ame]

It is the bridesmaid's responsibility. I will say this though: if a bride is being unrealistic and obnoxious with her demands, and no one can go, she probably will get a reality check when everyone declines.

 

[vc10um]

Yup. What everyone else said about it being the bridesmaid's responsibility.

I've seen a lot of friendships take a nosedive when a bride's expectations on her bridal party are ridiculous.

The average cost of being a bridesmaid these days is somewhere in the $1200 range, if I remember correctly. Between the dress, the fittings, the shoes, the money for the bridal shower and bachelorette party (which is notably getting more and more extravagant as the years go by), the hotel costs surrounding the wedding...and that doesn't include full-on destination weddings at all-inclusive resorts...plus hair, makeup, and mani/pedis for the wedding day.

And that estimate goes up to about $1500-1600 when you include the cost of gifts...

 

[daintyG]

Yup. What everyone else said about it being the bridesmaid's responsibility.

I've seen a lot of friendships take a nosedive when a bride's expectations on her bridal party are ridiculous.

The average cost of being a bridesmaid these days is somewhere in the $1200 range, if I remember correctly. Between the dress, the fittings, the shoes, the money for the bridal shower and bachelorette party (which is notably getting more and more extravagant as the years go by), the hotel costs surrounding the wedding...and that doesn't include full-on destination weddings at all-inclusive resorts...plus hair, makeup, and mani/pedis for the wedding day.

And that estimate goes up to about $1500-1600 when you include the cost of gifts...

I realize that it is just expected for a bridesmaid to incur all of the costs, but I still think it is asking a lot.
In my circles, people don't have weddings quite like I hear about on PS. This may be why I just don't get this bridesmaid stuff.
That said, I did not enjoy being a bridesmaid in two weddings the same spring during my junior year of college because of the expense. I sort of grew resentful of it all in one situation. It wasn't that there was any conflict. I just got sick of being obligated to do and spend so much because I was friends with somebody getting married. I couldn't wait for it to be over by the time the wedding finally came around. So when I got married, I bought the dresses and tried to ask very little of my three bridesmaids. All I wanted was for them to be able to stand next to me and enjoy the actual wedding day, not wear them down with activities and expenses beforehand. No bridesmaid luncheons. No bachelorette parties. Just celebrate together ON my wedding day and be simple. My husband did the same for the groomsmen. People vary, I guess.

 

[ame]

I work in the wedding industry and I see a LOT of relationships end between friends with all this drama. I was a little bit different as well when I did my own, probably from experience. I didn't pay for the dresses but I didn't select an expensive one, I really didn't even care if they matched, all of my bridesmaids besides my sister were married already and made a point of saying they should match for ease so I caved on that, and really I am glad I did, they were SO easygoing. I also wanted a REALLY simple bachelorette party. I didn't want to go bar hopping. I wanted dinner and that was about it. My friends had slightly different plans, but I didn't want much going on.

I planned a much bigger ordeal for my sister because she knew what she wanted to do, an event called Demolition Ball, and I told her friends and the group invited what the plan was. I rented the court for three hours and the bar. She was also much more realistic about costs (it was $25 per person total to play for three hours and have access to the bar and snacks) and we did dinner separately at a diner after for anyone wanting to go, and it included anyone who didn't want to play.

I see my brother and his group -- he's much younger than us -- and they're going on these ridiculous trips, and have these CRAZY big bridal parties. I don't know what brought all these changes on, because it wasn't this big an ordeal when I got married. That or I am way cheap.

 

[monarch64]

DF, YOU are supposed to pay for all of it.

 

[Rhea]

In the UK the couple pays for the outfits that their wedding party wears. My husband has recently been in two weddings and one groom asked them to all wear grey suits they already owned (he asked around to see what colour everyone owned). The other the groom wanted a particular type of suit so they were picked out by him and he paid for the rental. It's the same for bridemaids' dresses here. Bride chooses, bride pays.

 

[momhappy]

Accepting the position of being a bridesmaid means accepting responsibility for the cost. No one has to be forced into being a bridesmaid (for whatever reason). I've known women who turn down being a bridesmaid because of money (or travel, or scheduling conflicts, etc.). I think that if you can't afford to pay, you politely decline.

 

[JaneSmith]

I think the bride should pay for the dresses if she wants something specific. The bridesmaid should pay for her travel, gift, etc, but the couple should keep in mind how much their friends can afford time and money wise.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Yup. What everyone else said about it being the bridesmaid's responsibility.

I've seen a lot of friendships take a nosedive when a bride's expectations on her bridal party are ridiculous.

The average cost of being a bridesmaid these days is somewhere in the $1200 range, if I remember correctly. Between the dress, the fittings, the shoes, the money for the bridal shower and bachelorette party (which is notably getting more and more extravagant as the years go by), the hotel costs surrounding the wedding...and that doesn't include full-on destination weddings at all-inclusive resorts...plus hair, makeup, and mani/pedis for the wedding day.

And that estimate goes up to about $1500-1600 when you include the cost of gifts...

That's crazy. my daughter might go broke after all her friends get married

 

[missy]

Honestly, that's why I didn't want bridesmaids in my wedding and I only asked my sister to be my maid of honor with no bridesmaids. And I let her choose her dress but just asked that it be blue (my favorite color). Worked out great.

I also chose not to have a bachelorette party per se but I had my close friends and my sister out to a ladies brunch to celebrate and it was perfect. We did not have an engagement party but had a big pre wedding outdoor party in our backyard and we said NO gifts because it was not an engagement party (though it was a month before we got married).

I do not care for the whole gift mentality. The wedding is more than enough if someone wants to give us a gift. No obligation and certainly I did not want more than one gift per couple. Crazy out of control weddings these days IMO where most of the emphasis seems to be on what can one get vs sharing happy memories with loved ones.

And I will add that I did turn down a few bridesmaid requests from friends when they got married though I was a bridesmaid in a good number of weddings. I chose carefully and was bridesmaid to my very good friends and for friends that I wasn't that close with I declined. It loses all meaning (IMO) to be a bridesmaid for friends with whom you are not super close.

 

[missy]

Yup. What everyone else said about it being the bridesmaid's responsibility.

I've seen a lot of friendships take a nosedive when a bride's expectations on her bridal party are ridiculous.

The average cost of being a bridesmaid these days is somewhere in the $1200 range, if I remember correctly. Between the dress, the fittings, the shoes, the money for the bridal shower and bachelorette party (which is notably getting more and more extravagant as the years go by), the hotel costs surrounding the wedding...and that doesn't include full-on destination weddings at all-inclusive resorts...plus hair, makeup, and mani/pedis for the wedding day.

And that estimate goes up to about $1500-1600 when you include the cost of gifts...

That's crazy. my daughter might go broke after all her friends get married

Just tell her to say NO DF. If she doesn't want to or cannot afford the expense that is a valid reason. No is a valuable word when used wisely and she should start learning how to use it because when used judiciously it is very empowering.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I think it is rude for the bride to plan her own bachelorette party anyway. It is a sign of trouble at the outset, IMO. She has no consideration for anyone but herself. She should have allowed input by the bridesmaids. Unless the girl is her best friend, I would decline. Just going to the wedding and buying a gift will be enough expense.

 

[AprilBaby]

My daughter just declined a wedding because of costs involved with dresses, travel and parties. Luckily the bride was very gracious about it.

 

[baby monster]

Ditto on all who mentioned the bridesmaid drama. Also ditto on bridesmaid responsible for all expenses. I've been a bridesmaid once and stopped speaking to the bride after the wedding. The demands were just out there. I've declined all other offers because I prefer to stay friends with my friends. No one was angry about it and I attended the weddings as any other guest. It's ok to decline.

 

[JewelFreak]

Loved what you said, Missy. NO is a good word not to be shy about using. I didn't attend my niece's wedding in Jamaica. Both of them were from Denver & insisted on a destination wedding because all their friends did it. A trip to a Jamaican resort with 75 people DH & I didn't know & whom we'd never see again sounded like a poor use of our limited vacation dinero. Unless all your guests can afford it, I think those weddings are awfully selfish.

--- Laurie

 

[vc10um]

Yup. What everyone else said about it being the bridesmaid's responsibility.

I've seen a lot of friendships take a nosedive when a bride's expectations on her bridal party are ridiculous.

The average cost of being a bridesmaid these days is somewhere in the $1200 range, if I remember correctly. Between the dress, the fittings, the shoes, the money for the bridal shower and bachelorette party (which is notably getting more and more extravagant as the years go by), the hotel costs surrounding the wedding...and that doesn't include full-on destination weddings at all-inclusive resorts...plus hair, makeup, and mani/pedis for the wedding day.

And that estimate goes up to about $1500-1600 when you include the cost of gifts...

That's crazy. my daughter might go broke after all her friends get married

She'll be in good company.

Just to set the record straight, since I lived in a different state than all of my bridesmaids, and my wedding was in a third state (DH's hometown), I had very few requests of them. I asked them to choose a black dress that was church appropriate (one girl even wore a dress she already owned!)...my only particular and specific request was that they wear purple shoes. I don't think any one girl spent more than $125 on her ensemble. My mother and sister (MOH) ended up surprising me with a very small and low-key shower and bachelorette party, for which I was very grateful and humbled.

But I've definitely be *in* weddings where all of the above was expected of me. It's not necessarily a fun place to be...

 

[Dancing Fire]

DF, YOU are supposed to pay for all of it.

No problem Mon i'll send you the bills...

 

[NOYFB]

First of all, I hope you meant to ask "who is supposed to pay for the bridesmaid dress?". The title threw me off a bit, to be honest. I'm sure it was just an honest typo mistake but it looks like a combo of puppy and propose, so that's why I was thrown off. LOL

To answer your question, I was a bridesmaid in a wedding a little over 2 months ago and I paid for my own dress, shoes and makeup. The bride paid for the hairstylist to do all of the bridesmaids' hair, so that was the only expense I didn't need to worry about. The bride and groom even bought us all lunch since it was all day affair. IMO, it's an honor to be asked to be in someone's wedding, and I would never expect the bride or groom to pay for anything.

 

[royalstarrynight]

I think this is very cultural.

In most American circles, the bridesmaids pay for the dress and everything regarding their attire including their bachlorette events.

However, I can see why resentment would build up after buying a sort of pricey dress you'd only wear once even though they think you can reuse it some other day. I personally would prefer to pay for my own choices. Does this mean my bridal party will be tiny? Yes! But that's ok.

When I become a bride, I would like to treat my bridesmaids as great friends who have done the great honor of standing by my side throughout a huge day! That would include all attire, food for that day, makeup hair if I desire a specific look. I sincerely don't know where the tradition of the bridesmaids paying for their one time use dress came from asides from the fact that the brides couldn't afford them. My parents paid for their bridal families attire and I expect to do the same.

However for the bachlorette party, I personally found great joy in arranging the party/events. Again, my choices= my wallet. Even if it's a choice with lots of other girls.

If your daughter isn't clear on who pays for what, I'd ask in a really polite and timely(aka as soon as possible but not awkward time) manner what the expectations are. That way if need be, she can back out before things get too out of hand.

I agree with previous posters that a bride that has arranged her own bachlorette party may indicate other things down the road...but who knows! Hopefully your daughter knows her well enough.

I like the response of you paying for it!!

 

[Dancing Fire]

First of all, I hope you meant to ask "who is supposed to pay for the bridesmaid dress?". The title threw me off a bit, to be honest. I'm sure it was just an honest typo mistake but it looks like a combo of puppy and propose, so that's why I was thrown off. LOL

 

[justginger]

In the UK the couple pays for the outfits that their wedding party wears. My husband has recently been in two weddings and one groom asked them to all wear grey suits they already owned (he asked around to see what colour everyone owned). The other the groom wanted a particular type of suit so they were picked out by him and he paid for the rental. It's the same for bridemaids' dresses here. Bride chooses, bride pays.

In Australia, it is extremely varied these days (in my experience). Many brides are sensitive to the finances of their friends and act accordingly - she either chooses affordable dresses, or contributes to the cost of more expensive ones, or pays the whole tab, or covers payments for things like jewellery, shoes, makeup, hair, etc. I know it gets super expensive sometimes, but I'd say a very small percentage of current brides choose not to absorb at least some of the expenses of her wedding party.