Confessions of a bride to be

[soontobemarried]

I dont even know how to say this, but I wanted to know if im alone or is this a common thing that happens to people about to get married. I have to talk to you guys about this because I cant discuss it with any of my family or friends as they are too busy picking outfits and excited about my wedding and they all love my fiancee. I love him deeply too, (but) lately I have started to look at all his faults and question whether he is the one for me, its almost as if im looking for something, so as to be sure whether we should really be together or not forever. The communication between us has dryed up and our love life is suffering ( i know some of this is due to stress of planning a wedding) but then theres a part of me that says this shouldn''t be happening.

Help...

 

[Shay]

Hi. I'm not engaged but I'll try to answer you. I think to a certain extent these feelings are expected, I mean cold feet wouldn't have it's own term if it didn't happen a lot right?

I would suggest getting away with your fiance. Take a weekend away with NO wedding planning and NO family and NO phones, pagers, faxes anything. Even if you just tell people you are going away and lock yourself at home together.
Spend time talking to each other, loving each other. I'm sure the stress is playing a huge part but talk to him about how you feel anyway. Maybe the time spent alone with him can remind you why you said yes in the first place. But if you can't communicate before you are married then it doesn't bode well for the future.

Remember a relationship is something that involves lots of effort and hard work.

I hope you sort things out, good luck.

 

[sumi]

Hey, there. I think this is totally and completely normal.

I''ve been married for two years, my husband and I were together close to 5 years before we got married. So, in total we''ve been together close to 7 years.

The few months leading up to our wedding was by far the most stressful and tumultuous few months of our whole relationship. We had a tiny, tiny super-simple wedding, so it wasn''t even the wedding plans that got us so stressed. For me, it was such a huge deal to get married. Even though I was 27, I wondered if I was too young. I began to analyze every little tiny thing that my husband (then-fiance) did. I kid you not, but I remember being so disturbed by the fact that he burps sometimes. I really have little patience for bad manners. My husband has excellent manners in public, but in the comfort of his own home he will burp freely. I remember thinking to myself "I don''t know if I can spend the REST OF MY LIFE with a burper!" (Yes, you may laugh). At the time, it was very, very serious.


Every little thing took on this huge significance for me. I began to think of every thing in terms of "Oh my god, this is FOREVER!" I think I was trying to psych myself out and second guess my decisions. My husband and I had lived together for about 3-4 years in perfect harmony before we got married. Suddenly, everything had an urgency to it, I was attaching so much importance to every move that poor man made.

Then, after we got married, it was like this huge burden was lifted and everything went back to normal. It was the strangest thing. We both noticd it. We both agree that we were second guessing ourselves. Both of our parents got divorce. My parents'' divorce was particularly nasty. My biggest fear was that in 20 years I would not want the same things (or person) that I do today. I realized that I can''t seecond guess myself like that. I realized that a part of marriage is (hopefully) growing and changing together so that your goals and desires are in harmony.

I hope my experience helps you in some way. I have a feeling that many couples experience this, but dare not speak of it because it''s supposed to be such a happy time.

good luck!

 

[Tybee]

Sumi,
What an excellent response. I''m sure many of us will read what you wrote and realize how similar to our own experieinces it is.
Thank you so much for sharing!
Tybee

 

[elepri]

So glad I found this thread. I''m getting married in less than three months and just a few weeks ago I started second guessing everything too. There was nothing in particular about my fiance that bothered me (although i did try really hard to come up with something), it was just a general feeling of unease. I blamed it on the wedding planning stress and dissertation stress, and job search stress. But i think deep down i knew i was just freaking out because it finally dawned on me "Oh my God, this is forever!" What really helped is taking a break from it all for a few days. We took a trip to Colorado and just had fun skiing and didn''t talk about all that wedding stuff once. We just reconnected there and I calmed down. Maybe you guys could use a break too, especially if you''re saying your communication and lovelife are suffering.

 

[Strawdermangrl]

Soontobemarried:

How funny you would post this, I too am going through the same thing....I have been constantly questioning myself and the relationship. I am head over heels in love with my finace but lately I have been zoning in on all of his faults, and it is horrible!
I am stressing my self out, I know he is wonderful and loves me completlely but I can''t help going through this all in my head. The other weird thing is that I have been having wedding nightmares and I keep running into my old flames. I don''t feel anything and that makes me feel great because I know how much I totally love my honey. I wondering if it is just old fashioned "cold feet", I feel it must be. Everyone reacts to the stress of getting married differently. The way we do deal with it doesn''t make us right or wrong, just human.
Good luck to you- things will be fine and Congrats on your upcoming wedding!

 

[rfath]

yes. Being insane is totally normal...

You wouldn''t believe the things that I sit and mutter about that currently irritate me about my fiance. He has no clue either! I sit and I wonder if I can live with THAT THING (whatever annoying habit I''ve managed to pick on for the night) for the rest of my life. Then I panic... then eventually I wonder what the heck I was thinking (as I''m worrying about the *next* annoying habit..).

It''s great. I can''t wait until I get to the really stressful parts just before the wedding. I''m ordering my straitjacket now...

 

[Strawdermangrl]

Date: 3/11/2005 3:38:49 PM
Author: rfath
yes. Being insane is totally normal...

You wouldn''t believe the things that I sit and mutter about that currently irritate me about my fiance. He has no clue either! I sit and I wonder if I can live with THAT THING (whatever annoying habit I''ve managed to pick on for the night) for the rest of my life. Then I panic... then eventually I wonder what the heck I was thinking (as I''m worrying about the *next* annoying habit..).

It''s great. I can''t wait until I get to the really stressful parts just before the wedding. I''m ordering my straitjacket now...

It is amazing what you can point out that annoys you, My fiance''s breathing the other night while he was sleeping was driving me INSANE. I kept nudging him to roll over "you aren''t breathing right"......seriously, I think that I have lost it~

 

[blue_chica]

HA! I can''t believe this thread is going. I haven''t been on PS much lately b/c of work...and partially because I''ve been doing some freaking out and just wanted to wallow privately. After the inital month-long glow of engagement wore off I have spent the rest of March picking on my poor FI in my head. Like how he stands with his tummy pooched out sometimes, or leaves his coffee cup sitting around, or leaves his boxers by the side of bed. Or, more seriously, I wonder if he''s got enough of a can-do attitude because he is a procrastinator. The other day we needed to clean out the spare bedroom in preparation for the delivery of a new bed, and he was being really whiny about doing it, and I just looked at him like...you want to BUY a house?! You''re too LAZY to own a house. And I got really angry, internally, and just told him it had to be done, so the less whining the better.

Anyway, on the other hand this is a guy who drops me off at the door before looking for parking because I hate the cold, offers massages all the time, cooks amazing dinners for me, tells me I''m beautiful so much it''s embarrassing (poor blind fool

) and is just generally the sweetest guy. So I wonder what the hell is wrong with me. Am I making a mistake?! Do I not love him anymore? I''m not even really excited about wedding planning at the moment.

I''m glad to know I''m not the only one, at least I don''t feel so crazy. We''ve been so busy lately I have been too tired to really invest time in us, and don''t feel like we''re connecting, so perhaps more effort there is all it will take to fix this situation.

 

[Strawdermangrl]

Blue Chia:

You are so right, I think the same thing- I don''t know what is wrong with me! My fiance is so wonderful and thoughtful but all his flaws are like fingernails on a chalkboard~

P.S.- ADORE your Stewie

- Love that show, and that pic is from one of my fav episodes!!!

"say whatever you want, you know I look good"

 

[NoonersMom]

So true, so true! Blue Chica, I''m right there with you! I don''t blame you one bit on that one. I think you also reach the point where you feel comfortable enough to actually voice those concerns. We''ve been going through the same thing. However, I think it''s on both sides since I''ve had nothing but engagement on the brain for the last 5 months, driving BF nuts!

BF is extremely neat to the point that he rolls his boxers (just as an example) before he stacks them neatly in the dresser. Well, I am picked up & neat for the most part, but I pile here & there. The other night he was commenting on something minute & I had enough! I just said "Look, either you love me unconditionally & accept me as I am, flaws & all, or don''t propose & I will move out by the time you return from Vegas. You decide". He was a bit stunned & was quiet for a while.

I tell you, he expects me to be as neat as his mother who is a housewife & manages the house. She gets up at 5

0am every morning to make breakfast, clean the altar (they''re Hindu), pray, clean up after breakfast, make lunch, clean up lunch, do the laundry, make dinner, serve dinner, clean up after dinner, etc. I''m sorry, but I am never going to be that person. I just can''t be bothered to the viewpoint of a perfectly clean house that looks like it''s unlived in is more important than living life! Where''s the balance?

 

[sumi]

THere''s a pretty good book out there that you might want to check out, it''s called "The Conscious Bride" . It talks about all the changes that people go through as they prepare to re-identify themselves as a married couple. It''s an easy read, and it''s pretty interesting. I think I heard about it because the author was featured on Oprah right about the time that I was about to get married.

 

[Mara]

First off I think it's great that everyone is actually thinking about this stuff because it IS serious to tie your life to another person's and it should not be entered into lightly!! I read today in US weekly how Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen are separated because he was working too hard. Not because he cheated ...but that she was upset he wasn't home enough. I'm sure there is more to the story but I had to think...wait..you don't end a marriage because someone's work schedule is tight. You address it, work it out, get counseling, whatever!

That said, I went through something similar...the irony was that I wanted to get engaged to my-now-hubby so badly for months, I was the ready one, I was the one who wanted to move fwd, and then we did move fwd and then suddenly it was like...HOLY SHIT...what have I done!! At that point my fiance was totally gung-ho and *I* was the one having secret panic attacks.

However, I think that is totally normal. It's very stressful to think about 'FOREVER' with someone, especially since there is so much involved. For me it was that I wanted to preserve the wonderful thing we did have but nothing is guaranteed, so I started 'what iffing' everything.

What helped me alot was this article I found online, I don't think I kept it but it talked about how people freak out and get cold feet about marriage because it starts to make them think about things such as 'am I worthy of this love forever'...'can I live up to someone elses expectations forever'...'can I be trusted with this kind of love forever'...and it really addressed alot of committment-phobe type feelings...it really struck home with me. It spoke about the 'responsibility' of someone loving you...you do not want to fail your loved one, you want to live up to how they believe you are...and second-guessing yourself is a way to try to shy away from that kind of responsibility that love brings with it.

I will see if I can find that article again...but anyhow, bottom line is I got through it, the freak out only lasted a month or two and then it was pretty much done. I knew I loved him, I knew that I had found something special, and I think it's soooo great when someone finds someone else they think they can spend the rest of their life with! That's very special..considering that half the time I can't even stand my friends in large doses! So to find someone you feel comfortable with and want to spend time with long term is priceless.

Okay now I am rambling, I am very tired...but anyway...don't freak out and don't make any rash decisions. I actually spoke with my fiance about the feelings I was having and part of what made me feel better was HE didn't freak out...he thought it was normal as well and felt secure in my love for him. So that really made me feel stronger as well and after I read that article, things just made more sense. It's funny how some random article can kind of speak to what you feel, but it totally spoke to me and the feeling of being 'responsible' for someone else after marriage, it's not just you anymore!

I think a big part of it as well is to realize and accept that nothing in life is guaranteed, and if you do your best and give something your all and your heart, you will either succeed or fail...but you have to try it and see. Good luck gals!

 

[soontobemarried]

I love you guys....I think you just saved my marriage!... After reading your emails, I talked to my fiancee calmly about how I was feeling, I reassured him that I love him and then made passionate love (relief).... I realise now that everything that I am going through is very normal... Ive been there with the snoring, Ive been there with the pooched stomach and Ive def been there thinking can I live up to the perfections of (in his eyes) his perfect mother... I wish someone had told me about this "fear of marriage" before it happened. With all these wedding planner guides out there, do you think they could say 12 months - 1 night before the day of your wedding you will look at your fiancee and wonder if hes really your prince or a frog!

The fear of forever is a huge one, really what else in our lives do we have to consider will be forever?...the closest thing I can think of is a tatoo and even those can be hidden and removed. The other fear is that in todays society 1/2 of all marriages end in divorce and I know none of us planning our big day wants it to be us, but statistically (horrific to think) it will be!

Someone has suggested to me a very good book called the First Years of Forever by, Ed Wheat. Ive just started reading it and it is excellent, it is really helping me to see what love and a marriage is about, as well as preparing us for moments like these, whether it happens before or as newly weds. I would highly recommend you to read this to help you reach marital bliss, after all thats much more important than the wedding day itself.

Good luck with your marriages and again sincere thank you for your replies

 

[elepri]

Another book that was recommended to me, "What Nobody Tells the Bride." Don''t remember the author but it''s written by a newly married woman addressing really the same issues, the fear of marriage, questioning your own worthiness, etc. It''s a fast and easy read and, like the other books, just normalizes all those feelings.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 3/11/2005 3:38:49 PM
Author: rfath
yes. Being insane is totally normal...

You wouldn't believe the things that I sit and mutter about that currently irritate me about my fiance. He has no clue either! I sit and I wonder if I can live with THAT THING (whatever annoying habit I've managed to pick on for the night) for the rest of my life.

This is HYSTERICAL......PRECISELY what I went through before getting married.

Unlike most women who think "oh, I can change this about him", I was COMPLETELY the other way.
My thoughts were "Ok, need to be realistic and realize that I CAN'T change him, so I need to think about 'can I live with this behavior FOREVER??????'"

I was getting married for the first time at almost 39 years old. We lived together a year prior to engagement, and engaged for 7 mos. We got engaged in November 2003 and planning our July 2004 wedding. We, too, were having a VERY simple, small wedding with literally next to no stress..

Around February, started having MAJOR doubts. SAME exact thing as Rfath.....looked at behaviors and kept going through "can I live with XXXX behavior FOREVER".

It bugs the C-R-A-P out of me when hubby leaves the empty 2-liter Diet Pepsi bottle on the counter instead of putting it in trash. During that "psycho pre-wedding mental state" (as I like to call it now), I actually sat there one day gazing at the Diet Pepsi bottle having this mental discussion with myself:

"It's just a bottle. Yes, it irritates me mildly today that I have to pick it up. But will that irritation build and grow over the next 20 years? What if it DOES? Instead of bothering me slightly like it does now, will it bother me SO much later that I'm homicidal? In year 18, will I pick that empty bottle up off the counter (for the millionth time!) and finally LOSE it and beat hubby senseless with it? CAN you really bludgeon someone to death with an empty plastic bottle?"

It didn't stop with the bottle. Socks on the bedroom floor. Clothes ON the hamper, but not in it. Dirth dishes deposited ON the counter....the same counter that's RIGHT OVER THE DISHWASHER and RIGHT NEXT TO THE SINK! I bring this guy coffee every morning, and he can't even bring the cups back downstairs! These are all little quirks that we'd talked about a few times already, and short-term attention and effort didn't seem to last. Blue Chica....SAME THING. I'm thinking "he can't even pick up his socks off the floor, and he wants to buy a house? I don't know if I'm on board with this!"

This went on from probably February through April.....a solid 8-10 weeks of DOUBT. Almost overnight, the feeling just went away. They were replaced with thoughts of "this is the man I've waited a lifetime to find. This is the man who shows me in a million tiny ways that he loves me like I've never been loved before. This is the man who will stay with me NO MATTER WHAT and work it out. I trust in him more than I've ever trusted in anyone else in my life.

The feeling of doubt was replaced a sense of absolute surety that I've never had about anything else.

We got married. We bought the house. (Blue Chica, hopefully your experience will be what mine has been....that it DOES indeed matter more to men when the house is their own. Rich will never be Donna Reid, but he does pick up now....coffee cups and all. The socks are still around, but they don't bother me as badly.)

And we've injected humor to solve the rest. I've threatened to take any bottles left on the counter and dump them in the garage.....which is HIS pet peeve......so problem solved.

You'll make it work. This will pass. Don't worry.....marry the man of your dreams without abandon. There is no greater feeling.

 

[blue_chica]

Oh, it''s nice to hear tales from the other side, Mara, Aljdewey, Sumi. A big part of me does believe these feelings will resolve, pretty much on their own. I think it''s just the reality of everything hitting home. And hey, it''s probably easier to go through this now, far away from the wedding, rather than in the lead-up. I don''t think I can handle it twice.

Strawdermangrl - Yes, I love Stewie. He''s my favorite guy after FI.

Noonersmom - When we moved in together there were some...adjustments. We fought a bit initially over boundaries, and levels of cleanliness. I am a bit of a clean freak, he is, for example, an...um...exuberant cook, shall we say, and leaves the kitchen looking like ADHD 4-yos were making cookies all day. He is an extremely considerate person, and tried to please me, but eventually I just had to believe him that he doesn''t see the mess the same way I do. It really does look fine to him, even when it''s obviously messy/dirty to me, and the fact that I hate cleaning but love a clean house left only one solution: we got a housekeeper. #1 Recipe for household harmony, I''ll tell you that! Your FMIL sounds like an amazing woman, but I think you were absolutely right to put your foot down about his expectations. That''s a full-time job, and not one you want. May I recommend the housekeeper again?

My expectations have gotten more reasonable too (I agree with you that in the end a clean house isn''t what it''s about), so it seemed like things were settled. Now I''m annoyed by all the same stuff again.

Elepri/Sumi - Thanks for the book recommendations.

Mara/aljdewey/sumi - Thank you so much for chiming in and sharing your experiences. You are all saying what I need to hear right now, as I can really relate to what you were feeling. We have gotten through a lot together in a rather short period of time, and have always come out the other side tighter than before, so I think it''s time for a talk. Maybe he''s feeling some of the same things, and will understand. That and we''ve resolved to slow down our schedules so that we''ve got at least two nights at home together a week where we can relax and enjoy each other''s company.

Soontobemarried/strawdermangrl/rfath - Let''s see if we can avoid the straightjackets...they''re simply not flattering to the hips.

 

[teebee]

Date: 3/12/2005 8

0:39 PM
Author: Blue Chica


Noonersmom - When we moved in together there were some...adjustments. We fought a bit initially over boundaries, and levels of cleanliness. I am a bit of a clean freak, he is, for example, an...um...exuberant cook, shall we say, and leaves the kitchen looking like ADHD 4-yos were making cookies all day. He is an extremely considerate person, and tried to please me, but eventually I just had to believe him that he doesn''t see the mess the same way I do. It really does look fine to him, even when it''s obviously messy/dirty to me, and the fact that I hate cleaning but love a clean house left only one solution: we got a housekeeper. #1 Recipe for household harmony, I''ll tell you that!

Blue Chica ~ this really hit home!! Reminds me so much of my FI ~ my biggest frustration lately has been walking into the kitchen after he has ''cleaned'' up after cooking & I end up spending a half hour finishing up what he left behind.... makes me want to scream!!! I seriously think that men have some sort of vision impairment that prevents them from noticing that they have not completed their cleaning task in thorough manner... Like, after FI rinses dishes and puts them in the dishwasher, he''s done and never once does it ocurr to him that he should also rinse the sink... Ewww, then I walk in later to find all of these gross bits and remnants of food stuck to the side of the sink/backsplash/counter.... I don''t mind cleaning up after myself, but I get so frustrated cleaning up after him... I''m telling you, the DAY I get out of school and reenter the work force, we get a housekeeper!! It will be my first investment towards a happy marriage!!

 

[Strawdermangrl]

I think this thread was the best thing that I have read! I took sometime to myself and then I sat down and talked to my fiance this weekend about my "pre-wedding physco syndrome" my fiance'' was extremely understanding and told me that if I wasn''t 100% sure he could wait, even though he tells me on a dailly basis that he can''t wait to marry me. I know that I love him and he shows me in everything he does (except the breathing thing at night ) that he loves me with everything he is and vice versa. Now that I have taken a deep breath and let myself realize that I am not alone in this and it isn''t just me- I have found peace and am letting myself see all the things that my anger and doubt was clouding before. I am ready to marry my honey and I am so glad that I found this thread!!!

"say whatever you want, you know I look good"
Stewie Griffin

 

[codex57]

Holy cow! How far before the wedding did you guys start to have these feelings? I thought I wouldn''t have to worry about dealing with them until like a month before the wedding.

 

[njc]

Thanks for this thread! You always hear about cold feet, but never *this* early in the game. I always thought id get it like the week of, if i did at all.

Id say about 3-4 weeks after we got engaged i had the same experience of nit-picking everything and thinking how on earth i was going to survive 50+ years (hopefully!) of that! I was really thinking it was a huge mistake to try and get married. Nevermind we''ve been dating 4 years, living together 1 year and buying a house together. It was actually the buying the house that made me calm down... I just kept thinking, you have absolutly no problems putting your name on a $400K mortgage with him, but you dont want to marry him because he occasionally leaves trash on the counter thats *right* next to the trash can.

Once i relaxed and relized how crazy i was being and let it go, ive been fine ever since... not to say it wont crop back up between now and Aug 6th! I think im going to check out those books you all have suggested. Talking to my newly married best friend she was saying there are all sorts of things she had to deal with now the wedding is over. Guess we just need to remind ourselves that were not alone!

 

[Mara]

i had my feelings about a month after the engagement...it was kind of those ''be careful what you wish for''...because i had it and all of a sudden i was FREAKING OUT. forever is a damn long time!!

but they went away...i was talking to G the other nite about this thread and how my feelings were so similar way back when and how i got through it at the time was just by reminding myself that i had wanted so badly for G to be where i was and to be ready and now that he was...i had to remember all the fabulous reasons why i wanted to marry him and how i knew he was the one for me and not let wedding superemotions cloud my judgement.

i guess my thought was..trust how you were feeling before you got engaged and all of a sudden all this stress and emotion is all you feel because it''s such a huge part of your life, so remember RATIONAL times and that may help calm you.

 

[windy1365]

My wedding is seven weeks away. About three weeks ago, I started freaking out. I was unsure about everything.

I am totally okay this week and looking forward to my wedding.

So, hang in there... it''s normal and will go away.

Ask yourself this... can you imagine your life without him??

 

[windy1365]

All men (and women - I guess) have faults and do things that get on our nerves!! My fiancee always gets the bathroom floor soaking wet after taking a shower. I was going to fuss him out one day, and then I realized... I have taken over the ideal towel rack that is right outside the shower. The poor fellow has to put his towel all the way across the room on the towel rack about the tub... so of course he gets the floor wet!

 

[rfath]

I''ve been trying to remind myself that in the scheme of things, a few kleenexes left on the floor or rat-nests of messes aren''t so bad. It''s not like my fiance refuses to clean the messes when I point them out (not that he won''t grumble about it!).. I''m beginning to realize that he just doesn''t *see* the stuff out of place when it''s driving me up the wall.

He IS better though.. I actually took pictures of our bedroom when we first started living together. I showed it to him the other day and even HE was stunned that he was such a slob

note to self: fiance stealing your pillow is NOT a reason for divorce.. it''s NOT...

 

[njc]

note to self: fiance stealing your pillow is NOT a reason for divorce.. it's NOT...

Too funny Rfath!

I feel like thats the sentance that plays in my head all the time... except insert stealing blankets, food, not refilling the water pitcher, water on the floor, etc. etc. etc.!

Also agree that the FI just doenst *see* the mess. I was trying to hold out and leave it until it annoyed him, but that NEVER happened and by that point i was beyond pissed. So now ive learned when i ask nicely right away, he cleans/picks up whatever... with a grumble.

 

[NoonersMom]

It''s always nice to hear other people going through the seem emotions or feelings. I think a lot of people would be shy about talking about it openly, even though it''s natural. Just another reminder - we''re all human! Thanks for sharing ladies!

BlueChica - Yes, i''ve actually been thinking about that. But first I think we are going to invest in a dishwater. BF is an amazing cook, but likes to dirty every dish & plate. LOL. So, when we install a dishwasher, that will help with the time management issue and free up time to work on other areas of house. Also, YES, FMIL is an amazing woman! I have nothing but the utmost respect for her. She raised four boys, had 14 people living in a three bedroom house while BF was growing up (BF''s grandfather died, BF''s father''s family moved in). They had no choice but to be organized! As a side note, we talked this week-end and things are very good. I think we finally reached a compromise!

 

[Lord Summerisle]

Date: 3/11/2005 4:32:34 PM
Author: Blue Chica
HA! I can''t believe this thread is going. I haven''t been on PS much lately b/c of work...and partially because I''ve been doing some freaking out and just wanted to wallow privately. After the inital month-long glow of engagement wore off I have spent the rest of March picking on my poor FI in my head. Like how he stands with his tummy pooched out sometimes, or leaves his coffee cup sitting around, or leaves his boxers by the side of bed. Or, more seriously, I wonder if he''s got enough of a can-do attitude because he is a procrastinator. The other day we needed to clean out the spare bedroom in preparation for the delivery of a new bed, and he was being really whiny about doing it, and I just looked at him like...you want to BUY a house?! You''re too LAZY to own a house. And I got really angry, internally, and just told him it had to be done, so the less whining the better.

Anyway, on the other hand this is a guy who drops me off at the door before looking for parking because I hate the cold, offers massages all the time, cooks amazing dinners for me, tells me I''m beautiful so much it''s embarrassing (poor blind fool

) and is just generally the sweetest guy. So I wonder what the hell is wrong with me. Am I making a mistake?! Do I not love him anymore? I''m not even really excited about wedding planning at the moment.

I''m glad to know I''m not the only one, at least I don''t feel so crazy. We''ve been so busy lately I have been too tired to really invest time in us, and don''t feel like we''re connecting, so perhaps more effort there is all it will take to fix this situation.

Caroline? is that you? we''re not even engaged yet!

Oh I''m sorry lass... reminded me of my lass... ahem

 

[bar01]

Date: 3/14/2005 10:53:40 PM
Author: windy1365
All men (and women - I guess) have faults and do things that get on our nerves

You guess??? hooo boy!

My gal burps like a drunken sailor at home, snores like one sometimes too. The inside of her car needs to be declared a superfund site by the EPA, and other stuff...

But I love and want to marry her because of the stuff that really counts … of which I could write so much...

 

[blue_chica]

NoonersMom - I hope FMIL has a HUGE sparkly to keep her smiling after all that work! I thank my lucky stars I wasn''t born a generation or two ago, cuz I just can''t work that hard.

The dishwasher will help, of course. I know exactly what you mean about dirtying every dish to cook though...ayiyiyi.

Lord Summerisle - nope, it''s not Caroline.

What exacly reminded you? The whiniess

or the accuracy of the complaints?

Bertrand - Haha, yeah, there really shouldn''t be a "I guess" qualification there. For example, my most irritating habits are probably total self-absorption at times and unbelievable hypocrisy with criticism, but I''d have to let my honey pick a few to be sure.