Any advice now that i am getting back to dating world?
- Thread starter Abby12
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ame
Super_Ideal_Rock
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She goes by Lisa, her given name is Alice, not really relevant to my question or of significant importance to anyone else.urseberry|1389167423|3588747 said:Dancing Fire|1389166385|3588745 said:Alice is divorced from her first husband...
Who is Alice? I thought Kaleigh's name is Lisa.
But I didn't know she was divorced, missed that tidbit... Hopefully you're in a better place now though. What became of that incredible wedding set?!
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Wrong!..urseberry|1389167423|3588747 said:Dancing Fire|1389166385|3588745 said:Alice is divorced from her first husband...
Who is Alice? I thought Kaleigh's name is Lisa.
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For what it's worth, as a lady, I agree with Perry. Usually you know if the chemistry is there after the first couple of kisses, and without clear ground rules and expectations, it's not unusual for one party or the other to either feel like they're being rushed into something they're not ready for, or alternately, like they're being indefinitely rejected.
In a way, it's almost like the "abstinence only" model for sex ed in high schools: the push to keep things "pure" trumps the education that's required to deal with the inevitable. Girls don't want to look trampy by carrying condoms, implying they know what they're for, and before you know it ... clinic visits all around. Not wanting to broach the icky sex talk is like the grown-up version.
I'm just sayin' ... I have a lot of smart, educated female friends who vaguely handwaved that they'd wait until it "felt right," or muttered things about how, well, since it was the third date, they had to so there wasn't time anyway (yes this made me see red) or said that they'd feel gross and weird and clinical if they asked for an STD screen. Well, now one has herpes, one has had the unpleasant experience of sleeping with dudes that, in retrospect, she was not even vaguely attracted to, and one accidentally wound up sleeping with a married guy for a while (not that a clinic visit would have necessarily fixed those last two, but the frank discussion of sex and status it implies might have).
I always had "the talk" with people with whom I was entering into a relationship around the point where I realized I wanted to bone them: it consisted of the fact that, a) I was monogomous, b) I had last been tested on X date and would be happy to do so again if they liked, and, c) if they hadn't been tested six months after getting out of their last thing, I wanted them to do it before ours progressed (and if it hadn't been six months, I'd like them to do it once now and once when six months had passed). I never had anybody recoil in horror: I did have a number of people making next-day appointments with their docs. Motivation, people!
As to how to meet people ... I've always had the best luck meeting friends-of-friends, alas, so I might not be the best source outside of that. Online dating was a disaster for me.
In a way, it's almost like the "abstinence only" model for sex ed in high schools: the push to keep things "pure" trumps the education that's required to deal with the inevitable. Girls don't want to look trampy by carrying condoms, implying they know what they're for, and before you know it ... clinic visits all around. Not wanting to broach the icky sex talk is like the grown-up version.
I'm just sayin' ... I have a lot of smart, educated female friends who vaguely handwaved that they'd wait until it "felt right," or muttered things about how, well, since it was the third date, they had to so there wasn't time anyway (yes this made me see red) or said that they'd feel gross and weird and clinical if they asked for an STD screen. Well, now one has herpes, one has had the unpleasant experience of sleeping with dudes that, in retrospect, she was not even vaguely attracted to, and one accidentally wound up sleeping with a married guy for a while (not that a clinic visit would have necessarily fixed those last two, but the frank discussion of sex and status it implies might have).
I always had "the talk" with people with whom I was entering into a relationship around the point where I realized I wanted to bone them: it consisted of the fact that, a) I was monogomous, b) I had last been tested on X date and would be happy to do so again if they liked, and, c) if they hadn't been tested six months after getting out of their last thing, I wanted them to do it before ours progressed (and if it hadn't been six months, I'd like them to do it once now and once when six months had passed). I never had anybody recoil in horror: I did have a number of people making next-day appointments with their docs. Motivation, people!
As to how to meet people ... I've always had the best luck meeting friends-of-friends, alas, so I might not be the best source outside of that. Online dating was a disaster for me.
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Some additions to my initial recommendations for you Abby-
1. Be yourself but do not divulge all too early. Get to know each other slowly and do not overshare initially but always be yourself.
2. Ask yourself do you like him and do not be so concerned if he likes you. I find that lots of women I know are always worried if the guy likes them and they don't seem to ask themselves the obvious is this guy worth getting to know.
3. Give the guy a chance. If someone asks you out even if you are not initially attracted to them give it a shot (as long as they are not weirdos or anything obvious like that ofc). You have nothing to lose.
4. Have fun with dating. Look at it as a learning process. Learning about yourself as much as learning about the person you are dating. Along the way you will see what you value in a SO and what doesn't matter so much. I am a different person now than I was in my twenties and even in my thirties but I am very glad I waited till my 30's to get married because I really knew who I was by then and what I needed and wanted in a soulmate.
I am sure I left stuff out of this post but will add to it if anything else important comes to me.
Good luck and have fun!!!
1. Be yourself but do not divulge all too early. Get to know each other slowly and do not overshare initially but always be yourself.
2. Ask yourself do you like him and do not be so concerned if he likes you. I find that lots of women I know are always worried if the guy likes them and they don't seem to ask themselves the obvious is this guy worth getting to know.
3. Give the guy a chance. If someone asks you out even if you are not initially attracted to them give it a shot (as long as they are not weirdos or anything obvious like that ofc). You have nothing to lose.
4. Have fun with dating. Look at it as a learning process. Learning about yourself as much as learning about the person you are dating. Along the way you will see what you value in a SO and what doesn't matter so much. I am a different person now than I was in my twenties and even in my thirties but I am very glad I waited till my 30's to get married because I really knew who I was by then and what I needed and wanted in a soulmate.
I am sure I left stuff out of this post but will add to it if anything else important comes to me.
Good luck and have fun!!!
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missy|1389196676|3588852 said:
Almost forgot the most important piece of advice:
Be kind to yourself and know you are worth it. Don't settle for less and be confident.
You have to like who you are to attract a man who is worthy of you if that makes sense.
Kaleigh
Super_Ideal_Rock
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ame|1389190292|3588796 said:She goes by Lisa, her given name is Alice, not really relevant to my question or of significant importance to anyone else.urseberry|1389167423|3588747 said:Dancing Fire|1389166385|3588745 said:Alice is divorced from her first husband...
Who is Alice? I thought Kaleigh's name is Lisa.
But I didn't know she was divorced, missed that tidbit... Hopefully you're in a better place now though. What became of that incredible wedding set?!
Yup, in a great place thanks!! Thinking of selling it. No use for it, but still love it.... LOL.
Sorry for the thread jack.....
ame
Super_Ideal_Rock
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Oh man, well sorry to hear about the situation but glad you're in a better place. I bet that thing will fetch some love!Kaleigh|1389201725|3588928 said:ame|1389190292|3588796 said:She goes by Lisa, her given name is Alice, not really relevant to my question or of significant importance to anyone else.urseberry|1389167423|3588747 said:Dancing Fire|1389166385|3588745 said:Alice is divorced from her first husband...
Who is Alice? I thought Kaleigh's name is Lisa.
But I didn't know she was divorced, missed that tidbit... Hopefully you're in a better place now though. What became of that incredible wedding set?!
Yup, in a great place thanks!! Thinking of selling it. No use for it, but still love it.... LOL.
Sorry for the thread jack.....
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I'm with Circe as far as safer sex.
My model has always been to have the "sexual history & testing" chat around the time my partner and I felt ready to start a physical relationship. The guys were always a little surprised, but very open. We'd each discuss our sexual history, then we'd each get tested. We'd also always discuss how to handle an unplanned pregnancy.
Barring this process, which is somewhat involved, consistent condom use is the best way to protect oneself. Although not a 100% guarantee, it's the best option next to abstinence.
BTW, keep in mind something like 15-20% of the population has genital herpes (and many aren't aware they're infected). I don't know the stats on HPV. So IMO it's worth being careful.
Bottom line - be safe and HAVE FUN!!
Anne
My model has always been to have the "sexual history & testing" chat around the time my partner and I felt ready to start a physical relationship. The guys were always a little surprised, but very open. We'd each discuss our sexual history, then we'd each get tested. We'd also always discuss how to handle an unplanned pregnancy.
Barring this process, which is somewhat involved, consistent condom use is the best way to protect oneself. Although not a 100% guarantee, it's the best option next to abstinence.
BTW, keep in mind something like 15-20% of the population has genital herpes (and many aren't aware they're infected). I don't know the stats on HPV. So IMO it's worth being careful.
Bottom line - be safe and HAVE FUN!!
Anne
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