Ladies How Long Did You Wait...

[Dignity2013]

Ladies how long did you wait until you asked your boyfriend about whether or not he wanted to become engaged?
Did you bring up the topic or him?

Did you discuss the engagement ring with him? Or did he just surprise you with it?

 

[Chewbacca]

Welcome to PS and LIW Dignity2013!

SO and I had a serious heart-to-heart about becoming engaged when we had been dating for almost six years. I brought it up on this occasion, but we'd both been bringing it up for years prior.

We discussed the engagement ring, and I wound up helping him with the purchase.

 

[madelise]

Hai! Welcome!

I didn't bring it up, he did. We were 3 months into our relationship when he told me he knew he wanted to marry me, and used the cheesy term "soul mates". We both had been in 3+ year relationships that had ended just a few months prior. It freaked me out a little but, but I just went with it. He bought me a promise ring about 3 months later, and we went from there. We wanted to marry much earlier but we both decided it was best if I finished my education before getting married and having kids. Our prior plan was to marry and have kids while I go to school part-time. Thank God we didn't go that route.

I got to choose my e-ring. After the first ring he bought me, we both knew he can't pick jewelry if his life depended on it.

 

[madelise]

What about you?

 

[Daisycakes617]

Hi Dignity2013! Let's see, I've been with my SO for almost 8 years, and I brought it up after realizing that while we talked about the future kids, houses, goals etc, everything was very abstract. After I realized that men don't understand abstract concepts and hinting, I straight up said something when I came back empty handed from Paris . Even then, I guess I wasn't direct as I should have been because that was 2 years ago and we're only JUST NOW buying a ring. The thing that I have to remember is that while we've been together 8 years (next month is the anniversary...maybe I'll get a "surprise"?) I met him when I was 21 and had only been out of college for 5 minutes (he's 7 years older and was more established when i met him). He's supported me through first job angst, second job angst, going back to school angst and so on, all while being the stable, rational one. But while he's older than me, he was dealt a kind of tough hand in his early 20s, and has been through some heavy stuff that has set him back a few years in the emotional readiness department. Sooo, with all that said, we're only now just in a place where we're actually ready to be talking marriage and actually doing something to get us there. I kinda wish we had talked about it sooner, but I wasn't ready and he definitely wasn't ready, so C'est la vie!

Now, he's making the final payment(s) on the ring. I'm not sure how or when I'll get it, but since I was involved with ring shopping, I am 100% sure that he won't allow me to know anything else until the proposal. I am SO excited and I can't wait to see what he got. I fell in love with a setting and a stone, but he's acting like he may not have chosen that, so we'll see. It would be nice if he proposed on our anniversary, which is in like 2 weeks, but I think that's too predictable for him. At this point, I don't care, I just want him to do it already!

How about you? Have you talked to your SO about the BIG M?

 

[pandabee]

Honestly, I can't recall whether I brought it up first or he did. Although I feel like I probably did once or twice, then our conversations would transition from more "in the future if..." to "when we get married," "when we have kids," and sometimes he'll even let slip something like "give your hubby a kiss goodbye" hahah. The boy is silly. Anyways. That's probably not much help, but we have definitely talked about it for at least a year and a half, if not about 2 years and we have been together for almost 3 years now. We also both just finished professional school though so we both knew it wasn't going to happen while we were still in school.

Daisycakes326 I am in the same boat as you...since I had 100% control over choosing the ring, he is letting me know absolutely 0% of the proposal plan...not even a general timeline. So I am (in)patiently waiting with you!

 

[ckrickett]

I just recently got engaged, but the whole "talking about it" wasn't an ordeal. But it was something we discussed at length.

I'll set you up.

My DF and I have been friends for about 13 years. He is 2 years younger then me.and was the younger brother of a classmate and friend of mine in HS. We were interested in each other but age, and some pesky, obnoxious friends of ours quickly squashed that.So we just hung out and were good friends for most of the time. We had a rough patch, when he fell in love with a girl, and I was just out of a serious relationship so we stopped talking for a year. We re-acquainted with each other when I was in a new relationship (when I first came to pricescope, and I first was on the list this was the man I thought I would marry) and just hung out and worked on rebuilding our friendship. When I got out of that relationship (I had to move out) I immediately moved in with him. not for any romantic reason, but as friends.We had other roommates too, there were about 4 of us. Lets just say 3 weeks later we decided to try for an actual relationship. So for our entire relationship we have been living together, have been friends for over a decade.Now we run a business together as well. It's been 4 years now.

Also his mother has been divorced 2 times, we live with her kind of (they have a HUGE piece of property, with 3 houses, we live in one, she lives in the other. I do see her everyday) and he is VERY close to her, and was VERY biased about marriage because of her divorces, and the large amount of money they lost (he viewed them as a financial transaction, or a gamble).

SOOOOOO.......

We never wanted to NOT be with each other. We talked about kids, invested a lot of money in making the house here more comfortable for a family and business. Now I have ALWAYS wanted to get married. He never cared.And that would have been fine for me (because I wanted to be with him) BUT there are some things that come with marriage that we needed. So when we talked about if we would get married, and when it was like a weird business negotiation in a lot of ways. We loved each other. Neither of us wanted to be with anyone else, our lives together were already that of a married couple. After we decided heck yes! Everything else came into play. we talked for about 6 months about either a Domestic Partnership, marriage, or nothing. After we decided that, it was quick that his mother offered the ring, and 2 months after I had the ring he popped the question, so maybe about 8 months in total of really and talking waiting. And this was after being in a relationship for over 3 years.

In the end, we are both happy. There are no questions about if we are rushing, or if it is the right thing for us. We won;tbe making any plans for a year (I want to enjoy being engaged, and we are VERY busy this year with the business and if I am TTC I don't want to be pregnant at my wedding). So, yeah!

 

[LoveLikeCrazy]

I never bought it up...he did 4 months in after i moved in and he brought me on an impromtu trip ring shopping. I'm sure you can imagine the excitement i was feeling in the moment...well it's almos 2 years after that ring shopping trip and i'm still waiting . The general timeline is 2013 so he doesn't have much time left to get on it .

I bring it up more often than he likes. I blame him because u dont bring a girl RING SHOPPING 2 years before you are ready to buy . We have a 6 year age difference (im late 20's he is mid 30's) and he had been in a few long term relationships but had never LIVED with a gf, so i think he got a little ahead of himself with the ring "shopping" so early on haha.

 

[ckrickett]

I never bought it up...he did 4 months in after i moved in and he brought me on an impromtu trip ring shopping. I'm sure you can imagine the excitement i was feeling in the moment...well it's almos 2 years after that ring shopping trip and i'm still waiting . The general timeline is 2013 so he doesn't have much time left to get on it .

I bring it up more often than he likes. I blame him because u dont bring a girl RING SHOPPING 2 years before you are ready to buy . We have a 6 year age difference (im late 20's he is mid 30's) and he had been in a few long term relationships but had never LIVED with a gf, so i think he got a little ahead of himself with the ring "shopping" so early on haha.

UGH the same thing kinda happened with my ex! I wasn't even thinking about it, but he wanted me to quit something I was addicted too.(a Very Popular Video game) and he said "When you stop I will propose", so I stopped and he started getting annoyed when I would bring it up, or show him pictures of rings I liked. (I started bringing it up after waiting 1 year and getting nothing, not even a "what ring size are you?", he later said "well I said after you quit, that could be now or 10 years from now" )

I think with men they are more patient, they can wait longer because it's inevitable. But for us as soon as we hear the words we are like hungry sharks going in for the delicious fishies.

bad analogy!

Anyway good luck this year, and lots of dust!

 

[Olympias]

He brought it up 3 months after we started dating. It was during our first international travel together, in Tanzania. And that's actually where we set up a date for the civil ceremony, where we decided the format (elopment) and where we decided the venue (Masai Mara, Kenya).

I got my promise ring 3 months later and will hopefully get my e-ring soon now that we agreed !

 

[Ms_A]

My SO and I have only been talking about marriage seriously after he moved in with me last year. I picked out the ring I would like, but part of me feels like I am not getting the full engagement experience if I do not let him pick the ring. We have been together for about 3 years.

 

[Julysnight]

I waited for a little over our 1 year mark of dating. When we initially started dating we both agreed we were both on the same page as far as dating was concerned. We were dating with the purpose of finding our future spouse. We both have been inseperable since our first date. The progression of our relationship has been natural. By our year mark we have already met each others parents, immidiate family and close friends even bosses and co-workers. I brought up the subject of a proposal in June and to be honest, it did not go as I expected. He seemed to of gotten a small case of cold feet. I was surprised because if I were to tell you all the things this man does to show me how much he loves me and cares about me and my children, it would surprise you as well. He is amazing.

The day we discussed proposal and marriage he made me feel as if I was pressuring him. I felt a little hurt by that because i never wanted him to feel that way. up until that point we always talked about a future together, living together, getting married one day, having children. i felt a bit bamboozled by all these talks and plans we had. I told him that I was not going to wait indefinitely and that by now he should know if he could see me as his wife and if he doesn't feel it or has major doubts then perhaps he needed some time alone to figure out what he wants. I never want to have to give a man an ultimatum or threaten to leave for him to propose. I just wanted him to have some time to reflect so we could both revisit the topic with a clear head. Long story short, it only took him one night to think. The next day he was telling me that he never wants to be without me, that I'm the love of his life, and he wants to make it official. He also asked me for a time frame of when I expected a proposal. I didn't want to give him one, but he insisted. I told him by the end of the year. That was back in June and now here we are, mid October and no ring. We just came back from an amazing trip to Europe (perfect proposal locations) and no ring, my birthday just passed I got spoiled rotten but still no ring. He doesn't ask me what type of rings I like, has not taken me ring shopping, and has no idea what ring size I am I'm getting a little worried he is dragging his feet and using trips and gifts as distractions.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I waited for a little over our 1 year mark of dating. When we initially started dating we both agreed we were both on the same page as far as dating was concerned. We were dating with the purpose of finding our future spouse. We both have been inseperable since our first date. The progression of our relationship has been natural. By our year mark we have already met each others parents, immidiate family and close friends even bosses and co-workers. I brought up the subject of a proposal in June and to be honest, it did not go as I expected. He seemed to of gotten a small case of cold feet. I was surprised because if I were to tell you all the things this man does to show me how much he loves me and cares about me and my children, it would surprise you as well. He is amazing.

The day we discussed proposal and marriage he made me feel as if I was pressuring him. I felt a little hurt by that because i never wanted him to feel that way. up until that point we always talked about a future together, living together, getting married one day, having children. i felt a bit bamboozled by all these talks and plans we had. I told him that I was not going to wait indefinitely and that by now he should know if he could see me as his wife and if he doesn't feel it or has major doubts then perhaps he needed some time alone to figure out what he wants. I never want to have to give a man an ultimatum or threaten to leave for him to propose. I just wanted him to have some time to reflect so we could both revisit the topic with a clear head. Long story short, it only took him one night to think. The next day he was telling me that he never wants to be without me, that I'm the love of his life, and he wants to make it official. He also asked me for a time frame of when I expected a proposal. I didn't want to give him one, but he insisted. I told him by the end of the year. That was back in June and now here we are, mid October and no ring. We just came back from an amazing trip to Europe (perfect proposal locations) and no ring, my birthday just passed I got spoiled rotten but still no ring. He doesn't ask me what type of rings I like, has not taken me ring shopping, and has no idea what ring size I am I'm getting a little worried he is dragging his feet and using trips and gifts as distractions.

Kind of ditto.

I'm dating an amazing guy who I'm madly in love with. We live together and he loves my son like he's his own. But there seems to be this aversion to talking about the future in anything but hypotheticals. I'll start a conversation and he'll either change subjects or laugh at me and tell me I'm shooting myself in the foot and I've reset the clock (WTF?!?!?! ) I've never encountered this before. My ex was the type to propose on the second date, so this whole "if/when" line of discussion totally throws me off balance. I think I have LIW now (at 33) more than I did when I was 26! I'm just not good with this stuff. Like dude, if you love me and see a future with me, then let's do this already. I'm almost 34, you're almost 38. You're a little old for commitment phobia.

 

[Julysnight]

My boyfriend and I don't live together so I don't know how this helps or hurts someone's commitment phobia. Living together is a pretty huge commitment, I would think it would help the transition.It seems like a natural progression to get married once you have successfully shared a home with the person you love. I totally understand your frustration. I made it clear I would never live with him without being married to him, but not because I'm against the idea of it, only because we live so far away from each other. I don't want to relocate my children to a new home unless we are married.

I am thankful this site allows me to see that I'm not the only one waiting I would be so sad if I was the only one. Thank you for sharing! I hope proposals are in our near future!

 

[Mickeylover]

An hour after my SO asked me to be his girl friend he told me "but i dont want to get married soon", and by that time I didnt either so it was ok, about 6 months later he started to tell me that he couldnt imagine his life without me and that maybe I could get a new accesorie in my left hand (that was a year and a half ago) no ring. After that his mood has been on and off, and I know its my fault, I stop talking about getting engaged (and its hard as hell) and then he starts saying little things of our future ans I get all exited and galk talk talk, then he freaks out and tells me he's not ready, I get sad and decide to not talk about it again, some months pass and this last time (this cycle has gone on like 4 times) but this last time he told me he's almost ready, and I asked if it was for real o if he was just telling me what he thought I wanted to hear, he told me that I need to stop talking about it too much because that only makes him take more time. I have not said a thing and excersise my willpower so I dont give him reasons to take steps back again!! But a while ago when he told me he wasnt ready I asked him "I understand and thats why I am your girlfriend so i can help you get ready in whichever way I can, but are you 100% sure that its ME you want to marry?" He said yes ... So he says hes not ready for the responsibilty of being the head of a family but he's getting there, and he is sure that I am the one... So all I have to do is wait