Giving money?

[ammayernyc]

Hi all.

Hope you ladies had a good weekend!

Yesterday I was speaking with my friend who got married about three weeks ago and we got to talking about what sort of gifts she was given for her wedding. She said she got stuff off her registry, one person gave them something they hate and can''t return, one person promised to take them out to dinner (ugh...) but most people gave them money. She said about 80% of the people there gave them checks...

I thought you were only supposed to give checks to family?

What are people''s thoughts on this?

 

[njc]

Im sure people in general have their own rules, but one thing i have noticed is giving money vs. a gift is a regional thing. Ive discussed this several times with different people and we all come up with the same answer... it depends on where you live!

My FI is from NJ and he ALWAYS gets money no matter the occasion (xmas, bday, graduation, etc). I am from VA and have always received actual gifts. The only exception is my grandfather, who is 83 and not a fan of shopping and i received *some* cash from HS and college graduations, but mostly gifts. When friends get married, if they are my friend they get a present, if they are FI's friend, they get cash.

A girl i work with got married in the fall. She is from NY and all the guest from her family gave cash. Her hubbys family guests (mostly from VA) all gave presents.

 

[fountainfairfax]

In the last ten years of attending weddings I only have a few friends who received anything other than cash as their wedding gifts and those were from out-of-state guests...here on Long Island there is that tacky statement that it is traditional to "pay for your place" at the wedding reception so guests start calling around to try and get an idea what each venue is charging the bride and groom per attendee and they base their gifts on that!!!! The bridal showers I have attended recently have been HUGE- some have close to 100 guests and the registeries get depleted just from the shower or showers alone....in my opinion it really is out of control- a friend of my mom is in her 40''s, her children are grown and she just had a rather large wedding for her 2nd marriage (180 guests) and she told my mom later that she "made" enough from her gifts to cover her $36,000 dollar European honeymoon!!! If I get a blender that has the food processor attachment I''ll be happy!

 

[elepri]

It must be regional, here in NYC giving money is pretty standard. My fiance is from PA (not even that far) and to him giving cash gifts for weddings is unthinkable, particularly if it''s not from immediate family. So we usually buy gifts when going to friends'' weddings. As for the idea that you have to "cover your plate," I just find it obnoxious. I''m certainly not expecting my guests to do it considering the exorbitant New York prices.

 

[flopkins]

I think it might be a cultural thing too, in the Chinese tradition, it''s always the fat red envelopes w/crisp cash for weddings... in fact, registries are considered strange... but I think I will end up doing a registry anyway... it must be so much fun to go shopping for free!

 

[ammayernyc]

I live in NYC, but I''ve always thought that you give money to family, not friends.
Personally, when/if I get married I would prefer money since my bf and I have literally everything we need. Also, we''ll be paying for the wedding ourselves.

 

[bar01]

That’s funny; to me I give gifts to close friends and family because it is more personal. It says I know you and what you like. Money I give to people I am less close too or don't know that well.

In the case of weddings of close family or friends I actually give a very personal gift - and then add some money in the envelope on the outside of the box - as a practical issue. For people I am not close to - it is just money.

I also think it depends on the people, type of wedding, and who's paying for it. For couples who are footing the cost (all or part) of their wedding - I give a generous amount of cash.

 

[onedrop]

I guess it IS a regional thing to give cash as a wedding gift. In my experience, most people register, at a bunch of different places (Macy''s/Michael Rounds for china and Crate & BArrel, etc., for everyday stuff) and tend to get most of the things from the registry. I live in the Washington DC Metro area, by the way. I guess this is supposed to make it easier on the guests.

I usually get something from the registry. These are things I assume the couple wants and will probably use. What I don''t like is the couple that wants cash only, and they highlight that by placing a note with the invitation. I was always told this was in poor taste.

Am I right?

 

[flopkins]

onedrop- i believe any reference to the registry or gifts in general is considered bad taste in the wedding invitation, however, it''s fine for the shower invites... (since the couple/family doesn''t traditionally host the shower)

 

[MelissaSue]

i always give money/checks for wedding gifts. Only once have I not and in that situation i felt that the couple honestly did NOT need the extra cash.. so I got a gift card. I NEVER EVER EVER bring a wrapped gift to a wedding, only a shower.

 

[onedrop]

Flopkins: Thanks for the clarification. I always thought that was the case, but figured I could be wrong because I have received the "we want cash only" note in the envelope with the invitation. I can remember giving cash only once (when it was requested in the invitation). Like I said, ost folks around here register and seem to expect gifts from the registry. That is apparently a really big deal.

 

[rms]

Date: 3/7/2005 4:35:30 PM
Author: onedrop
I guess it IS a regional thing to give cash as a wedding gift. In my experience, most people register, at a bunch of different places (Macy''s/Michael Rounds for china and Crate & BArrel, etc., for everyday stuff) and tend to get most of the things from the registry. I live in the Washington DC Metro area, by the way. I guess this is supposed to make it easier on the guests.

I usually get something from the registry. These are things I assume the couple wants and will probably use. What I don''t like is the couple that wants cash only, and they highlight that by placing a note with the invitation. I was always told this was in poor taste.

Am I right?

I recently heard of a couple who included a note with their invites that they were registered at Chase Manhattan Bank...clever. Whether in poor taste or not, I thought it was hysterical!!

We received quite a bit of cash and checks for our wedding. We also had a gift registry which we got gifts from and we had a donation registry where people could donate to charities that we chose in memory/honor of some of our family members. So it was a mixed bag. The way I see it, anything goes these days. I think that no matter what, that your guests always have the best intentions when giving you a gift of any sort.

 

[luckyhonu]

I heard that a friend of a friend went to a wedding where they had one of those credit card charger machines on the table next to the money/card box!!!!

 

[onedrop]

RMS: You are right anything goes these days. And it''s not a bad thing. And it sounds like you got a nice mix of gifts. I guess I just felt held hostage by being *instructed* about what to give the couple. I do think the Chase Manhattan Bank thing IS hilarious too!!

 

[rms]

luckyhonu and onedrop....LoL, and if registering at a bank wasn''t funny enough as far as anything being possible...the credit card charge machine goes way beyond believable...imagine the guests standing in line to use it...

 

[fountainfairfax]

this is slightly off topic but I do know someone who was very distraught at the thought of his best friend marrying a woman who was less than honest, continually trying to get back with her ex and often introduced him during their engagement as "her future ex-husband" so he gave them $150 worth of scratch-off lottery tickets as a wedding gift and wrote on the card "since you''re willing to take such a big gamble, so will I!" Which really isn''t bad because she was telling people that for her shower gifts she got self-help books and thought it was a hoot!

btw the marriage lasted less than a year!