Rich deadbeat dad!

[justginger]

Oh my goodness, am I angry. My MIL told me last night about the debacle my poor SIL is going through.

SIL has three children with her ex-husband. He left her. He didn't actually leave until the third child was born, but he had been absent in many ways prior to that point. In fact, he tried walking out of the delivery suite during the birth of the third, but got hauled back in by a nurse. Anyway, he moved out immediately post-birth, and straight into a house with his girlfriend, who apparently had been on the side for some time.

The split happened a few years ago. SIL has moved on. She has reunited with a high school boyfriend and they are very happy - he has slipped straight into the role of stepfather without complaint, and they now have a child together as well (an oopsie baby, but well loved just the same).

From the birth of her very first child, SIL has been a SAHM. She left her career to raise the children, as she and her ex-husband had built a successful company that he and another partner ran. When their marriage dissolved, SIL gave up her share of the company in exchange for keeping primary custody of the children. She was happy to forfeit what turned out to be a substantial amount of money in exchange for a) almost full custody of the three children, and b) a voluntarily increased amount of weekly child support. So ex-husband didn't have to sell the business to pay her out, she got the kids for a majority of the time, and they evened the finances a bit by him voluntarily signing up for slightly increased weekly payments.

So...ex-BIL sold the business to his other partner recently. Took the money, of which SIL got nothing (as agreed), and bought another business in his girlfriend's name. Now he is technically UNEMPLOYED, which means that amongst the very fine print of their agreed contract, he no longer has to pay her any child support at all. NONE. So she lost out on her 1/3rd of a multi-million dollar company with the knowledge that she would be receiving adequate and regular support payments, only for him to sell the business, claim unemployment, and stop paying her anything!

The man is RICH. He lives in a million dollar house, has 2 $60,000+ cars, a new profitable business under his partner's name, the works. And now he's managed to get out of paying for the care of his own bloody children! It makes me absolutely livid. None of this was done by chance; it was all carefully orchestrated.

Money was tight for my SIL before this - four children in one household with only one person working is tough. Especially when, up until only about 9 months ago, NEITHER were able to work (her new partner had immigration work restrictions). We've helped them out a bit this year, but it is clear that DH and I will need to step up a bit more now that Richie Rich Deadbeat Dad has executed his grand plan.

Far out - how do some people sleep at night?!

Sorry for the whinge. I am sure you all know of people like this man, who seem to think that they can live life as a child forever, and are completely oblivious to the people around them.

 

[Venti25]

This. Is. BS! I'm assuming that because of the previous contract family court can no longer get involved? I'm no lawyer but if he is "running" a business in his girlfriends name then I would challenge the status of his unemployment and or income. Maybe not now but perhaps in the future as it sounds sketchy and sounds almost like a parallel for tax avoidance.

He sounds like the biggest p.o.s ever. I loathe parents who walk out on children, however I think this time the children are better off without him being around much. What goes around comes around and I hope it does.

Ps. contacted you on your listing.

 

[Boatluvr]

Truly, some men do not deserve to be called even a 'sperm donor'. Any male who would give up parental rights to his children in exchange for monetary benefits is a true slime ball. Too bad your SIL could not see the writing on the wall. He took the next 'logical step' to rid himself of any financial obligation - hiding all of his money in his 'new partner's name' etc. Perhaps you should help your SIL with some sort of forensic accountant - they specialize in 'finding the money'. He's not that smart if he put everything in her name. Where's his parachute? He's got to have one - somewhere.

I'm sorry you and your SIL are going through this - believe me, been there, done that. I raised three sons by myself from the time the youngest was two. Your SIL is probably going to have to make plans to go back to work at some point. You don't mention how old the children are. I was very honest with my sons. When I did not have enough money for 'extras' - movies, toys, etc. I told them the truth - that their dad had not paid the child support. I did not bad mouth or blame - I simply stated a fact. I always managed the necessities, but for many years it took me working two jobs.

Good luck.

 

[JewelFreak]

Horrible how often that happens. I have 2 friends who got shafted similarly by very financially comfortable exes. I'd be laying rubber to a lawyer's office. Then another lawyer's office, and another until I was SURE there's no way to nail this slob down. Very sad for her!

--- Laurie

 

[yennyfire]

We knew a couple of families like this when I was growing up. I don't understand how you can not have paternal feelings towards children that YOU created. Are you that selfish that their well being means nothing to you???? Sorry, I'll stop before I go on a real rant...

The law needs to catch up to take into account situations like this. I'm so sorry that your SIL (and as a result, you and DH) are having to deal with this.....

 

[ruby59]

My ex-husband inherited a house and a sizeable amount of money from his parents. He already had some income and property. Now he doesn't have to work, and he put everything into his brother's name and got his child support reduced to the state minimum.

His action may constitute a �fraudulent transfer.� Check with the state CSE agency to see if it would be considered as such under state law and if the property transfer can be voided. In addition, courts can establish a support order based on imputed income -- the amount that someone would be able to pay if he or she had not voluntarily lowered his income or transferred his or her assets. Your CSE agency can provide information about a possible review of the order if the amount was reduced because of his actions.


http://publications.usa.gov/epublications/childenf/enforce.htm


I found the above in a FCIC handbook regarding child support payments. A good lawyer can tell her if this is considered a fraudulent transfer.

 

[justginger]

My ex-husband inherited a house and a sizeable amount of money from his parents. He already had some income and property. Now he doesn't have to work, and he put everything into his brother's name and got his child support reduced to the state minimum.

His action may constitute a �fraudulent transfer.� Check with the state CSE agency to see if it would be considered as such under state law and if the property transfer can be voided. In addition, courts can establish a support order based on imputed income -- the amount that someone would be able to pay if he or she had not voluntarily lowered his income or transferred his or her assets. Your CSE agency can provide information about a possible review of the order if the amount was reduced because of his actions.


http://publications.usa.gov/epublications/childenf/enforce.htm


I found the above in a FCIC handbook regarding child support payments. A good lawyer can tell her if this is considered a fraudulent transfer.

Thank you for the advice - I will have to see if there are equivalent rules here in Australia. I have been previously pretty unaware of the exact legalities of the agreement SIL forged with the ex, as it had been working. He had been paying and while cash was tight, the household was functioning. She still doesn't want to get aggressive in her approach to him because she knows he'll file for 50/50 custody to "get back" at her, despite the fact he clearly doesn't want to care for the children, and in all reality, probably has no idea how to do so. They're still rather young, between 3-8, so it's not like they can fend for themselves at his house for a whole week at a time.

 

[arkieb1]

My ex-husband inherited a house and a sizeable amount of money from his parents. He already had some income and property. Now he doesn't have to work, and he put everything into his brother's name and got his child support reduced to the state minimum.

His action may constitute a �fraudulent transfer.� Check with the state CSE agency to see if it would be considered as such under state law and if the property transfer can be voided. In addition, courts can establish a support order based on imputed income -- the amount that someone would be able to pay if he or she had not voluntarily lowered his income or transferred his or her assets. Your CSE agency can provide information about a possible review of the order if the amount was reduced because of his actions.


http://publications.usa.gov/epublications/childenf/enforce.htm


I found the above in a FCIC handbook regarding child support payments. A good lawyer can tell her if this is considered a fraudulent transfer.

Thank you for the advice - I will have to see if there are equivalent rules here in Australia. I have been previously pretty unaware of the exact legalities of the agreement SIL forged with the ex, as it had been working. He had been paying and while cash was tight, the household was functioning. She still doesn't want to get aggressive in her approach to him because she knows he'll file for 50/50 custody to "get back" at her, despite the fact he clearly doesn't want to care for the children, and in all reality, probably has no idea how to do so. They're still rather young, between 3-8, so it's not like they can fend for themselves at his house for a whole week at a time.

Maybe that is exactly what she should do have the whole thing overturned in court and actually allow him to have half custody of the kids (even if it is in spite). I will make a bet with you the douchebag has no interest in actually looking after the kids and the girlfriend probably even less so. People fear in these situations that they will lose custody of the kids and that allowing the other person part custody would be a bad thing. The reality is self centred men and their new girl friends more often than not don't want to care for the kids (kids impact on a fast lifestyle, destroy nice new houses etc....) so if he wins and actually has to look after them I think you will probably find he would be handing them back or only seeking part custody (like weekends or something) anyway. Or he will do it for a month or so find out how much hard work it actually is and be dumping them back on her.

Getting the kids out of spite is great in theory but in practise prize A butt holes usually don't like caring for them etc. He and his girlfriend planned to defraud his ex and his kids for that matter out of what should have been legally partially theirs and then carefully planned how to get out of paying them a cent. If you can prove this via a paper trail of evidence in court then you should have grounds to appeal. And honestly, tell her not to be afraid to lose the kids, stand her ground and call his bluff and tell him he can have half or part custody she wants the money!!!!! Think about it, if he is that calculating - he won't "really" want to look after them, he is just using that as a threat to manipulate her into getting what he wants.

 

[Polished]

She still doesn't want to get aggressive in her approach to him because she knows he'll file for 50/50 custody to "get back" at her, despite the fact he clearly doesn't want to care for the children, and in all reality, probably has no idea how to do so. They're still rather young, between 3-8, so it's not like they can fend for themselves at his house for a whole week at a time.

He might do this but it doesn't sound like he would want them around. Three young children might also cause friction and seriously cramp his style with the new partner. She sounds like a piece of work for facilitating a situation where he doesn't need to meet his important responsibilities in regard to his children. I doubt she would want a role in looking after them. All this could be pointed out in regards to custody. Your SIL might well have a lot more power with the children than what might first appear. Paying for a child minder would cost him, when push comes to shove, he'd much prefer her to do it. A lump sum in a case like this, where there is money seems simpler than the hassle of ongoing support.

 

[Enerchi]

I have nothing constructive to add, JustGinger, but what a horrible situation for your SIL to now find herself in, because of a douche like her ex!! I know it does happen... but its just so selfish and egotistical, when you hear about it.

I admire your efforts to assist her and hope that with the wonderful advice of the strong women already posting above, she can move forward and KICK THIS GUY'S A**!!!!!

Give her a super huge (((HUG))) from Canada - and hang in there, too, JG!!

 

[chel180]

What a c***. Some people just don't deserve kids. I hope you sil can get something suitable sorted soon. X

 

[tammy77]

If he files for 50/50 AFTER the financial case is filed and he hasn't been active in their lives, the courts will see right through him. It's unlikely that they would upset the family balance to save him money. The judicial system (at least here) takes serious offense to fathers that dodge their responsibility to support their children. I hope he gets what he deserves!

 

[JaneSmith]

This guy is a giant burning arsehole. I have nothing further to add that doesn't contain multiple expletives. Grr!

 

[Rosebloom]

How awful!!! I really hope your SIL can find a solution.

 

[Nyc2chigal]

I'm very sorry to hear that your SIL is going thru this
Unfortunately, there are more of these scumbags creeping around...

I know one that did pretty much the same to his 1st wife (with 2 kids), impregnated another woman, tried to get out of paying child support for all 3 kids, and then was surprised that he had to go to jail for a while as a result.
Oh and sprinkle in a few more pregancies with other women that were eventually terminated.. .

Guys like this do not feel remorse for what they do. They feel it is everyone else's fault.


I truly hope it works out for your SIL and everyone else that had to suffer b/c of this &%#^# <----(insert whatever profanity you like in there).

 

[SB621]

I have nothing constructive to add, JustGinger, but what a horrible situation for your SIL to now find herself in, because of a douche like her ex!! I know it does happen... but its just so selfish and egotistical, when you hear about it.

I admire your efforts to assist her and hope that with the wonderful advice of the strong women already posting above, she can move forward and KICK THIS GUY'S A**!!!!!

Give her a super huge (((HUG))) from Canada - and hang in there, too, JG!!

This exactly! I have nothing more to add without getting extremely pissed off.

 

[partgypsy]

http://www.humanservices.gov.au/corporate/publications-and-resources/child-support-guide/part-2/2-6-14#additionalincomepropertyfinancial

It sounds like there are other ways they can assess child support other than by earnings. The ex is counting on the fact that she will not want to hire a lawyer because she is financially stressed but it is critical she does so. Your SIL is going to have to break a few eggs (hire a lawyer) to have the child support re assessed. It sounds like either the registrar will re-assess, or if the registrar thinks it is too complex it can go to court, but in either way it sounds pretty clear from your account he is hiding assets/resources and it will be in her favor that he needs to pay child support. Doesn't matter if the company is in her name, if he is taking any kind of income from that company it is a resource. Nothing is set in stone. She has to throw out the old contract and sue for child support. Basically since this assessment is going to be re-evaluated heck she might even be eligible for more support.
She should not operate out of fear and deny her children the financial support they deserve.

 

[NTave]

I have a similar issue with my ex husband..although he doesn't make tons of money now he still does very well, he did really well when we were together, we owned a business together. He got the business in the divorce. The bottom line it is extremely hard to nail down self employed monies..and US courts do not want to impute more than what they think a non custodial parent can handle, and they really don't care, they are just too over run by domestic cases and it becomes a best lawyer show, which it sounds like he may have the advantage...in my ex husbands case imputed income was nearly 1/4 of his take home, a miniscule amount..and he still didn't pay for 4 years. I also stayed away from courts because I was afraid he would revisit our custody even though our agreement was permanent and agreed upon out of court, in our case I know the kids are better off with me, whether I get child support or not. Plus its expensive to go to court..its thousands of dollars each visit in court fees and lawyer..I spent more money trying to rid myself of a man than I did for our wedding..and our wedding was not cheap. No one wins.
Does Australia have a government collection agency? The states do, and it limits the control you have over going back to court for child support, but they attempt collection and they have more means to do so such as liens, loss of drivers license, arrests etc. My ex has been arrested once, lost his drivers license another time..he owes well over 20k but recently started paying. I actually found it easier when he was not paying, as now he harasses me weekly about anything he can, changing visitations, refusing to take our son to football practice, etc, when I basically didn't hear anything for 4 years prior. The entire process is exhausting beyond words. I do not plan on taking him back to court to revisit child support, its a headache and a heartache, and there isn't much you can do if he is self employed or in this case, not employed.
I feel for her.

 

[Gypsy]

And this is why you don't voluntarily give up your shares in a multimillion dollar company in exchange for child support to someone who has demonstrated they have no filial sense of responsibility.

 

[justginger]

I have a similar issue with my ex husband..although he doesn't make tons of money now he still does very well, he did really well when we were together, we owned a business together. He got the business in the divorce. The bottom line it is extremely hard to nail down self employed monies..and US courts do not want to impute more than what they think a non custodial parent can handle, and they really don't care, they are just too over run by domestic cases and it becomes a best lawyer show, which it sounds like he may have the advantage...in my ex husbands case imputed income was nearly 1/4 of his take home, a miniscule amount..and he still didn't pay for 4 years. I also stayed away from courts because I was afraid he would revisit our custody even though our agreement was permanent and agreed upon out of court, in our case I know the kids are better off with me, whether I get child support or not. Plus its expensive to go to court..its thousands of dollars each visit in court fees and lawyer..I spent more money trying to rid myself of a man than I did for our wedding..and our wedding was not cheap. No one wins.
Does Australia have a government collection agency? The states do, and it limits the control you have over going back to court for child support, but they attempt collection and they have more means to do so such as liens, loss of drivers license, arrests etc. My ex has been arrested once, lost his drivers license another time..he owes well over 20k but recently started paying. I actually found it easier when he was not paying, as now he harasses me weekly about anything he can, changing visitations, refusing to take our son to football practice, etc, when I basically didn't hear anything for 4 years prior. The entire process is exhausting beyond words. I do not plan on taking him back to court to revisit child support, its a headache and a heartache, and there isn't much you can do if he is self employed or in this case, not employed.
I feel for her.

This is exactly the wavelength of thought SIL is operating on. Lawyer in Australia? Try $300/hour. Pursuing anything in court will be a small fortune and comes with no guarantees. Knowing him, he DID consult a lawyer for the sale and did whatever he could to stitch that money up for himself. He would have had some bull story about his crazy ex bleeding him dry - they always do.

And, like you said, she simply doesn't want the hassle of him anymore. When they first split, he moved out of their home, in with the girlfriend. BUT he kept his keys and just kept coming back. Like, she and the kids would be in the middle of dinner and he'd stroll in, fix a plate, and sit down to eat with them. He said it was "for the kids," when in reality it was a power play to show her that he could still do whatever he pleased.

She just wants away from him. I think she may use this opportunity to tell him that if he's not supporting the children, she'll petition the court to allow her to leave the state with them. She lives on the opposite side of the country to the rest of us and would LOVE to come home. Unfortunately, they had settled to where he was from, he has no intentions of ever leaving, and has told her to forget coming back here for the next 15 years - until the youngest (that he didn't want!) is 18. Perhaps she'll have a fighting chance to be allowed to move, in the case she has 90% custody and isn't receiving financial support. Over here at least she would have family support, both financial and childcare.

 

[madelise]

Hm. My dad isn't multimillions rich, but he is rich. He ran away to a 3rd world country to avoid paying child support. I have issues with men.

 

[distracts]

Wow I really hope she has a good lawyer and investigator who can make him pay up. Not supporting your children is indefensible.

 

[smitcompton]

Hi,

Women have to learn that they must protect their rights. Why would you give up financial rights for full custody of the children?
Don;t you think Dads ought to have contact with their children?. If you ask me, in this case, its the the woman who doesn't want contact with him. I think she did her children a dis-service. Her job is to protect them, and that includes financially. She traded higher child support in the present without considering the future. If she trusted him to comply, I doubt he was a menace to her children.


Instead of so much talk about sexual harrassment, down trodden women
always being abused, learn about finances and how to protect yourself and your children. I went to court myself, without an expensive attorney, and won double the support I was receiving. Boy was he shocked. You are allowed in a courtroom without a lawyer, people.
The judge was so sympathic to me, he ordered the new support from another state and got him. I was scared to be sure, but I tried.
Its time consuming, but you all can do it.

Finances are a big part of our lives. Please learn about them. Yes, Ginger, I am aware you are good at it. I don't see this happening to you. Smart woman, you are.


Annette

Madelise- sorry about you rdad. My friends husband went to India to get away from it all. Thats tough for sure.

 

[tammy77]

Unless it's drastically different there compared to where I live, she really isn't giving herself enough credit. I agree, it's unlikely that she even needs an attorney. She just needs to do some digging on her own and learn her rights. Also, if her ex marches in with an attorney but claims poverty, his case won't hold water. She has more power than she thinks she does. She just needs to gain the confidence to go for it.

Regarding moms giving up money to get their children, I've done it and I'd do it again. I took significantly less than the court would have ordered and my ex agreed to let our family (2 girls, my "new" DH and I) move to a better area for us. It also meant we'd have the girls more. When you see your kids spiraling downhill in the presence of the other parent, the choice becomes a whole lot easier to make. In our case, it wasn't a bad financial situation because my DH has a MUCH better job here and more growth opportunity though, so that factored into our decision too. If at some point he'd let us move further away (dh's family is awesome but 3,000 miles away), I would let him pay even less. It's worth it to me to have the kids physically/mentally healthier and safe.

 

[pregcurious]

Horrible. What a loser!!! Karma is a b*tch.