Would you borrow money from your parents??

[Rhea]

We always seem to owe each other at least small amounts of money in my family. Larger amounts have been borrowed and paid back both ways, me borrowing from my parents and them borrowing from me. We're close and enjoy helping each other out when it's needed. It's never a formal process but to date it's never been more than $1,500 or so.

 

[Dancing Fire]

It seems the ppl with good relationship with their familes have no problem with borrowing money while if you are the opposite it would never happen. I completely get that. It is bizarre that I would borrow money from my MIL, but never ask my own mother.

I have an excellent relationship with my parents and would rather walk over hot coals than ask for their money. They're retired and I want them to spend every penny on having a ball, not taking care of me. They did that bit for 18 years, and did it well, lol.

That's what I used to think too. However, after I had my own children, I realize what a joy it is for me to be able to care for them, even though they are young now, in all aspects of their lives. When they grow older, and if I can help them, I would be more than happy to. I REQUIRE THEM TO BE FINANCIALLY SELF-SUFFICIENT AND RESPONSIBLE, but if I wanted to, which I probably would, I can help them out with short term loans, or if something disastrous happened, and if I could help I would. I might even just straight up give them money or help with saving for my own grandchildren if I have any. It would be a blessing and a pleasure if I could. I am sure this is a function of my parents' attitude toward money and family, and it rubbing off on me.

Sounds very Chinese to me!...

 

[ruby59]

It seems the ppl with good relationship with their familes have no problem with borrowing money while if you are the opposite it would never happen. I completely get that. It is bizarre that I would borrow money from my MIL, but never ask my own mother.

I have an excellent relationship with my parents and would rather walk over hot coals than ask for their money. They're retired and I want them to spend every penny on having a ball, not taking care of me. They did that bit for 18 years, and did it well, lol.

That's what I used to think too. However, after I had my own children, I realize what a joy it is for me to be able to care for them, even though they are young now, in all aspects of their lives. When they grow older, and if I can help them, I would be more than happy to. I REQUIRE THEM TO BE FINANCIALLY SELF-SUFFICIENT AND RESPONSIBLE, but if I wanted to, which I probably would, I can help them out with short term loans, or if something disastrous happened, and if I could help I would. I might even just straight up give them money or help with saving for my own grandchildren if I have any. It would be a blessing and a pleasure if I could. I am sure this is a function of my parents' attitude toward money and family, and it rubbing off on me.

Sounds very Chinese to me!...

I am Jewish married to an Italian, and our situation is similar in both families. And now we are part of the "sandwich" generation with kids still at home and responsibility for older parents. When growing up, both of our parents would not hesitate to help us when needed and even sensed it beforehand. But we never abused that. Both our parents wanted us to enjoy our lives while they were still alive and set us up with inheritances. Now that our mothers are both widows and my husband makes an excellent salary, we have not hesitated to make sure their golden years are as comfortable and enjoyable as possible. We both consider our mothers/mothers-in-law as interchangeable because they both treated us like their own.

With our 3 children, we made sure that all did/will go to college and we paid/are paying for all tuition. Just like our parents, we feel this is important to make sure our children have the necessary skills to succeed in life. We will also set them up with inheritances so we can watch them enjoy their lives like our parents did. We will always be there for them like our parents were for us, not as crutches, but to see they live productive lives and get the help they need during bumps in the road.
Like someone else said, I guess we do as parents as we learned as children.

 

[partgypsy]

I was helped by my parents, in that they loved and raised me, and also they paid for whatever part of my college tuition I didn't cover via scholarships. But my sister often brings up, we were raised with a double standard.
The way my parents (and my husband's parents were raised) they were given cash from grandparents (for first home, first business) and also inheritances.
My parents spent their inheritances. Some was shared, in that my older brother inherited something that was worth 35K, and my younger brother was given down payments for at least one home. In contrast the girls (my sister and I) were given a coin that was worth 1400. We also didn't get allowances while my brothers got allowances. If we did chores we were expected to, while the boys were paid for the same chores. For me this is all water under the bridge, I've moved on, but it is funny that my mother has no problem asking me and my sister to financially help her, while my brothers are given a free pass, (she even asks us to buy things for one of my brothers, which I will not)

My husband's parents are very generous in some ways, and give cash gifts at Xmas. They have essentially paid for 2 Disney trips for our entire family! They both received inheritances (and were also helped out buying their first home from their parents). However I don't think they feel they should financially help their children. For example no children were helped with first home expenses, and their daughter was told that they wouldn't contribute with wedding expenses, except if she had it at their home. No cash for a wedding gift either. So their philosophy differs from their parents, just as my parents differ from what they experienced. I guess I don't mind with whatever the family philosophy is, as long as it is consistent! But at the least I don't have to worry about supporting my husband's parents in their old age, which is a worry I have with my parents.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

...and if so, under what circumstances? If not, why? Are there any circumstances in which you might considering doing so?

If you are a parent of adult children, would you lend them money? If yes explain under what circumstances, if no, explain why.

edit: I'd like to add this question as well..

If you are the parent of an adult child, would you borrow money from your child? Under what circumstances?

I'd never borrow money from my mom... She borrowed from me once and bought a house w/the money and in my name as a veterans loan! About ten yrs later, I found out that the house almost went into foreclosure in MY name. I never knew... It was confusing bc I had a car loan and the interest rate was high but I didn't know why. If I won the lotto, I'd mail her a ck, but that is it.

If my inlaws asked for a loan, if we could help, we would.

If both boys have secure jobs, I'd love to help w/a house downpayment or give them a loan for a car. They just need to be in school or have stable employment. I'd hate to see them exploited with high interest rates. I already anticipate helping them and life is too short to see them struggle, so if they can demonstrate responsibility, I'll help. If not, I don't know...but, sheesh, NEVER would I want them homeless, so they will always have help of some sort.

But, I won't lend them $20 for xbox stuff so the do chores for that.

 

[TooPatient]

It seems the ppl with good relationship with their familes have no problem with borrowing money while if you are the opposite it would never happen. I completely get that. It is bizarre that I would borrow money from my MIL, but never ask my own mother.

I have an excellent relationship with my parents and would rather walk over hot coals than ask for their money. They're retired and I want them to spend every penny on having a ball, not taking care of me. They did that bit for 18 years, and did it well, lol.

That's what I used to think too. However, after I had my own children, I realize what a joy it is for me to be able to care for them, even though they are young now, in all aspects of their lives. When they grow older, and if I can help them, I would be more than happy to. I REQUIRE THEM TO BE FINANCIALLY SELF-SUFFICIENT AND RESPONSIBLE, but if I wanted to, which I probably would, I can help them out with short term loans, or if something disastrous happened, and if I could help I would. I might even just straight up give them money or help with saving for my own grandchildren if I have any. It would be a blessing and a pleasure if I could. I am sure this is a function of my parents' attitude toward money and family, and it rubbing off on me.

Sounds very Chinese to me!...

I am Jewish married to an Italian, and our situation is similar in both families. And now we are part of the "sandwich" generation with kids still at home and responsibility for older parents. When growing up, both of our parents would not hesitate to help us when needed and even sensed it beforehand. But we never abused that. Both our parents wanted us to enjoy our lives while they were still alive and set us up with inheritances. Now that our mothers are both widows and my husband makes an excellent salary, we have not hesitated to make sure their golden years are as comfortable and enjoyable as possible. We both consider our mothers/mothers-in-law as interchangeable because they both treated us like their own.

With our 3 children, we made sure that all did/will go to college and we paid/are paying for all tuition. Just like our parents, we feel this is important to make sure our children have the necessary skills to succeed in life. We will also set them up with inheritances so we can watch them enjoy their lives like our parents did. We will always be there for them like our parents were for us, not as crutches, but to see they live productive lives and get the help they need during bumps in the road.
Like someone else said, I guess we do as parents as we learned as children.

Re: the bolded -- Not always.

FI and I were both in the position of having parents who didn't help with college. I was buying all of my own food in high school and had no help when it came time to move out. FI moved out on his own after finishing HS at 15. No help. We both made less than great choices trying to survive.

We are doing the best we can to allow "A" to succeed in school, enjoy her teen years and know that while we won't hand her an apartment with tuition for some random art degree we WILL allow her to live at home (we are near several good colleges plus one of the best universities in the country) and do everything we can to keep her from finishing a college degree without debt. She also knows that we won't give her a car or rent for a year but we will make sure she is able to get reliable transportation (we're looking at buying a new car in our name and then having her "buy" it from us so that she is responsible for payments but there is a bit more flexibility as she gets going in life) and into a decent apartment in a good area with enough basics that she'll be comfortable. (towels, pots/pans, silverware, tp, stocked food, etc)

If she came asking for help with rent because she was transitioning to a new job -- okay. If we can help with this we will.
If she came asking for help with rent because she decided to spend her money on a cruise vacation with her friends -- no.

Anyway...
Some of us are doing as parents what we wish would have been done for us.