All the single ladies.....

[jaysonsmom]

I know of a couple of single gals on PS that are avid diamond collectors....do you wear your diamonds on THE ring finger? Do you feel that people assume you're taken and off the market? I'm just wondering because I have a friend who wears her wedding set despite being divorced for 5 years and very available and ready to date. Her reason, she loves her diamonds, and they are sized for her ring finger!

 

[amc80]

Not single, but when I was I never wore anything on "the" finger. It seems like a good way to not meet a guy.

 

[Circe]

When I was single, I wore rings on "that" finger - not diamonds, since I couldn't afford them in grad school, but rubies, sapphires, whatever. Not one guy ever recoiled from them. Most probably never noticed. That said, I think there's a difference between wearing a ring - depending on culture, etc., it could just be decorative - and wearing a full-on wedding set. I wonder if maybe your friend isn't a little conflicted about things.

 

[kenny]

I always thought a wedding ring on her ring finger meant she WAS available.

 

[jaysonsmom]

I never wore anything that resembled an engagement ring when I was single, but I did wear other costumey rings....My divorced friend is a single mom with 2 boys, and very attractive claims that she never gets asked out! I think it's because men DO pay attention to what you're wearing on your ring finger.

 

[BriBee]

When I was single I was out one night and a man ended up approaching me...after talking for a little while he mentioned that he almost didn't come to talk to me because I was wearing a ring on my left hand. I was actually wearing it on my left, middle finger, and the ring did not resemble anything wedding-y to me. BUT, I took that to mean that certain guys do pay attention so I never wore anything on my left ring finger after that, and would sometimes even think about leaving my left middle empty too.

 

[Dancing Fire]

I always thought a wedding ring on her ring finger meant she WAS available.

yes,married but available...

Kenny...how do you know if the gay man is available? by his ring?

lunch time!

 

[iLander]

I'm happily married, but I don't wear my solitaire/band combo very much, my wedding finger is bare.

I do wear a pretty largish 25th anniversary ring on my middle finger, but I'm just more comfortable with rings on my middle fingers. If I'm out among people, I'll break out the band/solitaire. But to me, the real accomplishment is the 25 years, so I honor/wear that every day.

I have been looking around for a band type ring, very plain, just gold, but I can't seem to find anything that I really like. I had one, but it's too small now, maybe I should just break down and get it sized? But the jewelers around here are beyond awful.

 

[madelise]

Yeah. People do ask, and I always tell them no, I'm not engaged. I don't mind it. It's those that demand a "why do you wear a ring, then?" that I quickly like to shut down. I do not believe that anyone else or social convention has the right to own my left ring finger until I get proposed to. If I was 100% purely just for a diamond engagement ring to show off, I would have dated a more desperate man and hightailed it out of my current relationship.

The thing is, I don't worry if people think I'm off the market because I'm not on the market. If I were single, and trying to find a partner out there in this world, I would probably not wear a ring on that finger on a date. But it's not for the fear of him thinking I'm taken and a cheater or something, to be going out with him, but more for the fear of him thinking I'm "one of those" girls that are just desperate to get married, and want to talk about the details of our future wedding on the first date.. I would still wear a ring while I'm tending to my own business, however, since 1) I don't care what others think, and prefer to keep myself happy by having a constant sparkle on my hands, within constant sight and 2) I'm a California girl, just like the stereotype rubyshoes' thread describes. I don't like talking to strangers, and get defensive when someone I don't know is trying to strike up conversation with me (unless it's a child or a senior, in which I feel no threat usually). If it helps deter just ONE guy from bothering me, the better it is. I hate it when guys hit on me when I don't know them. HATE it. Hah! I never realized how bad I am with meeting strangers until I met my SO, actually. I did *NOT* want to meet him. So maybe my answer isn't an answer you're seeking..

Unfortunately for me, my left ring finger is just the most comfortable spot for me to wear a ring. A ring on my right hand will get dinged up more often since it is my dominant hand. The pointer finger takes a beating, as well, and I prefer to keep it free so I have more fluid movement since it's the finger that reaches the furthest on the keyboard, does the most work, etc. My middle fingers can be an option, but they're size gigundo. I think they're like size 10 or something. And obviously I'm not going to wear an expensive ring on my pinky

If my guy had a problem with this, I wouldn't be with him. I had one coworker literally argue with me after asking me, "Are you engaged" multiple times. I brushed it off the first few times, thinking he must've just forgotten our previous conversations. But this last time, he hit a nerve. I told him, "You don't remember? I told you a few times already, no, I'm not, I'm just a jewelry aficionado." and he PUSHED IT with, "Well if you don't want me to ask, then don't wear a ring there." Right. Because I'm to go through my life to the very last minute detail, worried about what a guy is going to think about the sparkly on my left ring finger. HAH!



Hm, if your friend insists on wearing her set because she loves her diamonds (don't we all! ) then so be it. If anything, she might be saving herself from a few jerks along the way who want to put her inside of a box of what's acceptable to wear or not. If she herself starts to feel like it's hindering her abilities to meet a decent future partner, then she'll stop wearing it. I don't judge a sista' for choosing bling over a man, though Hey, maybe she might be complaining about the men not asking her out, but is truly scared and isn't ready, so she's hiding behind her set? Who knows. I'm sure she knows what she's doing.

Maybe she (like me) doesn't do well in bumping into random strangers? We all don't wish for a love story like Serendipity. Maybe she does better with guys she already knows, or friends of friends? Like I said, I'm very defensive with strangers because of a million reasons.. Craigslist Killers, rapists, abusers, robbers, sex freaks, cheaters, and whatever other type of weirdo. I have thought to myself that, if I was unable to meet a partner through my friends, the next best thing that I would feel comfortable with is meeting someone through a computer screen on a dating website. Then I can build a relationship via text on the web, and then to the phone. But I still first prefer to "know" a person, even if it is just my friend vouching for the guy that I've never met. I feel safer.



ETA: since I've had my words twisted before, when I say "shut it down", I don't beat up on them or get cray cray. My line is, "I'm a jewelry aficionado." and if they delve into why THAT finger, I explain the whole right hand dominance, other fingers annoying thing. And I don't mind explaining, so maybe "shut it down" isn't a good choice of words.. I only mind it if they argue back with me.

And I switch between 2 solitaires, and 2 antique rings, all with a single center diamond.

 

[kenny]

I always thought a wedding ring on her ring finger meant she WAS available.

yes,married but available...
Kenny...how do you know if the gay man is available? by his ring?

Same as with straight people, I'd guess ... the eyes.

 

[madelise]

I'm happily married, but I don't wear my solitaire/band combo very much, my wedding finger is bare.

I do wear a pretty largish 25th anniversary ring on my middle finger, but I'm just more comfortable with rings on my middle fingers. If I'm out among people, I'll break out the band/solitaire. But to me, the real accomplishment is the 25 years, so I honor/wear that every day.

I have been looking around for a band type ring, very plain, just gold, but I can't seem to find anything that I really like. I had one, but it's too small now, maybe I should just break down and get it sized? But the jewelers around here are beyond awful.

Congrats on 25 years, iLander. I also like the opposite view of this thread, too. Like you, I would hate to have someone undermine and undervalue my future marriage if I chose to go ringless. I HATE BEING IN A BOX! It gets claustrophobic in there! hehe.

If you just want a plain gold band, why not hit up pawn shops if you don't mind preloved? Or ebay? Since YG has been "out of style", they've been flooding my local pawn shops. Otherwise, eweddingbands has pretty good prices for the plain Jane bands

 

[iLander]

I always thought a wedding ring on her ring finger meant she WAS available.

yes,married but available...
Kenny...how do you know if the gay man is available? by his ring?

Same as with straight people, I'd guess ... the eyes.

These eyes?

 

[kenny]

I always thought a wedding ring on her ring finger meant she WAS available.

yes,married but available...
Kenny...how do you know if the gay man is available? by his ring?

Same as with straight people, I'd guess ... the eyes.

These eyes?

A very interested glance that lasts too long.

 

[iLander]

I'm happily married, but I don't wear my solitaire/band combo very much, my wedding finger is bare.

I do wear a pretty largish 25th anniversary ring on my middle finger, but I'm just more comfortable with rings on my middle fingers. If I'm out among people, I'll break out the band/solitaire. But to me, the real accomplishment is the 25 years, so I honor/wear that every day.

I have been looking around for a band type ring, very plain, just gold, but I can't seem to find anything that I really like. I had one, but it's too small now, maybe I should just break down and get it sized? But the jewelers around here are beyond awful.

Congrats on 25 years, iLander. I also like the opposite view of this thread, too. Like you, I would hate to have someone undermine and undervalue my future marriage if I chose to go ringless. I HATE BEING IN A BOX! It gets claustrophobic in there! hehe.

If you just want a plain gold band, why not hit up pawn shops if you don't mind preloved? Or ebay? Since YG has been "out of style", they've been flooding my local pawn shops. Otherwise, eweddingbands has pretty good prices for the plain Jane bands

Thanks, medlise! It is a looooong time.

I've been checking those out, I can't decide what color, or width. I just get flummoxed then walk away. Thirtieth anniversary is this year, so I feel like DH and I should pick it together. I suspect that's what we'll do.

 

[iLander]

I always thought a wedding ring on her ring finger meant she WAS available.

yes,married but available...
Kenny...how do you know if the gay man is available? by his ring?

Same as with straight people, I'd guess ... the eyes.

These eyes?

A very interested glance that lasts too long.

Oh. Like this then?

(messing with Kenny . . .)

 

[kenny]

 

[jaysonsmom]

Yeah. People do ask, and I always tell them no, I'm not engaged. I don't mind it. It's those that demand a "why do you wear a ring, then?" that I quickly like to shut down. I do not believe that anyone else or social convention has the right to own my left ring finger until I get proposed to. If I was 100% purely just for a diamond engagement ring to show off, I would have dated a more desperate man and hightailed it out of my current relationship.

The thing is, I don't worry if people think I'm off the market because I'm not on the market. If I were single, and trying to find a partner out there in this world, I would probably not wear a ring on that finger on a date. But it's not for the fear of him thinking I'm taken and a cheater or something, to be going out with him, but more for the fear of him thinking I'm "one of those" girls that are just desperate to get married, and want to talk about the details of our future wedding on the first date.. I would still wear a ring while I'm tending to my own business, however, since 1) I don't care what others think, and prefer to keep myself happy by having a constant sparkle on my hands, within constant sight and 2) I'm a California girl, just like the stereotype rubyshoes' thread describes. I don't like talking to strangers, and get defensive when someone I don't know is trying to strike up conversation with me (unless it's a child or a senior, in which I feel no threat usually). If it helps deter just ONE guy from bothering me, the better it is. I hate it when guys hit on me when I don't know them. HATE it. Hah! I never realized how bad I am with meeting strangers until I met my SO, actually. I did *NOT* want to meet him. So maybe my answer isn't an answer you're seeking..

Unfortunately for me, my left ring finger is just the most comfortable spot for me to wear a ring. A ring on my right hand will get dinged up more often since it is my dominant hand. The pointer finger takes a beating, as well, and I prefer to keep it free so I have more fluid movement since it's the finger that reaches the furthest on the keyboard, does the most work, etc. My middle fingers can be an option, but they're size gigundo. I think they're like size 10 or something. And obviously I'm not going to wear an expensive ring on my pinky

If my guy had a problem with this, I wouldn't be with him. I had one coworker literally argue with me after asking me, "Are you engaged" multiple times. I brushed it off the first few times, thinking he must've just forgotten our previous conversations. But this last time, he hit a nerve. I told him, "You don't remember? I told you a few times already, no, I'm not, I'm just a jewelry aficionado." and he PUSHED IT with, "Well if you don't want me to ask, then don't wear a ring there." Right. Because I'm to go through my life to the very last minute detail, worried about what a guy is going to think about the sparkly on my left ring finger. HAH!

Hm, if your friend insists on wearing her set because she loves her diamonds (don't we all! ) then so be it. If anything, she might be saving herself from a few jerks along the way who want to put her inside of a box of what's acceptable to wear or not. If she herself starts to feel like it's hindering her abilities to meet a decent future partner, then she'll stop wearing it. I don't judge a sista' for choosing bling over a man, though Hey, maybe she might be complaining about the men not asking her out, but is truly scared and isn't ready, so she's hiding behind her set? Who knows. I'm sure she knows what she's doing.

Maybe she (like me) doesn't do well in bumping into random strangers? We all don't wish for a love story like Serendipity. Maybe she does better with guys she already knows, or friends of friends? Like I said, I'm very defensive with strangers because of a million reasons.. Craigslist Killers, rapists, abusers, robbers, sex freaks, cheaters, and whatever other type of weirdo. I have thought to myself that, if I was unable to meet a partner through my friends, the next best thing that I would feel comfortable with is meeting someone through a computer screen on a dating website. Then I can build a relationship via text on the web, and then to the phone. But I still first prefer to "know" a person, even if it is just my friend vouching for the guy that I've never met. I feel safer.


ETA: since I've had my words twisted before, when I say "shut it down", I don't beat up on them or get cray cray. My line is, "I'm a jewelry aficionado." and if they delve into why THAT finger, I explain the whole right hand dominance, other fingers annoying thing. And I don't mind explaining, so maybe "shut it down" isn't a good choice of words.. I only mind it if they argue back with me.

And I switch between 2 solitaires, and 2 antique rings, all with a single center diamond.

Call my nosey, but with all your magnificent bling, does it put more pressure on your SO to present you with something even better than what you have when/if the actualy propsal takes place? Running off to search for pix

 

[Chewbacca]

I'm not married, and I don't wear rings on my left ring finger. I did for a couple of years, an engagement ring of my Dads (which he had returned to him before he met my Mum). I did receive inquiries about it. I didn't really think about the symbolism of that finger at the time, and I guess I stopped wearing it only because I grew tired of it.

I probably wouldn't now, because I would feel as though I was sending the wrong message, particularly to my boyfriend, friends and family.

Madelise - I wonder if you having received a promise ring has anything to do with your thoughts on wearing rings on the left ring finger?

 

[cookies]

I am married, and wear a ring on my left ring finger.

One day, I met up with a guy to discuss some business. During lunch, he asked, "are you married?"

 

[madelise]

Call my nosey, but with all your magnificent bling, does it put more pressure on your SO to present you with something even better than what you have when/if the actualy propsal takes place? Running off to search for pix

He had no direct pressure from me, just guidance on what I would like his budget to be stretched for. He ended up being flustered and just made me choose anyway. He had control only on the financial aspect of the purchase, and just minor control over the setting and stone. Two of the 4 rings I listed are purchased by him.. and they were my first! He set himself up for trouble

JM, I'm curious, you say your friend complains/notices not being approached or asked out… does she realize that her rings set may have some social message sent across to the opposite sex? Furthermore, why doesn't she approach them, and be more proactive about her own relationship status? As much as I love that we should do whatever we please, I also do realize that certain situations may warrant some careful treading. Also, since she's already divorced, why can't she resize her set? Maybe wear the WB as a middle finger ring, and the e-ring as a RHR? Reset it? Are those options for her? I'm going off of you saying the only reason she wears it there is bc it's the only finger it fits. If she wants to move it to another finger, she should.

Madelise - I wonder if you having received a promise ring has anything to do with your thoughts on wearing rings on the left ring finger?

One is a promise ring, not all. But I wore a band on my left ring finger while I was in high school, and a cheapy SS and CZ blingy thing.. I think it was 3 stone? also in high school.. until it got stuck one day and turned green. Yuck!

 

[gem_anemone]

Before I was engaged/married I never wore a ring on THE finger. If I see a person with a wedding set or band on THE finger I assume they are taken. If they have some sort of cocktail ring on I don't assume they are, but consider that they could be. I also consider it a possibility for those without rings on to be taken. I have a never-married single lady friend in her 40s who always wears a cocktail ring on THE finger at weddings/group outings. I don't get it. I think if you are single but looking that it attracts the wrong kind of man if you know what I mean :/

 

[MsP]

I have worn all kind of rings on my left and right ring fingers as a single woman. They are all quite "engagement-type" ie halo'd diamonds, three stone diamonds, etc and I even wore a big solitaire for a while. I'm sure things were assumed by strangers but I'm not the type who waits for a man to approach me for a date. IMO if that is your plan to meet someone you have more to worry about than wearing a ring on your left hand.

I also think that most men won't notice if a ring is on the right hand ring finger or the left. If it looks like an engagement ring on ANY hand they probably assume you are engaged/married. If my assumption is correct this would mean I wouldn't be able to wear any bling and that is just ridiculous.

 

[Clairitek]

I am married, and wear a ring on my left ring finger.

One day, I met up with a guy to discuss some business. During lunch, he asked, "are you married?"

I had a somewhat similar interaction recently with a guy in one of my social groups. He asked for my phone number and I was like, "To be friends. Yes. If you're interested in more, I can't. I'm sorry but I am married."

I had on my wedding band, BGD micropave eternity, and my antique 5 stone ring. Then I had the Aurora semi-eternity on the other hand. So blinged up! When I held up my left hand he was like, "Oh well some women wear those as props..." So he did notice but chose to ignore it.

I say wear what you want on whatever finger you want. If people want to know your status, they'll ask.

 

[partgypsy]

I didn't when I was single. A social convention is just that, an arbitrary but socially agreed upon meaning. So if you do wear something on the left ring finger and am not married, many people will either make assumptions or if they know you and didn't know you were engaged, ask you about it.

Many times my single sister has contemplated buying a fake band or engagement ring and wearing it on that finger, so she isn't hit upon (she works in a retirement home and sometimes the residents can say inappropriate things) but then she feels that is akin to lying, so she doesn't do it.

 

[Laila619]

I'm happily married and sometimes I wear nothing on my ring finger. With two small kids, sometimes it's not convenient or I just forget. When I was single, I wore costume rings on various fingers, but never the left ring finger (at least I don't think I did!).

 

[Snicklefritz]

Yup, I do all the time now that I have some bling! I've purchased two diamond bands from pre-loved in the last 4 months, and wear one on each ring finger daily. I bought them after I met my current BF, and while I was planning to wear them both and didn't see that changing, I did ask what he thought. He said he hadn't thought about it at all

A friend of his asked about the significance, and after acknowledging that the band on my left hand wasn't an indication of engagement or marriage, I simply said that I like to wear both. The convo ended there.

Not sure I'd wear a ring on my left finger so regularly if I wanted to attract attention from the opposite sex though

 

[jaysonsmom]

He had no direct pressure from me, just guidance on what I would like his budget to be stretched for. He ended up being flustered and just made me choose anyway. He had control only on the financial aspect of the purchase, and just minor control over the setting and stone. Two of the 4 rings I listed are purchased by him.. and they were my first! He set himself up for trouble

JM, I'm curious, you say your friend complains/notices not being approached or asked out… does she realize that her rings set may have some social message sent across to the opposite sex? Furthermore, why doesn't she approach them, and be more proactive about her own relationship status? As much as I love that we should do whatever we please, I also do realize that certain situations may warrant some careful treading. Also, since she's already divorced, why can't she resize her set? Maybe wear the WB as a middle finger ring, and the e-ring as a RHR? Reset it? Are those options for her? I'm going off of you saying the only reason she wears it there is bc it's the only finger it fits. If she wants to move it to another finger, she should.

Wow Madelise, I LOVE your gigantic OEC...I bet you can't wait to be wearing it! (or are you already wearing it ?)

My friend's marriage ended really badly, basically she was betrayed by her husband and her best friend, and I feel that she wears a set on her ring finger as a defense mechanism because although she says she wants to start dating (for the sake of her kids), she wants them to have a father-figure in their life, I don't think she wants a man in her life for her own sake. When I told her about how her set could send the wrong message, she has started alternating it with another ring, kind of like this filagree diamond ring below....but it's still on THE finger!

 

[Dancing Fire]

I know of a couple of single gals on PS that are avid diamond collectors....do you wear your diamonds on THE ring finger? Do you feel that people assume you're taken and off the market? I'm just wondering because I have a friend who wears her wedding set despite being divorced for 5 years and very available and ready to date. Her reason, she loves her diamonds, and they are sized for her ring finger!

http://www.zazzle.com/kiss_me_im_available_tee_shirt-235804875972267044

 

[rubyshoes]

I had the opposite problem, as a married woman.

I never wore an ER and band on my left finger because in my culture, we don't! But I was constantly being hit on by guys and it was irritating as I'd say "Sorry, I'm married" and they'd argue with me. "But you aren't wearing a ring." and then I'd say "We don't, in my culture" and some people would back off while others would say things like "Oh, whatever. If you're not interested in dating, just say so." It was a PITA as I took the train-bus combo to work so there was a lot of unwanted attention, some from weirdos who really creeped me out.

I was venting to my friend and she told me to just start wearing an ER and a band, so I started wearing rings that I already owned, on the ring finger. NO MORE ATTENTION. Yayyyyyyyy!!!

ALL my married non-American friends here wear a ring or a band to signify they are married. I can assure you guys DO notice and decide whether to approach you or not based on it. Or maybe it's just Midwestern/Chicago guys?! If I was single and interested, I would definitely keep my ring finger bare.

 

[baby monster]

When I was single, I never wore rings on left ring finger. One of my single friends likes to wear a non-ER style diamond band ring on left ring finger and I have been asked by men whether she's married. There is a symbolism of wearing a ring on that finger.

For what it's worth, I have been hit upon multiple times while wearing my weddind band (don't have ER). Not everyone pays attention. Last month, a woman tried to set me up with her son at a party. I had WB on and mentioned our child in conversation several times.