Still having troubles getting DS to stay in bed- help?!

[Logan Sapphire]

I'm in desperate need of help. My 2.5 year old has been in a toddler bed since he was 2, well before we all were ready. This has become a nightmare for us- each night since he was 2, he's come into our bed and for 6 months, we tolerated it, even though co-sleeping does not work for us. The past 3 weeks, we've been working on getting him back to his own room and have only had moderate success. Most nights, he comes into our room, but my husband is able to take him back to his own room without a fuss. We can accept that he probably will wake up a couple of times, and although it's not ideal, at least he'll go back to sleep quickly. The main problem is that he now has become a very early riser, getting up at 3 or 4am for the day. This morning, he screamed at the top of his lungs from 4am to 5am. We have an older child whom we don't want to wake up, but sometimes it's inevitable. How in the world do we get him to stay in his own bed and/or room? We've failed with a tot clock and other items like a star projector and dog nightlight. He is tall and can climb over our gate or knock it down. Someone suggested rebuilding his crib and putting him in a backwards sleep sack so that he can't hike his leg up over the side. Both my husband and I are uncomfortable with locking him in his room, but if that's our last resort, we'd do it. Any suggestions?

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I don't have a solution at all, but what time does he go to bed at night? If it is early, I would try keeping him up later if he is up for the day at 3:00 am!

 

[Logan Sapphire]

Hi DS

He does go to bed early-ish (in bed at 6.30pm, but has some books and doesn't usually fall asleep until 7.30). We've tried moving bedtime back (and currently have it pushed back 1/2 hour), but he seems like he only can sleep 9 hours. So last night, we put him to bed so that he was asleep by 8, which should've meant a 5am wake-up (not ideal, but workable), and he outfoxed us by getting at 4. Silly boy.

 

[Puppmom]

Logan, I can commiserate. We were cosleeping (and not by choice). We kicked DS out around Thanksgiving. He has a babygate at his door that prevents him from getting out but doesn't prevent him from causing a ruckus.

We took a similar approach to you. DS wakes and DH gets up and puts him back in bed (At 8 mos pregnant, I can barely scale the baby gate or get out of bed for that matter so these duties fall on DH). DS falls asleep and DH comes back to bed. Rinse and repeat. We're still doing that almost two months later. Our problem, I think, is that we wait until DS falls asleep so, the next time he wakes he needs *help* falling asleep.

Anyway, we HAVE made progress with a few regressions due to illness. He sleeps through about 2 nights per week and only 1 or 2 wake ups the rest...with a night of total hell here and there. The main contributor to our limited *success* is rewards. If DS sleeps in his bed all night without waking DH, he gets a prize. Even though it's worked, it has backfired a bit. After the first two times we gave him a prize, he started demanding one every morning (regardless of whether or not he slept through). He would literally wake up and bark at us that he wanted a prize and throw a FIT when we said no. Funny...but not. Oh, and the other way the rewards have backfired is DS becomes obsessed with the prize...freaks if he can't find it, talks about it all day and...wait for it - WAKES UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT ASKING FOR IT!

On a side note, when DS does sleep through the night, he's up by 5am too. I figured we'll address that later but 3am is the middle of the night as far as I'm concerned!

Have you tried rewards? They might just work. I know a lot of people have used rewards successfully and are very quickly able to remove the reward from the equation. We're not there yet but our situation is manageable at the moment. I'm due in 6 weeks and figure all hell will break loose then.

 

[Logan Sapphire]

Puppmom! I feel your pain! And you, 8 months pregnant too!

Do we have the same kid?? My son sounds exactly like yours...this morning, he was sobbing and insisting that he'd stayed the whole night in his room, when clearly he hadn't. I don't know if he's so out of it in the middle of the night that he's not fully cognizant that he's gotten out of his bed, so I worry that rewarding him (which I'm not against in theory- we do it for potty training ) wouldn't work. I know another friend's daughter was like that- they rewarded her for staying in bed, but she would genuinely believe she had, when she really hadn't. I can totally see my son doing what yours does!

Out of curiosity, what kind of rewards do you give?

We also bought a stoplight clock that is red for staying in bed and turns green at his appointed time. We then found out that our little stinker was rising early specifically so he could watch for it to turn green, and then one morning when he'd gotten up at 3 again, had the nerve to tell my husband that the light kept taking longer and longer to turn green. Bye bye clock!!! He's sort of this hyper vigilant kid and the clock was adding to his anxiety and early rising. Too bad, b/c it's a cute clock! Maybe in the future...

We actually did a sleep consultation with a woman who was trained by the Sleep Lady. She said that DS wasn't able to self-soothe because he was basically using my husband as a lovey, in the DH was laying down on the floor until DS went to sleep. So, in the middle of the night when DS wakes up and then sees that DH isn't there, he comes to find him. It sounds like that might be happening with your son too?

Fortunately, DS is able to go back to sleep once DH brings him back to his room and doesn't need DH there...it's just the early risings that are killing us.

 

[Puppmom]

Logan, our situations sound VERY similar. Hopefully, there are others that have made it to the "other side" and have some great pointers.

DS says "I sleep in my bed ALL night" every morning. Quickly followed by, "Get my *frize*, please." So, we'll say something like, "I'm so proud of you but we only get a prize if we don't wake up daddy." I guess technically they're right, they did sleep in their bed all night. Our current prize is a small train. It sort of happened by accident as I bought a bunch of trains on sale at Target and left them in my trunk. DH was so excited the first morning that DS slept through the night, he grabbed one to reward him. They're $3 each so we're going to have to think of something else. We've set the bar high!

DH is totally DS's security blanket. It's to the point that, when he does wake, he doesn't even get upset or cry. He just says, "Dad? Where are you? Come sleep with me!" If DH doesn't get there fast enough, he'll shout for me, then DD, then the dog! Maybe we should just send the dog in!

 

[FrekeChild]

Does he nap?

This kind of thing totally freaks out my husband. He's terrified our daughter will come get in bed with us every night when she's able.

 

[Logan Sapphire]

Yes, he stil naps: 1.5 to 2 hours. With the nap, he gets about 10-11 hours of sleep a day, which is well off the average of 13 for this age. I'm thinking we may need to accept he just doesn't sleep that much...now how to get him to just stay in his room??

Your husband shouldn't worry yet! My daughter, who's 4.5, has been a dream sleeper- simply perfect. She has never once gotten out of her bed and her transition went so smoothly that we were shocked that we have these issues with DS. I think we can tell it's in their personalities, in a way. She is very independent and apart from when she was first adopted, hasn't needed us in her room to sleep. We can go to a strange house, tuck her in for the night, and she falls asleep with no issues. DS just has a needier personality in general and likes to be with us, crawling on us, next to us, etc., and this translates into wanting someone there when he sleeps.

Maybe having them share a room would help?

 

[Dreamer_D]

Hunter was a nightmare sleeper for about 10 months around your son's age. He also would not stay in bed.



We just kept persisting. It took about a month! We never ever ever let him in our bed. One of us took him back to his bed, and he was not allowed to come into our room until the sun came up on his clock. You would be surprised how long it takes them to really learn. You may need to keep walking him back to his room for a long time.

Eventually we offered rewards when he stayed in bed. For about two weeks EVERY morning that he stayed in bed he got a toy. Then he started staying in bed on his own. Now, if he stays in bed he earns the right to watch TV for a short time the next day. Its something we let him do anyway, but this way it is tied to something we want him to do.

Oh, and Hunter was a 5am waking for a loooooooong time! Gradually we got him to sleep in longer by basically not allowing him to leave his room until his "sun" came up. He would get bored and sleep in.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I sincerely think with the nap you'd be better off with an 8 pm bedtime and hopefully 8:30 to sleep. I do think he'll sleep the 9 hours after he gets used to it, and 5:30 wake time is FAR better than 3 am! I had two that got up and came to our bed at night for a period of time, and I would always carry them back to their beds. Like Dreamer said, it sort of takes persistence. But mine never went to bed that early because my husband didn't get home before about 6:00, so they would have not seen him enough if I didn't make 8:00-8:30 their bedtime.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Yes, by the time Hunter was 2.5 he was going to bed at about 7:30 and he slept until about 6am. It takes their bodies a while to adjust if you push the bedtime, but they will!

 

[Puppmom]

Dreamer, based on Hunter's age when the sleep nightmare began, it sounds like Ryder was an infant at the time. You poor woman!

 

[Puppmom]

Interesting article:

http://healthland.time.com/2013/01/16/sleep-stealers-whats-keeping-children-from-getting-enough-shut-eye/?hpt=hp_t3

We do let DS watch TV every night before bed. It's his "wind-down" activity...

 

[Logan Sapphire]

Interesting article:

http://healthland.time.com/2013/01/16/sleep-stealers-whats-keeping-children-from-getting-enough-shut-eye/?hpt=hp_t3

We do let DS watch TV every night before bed. It's his "wind-down" activity...

I'd heard that too. DS doesn't watch TV before bed and we certainly won't start now! We gave him melatonin twice, which completely knocked him out, but then read that the side effects are unknown for kids and that too much will become habit-forming. That's all he needs...another sleep issue.

When I say he goes to bed at 6.30 (now 7pm), he doesn't fall asleep until 7.30 or 8. So I wouldn't characterize him as actually literally falling asleep at 6.30. It seems to take him awhile to wind down. He has to be up at 5.30am the lastest, so we kind of have to take the number of hours he needs and count backwards to make sure he gets enough sleep in. We can try the 8pm bed, 8.30 asleep thing that DS suggested. It makes me nervous though! My 4.5 year old is fast asleep long before that!

I've heard that boys tend to have more sleeping issues and need less sleep than girls. Anyone else hear that?