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How to find a good therapist?

princesss

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Hey guys, I know this is probably more of a health/home question, but since this board gets more traffic I thought I'd give it a shot. I've got a friend who is going through a lot (family and friend stuff) and would like to talk to somebody about it. She's really nervous about word of this getting around, so she doesn't want to ask people she knows for suggestions, but neither of us has ever actually had to look for a therapist before. Do you know what we should be looking for? She's just trying to work through some major family changes and some major let downs she's had recently, but she's not doing so well with this on her own. She's in NYC, so if anybody knows New York specific places to look, that'd be great, but at this point we'd appreciate just knowing what terms to google!
 

kenny

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I visited three before I found one I clicked with.
I think you won't know if (s)he is the one till you actually meet the therapist.

After a few years in therapy the subject came up about why I picked her.
Without thinking I just said to her, "You were a person I felt I could have a relationship with."

Clearly that does not mean everyone I'm comfortable with will be a good therapist, but it is one important aspect to selecting a therapist.
You don't need a relationship with your surgeon, but I think of therapy as something that takes place within that special relationship.
 

AmeliaG

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She can get recommendations from her insurance provider and schedule intake exams with therapists to see which she likes best. Recommendations I've found less than helpful. The therapist that clicks best with one person is not so good with their friend.
 

princesss

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kenny|1354648631|3322357 said:
I visited three before I found one I clicked with.
I think you won't know if (s)he is the one till you actually meet the therapist.

After a few years in therapy the subject came up about why I picked her.
Without thinking I just said to her, "You were a person I felt I could have a relationship with."

Clearly that does not mean everyone I'm comfortable with will be a good therapist, but it is one important aspect to selecting a therapist.
You don't need a relationship with your surgeon, but I think of therapy as something that takes place within that special relationship.

I agree, but that's about 3 steps down the line. How did you find the ones you visited? Google? Insurance company?

Thanks, Amelia. I'll suggest that.
 

ihy138

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It's generally trial and error. If she's looking for who her insurance will cover, she can call her provider and ask. There are many different types of therapists (psychiatrists, psychologists, clinical social workers, etc). She should look for someone who specializes in life stressors and family issues. Although, most therapists have been trained on these presenting problems.
 

kenny

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princesss|1354649247|3322368 said:
kenny|1354648631|3322357 said:
I visited three before I found one I clicked with.
I think you won't know if (s)he is the one till you actually meet the therapist.

After a few years in therapy the subject came up about why I picked her.
Without thinking I just said to her, "You were a person I felt I could have a relationship with."

Clearly that does not mean everyone I'm comfortable with will be a good therapist, but it is one important aspect to selecting a therapist.
You don't need a relationship with your surgeon, but I think of therapy as something that takes place within that special relationship.

I agree, but that's about 3 steps down the line. How did you find the ones you visited? Google? Insurance company?

Thanks, Amelia. I'll suggest that.

All three I "tried" for one visit were recommended by a close friend who herself is a therapist.
I paid out of pocket because I didn't want an insurance company sticking its nose into that part of my life, and telling me when I'm done.
IMHO, absolute confidentiality is conducive to the therapeutic process - my therapist did not even take notes.
That made it a very safe space to dig deep and explore wherever the process takes you.

Also my therapist, actually a Jungian analyst, did not even accept clients who used insurance companies to pay her.
She had a full practice with cash-paying clients.
 

princesss

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kenny|1354649689|3322377 said:
princesss|1354649247|3322368 said:
kenny|1354648631|3322357 said:
I visited three before I found one I clicked with.
I think you won't know if (s)he is the one till you actually meet the therapist.

After a few years in therapy the subject came up about why I picked her.
Without thinking I just said to her, "You were a person I felt I could have a relationship with."

Clearly that does not mean everyone I'm comfortable with will be a good therapist, but it is one important aspect to selecting a therapist.
You don't need a relationship with your surgeon, but I think of therapy as something that takes place within that special relationship.

I agree, but that's about 3 steps down the line. How did you find the ones you visited? Google? Insurance company?

Thanks, Amelia. I'll suggest that.

All three I "tried" for one visit were recommended by a close friend who herself is a therapist.
I paid out of pocket because I didn't want an insurance company sticking its nose into that part of my life, and telling me when I'm done.
IMHO, absolute confidentiality is conducive to the therapeutic process - my therapist did not even take notes.
That made it a very safe space to dig deep and explore wherever the process takes you.

Also the therapist I chose did not even accept clients who used insurance companies to pay her.
She had a full practice with cash-paying clients.

Thanks! This helps a lot. I think my friend is like you, Kenny, and would rather this stay off the record.

Thanks as well, ihy. Good point to try to find somebody that specializes in family issues.

I really appreciate the help, everybody. Keep suggestions and ideas coming.
 

kenny

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BTW, money paid out of pocket for psychotherapy qualifies as an FSA (flexible spending account) expense per IRS rules.

That means if you are in the 25% tax bracket you get a 25% discount on the bill, since you are paying with before-tax dollars.
 

JulieN

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Trial and error. It of course, really helps if she knows what her goals are before the trials.
 

Efe

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I was going through several major family issues and was in the same position of not knowing how to find someone. I went to a few that I found through Mr. Google and they were just awful. One of them kept picking up her phone and texting while I was talking! I finally called the local hospice and talked with their social worker. I figured that family issues/dysfunction plays a big role in what they do and I found a wonderful therapist through their recommendation. They were great and more than willing to help someone not in the system. Might be worth a try?
 

isaku5

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At a very difficult time in my life, our family physician referred me to a therapist. We were a bad fit right from the first appointment. He tried to put words in my mouth which were not accurate at all. My PCP urged me to go back to him one more time to see whether we could get along better the second time. It was worse. Absolutely no connection at all. I refused to make a third appointment knowing that I might be out of luck completely.

I explained my situation to a second therapist and she set to work immediately arranging for me to see a therapist in a nearby city. He was an older gentleman who let me finish my sentences, tried to answer my questions and made me feel comfortable. What a difference he made! It was as if he could read my mind.

I was able to get monthly appointments with him for over a year and between those there was another young therapist in that office who helped me greatly with good practical advice. She loaned me books, shared titles of other books and generally was very helpful.

That was over twenty years ago and my memories of their help aided me in getting to a new and better place.

There is still such a stigma attached to mental health that I become furious when anyone speaks out against it. These people have no idea what treatment can do for a withered soul.
 

mary poppins

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If her insurance company has a website that includes approved providers, she can review locations, qualifications and areas of specialties there. Then, call a few she's interested in and interview them over the phone regarding their experience with her type of issues, style, and hours of availability, and also whether they accept her insurance. That way she can determine whether the person is available, returns calls in a timely manner and is patient, and also whether they click (at least over the phone, which is a good start). That's how I found a wonderful woman in NYC. I'd be happy to provide her contact information if you're interested.

Even if your friend doesn't want to go through her insurance, the insurance company website is still a good way to start and she can pay out of pocket rather than provide her insurance information when she visits.
 

Tacori E-ring

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Many therapists have cash only businesses. Some people don't want their insurance company in their "business." Word of mouth is the best because there are some rotten eggs out there. I would tell your friend once she makes an appointment to trust her instinct. If she doesn't feel safe or comfortable, it probably isn't about her, and it probably isn't going to get better. Some of my patients love me. Almost to an unhealthy, dependent degree, some have not liked me at all. I think we all have our own style and it is impossible to "appeal" to everyone. Also she is going to respond to certain theories better than others. If she has had past therapy, she should look for a therapist with a similar theories. Otherwise it is a bit trial and error. Cognitions vs. behavior vs emotions....everyone sees dysfunction and the source differently. As well as some therapists are really focused on the past, others only deal with the present ("here and now"). If she has trauma issues I would find a therapist that specializes in that. Above all, stay away from life coaches.
 

decodelighted

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I worked with a wonderful LCSW named Erica Komisar in NYC - but not sure if she's still practicing.
 

AmeliaG

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Tacori E-ring|1354662841|3322605 said:
Above all, stay away from life coaches.

I'm curious, why do you say that?
 

Tacori E-ring

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AmeliaG|1354663976|3322631 said:
Tacori E-ring|1354662841|3322605 said:
Above all, stay away from life coaches.

I'm curious, why do you say that?

Anyone can be a life coach. No training needed. No License. Personally, I would not want someone with no training to deal with my mental/emotional issues.
 

azstonie

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The best therapy I had was from an MCSW, a middle-aged white guy who had treated patients previously at a large Air Force base.

The worst was from a psychiatrist---rude, dismissive, condescending. Great pedigree in Psychiatry, but burned out.
 

rubybeth

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If she's dealing with family issues, I would recommend seeing a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT). Of course a counselor or psychologist trained in family issues could also be good, but LMFTs are trained in family systems. I know, because I'm married to one. ;-)

I second the recommendation to look at providers covered by insurance, and also looking for someone you "click" with. I know many people who didn't like one of their counselors/therapists, and switched, and then was much happier. You really need to create a therapeutic relationship with whoever you're seeing, and if you don't like them, that's basically impossible.
 

Puppmom

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I agree it's about finding a good match and could be trial and error. DH sees a therapist and while he liked the first therapist he saw, it was hard to get that far. Many (in our area anyway) were not taking new patients or had office hours that were difficult to work with. Compatibility definitely doesn't seem to be about age or gender or race or religion or even personal interests so much. DH is an atheist, free spirit, creative type and he sees a middle aged, Christian, no nonsense yet compassionate woman who tells him like it is and that's what works for him.

Good luck to your friend!
 

Human Psychology

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Therapists are not just people who give you advice. Psychiatric therapy is not easy problem-solving. Treatment produces change in your life, however not mainly because of assistance you receive from the psychologist.

The eight techniques below can assist you shorten the field and select the best match for yourself.

1. Some therapists offer absolutely free consultations others charge a very little fee for a consultation. In any case it is worth spending a little $ up front to find the ideal therapist.

2. Ask friends and family. Once was, going to a psychologist has become more socially appropriate than it. Asking for assistance must not be viewed as a weakness anyway. If your friend or family want to recommend a psychologist they had a good experience with odds are they are a good therapist.

3. Many people tend to feel more comfortable with one gender or another however tend to overlook this when looking for a psychologist. And remember if you select a good therapist you may want to return to them in the future if other concerns arise so you want to be comfortable talking with them about anything.

4. An image states a thousand words. Most psychologists have images online, this can be an easy way to do a fast search and see who stands out for you.

5. I would ask myself the question, "How do I see myself working through my concern and exactly what role do I see the psychologist playing"? Some psychologist love to give homework, others like to dwell on the past and others have various styles all together. It is very important to ask the therapist how they see counseling and make sure you are OKAY with their answer and it makes sense to you.

6. Call the psychologist ahead of time. Does the therapist call you back in a timely manner? Is the psychologist kind during the phone call?

7. Where is the therapist located and exactly what hours are they available. Selecting a psychologist near to house can be appealing but selecting a good psychologist is more crucial. It might be possible to discover a therapist that you like near to your work also that can meet you right before or after your work hours or even during lunch if that is a choice for you. If you can't choose somebody you like close to your house, just don't get discouraged.

8. Consider what you will need from your psychologist ahead of time. Some psychologist offer quick phone consultations in-between sessions others do not. Be sure to have a list of important information you wish to find out about your psychologist in advance so that you can inquire during the consultation.

It has been said that the most very important factor in counseling is the therapeutic relationship or how comfy you feel with your therapist. Keep in mind if you choose your psychologist is not a good fit don't give up. Keep looking until you select a therapist you feel comfy with.
 

Calliecake

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This thread was started in 2012.
 
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