Wanting but Waiting...

[tammy77]

Well I just re-read my last post...my, my how quickly things change in the TTC communication department in my household.

I posted on the TTC thread but I warned them I'd double post. haha

Short version here:

DH and I decided for sure to try, just not until after we bought a house - so March 2012 (his version of "early summer, who knew?!". Fast forward to today. DH was talking to his mom (per my request, for her advice because we've both been pretty stressed about all of the pressure and timelines). After talking with her, we came to the realization that he and I would feel so much more comfortable with renting a bigger place for the first few years, then buying. Yes, the market is in our favor right now but the stress we'd cause ourselves overshadows that. So, we decided to put off buying a house and that's a HUGE relief.

As a side effect though, we're floundering on the topic of when we want to TTC. On one hand, the 35 year old irrational and impatient me wants to start NOW. On the other hand, I'm having major cold feet. The main reason I think that I'm ready to start now is that I think it's going to take a while. I've been on Yaz for several years and haven't had an actual period for the last year (maybe longer), plus I'm no spring chicken. So if there are complications with getting pg, or heaven forbid I mc, we'd have troubles.

Is that normal?!?! I think it is, but I'm not sure and I'd love to hear some stories from you lovely ladies!

As a side note, I'm amazed that I kept it that short, go me!

 

[amc80]

@Tammy, just answered you in TTC

AFM, as of yesterday I am officially one cycle away from TTC. I feel like a kid waiting for Christmas.

 

[tammy77]

I saw, thank you! You ARE an enabler! It would be fun to be TTC at the same time as you, but I guess I can't use that as a "pro" when I talk to my DH about it, huh? haha

ETA: I meant that in a non-creepy way, but I needed to clarify it!!

 

[amc80]

I saw, thank you! You ARE an enabler! It would be fun to be TTC at the same time as you, but I guess I can't use that as a "pro" when I talk to my DH about it, huh? haha

ETA: I meant that in a non-creepy way, but I needed to clarify it!!

Haha, probably not! Haha, and not creepy

We would actually be really close if you started next cycle, since I'm on CD1 right now and you would be right behind me. I don't usually O until CD 17 or so, so we'd really be cycle budies!

 

[tammy77]

Can't blame a girl for trying! DH isn't going for the ditch the pills now tactic, rofl. Maybe next month! I'm def ditching the pills after this next pack and temping w/use of barrier method so I'm ready to roll whenever he's okay with pulling the goalie! I'd love to start sooner but I know his reasons for wanting to wait a few months are justified and unless we have serious complications I won't regret it at all. It's really, really nice to be a little closer to the finish line (for waiting, at least!) and on similar pages with him.

 

[Echidna]

Even so, this morning I was daydreaming about finishing and publishing my novel, and then I thought "Wait! I can't have a baby! That baby is going to get in the way of my writing, damnit." So, there's still a battle of desires going on here, apparently.

Do you think this battle ever ends, Haven? Does the urge to have babies ever overtake the urge to publish/get promoted/travel/renovate/get another qualification (or all of these in my case)? I've got about two years until we TTC so I'm waiting willingly and wanting in an abstract sense...

I have no idea, but I'm going to guess that the answer is no. I imagine that once I have a child I am going to wonder why I waited, but I also have a lot of dreams and interests and passions, and I think they will always be there, as well. I made a new friend this summer who is really an inspiration to me. She has four children, the last two are twin boys, and she still manages to pursue her passions while raising really wonderful kids. She competes in marathons and even made it to Kona two years ago, and she's an amazing teacher, and she reads more books than I could ever dream of reading in a year. And the best part? Her kids are wonderful and they're a really close family. I hope to be just like her when I grow up and have children.

Some people make it look so easy, and others make it look so difficult.

Sorry, forgot to check back in here! I think you're probably right, Haven. Some people do make it look very difficult, but we should look to the positive role models instead. A close family sounds very rewarding.

Pancake, it's great to hear your thoughts from the other side. I'm glad that your perspective has shifted quite a bit so that you don't resent having to re-prioritise. It makes me more confident for when it's my turn. Thank you.

 

[MuffDog]

Hi girls I've been a WBW girl for a while but recently switched to the TTC camp. We technically started at the beginning of October and...um...





I'm still in shock because uh - I didn't even know when I was going to ovulate. I just DTD with my husband a few times when we wanted to and now...omg.

I'm pregnant.

Anyways - it is very early and you never know but I've been following the WBW team for a long time (get every post sent to my email) and didn't want to just leave.

 

[megumic]

Congrats MuffDog to you and your DH! That is so exciting! And you hardly had to try!!! Fingers crossed for a sticky bean, doubling betas and feeling good! HOORAY!

 

[Haven]

Congrats MuffDog to you and your DH! That is so exciting! And you hardly had to try!!! Fingers crossed for a sticky bean, doubling betas and feeling good! HOORAY!

What Meg said!

So excited for you, Muffdog! That is wonderful news!

 

[MuffDog]

Thanks girls We are still kind of not believing it, but my daily testing seems to keep saying I'm preggo!!

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

Hey-O, ladies.

I'm moving back to WBW... sort of?

After three months, a few BFNs and an early m/c, DH and I are no longer actively TTCing. Our plan was to try for a few cycles and then wait again until the following summer/fall so that I would not have to take six weeks off in the middle of the school year (I'm a secondary social studies teacher).

"Stopping" is more difficult than we anticipated. Our compromise is to not prevent but not try... no charting, temping, OPKs, and timing of intercourse. We're just going to "do it" when we want to and see what happens. I'm trying to get myself out of the TTC mindset (ie: Anxiously waiting for my period to (not) arrive, trying to get extra sexy-time in when I'm close to ovulation, etc) but it is a challenge.

I'm trying to focus on other things that are not baby related. I need some new hobbies... any suggestions?

 

[tammy77]

Hi PPM I'm sorry you're in the "not trying, not preventing" pool, but the stats are good that you'll get a bfp anyhow! I think it's what, 85% of people that are NTNP that get pregnant in one year?

 

[Haven]

Hey-O, ladies.

I'm moving back to WBW... sort of?

After three months, a few BFNs and an early m/c, DH and I are no longer actively TTCing. Our plan was to try for a few cycles and then wait again until the following summer/fall so that I would not have to take six weeks off in the middle of the school year (I'm a secondary social studies teacher).

"Stopping" is more difficult than we anticipated. Our compromise is to not prevent but not try... no charting, temping, OPKs, and timing of intercourse. We're just going to "do it" when we want to and see what happens. I'm trying to get myself out of the TTC mindset (ie: Anxiously waiting for my period to (not) arrive, trying to get extra sexy-time in when I'm close to ovulation, etc) but it is a challenge.

I'm trying to focus on other things that are not baby related. I need some new hobbies... any suggestions?

Hi, Pils!

Have you ever wanted to write a novel? National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) begins in two weeks!!!! The frenzy to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days will take your mind off of EVERYTHING else! We have a little PS group that's going to do it together, and the NaNo website has a ton of great resources, as well.
http://www.nanowrimo.org

If you have no interest in writing a novel, what about . . .
Drawing? Learning a new language? (I'm taking a Spanish class this semester, we could chat. Ice skating? Glass blowing? Join your local roller derby? Knitting took a crazy amount of concentration when I was first learning, that might be a good one. And just in time for winter!

 

[KittyGolightly]

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to introduce myself to this forum. DH and I got married in June after a couple years of dating cross-country. He finally leased out his house and moved into my condo last week. It's too soon to try for kids just yet (we're still unpacking his boxes!), but I'm 35 and don't want to wait too long. Maybe about a year.

MuffDog, congratulations! Very excited for you!

 

[tammy77]

Welcome! Don't be surprised if you guys inch your TTC time up! We were married on June 30th of this year and I think it was just about a month and a half ago that my DH and I were still saying about a year of WBW and we've managed to shave half of that time off to start in Feb/March (Feb!!!).

 

[KittyGolightly]

Thanks Tammy! Best of luck to you and your DH!

I hear ya - looking at nursery thread is making me irrational.

 

[megumic]

Heyo - just wanted to say we're still WBW over here. I did have a surprise pregnancy, but I've since miscarried and now have to wait a full month before TTC. What I've learned since my mc is that patience is key in all stages of preparing for a little one...something I have none of.

How is everyone elses's patience doing?

 

[tammy77]

Oh Meg I'm so sorry! I wish I could give you a real hug. Take care of yourself and I hope your wait to TTC goes by very quickly. Regarding patience, it honestly depends on what day you ask me. Some days I'm perfectly content to wait til Feb. and others I'm just annoyed and anxious, focused on the "what if I can't get pregnant or stay pregnant and waiting was a mistake" thoughts. I'd even go as far as to say I have had those feelings on the same day. Waiting to TTC is such a strange thing. I'm terrible with not being in control, having things be a mystery AND having to wait. You are right about the journey being a lesson in patience. For me it's also a lesson in having faith that things will happen when they're supposed to, but that's a hard one to swallow sometimes.

 

[KittyGolightly]

Meg, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Right now, I do feel impatient, but I know it's just not the right time yet. So in the meantime, I'm just enjoying the planning as much as possible. I get to go pick up a baby shower gift for a friend tonight, so I know I'm going to have a lot of fun checking out all the cute baby stuff!

 

[Haven]

Oh, Meg, I'm so sorry for your loss.

I came back to this thread to say that I am not officially off the fence. I want to have a baby. DH isn't totally ready at the moment, so we aren't going to TTC yet. We talked about it this weekend and he'll let me know when he's ready.

Strange how that happened . . . I was on the fence, and then *poof!*: I'm off.

 

[megumic]

Oh, Meg, I'm so sorry for your loss.

I came back to this thread to say that I am not officially off the fence. I want to have a baby. DH isn't totally ready at the moment, so we aren't going to TTC yet. We talked about it this weekend and he'll let me know when he's ready.

Strange how that happened . . . I was on the fence, and then *poof!*: I'm off.

Thanks Haven. I appreciate it. I still get sad on a regular basis and I'm thinking of what we might do to commemorate the tiny life. We were actually watching the Little Couple on TLC the other night and they found out their surrogate was pregnant, just to find out a few weeks later that they miscarried. It brought back a lot of sadness and it was the first time I sobbed about in in about two weeks. Slowly but surely we're feeling better and more positive. But I also know we're ready to try again, as once we got the green light from the Dr we went for it. She said you're more fertile post-MC, so we're hopeful. Now we're patiently waiting...

Funny how things change like the flip of a switch, right? Glad to hear you're ready! It definitely takes time and lots of thoughtfulness to know, doesn't it? Just out of curiosity, does your DH know what is holding him back? I think it's always interesting that women and men usually have very different reasons. I know my DH was worried about finances and owning a home -- providing basically. I was worried about working and being a mom -- more personal struggles come with that. In any event, I'm thrilled you're ready, Haven! Can't wait for you to join us over in TTC when your DH is ready too!

How about everyone else? Anyone else popping over to TTC in the near future???

 

[Haven]

Oh, Meg, I wish I could hug you right now. It sounds like you're coping well with the loss, and I love your upbeat attitude looking forward--that now is your most fertile time, so here's to trying. You seem to strong.

I think there are a couple things holding DH back: he's just really happy with our life exactly as it is right now. (I am, too! But now I'm suddenly seeing having a baby as something that will enrich rather than take away from our life.) He's also overwhelmed by the idea of bringing a human being into the world, and all that will entail in terms of new responsibilities and considerations. DH is definitely a planner/researcher, so this didn't surprise me. It took him nine months to buy our last television, so that's an indication of how much time he takes to consider making changes in his life.

I think he'll get there, eventually. I don't have baby fever, and it's not something I think about constantly and want to do as! soon! as! possible! (I remember when one of my friends decided she was ready, she went from 0 to 100 overnight. She was like, "It's on honey! You're either with me, or I'm finding a donor!" I don't have that going on, at least.)

My guess is that we'll start TTC sometime in the next two years. I'm a patient person, so I'm not in a rush, and the last thing I'd want would be to push DH to start TTC before he was absolutely ready. He'll come around on his own, he always does. (The man does have two dogs and three cats, for goodness sake. He had zero pets and no plans for one when I met him. )

I can't wait to hear about how things are going for you moving forward, Meg!

 

[tammy77]

Hello Ladies,

Through a not so well thought out Halloween "fun time", DH and I are currently waiting to see what happens in the next 10 days (or less, since I'm addicted to POAS). We're still in the WBW pool, just...not quite "safe" at this exact moment.

It's nerve wracking. My heart is ready NOW, DH's heart is readyish now, but he's the more responsible one between us and he's also pretty nervous since he's never even experienced a pregnancy scare, much less been a father. So lots of anxiety in our household and some emotional upset on my part. I'm saddened by the thought that I might miss out on the actual excitement of waiting to find out if I'm pregnant because of the situation w/DH but I'm sure no matter what we'll be fine. He'll be happy if I am pregnant, and happy if I'm not because he really wants us to have an official TTC start in March (yes, only 3-4 months from now). It's hard for me to understand, but I'm trying!

It seems like almost unanimous that it's the guys that need more time to catch up with the women. I find it pretty interesting since we're the ones that actually experience immediate changes (m/s, fatigue, etc. etc.). Strange and interesting!

 

[aviastar]

I am making a go at reviving this thread!

DH and I have been together 3.5 years, were married about 6 months ago. We initially said we would wait a year after the wedding and re-visit the topic- but I can't wait that long! We've moved up 'discussing' to Feb '13 (Feb. 7, to be exact ) and I have already told him that 'discussing' equals 'starting' in my mind and he is supporting me in a 'starting in the spring' timeline, although I think he hopes that will be March, or April, or May and not February! We'll see. I'm 29 now and will be 30 in Feb; I want more than 2, so I don't want to wait to start!

Anyone else in a similar boat and care to discuss?

 

[megumic]

Revived!

I had actually forgotten about this thread! I think most of us who were initially here have either had babies, gotten pregnant or are currently ttc. I know my LO is just three months old, but I'm already wanting but waiting for #2!!! Am I crazy?

Aviasar, feb is just around the corner and will be here before you know it. If you plan to start trying then. It's time to think about prenatals now!

 

[aviastar]

Revived!

I had actually forgotten about this thread! I think most of us who were initially here have either had babies, gotten pregnant or are currently ttc. I know my LO is just three months old, but I'm already wanting but waiting for #2!!! Am I crazy?

Aviasar, feb is just around the corner and will be here before you know it. If you plan to start trying then. It's time to think about prenatals now!

Would taking pre-natals interact with my BC at all, or be negated by taking the BC? I would probably have to not make a big deal out of taking them; DH's eyes would fall out of his head!

And no, not crazy! I was just talking to a friend of mine who has an 8mo. old LO and she is already seriously trying to talk her husband into trying for #2. You never really know until you are living with kids, I guess, but I think I don't want to wait too long in between, either. I think I would like to tackle diapers in one go and be finished ASAP!

My sister is due with #2 (a baby girl ), also in Feb. Her son is only 18 mos.-this little girl was something of a surpise! I can't wait to be able to get all the little cousins together and I love thinking they will all be so close in age.

Oh, and now that Pintrest has secret boards, I am addicted to the baby stuff!

 

[amc80]

Aviastar- prenatal s are just normal multi vitamins with extra folic acid. So feel free to take them while on BC.

Mega- yes, you're crazy. I had a dream last night that I was 11 weeks preggo and woke up in a total panic. The original plan was to wait a year or so before we try for #2. Right now the thought of going through pregnancy and delivery and newborns again stresses me out. Maybe once B is sleeping through the night I might feel differently. Maybe not.

 

[bobbin]

Meg - I'm with AMC on this one!! The idea of 2 under 2, or even 2 under 3 scares the bejeezus out of me. But you know, 'people vary' and all that, for some people 2 under 2 is what they have always wanted.

I actually freaked myself out the other week and took a HPT - I was peeing a LOT, C was fussy when feeding and I though, what if.... Lucky it was a BFN.

 

[nysurg]

I am glad to see this thread back...I am a lurker and this has brought me out...

DH and I have been married 5 yrs and we did actually TTC without luck last year but then I found out in January of that I will be deployed. I am due to be back in Aug so we have plans to actively TTC since I will be 36. During this deployment I am trying to get myself in prime TTC condition by losing weight and taking my prenatals as well as tracking cycles. Another advice?

nysurg

 

[amc80]

I am glad to see this thread back...I am a lurker and this has brought me out...

DH and I have been married 5 yrs and we did actually TTC without luck last year but then I found out in January of that I will be deployed. I am due to be back in Aug so we have plans to actively TTC since I will be 36. During this deployment I am trying to get myself in prime TTC condition by losing weight and taking my prenatals as well as tracking cycles. Another advice?

nysurg

I'd use OPKs as well. They will help you to determine when you are most likely ovulating.