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Valentines day proposal

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scoutZor

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Hey guys, i have been wit my girl for over 7 months and on valentines day, it will be 8 1/2 months.. my idea is to propose to her on valentines day... we have talked about it several times, and the both of us are all for the idea. yea i am only 16, but as i told her mother, and mine... its not like we are gettin married yet.. i was curious about your opinions on the subject.. like where i should do it, wha time of day.. etc... i have included a link to the pic of the ring for those who want to see it. the specs are also listed below the picture.

http://www.nobooshit.com/pics/ring123.JPG

Please post your responses and opinions
 

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ashbeth602

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Sep 17, 2004
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Well, about 6 months ago, I would have said go for it. You see, I am 19 years old and had been with my boyfriend for 4 years. However, 6 months ago, he just "changed his mind". He just said it was because of personal reasons. He was only 20 at the time and I was only 18. At first, I was absolutely heartbroken. We had already picked out the ring and I was scouting out places to have the wedding.

All I am saying is be careful. Protect yourself first. You are still young, as am I. I don''t want to judge you and I hope you don''t think that I am. I certainly don''t know your situation. So much can change literally overnight. Make sure you have thought about it and know what you are getting into.

Good luck!
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captainahab

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Yeah, be careful. Things can change overnight as ashbeth602 says, but more importantly, things can change over a year, or when you go to college, or when you have your own place, or...

I won''t beat around the bush, I had a serious girlfriend of 3 years in high school (I''m in my 20''s now) and we thought we''d get married. But things did change. We still get along just fine, but we weren''t made for each other.

Basically, being together for a lifetime is a long time (especially when you''re only 16). There''s no rush to get married. Give it another year at least. I would say wait until you''re done with high school actually. If you''re still together, then pop the question. It doesn''t hurt to wait, it will only make your bond stronger, you''ll be more ready. And if it doesn''t work out (hopefully it will, but if it doesn''t...) well, you''ve saved yourself a lifetime''s worth of headaches.
 

qtiekiki

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I don''t think you should propose just yet at the age of 16. At that early in your life, you have many more experiences that you haven''t go through as an individual. Things will change (not implying that your feelings for each other will change), so make the proposal into a promise, and spend more time getting to know each other and to realize the reality of marriage.
 

Queenofhearts

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How about doing a promise-ring type pre-engagement. If you guys are meant to be it will still happen in a couple of years, but solidfy your relationship before taking that leap. The vows still say till death do we part. I wish the best of luck to you both.
 

Newfeeflip

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I agree with everyone else - you have to be careful. You are still VERY young and as you know things change. I also agree with Queenofhearts. Make it a promise ring. That way you can still profess your love to your significant other, but with less pressure.
 

BLINGQUEEN

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HAVE YOU BOUGHT THE RING YET? IF NOT I WOULD GO WITH SOMETHING SMALLER AND DO THE PROMISE RING THING. TAKE OUR ADVICE PLEASE. YOU COULD PLACE THE RING IN THE MIDDLE OF A ROSE OR DANGLE IT FROM A STUFFED ANIMAL. YOU COULD BE ENGAGED TO BE ENGAGED. PLEASE TAKE YOUR TIME. YOU ARE WISE TO ASK FOR ADVISE. THE RING IS LOVELY BY THE WAY.
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wcitygirl

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1) The ring is really pretty.

2) How long of an engagment would you have exactly?

3) Let me tell you a story. I dated this guy, we''ll call him Steve, all through high school. I thought he was my SOULMATE. Well, Steve and I broke up when I was about 18 and he was 21 -- we were devastated thinking that this was for SURE the people we were to marry. Anyway, about two years ago (I was 24), I was having a streak of horrible luck with guys, so I decided to call all my ex-boyfriends (like John Cusack in High Fidelity). I called Steve and I was horrified to realize that we had both changed so dramatically -- while we both had very slight differences of opinion and values in high school (and thus were very compatible), through our experiences those very small differences were now huge. So much so, that I could barely tolerate talking to him -- I was so annoyed by him.

I don''t know what your relationship is like and I don''t doubt your intensity and commitment to this relationship, but please realize that you grow SO much during your 20s. And, sometimes people grow together and that''s wonderful, but that''s not always the case. And, perhaps a promise ring would be better.

THAT SAID. I really like the ring and I''m sure she would like it as well. I would do something that is meaningful to you -- like where you had your first date, or a place that is "yours." I''m a huge fan of candlelight. (Plus, everyone looks better by candlelight!) Best of luck!!!
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onedrop

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I noticed that your post asked how you should propose, not whether to propose. So it seems you are concrete about asking your girlfriend to marry you. Like everyone else has said, you are very young, and marriage is a big step. Have you considered where you would live, and when you would have kids and all that? These are some questions you two should get the answers to before you pop the question. I remember being 16, and thinking I knew all there was to know about relationships, when the truth is, I had a lot of growing and maturing to do. I am now in my 30''s and I can''t imagine being married at your age.

I say if you really love her, give her the ring as a "promise ring" as another poster suggested. And if your feelings are still the same after a couple of years after you finish high school, then by all means, forge ahead. Taking her out for a nice dinner is a great way to give her the promise ring.

Good Luck!!
 

wcitygirl

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If we''re discussing topics that should probably be discussed by those thinking of marriage, I would put finances at the top of the list. I think I''ve heard that that is one of the most argued over topics in a marriage. You should probably make sure you''re both on the same page regarding how your money will be spent.
 

appletini

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I''m very happy for you that you are very much in love, but 16 is an extremely early age to engaged even with a super long engagement. A promise ring will be more than sufficient enough to express your intentions.

Both of you will experience so much personal growth in the next few years. Going from high school to college is a very big transition. Not to mention what if the colleges both of you want to go to aren''t close to each other--long distance is very hard. The two of you need to think about what you want in life in terms of goals and things like that.

I''m not saying that this young lady isn''t your soul mate, but both of you will grow and change a lot in the upcoming years. I had the same boyfriend from 12th grade through college and about a year after graduation (total 5.5 years). He was perfect for me when I was 18, but as we grew up (even attending the same college), we grew in different directions with different priorities and different types of friends, etc. I''m 25 now and am so different that I was in high school. Not to mention when I think about all the guys that I have dated in the last 10 years, I''m so glad that I didn''t marry any of them, and now have found the most wonderful man ever!
 

scoutZor

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Jan 6, 2005
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I have to say thank you for all your opinions. Yes i am dead set on asking her. Some of you said we are too young to be married, well once again, we arent getting married, but only engaged. A lot of people say thats a big step also, but i dont see it as one. Yes i see being engaged as a big thing, and i believe it would be perfect for the situation.yes we have discussed when we will get married, where we will live, what jobs we will have, and when we will have kids. This was all talked out between us over the last 7 months. i even brought up the topics again to see where she stands on it. Taking her out to dinner is an iffy topic, since it would require a ride there, a ride back, and hopefully no arguments with her parents throughout all of it.i spoke to her mother about this several times, and she has told me she doesnt mind the idea, as long as we wait to get married and as long as it is something i want to do and no one is forcing me to do it. On that note, i just want to say this is something that just popped into my head as an idea. No one told me i had to do it, and no one suggested it to me. I questioned her on the idea and she likes it as much as i do. This thread was just to get the opinions of older people who have hopefully been in the situation. I have read all your posts over and over again, and have considered each one. i do feel bad for those of you who had a boyfriend/girlfriend who you thought would be your soulmate and it didnt work out, but i truely believe that she is the one. Both of our families get along, we both get along with eachothers family, but most of all, we get along with eachother. Its like everything we do, we want to do it with eachother. Yea, we have had our little arguments like every couple does, but it seems like no matter how serious, or how small they are, we overcome them. Nothing has stopped us so far, and i dont beileve anything will. As for the financial end, she has a job, unfortunatly i do not. I am getting a job though. We have talked about how the money would be spent. We have talked about how our house will look, what kind of cars we will have, basicaly everything financial, we have spoken about. But once again, i appreciate your time to write to me and let me know your thoughts...

Sincerly,
scoutZor
 
Joined
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this is something that just popped into my head as an idea.
I don''t want to sound condescending, but to be honest, I am a little worried by this... being engaged is a very big commitment, not something one should take lightly. I would agree with the person who suggested a promise ring instead, you could be engaged to be engaged, it still shows your commitment to each other. plus, you will have much more autonomy when you do propose. but if you do decide to get engaged, I wish you a lifetime of happiness together
 

qtiekiki

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Date: 1/11/2005 4:26:55 PM
Author: scoutZor
On that note, i just want to say this is something that just popped into my head as an idea. No one told me i had to do it, and no one suggested it to me. I questioned her on the idea and she likes it as much as i do.
I agree with diamondgeezer, that engagement just popped into your head seems like you haven''t thought about it enough, and the fact that you have to question her on the idea means that you don''t know for sure if she even feels the same way, so obviously you two don''t communicate or haven''t speak about engagement enough to be engaged.


i do feel bad for those of you who had a boyfriend/girlfriend who you thought would be your soulmate and it didnt work out, but i truely believe that she is the one. Both of our families get along, we both get along with eachothers family, but most of all, we get along with eachother. Its like everything we do, we want to do it with eachother. Yea, we have had our little arguments like every couple does, but it seems like no matter how serious, or how small they are, we overcome them. Nothing has stopped us so far, and i dont beileve anything will.
There''s no need to feel bad for us who didn''t end up with our hs bf/gf because we don''t feel bad as you can tell from our posts. We went onto bigger and better things. We end up with our wonderful FI/husband/wife. No one is doubting your relationship, and no one was doubting their hs relationships but people change when they go to college, etc. I am glad that you believe in your relationship.

I know that you already made up your mind and although I still feel like you haven''t experience enough to take such a big commitment, best of luck to both of you.
 

JimDiamond

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Joined
Jun 26, 2004
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Well you''re definitely ahead of the game in terms of how a typical 16 year old thinks. You have thought this through more than most. Being 38 and just about to get married for the first time, the idea of getting married at 16 or even 18 terrifies me. Nonetheless since you are dead set on it and since you are making a serious attempt to think things through carefully, what I think is in order for you is a long (or indefinite) engagement. There''s a lot of change that will occur for both of you in the next few years. There is nothing wrong with staying together and devoted for a few years more as an engaged couple. There are people who marry their high school sweethearts and stay married for life--the odds are just against it. So go ahead and get engaged if that''s your wish, but plan to wait a while to get married. The world isn''t going anywhere. You guys have major educational and financial considerations to conquer still. Is one or both of you going to college? That results in tons of change. If you''re not, what kind of training or job(s) are you considering? My advice...Plan on a long engagement. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose. If you truly are meant for each other and you get married at 20 instead of 16 I guarantee you won''t be lying on your death bed at 87 years old, saying "If only I had gotten married at 16 my life would have been so much better...Good luck.
 

PrincessBride

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Jan 11, 2005
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7 months! You're still in your honeymoon phase of your relationship. You guys haven't even been in a relationship rut yet.

No offense, but you sound very naive. Since you don't have a job, I don't even understand where you're getting the money to sport an engagement ring. My bf is 28 and has an master's degree and he finds it awfully hard to buy my engagement ring (I'm not even asking for a carat) and buy his dream car. We're talking about not knowing where we're gonna live cuz we don't want to live with our parents. We don't want to rent cuz we can put the money towards mortgage. We don't have money for a down payment significant enough to put a dent in our monthly payments.

Once you get engaged, you'll be so tempted to get married. We just shopped for a ring and he hasn't even proposed yet and I'm already making my wedding plans and booking appointments.

You guys haven't even gone to college yet. People change when they are in college. Why do you need to be engaged to prove your undying love or promise. My bf and I dated for over 7 years without even a promise ring or any ring for that matter. We're still together and finally managed to move to the next step, engagement. What happens down the line when it doesn't work out...she pockets the ring and you're out a few grand.

At least wait til about 3 years of being together before you give her the engagement ring. I hate to say this, but it's for your own good.
 

scoutZor

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Joined
Jan 6, 2005
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ok, when i said it just popped into my head, i dont mean it jus popped into my head an here i am asking about it, it popped into my head the day i actually sat down to think about things almost 2 months ago... i didnt exactly question her on it either, i more-or-less hinted on the topic, and we talked about it... she plans on goign to college as a RN (registered nurse) while i either join the Marines, or join Engine City Technical Institute... as for the money for the ring, that isnt a problem considering my grandfather is a multimillionaire... he owns 12 houses in Florida and i talked it out with him, he is willing to lend me the money for it, if i come to visit him over the summer and bring her with me.. i takled to her parents about that also, they agreed to it..
 

JimDiamond

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Jun 26, 2004
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You know what PrincessBride has a point. I missed the 7 months part. I was thinking you'd been together for at least a couple of years. Of course that would still mean that you were 14 when you started dating. In truth I wouldn't suggest that even someone in their 30's get engaged at 7 months. From my research the minimum advisable time between first date and wedding date is one year, but 1-1/2 to 2 years is definitely better.

I'm so glad that you are happy, but the world will wait for you. Nothing is lost by taking life one day at a time, enjoying it and making these big committments several years down the road. I think a promise ring would be more than enough at this point. Of course people your age (this is not intended to be offensive because we've all been there) are both immortal and certain of everything. As you get a little older you begin to realize that a lot of things we were absolutely certain about turned out to be wrong and that we don't always know what to expect. In any event I wish you the best of luck.

It's a compliment to you that you sought advice in the first place. I hope you'll think about what we've said here and just give yourselves time. No one says you have to break up. Stay together enjoy each other and see what happens.
 

PrincessBride

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Scout,

It''s great that your grandfather is a multi-millionaire, but he''s is only LOANING you the money, not GIVING it to you. If you have to depend on other people for your finances, it only shows that you are even more NOT ready for the big world out there.

My bf''s father is a doctor, a dean, and a profession at a University. He is on the board of directors of an Eastern medicine association. His family is full of scholars and businessman, but when it comes down to our future, it''s to each his own. Sure, we''ll get money for our wedding, but how much? No one''s gonna give you money the rest of your life.

My friend got married start out of high school at 18. She said she was in love and it felt right. She didn''t get to go to school and become a registered nurse until after they got divorce a year later. Her ex-husband joined the marines shortly after. She''s 26 years today and wouldn''t even think about getting married til she can make it on her own.

I don''t understand how her parents would agree to this unless she''s traditional Asian. As in Asian custom, you get engaged before you date.

If you''re gonna go through with this, do you have a backup plan in case your "plan" doesn''t work out? You can''t expect it to happen the way it works out in your head. My bf and I are blessed with decent jobs right now, but if either one of us quit, get laid off, or fired...we have our rainy day fund. It is very important to have this. Keep a rainy day fund of at least 6 months salary. That''s my best advice for you right now.
 

BLINGQUEEN

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Joined
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Messages
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UMMMMMM...YOU WANT TO GET ENGAGED YET YOU DON''T HAVE ANY FORM OF TRANSPORTATION??????????
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WHAT AGE DO YOU HAVE TO BE IN YOUR STATE TO GET A DRIVERS LICENSE? ALSO, HAVING A BUDGET IS GREAT, I HAVE ONE TOO. HAVE YOU BUDGETED FOR OH... I DON''T KNOW, A LEAKEY ROOF, A FLAT TIRE, A CHILD, INCREASES IN ELECTICITY OR WATER, RENT INCREASE, LOOSING YOUR JOB DUE TO COMPANY DOWNSIZING, A TREE FALLING ON YOUR CAR?????????????????????
PLUS THE FACT THAT YOU DON''T HAVE A JOB AND YOUR LETTING YOUR FAMILY PAY FOR THINGS WOULD GET YOU A BIG FAT NO FROM ME IF I WERE YOUR GIRLFRIEND. AND IF YOUR MOMMY DOES TAKE YOU OUT TO DINNER, WHO WILL PAY??
 

JimDiamond

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Those who have responded are all older than 16. We''ve experienced or seen experiences in friends and family over the years that help us realize the folly of this young couple''s plans. But he''s shown considerable maturity by participating in a discussion here. We all know we''re right, but I think we should be as gentle as possible if we wish to have in impact on his thinking. If we attack him then he will simply leave and receive no message that will give him something to think about and refine his plans.
 

PaulaW

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As always, Jim hits the nail square on the head.
I think what some of us are missing is the intensity of feelings at the age of 16. I think what we are dealing with is a caring, intelligent, very much in love guy.
ScoutZor, what peaks my curiousity is why you felt the need to justify that you''re only 16 and you''ve convinced your moms that you''ll wait, etc., instead of just telling us about your girl and what she''s like. I think deep down, you might already know that you''re a little young for such a huge step, maybe I''m wrong. One thing to consider is how different you two will be in 6 months, or year, or even in 10 years. I think it''s very possible you can grow together. My husband and I did — we met at 18, started dating at 19, and got married 10 years later. However, one major difference is we both experienced a LOT before we made such a huge commitment. You may feel tied down and unable to do a lot of things by being engaged so young.
Either way, I wish you the best of luck and hope everything works out the way you hope. Your ring is beautiful and I think a cute idea for a Valentine''s Day proposal would be to buy a heart shaped box of chocolates and replace the center chocolate with the ring.
Best wishes to you!
 
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Date: 1/12/2005 6:44
6.gif
1 PM
Author: scoutZor
ok, when i said it just popped into my head, i dont mean it jus popped into my head an here i am asking about it, it popped into my head the day i actually sat down to think about things almost 2 months ago...
ok, well that is good to hear! sorry! maybe you are more mature than people assume (I know I was when I was 16) but do you think your friends or classmates are as mature or ready to make such a lifelong commitment? that is why people are a little wary. could you not wait for maybe a year or so? propose when you are in college, on valentines day 2008. or why not wait even just a few more months? you could propose on your 1year anniversary? that will be a very special time and it is not much further away.


as for the money for the ring, that isnt a problem considering my grandfather is a multimillionaire... he owns 12 houses in Florida and i talked it out with him, he is willing to lend me the money for it, if i come to visit him over the summer and bring her with me
I don''t want to sound snotty or condescending, but I would not want to borrow money for the ring. I want to know that it is paid off, not for any financial reasons, but because it is a statement of my love, I want it to be fully paid for and hers forever. I just don''t like the idea of loaning money for the e-ring. I am not some rich guy, far from it! I am a poor student, I am working a minimum wage job (was doing 23 hours last semester, will probably be doin 40 hrs this semester) so that I have the money to pay for the nicest engagement ring that I can afford. to be honest, I think it is the sacrifice, the hard work and the effort that makes the ring special.
 

qtiekiki

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Date: 1/12/2005 7:57:51 PM
Author: PrincessBride
I don''t understand how her parents would agree to this unless she''s traditional Asian. As in Asian custom, you get engaged before you date.
I don''t like the sound of this... too much generalization, almost stereotyping. Other than that, I agree with everything else you said.
 

GETanEDGE

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jan 5, 2005
Messages
48
I think being 16 and 18 are two completely different worlds. I had a girlfriend when I was 16 and I was sure I''d stay with her forever. We graduated high school and managed to date through 3 years of college, and then all the sudden it was over. Regardless of how mature you think you may be right now at the tender age of 16 you have no idea how your live will change over the next 5 years. You will experience hundreds of different things and meet tons of new people who will help shape and mold you into something that will probably be a lot different than you are right now. I would highly advise against doing anything sooo ludicrous regarless of how strong your feelings might be for this girl. You don''t have a job, you don''t have a degree, you don''t have a house, you can''t even afford the ring in the first place, so why do it? Furthermore, what is the rush? As good as the relationship might be right now, chances are it won''t be so good another 8 months from now, but you could always prove me wrong. Just out of curiosity, is this your 1st relationship?

Personally, if you have expectations of going to college I wouldn''t want to make that jump from high school with a wedding ring on my finger. You''re gonna meet a ton of women so hold off. If this girl is truly the one, then you''ll be able to tell from your experiences with other people. She''ll stand out and you''ll never be able to forget about her. You owe it to yourself to live your life freely and not jump into decisions that you will regret at such a young age.

I wish you the best of luck and encourage you to keep sharing your feelings with people on this board because they will help you to put things in perspective.
 

PrincessBride

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Joined
Jan 11, 2005
Messages
35
Qtiekiki, I am Asian and my parents are very traditional. They think that it ruins a girls reputation by being seen in public with a man who''s not her bethrothed.

I started dating my bf when I was 20 and we''ve been together for 7 years. We just got engaged.

BlingQueen is too funny, but she does make a lot of sense. So does everyone else.

Scout, we''re not trying to attack you and some of us aren''t that much older than you. But we''ve been there and we''ve experienced things you haven''t. I know you don''t like to hear any of this because it''s discouraging, but it''s the truth. It''s not going to hurt you to wait a little longer.

Just curious Scout, if you planned on being engaged this year, how long an engagement will it be before getting married?
 

qtiekiki

Ideal_Rock
Joined
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Messages
3,880
I am Asian too and my parents are somewhat traditional because I wasn''t suppose to have a bf until I was out of college. Anyways, it was more like marry the guy you date at my house. My mom hated it when I was dating around.
 

onedrop

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 24, 2006
Messages
2,216
Jim and PaulaW are right. At 16 romantic feelings are very intense, and telling someone that age to slow down and think about the future pretty much guarantees and acceleration of their feelings. I know this is true because I was the same way. Any guy that my parents didn''t like...I was more determined to be with after they expressed their disagreement. Any situation that I was sternly told to avoid, I went after with gusto.

Scout has obviously thought this thing through (unlike a lot of us at 16), which is very mature, and feels ready to be committed. With any hope, if he does become engaged, that he and is girlfriend will have a LONG engagement.
 

Queenofhearts

Rough_Rock
Joined
Sep 10, 2004
Messages
42
I understand about being in love and the intense emotional feelings that are attached. Everyone on this thread has provided you some sound advice, but honestly you are going to have to make your own choices. Time will tell how solid your relationship is going to be, and what type of foundation that you laid for you and your significant other. I wish you nothing but the best of luck. Take your time and don''t become a statistic.

Take Care
 

PrincessBride

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jan 11, 2005
Messages
35
Sorry y''all, but I disagree with those who thinks that Scout is mature and has thought the situation through. Can anyone care to enlighten me on what he has thought through? The only thing they''ve thought through is getting jobs. They have not considered the cost of living or other issues that may arise. They haven''t even seen or used a credit card yet. Boy, those are so easy to get and so hard to get rid of. (Believe, I know. I got into them when I was 19. Figured I can pay it off with my wonderful job after I graduate from college. It''s been 2 years after college and I''ve been working as an import coordinator/graphics designer/product developer/buyer/marketing and trade show coordinator for 4 years. I''ve been putting my whole paycheck into my credit card, my car, and my cell phone since 19 years of age. Luckily, I''ll finally be debt free by summer and can start saving for my furture.) That''s only the beginning of financial burdens. Being Asian, but parents will always support me for as long as I need--no payment required.







 
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