comments about my weight

[kenny]

. . . "I HAVE NO IDEA WHY YOU'RE SO THIN. YOU SHOULD WEIGH 500 POUNDS." ...

I'd reply, 'I don't weigh 500 pounds because I don't just eat; I poop too."

 

[Echidna]

Whether I'm overweight or not -- I'm up & down -- some people greet me every time they see me with, "Have you lost weight?" Usually in the middle of a crowd, so I'm suddenly the center of attention as I think about my spare tire & reply that I weigh the same as last time they saw me. I JUST HATE IT.

And this is why I will NEVER comment on anyone's weight. I have two friends that have lost over 20kg each and I did not say a thing. No one wants the skinny bitch commenting on their weight, even if it's intended to be complimentary.

I hate people commenting on my (lack of) weight. It's genetic, so I don't have a huge amount of control over it. When I'm stressed, I lose weight very quickly, and when my BMI is already low that is genuinely concerning! It's also not an attractive look. No one wants to look like they'll blow over in a stiff wind

The best thing I ever did though was go shopping with one of my heavier friends. She took me to one of her favourite stores where I swooned over everything but did not buy a stitch. When she asked me why, I had to tell her that none of it fit because it was designed for curvy ladies like her It gave her a new perspective on being skinny: the clothes don't fit any better and you still have to shop your body type.

 

[justginger]

Comments regarding personal appearance are never acceptable.

I have also spent my entire life being labelled "skinny" and being told to "eat a cheeseburger, you waif." Unfortunately for my actual health, I've consumed my FAIR SHARE of cheeseburgers. If, in the past, I have ever suggested that such comments were insulting, I was further degraded by being told that I had NO IDEA what it was like to be insulted, like "only fat girls do." So I hold my tongue and push the focus elsewhere...by telling them that my mother went through her entire first pregnancy without breaking 100 lbs, so I surely got it from her. Deflecting, it works.

 

[iheartscience]

. . . "I HAVE NO IDEA WHY YOU'RE SO THIN. YOU SHOULD WEIGH 500 POUNDS." ...

I'd reply, 'I don't weigh 500 pounds because I don't just eat; I poop too."

But I'm a lady-of COURSE I don't poop!

 

[junebug17]

I've seen people make these comments to thin people, and I have to say it never really sounds like a compliment. And to make matters worse, the person making the comment tries to appear to be complimenting the person, when in reality there's an underlying nastiness. Exactly what people are saying here - things like "oh my God, you're soooo skinny! Don't you EVER eat?" I think it's mean and I can see where it would be extremely annoying to the thin person.

 

[Begonia]

Comments regarding personal appearance are never acceptable.

I have also spent my entire life being labelled "skinny" and being told to "eat a cheeseburger, you waif." Unfortunately for my actual health, I've consumed my FAIR SHARE of cheeseburgers. If, in the past, I have ever suggested that such comments were insulting, I was further degraded by being told that I had NO IDEA what it was like to be insulted, like "only fat girls do." So I hold my tongue and push the focus elsewhere...by telling them that my mother went through her entire first pregnancy without breaking 100 lbs, so I surely got it from her. Deflecting, it works.

I've seen people make these comments to thin people, and I have to say it never really sounds like a compliment. And to make matters worse, the person making the comment tries to appear to be complimenting the person, when in reality there's an underlying nastiness. Exactly what people are saying here - things like "oh my God, you're soooo skinny! Don't you EVER eat?" I think it's mean and I can see where it would be extremely annoying to the thin person.

Yup, and yup. Been there, oh, sometimes twice a week.

I am, for the most part, happy to be thin however. There are drawbacks to all body sizes and shapes, and being thin has it's drawbacks too.

I find many body sizes very pleasing/beautiful/sexy. The picture of the more medium size ladies shows some beautiful bodies. As Echidna said, those lovely gals can wear clothes that would be very unflattering on me. Don't get me started about breasts

 

[stargurl78]

I am with ya on this and I get so tired of comments about my weight. I am on the thin side but my BMI and weight fall in the normal ranges and I do have curves, I'm definitely not a "stick", so I just don't get it. I have been thin my whole life and most of my family is thin. I don't mind if the comments aren't negative, like one lady at work tells me I can wear anything and she wishes she was thin like me. While I don't love comments about my weight in general, that is a compliment so I have no issue with that. But when you tell me I need to eat a cheeseburger or ask me if I eat, I think that's rude. I wouldn't tell somebody they don't need to eat that cheeseburger so I don't see why the reverse is ok. Or when people say "why the heck do you go to the gym? you're already in shape!". I'm in shape because I work out moron!!!

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to be thin and I realize that many people struggle to lose weight. I just think that comments about weight (no matter what size a person is) should be avoided.

 

[Haven]

. . . "I HAVE NO IDEA WHY YOU'RE SO THIN. YOU SHOULD WEIGH 500 POUNDS." ...

I'd reply, 'I don't weigh 500 pounds because I don't just eat; I poop too."

Okay, can everyone PLEASE adopt this as your retort of choice? PUHLEASE?!?!?!?!

 

[Haven]

I'm not very thin, so I don't get these comments.

However, like everyone, I have gotten inappropriate comments from people in the past. After teaching for several years I've learned that we do have *some* control over how comfortable or uncomfortable others are saying inappropriate things to us. A lot of it has to do with demeanor and non-verbal messages that we send. I'm not even sure I could describe it, but think about the people you encounter regularly. You must know certain people you could NEVER imagine being the recipient of unwanted comments about their appearance. It isn't because they make regular statements, "THOU SHALT NOT BE INAPPROPRIATE WITH ME." It's because of their demeanor, and the messages they send to others.

For example: Nowadays, I very rarely have behavior problems in my classroom, and students certainly never speak to me in an inappropriate manner. Eight years ago? Oh, man. I had an end-of-the-day high school freshman English class that was the stuff of nightmares. But in reality, I cannot imagine having a class of students behave like that for me now or in the future.

Similarly, I'm sure we all know THAT girl who used to (or still does) complain that she can't go ANYWHERE without being hit on. It's SO BAD that she had to wear a fake engagement ring out to bars to avoid the terrible, horrible men who couldn't help but hit on her. Um, no. We all know that these people are sending out the "Talk to me and you'll get a special prize" signals, whether they care to admit it or not.

Perhaps, in some cases, those of you suffering from these ridiculous, insensitive, rude comments from people could fend some of them off by changing your demeanor a bit. Especially with people who are regulars in your life. I am NOT saying you're inviting these comments, by the way, before anyone gets all upset. But I do think we send pretty clear messages to others about what is and isn't appropriate, and when we suffer from inappropriate comments, though they're never our fault, it's in our best interest to figure out whether we could change something about the way we interact with the offenders to stave off future insensitive comments.

Of course, there's always an odd *sshat or two running around, and they'll never *get* the message. And frankly I think most middle- and high school offenders are beyond reason. But for the general population, I think we might be able to exert more control over the things others feel comfortable saying or doing to us than we give ourselves credit for.

It's definitely something to think about if you suffer from these sorts of comments often. I have a good friend who is clinically underweight, and has been under a doctor's care for years for it. She got so many hurtful comments when we were younger, and then sometime around our mid-twenties she decided that she wasn't going to put up with it anymore, and worked in earnest to change the way she behaved around people to make it clear that comments about her body would not be tolerated. (edited to add This had been an enormous issue in her life for years, it was very traumatic for her to experience. I was so proud of her when she had this breakthrough, and she has been much happier ever since. I know many of the posters here aren't suffering to that extent, but I thought this was a story worth sharing.

 

[purselover]

I was actually made fun of constantly in middle school and high school for being so thin, so I feel you! I still get strange comments from time to time, and I'm not even close to as thin I was! A coworker saw me heating up left over pad Thai for lunch a few months ago and was like "I HAVE NO IDEA WHY YOU'RE SO THIN. YOU SHOULD WEIGH 500 POUNDS." Ummmm I don't eat pad Thai for every meal, and I exercise, but thanks?

I get this ALL the time and it is so annoying! I have friends who just have to comment that I should be fat if they see me eat dessert.....hello I have dessert like once a week and I run a ridiculous amount, so no I should not be fat thank you mind your business

 

[rubybeth]

I, too, have been on the thin side for most of my life, and got comments when I was a teenager/college age about being 'skinny' or 'scrawny.' I would have LOVED to have a B-cup back then, but was it up to me? Or was it my crazy thin genetics from my 95 lb. grandmother? Either way, not something people should comment on to a very young woman, or ANY person.

Now, I don't get so many comments about being too skinny since I have filled out by age 30 (yay!), but people do say things when I turn down a brownie or forego a 2nd slice of pizza, like "Oh, you don't need to watch what you eat, you're so skinny!" or I say I need to get to the gym after work, and people look at me like I have 2 heads. And I just think, yeah, because I *do* watch what I eat and work out and care about my HEALTH not my dress size. I just say things like, "Oh, I just find I'm much less stressed after I work out" or "Sometimes junk food gives me headaches, so it's not worth it even if the calories don't matter" or something similar to get the focus off my body and onto something else.

And I think me saying something back that turns the issue on its head helps people to think about diet and exercise differently than JUST society's 'I need to be thin to be happy' message, and on the fact that there are plenty of good reasons to take care of yourself that have nothing to do with how you look... like avoiding Type 2 diabetes... or knee problems... or food sensitivities/allergies... you get the idea.

 

[Begonia]

I, too, have been on the thin side for most of my life, and got comments when I was a teenager/college age about being 'skinny' or 'scrawny.' I would have LOVED to have a B-cup back then, but was it up to me? Or was it my crazy thin genetics from my 95 lb. grandmother? Either way, not something people should comment on to a very young woman, or ANY person.

Now, I don't get so many comments about being too skinny since I have filled out by age 30 (yay!), but people do say things when I turn down a brownie or forego a 2nd slice of pizza, like "Oh, you don't need to watch what you eat, you're so skinny!" or I say I need to get to the gym after work, and people look at me like I have 2 heads. And I just think, yeah, because I *do* watch what I eat and work out and care about my HEALTH not my dress size. I just say things like, "Oh, I just find I'm much less stressed after I work out" or "Sometimes junk food gives me headaches, so it's not worth it even if the calories don't matter" or something similar to get the focus off my body and onto something else.

And I think me saying something back that turns the issue on its head helps people to think about diet and exercise differently than JUST society's 'I need to be thin to be happy' message, and on the fact that there are plenty of good reasons to take care of yourself that have nothing to do with how you look... like avoiding Type 2 diabetes... or knee problems... or food sensitivities/allergies... you get the idea.

 

[Circe]

I'm not very thin, so I don't get these comments.

However, like everyone, I have gotten inappropriate comments from people in the past. After teaching for several years I've learned that we do have *some* control over how comfortable or uncomfortable others are saying inappropriate things to us. A lot of it has to do with demeanor and non-verbal messages that we send. I'm not even sure I could describe it, but think about the people you encounter regularly. You must know certain people you could NEVER imagine being the recipient of unwanted comments about their appearance. It isn't because they make regular statements, "THOU SHALT NOT BE INAPPROPRIATE WITH ME." It's because of their demeanor, and the messages they send to others.

For example: Nowadays, I very rarely have behavior problems in my classroom, and students certainly never speak to me in an inappropriate manner. Eight years ago? Oh, man. I had an end-of-the-day high school freshman English class that was the stuff of nightmares. But in reality, I cannot imagine having a class of students behave like that for me now or in the future.

Similarly, I'm sure we all know THAT girl who used to (or still does) complain that she can't go ANYWHERE without being hit on. It's SO BAD that she had to wear a fake engagement ring out to bars to avoid the terrible, horrible men who couldn't help but hit on her. Um, no. We all know that these people are sending out the "Talk to me and you'll get a special prize" signals, whether they care to admit it or not.

Perhaps, in some cases, those of you suffering from these ridiculous, insensitive, rude comments from people could fend some of them off by changing your demeanor a bit. Especially with people who are regulars in your life. I am NOT saying you're inviting these comments, by the way, before anyone gets all upset. But I do think we send pretty clear messages to others about what is and isn't appropriate, and when we suffer from inappropriate comments, though they're never our fault, it's in our best interest to figure out whether we could change something about the way we interact with the offenders to stave off future insensitive comments.

Of course, there's always an odd *sshat or two running around, and they'll never *get* the message. And frankly I think most middle- and high school offenders are beyond reason. But for the general population, I think we might be able to exert more control over the things others feel comfortable saying or doing to us than we give ourselves credit for.

It's definitely something to think about if you suffer from these sorts of comments often. I have a good friend who is clinically underweight, and has been under a doctor's care for years for it. She got so many hurtful comments when we were younger, and then sometime around our mid-twenties she decided that she wasn't going to put up with it anymore, and worked in earnest to change the way she behaved around people to make it clear that comments about her body would not be tolerated. (edited to add This had been an enormous issue in her life for years, it was very traumatic for her to experience. I was so proud of her when she had this breakthrough, and she has been much happier ever since. I know many of the posters here aren't suffering to that extent, but I thought this was a story worth sharing.

I know you caveated that you didn't think people were inviting these comments ... but I'll still respectfully disagree, first on the bolded paragraph, and then weigh in on the general topic.

I have totally been That Girl, though I never resorted to wearing a fake engagement ring (or, for that matter, talking about it incessantly)(instead, I made a ring with sharp spikes that I wore to the clubs - believe me, way more effective). But these last two years, it's stopped and started, quite reliably! What, you might ask, is the trigger?

It's not my demeanor. It's when I hit 135 pounds or below. Apparently, that's the weight where my body intersects with the standard for conventional attractiveness. So while I do think that how one carries oneself might have something to do with it ... as much or more of it has to do with social projections of who is fair game.

Concerning the topic at hand? It is inappropriate as hell for people to comment on your weight, no matter what it is. My best friend gets this all the time: she's built like a model (and, ironically, desperately wishes she were curvier, in the Kate Winslet mode), and has had complete strangers tell her that they "hate" her. It's not about her: it's about them, and our society, which pits woman against woman for the cheap prize of casual male approval.

My friend recognizes that her thinness is a relative form of privilege, and that it's way worse for women who are overweight, because her figure is envied, while theirs is scorned. She's been known to refer to it as "taking one for the team." Then she reiterates that the patriarchy hurts all of us, and goes about her business, which is doing her best to demolish the overall system, which is easier to do when you're not stressing the careless words of idiots.

So ... yeah. I differ on why they do it, but agree on how to handle it, just for personal sanity .....

 

[beesha77]

I am SO with you begonia! I hate when people say you are so skinny! I think they think it's a compliment but to me, it's not. I've always been thin and I'm super tall which makes it that much more noticeable. In high school (when I was growing like a weed and ate all day long) my teacher in front of the class told me I should really eat more meat and dairy, because she thought I had an eating disorder. Meanwhile, my grandmother swore i had a tapeworm. Some people are naturally thin but I also don't eat like crap. I understand how annoying it is. To me it's the same thing as saying, wow, you sure are fat!

 

[Haven]

Circe--I imagine some women are just so irresistible that men can't help but ignore whatever messages the woman is sending out and hit on her anyway. But I still believe that most women who suffer from all of these advances are really just sending out a certain message, whether they know it or not. But my point was really that we DO have some control over whether people feel comfortable saying certain things to us, or approaching us in general. And I still believe it.

NOT that people should have to even think about this, because it is so wrong for anyone to make these comments in the first place, but it's nice to know you have a little bit of control if it's really necessary to exert it. That's really all I was trying to say.

I shared that post because this is something I've been very conscious of since I started teaching eight years ago, and I've been very successful at setting up expectations about behavior based on my demeanor alone. I imagine many seasoned teachers can relate. I just thought it might be helpful to someone who is really hurting because of these comments. Like I said, a friend of mine was experiencing a lot of pain because of similar comments, and she's doing much better now after realizing that she has this tiny bit of control.

ETA: Just to share a great tragic story: I recently served on a search committee with five other colleagues. During our lunch break one day, Colleague 1 looks at Colleague 2's lunch and says, "OH MY GOODNESS! That is a lot of food! Are you going to eat all of that right now?" Colleague 2, who is a very large woman, looks at Colleague 1 and says, "You bet I'm going to eat it all. Now, mind your own business." Then C2 looked at the rest of the table and said, "Is this woman crazy? Talking about my food like that?" She said it in a jovial manner, but it was quite the show.

I just sat there in shock that C1 would say that, but I was really impressed with C2's response.

 

[missy]

ETA: Just to share a great tragic story: I recently served on a search committee with five other colleagues. During our lunch break one day, Colleague 1 looks at Colleague 2's lunch and says, "OH MY GOODNESS! That is a lot of food! Are you going to eat all of that right now?" Colleague 2, who is a very large woman, looks at Colleague 1 and says, "You bet I'm going to eat it all. Now, mind your own business." Then C2 looked at the rest of the table and said, "Is this woman crazy? Talking about my food like that?" She said it in a jovial manner, but it was quite the show.

I just sat there in shock that C1 would say that, but I was really impressed with C2's response.

Good for her!! I hate when people comment on what we eat! I happen to have a good appetite and I like to eat a large salad every day for lunch. In it I put all sorts of delicious food and it is quite yummy. More than once someone has commented about the size of my lunch. As in, oh my, how can you fit all that food into your stomach?... Really? They think that's appropriate to comment on? It's no problem at all. I can eat my dh under the table any day.
It annoys me as it is first of all none of their business and second of all don't bother me when I'm eating.

 

[Haven]

Missy--If I wasn't so lazy, I'd eat a big salad for lunch everyday, too. My current favorite is to throw cubed beets, mozzarella, and chopped parsley in with all my usual veggies. Oh, and sliced pickles. Mmmm. I'm just too lazy to make them all the time.
Yeah, my colleague is pretty awesome. She was our "outsider" so she's not from our academic department, so I didn't know her too well before our committee experience. She stands up for herself, that's for sure. I'm really sensitive about people commenting about my food choices for some reason, so I don't think I would have handled myself so well.

Anyway, I think it is completely inappropriate to talk about other people's food. And weight. I still can't decide if they are rude, or just clueless. Well, even if they are clueless, they're still rude for commenting. But you know--I can't decide if these people are trying to be rude, or they just have no idea.

 

[missy]

Yummy on all of that Haven. I love cubed beets and pickle slices and mozzarella and of course grilled veggies. I cannot believe it but I am getting hungry again!
It is labor intensive but because I am such a picky eater, have a limited lunch time (as in no lunch time- I find time in between my day) and because I also hate buying lunch out ($$$) I just bite the bullet. It does take a lot of time but I do it the night before and prepare the main ingredients on the weekend so it's not too bad.

I think for the most part people who make these comments are clueless. You usually know when it is just someone making a dig at you and usually (though sometimes it is) it's not that. It's these little life quality zings that really add up. I wish people would be required to read the Miss Manners guide. Civility and manners go a long way in making day to day life more pleasant for everyone. IMO.

 

[Laila619]

ETA: Just to share a great tragic story: I recently served on a search committee with five other colleagues. During our lunch break one day, Colleague 1 looks at Colleague 2's lunch and says, "OH MY GOODNESS! That is a lot of food! Are you going to eat all of that right now?" Colleague 2, who is a very large woman, looks at Colleague 1 and says, "You bet I'm going to eat it all. Now, mind your own business." Then C2 looked at the rest of the table and said, "Is this woman crazy? Talking about my food like that?" She said it in a jovial manner, but it was quite the show.

Good for her. People should not make comments about others' food, at all. It's especially annoying when co-workers do it.

 

[Haven]

I like the approach that people are just clueless. Makes it easier to forgive them.

Would now be a good time to share that my former boss, upon seeing me walk into the department office in a new white puffy winter coat said, "Well hello, Stay Puft Marshmallow Woman!" He didn't *mean* to say I looked fat, but about 18 English teachers held their collective breath in the moments between his stupid comment and my reaction. I just laughed, but seriously? He doesn't know better? A colleague really got on his case about it, and he said, "Oh, come on! Lori is fit, she'd never take it that way!" And that, I think, seems to be the problem with these ignoramuses who make comments to very thin people--it's like they can't fathom a very thin person being sensitive about her weight simply because thin is "in."

I just need to remind myself that I've probably said things that have inadvertently hurt people, too. The stories in this thread do make me wonder about people, though.

 

[stargurl78]

I, too, have been on the thin side for most of my life, and got comments when I was a teenager/college age about being 'skinny' or 'scrawny.' I would have LOVED to have a B-cup back then, but was it up to me? Or was it my crazy thin genetics from my 95 lb. grandmother? Either way, not something people should comment on to a very young woman, or ANY person.

Now, I don't get so many comments about being too skinny since I have filled out by age 30 (yay!), but people do say things when I turn down a brownie or forego a 2nd slice of pizza, like "Oh, you don't need to watch what you eat, you're so skinny!" or I say I need to get to the gym after work, and people look at me like I have 2 heads. And I just think, yeah, because I *do* watch what I eat and work out and care about my HEALTH not my dress size. I just say things like, "Oh, I just find I'm much less stressed after I work out" or "Sometimes junk food gives me headaches, so it's not worth it even if the calories don't matter" or something similar to get the focus off my body and onto something else.

And I think me saying something back that turns the issue on its head helps people to think about diet and exercise differently than JUST society's 'I need to be thin to be happy' message, and on the fact that there are plenty of good reasons to take care of yourself that have nothing to do with how you look... like avoiding Type 2 diabetes... or knee problems... or food sensitivities/allergies... you get the idea.

EXACTLY. I am a nut about being healthy but people act like because I work out and am aware of what I put in my mouth that must mean I'm dying to be thinner. I'm going to have to start responding to their comments like you do!

 

[natascha]

Like some other people have already said, it's not just about being thin. If something is seen as positive then people seem to take it as a free for all to make insulting remarks about it. And the comments usually don't come from a warm fuzzy place .

I don't usually get the thin remarks (well never right now since I gained weight),however some people always comment on my chest. Especially girls that are petite up there seem to feel the need to put me down, even when the compliment you they will say something like "nice boobs, where did you buy them".

What's really annoying is how people assume that you want the attention. A friend said yesterday, "oh it's so nice being with you since I know everyone is going to be staring at your chest, especially since I dress modestly". She was inferring that I dress to show off my body, I was wearing this huge grey tunica thing that showed no cleavage and no shape at all, I could be hiding 3 kids under there .

Wish we all could get a sign around our neck, saying " Don't comment on ..." and we could fill in weight, chest, hair, etc. And if people actually followed that.