Advice on second birth after a traumatic first one.

[MichelleCarmen]

[quote="jstarfireb|1305497113|2922547 I also don't know the details of the UK health system as I'm in the US, but if you can choose your doctor or OB group and talk with them beforehand about all of your concerns, that would be helpful. Most OBs would prefer to try vaginal delivery over C-section, but there are some who will do an elective C-section if you are interested in it and know the risks. C-sections are no walk in the park; they routinely come with about twice as much blood loss as vaginal deliveries, and it's major surgery with a longer recovery time and higher risks of complications. That said, I personally would consider an elective C-section if I ever got pregnant. The important thing is that you have a realistic idea of what to expect..[/quote]



I don't think it'd be easy to get an elective c/s for the first birth b/c they are EXPENSIVE. Even if you're lucky to find a dr who will perform one (which may be difficult), finding insurance who will support this could be impossible. My first c/s, because I had pitocin, an epi, etc., before going to the OR was something like $15K. Insurance covered 80%. Second was planned and was still around $10K.

 

[jstarfireb]

No problem, Diamondseeker!

MC, good point - I hadn't considered the costs. That said, I'd stand by my decision to get an elective c-section if I ever got pregnant, even if I had to pay for the whole thing out-of-pocket. If I decided I wanted to have children (I don't want to at the present), my first choice would actually be to hire a surrogate and avoid pregnancy altogether, but since that would be more like $100k than $10k, and surrogates are hard to find, I think I'd end up doing the c-section instead. Also, I would only want to have one child. One of the concerns regarding elective primary c-section is that it increases the chance of requiring future c-sections. Trial of labor after cesarian (TOLAC, formerly known as VBAC) is associated with an increased risk of uterine rupture, and OBs have a lower threshold for doing c-sections in these women because of this risk. This wouldn't be an issue for a woman like me who only wants one child. Obviously vaginal delivery is preferable for most people, but elective c-section would just be my personal choice for various reasons.

But anyway, I digress. The point in all of this is that I think an empowered, educated woman should be able to decide how she gives birth, just as she should be able to decide whether and when to bear children.

 

[megumic]

Congrats on your pregnancy!

While I have no first-hand advice since I'm not a mom yet, I've done my fair share of research on childbirthing. I think one of the most important things is being well educated about it, well supported, and to have great communication with your care provider. I think these three things can help make for a very empowering birth experience, despite the things that are unexpected, unpredictable and imperfect.

Knowing the various scenarios that may come up and what your potential options may be and the risks/benefits associated with them is key to feeling empowered. As some PPs have mentioned, having a care provider who understands your feelings about things and treats you with respect and deference is also important. Those conversations pre-birth regarding your intentions and preparations are so important as your care provider will have an idea how you may feel about things that come up during the birth.

I know you mentioned private birth being very expensive. I don't know what that expense is exactly, but I will say, that as I understand it, childbirth is one of the top lifetime experiences a woman can have. What sort of dollar amount can you put on having an incredible and empowering birth experience this time around?

I wish you lots of luck on this journey!

 

[megumic]

No problem, Diamondseeker!

MC, good point - I hadn't considered the costs. That said, I'd stand by my decision to get an elective c-section if I ever got pregnant, even if I had to pay for the whole thing out-of-pocket. If I decided I wanted to have children (I don't want to at the present), my first choice would actually be to hire a surrogate and avoid pregnancy altogether, but since that would be more like $100k than $10k, and surrogates are hard to find, I think I'd end up doing the c-section instead. Also, I would only want to have one child. One of the concerns regarding elective primary c-section is that it increases the chance of requiring future c-sections. Trial of labor after cesarian (TOLAC, formerly known as VBAC) is associated with an increased risk of uterine rupture, and OBs have a lower threshold for doing c-sections in these women because of this risk. This wouldn't be an issue for a woman like me who only wants one child. Obviously vaginal delivery is preferable for most people, but elective c-section would just be my personal choice for various reasons.

But anyway, I digress. The point in all of this is that I think an empowered, educated woman should be able to decide how she gives birth, just as she should be able to decide whether and when to bear children.

Threadjack -- jstar, I'm curious what your reasoning is for the bold. We very much agree that empowered, educated women should be able to choose how to birth and it is a very personal choice. Since you're very well educated and in training to become an anesthesiologist, I am wondering why you would choose an elective c-section.

 

[jstarfireb]

No problem, megumic. Get ready for a novel!

First of all, let me backtrack a little and say again that I don't want and never have wanted to have children. This informs my decision, because I might be more open about things if I had wanted children all my life. Obviously most people in the FHH forum don't share my sentiments, so feel free to ignore these next few lines; they're only my personal opinions and certainly not an indictment of anyone who makes the choice to be a mother. I don't have one ounce of maternal instinct, and I value my free time and hobbies more than just about anything else. I work hard and have invested a lot of time and energy into my career. I don't want my life to revolve around a child. I don't feel the need to pass on my genes (which I think are defective anyway...see below) or leave a legacy to the world. Furthermore, pregnancy actually concerns me more than labor. I have had body image issues since my teenage years and would be devastated by weight gain and stretch marks. And I scar VERY easily, so stretch marks would definitely happen. Also, morning sickness scares the crap out of me. I don't like not being in control of my body (double negative, but that's the best way I could state it).

So, now that we've established that I'd be a pretty cruddy mother...most of my reasons for not wanting to go through labor aren't related to my medical training; they're more about personal insecurities and fears. I think there's not a lot of dignity in the process of labor. There's sweat, blood, sticky fluids, and...shall we say...excrement. Everyone looks at and sticks their fingers in your lady parts (and keep in mind these would be people I work with, faces I would have to see again as colleagues). I'm also a total wuss and don't think I'd be able to push...I'd just give up when it gets difficult, so I'd end up in a C-section anyway...why not just get there from the start, without the drama? And then there's the issue of pain, but that's of course mitigated by the miracle of the epidural (by the way, I want to take a minute to mention how gratifying it is to see people go from moaning and writhing in pain to serene and comfortable...it really makes me love my job!). Anyway, a C-section is "cleaner" in my mind - less physical work, less drama, less fear and anxiety for me. I've seen many and know what to expect. They are quite brutal in that the OBs do a lot of pushing to get the baby out, and blood loss is significant. But given that I'm physically healthy, not anemic, educated about the risks, and only planning on having one child if I have any, I think I'm a great candidate for an elective C-section.

As a medical professional, the biggest concern I have is pelvic floor weakness that leads to urinary incontinence and prolapse (dropping) of the uterus and bladder. There are several studies linking this to vaginal delivery, showing a higher rate of these problems compared to women who have had C-sections. It's still controversial within the medical community, but I'm convinced. I also may have a medical indication for C-section. I'm not 100% sure as I haven't been formally diagnosed, but I have a strong suspicion that I have a genetic disorder that leaves people prone to miscarriage, uterine rupture, premature labor, and severe pain during pregnancy. In addition, people with this disorder have a higher risk of the pelvic floor weakness I mentioned above.

Anyway, those are the multiple reasons why I personally don't want to go through labor and would prefer a C-section in the unlikely event that I get pregnant. These are just MY thoughts, though...they shouldn't be construed as advice for anyone else!

Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

 

[Pandora II]

No problem, megumic. Get ready for a novel!

First of all, let me backtrack a little and say again that I don't want and never have wanted to have children. This informs my decision, because I might be more open about things if I had wanted children all my life. Obviously most people in the FHH forum don't share my sentiments, so feel free to ignore these next few lines; they're only my personal opinions and certainly not an indictment of anyone who makes the choice to be a mother. I don't have one ounce of maternal instinct, and I value my free time and hobbies more than just about anything else. I work hard and have invested a lot of time and energy into my career. I don't want my life to revolve around a child. I don't feel the need to pass on my genes (which I think are defective anyway...see below) or leave a legacy to the world. Furthermore, pregnancy actually concerns me more than labor. I have had body image issues since my teenage years and would be devastated by weight gain and stretch marks. And I scar VERY easily, so stretch marks would definitely happen. Also, morning sickness scares the crap out of me. I don't like not being in control of my body (double negative, but that's the best way I could state it).

So, now that we've established that I'd be a pretty cruddy mother...most of my reasons for not wanting to go through labor aren't related to my medical training; they're more about personal insecurities and fears. I think there's not a lot of dignity in the process of labor. There's sweat, blood, sticky fluids, and...shall we say...excrement. Everyone looks at and sticks their fingers in your lady parts (and keep in mind these would be people I work with, faces I would have to see again as colleagues). I'm also a total wuss and don't think I'd be able to push...I'd just give up when it gets difficult, so I'd end up in a C-section anyway...why not just get there from the start, without the drama? And then there's the issue of pain, but that's of course mitigated by the miracle of the epidural (by the way, I want to take a minute to mention how gratifying it is to see people go from moaning and writhing in pain to serene and comfortable...it really makes me love my job!). Anyway, a C-section is "cleaner" in my mind - less physical work, less drama, less fear and anxiety for me. I've seen many and know what to expect. They are quite brutal in that the OBs do a lot of pushing to get the baby out, and blood loss is significant. But given that I'm physically healthy, not anemic, educated about the risks, and only planning on having one child if I have any, I think I'm a great candidate for an elective C-section.

As a medical professional, the biggest concern I have is pelvic floor weakness that leads to urinary incontinence and prolapse (dropping) of the uterus and bladder. There are several studies linking this to vaginal delivery, showing a higher rate of these problems compared to women who have had C-sections. It's still controversial within the medical community, but I'm convinced. I also may have a medical indication for C-section. I'm not 100% sure as I haven't been formally diagnosed, but I have a strong suspicion that I have a genetic disorder that leaves people prone to miscarriage, uterine rupture, premature labor, and severe pain during pregnancy. In addition, people with this disorder have a higher risk of the pelvic floor weakness I mentioned above.

Anyway, those are the multiple reasons why I personally don't want to go through labor and would prefer a C-section in the unlikely event that I get pregnant. These are just MY thoughts, though...they shouldn't be construed as advice for anyone else!

Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

Interesting post - and many of the things you mentioned were my fears as well:

- did not want children: not maternal and would be crap mother, liked my free-time and hobbies, liked my lie-ins.
- did not want my body taken over and to end up looking like a whale and never having a decent figure ever again. Plus stretch-marks... got loads during puberty so bound to end up with them again.
- the indignity, the lack of basic modesty, the being prodded by all and sundry, the awful thought of a catheter, the awful thought of all the blood and slime and general yuck... at the very least give me the baby washed and dried and looking clean!
- the possibility of pelvic floor weakeness.

Elective c-section was pretty high on my list.

So, DH got baby fever and so I got going on Project Get Pregnant (please note... NOT Project Baby). Got KTFU after 3 weeks... hmm, now facing Project Baby.

Don't get morning sickness - hooray ! Nope, get hyperemesis instead... boo. Get oedema and size of proverbial whale, can hardly walk by the end. For some reason get no stretch marks - hooray!

Did not care for being prodded and poked for all those hours but cared far less than I thought I would. Have vague memory that pain wasn't fun but more memory of lovely epidural. Rather sad that I didn't get baby as soon as she was born - gore and all.

I have ended up with my figure back - I'm 39 and look pretty good in a bikini, certainly don't look like I've had a kid - and no stretch marks.

BUT and this is a huge BUT I ended up with very bad pelvic floor issues. For the first couple of weeks my child and I had about the same amount of bladder control and it has taken best part of two years to get to the point where I feel it's fine (as long as I don't have to run for a bus). It was horrendous and there is absolutely no way to really do anything other than time and weirdly taking the NSAID Diclophenac.

I don't think it was the VB itself that caused my issues but the I'm pretty certain that the Kielland's Forceps and a catheter for best part of 2 days was the issue.

Ultimately I may think about reconstructive surgery - but I have to be convinced that we won't have any more kids first.

Despite all that, it was worth it and my daughter isn't as much of a limit on my life as I thought she would be. I don't do schedules and my baby has to fit into MY life rather than my life revolving round her. I recently went on a business-trip that involved 17 hours each way on a plane and 3 days solid work there - I took my daugher with me and she was an angel on the plane and a PITA while I was working but I got everything I needed done and done well and she'll be coming with me on all my other trips. She's a 'challenging' child and I'd happily put her in care several times a week but with everything weighed up I'm more than happy we had her - she also likes lie-ins which is a big bonus! I still don't love kids in general but I do love mine and that is the important thing.

Not trying to say that you will ever change your mind or anything like that - I have many friends who are child-free by choice and it was what I always thought DH and I would be. Just saying that your fears are totally normal!

 

[jstarfireb]

Hey Pandora! Your post will surely be encouraging to my husband, who still wants kids but gave them up to marry me. It's good to know that you can still be a good mother and live your own life. Society seem to have this expectation that parents give up all of themselves for their children. My mother basically threw her entire self into parenting and now doesn't really have any hobbies or close friends outside of family friends. I don't ever want to be defined solely by being X's mother, but just as myself.

Everyone else keeps telling me I'll change my mind, but I'm 28 and haven't so far. Maybe when I hit 30, the proverbial biological clock will start ticking. I may investigate the option of a surrogate if that happens, in part because of my fears about pregnancy and labor, and in part because of the genetic condition I believe I have. This is the condition: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ehlers-Danlos_syndrome. In addition to PROM and uterine rupture, people with EDS often have severe pelvic pain (from widening of the pubic symphysis) and joint dislocations during pregnancy when the hormone relaxin kicks in. I would also be concerned that the widening of the pelvis and loosening of ligaments caused by relaxin would be permanent in my case rather than going back to normal after pregnancy, adding to my concerns about bodily changes. Fortunately, I don't think I have the severe (vascular) form of the disease.

Your experience with pelvic floor dysfunction also reinforces my decision! Sorry to hear you had such a difficult time with it. Forceps deliveries are definitely a big risk factor (I was born via high forceps delivery, something they don't even do anymore).

Another part of your post that resonated with me was saying that you don't particularly like kids in general...neither do I! Other people's kids drive me nuts. Thank you for admitting that (it's quite taboo to say anything negative about children these days), and it's good to know there's hope that I wouldn't be a terrible mother because of it.

I do think that OBs might consider my request to have an elective primary C-section more seriously than a typical patient's because of professional courtesy and the understanding that I'm fully aware of the benefits and risks.

 

[DivaDiamond007]

thanks everyone for sharing your experiences. i think i might slowly be coming around to having a VB. there was an article in the paper today about the NHS offering counseling to woman who ask for c-sections after a traumatic birth. so im going to contact the midwifes today and start looking into what my options really are. here in the uk the truth is that the help and support you get depends on where you live, what the health trusts policies are in your area and basically the personal opinions of the the midwifes and OBs who are dealing with you. as i live in the countryside i dont really have the option of asking to see another OB or midwife because there really isn't any!! if i find that they are really unhelpful my one other option is to have the baby in Birmingham. all my family are there so would be able to stay with them, but im not sure if the maternity services are any better there?
lbbaber and divadiamond007, how did you get over the fear when it came to your second delivery? i know that if your scared your labour wont progress well so i know i need to 'get over it'! do you think at some point in your pregnancy nature takes over and you become fearless?

I had a lot of fear with the delivery of my daughter - and with good reason as a placental abruption is nothing to mess with. I was already considered high risk when I became preganant as my son was born early and I have a clotting disorder with a history of DVT. I started weekly appointments with the OB in my 2nd trimester, had weekly non-stress tests for the baby and talked a lot about what would happen during labor/delivery. That all went out the window with the abruption. I abrupted at home and called 911 to make it to the hospital as quickly as possible. I was not given a choice of whether I should be admitted for hospital bedrest or an emergency c-section. My doctor wanted the baby out PRONTO to try to save her life and it worked. Sometimes you just need to have faith. In the ambulance on the way to the hospital my daughter kept poking me in the ribs with her tiny feet - a gesture letting me know she was still there and alive. Someone was watching over us that day and we both survived. As I mentioned before, my daughter had her fair share of preemie problems but was by far not the sickest baby in the NICU. Now, at 4.5 months old you'd never know that she was ever so sick except for the fact that she is teeny tiny for her age (actual and adjusted).

I very strongly belive that a good medical team was paramount to the sucess of my daughter's delivery and I am forever grateful for my OB being there for me the way he was. He knew from the day I found out I was pregnant to keep a close eye on me and he did everything he could to keep me and my daughter safe when the abruption happened.

 

[Pandora II]

Hey Pandora! Your post will surely be encouraging to my husband, who still wants kids but gave them up to marry me. It's good to know that you can still be a good mother and live your own life. Society seem to have this expectation that parents give up all of themselves for their children. My mother basically threw her entire self into parenting and now doesn't really have any hobbies or close friends outside of family friends. I don't ever want to be defined solely by being X's mother, but just as myself.

Everyone else keeps telling me I'll change my mind, but I'm 28 and haven't so far. Maybe when I hit 30, the proverbial biological clock will start ticking. I may investigate the option of a surrogate if that happens, in part because of my fears about pregnancy and labor, and in part because of the genetic condition I believe I have. This is the condition: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ehlers-Danlos_syndrome. In addition to PROM and uterine rupture, people with EDS often have severe pelvic pain (from widening of the pubic symphysis) and joint dislocations during pregnancy when the hormone relaxin kicks in. I would also be concerned that the widening of the pelvis and loosening of ligaments caused by relaxin would be permanent in my case rather than going back to normal after pregnancy, adding to my concerns about bodily changes. Fortunately, I don't think I have the severe (vascular) form of the disease.

Your experience with pelvic floor dysfunction also reinforces my decision! Sorry to hear you had such a difficult time with it. Forceps deliveries are definitely a big risk factor (I was born via high forceps delivery, something they don't even do anymore).

Another part of your post that resonated with me was saying that you don't particularly like kids in general...neither do I! Other people's kids drive me nuts. Thank you for admitting that (it's quite taboo to say anything negative about children these days), and it's good to know there's hope that I wouldn't be a terrible mother because of it.

I do think that OBs might consider my request to have an elective primary C-section more seriously than a typical patient's because of professional courtesy and the understanding that I'm fully aware of the benefits and risks.

I was 36 before deciding that babies were on the cards - we even wrote a pros and cons list - hope that helps your husband! I totally think you can have your own life and a child - it just won't be the SAME life as you had before. In my case it is actually allowing me to have my cake and eat it as I have had the opportunity to study something I love (and that my former job didn't allow due to the hours I worked) and the cost of child-care here has given me the boot up the backside to think creatively and initiate starting my own business which will ultimately define me far more than my previous career has and allow me to spend time with Daisy.

I honestly think it's hard to predict what will happen when you are pregnant. I have severe spinal stenosis and had to continue taking large quantities of opiates and lamotrigine while I was pregnant.

My back-pain actually decreases significantly while I was pregnant which was a big suprise. D was born opiate-dependent but the hospital I was with have huge experience with babies with drug-addict mothers and said it was great to actually know what a baby was being exposed to for once! She did need treatment for a couple of days but that was all.

I had mid-cavity forceps and was very lucky that the surgeon on that afternoon was very experienced as they don't teach Keilland's anymore here. A c-section after that would probably have killed me - I'd already lost 4.5 pints of blood at that stage. I was extremely anaemic which didn't help.

I can't see why they would refuse you an elective considering your medical background. Here they have to give in (although they are unhappy and make that VERY obvious).

 

[nfowife]

I'm in the US but I had a very difficult delivery for my first daughter- over 24 hours labor, 2+ hours pushing. She was posterior and just would not come out. I wanted to go natural with her and had taken Bradley classes. But by the end I was not progressing and I opted for the epidural prior to other interventions (pitocin,AROM). In the end I needed the vacuum to get her out and had a big episiotomy. It was a good 8 weeks of recovery before I felt "normal".
My 2nd delivery was SO MUCH BETTER. I was in much less pain during labor and as a result didn't arrive at the hospital until I was 7 cm. Within 30 minutes I was ready to push and he was born 40 minutes after arriving. I had no epidural and the recovery was night and day compared to my first baby! I felt like a million bucks after he was born. My 3rd was born in December and was just as easy with another quick recovery.

It generally gets much easier with each birth, and quicker too. And towards the end of your pregnancy the fear will subside as you start to feel "done" being pregnant and get more excited to meet the little one inside you!! It will be okay!

 

[GraceAva]

Pandora, can i just check if you meant that they have to let you have a c-section in the uk even if they don't want you to?
i also said from when i was a little girl that i never wanted children but mother nature is a very powerful force and we are on this earth to reproduce. although i totally understand why some woman don't want children i think most get that natural desire to have a baby eventually or accidently get pregnant and want to keep it. and i've yet to meet someone who's said they regret it, as much of a nightmare kids can be at times!

 

[Pandora II]

Pandora, can i just check if you meant that they have to let you have a c-section in the uk even if they don't want you to?
i also said from when i was a little girl that i never wanted children but mother nature is a very powerful force and we are on this earth to reproduce. although i totally understand why some woman don't want children i think most get that natural desire to have a baby eventually or accidently get pregnant and want to keep it. and i've yet to meet someone who's said they regret it, as much of a nightmare kids can be at times!

Pretty much. They will be pretty unhappy about it - and personally I would like to be treated by a doctor who didn't think I was being a PITA.

When I was in ICU after having Daisy, one of the OBs came in to talk to another about a girl who had come in in labour and was insisting on a c-section. The first OB said he didn't see why they should do it since a) there was no medical reason for it, b) she was already in established labour and c) they had enough issues keeping operating theatres, surgeons and anaesthetists free for people who really need them. Second OB said he agreed but if she ended up needing a section in the end or if something went wrong then she'd sue so may as well just get it over and done with...

Honestly I'm not sure I'd want to be regarded as a 'get it over and done with' which no matter how nice and professional the staff are, I would know that is what they thought. And the stories I have heard from my friend and uncle back this up!

On the other hand, if you have extenuating circumstances then they are often very happy to allow it even if not strictly medically necessary. They will argue that it's a) far more risky to both mother and baby than a vb, b) had a longer and worse recovery time and c) since you are no longer a primagravida the birth is likely to be quicker and easier so why not go for a trial of labour and see what happens.

If I was in your situation I think I would opt for a vb but take a doula with me.

Birmingham is very good apparently. FIL is a geriatrician there and knows lots of the staff, plus his step-daughter had a baby there in 2009 and was very happy with the care she received. Can't get any info on Wrexham - have you tried Mumsnet?

 

[random_thought]

First off I want to state that I kind of glazed over some of the responses...it's 2:12am here and I'm pretty groggy right now, lol!

I am pretty interested to read the responses you get as I didn't have the most pleasant birth experience either. In fact, DH, not me, was the first one to voice his concern over a second baby sometime in the future because of all the complications we had and how miserable I was the entire time.

We induced because I had low amniotic fluid and pre-e. I ended up being in labor for 50 hours total from being admitted to delivering the baby. I pushed for 5 hours. I got an epidural and it didn't work so I was given another one that ended up numbing me from my neck to my toes but I could still feel the pressure and had no problem pushing. My water was broken for 21 hours before Cayden was delivered. They told me they were going to do a c-section first because it was taking forever for my cervix to efface. I was threatened with a second one as it was getting closer to him being in for 24 hours after the water had broken. All it ended up taking was for the head of labor and delivery to come in and reposition his arm (it was hanging on top of his head, he sleeps that way now lol).

I had a tear and they put in a pretty good amount of stitches. However, the stitches they gave me are the kind that dissolve as they heal so I can't imagine how they would pose a problem with a second birth.

We also had complications because I had been sick for a few days and it ended up being a uterus infection. Between pushing I was coughing my lungs out! I also had someone in charge of spraying saline solution up my nose and a cold washcloth on my head the whole time because I ran a constant temperature of 103 degrees. Unfortunately I ended up passing the infection to Cayden and he had to stay in the nicu because of it :-\

I also wanted to add in that we also used a midwife and they didn't pressure me into anything, had an epidural, was able to eat and drink the whole time and hang out in the birthing tub, etc. I suppose it is just a matter of who you get and what country you live in (I'm usa).

So with all of that that happened...I still would do it all over again. Not for awhile, but I would definitely love to have another child someday.

 

[steph72276]

I haven't had time to read all of the replies. I'm really sorry about your bad experience last time. I guess I'm not sure about how things work there, but if you can't afford to choose your own doctor, how would you be able to afford an elective c-section? Wouldn't you have to pay for it if it's not medically necessary?

 

[Pandora II]

Steph, in the UK it's all free.

 

[GraceAva]

hi , just thought i wud post an update. my second daughter, Bella Rose, was born 15th of december after a 2hr labour. no drugs, no intervention and no injuries! i had planned to have an epidural in the end but she was born 15mins after getting to hospital so obviously there wasn't time. it was still painful but without being drugged the pain felt o.k, its hard to explain but i think you can feel what your bodies doing as well as the pain so its not as bad. i would now go the natural route if i ever had another one. thank you everyone for your advice and help when i was soooo scared! now i just need to know how you stay sane when you have a toddler in the midst of the terrible two's and a newborn??xx

 

[Jennifer W]

Congratulations! I have been thinking about you occasionally, wondering how you were getting on - so glad to hear you had such a positive experience this time round.

We'd love to see photos of your precious little girl, so happy for you!

 

[Pandora II]

Congratulations, that is wonderful news - I often wondered how things had gone.

Which hospital did you go with in the end?

 

[GraceAva]

will post a photo soon.
pandora, i ended up in welshpool hospital as when we got in the car we had to make a split second decision and welshpool was the closest but i was booked in for wrexham. when we arrived the hospital was shut! there was one GP there who opened the door for us but said she didn't know how to deliver a baby and she called the emergency midwife who had to come from her home. literally 5mins after the midwife arrived she was born! (i only ended up in this situation because i was expecting another long labour and wanted to put off going to hospital for as long as possible but turned out i left it to long) it was a really nice hospital and all the staff were amazing and did there best as it was a bit of an emergency situation. but they did put me stright in an ambulance to shrewsbury after the birth and nothings changed there! i only stayed 1 night and hated it. only thing i would say is it was slightly cleaner than last time.

 

[phoenixgirl]

I haven't read all of the responses but wanted to say that I'm sorry you were traumatized by your first experience. I wasn't happy with mine either (in my case it was a cascade of interventions that ended in c/s), and I'm planning to use my knowledge of what I wasn't happy with the first time to have a much better L&D experience with my baby due in two weeks.

I have a friend who was told by the nurses that her doctor had to leave in two hours (as in, you'd better get a move on), and then he came in and said they needed to use forceps. She got a fourth degree tear and a fistula (!!!!!!!!) requiring months of reconstructive surgery from the episiotomy. Definitely traumatic. Anyway, after researching her options (the risk of repeat severe tearing requiring surgery was placed at 5%, and of course opting for a c/s puts your "chances" of having surgery at 100%), so she decided to switch practices (old OB was telling her to definitely do a c/s) and she wound up with an easy, all-natural second birth with only a minor tear. I know she was very scared after her first experience, understandably so, but at least in her case a second vaginal delivery went MUCH better than the first and she avoided a surgery that in hindsight was obviously not needed.

I've had a c-section. It's major surgery; I personally wouldn't take it lightly. I know more than one person whose plans for future children have been altered by their repeat c-sections, either being told that they needed to wait 3-4 years, needed to stop after this baby, or even needed a hysterectomy. I'd rather the choices about my future fertility be mine.

Best wishes for a much better experience this time around. Knowledge is power, and I think knowing what we didn't like the first time and finding providers we feel comfortable with will make our chances of being happy this time around much higher (I just switched to a new practice last week when I couldn't get my old OB to listen to me for two minutes and talk me through the VBAC vs. c/s decision).

 

[phoenixgirl]

Oooh, just noticed your update (duh, sorry I missed it before!). That's AWESOME! Congratulations!!!! I'm so glad you had a much better experience.