shape
carat
color
clarity

Daycare troubles - WWYD?

AllieLuv83

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 22, 2007
Messages
1,453
Let me preface this by saying that I really like my daycare and Charlie's teacher, and the director of the daycare. With that being said...please read on and give me your advice!

Charlie has been at this daycare for 2 months and a few days. Today I picked him up and his log said that he was fed 3 bottles when I went in the fridge 2 out of the 4 that I brought in were still there. So the teacher (which I love) was still there and swears she fed C 2 bottles. They called the lead teacher who has left for the day and she swears she fed him the 3rd bottle. The director went through all the bottles of the babies and the logs and says that the numbers all match up. I am pissed on so many levels! At first I was mad thinking that he was fed someone else's formula or even worse BREAST MILK! When she called and said all the bottles and logs match up I am mad because out of 2 teachers who take care of 5 babies someone F***ed up and both of them swear and are sticking to their story which makes me feel like if they can't keep track of 5 babies and who/when/how much each baby gets fed then what's even the point.

I also need to add that this is a second incident. About a week after he started going there we had an issue with him being fed. His log stated that he was last fed at one time, all of his bottles were gone and no one knew if or when that last bottle was fed. The director looked into that as well and it was straightened out.

I like my daycare but I am at my whits end. I don't know what to do. I started to call other daycares in the area looking for a spot to start immediately.

Any advice would be helpful!
 

Mara

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 30, 2002
Messages
31,003
well you're already looking into other daycares, but i think you should still address this again with the director. while he's still there, try to get it worked out. and you never know, maybe there is an ongoing issue with one of the people or something. do they have a webcam or supervision on video? if not, maybe that's something you can suggest to the director? that way they can play tapes (if necessary, is that weird, just thinking out loud!) to see what really happened. actually as a daycare director, why wouldn't they want to operate that way because that way you know you are totally protected/covered and could always have 'backup' on what people were actually doing...i would think?? just get the employees to sign a waiver.

sorry that you're having to deal with it but i'd continue looking and at the same time try to get it worked out. i think it IS odd and you shouldn't have to deal with it. but since you are having to, try to figure it out while parallel pathing finding a potentially better place to keep in your back pocket. but other than this, are they an excellent place? good luck.
 

AllieLuv83

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 22, 2007
Messages
1,453
Yes they do have cameras which I can remotely access. I didn't think to ask if there is a taped video each day but maybe I will mention it tomorrow. Aside from these issues we are very happy there. Charlie is happy to see Miss Jenn every day and gives her smiles and cuddles. I am just so torn. My head says cut your losses but my heart says differently.
 

Dreamer_D

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 16, 2007
Messages
25,234
I agree with mara. I would address this issue specifically with the director and make it clear I did not want it to happen again and then see what happens. At the same time, I might look into other options.

You might also pop in for visits in the day if you can swing it. I did that the first two months Hunter was in his daycare, came every lunch time (was nursing, couldn't pump so went to BF at lunch) and it made a big difference in how comfortable I felt with the caregivers and how much I trusted them. I got to really observe how much they cared for the kids and how they handled things. And they got to know me and I think were more motivated to take really good care of my son because of it. Daycare is paid for, but it is also a relationship in a way, and a little effort to get to know the caregivers on a more personal level does a world of good.

I also would take a chill pill :cheeky: I have a kid in daycare, too, and I am somewhat particular about certain things, so I can empathize with your reaction entirely. But the unfortunate part of daycare for us is that we can't control what happens all the time every single time. And mistakes do happen, and we have to accept that. In this case, I can't say exactly how I would feel in your shoes with such a young baby in daycare (our son was 10 months before he went). But the bottle issue could have been a mistake on your part, too -- maybe you sent an extra bottle, maybe one was left over from the previous day. I do this often. Maybe not, and they fed half of one bottle at one feed and the other half at another. Or maybe they just really f*d up. Whichever it is, I think to an extent as moms with kids in daycare we have to accept that things get done sometimes a little differently that we would like and roll with it as long as the greater good is there -- kiddo is treated with appreciation, care, warmth, and maybe a little love. At least that is how I look at it, or try to anyways 8) And we have to accept that mistakes happen, no matter who looks after the kid. My focus is on the general trust -- making sure that I am willing to substitute their judgement for my own in my absense, ultimately that is what trusting a cargiver is all about -- rather than the micro-managing. I think that applies to both issues you have had so far.

That said, if you do not trust them, and by "them" I mean the people actually careing for your son on a daily basis, not the director then listen to your gut and find another place.
 

AllieLuv83

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 22, 2007
Messages
1,453
Dreamer_D|1299112191|2863347 said:
I agree with mara. I would address this issue specifically with the director and make it clear I did not want it to happen again and then see what happens. At the same time, I might look into other options.

You might also pop in for visits in the day if you can swing it. I did that the first two months Hunter was in his daycare, came every lunch time (was nursing, couldn't pump so went to BF at lunch) and it made a big difference in how comfortable I felt with the caregivers and how much I trusted them. I got to really observe how much they cared for the kids and how they handled things. And they got to know me and I think were more motivated to take really good care of my son because of it. Daycare is paid for, but it is also a relationship in a way, and a little effort to get to know the caregivers on a more personal level does a world of good.

I also would take a chill pill :cheeky: I have a kid in daycare, too, and I am somewhat particular about certain things, so I can empathize with your reaction entirely. But the unfortunate part of daycare for us is that we can't control what happens all the time every single time. And mistakes do happen, and we have to accept that. In this case, I can't say exactly how I would feel in your shoes with such a young baby in daycare (our son was 10 months before he went). But the bottle issue could have been a mistake on your part, too -- maybe you sent an extra bottle, maybe one was left over from the previous day. I do this often. Maybe not, and they fed half of one bottle at one feed and the other half at another. Or maybe they just really f*d up. Whichever it is, I think to an extent as moms with kids in daycare we have to accept that things get done sometimes a little differently that we would like and roll with it as long as the greater good is there -- kiddo is treated with appreciation, care, warmth, and maybe a little love. At least that is how I look at it, or try to anyways 8) And we have to accept that mistakes happen, no matter who looks after the kid. My focus is on the general trust -- making sure that I am willing to substitute their judgement for my own in my absense, ultimately that is what trusting a cargiver is all about -- rather than the micro-managing. I think that applies to both issues you have had so far.

That said, if you do not trust them, and by "them" I mean the people actually careing for your son on a daily basis, not the director then listen to your gut and find another place.

Here is the thing, if I wasn't the one picking up my son and taking any left overs home, and the one that packs his bag in the morning as well as makes the bottles, this would be possible. If this was the case then 3 empty bottles would be going home instead of 2. I feel that if you can't take care of a simple thing like feeding and writing down what happens then this is a problem. The fact that there were 2 problems with feeding in the span of 2 months is also a big red flag. Yes he is happy, yes he seems to be loved but honestly when is enough enough? If there was some sort of explanation this would make me feel a lot better but the fact they they say "well gee we don't know what happened" basically says to me, they can feed my milk to another baby and write it down on the log as Charlie being fed. The bottom line is he was either fed someone else's bottle or he was not fed and it was written down that he was.

I am sorry Dreamer but I have to disagree. I don't think that wanting to know when and how much your 2, 3 and 4 month baby is being fed is micromanaging. They keep track of 3 things, changing, sleeping and feeding. I also pump when I am away from him. When the first incident happened the scariest thing was that NO ONE could tell me who/when or even confirm that he was fed. I need to know this in order to decide if I should nurse him when I get home or to pump because he just ate. The fact that bottles were empty but no record was taken is NOT okay with me.

I am a teacher too, yes this is a little different from running a daycare but I can't simply just can't understand the whole "mystery" answer. If I screw up then I know it, yes mistakes happen but I own up to them.
 

shihtzulover

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 30, 2010
Messages
717
It sounds like you've already made your mind up, and that you really don't trust them. If that's the case, then there's nothing wrong with finding another daycare that you're more comfortable with.

I can definitely understand why you're upset. I don't have kids yet, but I could totally see myself getting upset in a situation like that. Of course, I'm a major worrier by nature!

I'm sure there are many other options out there, and that you fill find a great daycare that's a better fit for you and your son. Good luck!
 

AllieLuv83

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 22, 2007
Messages
1,453
I spoke to my husband and he feels that he would like to give them one more chance based on the fact that Charlie is so happy there!
 

Dreamer_D

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 16, 2007
Messages
25,234
AllieLuv83|1299116486|2863399 said:
Dreamer_D|1299112191|2863347 said:
I agree with mara. I would address this issue specifically with the director and make it clear I did not want it to happen again and then see what happens. At the same time, I might look into other options.

You might also pop in for visits in the day if you can swing it. I did that the first two months Hunter was in his daycare, came every lunch time (was nursing, couldn't pump so went to BF at lunch) and it made a big difference in how comfortable I felt with the caregivers and how much I trusted them. I got to really observe how much they cared for the kids and how they handled things. And they got to know me and I think were more motivated to take really good care of my son because of it. Daycare is paid for, but it is also a relationship in a way, and a little effort to get to know the caregivers on a more personal level does a world of good.

I also would take a chill pill :cheeky: I have a kid in daycare, too, and I am somewhat particular about certain things, so I can empathize with your reaction entirely. But the unfortunate part of daycare for us is that we can't control what happens all the time every single time. And mistakes do happen, and we have to accept that. In this case, I can't say exactly how I would feel in your shoes with such a young baby in daycare (our son was 10 months before he went). But the bottle issue could have been a mistake on your part, too -- maybe you sent an extra bottle, maybe one was left over from the previous day. I do this often. Maybe not, and they fed half of one bottle at one feed and the other half at another. Or maybe they just really f*d up. Whichever it is, I think to an extent as moms with kids in daycare we have to accept that things get done sometimes a little differently that we would like and roll with it as long as the greater good is there -- kiddo is treated with appreciation, care, warmth, and maybe a little love. At least that is how I look at it, or try to anyways 8) And we have to accept that mistakes happen, no matter who looks after the kid. My focus is on the general trust -- making sure that I am willing to substitute their judgement for my own in my absense, ultimately that is what trusting a cargiver is all about -- rather than the micro-managing. I think that applies to both issues you have had so far.

That said, if you do not trust them, and by "them" I mean the people actually careing for your son on a daily basis, not the director then listen to your gut and find another place.

Here is the thing, if I wasn't the one picking up my son and taking any left overs home, and the one that packs his bag in the morning as well as makes the bottles, this would be possible. If this was the case then 3 empty bottles would be going home instead of 2. I feel that if you can't take care of a simple thing like feeding and writing down what happens then this is a problem. The fact that there were 2 problems with feeding in the span of 2 months is also a big red flag. Yes he is happy, yes he seems to be loved but honestly when is enough enough? If there was some sort of explanation this would make me feel a lot better but the fact they they say "well gee we don't know what happened" basically says to me, they can feed my milk to another baby and write it down on the log as Charlie being fed. The bottom line is he was either fed someone else's bottle or he was not fed and it was written down that he was.

I am sorry Dreamer but I have to disagree. I don't think that wanting to know when and how much your 2, 3 and 4 month baby is being fed is micromanaging. They keep track of 3 things, changing, sleeping and feeding. I also pump when I am away from him. When the first incident happened the scariest thing was that NO ONE could tell me who/when or even confirm that he was fed. I need to know this in order to decide if I should nurse him when I get home or to pump because he just ate. The fact that bottles were empty but no record was taken is NOT okay with me.

I am a teacher too, yes this is a little different from running a daycare but I can't simply just can't understand the whole "mystery" answer. If I screw up then I know it, yes mistakes happen but I own up to them.

My last comment was not to say you are micromanaging. Let me clarify. My point was that I think when a parent assesses the standard of care their child gets at a daycare center they should make a macro, global assessment of whether they trust the caregivers to make decisions in their stead. One that decision is made, then a parent can let go and not worry about the smaller details. Over time and lots of observation at my daycare, for example, I have opted to trust my caregivers. That means that if something happened like you described (both issues) I would assume it was an honest error or an error on my part. I would of course bring it up with the director and the caregivers, but it would likely not cause me to seek other care. That decision would be based on my trust for them, in the same way that I would assume a similar error by my husband would be an honest mistake. And that trust would allow me not to worry about the smaller stuff or to micromanage. If on the other hand, I did not trust them, my reaction would be very different. I would feel the need to monitor all the details. So the key is to find caregivers whom you trust so you don't have to worry about the details, or can chalk it up to basic errors. In this case, they have not proven to you that they are trustworthy, it seems. And if that is the case, then I think you have your answer about what to do in this situtation! You know the caregivers and these situations do not sit well with you. That means you don't trust them and thus I agree that you should move on. I think your gut is telling you what to do, and you should listen.

And may I add you are a much more consciencious mother than I! I also pack his bag etc and half the time cannot recall what I sent or what came home :rodent:
 

AllieLuv83

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 22, 2007
Messages
1,453
Maybe it is because I pump and every little drop is so precious to me, that I am a nut about it. When I am sitting next to a kiln in the art room closet I think here is the 3rd bottle for daycare for tomorrow. There were days when 9-10oz of my milk was getting wasted because he would not eat the bottle that was not warm enough, so I have tried many different quantities in bottles so very little is wasted. Plus I am always concerned when he is not eating well so I try to mentally do math when I am picking him up by looking at the log. This is why I was so surprised when I opened up the fridge today and saw 2 bottles instead of 1 left over.

I basically am able to pump 12 oz in a day he get gets 12 oz to daycare used to be 3 bottles with 4oz in them and then it became 4 bottles with 3oz in them.
 

Dreamer_D

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 16, 2007
Messages
25,234
AllieLuv83|1299118898|2863441 said:
Maybe it is because I pump and every little drop is so precious to me, that I am a nut about it. When I am sitting next to a kiln in the art room closet I think here is the 3rd bottle for daycare for tomorrow. There were days when 9-10oz of my milk was getting wasted because he would not eat the bottle that was not warm enough, so I have tried many different quantities in bottles so very little is wasted. Plus I am always concerned when he is not eating well so I try to mentally do math when I am picking him up by looking at the log. This is why I was so surprised when I opened up the fridge today and saw 2 bottles instead of 1 left over.

I basically am able to pump 12 oz in a day he get gets 12 oz to daycare used to be 3 bottles with 4oz in them and then it became 4 bottles with 3oz in them.

I think I would feel the same in your shoes! I was never able to produce for the pump and found the whole process so aversive, I don't know what I would have done if I went back to work when Hunter was so young. We are fortunate in Canada to get 12 months of mat leave. It makes things much easier. Is a nanny an option? It has its own set of troubles, but I always thought that if I needed to work when my kid was under 6 months I would go that route.
 

Mara

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 30, 2002
Messages
31,003
Allie, I can def understand why you are upset, that's liquid gold, I EP'd from 4mo to 6mo and it is definitely draining trying to get every last bit for your kid. But to some extent I do agree with DD re: trusting your caregivers and choosing battles. If this is a battle you decide is worth the hard fight or the removal, then by all means do it. This is your kid, your breast milk, your life--do what feels best to you. But yeah overall, having others watch my kid, I kind of have to be more laid back than I might if I was there to watch all the time. It was harder when he was younger but it's gotten easier. And if overall he's thriving and happy, then it's working out. There are times when I have to bite my tongue on things that seem like common sense to me with even a nanny watching your kid, but that person is not you.

I would def talk to the Director, do whatever you can to effect a change and give them that one last chance. I'd make sure to let them know they only have one more shot. All that said, I'd be PO'd thinking that my kid was given someone else's BM or something!
 

cara

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 21, 2006
Messages
2,202
Allie, while of course you should bring it up again, I think you are beyond your comfort level with these particular care providers so you should look elsewhere for his care. Unless, through conversations with your husband and the center, etc, you can feed confident in their caregiving again.

For the record, Silas is in daycare, and I do pump breastmilk for him, and we have had one or two errors with the feeding log, and I am not upset about them. Why? Well, partly because of my overall trust level with the caregivers, along the lines of what dreamer described, and their attentiveness to the babies such that I don't have an actual worry that they, say, didn't feed Silas for any substantial amount of time when he was hungry. When he's going through a growth spurt they are aware enough to notice and feed him more as needed. But also because the procedures they have in place to keep babies from being fed the wrong bottles make me think that, when the feeding log is wrong, the most likely explanation is that he was fed the proper bottle at a reasonable time and the person doing it was busy and forgot to fill out the log. Every baby has a tub for their bottles in the fridge, the bottles are labeled with the baby's name, the breastmilk bottles are labeled with big red stickers that say breastmilk, and, because the parents provide the bottles, they are all different brands and sizes. So to feed Silas the wrong bottle, one would have to pick a bottle from the wrong tub, ignore the label, and possibly ignore that it is not his usual brand or size of bottle. The staffing in his room is fairly consistent so they most often the person feeding him should be familiar with his type of bottle. So while it is definitely not a fool-proof system, there are enough safeguards in place that, combined with my overall comfort level with the caregivers, I have been inclined to give them the benefit of the doubt on the few notable errors we have had on the feeding log.

You clearly aren't there. And perhaps if I was getting errors more like your most recent one in which it seems likely your son was fed a bottle other than what you provided, I would be more concerned.

Anyway, sorry you are going through this! Good luck getting somewhere with the center director.
 

TravelingGal

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 29, 2004
Messages
17,193
Repeat after me. No one will ever take care of bubby as well as mommy does. No one. OK, there's the rare dad that does, but that's like a platypus sighting.

If you want your child to have your level of care, then you need to do it. Otherwise, you can't be a nut about how other people take care of your kids. You have to be reasonable. To be at wit's end over the error that happened to your son is being unreasonable, IMHO. For people who get nutty over other people taking care of their kids...well, then, those people stop wanting to take care of your kids. Or at worst, will give less quality care out of spite.

Even with the best mommy care, on many days I was pretty inept at caring for my one. If I was caring for 2.5 babies who weren't even my own (even if I were getting paid), I might make a boo boo here and there. If the kids were alive and thriving, I'd consider it a good day. :rodent:

Hope you find a solution that works for you.
 

phoenixgirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 20, 2003
Messages
3,388
Hugs! I know it is frustrating, and that your work and pumping schedules aren't easy.

As for what I would do, that's tough. I went back to teaching after C was born (she was there from months 3 through 8 ) and struggled to pump enough with my schedule and supply, so I can relate. I think I personally would give them one more chance like your husband suggested. If your son is happy and the ratio is 1 teacher to 2.5 children, I'd worry that you wouldn't find anything better than that with an immediate opening. Not to say that you couldn't, but it might take a lot of time that you don't have right now.

That said, I would definitely talk to the daycare director and lead teacher. As a teacher, I'm sure you will have a light touch when addressing your concerns since you've been on the other end of it. ;)) I'd probably say, "I know it's hard to keep track of 15 to 20 bottles for 5 different children, and mistakes happen. But I'm really sensitive about this issue because it's so darn hard to pump enough milk with my work schedule, and I want to make sure he's getting what he needs. Also, it's really important to me to know exactly when he eats so I can nurse him at the right times. I won't be able to keep him here if I can't trust his log to be accurate."

I think you'll get better "service" if you address your concerns.

But if your gut says to find a new place, it can't hurt at least to look into it. Your peace of mind is worth it.
 

hawaiianorangetree

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 17, 2009
Messages
2,692
Personally, I probably wouldn't pull my baby from a daycare that he loves over a feeding issue. I would feel that it was more important to have him in a place where he feels happy, secure and comfortable, than a place that records his feeding diligently but may not have the same kind of rapport with him as the first place.

I'm not saying that it has to be one way or the other but as t gal already stated no one will ever care for him like you do and it sounds like you are really lucky for him to have that kind of relationship with his carers already.

But of course, if you feel like you have lost all trust and faith in these people (which it sounds like you have) then you should keep looking for somewhere else, but please keep in mind that sometimes it's better the devil you know and the next place may have something else that you don't like about them, and the feeding issue may not seem as such a big deal as it does now.

My daughter was in part time daycare from about 7/8 months and although she was very happy there, there were a few things that used to annoy me and I considered moving her. I ended up needing an extra days care but couldn't get her in a the usual place so I booked her in to a council run (supposedly great) daycare that had been recommended to me. I went to pick her up and found her standing in the corner sobbing her poor little heart out with a soaking wet nappy that had not been changed all day. As soon as she saw me she burst in to tears, I grabbed her and checked her things, I supplied 3 nappies for the day and they were all still in her bag, that's how I knew she still had the same one on. I confronted the girls and they tried to tell me that they took the nappy off of her for the day and that is why she hadn't been changed (didn't explain the dirty soaking one she had on though!) I let rip, left the centre, never paid the fees and never returned.

I also had a new found appreciation for the daycare that didn't do everything perfect, but cared for my little girl and made her feel happy safe and secure in their care.

Having a baby in daycare is such an emotionally hard thing to do and I wish you all the best if finding a solution that works for you and Charlie. (I stalk the baby thread, you have a handsome little boy on your hands there!) :))
 

Loves Vintage

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Nov 19, 2007
Messages
4,568
Allie,

I have no first-hand experience here, yet, but I really feel for you. I know I would be beside myself if this happened to us. I totally don't get the suggestions that this is just something you have to deal with because no one will care for your baby the same way as you will. I get that babies in daycare maybe won't be cuddled as much or kissed as much or doted upon as much as a mother would, but this is simple record-keeping. Come on! They can't guarantee that your baby is getting fed the bottles you leave for him. This isn't rocket science. When I leave my dogs at the kennel, I bring their food for them, and the dogs get it. I can't have the same expectation for my BABY!! What this thread tells me, if my expectations really should be so low, is that I am going to be a B*#%$ to deal with for my baby's care provider when I go back to work, so hopefully we find someone who is competent, qualified and can count!!!

In this situation, I would want some reassurance from the director that she is going to somehow change the procedure for record-keeping to ensure greater accuracy. I'd also look at other places to see what's available.

Keep us posted!
 

AllieLuv83

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 22, 2007
Messages
1,453
Yes, yes I completely agree that you need to pick your battles. I guess the fact that he is only 4 months old and this just seems like unprofessional record keeping to me is what concerns me. I will voice my concerns to the director again. The fact that the director said to me "I had some issues with them feeding my son as well, but it turned out to be a miscommunication" just seems to weird. I talked to my sister whose sons went to goddard school and she told me that she NEVER had any issues with feedings. I am still so torn about this.
 

Puppmom

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 25, 2007
Messages
3,160
Allie, I’m sorry you’re so stressed out about this. As a pumping mom, I know how hard it is to keep up with the schedule and to think that your milk is being wasted is enough to make you bonkers. When MIL first started watching N I would cry (yes, cry) if she fed him more than I told her to or he had to take a third feeding from her. As time has gone by, I’ve become more relaxed about it but it was REALLY REALLY hard for me for the first few months.

I would definitely address the issue but I don’t think it’s a deal breaker – not yet anyway. Mistakes do happen because these people are human so you can’t expect everything to be perfect. This is something I have to remind myself EVERY DAY – when MIL leaves the fridge open (with my liquid gold in it!) or wheels the stroller with dirty wheels around my house or hasn’t changed N’s diaper in hours because he was in such a good mood that she didn’t want to upset him. Most importantly, N loves her and he’s so happy with her. You can’t beat that!
 

janinegirly

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 21, 2006
Messages
3,689
You've got some great feedback, so I guess the only thing I can add is that I do undertand a bit where you are coming from. Yes when you hand over your child to a caregiver you have to accept that they may do things not 100% to your liking, and yes if you want it be in lock step with your standards, you have to re-consider even using childcare. But the fact is not everyone has this option (of not using nanny/daycare) and I think the crux of your issue -and this is where I can understand- is TRUST and when something, whatever that may be, eats away at that, it is very hard to get it back. People have different tolerance levels but irregardless, if you feel somehow suspicious now, it's not a great place to be when you are handing your child over every day! I agree you should first weigh your options and put things in perspective..acting impulsively and taking your child out may leave you in an a bigger bind or you may rashly put your child in a day care that is actually a notch down. So this is really something you need to think about after the initial outrage has subsided. Yes you're justified in feeling the way you do because it's your child and ultimately it is YOU who needs to be comfortable and none of us can say what that might be or take. Just try to keep it within reason so it is the best case scenario for everyone.
As a disclaimer I have big trust issues too - I think this is why I have avoided daycare (despite working full time and looking at daycares repeatedly) and only allowing immediate family to watch my DD. This is something I need to work on though (for DD's benefit too now that she's a todder)!
 

hawaiianorangetree

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 17, 2009
Messages
2,692
LV is right, they Should be able to do something as simple as feeding / recording ESP for young babies when their feedings are so important. I think you should work on this issue with them though. Book a meeting with the director so you can hash out this problem and maybe come up with a better solution that works for everyone. Good luck!
 

Laila619

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 28, 2008
Messages
11,676
Loves Vintage|1299160178|2863658 said:
Allie,

I have no first-hand experience here, yet, but I really feel for you. I know I would be beside myself if this happened to us. I totally don't get the suggestions that this is just something you have to deal with because no one will care for your baby the same way as you will. I get that babies in daycare maybe won't be cuddled as much or kissed as much or doted upon as much as a mother would, but this is simple record-keeping. Come on! They can't guarantee that your baby is getting fed the bottles you leave for him. This isn't rocket science. When I leave my dogs at the kennel, I bring their food for them, and the dogs get it. I can't have the same expectation for my BABY!! What this thread tells me, if my expectations really should be so low, is that I am going to be a B*#%$ to deal with for my baby's care provider when I go back to work, so hopefully we find someone who is competent, qualified and can count!!!

In this situation, I would want some reassurance from the director that she is going to somehow change the procedure for record-keeping to ensure greater accuracy. I'd also look at other places to see what's available.

Keep us posted!

Ditto to all of this.

It's especially concerning to me because he could have 1) gone unfed, 2) had another baby's formula, or 3) drank someone else's breast milk.
 

NovemberBride

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 26, 2006
Messages
962
Allie,

My DD has been in daycare since she was 12 weeks old. I also pumped for her for the first 6 months. I totally understand where you are coming from with the breastmilk, I have literally cried over spilled (breast)milk. I absolutely love my daycare and I am extremely happy with the care my daughter gets there. But, I also had a couple of situations early on in her care where I thought about pulling her out of her daycare. In retrospect these weren't huge issues, but as a first time mom every issue seemed like life or death. Luckily DH and my mom talked some reason into me. In each instance, when I calmed down and thought about it, I realized that I chose this daycare for a reason after interviewing about 6 different places. I also realized that I was holding them to an impossible standard and that it was unlikely I'd be happier anywhere else. No one is perfect and mistakes do get made.

Several posters have mentioned that it shouldn't be that hard to log when babies eat. I will say that there is no way I could keep perfect logs of when my daughter eats, sleeps and gets changed and there is only one of her and I am her mom. Think about it - one teacher and 2.5 babies - as teacher finishes feeding one baby another starts to cry, so she goes to pick him up, then another needs a diaper change, and so on and she forgets to write down that feeding. As Dreamer and others have said, if you trust the teachers have your child's best interests at heart and that they are caring for him well (feeding him when hungry, changing him, giving him attention), then I would try not to be so worried about the logs and such. I know it is easier said then done. But if you don't trust them and you think you could get better care elsewhere, then I would definitely start looking. But keep in mind that there is no such thing as the perfect daycare and you will be able to find fault with all of them, because they aren't you!

I think it's interesting that the moms saying it's not that big of a deal are the toddler moms and the ones saying it's a huge, unforgiveable issue are the newer moms. I do think a big part of it is perspective and as your kid gets a little older you'll be less stressed about some of these things because you'll realize your kid will be just fine even if he misses one bottle. There's nothing wrong with it, we've all been there, done that. Just wait till your kid gets to the toddler room and the biting starts. First you'll be enraged that the teachers "allowed" your kid to get bit. That's until your kid starts biting you every time you turn around and you get a call from the teacher every single day for a week telling you that your kid bit another kid. Then you'll be hoping that the other parents understand that these things happen!
 

Mara

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 30, 2002
Messages
31,003
Great post NB..!! I think what you say is totally true--especially the potential 'scenario' around how it could have happened. I can't tell you how many times I mean to do something then J distracts me and I go to him instead. And then 5 min later I am thinking, what was I jsut doing?

There's a reason that a product like the Itzbeen is so popular, it helps you remember when you last did something in all the chaos around a baby in those first months! I agree that keeping logs should be easy but there's so many 'should be's' when it comes to raising a kid or caring for a baby. Not saying what happened is right, but I can see how it could occur without someone being a total slack or irresponsible.
 

Loves Vintage

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Nov 19, 2007
Messages
4,568
NB - Interesting observation about the newer moms' vs. more experienced moms' differing reactions. You may be on to something there! Truly, I have no experience, and yes, any little deviation from ideal does seem so potentially catastrophic right now. I'll admit to that! And, yes, the scenario you mention is totally plausible and understandable, however, the day care should just own up to it, if that is the case. I'd much prefer to be told that "yes, today was a difficult day for us, and we may have mis-recorded, but be assured, we would NEVER give your baby the wrong bottle, we all know the type of bottle you bring in for your baby, so even though it was hectic and we didn't record properly, you can rest assured that baby did not receive some other mom's milk" vs. "nope, we record everything every time and even though it doesn't add up in this case, we are just going to keep saying something that doesn't make sense because we will never admit to a mistake." Or course, we all make mistakes. I'd be totally receptive to having an honest conversation about that so long as I am left with reassurance that the baby didn't receive someone else's milk, but I would have serious misgivings if they insisted the log book is correct, if it didn't match up with the number of bottles remaining.
 

AllieLuv83

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 22, 2007
Messages
1,453
Re: UPDATE ** Daycare troubles - WWYD?

UPDATE:

I went into the daycare to pick up yesterday. My favorite teacher Miss Jenn was there and she started to tear up, said that she has been up all night thinking and that she realized that she never gave him the second bottle, and that she accidentally wrote down another babies bottle on Charlie's log. She apologized profusely. I told her that mistakes happen and that I make mistakes in the hustle and bustle of the day.

In the situation I don't think that my feeling were those of an overreaction. My first thoughts were that he was fed someone elses bottle or breast milk or formula and had that actually been the case then I WOULD have pulled him out of that daycare. I honestly don't think that any mom would be okay with their child getting someone else's breast milk by accident or not. If you would be okay with that then you are a much more relaxed mom than I am and KUDOS to that. That mistake would not have been forgivable to me. I view this as totally different from getting someone else's fruits or veggies, or even rice cereal. Call me CRAZY or a new mom but I will feel the same way with baby #2 and #3 as well.

I would have also thought twice about pulling him if they never came up with an answer to what had happened that day, and continued to stick to the story that they fed him 3 bottles and everything matched up.

Since the mystery has been solved we will continue to attend this daycare.

Thank you again for all of the perspectives it is interesting to see the different view points of other moms.
 

Girlrocks

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 19, 2006
Messages
575
I didn't respond before but now I will...I am glad that you found out what happened and resolved the situation. I would have handled it exactly as you did! I agree...bottles are completely different than fruit or cereal. I would be worried about someone else's breast milk also (Yikes!!). What if your child had an allergy to cow's milk and was on special formula...this could cause serious harm to a child.

I think it's a HUGE deal if a daycare can't keep track of the feeding schedule of the infants in their care. I used to have an in-home daycare, and I was meticulous about record keeping. That's what you sign up for when you commit to take care of other people's children!! I don't think it's acceptable at all to say "we fed your kid, we don't know what, but we swear we did". I'm glad that the teacher figured out what happened. Accidents do happen, everyone can make a mistake and it seems like she was genuinely sorry about it and is taking it seriously.
 

Dreamer_D

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 16, 2007
Messages
25,234
Allie I'm glad to see the situation resolved to your satisfaction. Hopefully, it never happens again.

I think this is a great general discussion about daycares, though, so I wanted to comment on a couple others things too..

Loves Vintage|1299239057|2864482 said:
...I'd much prefer to be told that "yes, today was a difficult day for us, and we may have mis-recorded, but be assured, we would NEVER give your baby the wrong bottle, we all know the type of bottle you bring in for your baby, so even though it was hectic and we didn't record properly, you can rest assured that baby did not receive some other mom's milk" vs. "nope, we record everything every time and even though it doesn't add up in this case, we are just going to keep saying something that doesn't make sense because we will never admit to a mistake." Or course, we all make mistakes. I'd be totally receptive to having an honest conversation about that so long as I am left with reassurance that the baby didn't receive someone else's milk, but I would have serious misgivings if they insisted the log book is correct, if it didn't match up with the number of bottles remaining.

Maybe they did not recall making the mistake? That seems to be the case given how this all turned out. You are right, that is how it should have gone down. But on the other hand, at least at my centre, which is a very reputable centre where all the teachers have early childhood education cetificates, all the educators and *very* young women. Most under 25 I think. So perhaps some maturity explains things in some cases? Not necessarily Allie's specific case, but in our case, when the log is off (which is very often is in our center despite thier wonderful standard of care), I chalk it up to young busy women who prioritize caring for the kiddos over keeping records.
I have mentioned before that when Hunter started daycare I spend a lot of time there. An hour or so every day for 2 months, on my lunch hour. In that time I witnessed the comings and goings at the center and it was an eye opener for me. I came away concluding a couple things. 1) their job is very difficult, I could not personally do it. 2) they love and care for the kids in an amazing way. and 3) I am willing to trust that they will do as good a job as me... and I often forgot whether I fed Hunter or not ;-) For example, some kids will not nap at daycare because they are used to nursing to sleep etc. So you know what they caregivers do? They rock the child and then SIT IN A CHAIR for an hour holding the baby so she can nap! If I was that children's parent I would be so grateful, and it would compensate by far for any record keeping issues or even occassional feeding mix-ups that could ensue because that caregiver was "off the floor" so to speak. As I said, if you are anxious about daycare or an anxious mom generally and can swing something like this, I highly recommend such an observation period to help set your mind at ease... or convince you that the daycare is not for you.

Novebmber Bride I really think your biting analogy is a good one to put everything in perspective. Hunter was being bitten daily for about a week, and on another more recent occassion he was scratched in the face quite badly. On the other hand, he was the kid who when we dropped him off would walk over to his friends and haul out and smack them in the head! The caregivers responded appropriately for the age of the kids. In the end, these things happen and it is part of communal care.

(As an aside, it is HIGHLY unlikely a child would be given someone else's bottle at most daycares for all the reasons Cara outlined. The much more likely possibility in a situation like this is an omitted feeding, which would not bother me terribly because if they missed a feed and my kiddo needed it, then he would wail and altert the staff to the omission. If he did not wail, then it was not such a grave oversight to me.)
 

Laila619

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 28, 2008
Messages
11,676
Re: UPDATE ** Daycare troubles - WWYD?

AllieLuv83|1299248087|2864535 said:
My first thoughts were that he was fed someone elses bottle or breast milk or formula and had that actually been the case then I WOULD have pulled him out of that daycare. I honestly don't think that any mom would be okay with their child getting someone else's breast milk by accident or not.

Agreed! And it has nothing to do with whether you're a new mom or a more experienced mom.

Anyway, glad the teacher let you know what happened and she apologized.
 

Sabine

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 16, 2007
Messages
3,445
Someone on another mommy site posted that she was considering pulling her toddler out of daycare for a feeding issue. Her issue was that her LO is allergic to milk and eggs, and although part of the cost of daycare includes meals while there, her providers refused to offer an alternate food option if the day's option included milk or egg products. So she would send her own alternate food, but at the end of the day find out that her food wasn't even offered to her kid. She was worried that they were going to let her kid eat some of the egg/milk included food even though her kid is ALLERGIC.

To me, that's a serious issue, and it's about the willingness of the daycare providers to work with you and fix any issues that you have. Mistakes happen. I get that you were more upset by the fact that they didn't feel like they made a mistake when it was obvious there had to be SOME kind of mistake, but I still think your reaction was a little extreme and that if you do end up leaving this daycare over a mistake like that, you're going to have a tough time finding a daycare that really does live up to your high standard of care.
 

AllieLuv83

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 22, 2007
Messages
1,453
Yes my reaction WAS extreme for two reasons.

1. This was the second feeding/recording error in a span of the 2 months that Charlie has attended that daycare.

2. It was handled by the director but filed under the "I am not sure what to tell you" column.

With this said, I did NOT march into the directors office yelling and overreacting. I went in calmly told her the situation, a look of horror came over HER face because her immediate reaction was the same thought that I had. She said she would look into it and get back to me and I thanked her and left the center for the day.

I already mentioned that we will not be pulling, but still continue to stick by my feelings and reactions be it extreme or not.

Unfortunately, I don't have the opportunity to visit him at daycare during the day, and really rely on the few minutes spent at the end of the day with his teacher to get an idea about his day. I do really like her as a person, she is warm and kind, Charlie likes her a lot, but that would not have stopped me from removing him from that daycare if the "wrong milk" scenario ended up being true.
 
Be a part of the community Get 3 HCA Results
Top