Sister Wives on TLC

[princesss]

I watched and am probably going to continue watching. So far it's what I expected, but I'll be interested to see how things go as more challenging situations come up. For some reason I'm fascinated by the realities of polygamy, and I'm hoping this show will go beyond the surface and show actual emotion (like they began to in the last 5 minutes of the show last night).

 

[slg47]

I wonder if the new wife is sort of 'just for the show'...the timing seems almost too good to be true? just for the show isn't the right word, but perhaps he started...looking for a new wife...once he knew he would be on a reality show?

 

[Callisto]

I think the concept of raising children in a community has tremendous benefits that most modern citizens do not gain as part of nuclear family. However, I think that they are just as attainable when each woman has her OWN husband. But to each his own...

ETA: I haven't seen the show as I don't have cable but never really liked the family reality shows anyways. What's that saying about the fact of observation changes what is observed...? I kinda feel that way about reality TV of this sort.

 

[zipzapgirl]

I had no idea about the show beforehand, but ended up flipping through and finding it at the tail end of Hoarders (Now if that's not a show to make you feel better about your life, I don't know what is! )

I watched the whole show, and I felt like it was a very interesting intro to their lives. Sometimes you could literally feel how uncomfortable they were with the cameras around (like when the husband goes to pick up the new GF for the date) and the cameras are following the husband around when he says good night to each of his wives.

It was interesting to me how "normal" they seemed compared to the pictures of polygamists that we saw in the news a few years ago. The women talked a lot about how they have to focus on all of their relationships with each other, with the husband, and on fostering the husband's relationships with the other women. It was a little spooky, but they spoke very articulately about the advantages and pitfalls of polygamy. The first wife came from a polygamist family (he was mormon, but his family was not polygamist) and they chose a second wife together after 2 years. She wasn't from a polygamist family. Then the third wife came along a year later--she was from a polygamist family and always knew she wanted to be the third wife in a family. The first two wives seem to work and the third is mainly staying at home with all of the kids. It was a really interesting sharing of duties between the women.

I am going to keep watching because I was intrigued with their motivations and their tradeoffs. I'm not a proponent of polygamy, but I did think that they made the best argument for it that I have ever seen.

 

[vespergirl]

I wonder how or if they file taxes.

That is very judgemental. You may not agree with their lifestyle, but is there any evidence that they are cheating on taxes? It seems to me like quite a stretch, as though the fact that they have an unconventional lifestyle implies that they do not follow the law.

Octavia - poligamy refers to oficial mariage, not living arrangements. If the husband has only one oficial wife and the others are just living together, then it is quite legal. Socially, I do think they will get a lot of reactions and I hope they have thought it through, specially the effects it might have on the children.

Davi actually makes a very good point. Even though I don't have a problem with polygamy in general (I am a libertarian and think Americans who are consenting adults should be able to marry whomever they want, whether it be a traditional marriage, multiple partners, or same-sex marriages) - I do have a big problem with welfare fraud though, and that's the status quo in polygamous relationships. I have no idea about this particular family, but in general, in polygamous families, the first wife is the legal wife, and the others are usually legally regarded as "unemployed single mothers," and usually they have half a dozen kids or more that the taxpayers are supporting - they are truly the ultimate "welfare queens". In fact, this is usually the reason that the Utah state authorities use to investigate and prosecute polygamists. Most of them are committing welfare fraud, so I think it's sickening that taxpayers have to support their lifestyles.

If they made polygamous marriage legal, and the husbands actually had to financially support their own children, I think that we would see fewer wives and children in those arrangements.

I did watch the show, and honestly they seem like a bunch of religious-fanatic hicks to me, but that just must be the jaded New Yorker in me talking ...

 

[Autumnovember]

I wonder how or if they file taxes.

That is very judgemental. You may not agree with their lifestyle, but is there any evidence that they are cheating on taxes? It seems to me like quite a stretch, as though the fact that they have an unconventional lifestyle implies that they do not follow the law.

Octavia - poligamy refers to oficial mariage, not living arrangements. If the husband has only one oficial wife and the others are just living together, then it is quite legal. Socially, I do think they will get a lot of reactions and I hope they have thought it through, specially the effects it might have on the children.

Davi actually makes a very good point. Even though I don't have a problem with polygamy in general (I am a libertarian and think Americans who are consenting adults should be able to marry whomever they want, whether it be a traditional marriage, multiple partners, or same-sex marriages) - I do have a big problem with welfare fraud though, and that's the status quo in polygamous relationships. I have no idea about this particular family, but in general, in polygamous families, the first wife is the legal wife, and the others are usually legally regarded as "unemployed single mothers," and usually they have half a dozen kids or more that the taxpayers are supporting - they are truly the ultimate "welfare queens". In fact, this is usually the reason that the Utah state authorities use to investigate and prosecute polygamists. Most of them are committing welfare fraud, so I think it's sickening that taxpayers have to support their lifestyles.

If they made polygamous marriage legal, and the husbands actually had to financially support their own children, I think that we would see fewer wives and children in those arrangements.

I did watch the show, and honestly they seem like a bunch of religious-fanatic hicks to me, but that just must be the jaded New Yorker in me talking ...

Since when did hicks drive a two door lexus?

 

[vespergirl]

Here's a link to an article which details the welfare fraud that runs rampant in polygamous communities:
http://www.rickross.com/reference/polygamy/polygamy5.html

 

[ForteKitty]

vesper, i just read that article and i'm completely disgusted.

 

[princesss]

I wonder how or if they file taxes.

That is very judgemental. You may not agree with their lifestyle, but is there any evidence that they are cheating on taxes? It seems to me like quite a stretch, as though the fact that they have an unconventional lifestyle implies that they do not follow the law.

Octavia - poligamy refers to oficial mariage, not living arrangements. If the husband has only one oficial wife and the others are just living together, then it is quite legal. Socially, I do think they will get a lot of reactions and I hope they have thought it through, specially the effects it might have on the children.

Davi actually makes a very good point. Even though I don't have a problem with polygamy in general (I am a libertarian and think Americans who are consenting adults should be able to marry whomever they want, whether it be a traditional marriage, multiple partners, or same-sex marriages) - I do have a big problem with welfare fraud though, and that's the status quo in polygamous relationships. I have no idea about this particular family, but in general, in polygamous families, the first wife is the legal wife, and the others are usually legally regarded as "unemployed single mothers," and usually they have half a dozen kids or more that the taxpayers are supporting - they are truly the ultimate "welfare queens". In fact, this is usually the reason that the Utah state authorities use to investigate and prosecute polygamists. Most of them are committing welfare fraud, so I think it's sickening that taxpayers have to support their lifestyles.

If they made polygamous marriage legal, and the husbands actually had to financially support their own children, I think that we would see fewer wives and children in those arrangements.

I did watch the show, and honestly they seem like a bunch of religious-fanatic hicks to me, but that just must be the jaded New Yorker in me talking ...

Since when did hicks drive a two door lexus?

Bigger question - why does he get a car that can only comfortably fit 2 people when the moms have practical cars?

 

[Autumnovember]

I wonder how or if they file taxes.

That is very judgemental. You may not agree with their lifestyle, but is there any evidence that they are cheating on taxes? It seems to me like quite a stretch, as though the fact that they have an unconventional lifestyle implies that they do not follow the law.

Octavia - poligamy refers to oficial mariage, not living arrangements. If the husband has only one oficial wife and the others are just living together, then it is quite legal. Socially, I do think they will get a lot of reactions and I hope they have thought it through, specially the effects it might have on the children.

Davi actually makes a very good point. Even though I don't have a problem with polygamy in general (I am a libertarian and think Americans who are consenting adults should be able to marry whomever they want, whether it be a traditional marriage, multiple partners, or same-sex marriages) - I do have a big problem with welfare fraud though, and that's the status quo in polygamous relationships. I have no idea about this particular family, but in general, in polygamous families, the first wife is the legal wife, and the others are usually legally regarded as "unemployed single mothers," and usually they have half a dozen kids or more that the taxpayers are supporting - they are truly the ultimate "welfare queens". In fact, this is usually the reason that the Utah state authorities use to investigate and prosecute polygamists. Most of them are committing welfare fraud, so I think it's sickening that taxpayers have to support their lifestyles.

If they made polygamous marriage legal, and the husbands actually had to financially support their own children, I think that we would see fewer wives and children in those arrangements.

I did watch the show, and honestly they seem like a bunch of religious-fanatic hicks to me, but that just must be the jaded New Yorker in me talking ...

Since when did hicks drive a two door lexus?

Bigger question - why does he get a car that can only comfortably fit 2 people when the moms have practical cars?

I was wondering the very same thing last night. I had my assumptions of what kind of car he drove beforehand and when I saw what it was I was very surprised but that was probably just me being stereotypical.

 

[ForteKitty]

how is he gonna pick up more wives if he drives a mom-car?

 

[Autumnovember]

how is he gonna pick up more wives if he drives a mom-car?

He could at least have a nice SUV or something!

 

[ForteKitty]

that way he wont have to watch the kids?

 

[Autumnovember]

that way he wont have to watch the kids?

I like the way you think, Forte

 

[waxing lyrical]

I think that families come in all different variations, and there is no reason that a family like that cannot be really happy and functioning, they have the same shot at it as any other family I think. I plan to watch it, I am curious.

Some days I would not mind having another wife around to share the work.

This.

Not really a big deal to me. I have no qualms with polygamy and polyamory between consenting adults.

 

[lucyandroger]

I have the show DVR'ed. Probably won't have time to watch it until this weekend but I did come across this article this morning....

Police Investigating Sister Wives Stars for Felony Bigamy: http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20429667,00.html

 

[lulu]

I've seen other documentaries about polygamy and I did watch the show. I am very impressed by them as they all seem happy and industrious and the kids are very well adjusted. It may be more fulfilling for the women too as the ones who want can go to school or have a career and the homebody stays with the kids.

Of course I'm sure there are families that don't do this well and I wonder why they're coming out since they'll obviously be prosecuted as an example.

 

[somethingshiny]

I have lots of random thoughts after finally watching the show (I DVRd).

I have studied Mormonism and Fundamentalism so I'm very confused by their version of religion.

They all said they don't care if their kids stay in the faith. This is fundamentally incorrect for a Fundamentalist. The reason they live the lifestyle is because they believe they're following the revelations of the prophet and will be going to heaven. They only pray together 3 times a week which is almost like being a heathen in that lifestyle. Also, the people in the show don't mention revelation, prophet, or other things that a Fundamentalist family would talk about throughout the entire day. A Fundamentalist man's wives are revealed to him through God. Mormons and a Fundamentalists are "sealed" to their spouses and their children. The sealing is a sacred ceremony that is very private and they feel will keep them married and family in the after life. This guy never mentions anything of revelations, sealing, etc. It seems to me that they are embracing the lifestyle for other reasons besides religion.

The first wife obviously wanted a lot of children. It feels like she embraced the lifestyle so she could have them. The second wife seems like she just wanted it all--a career and children without the usual mommy guilt because there are other mommies at bat. The third wife (saying that she always wanted to be the third wife) seems scared to death. She stated she never wanted to be a first wife because she didn't want to be married "alone." That indicates to me that there is a fear of men.


The guy said something about being good at one marriage so he should have more. Um, WTH? He was married for like 10 minutes before taking more wives. He didn't have an opportunity to see how "good" he was.

I know I'm passing a lot of judgement here, but those are my thoughts so far on the show. I really am confused by their "faith."




They all seem happy about it though and none of them seem forced into marriage so whatever.

 

[princesss]

I have lots of random thoughts after finally watching the show (I DVRd).

I have studied Mormonism and Fundamentalism so I'm very confused by their version of religion.

They all said they don't care if their kids stay in the faith. This is fundamentally incorrect for a Fundamentalist. The reason they live the lifestyle is because they believe they're following the revelations of the prophet and will be going to heaven. They only pray together 3 times a week which is almost like being a heathen in that lifestyle. Also, the people in the show don't mention revelation, prophet, or other things that a Fundamentalist family would talk about throughout the entire day. A Fundamentalist man's wives are revealed to him through God. Mormons and a Fundamentalists are "sealed" to their spouses and their children. The sealing is a sacred ceremony that is very private and they feel will keep them married and family in the after life. This guy never mentions anything of revelations, sealing, etc. It seems to me that they are embracing the lifestyle for other reasons besides religion.

The first wife obviously wanted a lot of children. It feels like she embraced the lifestyle so she could have them. The second wife seems like she just wanted it all--a career and children without the usual mommy guilt because there are other mommies at bat. The third wife (saying that she always wanted to be the third wife) seems scared to death. She stated she never wanted to be a first wife because she didn't want to be married "alone." That indicates to me that there is a fear of men.


The guy said something about being good at one marriage so he should have more. Um, WTH? He was married for like 10 minutes before taking more wives. He didn't have an opportunity to see how "good" he was.

I know I'm passing a lot of judgement here, but those are my thoughts so far on the show. I really am confused by their "faith."




They all seem happy about it though and none of them seem forced into marriage so whatever.

The second wife (very briefly) mentioned having a revelation about Robyn, but you're right - that was about it as far as the FLDS lingo went.

 

[Iowa Lizzy]

somethingshiny, you made some good points about what wasn't said on the show regarding prophets, sealing, etc, But maybe it was said and the producers edited it out for fear that people want to watch to see a polygamist family and not feel like they've got missionaries coming through their TVs to convert them or preach. But I dunno. Maybe they're "pick and choose fundamentalists."

I thought they just seemed pretty, I dunno, happy. The idea of bringing in this 4th wife does seem a little weird to me. Something isn't meshing with me about that.

I dated a Mormon for four years (my first boyfriend. His family and church desperately tried to get me to convert). This show is giving me all sorts of flashbacks! Like the crossing the arms rather than hands when praying, I wonder what the significance of that is. But anyway, my boyfriend's LDS family seemed so much more fundamentalist than the TLC family. I'll be curious to watch more episodes and to see what the media uncovers about this family.

 

[somethingshiny]

I think the pick and choose is right. Even creative editing like you mentioned doesn't account for not caring if the children stayed religious.

btw- arms crossed is supposed to be a sign of reverence. (I heartily disagree and think it is very standoffish which is inappropriate during prayers, IMO)

 

[Iowa Lizzy]

ETA: I haven't seen the show as I don't have cable but never really liked the family reality shows anyways. What's that saying about the fact of observation changes what is observed...? I kinda feel that way about reality TV of this sort.

The Hawthorne Effect. (A form of reactivity whereby subjects improve an aspect of their behavior being experimentally measured simply in response to the fact that they are being studied, not in response to any particular experimental manipulation. - from Wikipedia)

I always wonder if Jon & Kate would still be married if they never had the show.

 

[Sha]

I have lots of random thoughts after finally watching the show (I DVRd).

I have studied Mormonism and Fundamentalism so I'm very confused by their version of religion.

They all said they don't care if their kids stay in the faith. This is fundamentally incorrect for a Fundamentalist. The reason they live the lifestyle is because they believe they're following the revelations of the prophet and will be going to heaven. They only pray together 3 times a week which is almost like being a heathen in that lifestyle. Also, the people in the show don't mention revelation, prophet, or other things that a Fundamentalist family would talk about throughout the entire day. A Fundamentalist man's wives are revealed to him through God. Mormons and a Fundamentalists are "sealed" to their spouses and their children. The sealing is a sacred ceremony that is very private and they feel will keep them married and family in the after life. This guy never mentions anything of revelations, sealing, etc. It seems to me that they are embracing the lifestyle for other reasons besides religion.

The first wife obviously wanted a lot of children. It feels like she embraced the lifestyle so she could have them. The second wife seems like she just wanted it all--a career and children without the usual mommy guilt because there are other mommies at bat. The third wife (saying that she always wanted to be the third wife) seems scared to death. She stated she never wanted to be a first wife because she didn't want to be married "alone." That indicates to me that there is a fear of men.


The guy said something about being good at one marriage so he should have more. Um, WTH? He was married for like 10 minutes before taking more wives. He didn't have an opportunity to see how "good" he was.

I know I'm passing a lot of judgement here, but those are my thoughts so far on the show. I really am confused by their "faith."




They all seem happy about it though and none of them seem forced into marriage so whatever.

The second wife (very briefly) mentioned having a revelation about Robyn, but you're right - that was about it as far as the FLDS lingo went.

Hmm...,, interesting thoughts, shiny.

Can't believe I missed it! I checked the schedule on TLC and it isn't been replayed either.... Boo.

 

[Iowa Lizzy]

I think the pick and choose is right. Even creative editing like you mentioned doesn't account for not caring if the children stayed religious.

btw- arms crossed is supposed to be a sign of reverence. (I heartily disagree and think it is very standoffish which is inappropriate during prayers, IMO)

Thanks for explaining that! I had always wondered but never asked (or Googled).

 

[somethingshiny]

TG~ I love studying religion and for some reason I became slightly obsessed while studying Mormonism and Fundamentalism. For a Christian religion, they're so different than just about any other.

 

[Iowa Lizzy]

Is anyone still watching? I watched last night and I think I'm going to have to keep watching. I want to see what's going to happen. I also read that the husband is being investigated for felony bigamy by the Utah police.

 

[slg47]

TG I read that too. I watched last night's episodes

 

[miraclesrule]

I watched two episodes. It was too superficial and all about the women. It floored me when the pregnant one is crying because Robyn kissed Kody before the ceremony and she was so hurt by Robyn and Robyn is crying because she feels so bad that she hurt the other baby mama. wtf??? Why isn't anyone mad at Kody for breaking the old rules without everyone's consent first? Ugh....
I can't watch a show like this....

The reality show worth watching is "If you really knew me" on MTV.

 

[monarch64]

I watched two episodes. It was too superficial and all about the women. It floored me when the pregnant one is crying because Robyn kissed Kody before the ceremony and she was so hurt by Robyn and Robyn is crying because she feels so bad that she hurt the other baby mama. wtf??? Why isn't anyone mad at Kody for breaking the old rules without everyone's consent first? Ugh....
I can't watch a show like this....

The reality show worth watching is "If you really knew me" on MTV.

Totally agree with your last liine, MR. Totally.

 

[monarch64]

Great. Great decision by men if everything is "pure" and the "wives" decide that those are their wishes.

I have a really different take on this whole matter and my hands are shaking as I type. I have thought about this for days, whether to post, whether to stfu, whether to post anonymously, etc. Might as well just post.

My ex-husband was perfectly willing and pressured me to "live the dream" of HIM living a double life (in his own words). He wanted to be married to me, and have this other life in which we would partake in sexual activities outside of our marriage. I won't go into detail about the things he wanted me to participate in. Let me just say that multiple people were involved, and I was adverse to all of it. His rationale was that no one would ever know. I did not want any of it on my conscience and I never condoned any of it--but he was very insistent. I blatantly ignored his wishes and I was very defiant in the relationship. I always knew I could not be a part of what he wanted.

I don't think that polygamy is any different than that. Therefore, it totally disgusts me. I don't think it's right, I don't think it does anyone ANY good, and I don't think it's fair for anyone involved, including relatives, children, or friends. I think it's ridiculous and an excuse for someone to live out his (lacking the proper adjective) ridiculous fantasies!

Try telling your parents why you didn't stay married/came home/had to live with them for 8 months. Try telling all of your friends and family that "things just didn't work out."

It was horrible. These 4 women have absolutely been brainwashed, and their children...well, they'll go on and live somewhat productive lives. Thanks "Dad."

Disgusting. What happened to marriage between two people? What are same sex couples fighting for in this country? Are we going to fight next for "whatever, wherever, whenever?""" Then what does marriage mean??? I'm totally lost.