Does buying lots of toys = spoiled?

[Sabine]

If your kid isn't even old enough to ask for toys yet?

Dh keeps making comments about the number of toys I've been buying for ds (13 months). But at this point, the toys are more for ME than they are for him really. Since I'm a SAHM, getting new toys is a way to help keep him entertained (it's been raining for 3 days straight here, and even when it's not raining, it's too hot to be outside for more than 5 minutes and we live in the middle of nowhere).

Plus, what usually happens is that I hear about something other kids have to play with, and I realize that ds has nothing like it, so I worry he's missing out on learning opportunities because he doesn't have something (my most recent purchase was musical instruments, ds didn't have any other than a little piano). When I hear about other kids his age starting to figure out how to do wooden shape puzzles, I think, hey, I should get one and see if he can do it, etc.

I do buy a LOT of stuff on craigslist if I can, and then I also look for stuff at 2nd hand shops or wait for sales, so it's not really a money issue, dh just doesn't get why ds needs all this stuff.

I've also tried putting some toys away for a while, then bringing them out again so they seem new, but this gets old quick.

 

[fieryred33143]

I tend to buy Sophia something every time I go somewhere that has stuff for her. I'm starting to buy her more books and clothes for the next season rather than toys now though.

Is she spoiled? Yes. Is she spoiled rotten? No. She's too young IMO to understand what it means to have lots of toys.

 

[swingirl]

A lot of toys is probably unnecessary because your kiddo will play with whatever he has in front of him, whether its 10 toys or 100. If I were you, I'd chill on the quantity, research on age appropriate toys and SAVE YOUR MONEY for when he actually starts asking for specific items based on his interests.

And for your own amusement--how about a hobby?

 

[DivaDiamond007]

Meh. James has a lot of toys, but we don't really buy him any. His aunts, uncles and grandparents do though! Right now all he really likes to play with are his tractors (2), wooden train set, and hot wheels. All of the other stuff stays in one of two toy baskets that we have. One is a nice Longaberger that is in our living room and the other is a cheapie plastic tub that is in his room. When both baskets are overflowing we go through and box up anything that he's no longer interested in.

We also have a few outside only toys, but as Sabine mentioned, it's been too hot to play outside for like the past 2 months so those will seem like new when the weather finally cools down.

I would say that James is spoiled but not because of how many toys he has.

 

[Mara]

Heck yeah J is spoiled but it has nothing to do with how many toys he has. He's the only grandchild, only child, only whatever, you name it. We will definitely have to try to make sure he's not spoiled rotten or spoiled as in an entitled attitude etc.

But from a TOY perspective--I have only bought him about 3 toys. Everything else were gifts. Our house is small and I do not want toys strewn in every square inch of the house. I also try to keep the house really neat even though a baby lives here. He has a walker and there's a swing which we'll be giving back to our neighbors soon, god willing. And a doorway jumper, like the mat easily stowed. Every night I clean it all up (less than 5 min) to restore it to normal.

There are 5000 toys out there for kids. It is really hard to know what is going to stimulate or be the best fit for your kid--overwhelming really. When we bought him his learning table I researched a fair amt-- I just wanted to get ONE toy that was as multi functional for as long as possible. I also got him a small Haba caterpillar and a stacking ring set, all of the above go at least to 12mo if not 2 years.

I agree re researching to find one or two toys instead of 10. Also, I am interested in things that he likes that aren't even really toys. My kid entertained himself for 15min one night with his bottle/nipple cover. It's amazing what can be a toy. And I don't necessarily think you have to get a 'toy' to help them from a development perspective either. BUT from a SAHM perspective, I hear ya re: wanting to make sure the entertainment is there so you have sanity.

ETA...one other note re: toys. If there is a group of Moms you are close with, can you do toy swapping? It's something I have thought of ... if your kid gets bored with toys after a few weeks, trade them out with another Mom for another few weeks. I would much rather do toy swapping with local Moms than buying new toys all the time that the kid only uses for a few months or something!

 

[steph72276]

I don't think having lots of toys equals spoiled rotten, BUT you don't want to start something where every time you go to the store he asks for a toy. To this day, Andrew never asks for toys when we have to go to Target or WalMart. I never really bought him many toys other than books, and that is because I could get them so cheap when I was a teacher. They seemed to get so much from the family, that I never needed to and didn't want to add more to what he already had. And now E can play with A's old toys, so no need to buy much more. I would say get a few development type toys though, the puzzles and musical instruments are good.

 

[soocool]

When DD was little I bought the usual toys, stuffed animals, building blocks, puzzle shapes, tub toys (she never refused a bath!) or anything that would help her with her hand eye coordination. Little Tykes basketball hoop with stand that was adjustable, T-ball set, dress up clothes. I don't think she had too many toys, but she definitely did not have any "high tech" toys. No Leap Frog (I think this was still very new when she was little)etc.

I also kept a huge craft box with plain paper plates, popsicle sticks, pipecleaners, beads (the larger ones), crayons, markers, colored paper, etc. We made tons of stuff with these and DD was never bored. We also made puppets out of socks etc. DD was never bored because she could always create a new game or project. Origami was always a favorite and she made her first one when she was 4.

As for books, I did really well at garage sales and you wouldn't believe the "nearly new" (I swear they were never even looked at) books we got for next to nothing, Dr Seuss, Curious George, Berenstain Bears, Madeline, Magic School Bus, etc... I still have most of them.

Also, DD 1s 17 and she still makes stuff from her Leggo's and K'Nex (These were for school projects so if you have them hold on to them your kid might use them again!)

 

[dragonfly411]

At the age he is at, I don't think that a lot of toys equals being spoiled. I also understand that you are trying to find things to keep him stimulated. I do think that you should try to find some things he'll enjoy repetitively so he can actually grasp (ETA: I think absorb would have been a better word here. Sorry!) the things he could be learning from them.

 

[ChinaCat]

I wouldn't worry too much, I don't think he can really be "spoiled" at this age.

But I do try to curb my desire to always buy him something. It's so easy to do, but really, he is entertained by almost anything. I don't really buy him toys but he does have a lot from Christmas/birthday/grandparents.

He just got way too much stuff for his birthday. What I've been doing is giving him one toy and keeping the others in the closet. In a few months, I will pull out a "new" toy and put the old one up.

Once I get a good group of toys he doesn't play with anymore, I donate them. I plan on doing this when he's older as well. So before every Christmas or birthday or whatever, I want him to actively pick toys to give away to other kids before he gets "new" stuff.

I absolutely understand you buying them for YOU. Staying home is hard and anything you can do to keep them entertained. Though lately I just pull out the pots and pans and let him go to town.

ETA: As far as being "spoiled", I don't think so. He definitely gets LOTS of attention and love, being our first and only, being the first and only grandkid, and also the fact that he stays home with a nanny, so pretty much he always has someone 100% focused on him. BUT he doesn't always get his way, we have rules and schedules and I stick with them. I don't give in to him just b/c he's cute and/or crying. Though lordy, it would be so much easier! "Spoiled" at this age to me is when the parents just let the kid dictate everything, don't make them nap or eat or sleep, etc., say "no" and then let them do whatever anyways. It's a hard line at this age- WHAT to do with the screeching??????- but the intent is definitely there to not let him run all over us.

 

[TravelingGal]

Toys oftentimes are more for the parents than the kid. As said, it's a diversion and entertains the kid for X amount of time so the parent doesn't have to. I find toddlers are more easily and simply entertained than we think, but it takes effort and INTERACTION, and let's face it...some days, we just don't have it in us.

Amelia's favorite thing is books. She could have books read to her all day long. But I don't want to read them to her all day long! So the toys she does want to play with are balls, musical instruments, balls, anything that doesn't belong to her, balls, etc. You get the idea. She wants me to play with her.

So I think toys in moderation are fine, and more toys if needed for your own sanity is fine too. Kids don't get spoiled by toys...they get spoiled by getting everything they want. So ironically, as a potential only child, part of what we have to do is teach the kid to play by herself and not always get our attention, because I think that's a faster road to spoildom!

btw, for the first time yesterday, I had Amelia pack up some old toys, say good bye to them and give them away to my friend's babies (who were over). I think it's a good thing to show kids that they can't keep all their toys forever either.

 

[Dreamer_D]

I don't like the term "spoiled" anyways, rubs me the wrong way. So judgemental of the kid (ruined? really? my kid is rotten like a fruit?) and the parent.

But I do generally think toys are a waste of money. At least with my kid. He wants to bang pots, climb the furniture, read books with me, basically as TGal said, follow me around and do what I do. I am in the kitchen, he is in there climbing chairs and digging in cabinets. I am in the bathroom he is pulling everything out from under the counter. Vacuuming, he wants to help too. He will play on his own, but more and more he wants me to interact in some way. I basically corrall him where I am using doors and baby gates and leave it at that.

We have a few toys that were worth the money, like the play mat when he was 2-4 months, balls balls balls, a fisher price farmyard, a wagon, and a few other things. But most is a waste of money.

When I am solo I get out of the house as much as possible to avoid going mental. He is happy in the stroller taking things in, and happier still at a park or the beach or something else. He is an active kid, I always say he needs a good 8 hours of excercise per day to be happy -- that's 8 hours running full out! haha Not many toys to help with that unfortunately.

ETA His favourite toys? My shoes, my purses, DH's golf clubs, packages of pads he can unpack and pack , bags of toilet paper, the dog, underpants make a great necklace... and I didn't have to spend any extra money to get these toys!

 

[phoenixgirl]

As long as he's playing with them and enjoying them, I don't think it's "too many."

I wanted to be one of those moms who didn't have toys all over the house. My brother moved into his $750k house and never put any furniture in the living room; it was just toy central. But the problem was that there were also tons of toys in the sunroom and the basement and the boys' rooms. There were even a few toys in the family room. (I'd call these boys "spoiled" -- they wouldn't "let" their mom pass along their baby toys to their cousins even up to age 7).

So up until last weekend when my sister passed along some old toys to us, we had hardy any toys.

My mom pointed out that Claire seems able to focus on a single toy longer than the other 5 grandchildren at the same age, maybe because she doesn't get handed a new toy every 5 minutes.

But that said, at the beach and at my sister's house, I saw how Claire gets really excited by all the toys. Thritto on the loving balls. She's much less likely to try to pull the phone line out of the wall when there are toys around. So maybe we did have too few? Now I don't care about having a house full of toys as long as they're used and we can make the space functional. I'm trying to set up an area on each floor with things for her.


Still, I wonder if maybe this is about more than the number of toys? Maybe you are just bored and haven't found a new routine in a new place? So researching and buying toys is something you can do since, as you say, there's not as much to do out of the house? I saw on FB that you went to a playgroup, so that sounds good! Maybe the more you get settled, the more you'll find you don't need as many new toys. And maybe invite some of the playgroup kids over so they can enjoy the toys too.

And also maybe you didn't get as many hand-me-down toys from friends/family since J has no cousins yet and you were moving? So your husband sees you buying, buying, buying, but it's really understandable, IMO.