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"your dream venue doesn't exist" -- Mom

RebeccaLynn

Rough_Rock
Joined
Apr 14, 2010
Messages
34
We've been venue-hunting for 2 months now. We thought we found our perfect place in week 2, however when we brought my parents- who are footing most of the bill- unfortunately they had several (ridiculous) issues with it and ruled it out for us.

Last night my mom informed me that the venue that exists in my head does not exist in reality and I need to settle on one of various other places we've seen. There have been places we could make work, but I'm just not ready to commit to them til I think I've exhausted every option out there.

For all the brides that have already gone through this exhausting process-- what do you think? Should I continue dedicating every weekend to staring at ballrooms and analyzing lists of hors d'oeuvres, or just "settle" and get to work on making the not-so-perfect venue a little closer to perfect with the rest of the details?
 

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yssie

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 14, 2009
Messages
27,228
How stressed are you?

If you're still in the green zone I'd keep looking, if you're about ready to blow a fuse - time to quit! ::) Just remember that your wedding is much more than your venue, though the location is very important - even a not-quite-perfect location can house your dream wedding, and once you choose a place the more you daydream about your wedding the more you'll start seeing it play out within the confines of whatever you've got to work with..
 

getting excited

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Apr 15, 2010
Messages
230
I am not a bride to be yet, but I have been involved in a lot of weddings. One of the most recent had the same issue. My friend looked at literally 20-30 venues and nothing was "right." Honestly, I was taking the same approach as your mom and telling her that her expectations might be too high and that there were plenty of fabulous options she ahd already seen. I was wrong. She finally found the "perfect" place and I am so happy she didn't listen to my advice! She and her fiance absolutely love it.

That being said, the "perfect" venue was a pretty penny and much more than they had wanted to spend. To them, it was worth it. But I would make sure that what you are picturing in your head is within your price range. Just a heads up, sorry not trying to burst your bubble or anything.

I say keep looking! I hope you can find the one perfect for you and your fiance!
 

mary poppins

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 10, 2010
Messages
2,606
Finding a venue can be frustrating and exhausting. Perhaps with our collective knowledge and experience, we can suggest places you may not have looked at yet. Would you feel comfortable with providing us with details regarding what are you looking for and where?
 

lulu66

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 21, 2009
Messages
1,304
Yssie said:
How stressed are you?

If you're still in the green zone I'd keep looking, if you're about ready to blow a fuse - time to quit! ::) Just remember that your wedding is much more than your venue, though the location is very important - even a not-quite-perfect location can house your dream wedding, and once you choose a place the more you daydream about your wedding the more you'll start seeing it play out within the confines of whatever you've got to work with..


i kinda agree w/yssie. it depends on where you are mentally & how much more you're willing to invest into the venue search.

for me, i had a hard time. of course, i've started planning my wedding in 3 different locations before deciding on one. then searched high & low for a suitable venue in our meager price range. found it; they cancelled on us. scrambled to find *anywhere* to have the reception with 3 months to go. what i learned through all of this: the wedding is so much more than the "perfect" reception location. and not stressing over it (which took me a while to do) is so much better than picking apart every detail while being paralyzed with indecision.
 

Lozza

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Aug 10, 2009
Messages
123
What were your mum's issues with the venue? If you loved it, maybe you should try to convince her it was good instead of looking for something else?

I know it's awkward when they're paying, but unless they are genuine concerns that she has, this may be your best option.
 

CharmyPoo

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 10, 2004
Messages
7,007
My perfect venue did not exist in Toronto or anyone remotely close. I went to see so many venues and gve up. We ended up booking something my fiance loves because at least one of us loves it.
 

megumic

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Mar 8, 2009
Messages
1,647
My perfect venue meant finding a place that was not your typical wedding venue and bringing everything in. So we found a venue that fit this bill. Then I got to choose my caterer and tell them what kinds of food I wanted, instead of picking from a pre-made list that every bride chooses from. So perhaps this is the route you need to go if you can't find the perfect one!

Can you describe what it is exactly you're looking for? And what general location?? I'm sure some brides on here might have some ideas in mind!
 

RebeccaLynn

Rough_Rock
Joined
Apr 14, 2010
Messages
34
Thanks for the replies- I'm definitely still in the "green zone"- I'm obviously getting frustrated with the process, but far from any meltdowns.

We are looking in Fairfield County, CT, Westchester County, NY, and basically all of NJ. Perhaps the large geographical area is part of the problem, but they're all very do-able for us so we don't want to rule anything out. Another issue is that we're looking around 250 guests, which rules out a lot of venues.

Now, you asked for what I'm looking for- so here goes what exists in my fantasy land....!

My vision is basically a destination wedding feel while keeping it in this area. We have a good number of people traveling from all over the country so I want a hotel on-site or extremely close to keep everyone together for the weekend, and ideally located within an hour of an airport.

I would love an outdoor ceremony and indoor/outdoor cocktail hour-- but we must have indoor alternatives due to the unpredictable weather at any time of year around here-- and an indoor reception...no tented weddings for me.

My parents have seen several catering halls that offer A TON of "bang for their buck"-- so now they expect that from everywhere! In order to make them happy I have to find a big cocktail hour with several stations included (I'm not willing to multiply the price per head in upgrades!).

I'm just anti-catering hall...basically every wedding I've been to has been at one, while some have absolutely been beautiful venues, I can't help but feel like they're wedding factories throwing these over the top cocktail hours and a million dinner options at you. Every catering hall we've been to just makes me want to roll my eyes!

I guess in a nutshell, I want classic, elegant, somewhat unique, overall memorable.

Now I'm sure you guys understand why this is an impossible mission!
 

ts44

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 31, 2009
Messages
612
Have you considered any country clubs in the area? Most clubs can handle a decent number of guests, you could make some calls to see if they will take weddings of non-members. Of course some people lump the "country club wedding" in with the "catering hall wedding" so your mileage may vary. ;))

The nice thing about a country club vs. a catering hall or a hotel is that generally there are multiple rooms available to the guests to spread out in, so it has less of the "we're stuck in a giant hall at our table for the whole night" problem you encounter in the other venues.

ETA: are there any historical mansions or sites you could check out? Some even have their own kitchens! You could do it at an arboretum or botanical gardens for that destination feel. One of our arboretums here even has a historical mansion on-site that does a ton of weddings. Style-Me-Pretty just blogged an inspiration photoshoot there, it was gorgeous. http://www.stylemepretty.com/2010/08/06/from-inspiration-to-reality-the-design-23/
 

zipzapgirl

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Aug 28, 2008
Messages
369
A co-worker of mine is getting married at this golf club/hotel/spa and it looks really nice and not wedding-factory at all. It is located in Sussex County, NJ. It is an all-inclusive type of situation where they provide the setup, catering, etc., but it would be near Newark I believe and there are a lot of outdoor activities as well as golf and spa treatments.

http://www.crystalgolfresort.com/About/ ... ering.aspx

Another idea might be to check out the vineyards around Long Island. I've heard that many of them do weddings. There are also some yacht clubs that might be available for weddings--you may need to know a member and I assume they would be pricier.

I found some good leads here too.

http://www.connecticut-weddings.net/rec ... ions.shtml
 

mayachel

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Mar 2, 2008
Messages
1,749
I just came back from a whirlwind weekend-two weddings, one sat one sunday-both in NJ :) I have to tell you-check out Pleasentdale Chateau. It was AMAZING. I feel a lot like you describe your hunting experience. I never found "the place" when we were looking, and basically settled on a place that met all of our needs. And it does-really. It just doesn't have the feel I wanted it to. But I moved my vision to other areas of the wedding planning, and hope that the day of it all falls into place. I DO know how incredibly lucky I am to have the wedding I AM having. All that being said-when I saw the place I mentioned above, my heart dropped a little because it COULD have been my perfect place. I spent the whole night thinking how beautiful and unique a place it was. Of course, with two weeks to go-all I can do is appreciate the chance of being a guest at such an amazing place. I'm sure it is not on banquet hall side of the dime, but not so out of reach as other "castles" or historic places in the tri-state area. Good luck!
 

megumic

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Mar 8, 2009
Messages
1,647
I have to say, with a guest list of 250, you are most certainly limited in venues. With 150, we were limited and had a very difficult time finding the one we fell for.

I think if you don't want a tented event, which I understand b/c I am also an anti-tenter, I have to agree with mom on this one -- you've limited yourself so much with just the parameters of: 1) 250 guests and 2) no tent. I don't think you should change these parameters, but then I think you need to come up with a priority list of what is most important to you, and what you can let fall by the wayside.

Here are a couple of places, if you haven't tried them already. Not sure how many guests they can accommodate, but just some ideas:

Shadowbrook in Shrewsbury
Molly Pitcher in Red Bank
Surfrider Beach Club (windows on the water I think is the name)
Monmouth Hills Country Club
Perona Farms
Apple Barn Farms
Cat Rock (www.OsbornCastle.com)
Stone Mill Inn
Friedman Farms (in PA)
Ocean Plaza Hotel
McCloone's at Pier Village
Bonnett Island (not cheap)

I'll keep thinking on this...good luck with your search! I don't think you should be discouraged, I just think you need to prioritize what you want and find something that meets at least a few of your criteria, but perhaps not all.
 

Clairitek

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 21, 2008
Messages
4,881
One of my best friends got married at the Inn at Longshore in Westport, CT in October. The food was awesome, the ceremony location was beautiful- right on the water, and while it is a country club, it doesn't scream "WEDDING FACTORY!!" at all. Their cocktail hour was really something. I was extremely impressed by the spread.

http://www.innatlongshore.com/index.html

Her wedding was featured on her photographer's website.

http://portfolio.photographer-re.com/?load=flash

Under weddings- Megan and Jason

One of the aspects of this place that likely doesn't fit your bill is the proximity to a hotel. There is a Marriott less than 10 minutes away though (just checked on Google maps) as well as other hotel options. They do have 12 rooms on site. One of which is generally designated as the bridal suite I think.
 

RebeccaLynn

Rough_Rock
Joined
Apr 14, 2010
Messages
34
You guys are fantastic!! Thanks for all the suggestions-- we've actually been to several of them and ruled them out for one reason or another (mostly capacity, some just me being a brat!).

zipzapgirl-- we're going to see Crystal Springs this weekend and I'm REALLY hopeful it will pan out. The website and info they've sent to me looks like it fits exactly what I'm looking for. I'm slightly concerned about their hotel rate for my guests though-- do you mind asking your co-worker what rate they've extended to her guests?

Thanks again!
 

Clairitek

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 21, 2008
Messages
4,881
RebeccaLynn said:
You guys are fantastic!! Thanks for all the suggestions-- we've actually been to several of them and ruled them out for one reason or another (mostly capacity, some just me being a brat!).

zipzapgirl-- we're going to see Crystal Springs this weekend and I'm REALLY hopeful it will pan out. The website and info they've sent to me looks like it fits exactly what I'm looking for. I'm slightly concerned about their hotel rate for my guests though-- do you mind asking your co-worker what rate they've extended to her guests?

Thanks again!

Doh! I totally missed the "250 guests" in your list of stuff you were looking for. I know my friend had 120 and could have fit more at Longshore but definitely not double. Oops!
 

zipzapgirl

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Aug 28, 2008
Messages
369
My co-worker said that the rooms were really pricey and that was actually one of her concerns as well. I think she said it was $300+. There are apparently some cheaper hotels around the area though and some of her guests may stay at those.

She's out on vacation this week though, so I think you'll end up getting the info before I'd have a chance to ask her.
:twirl: Hope the place works out for you!
 

mary poppins

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 10, 2010
Messages
2,606
It's been a couple of weeks since you started this thread. How has your search for a venue coming along?
 

Winks_Elf

Brilliant_Rock
Trade
Joined
Nov 28, 2008
Messages
1,675
You may want to check out Perona Farms in Andover, NJ, as well as David's Country Inn in Hackettstown and The Belvidere Hotel in Belvidere, NJ.
 
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