Annoyed by MIL comments about my hair ...

[Snicklefritz]

I think you look great with both, but I definitely like the new look a bit better. It''s very romantic yet chic!

I understand why your DH''s and MIL''s comments set you off balance. It''s hard not to be sensitive to opinions of loved ones, especially your husband. I say keep rocking what you want to rock. Who knows, maybe you hubby just needs some time to get used it, and then he might love it.

 

[Sparkalin]

Ah the inlaws, and parents and siblings and friends and so on. I love how people think you must know their opinion about your hair, clothes, house, pets, etc. In my 5 plus decades my hair has been everything from pixie to butt length, many colors or combos of colors, layered and not. Everyone had a opinion, but not the same opinions about the same style. I love when the inlaws (who stay with us during the spring and summer) tell me how I should cut it short and then my darling daughter who feels the need to put a pic of me with short hair on the fridge to remind me to never go short! I use to care a little, but not at all now. It''s my hair and I''ll wear it how I want. Right now, I''m past shoulder length, it''s always in a clip or pony and this is the way it will stay until when or if I decide to change it. And that could happen in 2 days or 2 decades. If you don''t like it, don''t look at me.
Since you asked, I would go even longer. And I hope you have fun with it too!!!!

 

[trillionaire]

First, I think your hair looks FABULOUS in both pictures! Lucky you!


I think that women and hair and aesthetics are always difficult to negotiate. I cut my hair when I was 18 (all off), and it was sooooo much fun to have short hair and a new experience. However, my friends started calling me "_____ the man".

I did not look like a man, and was very dainty and feminine, but it stung to be called that. I got used to it though, and people were very vocal about their opinions. Fortunately, you don''t have to live your life for others, and your hubby, though he has a preference, will adjust.

Change is part of live, and we can resist it, or accept it.

 

[Cehrabehra]

I have a preference but I''m not going to say what it is because it shouldn''t matter - how you feel about yourself is what counts! I will say that if you ever wanted to grow it out then now (when it is already this much) is the time to do it! Grow it out to at least shoulder length. Your husband may like it better when it is longer. There may be a stage an inch or two longer or 5-8" longer that''s just perfect. Or maybe you will grow it out and find that where it is now is perfect. At least you will have an understanding of how different lengths look and *feel* on you. Then you can decide to keep it, cut it a little, or cut it a lot.

 

[Arkteia]

I think it is fun to change - your hair lengh, your color, your style. It grows out, so you can have a shorter cut later, you can change the color, change it again. I just think we feel better when we look into the mirror at our "new selves".

My hair is naturally light. So I was blonde for most of my life till my new hairdresser persuaded me to go darker. My husband did not like it but I said I wanted to know how it felt - and was dark for one year. Now my hair is blonde again, but at least I know how it feels to have darker hair.

What matters is how you feel. From your posting it seems that you liked the new style, but your MIL and then your husband spoiled it for you. Your MIL had absolutely no right to comment negatively on your hair - it is insensitive and then, doesn''t she have anything else to worry about? (German economy? Her family?). As to your husband...guys are more traditional, they get used to things. I''d give him some time to get used to it...but don''t let it all spoil your day!

You have unusual, very "interesting" face. "A woman with something", as they say in Germany. (Meaning some inner chic; they said it about Steffi Graff). I think both styles become you!

 

[oddoneout]

I like your hair both ways. I say have it like you want. It''s your hair after all.

 

[kama_s]

Your hair, your choice. Tell your hubby that he is welcome to do what he pleases with his hair, whether it is a ponytail or a mohawk.

For what it''s worth, I LOVE the new ''do on you! Looks fantastic.

Also: I have a feeling this issue runs deeper. I remember you once said you wish your hubby would compliment and tell you you''re beautiful more often. Are you more sensitive to his comments because you don''t think you''re attractive to him? I find it bizarre that he is so affected by your hairstyle... so much so that he wouldn''t speak to you all day!

 

[kama_s]

Oops..double post

 

[janinegirly]

Date: 6/27/2010 2:31:33 PM
Author: Amethyste
Yeah... he wants me to cut my hair.

I have a HUGE problem with people ( and that includes the ones that are close to me as well ) telling me what to do with MY hair or anything that has to do with how I dress or whatever. I just want to live and let live, and really live up to that.

Honestly you look great both ways. Like you said it''s just a change so it depends what appeals to you at this particular time. You are lucky to pull off short and long...most people look ugh with short hair (me included).

But I agree with you..I also have a v. tough time with people trying to tell me what to do. An opnion is one thing but harping and trying to push me will result in the opposite. Also would be annoyed if my DH was so influenced by his mother (sounds like he didn''t say a thing before).

So you have my sympathies (I have IL issues myself). Maybe stand your ground and when the initial anger subsides talk with DH and see if he gets what you''re saying. You''re your own person and he can express an opnion but pushing you-particularly over shallow things like hair-is not cool. And then maybe he can set MIL straight!

 

[missydebby]

Hey Am, you know the more I look the more I like the the direction you''re going. It''s so soft and you look so pretty with the curls.

 

[Natylad]

Date: 6/28/2010 1:09:51 AM
Author: Cehrabehra
I have a preference but I''m not going to say what it is because it shouldn''t matter - how you feel about yourself is what counts! I will say that if you ever wanted to grow it out then now (when it is already this much) is the time to do it! Grow it out to at least shoulder length. Your husband may like it better when it is longer. There may be a stage an inch or two longer or 5-8'' longer that''s just perfect. Or maybe you will grow it out and find that where it is now is perfect. At least you will have an understanding of how different lengths look and *feel* on you. Then you can decide to keep it, cut it a little, or cut it a lot.

Ditto!

 

[Amber St. Clare]

I love the longer look! {And I am also way jealous tyou have curly/wavy hair!!} After studying your pictures I think the longer hair is more youthful.

 

[jas]

I think you look fantastic in both styles. The wonderful thing about hair is that it can change. Cut, color...it''s all about what makes you feel best and what works with your lifestyle.

Now, were I you, I''d be walking around in a clown wig everytime you Skype with your in-laws.
Or maybe a bald cap -- then give MIL a wide-eyed look if she says anything and respond, "Golly, I assumed since you liked it short, you''d LOVE it gone?"

But that''s me. I''m a rotten girl.

Hang in there!

 

[Dreamer_D]

I too adore the new look! Very Marilyn Monroe! You look younger and it softens your face a lot. I simply love it! Though a darker shade would look really nice too, as Deco suggested.

Not to say it looked bad before... but this look really works for you.

I think you DH is just reacting to what his mom said, the rude cow that she obviously is

 

[Circe]

I think your grooming choices are YOURS alone. I sort of ditto Swingirl on the looks themselves (the longer style *is* sexy and tousled!), but it sort of doesn''t matter. It''s your head, it makes you smile when you looks in the mirror, yay, you!

Except.

I think your MIL was waaaaaaaaaay out of line, but I sorta kinda see where your husband is coming from. Why? My husband''s beard.

See, he doesn''t have a beard anymore. Because it looked HIDEOUS on him, at least to my eye, so after giving it a fair chance and spending two weeks kind of making a face in my head I told him that I loved him dearly, but the facial topiary gots to go. He acquiesced (thank god), and I sort of gained a new perspective on people who have Strong Opinions on their partner''s hair.

That said, while he has a right to his opinion, he expressed it very rudely, and he owes you an apology. You''re his wife, not a poodle he''d prefer groomed in a different style.

 

[Amethyste]

OH MY!!!

so many replies in a day''s time!!! Thank you all so much for taking the time to read and post your thoughts. I really appreciate it!

I did talk to him about my hair late last night... I pretty much said that How I decide to do my hair is realy my own. He''s not the one caring for it, and knowing how much time and annoyance ''doing'' your hair can be? he''s lucky to have a really short hair style and just put gel on it and call it a day. Doesn''t work for me ( or women in general ''xcept Sinead O''Connor ) and if i am going to spend time doing my hair, i''ll do it the way IIIIII want it. I did also bring up the fact that he oftens wants me to say to him that he''s handsome... And I understand that, but I did tell him that it goes both ways, and I''d like to hear that I am purdy once in a while myself - from him rather than from the people I work with!

For now, I''ll let it grow out - and might look for a copper blonde instead of light blonde... i think it would be nice!

Thank you all so much!!!

 

[oranges]

you know what , it's your hair and you should be able to do whatever you want with it. after 18 years of the same hair cut, you would think that a change would be welcome! the great thing about experimenting with hair is that nothing is permanent, you can change the color and change it back, cut it short and it will always grow back.
i like your hair both ways! i love it when people get spunky and decide to deviate from a tried and true style.
IMO, you shouldn't let your MIL's opinion of your hair rain on your parade. My grandmother, who always finds something nasty to say about everyone, commented on how hideous my hair looked EVERY TIME I SAW HER (which was every other week--for about 6 months) when i got highlights at the age of 17. People often over step their bounds-- don't let it get to you. Your husband's opinion, however, carries a lot more weight. But he just seems to be easily swayed by his mother's opinion.
In short, do what you want and have fun--- going longer is a lot less daring than going shorter-- you can achieve your old tried and true style in no time if you want to!

 

[Winks_Elf]

I just sent you a private message on FB.

 

[zipzapgirl]

I lived in Germany for several years, so here''s a little perspective...
Your former hairstyle is *very* common over there and worn by probably 25% of women. Your new hairstyle is very uncommon around there and would immediately bring up Marilyn Monroe comparisons. So you''ve immediately gone from "normal" to sex bomb wannabe. I think the MIL is probably reacting to this as a change in temperament, not a change in hairstyle, you know?

Also, hair in Germany is a lot more no muss-no fuss mentality. Lots less emphasis on blow-outs, curling, styling products, etc. I think the spectrum as to what most Germans would consider "overstyled" starts a lot sooner than it does for most Americans.

I think if you tone down the blond color and let it grow a bit more to a bob, it will be less vampish and probably won''t evoke those warning feelings and taste issues in MIL''s mind.

 

[TooPatient]

Date: 6/29/2010 3:32:30 PM
Author: zipzapgirl
I lived in Germany for several years, so here''s a little perspective...
Your former hairstyle is *very* common over there and worn by probably 25% of women. Your new hairstyle is very uncommon around there and would immediately bring up Marilyn Monroe comparisons. So you''ve immediately gone from ''normal'' to sex bomb wannabe. I think the MIL is probably reacting to this as a change in temperament, not a change in hairstyle, you know?

Also, hair in Germany is a lot more no muss-no fuss mentality. Lots less emphasis on blow-outs, curling, styling products, etc. I think the spectrum as to what most Germans would consider ''overstyled'' starts a lot sooner than it does for most Americans.

I think if you tone down the blond color and let it grow a bit more to a bob, it will be less vampish and probably won''t evoke those warning feelings and taste issues in MIL''s mind.

I don''t know much at all about hair.

My first thought was that I REALLY like your hair longer like that. It makes you look younger and more _____ (sorry, can''t really get the right word -- refined? approachable? elegant? -- nice thing anyway).

Then you reminded me of someone. Took a bit but when I saw ZipZap''s comment, I realized who.


I think you''d look wonderful with it slighly longer (chin length or so) and darkened a bit into a richer blonde-brown. I think it would really show off the wonderful shape of your face and great eyes & smile.



But as the others have said, it is what YOU think that matters most. I wouldn''t ignore your husband''s feelings about it, but you need to be happy too. He may like it once it is a bit longer. Have you asked him specifically what it is he doesn''t like about it? Maybe you can address the specific thing he doesn''t like (make it a little darker, longer, less puffed, more puffed, etc.) and end up with a hairstyle you both really like.

 

[Luckyeshe]

I love both of your hair styles! You look great in either!! I think your MIL is out of line and your DH is just siding with his mother. Wear it any way you want to. I think the shorter style looks great on you, but your style now makes you more feminine and ethereal.