Is buying a refrigerator a personal decision?

[fieryred33143]

Excuse the randomness of this question.

MIL takes care of DD and she refuses to accept money. We offer the money every two weeks and she finds a way to give it right back. We have been able to sneak money to her here and there but for the most part, she will give it back.

Anyway, their main fridge is not working properly. They have another fridge in their laundry/craft room that they are using to store some of their items but they mentioned needing to make time to go out and buy a new fridge for the kitchen. I want to buy it for them. The problem is that if I take them with me to pick one out, there is no way they''ll let me pay for it. So I want to just buy one and have it delivered so there is no choice but to accept it

.

Is this kind of purchase a personal choice though? Do people have preferences when it comes to refrigerators? I wouldn''t want to get something that they wish they could pick out themselves, KWIM?

 

[meresal]

In a word, yes.

They are all so different now-a-days, that I would have to say it's personal. Is there any way to give them a gift card to Sears or Lowe's?

 

[lilyfoot]

I think this is such a great idea

I do think it''s something they should pick out themselves though, people do have preferences when it comes to refrigerators. Especially these days, they come in all sorts of styles.

I think you just need a good, sneaky plan ...

 

[elrohwen]

Maybe your FI could take her out just to look at fridges - don''t mention buying one, and don''t let her buy one for herself. Once she picks one out, you can go back and buy it for her. Just make sure you measure the space because you don''t want one that is too big or small, of course.

 

[Steel]

If it were me, I would do recon at her home to see the max sizes -whether chrom/white/silver tones would be best etc and go buy it. Just get it and get it delivered, if she complains once she gets it say they won''t take returns. Make sure you pay with a credit card, she can''t refund that without the card.

It is a lovely idea; go for it. Just get the right size, that will fit with her decor, with the max amount of gadgets that she can easily use.

 

[Steel]

BTW, did you/would you ever sit down with her and explain sincerely and quietly that it upsets you that she won''t take any money from you at all?

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Fiery, I think this is a very sweet thing for you to do for your MIL!

Date: 6/16/2010 9:30:34 AM
Author: elrohwen
Maybe your FI could take her out just to look at fridges - don''t mention buying one, and don''t let her buy one for herself. Once she picks one out, you can go back and buy it for her. Just make sure you measure the space because you don''t want one that is too big or small, of course.

This is exactly what I was going to suggest. Try to find out which fridge she likes, make sure it will work in her kitchen, and then just buy it and have it delivered. You''re an awesome daughter-in-law!

 

[Steel]

Date: 6/16/2010 10:03:09 AM
Author: Irishgrrrl
Fiery, I think this is a very sweet thing for you to do for your MIL!

Date: 6/16/2010 9:30:34 AM
Author: elrohwen
Maybe your FI could take her out just to look at fridges - don''t mention buying one, and don''t let her buy one for herself. Once she picks one out, you can go back and buy it for her. Just make sure you measure the space because you don''t want one that is too big or small, of course.

This is exactly what I was going to suggest. Try to find out which fridge she likes, make sure it will work in her kitchen, and then just buy it and have it delivered. You''re an awesome daughter-in-law!

Great idea in general but I''m sure she would see right through this and I''m confident from what Fiery has said before, that wild horses couldn''t stop her MIL from doing what she wanted to do.

 

[fieryred33143]

Thanks for the suggestions!

I''m going to try to pitch the idea of a gift card to FI. We had given them a gift card from Home Depot before to get something specific for the house that they needed (pre-baby) and instead they used it throughout the year to buy random stuff like light bulbs and nails. LOL

We could possibly trick MIL into pointing out some refrigerators if we take her to dinner this weekend. They have a huge appliance store in our area. But she is VERY impulsive and if she finds one she likes, she''ll tell FIL to buy it right away. I may be able to trick her and say that there is another store that is having a huge sale on the same fridge

Steal-Your comment made me LOL

. Yes we did have a conversation. I told her that while I understand this is her grandchild and she rather spend all day (every day) with her if she could, I still know it''s hard work taking care of a baby all day long. I also know they need the money and I rather she not stress over paying bills. She''s also buying DD a lot of stuff. Every week she has a new toy or a new outfit. We finally got her to stop buying diapers and formula and we''re working on getting her to stop buying groceries (we showed up with groceries for DD and she used it all to make FI and I a huge meal

).

I have been putting all of the money she refuses to take and gives back into a savings account for her. I''m hoping that we can also convince her into taking a vacation to Chile. As of right now she doesn''t want to because she doesn''t want us to stress over who will take care of DD. I told her that she deserves a vacation and we are the ones that will handle who will watch her while she is away. No dice...yet

 

[Steel]

Date: 6/16/2010 10:39:40 AM
Author: fiery
Thanks for the suggestions!

I''m going to try to pitch the idea of a gift card to FI. We had given them a gift card from Home Depot before to get something specific for the house that they needed (pre-baby) and instead they used it throughout the year to buy random stuff like light bulbs and nails. LOL

We could possibly trick MIL into pointing out some refrigerators if we take her to dinner this weekend. They have a huge appliance store in our area. But she is VERY impulsive and if she finds one she likes, she''ll tell FIL to buy it right away. I may be able to trick her and say that there is another store that is having a huge sale on the same fridge

Steal-Your comment made me LOL

. Yes we did have a conversation. I told her that while I understand this is her grandchild and she rather spend all day (every day) with her if she could, I still know it''s hard work taking care of a baby all day long. I also know they need the money and I rather she not stress over paying bills. She''s also buying DD a lot of stuff. Every week she has a new toy or a new outfit. We finally got her to stop buying diapers and formula and we''re working on getting her to stop buying groceries (we showed up with groceries for DD and she used it all to make FI and I a huge meal

).

I have been putting all of the money she refuses to take and gives back into a savings account for her. I''m hoping that we can also convince her into taking a vacation to Chile. As of right now she doesn''t want to because she doesn''t want us to stress over who will take care of DD. I told her that she deserves a vacation and we are the ones that will handle who will watch her while she is away. No dice...yet

I know it is an issue and must make you feel bad but I love your MIL. I don''t have any family and I want you to pack her up and send her over here. She sounds like a stubborn sassy wonderful woman. We are all a PITA sometimes, but a PITA that loves and spoils your DD should be welcomed. Go on pack her up, I''ll even send some stamps

.

Good luck with the gift cert idea. I hope it works.

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 6/16/2010 10:47:48 AM
Author: Steal

I know it is an issue and must make you feel bad but I love your MIL. I don''t have any family and I want you to pack her up and send her over here. She sounds like a stubborn sassy wonderful woman. We are all a PITA sometimes, but a PITA that loves and spoils your DD should be welcomed. Go on pack her up, I''ll even send some stamps

.

Good luck with the gift cert idea. I hope it works.

haha I adore my MIL also. She''s a crazy, over the top person but she has a really good heart. Like the other night I picked up DD and when I got there, MIL had been crying. I asked her what was wrong and she said nothing and then later called me to say she was embarrassed. She had tears in her eyes because she asked DD to point at a dog in her book and when she did she felt really proud. She gets teary-eyed over things like that all the time. And she does a lot of stuff with her during the day. For ex, they were sitting outside and DD started pointing at a dragon fly that was around them. So MIL put DD in her jumperoo inside, caught the dragonfly, put it in a jar (with holes of course) to show her a little closer, and then took her outside to release the dragonfly. I thought that was just the cutest and sweetest thing. Very grateful S gets to spend her days that way.

But she''s still crazy

 

[Steel]

Date: 6/16/2010 11:00:23 AM
Author: fiery
haha I adore my MIL also. She's a crazy, over the top person but she has a really good heart. Like the other night I picked up DD and when I got there, MIL had been crying. I asked her what was wrong and she said nothing and then later called me to say she was embarrassed. She had tears in her eyes because she asked DD to point at a dog in her book and when she did she felt really proud. She gets teary-eyed over things like that all the time. And she does a lot of stuff with her during the day. For ex, they were sitting outside and DD started pointing at a dragon fly that was around them. So MIL put DD in her jumperoo inside, caught the dragonfly, put it in a jar (with holes of course) to show her a little closer, and then took her outside to release the dragonfly. I thought that was just the cutest and sweetest thing. Very grateful S gets to spend her days that way.

But she's still crazy

Aaawwwwwh. That is such a lovely story. It must break your heart that DD is so well cared for when you are not there. But I'll bet that your MIL loves having Sophia, despite her fruit aversions

. I still think you should buy the crazy lady a fridge you think she will like and be done with it, but you and FI know best.

 

[laine]

I agree with Steal, just buy the fridge. But, I would try to start a casual conversation about fridges first, see if she would prefer a side by side, freezer on top, freezer on bottom, etc, and what finish. I know I would prefer a stainless, french door, freezer on bottom, but beyond that, I'd be happy with anything (assuming energy efficient, good reviews, etc). If you can find out her basic preferences, I don't think its too personal to pick out a fridge for them.

I think your excuse of a big sale is coming up is a good one. Or a friend told you about a great discount place, but you can't remember the name so you'll find out, something like that...

Good luck with the surprise, you're a very sweet DIL!

 

[partgypsy]

I think buying a refrigerator IS personal. I didn't realize that until recently, when our refrigerator died and my husband ended up buying a used (2 year old) refrigerator to replace it. It's fine, it works and it is saving us a bunch of money versus buying a brand new fridge, but I didn't realize how uncomfortable it made me. For example I really wanted to replace any appliances with energy efficient models and do alot of research about that, but the replacement fridge is not energy star and interior space is bigger than our old one, which means it uses more energy than a fridge I could have purchased after doing research.


You just never know what is important to people. For example I won't buy a fridge with an external ice dispenser because I don't want to have to deal with the increased maintenance/repair for those types.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 6/16/2010 11:56:13 AM
Author: laine
I agree with Steal, just buy the fridge. But, I would try to start a casual conversation about fridges first, see if she would prefer a side by side, freezer on top, freezer on bottom, etc, and what finish. I know I would prefer a stainless, french door, freezer on bottom, but beyond that, I''d be happy with anything (assuming energy efficient, good reviews, etc). If you can find out her basic preferences, I don''t think its too personal to pick out a fridge for them.

I think your excuse of a big sale is coming up is a good one. Or a friend told you about a great discount place, but you can''t remember the name so you''ll find out, something like that...

Good luck with the surprise, you''re a very sweet DIL!

Ditto this! I would just buy it for them after you do a little recon. Your MIL sounds so sweet-she obviously loves your daughter SO MUCH, even if she is crazy! And the story about the dog picture and her catching the butterfly needed single tear alerts!

 

[swingirl]

For your MIL to accept money would be lowering the most important experience in her life to job-status. A mother''s greatest gift is to see her grandchildren happy, healthy and thriving. There is no way she wants to feel like she''s a babysitter. She is spending time with her granddaughter and wouldn''t have it any other way. So stop offering her money because she won''t ever take it.

The frig is a nice idea although I do think people have preferences about doors, drawers and style. Too bad you can''t make it a gift of some sort that has nothing to do with babysitting.

You are a lucky girl to have a MIL so touched by your DD and so willing to be there for your family.

 

[Maria D]

I totally agree with swingirl.

I think you should stop trying to compensate your MIL -- no money and no refrigerator either. As for Chile, if she doesn''t want to go that''s her prerogative, regardless of the reason. It''s great that you are setting aside money; she may really need it some day. But shouldn''t she get to decide if she wants to accept it and if she does, how to spend it?

Why not write her a letter letting her know how much you appreciate her -- it''s so evident in all your posts! I would think a woman who is moved to tears over her grandchild pointing to a dog is going to cherish the letter you could write far more than the money she''d save on a fridge.

My brother was basically brought up by our grandmother. The enjoyed a wonderful closeness her whole life. Your daughter is very lucky.

 

[HollyS]

I would say this is a nice gesture, but I certainly would want to pick my own.

Unless you know EXACTLY what they would want . . .

 

[fieryred33143]

Thanks for all the opinions

.

I guess I just feel terrible for several reasons. The main one being that she isn''t working or getting any kind of income at all and I know that they could use the extra money. If we could just at least compensate them for the things she buys then that would make me feel a little better. The toys and clothes are a grandparents thing so I let that go but I think the stuff she needs should really come from us, which includes her food.

The other option FI came up with was to go on a family vacation. She doesn''t get out much at all but she probably would never go somewhere without FIL so maybe we could schedule a family vacation where we all go somewhere for a week?

It also secretly adds to the mommy guilt that I have of going to work every day and leaving DD behind. And then adding in the fact that I don''t pay her just makes me feel worse.

 

[Hera]

I don''t think it''s a good idea even though it''s really sweet of you to be thinking of her. Maybe you could have a conversation with her about it even if she says that you should keep the money. She sounds really set in her ways and I would want to respect her boundaries. I think the gift card idea is a great idea. She could use that money how she sees fit. Also, she may not want to go on a trip and if it would just lead to her worrying then that doesn''t sound like much of a vacation. I did like the idea of putting the money away for when the time comes that she might be more open to assistance.

 

[Mara]

fiery..if she is anything like my grandma, she doesn''t care that she doesn''t have a lot of material things. but something she loves to talk about all the time is the hawaii trip we all took when we got married in 2004. she LOVED it there and still talks about it 6 years later.

i think your MIL would prob love a family trip... esp if it meant she could watch sophia!! grandma''s are crazy like that.

 

[Maisie]

Date: 6/16/2010 10:47:48 AM
Author: Steal

I know it is an issue and must make you feel bad but I love your MIL. I don''t have any family and I want you to pack her up and send her over here. She sounds like a stubborn sassy wonderful woman. We are all a PITA sometimes, but a PITA that loves and spoils your DD should be welcomed. Go on pack her up, I''ll even send some stamps

.

Good luck with the gift cert idea. I hope it works.

I think we should share her. You have her one week and me the next.

 

[february2003bride]

Fiery-

My younger brother and I just bought my mom a fridge for Mother''s Day without her knowing. My mom''s whole kitchen is literally falling apart and she needs every appliance replaced. She can''t afford to replace anything, so a couple of weeks before Mother''s Day, my brother and I bought a new fridge for her and had it delivered the Tuesday after. One Mother''s Day we all gave her a card and my brother printed out a picture of the fridge (with the price blacked out) and we slipped it into the card. It did worry me that she would be upset that she didn''t get to pick it, but she LOVED it! She was so grateful and shocked and it was totally worth, even with the risk involved that she might not like it. The order could have been stopped or changed if it wasn''t what she liked. It was really cute because the day it was delivered, she called me and we had a 15 minute conversation about how much she loved this, that and the other about it!

I think at Christmas we''ll be doing the same thing, but for her stove. She has one working burner (out of 4) and the oven doesn''t work. It kills my mom because she''s such an amazing baker and cook, that eating sandwiches or one pot/pan meals depresses her.

 

[sunseeker101]

It would bug me to be unable to make my appreciation clear in the way you''d like to, Fiery, although I''d say grandmothers who are worth their weight in gold would probably do anything to avoid the feeling or idea that their love and devotion could be repaid with cash. I''d leave the ''cash dispersal'' duties to your DH: 2 vouchers for the DIY store, one for a fridge, the other for sundries -- if it''s more ''the son looking after his parents'' it''s a lot less likely to be refused, and will save a goodly portion of his family''s pride (hopefully). I''d take her aside and acknowledge how lucky your daughter is to be able to get time and attention from a loving blood relative (etc.) and how glad you are to be able to keep it all in the family. Good luck with the situation!

 

[taovandel]

I think the family trip is in order instead of the refrigerator.

That way you are all celebrating the entire family and she gets a lovely vacation.

My sister and I took my mom to New York City a few years back...she never ever goes on vacation out of state. When we left the hotel we surprised her with a limo to take us to the airport....the "car" was late picking us up and when the limo pulled up my mom was like "Oh, let's just take the limo...hahaha" My sister and I smiled at her and was like, "Actually we are!" The look on her face was worth everything. Later on she told us it was the best vacation she had ever had because she actually got to go out and do something fun and different (her usual "vacations" are flying to Texas to see her mom and sisters)

 

[Cehrabehra]

take her to pick it out but absolutely INSIST on purchasing it - tell her it will make you feel good and that you want to do it and if she denies you it will make you feel bad lol