Scared I''ll be a terrible mom...

[oobiecoo]

I''ve always thought of myself as a baby lover, but since being pregnant I''ve wanted little to nothing to do with babies. We are babysitting my husband''s cousin''s son right now and I''m less than thrilled with the drool and screams coming out of him. Now I''m really worried that I''m going to be a terrible mom to OUR baby when she gets here! Any words of wisdom? I know drool isn''t a big deal but I keep thinking he''s going to "drool up the place" before our baby even gets a chance to

Did anyone else''s feelings towards other people''s babies change once they became pregnant with their own?

 

[fieryred33143]

Oh trust me, you will not be a terrible mother

I loved babies too but when I was pregnant, I didn''t even want to hold other babies. I remember my boss brought his 4 week old to visit when I was about 35 weeks and they told me I should hold her. I refused. I was terrified of dropping her or something. Do you know how many newborns I''ve held before then?! Tons!!

As for the drool, it''s different when it''s your own

. When I was younger I used to gag seeing my mom holding my brother''s already chewed/ spit up food. So gross. But then I sat in front of DD holding her throw up, getting it all over me and thinking "oh thank God! Hopefully this will clear the congestion now"

Don''t stress about it!

 

[ChinaCat]

Hi Oobie.

Wasn''t a baby person before I got pregnant and while pregnant, was still not interested in other people''s babies. People kept trying to make me hold babies and I had no interest. They actually freaked me out b/c I couldn''t imagine having one (even while preggo).

You just feel differently about your own (thank goodness, right!?). You will still get annoyed and frustrated, but I promise you, you won''t care about drool. You might even think it''s cute.

You will have a whole new capacity for things you had no idea you could handle.

Now I think all babies are cute.

But it took me awhile.

 

[MonkeyPie]

I was pretty much the same way, oobie. I never had any mothering instinct of any kind and when I found out I was pregnant, I was convinced I was going to do something ridiculous and scar my baby for life. But once he arrived and I bonded with him (which unfortunately took some time - I was bedridden for a week or so), it all came so easily. I have never felt afraid I was doing something wrong, and my mom told me she couldn''t believe what a good mommy I turned out to be. We all feel that anxiety, it''s part of the process. You''ll do great!

 

[Mara]

the fact that you are worrying about it probably means you will be a great mother!

i didn't like kids before and really still don't like 'kids' in general. i guess i could have worried what kind of mom i'd make, but we had a pet and i loved her, lavished her with affection, and figured i'd feel the same if not even more insane about my own kid.

it took me a little while to bond with the new baby, esp because i never was crazy gaga over being pregnant -- was mostly just amazed at the fact i was creating a life and THEN doubly amazed he was out. once he was able to interact with us and even just focus on us, i started melting and it just gets more crazy every day honestly. i am a nut for his open mouthed giggles.

and i am not a fan of other babies' drool or effluence either...but yep when it's yours it's different for sure. he even has barfed down my cleavage multiple times, and i just mop him up and go change.

cut yourself some slack...and try not to overthink it.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

I second what Mara said, the fact that you are worrying about what kind of mom you will be is a good sign.

I am not a mother, but I can tell you when it is YOUR baby, your feelings about the dirty diapers, tantrums, drool are a lot different.

 

[Dreamer_D]

I don''t really care for other people''s kids... I mean they are fine, cute, nice little people. But I never changed a diaper before my son was born and certainly did not like being drooled on my other babies or barfed on. NOT the universally mothering type here.

But I love my kid and love mothering him... when he lets me

Your worries are normal. I would be more concerned if you were not worried, because if you are not worried and think you will be super mom that is when reality can hit when the baby comes and expectations are dashed and depression can crash down on you.

 

[D2B]

Trust me, your feelings to other peoples children will have nothing to do with your own.

I have never gotten into other peoples kids, even now with my own, yep, I am polite etc but no, I dont want to gush and hug and play endlessly with other kids. But my own, I adore and always will, I could hug and kiss him to pieces, listen to him talk all day and watch him grow - he is my life.

pb

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Oobie, I have the same fears. I love babies and I''ve been called a baby wrangler in the past but I''m afraid I wont have patience and tolerance for my own kids

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 6/11/2010 8:56:15 AM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
Oobie, I have the same fears. I love babies and I''ve been called a baby wrangler in the past but I''m afraid I wont have patience and tolerance for my own kids

You will

And if you don''t, then your sense of responsibility will kick in

. You''ll get up and go feed the kid at 4am even if you are grunting the whole time and mumbling under your breath why on earth did I end up with some crazy non-human baby that doesn''t understand the concept of sleep.

Not that I had those thoughts

 

[phoenixgirl]

There''s just something magical about your own child . . . or perhaps it''s Darwinian . . . but I assure you, it''s totally different from other people''s babies, even your siblings'' kids.

When I was pregnant with Claire, my friend had me hold her baby, and when the baby started crying I was like, "Oh crap!" but my friend was just like, "Oh, hold her like this and walk her around . . ." I was like, seriously, you can''t do this? I really had no warm fuzzies holding this other person''s baby. But now that I have a baby and I''ve been initiated into the mama''s club, when I see other babies I think they''re a lot cuter than before. Still don''t want to deal with poop or drool unless it''s my own baby, though!

 

[Sha]

I always saw myself as a maternal sort of person, growing up, but I was never really interested in other people''s babies and interacting with them. Not until I had my own. Now I love babies! I love looking at them and holding them and seeing all the great things they do. I don''t know...something about having your own triggers off that maternal instinct, I think. I notice that my friends who have children are more engaged with my daughter than the ones who don''t. The ones who don''t have children just act politely around my daughter but kind of standoffish- pretty much the same way I was before I had a baby.

 

[RaiKai]

I worry about this too - and I am still at LEAST a couple years away from having them. SIL recently had her first and visiting for the day just had me further away after seeing so many diaper changes (and the washer running 24/7 - cloth) and so on. And talking about baby poop all day. I was not grossed out (I was oldest sibling and dealt with a lot of diapers) just bored! I thought what would stop me from just not wanting my kid anymore and running away? Though it is fun now that he is showing his personality!

I have DREAMS where I have a baby and forget to feed it. Or drop it in a hole. Or give it away. Disturbing. And again...I am not even pregnant or ready yet (but I have been thinking of it more lately so the dreams make sense).

DH on the other hand - I call him *the baby whisperer* as he is just magical with babies - they just seem totally enraptured by him even in a grocery store line up. Kids will not even look at me most of the time!

I remember a time in my teens babysitting my 3 month old cousin overnight and waking up panicked I could not find her though I could hear her crying. I looked in the dryer and panicking she was not in there as I was so sleep-f''d still! She was in her bassinet. But I still think of that!

I think of how great a mum my mum was - and how much she had going on - and feel like they are big shoes to fill! Then I remember she was not perfect either - she lost one of us in a store for a few minutes and so on - but she LOVED us and I always knew it! And she really was great. And I go a bit easier on myself.

And...I do believe it is different with your own. I cannot imagine wanting to rearrange my life for someone elses kid..but when I think of maybe having my own (be it natural or by adoption) I think...it would not be that bad at all. I even feel a bit warm about the idea. Even if they do poop and drool a lot. I think the fact I worry about it means I won''t be that bad after all.

I do not expect I will be super-mom, but I do think I will be a good, loving mom. And I am relieved knowing DH will be there to do his magical baby whispering when I do feel like running away! That, and he is going to be the one SAH for a while - ha!

Believe me, my line of work I see a lot of truly bad parents (as in CFS bad). You will be great.

 

[swingirl]

The first diaper I ever changed on a real live baby was in the hospital on my own daughter!! I never babysat as teen or adult and didn''t like kids, babies, drool, etc. I thought all babies smelled like sour milk and the crying I''d hear in restaurants was unforgivable.

But there is something totally different about your own baby''s poop, crying, drool, etc. I think it''s evolution at work.

99.99% of all moms and dads fall in love with their newborns and are sure their''s is the sweetest, cutest, most beautiful baby ever born. I am sure it will happen to you.

 

[marcy]

When it''s your baby, the world will be right and you will be a wonderful mom.

 

[TravelingGal]

Here are my words of wisdom:

Any mother who loses sleep worrying about whether or not she will be a good mom WILL BE a good mom.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 6/14/2010 11:52:13 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Here are my words of wisdom:

Any mother who loses sleep worrying about whether or not she will be a good mom WILL BE a good mom.

Thanks Tgal, I was about to write a long post, but ya said it all in one sentence. God you always do that, and love ya for it..
Obbie...

Just the fact that you worry, means you have what it takes to be a caring and loving mom...

Methinks you will be awesome. When it comes to your own LO, it's a different story... You will see, and we will be here to guide you if you need any help. That's what I sooo love about PS. The community is here to help you , no matter what you need.!! I think that is pretty darn cool.